Puppet State

As a Met fan I know, realistically, that being happy is something that comes fleetingly these days. And that when the Met fan in me is happy, I expect a cold bucket of water to douse that flame of glee.

Joel Sherman's framing of Omar Minaya as the culprit behind Ike Davis' hurried call-up might be a bit off, but it serves its purpose as cold water. And the fact that Davis' day was unnecessarily a long one isn't what caught my eye from Sherman's blog:

"Mets general manager Omar Minaya told me he did not make his series of calls to get ownership's blessings, and to explain the plan to Jerry Manuel and others in the organization until yesterday morning. So instead of making a crown jewel's first day in the majors easier, the Mets turned it into an obstacle course."

Remember this. Remember this when Minaya gets fired, and you're all having your "Fire Omar" parties and you're shooting fireworks off your roof with the Gruccis. Remember that every move that Omar makes, good or bad, and the moves the he makes that will eventually get him fired one day, has to go through and be approved by ownership. While you may focus on the fact that Minaya didn't call for ownership's blessing until Sunday, I focus on the fact that Minaya has to get ownership's blessing to call up a minor league player in the first place.

I find it hard to believe that this happens everywhere in major league baseball. If I'm wrong, then please enlighten me. They have final say to the point where Minaya can't even make a call-up without calling Jeffy. Remember that the reason that Ike Davis was preparing to bat cleanup for the Bison in the morning only to fly to New York to prepare to hit sixth was because the Mets' general manager has to ask for "ownership's blessings" when it comes to trades, call-ups, pitch counts, and whether he's going to have the soup or the salad with his dinner.

Remember this when the next GM comes in and has the same puppet-like restrictions, and we wonder in five or six years why absolutely nothing has changed.

Finger On The Pulse

Yeah, your owner knows what you want (besides tributes to former Dodgers, limited sight lines new paint on the stairwells, that is). And he gives it to you on his Wil-Vlog.



Nightmares courtesy of your Wil-Pals at 12 Angry Mascots. And you can relive all the exploits of "Jeff Wilpon" at "jeffwilpon.com".

You've Got Questions, I Just Have More Questions

If Alex Cora was worth every penny of the $2.5 million the Mets paid him to be Jose Reyes insurance, then why would the Mets consider acquiring Cristian Guzman when it's time to cash in on the insurance policy?

Did Omar Minaya wake up and realize "Holy %$@#, we've gotta play Alex Cora every day!!!"

That's it, Rafael Santana's coming to camp to teach Ike Davis to play shortstop. Snoop loves the versatility anyway, so it works out.

And how is it that from January until know, I've completely forgotten that Josh Fogg was on the team?

Oh that's right, I remember now. He tried to slay a dragon and tweaked his side.

All other questions that I can't answer myself have been directed to your leader in WilVlog 3.0. Enjoy:



The Mascots just get angrier and angrier.

Six? Seven? Eight? Nine? Are You Out There?

"We're still going to have to pitch. Whether Jose or Carlos Beltran is there, No. 2, 3, 4 and 5 are going to have to pitch." -Jerry Manuel

No they don't, silly.

John Maine might be out by Game 3, Oliver Perez could run off and join the Peace Corps (boy, that would make Volunteers seem like an MSNBC documentary aired at 4AM), and if Mike Pelfrey's sinker doesn't start finding a way to sink, then enough outings like Thursday against the Red Sox could drive him to become the first player in the history of Earth to go on the DL with Attention Deficit Disorder.

And all those fifth starters? Boy band.

So 2-5? They don't really have to pitch at all. It just means that Johan is going to have to pitch every day and go through an aggressive regimen of power naps and cryogenics to bring his dead arm back to life between starts. It's all about Prevention and Recovery, right?

Good thing Jeff Wilpon has improved the promotions so that we'll all forget that 2-5 are actually going to have to pitch:



12 Angry Mascots provides the comedic version of the owner's son.

Are You A Wil-Pal?

Never let it be said that the Mets aren't in tune with the expanding technology and the expanding social media landscape. When the C.O.O. of the Mets puts together a video blog, you know this is a team that is ahead of the curve when it comes to the Internet technology.

