Nellie The Phillie

Who knows how useful Nelson Figueroa will be to the Phillies now that they've claimed him off waivers. I don't think anybody will pretend that Figueroa is immediately going to go 10-2 and start the All-Star game.

But to me, you can put it on guaranteed lock that the night the Mets are one game away from elimination, the Phillies will be on the schedule. And Nellie will start that game. And he'll summon every lord of baseball available in heaven to conjure up the greatest start of his career. And then he'll sign autographs for every one of the 43,647 in attendance in Philadelphia. And meanwhile, back in Queens, there will be a torch and a pitchfork for every Figueroa autograph signed that night at Omar Minaya's door demanding his head.

Melodramatic? Probably. But did ya think last April that Pedro Martinez was going to be the chosen one to deliver the final blow to the Mets last season? Did ya? Because you know ... deep down you know ... that if the Mets are going to be eliminated this season, they will do so in the most twisted plot available to them. Whatever puts the biggest smile on John Kruk's face, that'll be the open flame to burn the Mets. It's that simple.

Nelson Figueroa, hero to those young and old during his time in New York, now carries that flame. For Philadelphia.

Chris Carter Is Free ...

... to go to Buffalo, as the Mets made their almost final cuts on Friday after Fernando Tatis' fly ball reached the warning track and no further against Tampa Bay on Friday night to end a 4-2 loss. Tatis and his .163 spring training average was not one of Friday's cuts. In a season where everybody should have been fighting for a job, it turns out Tatis was safe all along. ... Just swell.

The Animal is back in the cage.

As for Carter, once again, great idea trading Billy Wagner for him and Eddie Lora (and saving three million bucks) instead of getting the two draft picks for him as compensation, and then not keeping Carter up after a good spring ensuring that he'll never see the light of day. Yeah, that trade worked out well. Hope they didn't spend the money in one place (Tatis and Alex Cora ... two places.)

And if your response is "well, they shouldn't keep Chris Carter up to justify the Wagner trade because he's only a marginal Quadruple-A player", well then Omar Minaya traded the chance at two high draft picks for a marginal Quadruple-A player. Your tax dollars at work. Speaking of:

Nelson's life with the Mets.

In other news, the organization that was once equated with family values has f$#%ed over Nelson Figueroa for the 4,238th time by cutting him on Friday as well. Figueroa, if he doesn't sign with the Phillies to f$#% the Mets back and get even, will most likely head off to Japan where he will most likely pitch the Nippon Ham Fighters to a title and co-manage a chain of McDonald's franchises with Shinjo. Remember this when Oliver Perez and his 31.74 ERA is sent to Savannah because they feel that the players on that roster would be a positive influence on him, and John Maine has to go on the disabled list due to a strained throat he suffered during an intense puke.

I Blame Oliver Perez

"What did I do this time? I didn't even pitch today!"

I know, I know. I blame Oliver Perez for most things in life these days. His reputation precedes him.

But I also blame Mike Pelfrey and John Maine. "For what" is what you are surely asking.

The latest bit of "breaking news" to come out of Mets camp is that Sean Green and Bobby Parnell are reportedly going to start the 2010 season in Buffalo. It makes room for guys like Nelson Figueroa and Hisanori Takahashi to land in the bullpen. And that makes a load of sense (Mets? Sense? I know!) considering that nobody is counting on the three headed monster of Little Pelf, Cousin Ollie, and Maine & 5th to provide a whole bunch of innings. I'm sure Sunday's six runs in five and 2/3's given up by Pelfrey pushed the Mets toward that line of thinking, or perhaps over the cliff.

If those three are going to average five innings a start, then you're going to need innings eaters in the bullpen like Nellie and Takahashi II to eat up some of those middle innings. Heck, maybe it gives Snoop more flexibility to have a quicker hook when the Tee Ball Triplets come in throwing beach balls all over the place. But you're going to tire out your bullpen when you have nothing but three out guys to turn to on a night where Perez has one of his famous "seven runs in five outs" linescores.

It may be a raw deal for Green and Parnell, but Parnell will probably be back sooner than later. And Green? Well jeez who needs a six foot six guy who comes in and throws submarine style? I know Chad Bradford was 6'5" but at least Blueback looked like a submariner. Green's makeshift new delivery makes him look like that episode of the Munsters where Herman tried to pitch for the Giants.* Green will walk the world in anyway because batters will be too distracted by a 6'6" guy who looks like he has no interest in bending. I know it's not the most accurate analysis or scouting report you're going to get on Green but he just plain freaks me out.