And now, you can watch as Jeff Wilpon lets fans in on the excitement of the 2010 season with the first installment of his "WilVlog":



Comedy goodness comes courtesy of 12 Angry Mascots

No Hard Feelings, Chum?

At least Mike Jacobs doesn't take getting traded personally.

Jacobs is reportedly close to returning to the Mets on a free agent deal, completing the circle of life that had Jacobs traded for Carlos Delgado and making his return the season after Delgado leaves. But it kinda has me scratching my head. Sure, it's a minor league deal, but for his lack of an on base percentage, Jacobs provides some of the power that the Mets have been looking for. So why would the Mets sign him simply to strengthen Buffalo? Unless ...

Unless Jacobs is another one of those moving parts to make a trade with the Reds happen by including Daniel Murphy.

Nah, makes too much sense. Jeff Wilpon wants the Bisons to be a triple-A force. And why would Keith Hernandez bother to spend time teaching Murphy how to play first base? Besides, we know that in addition to the fact that the Mets have now unofficially run out of money (Jacobs is the guy who breaks the bank?), Omar Minaya is only permitted to do one thing at a time:


But that didn't stop the large market GM from claiming career minor-leaguer Jason Pridie off waivers from the Twins yesterday. In an ironic twist, that move enabled the small market Twins to put Orlando Hudson on their 40-man roster. Let that swill in your mouth a little bit.

Oh, sorry. Too negative? Let's translate that last paragraph for the ever growing Sunshine Brigade:

The Mets claimed outfielder Jason Pridie off waivers yesterday. Pridie is low-risk, high-reward.

All right, all right. You want positive for realz, yo? Okay, here goes: Hey, good thing the Mets don't have a pesky winter caravan or a fan fest anymore. It prevents foul-mouthed stuff like this from happening.

A Physical? Why, That Would Cost Money!

Gotta love an organization like the Mets that dares to fly in the face of conventional wisdom.

You know who else loves the Mets' organization? Used car dealers. They practically trip over themselves getting to Omar and Jeff trying to sell them a family wagon where the engine has been replaced by cupcakes and printer ink.

"What? A post trade physical? Come ahhhhhhhhhn! Where's your sense of danger? This world has gotten too safe. Live a little! It's like playing Let's Make A Deal where you never really know what's behind that curtain or in that box. Remember how much fun you had watching Let's Make A Deal when you were a kid? Come on, think positive and man up!!!"

But don't you kids find it fitting that an organization run by businessmen who were taken by a Ponzi scheme would blow something so simple like giving a guy with bone chips in his elbow a physical after trading for him? Because, y'know, damn near every trade ever made in the world in the last thirty years is immediately followed by the words "pending physicals." But not the Mets. Noooooooooo, not them. That's not nearly exciting enough for Mets fans. And excitement is what the Mets are about!

"Well we had no time for a real physical. Physicals cost money, and waste valuable time. And as you know, time is money. And we knew that one day that money would go towards bringing back Fernando Tatis for a third season. So we had a guy come in with a mallet to hit him on the knee and turns out Putz was fine. No no, doc was legit. He took a course."

The best part about the whole l'affaire is the Mets official response (not like the unofficial ones in the italics above.)

"“In our review of the player’s medical records in the acquisition of J.J. Putz, we were aware that he had a bone spur before the trade. He had the same condition in 2008 and was able to pitch with it. J.J. underwent an exam during Spring Training and an additional exam and MRI before he was cleared to play in last year’s World Baseball Classic. Unfortunately the spur did flare up again in May, and he missed the rest of the season."

Ooooooh ... BAZING! What a response!!!!! Except, y'know, it disputes nothing that Putz said in the "controversial" interview.

"When the trade went down last year, I never really had a physical with the Mets,” said Putz. “I had the bone spur (in the right elbow). It was discovered the previous year in Seattle, and it never got checked out by any other doctors until I got to spring training, and the spring training physical is kind of a formality. It was bugging me all through April, and in May I got an injection. It just got to the point where I couldn't pitch. I couldn't throw strikes, my velocity was way down."

Sounds to me like player and team are on the same page! Tremendous!!! Too bad the player is no longer a part of the team he's on the same page with.