Other than the fact that sending the other large component of the J.J. Putz trade to the minors makes that trade completely useless on this side of the Mississippi, it seems to be a move that had to be made if it is indeed made.

*This episode of The Munsters never happened.

Cause Of Death: Oliver's Doughnut

It's official: Not even Sandy Koufax can help Oliver Perez.
Just when I was staring to feel good ... Ike Davis was raking, Jenrry Mejia's pitches were moving, Fernando Martinez hits two dingers against the Nats on Saturday ... here comes Perez to remind us that it does no good to have Davis and Martinez with the big club if they're going to do nothing but watch more Ollie gopher balls fly into the Pepsi Porch.

Perez made his long anticipated (long feared) spring debut, and gave up five runs in three innings. Would have been six if not for a Frenchy cannon from the outfield. Between this and Mike Pelfrey's not-so-hot outing on Saturday, the fear now is that the starting rotation is going to be a big giant doughnut. Great on the ends with Johan Santana and Niese/Nieve/Figueroa at five, who instill more confidence in me right now than Ollie/Little Pelf/John Maine who make up the jelly in the so-called middle. To me, Ollie's extremely lucky that Hisanori Takahashi had a stellar debut Sunday, or else instead of talking about Takahashi we'd be talking more about how the S.S. Metropolitan is sinking ... on March 7th.

But at least Oliver's throwing strikes. Great, except his strikes go faster the other way.

With Perez, it's a matter of choosing your demise. Will it be two to the back of the head (strikes)? Or will it be a million paper cuts (balls)? In any event you will die. And your death certificate will list Perez's linescore that particular night under "cause of death".

Easy On The Pissery

I love the Mets.

I'm sure that fact is easy to forget from your perspective as you read my constant razzes, piling on, and flat out pissery. (If Snoop Manuel can make up crackpot theories as to why Oliver Perez is wild, then I can make up new meanings for existing words, so deal with it.) So it's something I need to make it clear and reiterate sometimes. Everyone has their cross to bear ... loving the Mets is mine.

Yet I'm not one of those people that think winter is cold and lonely and that I need to inject caffeine straight into my veins to get through the 3-4 months without real live baseball. Winter is fun. This might have been more fun than others. I saw the Jets get to the AFC Championship game. I saw USA Hockey get to overtime of the gold medal game, and I'm about to go on the wild ride that is the Rangers make a big push for ninth place. Woo hoo.

And I also saw the Nets win six games ... one of them against the Celtics after they traded for Nate Robinson.

(After that I saw a chipmunk on downers with a broken leg drop 40 points on Robinson.)

Winter? Suits me just fine. A winter without the Mets? Probably did a little good for my sanity.

And yet I knew ... I knew that I was growing wistful for the Mets when I was watching the Winter Olympics, and I couldn't watch John Shuster cost the American curlers three wins on last rock without thinking of Aaron Heilman. And when all the alpine skiers started looking like Jose Offerman angrily wielding a baseball bat at a minor league pitcher, I knew I was starting to miss the game.

But when I was yelling at Carlos Baerga last night for missing an easy tag on Joe Girardi during the airing of a game that happened 14 years ago ... a game the Mets won, I knew I needed a ballgame, quickly.

Thankfully, we'll get one today.

And it's fitting that in the first game against a live opponent (don't give me intersquad ... we talkin' bout practice, man) it's Nelson Figueroa that will get the start. Not only is it nice to see Nelson get a chance to make the team after being tossed around the organization like a Jeremy Reed throw from first, it provides a certain symmetry from tossing in those long shadows that only meaningless October baseball can provide to pitching in the splashy sun that only spring training in Florida can muster up. It's Figueroa who provides the bridge between the despair of last season and the promise of 2010. And if you've reached the end of that bridge without jumping, then welcome to the season. If you haven't reached the end of the bridge, you've got about a month to get there.

But whether you're ready, or you're not, there's one thing we can all agree on:

How the hell did Baerga miss that tag? It's Joe Girardi for crissakes! A damn catcher!!! When are we going to be out from Baerga's contract so we can go sign Luis Castillo?

Rest In Pieces

This is the end, the merciful end for the 2009 New York Mets. My only friend ... the end.

This may, or may not be the end for Nelson Figueroa as a Met. If so, what an ending. And I know that Figueroa will probably never, ever read this. But if he does: Nelson, keep doing what you do, and keep being who you are. From hanging with the Youth Service League team from Brooklyn while you were in Buffalo, to remembering who they were when I brought them up in Washington while you were signing my baseball (and thanks for that, again), and everything in between, you've been nothing but a class act who's easy to root for. I'm sure even amongst this wasteland of a season, there will be fond memories that fans will take with them courtesy of yourself.

If the Mets were smart (and the jury's out on that), the minute you decide to hang 'em up they will hire you as a fan liaison and keep you around the ballpark for the sole purpose of making the fans feel good. Because people will forget what you do (and yes, that means that people will probably forget this game that you pitched, eventually), but they'll never forget how you made them feel. I'm not going to forget the ball you signed. I'm not going to forget how you didn't forget that youth team from Brooklyn. The Mets have made us feel like garbage for three seasons. You didn't. Don't forget that, ever.

That said, Snoop Manuel should be fired. Where was Nelson for the final game last year? Or the year before that? I know Snoop wasn't managing in '07, but I still blame him. Fire him, now. Because ... now they sweep the last series of the season, which makes the '09 Mets only slightly less useful than a screen door on a submarine. Dammit.

For those who stuck around here through the last few painful months, thanks and bless you ... seriously. For those that didn't, well you're probably not reading this now. But if you are, who the hell could blame you? Watching the Mets must have felt like homework lately. I can only imagine what reading the crap I spew on a daily basis must feel like. You're always welcome back, as I'm not going anywhere ... this month will be the one where we all try to figure out what we've learned this season. There will be refreshments.

But I'm looking forward to a few mental health days here and there, as I'm sure you are too. Rest in pieces, boys and girls.

Five Going On 27, And One Going On Forever

How do you know you're not having a good September? How about when you're on the verge of losing your fifth game in a row, and already you're being tangentially compared to Anthony Young by the announce crew?

The good news is that with most of his future already in the past, most likely he isn't going to get a chance to get near 27. But that's the way the cookie crumbles when you're Nelson Figueroa, it's 2009, and David Wright is continuing to have horrible at-bats with men on base, and making fielding errors left and right. No wonder Met fans can't wait for the season to end ... they're just taking a cue from their leader, who seemingly can't wait for this week to end either.

Last season, we didn't want to end. But it did ... and with it came the end of the road for our home, Shea Stadium. Yesterday passed the one year anniversary of the final game ever at Shea. If there's one thing we've all learned as we look back with some distance between us and Shea, I hope it's this: The talk about leaving all those curses behind at Shea, that it was somehow the park's fault, that it was Shea that held all those evil ghosts in it that caused the Mets to lose in horrible, horrible ways, and that tearing it down would fix everything, and cleanse everyone of the dark chi that had enveloped us all? All crap. All of it. By that logic, there's about ten parks that need to be bulldozed if every ghost will indeed be eliminated.

If Shea was indeed a living, breathing mechanism with a soul, it certainly would be having a nice laugh at all of our expenses up in ballpark heaven with the rest of the dearly departed.

Gone Fishin'

Does J.J. Putz count as two injured players since he frayed an entirely different muscle?

Does Johan Santana count as two injured players because he's Johan Santana?

That means the Mets lost four players for the season in one day.

Awesome. You realize that along with Oliver Perez's latest injury (why isn't he shut down for the season?), the starting rotation right now is Mike Pelfrey, Nelson Figueroa, Pat Misch, Tim Redding, and Bobby Parnell. And the lineup consists of players that even Livan Hernandez could shut down ... and probably will now that he's a National again.

Football season can't get here fast enough.

I'm Not An Animal ... Technically

I really thought I had it all planned out. Was rolling along on this blog and was ready to launch into foolproof reasoning why David Wright should have charged Brad Thompson after being brushed back near his head.

But then I started eliminating the reasons in my head. I went in knowing that Wright charging the mound wouldn't provide spark enough to carry the team to the pennant. I knew that it wouldn't improve the perception of the team in other circles (though it couldn't be quite as bad as it is right now.) And I knew that there would be a better than even chance that a brawl involving the Mets would probably send at least six players to the disabled list.

(Seriously, what tortured spirit was unearthed when Jeffy put his shovel to the Shea Stadium parking lot?)

But then I realized, after invoking the "times have changed and we're all too nice" defense, reasoning how Wright should only think after acting (because not having time to think did the trick for Nelson Figueroa), and getting ready to juxtapose this incident with the Prince Fielder/Guillermo Mota incident (Mota ... LOL!) I came to an honest and enlightening conclusion: The only reason I wanted Wright to charge Thompson was to make me feel better. I haven't puffed out my chest about the Mets since Game 6 (no, not that Game 6) All a brawl would have seriously done was put a smile on my face. Not the kind of smile that a 9-0 win while losing two more players to the Balkin & Eisbrouch list gives you. I mean a huge smile.

I was selfish.

I was violent.

I was an animal.