But remember, one is an exception, two is a trend.

Putz’s season was over. And he learned a very important lesson: "That it’s my career, and when you know something doesn't feel right, and they want to take these little sidesteps to do something, and just wait and wait and wait, you got to get it taken care of instead of trying to prolong the inevitable."

Vindication ... thy name is Carlos Beltran.

But there was something about the Mets threw into their official response that was telling.

"We are happy to hear he is feeling well, and wish him success with the White Sox."

Yes, we've seen this kind of quote before. Here's the loose translation:

"Jam it where the sun doesn't shine, J.J."

Funny if a Mets doctor had done that, we might not be in this mess.

Yeah, we might still have Aaron Heilman.

"See! We knew what we were doing all along!"

If The Juggernaut So Chooses

"You mean, Jeff Wilpon hasn't gone all Pacman Jones on Indianapolis and made it rain all over the Marriott yet?"

Oh good, Scott "Prince of Darkness" Boras has gotten a look at the Mets finances, apparently.

Scott Boras, who represents outfielder Matt Holliday, called the Mets a financial "juggernaut" Wednesday, citing their television network, SNY; their new ballpark, Citi Field; and their location in the New York market.

"Their revenues are in the top three or four in baseball," Boras said. "The New York Mets have a lot of choices, and the Wilpon family is very successful. Sure, the Mets can sign any player they want to sign if they so choose to."

If they so choose to. Sounds like famous last words to me. Or, it sounds like the screws have been tightened just a bit further ... if not by Boras, then by Randy Wolf's new Brewers contract, convincing the Mets that maybe they spend a little bit more to get more quality. I know, I know, paying for quality is a lost art on this planet. But perhaps the evidence may be pointing to the next Cristal party in Indianapolis being on the tab of Jeff Wilpon.

If he so chooses to (shudder).

Cyrano de Wilpon

(Our story begins with Matt Holliday returning to his crib after beers with the fellas ...)

MH: Don't forget, McGwire's the designated driver tonight. See you later, party animals.

OM: Hello Mr. Holliday.

MH: Oh! You're here. Well, talk. I will listen.

OM: I love you.

MH: Talk to me of love.

OM: I love ... you.

MH: Elaborate, please.

OM: I love you ... very much.

MH: I don't doubt that. And what further?

OM: I would love ... if you would love us too.

MH: You are offering me platitudes when I was hoping for a large contract. Tell me a little of how you love me.

OM: Very very much.

MH: Disentangle your sentiments.

OM: I love you.

MH: Again!

OM: No, I do not love you ... I adore you. Love makes me into a fool.

MH: This displeases me that you are no longer the confident man that would swoop in and tell stories of how it would be above all else to play for your team. That instead you are old and beaten.

OM: But ...

MH: Rally me your routed eloquence.

OM: I ...

MH: Yes, you love me. Now go away.

OM: But ...

MH: Oh sorry, you adore me. I've heard it. Drive home safe.

(Jeff Wilpon appears)

JW: What the hell are you doing?

OM: I was only ...

JW: I told you that you are no longer to do this without me. Now go stand over there. (Throws pebbles at Holliday's window)

OM: What? I'll die!!!

JW: GO!

MH: Who is it?

OM: It's Omar!

MH: Oh it's you. Go away.

OM: I wish to speak to you.

MH: Your conversation is too common.

OM: (With prompting from Jeff) How common does 6 years $108 million sound?

MH: That's better. But why is your speech so stunted and interrupted?

OM: (moving towards the doorway, out of Holliday's sight) Because the dark ... I'm afraid of the dark.

MH: What's there to be afraid of? Why are your words difficult?

JW: (talking lower and mimicking Minaya's diction) What does it matter if they reach their destination? Your words merely drop ... My words have to climb to reach you.

MH: So does your contract offer.

JW: My heart is large ... and my wallet is (gulp) larger. With the masses that will surely fill Citi Field and buy our delectable fish sandwiches from Catch of the Day because of you, no price is too high for you.

MH: Now this ... this is love.

JW: But tell me, do you grasp my love's measure? Does some little part of my soul make itself felt of you in darkness and make you tremble?