Oh don't get me wrong, I still think Wright should have charged the mound. I sure as hell would have gotten some frustration out of that room, and yeah ... I do think we've gone soft as a sport since Ray Knight went after Tom Niedenfuer, and would like to see some vigilante justice out there. It might have been overboard for Wright to charge, but so what ... some people deserve a beating. And some people who don't deserve a beating should get one anyway.

But I'm not going to hide my personal slant/bias in this. For example, the mere thought of Shane Victorino makes me wish it was me in that batters box instead of Wright (no 'roids needed for my rage). I'm not ashamed to say that rooting for this team gives me violent tendencies. Well, maybe a little ashamed. But while I came to rant about the Mets, I instead had a breakthrough about myself. I need to deal with this in a healthy way and not let it get in the way of how I write.

Aah, screw healthy. Brad Thompson needs a beating. And so does Tony La Russa for making a pitching change in the eighth inning of a 7-0 game on getaway day (take that, genius.) And the kid who saw a guy in a John Franco jersey and said aloud "Yeah, I saw John Franco get a save, like, ten years ago yuk yuk yuk" while being only about 12 years old himself ... yeah, he deserves a beating too. And Yadier Molina deserves a beating for having a Cheshire cat grin on his mascara lined face after he threw out a runner stealing second on Tuesday.

Guillermo Mota deserves a beating too. Because he's had it coming for a while. And while you're at it, look inside your own soul. You could probably use a beating yourself.

There, I feel better. But I guess I really haven't learned anything.

Maybe it was Casper?

It's So Big ...

Johan Santana: You know Nelson, this big chipotle cheesesteak sandwich from Subway restaurant is so big ...

Nelson Figueroa: Yeah, it's playing in the majors big.

Johan: No no no, it's winning the Cy Young big.

Nelson: No, it's pitching a no-hitter big.

Nolan Ryan: No no Nelson, it's pitching seven no-hitters after you leave the Mets big.

Angel Pagan: No Nolan, it's constantly holding at third base on singles to the outfield big.

Luis Castillo: No Angel, it's falling down the dugout steps and spraining your ankle big.

Hospital for Special Surgery: No Luis, it's diagnosing your injury and having people who know nothing about medicine prescribe a cortisone shot big.

Snoop Manuel: No doctors, it's not needing tendons to play baseball big.

Jose Reyes: No coach, it's not being able to run because of that tendon that I supposedly don't need big.

K-Rod: No Jose, it's blowing a 7-5 lead in the ninth big.

Johan: Wait a minute Frankie, it's not that big.

Sean Green: No Frankie, it's hitting the first batter you see in a tie game with the bases loaded with your first pitch big.

Albert Pujols: No Sean, it's hitting a grand slam to put the game away while playing lion to your christian big.

Johan Santana: Come on guys ...

David Wright: No Albert, it's having your season end in August big.

Carlos Beltran: No David, it's having your season end when all of your stars eventually land on the disabled list big.

Oliver Perez: No Carlos, it's having your season end when you let Derek Lowe go to Atlanta to sign a mediocre lefty to an overpriced contract big.

Fred Wilpon: No Oliver, it's having your season end when you get taken for $700 million on a ponzi scheme big.

Johan Santana: Yeah, I guess you're right.

Johan Santana: Hey, who took my f***ing chipotle cheesesteak sandwich from Subway restaurant???

Angel Berroa: (Mumbles with mouth full of sandwich) What?

Purgatorial Aspirations

You never hear good news because it's under reported 'round these parts. For example, remember when the stock market was crashing and that was the lead story every single night? On Monday, the Dow went up by 114.95. How many news reports was that the lead on? Very few, if any at all. The good news is relegated to the business report at 47 past the hour. The top of the news is always reserved for bad news.

Like the Mets.

For as well as the Dow is doing these days (9286.56, for you day traders), if you bought stock in hope and optimism in Flushing, you're a sucker. Because it's dropping like a stone. You'd get more return from selling your Enron certificates at this point. After the latest ignominy of losing three of four to the Diamondbacks, even the sunniest of optimists are seeing that the rain will never stop.

Yup, second easiest schedule the rest of the way, right? Except for one thing: last season this team was swept by the Padres when they were still awful, while the Mets had Reyes, Beltran, and Delgado healthy. So the Mets are the easy schedule.

Don't blame yourself. This franchise makes suckers out of all of us at one point or another. Heck, if there was anyone who was going to bring back sunshine, surely it was Nelson Figueroa, who just a week earlier was in Buffalo giving out hats and signed baseballs to a Brooklyn youth service team and letting them on to the field to tell stories of a long and winding baseball career. (Think of the good you can do when Tony Bernazard isn't around to tell kids to "get the f**k off my field!") So if good karma counted in pitching performance, Figgy would pitch a no-hitter every time out.

But God placed a veto on all good karma for the Mets the moment that Bernazard cursed out the Brooklyn Cyclones' team chaplain. Hence, Nelson Figueroa couldn't deliver another feel good story. Instead, he gave up six runs in five outs including two homers to Mark Reynolds, who had four in his three games here at Citi Field while the highest slugging Met has five in this building all season. So God at least had the compassion to let Reynolds sit for a game while he was here. But in terms of wins, He isn't helping ... don't bother asking. And don't bother asking Satan for victories in exchange for your soul. He's too busy writing Chipper Jones' hall of fame induction speech to negotiate with you. Hence you have the New York Mets ... Once and forever, the official franchise of purgatory.

Purgatory is kind of like a place for a purification process. The Mets apparently have a lot of purification ahead of them, as they seemingly intend to operate next season with a $100 million payroll. Well, if that's true, then by these calculations the Mets are going to bring back Shane Spencer and Karim Garcia to back up and surround Johan Santana. Can't wait for Frankie Rodriguez's trade request after he goes two months without a save chance next season. Makes you wonder if the Mets just shouldn't Piratize the whole thing rather than create the illusion of championship aspirations and finish 79-83 every season from now until the end of time. Just like purgatory.

Oh, and in purgatory, the Dow is always down, the Shake Shack is just so-so, and everyone is 2-3 weeks away from returning to the field. Forever.

Pat Misch And The Opaque Sun

The day started with a rain delay, during which SNY showed a Mets Classic that started this way:

"The sun is shining bright, and the Mets come home as the best team in the National League."

That was May 29th, 2007. A stark contrast from August 2nd, 2009, where the day started by raining cats and dogs, the Mets not being best team in the National League, and being involved in a death struggle against the Arizona Diamondbacks for the seventh place spot in the wild card race.

Who knew the real depression would start when the sun came out.

Yup, the death struggle is now at 2-1 Arizona thanks to Jon Garland making the Mets his personal servants today. Nelson Figueroa is now asked to tie the series against Dan Haren on Monday, and he'll will likely need to throw the first no-hitter in New York Mets history to avoid being designated for assignment again, the fate that not only befell Figueroa after one start this season, but also befell Pat Misch today to make room for Figueroa. Misch received this reward for pitching so admirably over the past two weeks sitting by the phone waiting for Snoop Manuel to call over the past two weeks. The Mets have realized that they can acquire a lovestruck teenage girl with a Jonas brother poster on her wall to do that, and probably for league minimum unless Scott Boras is her agent.

In other news, Brian Schnieder needed a second cortisone shot to his knee as it struggles to hold the extra weight of Schnieder's beard, which is needed to add extra grit. He still has a way to go to match the forest that's growing on Tim Redding's chin, which had to be inspected by Citi Field security today to make sure that Tony Bernazard wasn't trying to sneak back into the park.

That Ceremonial First Pitch Had Some Serious Movement

Some may say that MacKenzie Brown's appearance at Citi Field was for a ceremonial first pitch. But in Omar Minaya's world, "ceremonial first pitch" is code for "audition". In fact, the seventh grader is already complaining that Dan Warthen is overworking her.

No wonder that Mike Pelfrey pitched relatively well against the Nationals on Saturday. You see, when it comes to having a fire lit under you, Ryan Church has Gary Sheffield (and Wily Mo Pena), and now Pelfrey has Brown. (Brown poses a deeper threat than Nelson Figueroa, who returns to Buffalo after no other franchise took a flyer on him.) Perhaps she can stick around for Oliver Perez's start on Sunday and teach him the two-seam grip along with how to pound the strike zone consistently.

Oh, never mind. Late word is that she's been designated for assignment to make room for Julio Franco.

***

The Libra in me would like to point out the following fact:

That the above was a sweet play ... not so much for the catch but the gun to double up the runner at first base. And we were worried that Murphy had an infielder's arm. It wasn't quite Endyesque (or is that "Endesque"? No, that sounds like a perfume, or a charcoal briquet brand ... "Chavesque"? No, that sounds like a political movement. Chavez Ravinous? Oh forget it, I'm tired), but it's nice to see that instead of Murphy, someone else's blooper reel is added to for a change.

The uniforms may have had no "o", but the Nationals have little "d".

Unlucky Sevens

Four games, four starting pitching performances ranging from respectable to "oh my god he's got a gun." The author of the respectable pitching performance? He chose to give a giant "up yours" sign to his hometown team after they designated him and is now a free agent.