MH: Yes, I tremble. And with a couple more million you can carry me away to your Field of Fish.

JW: That would be Citi Field. And yes, I will carry you away until death or Dr. Andrews do us part.

MH: I'll play for you Omar.

OM: (jumps in excitedly) And thus we will have you, Doc!!!

MH: Doc?

JW: DOC??!?

SB: Hey, what's going on here??!?

OM: SCOTT BORAS!!!

SB: What are the two of you doing here?

MH: The two of ... Jeff Wilpon? It was your words that wooed me?

JW: Umm, uhh?

MH: And you, Omar ... you thought I was Doc Halladay, didn't you?

SB: Get the hell out of Matt's apartment complex!!!

MH: Yeah, I'm re-signing with St. Louis.

JW: Omar you idiot (slaps him upside the head). What are we going to do now???

OM: Umm ... go to Boston to woo Jason Bay?

JW: (sigh) I'll drive.

A Step Behind

All right, so we're mere hours into the off-season, so let's kick it off by being impatient. It's so "New York Cliche" to be impatient, but I'm embracing it.

How can I help it? Already we've heard that the Mets are scared off by Aroldis Chapman's asking price, scared off by John Lackey's asking price, and have already missed out on two players widely thought to be potential parts of the Mets renaissance: Mark Teahen (to the White Sox) and Jeremy Hermida (to the Red Sox). With Carlos Delgado filing for free agency, maybe making a move for an upgrade at first base would have helped. Or, maybe Hermida would have been an option in left field, or as a better fourth outfielder option than whatever next season's 35-year-old flavor of the month might be. But I guess that's why Omar Minaya makes the big bucks getting Jeff Wilpon coffee while I just spew crap here in this space.

If the modus operandi of this team is truly going to change, then apparently it has to be done quick. Because even after one day without baseball, teams seem to be proactive in filling holes while the Mets have already stumbled out of the gate. Maybe the Mets do have a plan in mind. Maybe it does involve Lackey and/or Chapman, and everything we've heard from the media is a Mets induced smokescreen to hide a better plan.

I hope there's a better plan. And I hope they're right.

***

For those who wonder why I don't "support the Yankees for my city because I'm a New Yorker" or root for the Yankees because in 1986 Yankee fans "rooted for the Mets against the Red Sox", I bring you Carol Hirsch.

Carol Hirsch, 50, of Fair Lawn bought two sweatshirts, three T-shirts and a pennant for herself and her boyfriend. Part of it, she said, was to show her pride in her favorite team.

"And to stick it to Mets fans," she added. "We have a lot of friends who are Mets fans."

Check, and mate.

Omar Minaya Would Like You To Put Your Questions In A Box

A new procedure put in place in response to the Adam Rubin fiasco, beat writers will now be expected to put all questions for Omar Minaya in a box at the beginning of the day. Omar will address your questions at 7:30, after Jeff Wilpon tells him what his answers should be.

What Have You Learned? Jose Reyes

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today we celebrate the fact that Jose Reyes has finally had his surgery, what the Mets can learn as a species to ensure that this nonsense never happens again, and what Ted McGinley has to do with all this.

Here's what pisses me off about Jose Reyes:

All season long the pre-game shows (Fran Healy would like me to point out that the show is called "KFC Pre-Game Live" sponsored by KFC and their new Kentucky Grilled Chicken ... but I won't because I'm not being compensated, and I almost choked on a boneless chicken bit that actually had a bone) would be dominated by the following: "Jose Reyes got up out of bed this morning and ate a bagel with cream cheese, but the cream cheese weighed down his hamstring. Jerry Manuel says that he expects his return in about another two to three weeks."

And it went on and on and on ... and it wasn't just Reyes. We had to hear about the running, jumping, and eating habits of pretty much everyone on the roster. But Reyes is the meal ticket ... the one that holds it all together, making it more frustrating that this injury has been the one that has seemingly been mishandled the most.

And now that we get this ...

The Mets said Reyes will start his rehab shortly and can resume baseball activities "soon after the new year."

... it means we're going to have to hear this all winter. Jose Reyes will perpetually be two to three weeks away from something ... all the way through March.

JOY!!!