The Mets? They're left with four starting pitchers with ERA's over seven.

It's a jackpot of failure.

The latest member of Sevendust joined the club today after a brutal outing in which he is starting to make us realize why the Twins would flat out release an Opening Day starter (You'll remember he started well last season too). He is Livan Hernandez, who is quickly turning into as good an idea as New Coke was. More accurately, he's that bottle of Coke that's been in your fridge for 12 years, and instead of just walking to the corner store and buying yourself a new bottle, you decide "eh, what can it hurt?" So you drink it, and it tastes good going down. But then three hours later you're puking your guts out screaming "Why! Why didn't I just spend the buck fifty for a new bottle of Coca Cola???"

Yeah, it's April. Feel free to beat that drum set, for it's a catchy tune. But pretty soon the Mets are going to have to think about other options. Those options could include Cliff Lee, who the Indians may try to "sell high" on at some point. (Some may say that could make the rotation too lefthanded, but the alternative is to have a rotation that's too ... well, it's awful.) Other than that? Your guess is as good as mine. Now that Nelson Figueroa's gone, the next couple of options seem to be Jon Niese and/or Dillon Gee. (Good thing Omar Minaya stockpiled on the Freddy Garcias of the world, no?) If this keeps going with Sevendust in the middle to back of the rotation, all options have to be on the table.

***

Oh and by the way, one of the defenses for bringing Gary Sheffield on board was that he was a "take no s**t" guy ... a guy who "doesn't back down", as was quoted here. Funny then that when he had a chance to put that attitude to good use and run down Albert Pujols in the fourth inning, he became a nice guy and pulled up. I'm not talking about running into him at full speed and pulling a Sean Avery on him, but just running the bases as normal and not going through great pains to pull up.

Now I don't bring this up to pile on Sheffield, but to bring up a common thread that drives me crazy with this team (that and complaining about the starting pitching and Oliver Perez gets old after four or so of my paragraphs.) The Mets are too damn nice. Why, for example, is it a big deal when Sean Green knocks Pujols off the plate? Because it is a big deal. The Mets never do it. So when Green does the right thing and brush Pujols back, it gets noticed by Gary Cohen and Ron Darling as a big event.

What's wrong with that picture?

And how about this: If Carlos Beltran didn't want to slide on Tuesday night, why was choice two trying to score standing up? How about bowling Yadier Molina over? Why is that not an option? Is it because it wasn't a throw from the outfield? Is it because Molina is his buddy? Or is it because of the common thread that this team is just too ... damn ... nice?

Think about it, what kind of statement would it have made if Beltran would have knocked over Molina ... and let's assume the worst case scenario that night which would have been that Molina holds on to the ball, Beltran's still out, and Daniel Murphy still does his Foster Brooks impression in the outfield, fine. I'm willing to bet Bobby Bonilla's salary that the Mets don't come out so flat on Wednesday night. Sure, Beltran would have gotten some bad press for being a dirty player on a dirty play for a few days, even though clearly he's not a dirty player, and last I checked running over the catcher was a clean baseball play. And the Mets would have been scrutinized for a little bit. But the rewards would have outweighed the peripherals, guaranteed.

Instead, Beltran goes in standing, Sheffield pulls up, and the Mets prove the saying that nice guys get swept.

Mets Finally Honor Their Past!

The bad news is: The past they honored tonight was 1962.

Daniel Murphy is going to get killed for that stumble in the eighth which turned out number one into a triple, which turned into Tuesday's winning run for St. Louis. Your hope for Murphy is that going forward, future errors are the kind of errors which come in 9-3 games or don't lead directly to a run ... and not the kind of errors which lose ballgames, like his last two.

But let's scatter some blame here, shall we?

First off, when did Jeremy Giambi open up a baserunning camp and when did Carlos Beltran attend this? Can we slide next time, please?

And boy am I glad that Mike Pelfrey wasn't placed on the DL, so that Darren O'Day can be DFA'd and offered back to the Angels as a Rule V draftee to make room for Nelson Figueroa to replace Pelfrey, so that Figueroa could then be DFA'd to make room for Casey Fossum to have that second lefthander in the bullpen to face lefties ... so that Fossum could walk the tying run home against the first lefthander he sees as a Met on four pitches.

(That tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that killed the rat ... etc.)

That's roster management at its best, folks. Omar Minaya is the guy who's really good at buying expensive gifts for his wife, but he has to because he constantly screws up the little things like letting three weeks of garbage pile up or calling the dinner order ahead, then forgetting to pick it up and spend the rest of the night wondering why everyone is so hungry. Nice job, Omar.