So what has Reyes learned? How can you learn if you're not in the classroom? You don't get to take a test from the nurses office. 2009 should have been the year for a guy like Reyes to take the next step in his baseball development and enter his prime with a flourish. Instead, he tried to go to third on a grounder to shortstop, and soon after that we never heard from him again.

I would hope that the Mets have learned that you can't make a concussion go away with a cortisone shot. Or that they've learned that the health of the players is more important than having them play meaningless September games to keep those SNY ratings up. But who knows? If Jeff Wilpon thinks he can run a baseball club, who's to say that he doesn't think he can run a hospital? Good thing that Father Fred didn't buy a hospital instead of a ballclub (Gimme the scalpel Daddy! Gimme the scalpel! I wanna try!!!)

You would think it would be so easy ... that you wouldn't screw up something so fundamental as injuries. But when Jeffy comes out and says "we have to change how we handle injuries", then it makes you think that all of these freak occurrences may not have been so freak. Maybe it's why we have Cowboys' doctors operating on Jose Reyes instead of our own guys. Then again, one of our own guys, Mike Herbst, looks too much like Ted McGinley, known for sinking every single show he's ever been on. So who can blame the Mets for thinking that Herbst is McGinley in disguise, sent by the Phillies to finish us off once and for all.

Coincidence? Me thinks not.

What Have You Learned? Ownership

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today, we look at the Wilpon family, and their family values as they pertain to baseball.

Ownership is underrated. One need look no further than Tampa for proof, where the Devil Rays were less than the model expansion franchise until Stuart Sternberg took over, exorcised the Devil, and brought the newly christened Rays to the World Series. It's also where the late Bill Davidson took over the laughingstock Tampa Bay Lightning and gave them their first Stanley Cup. Take a look at where the Lightning are now under the ownership of Oren Koules, Len Barrie and Absolute Hockey Enterprises to see how fast prosperity can change.

If you believe in the theory that everything trickles down from the top, then you have to believe that the six seasons out of the last eight that have been nightmarishly terrible have also trickled from the top. Not coincidentally, the last eight seasons are the ones since Nelson Doubleday, for all intents and purposes, was out as Mets owner. Not that the Mets history before this has been littered with pennants and World Series titles, but through all of the past angst with this franchise, whether it be Steve Phillips vs. Bobby Valentine, Rick Peterson vs. Scott Kazmir, Art Howe vs. a nap, Julio Franco vs. Mother Nature, Tony Bernazard vs. Willie Randolph, Tony Bernazard vs. the Cyclones Chaplain, Tony Bernazard vs. the Binghamton Mets, Omar Minaya vs. Adam Rubin, Jose Reyes vs. healthy hamstrings, David Wright vs. Citi Field, the one and only common thread through all of this ... is you, Fred Wilpon. And you, Jeff Wilpon.

It's you. It's always been you. And keep in mind that you're forcing me to agree with Wallace Matthews twice in one season. It might be your most egregious offense.

So what have the Wilpons learned? Absolutely nothing. Not a damn thing. Think about it: What did yesterday's Wilpon media blitz solve? Mind you, I saw very little of it. Didn't have to. Hasn't anybody in the Mets organization learned that less is more? That's the tact they take with, say, Mets memorabilia in Citi Field. Unfortunately, it's not the tact they take with, say, news conferences. And while nothing of that level happened, by all accounts the appearance was a horror show. But everything that was said in that news conference and everything they said on the Yankee Propaganda Hour could have been given to us in a news release.

Or better still, not at all. The term "tone deaf" gets thrown around a lot when it comes to how the Mets are run, and Monday was another example. All I kept reading in the last two months is how Met fans want this season to end, and end quickly. What Jeff did was extend the season unnecessarily by one day with his "news" conference, the only news being broken was that he fired Luis Alicea so that he has more time for drinks with Tom Nieto. Jeff's presence on Black Monday, or on any other off day for that matter can never improve perception, only ruin it. His aim was to probably make me realize that ownership really feels bad about this and have me rally behind them. But what really happened was that I listened to him speak and thought that when the movie gets made about this franchise, Adam Sandler is a slam-dunk to play Jeff Wilpon. (And Jeff might be better suited to be a wedding singer anyway.)

And maybe we needed to hear something after 2007, but when you come and apologize three seasons in a row, it gets old ... especially after a season we knew was over in July. It doesn't need to be told to us, just shown to us. Your actions always speak louder than your words. Actions over the last four years: three do-or-die games lost at home, and a 70-win season.

And now, while your words say you're going to do everything you can to fix this, your actions say that you're prepared for the same old same old. Your actions say that you're willing to blame everything on the injuries without taking into account that the baseball that preceded it was shoddy at best. You'd better be right, or else you've just thrown 2010 away before the ink is dry on 2009.

You want to fix this? Start by not doing a thing going forward. You're bringing back Omar, you're bringing back Snoop. Fine. Now go away. Nobody wants to hear from you, nobody wants you peering over their shoulder. Let the baseball people do the baseball things, and you stick to running the business ... because that's what baseball teams are now, right? Nothing more than businesses. I accept that.

But know this: If all you're worried about is the bottom line ... if all you're worried about is the financial ledger, and you're not willing to admit that a baseball team is more than a business to your fan base, and you're not willing to go the extra mile for your loyal fans by doing things such as making your fans feel at home at Citi Field rather than making 90-year-old Brooklyn Dodger fans feel at home, then don't expect Met fans to treat your business as anything more than that. If you treat the Mets, your Mets, as a disposable income option for people who could care more about drinking wine at the Acela Club than about baseball, rather than a baseball team that people have had a life long love affair with, then don't expect the fans, your fans, to treat the Mets as anything more than just one of many choices for their entertainment dollar rather than 25 of their closest friends whom they can't live without. And know that the choices you make for your business do not live, or die, in a vacuum.

Remember that as you wonder why nobody's coming to your sparkling new ballpark in 2010.

Zombieland

Cory Sullivan strokes what will forever be known as the least fun game winning hit in major league history

I wish I could say that I could feel some satisfaction in potentially eliminating the Marlins from the playoffs after what happened the last two seasons. But sadly, there's none.

Alright, maybe a little. But with the Marlins' elimination number at four after Cory Sullivan knocked it down with a game winning two run single on Friday, there's pretty much zero chance that the Fish will be officially dead by the time the Mets go to Washington.

And even so, it's difficult to get over the fact that I've never seen a team have less fun than these New York Mets are having right now. And maybe that's a good thing ... how many people would be howling if they saw a Met laughing and yukking it up in the dugout? And I know most teams in their position would just be waiting for the season to end. But jeez, this team looks like Woody Harrelson is about to make them his Zombie Kill of the Week. I mean, there's some extreme lethargy going on here ... except for Sullivan. Oh, and Brian Schneider who alertly scored on a passed ball when David Wright refused to believe he missed the pitch, and Bill Hohn refused to signal anything even though it's his job to.

Speaking of Wright, hitters go through entire seasons without striking out after they've worked the count to 3-0. Wright did it in two straight at-bats. It's sad to see a man so mentally beaten to the point that he looks eerily like a man who isn't very good at baseball. But it's okay, because at least we know that David Wright is very good at business deals.

Sad that a great businessman plays for a team owned by alleged businessmen who have allowed themselves to be taken by a Ponzi scheme.

While Others Spoil, The Mets Are Sweeteners

Nice of the Mets to improve everybody else's playoff hopes since they really haven't had any since Shea still stood. Thursday night's embarrassing effort helped the Braves out as they completed their sweep of the orange, black and blue (in that order) putting them four and a half behind the wild card leaders, and dropping the Mets all the way back to 1965.

The big news came before the game when Gangsta General indeed pulled Bobby Parnell from the starting rotation and put him in the bullpen for the last two weeks of the season, while still holding fast to plans to have him start games in winter ball. Makes perfect sense to me, because as you know long term plans are for suckers. Winning games is the ultimate goal, a goal that the Mets have executed veeeeeeery weeeeeeell in September.

And don't you find it funny that now, now, when the season is out the window, we're worried about putting the best team on the field to win games, as opposed to worrying about getting Gary Sheffield and Fernando Tatis at bats. Nothing backwards about that at all.