Of course, it wouldn't have come to Casey Fossum if Oliver Perez could get through six innings without giving up a leadoff single to a pitcher and walking a .230 hitting shortstop with the bases loaded. At least Ollie's ERA went down from 7.84 to 7.80 on Tuesday. That's called good news.

And in an unrelated story, here's some bad news:

“Teams are going to realize the Florida Marlins are for real and they have to play us differently. That’s what we want. We want to be known as the team to beat.” -Wes Helms

Great choice of words, Wes. Spectacular.

Stimulated

I know that most Met fans aren't allowing themselves to get ahead of themselves ... asking themselves such questions as:

• Will the Mets go to three starters or four in the playoff rotation?
• Will Aaron Heilman be on the post-season roster or not?
• Will Andy Phillips get a full World Series share?

But with last night's victory (and admit it: you loved that 10-8 score even though Oliver Perez was hit around and Jerry Manuel broke the new Met rule of "never pitch Nelson Figueroa against a bunch of softball girls") it's all right to feel good. No, I'm not going to feel better until the Mets are seven games in first place with sixteen games to play, but to see Carlos Delgado not only hit home runs but knock down satellites in the process is key ... not only because he's been the key to this lineup ever since he's gotten to New York, not only because the whispers of "MVP" have turned into full blown chants, and not only because I bought his jersey back in April when he stunk and he made me look like a genius.

But because Carlos Delgado is the guy who said this last season:

"I think at times we can get a little careless. We've got so much talent I think sometimes we get bored."

For as much undue flak Delgado received for that, it really is nice that he's the guy now carrying this team. Because who knows if he was talking primarily about the team or about himself ... but the one thing you can say now that Delgado has morphed into Ted Williams is that there's no way he's bored. If he was bored, would he have 11 home runs against lefties this season (as opposed to four last season?) Manny Acta thought he would be cute last night and bring in lefty Charlie Manning in against Uno Cinco to turn him around and then have Manning in to face Delgado ... they both homered (Charlie's no Peyton, obviously.) You can't get cute with the Carloses anymore.

So feel good ... it's okay to dream about post-season shares. Because you know, Ambiorix Burgos will probably need that share for legal fees. Idiot.

(Editor's note: At least Brian Bannister's ERA is rather high.)

In Yadier's Crosshairs

Not enough you break our hearts, Yadier ... now you try to kill us one by one?

Well, no use trying to figure out whether Tony Armas Jr. is going to be more Nelson Figueroa or more Alay Soler (actually, neither option is that good), but he was certainly a serviceable part Tuesday night, helping the Mets even their series with the Cardinals ... albeit with one very sore reliever who has a nice "National League" tattoo on the back of his leg courtesy of Yadier Molina.

The talk centered around Snoop Manuel playing Fluff Castro instead of Brian Schneider, Armas' batterymate from their Expos days. Castro responded by driving in three runs. That might be the best random button that Snoop has pushed since giving David Wright a rest (12 for 25 since).

Tonight is the rematch of one of those painful games from the last week of last season: Joel Pineiro vs. Pedro Martinez. And Pineiro hasn't won since April 29th. Just thought I'd point that out.

Damn you Yadier Molina.

Maine Up!

All right, first things first ... as in the first pitch of Tuesday night's victory from John Maine that nailed Felipe Lopez in the leg. Statement? Maybe, maybe not. But Maine has been in the middle of controversy before ... twice last season he had chances to dust guys. First, it was after Hong-Chih Kuo's bat flip after the third home run in three pitches. Then, it was during the Mets/Marlins brawl ... but that was while Maine was pitching a no-hitter.

Tonight, after the Nationals chanted and danced like "softball girls" (says the man who's now a minor leaguer) the previous night, John Maine coincidentally hits the first batter of the game. Well played, Bangor. He gets the controversy over and done with right off the bat so the two teams can go about their business of playing baseball instead of letting it linger and waiting for ... say, Elijah Dukes to come up so he can hit him. Should John Maine have waited and hit the man who was seemingly most responsible for the chants?

(Maine is a man, but he's not crazy. You see how big Elijah Dukes is?)

But I love what Maine did. I love that he sent a message to protect the honor of his teammate. Whether Nelson Figueroa was justified in what he said, or whether he needs to suck it up and ignore the Romper Room in the third base dugout, Maine stood up for his guy. It's not a pre-requisite that everybody in the room has to like each other off the field ... but it does help when teammates stick up for each other between the lines. Maine did that. And he did it in such a way that the Nationals backed down and didn't escalate the fray by retaliating.

Sit, stay.

Meanwhile:

Looks like Figueroa and Sosa got the boot on the Mets very own reality series. Figueroa was designated for assignment after the Nationals Cheer Squad tried to get in his head Monday night. Also on Monday night, Jorge Sosa was so bad that he actually forced the Mets do to the sane thing (something they try to avoid at all costs) and DFA him instead of sending down Joe Smith. You've got to be a special kind of awful to make the Mets do something right. So the Mets will now try to trade Sosa for what they hope will be a highly flavorful ham sandwich.

It Just Makes Sense

The Washington Nationals came into Monday's game against the Mets third from the bottom in the N.L. in batting average, second from the bottom in batting average, and at the very bottom in hits.

So of course they come in to Shea Stadium and drop ten hits and ten runs. Sure. Makes perfect sense.

Also makes sense that the hit that broke the game open belonged to the ghost of Lastings Milledge, a two run double off the top of the left field wall which turned a 6-3 lead into an 8-3 blowout (After which he high-fived the coaches, the fans, the ushers, the security guards, Gary Cohen, the parking attendants, the hard hats at Citi Field, the drivers stuck in traffic on the Grand Central, and the bellhops at the LaGuardia Airport Marriott. And then Bob Raissman wrote a 3,500 word essay on how Lastings Milledge hates babies and makes small animals cower in fear.)

You know what else makes sense? Odalis Perez. Lost his last eight starts? Hasn't had an RBI since 2004? No problem. Come to Shea and not only get the win (while giving up 11 hits in six and a third innings ... eleven hits), but get three knocks and two RBI's. Outstanding.

Odalis Boggs.

And you know what else makes sense: a Met complaining about another team's ... celebrating! Oh the sweet, delicious irony.

"They were cheerleading in the dugout like a bunch of softball girls," Figueroa said, ignoring gender equity to get his point across. "I take offense to that. ... That's why they are who they are."

But it didn't come back to haunt the Washington Nationals tonight ... did it, Goose? Is that what true Nationals do?

Of course, you know that Nelson Figueroa's comments will fire up the Nationals to win the next three games of this series. And then the bastions of our society ... known as talk radio hosts ... will all say that Figueroa shouldn't have said anything to fire the Nationals up, just like his team's dancing fires teams up, his team's celebrations fire teams up, and basically all forms of eating, walking, and breathing fires teams up. It's all your fault, you evil Mets! Why can't you be more like Joba Chamberlain?!?

Makes perfect sense to me.

Road Trippin'

I assume, because I can't tell you from first hand knowledge, that this isn't the kind of game you would have wanted to watch while on a drug trip.

Without the benefit of controlled substances that alter your mind, it was trippy enough drifting out of a fifteen minute long sleep hearing Gary Cohen yell about a long David Wright drive to center field, and then exclaim "The Mets win the game!" only to find out that it was only a dopey commercial for SNY. Then to see Damion Easley lead off the 14th with a chopping single to the left side while thinking it was a flashback to the 12th when Easley led off that inning with a single that looked exactly the same, and then realizing that it was actually the fourteenth, that was enough to make me see colors while turning my hand back and forth.

But when Joel Hanrahan sent Easley to second on a wild pitch, then to third on a throwing error, then struck out Ryan Church for the second out, then walk Wright and Carlos Delgado to force the Mets to use Brian Schneider ... their last position player off the bench ... while only thinking to warm up Scott Schoeneweis at the moment that Delgado was walked (way to think ahead), then have the whole delicious scenario of seeing the Mets fly blind for a couple of innings only to have Hanrahan throw another wild pitch and call the whole thing moot anyway?

You mind as well have put me in the Heavy Metal movie trailer at that point. I was all tripped out at that point without the benefit of drugs. It was just weird.

Sure, you say extra inning wins are fun. Sure they are. But not heading into the Philly series with Filthy having pitched two straight days, Joe Smith having pitched two straight days, Schoeneweis having warmed up 28 times in six innings, and Aaron Heilman having pitched four straight scoreless outings, which means he's overdue for a meltdown.

No seriously, good job Aaron. I fail to give him credit when he deserves it. And Aaron deserves it. Now don't make me look like a moron and implode against the Phillies.

(Now watch him do it just to spite me.)

And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Nelson Figueroa, who had his second superb outing in a row (seven K's in seven innings, along with seven brides for seven brothers) further distancing himself from fifth starter experiments gone horribly wrong. Speaking of which, Jose Lima just got released by the Kia Tigers in Korea. Does it mean his career is over? Or does it mean there's a rotation spot in New Orleans waiting for him? Only time will tell.

On to Philly. The Amtrak food service car is now open ... enjoy.