Snoop then went on to continue citing injuries as the reason that the Mets can't seem to spoil anybody else's September, even though everybody else seems to spoil Flushing Septembers when injuries aren't a factor.

But the best news/speculation came of the night came courtesy of these guys:

"Andrew Marchand of ESPN 1050 NY radio just tweeted that an associate of the Wilpons says they might not spend at all this off-season. He went on to say that his source said that the only way to get the Wilpons to spend will be public pressure."

Oh great. Way to formulate a plan and stick to it ... unless of course the press is bad. Maybe with all the extra money they save perhaps the Wilpons can buy themselves a spine. And maybe they'll have some left over to splurge on a clue for Manuel.

Public pressure? Oh please let this be true ... because this is the most hysterical thing I've heard. And it fits, doesn't it? The only way the Mets put a picture of Ed Kranepool up in the hallway was because everybody bitched and moaned about it. But somehow I think it's going to take more than me typing "spend spend spend spend spend" on this blog over and over again to get the Wilpons to put money into the product. No, I'm thinking about ten thousand of you showing up at Citi Field in November carrying pitchforks and torches, dressed as bankers.

And mind you that Jeff Wilpon, who'll only do stuff if enough people complain, is the guy who wants to make more of the day-to-day decisions. But if the payroll really is frozen, he's just going to make the same decision over and over again:

Nope, can't afford him. See if Hernandez is available.

Which one?

Does it matter?

Ooooooh, I can't wait for the off-season! Giddy!

Enough Money For One Lousy Beer

I hope for Alexi Panos' sake that she's not still doing "Beer Money" when she's 45 years old.

But if she is, she'll have that ace question in the hole where she'll ask the contestant du jour to name as many players who got a hit during the inning where they set a club record with ten. She could even tell them that the year was 2009. And the guesses will inevitably include luminaries such as Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado, and perhaps even Ryan Church.

Heck, some would even guess Keith Hernandez before they guess Luis Castillo, Jeff Francoeur, Gary Sheffield, Omir Santos, Anderson Hernandez, Angel Pagan, Fernando Tatis, and freakin' Oliver Perez.

That's right, the largest inning of offensive juggernaution (no, it's not a word) includes those last eight names ... and yes, Oliver Perez is one of them. If you can truly cause death by paper cuts, then that's a textbook murderers row. But the record inning does not include Daniel Murphy, who made two of the three outs in that inning and should really be ashamed of himself ... because now he'll be benched for the rest of the homestand knowing Snoop.

Of course, I missed the damn inning ... partly because of just plain "stuff", but partly because I was in no rush to get back to the television after Perez gave up a bomb to Adam LaRoche to give the Braves a 4-0 lead, and I launched into some sort of song where the lyrics "I hate you Ollie" were prominent, and stormed off to go on a string of activities ... not the least important of which was dinner. What happens? They set records. The team who's about seven injuries away from me playing left field set a franchise record. I missed it. I suck.

Not that the record or the win makes me feel any better. In May I would have been reassured by Oliver Perez beating Derek Lowe ... "hey, looks like the Mets made the right choice, eh?" Now? It's only part of the cruel irony of 2009. It's like slaying the dragon ... when you're 100 games out. Because Ryan Church will leave New York at the end of the series still trying to make the playoffs, while Snoop Manuel will be trying to avoid Jeff Wilpon in the hallways.

Speaking of:

Mets manager Jerry Manuel's support system is eroding. First, his main backer, Tony Bernazard, the top aide of GM Omar Minaya, was fired. Now we're hearing that Minaya is about to be "reassigned," and John Ricco will be promoted to the GM job, an indication that the owner's son, Jeff Wilpon, wants to expand his involvement in day-to-day duties.

Oh, that's the solution to this mess ... more Wilpon. Why didn't I think of that? I feel better already. Hey when you "reassign" Minaya, can you please assign him to my apartment to slit my wrists with a plastic spoon while Alexi Panos asks me to name all the pitchers that have had a no-hitter after leaving the Mets? Thanks.

Thumbelina

When the Mets signed Alex Cora, they did so on the same day that Derek Lowe went to the Braves. I then compared Cora to a bag of Funyuns.

Yeah, here's the thing: I like Funyuns. Always have. Cora had more nutritional value to the Mets than Funyuns have when I eat them.

But don't go running to the stores to load up on them, they're out of stock for ten weeks. Yes, Alex Cora is out for the season with not one, but two bad thumbs. Which begs the question: how in the world did he hit a home run in San Diego with two busted thumb ligaments? And can we have a banner hung in left field to honor that?

In other news, Livan Hernandez's thumb ligaments are fine ... it's just his stuff that's out for the season, as another hitter in a deep slump comes to New York and finds his stroke in a 10-1 loss to the Giants. The season has gotten so bad, and fans have gotten so upset that they're now raucously cheering one-out walks to Andy Green while down by nine runs in the ninth. They've become so mad that they're happy, and the whole foundation is collapsing upon itself. The Mets will be physically rehabbing in the offseason, while their fans will be rehabbing with hours and hours of intense therapy. Good eye, Andy.

In even more news, Jeff Wilpon had to perform more damage control as he personally travelled to Buffalo to apologize for making Bison fans miserable watching the one team which might be less fun to watch than the Mets.

"There's disappointment in the fan base and ownership here as well as ownership in New York with how they've performed. We have to fix that. It's something we want to do better and we will do better for the city of Buffalo and for the Mets. It's good business to do better and it's also the morally right thing to do because Buffalo has opened its arms to us and we really appreciate that."

So basically what he's saying is that the team that he gave to Buffalo is an affront to Jesus, who is probably pissed off that somehow, Mike Lamb still has work. But funny how good business comes before morals in that statement. Money, then values. Of course.

Wilpon also went on to apologize to the city of Buffalo for jobs lost due to the recession, the state government, Oliver Perez's rehab starts, Brett Hull being in the crease, lake effect snow, Scott Norwood, Patrick Kane punching the cab driver, and Terrell Owens' reality show. He hinted that all of those events were somehow caused by Ryan Church.

Justice, Persistence, Courage

FLUSHING, NY - The New York Mets today announced plans for a new addition to Citi Field that will address the fans' wishes to acknowledge the rich history of the franchise. The brand new "Angel Berroa Rotunda" will be a tribute to the values and tools that Berroa brought to the New York Mets during his time in New York.

"This rotunda is going to be spectacular," said former Berroa teammate Joe Randa while choking back tears at today's dedication. "This ensures that future generations will never forget the contributions of a great man and a great shortstop."

Berroa won the A.L. Rookie of the Year in 2003, beginning a journey that would ultimately lead him here to New York for fourteen games that would define a legacy.

"At my stage of life you're looking for permanence, you're looking for things that sure up the future," said manager Jerry Manuel via conference call, who managed Berroa with the Mets. "When kids and families and children walk through that rotunda, I hope they're going to reflect on not just what they see Angel Berroa accomplished, but also think about themselves and say, 'What am I doing? How am I recognizing a curveball? What was my lifetime batting average against the Diamondbacks?"

The Angel Berroa Rotunda will be located at the new centerfield entrance, and will contain images and memories of Berroa's time with the Mets and with the Los Angeles Dodgers, who moved from Brooklyn in 1958. Berroa, who was designated for assignment on Thursday, could not be reached for comment.

"Today's announcement and the ceremonial groundbreaking for this new addition to Citi Field represent the latest milestones in the significant progress and development of the Mets' new home," said Jeff Wilpon, Senior Executive Vice President and COO, New York Mets. "Angel really affected everybody in the organization during his time here, and we thought it was appropriate for our new home to reflect that."

The club provided digital renderings of some of the highlights of the Angel Berroa Rotunda, due to open in 2011:

I'm Not An Animal ... Technically

I really thought I had it all planned out. Was rolling along on this blog and was ready to launch into foolproof reasoning why David Wright should have charged Brad Thompson after being brushed back near his head.

But then I started eliminating the reasons in my head. I went in knowing that Wright charging the mound wouldn't provide spark enough to carry the team to the pennant. I knew that it wouldn't improve the perception of the team in other circles (though it couldn't be quite as bad as it is right now.) And I knew that there would be a better than even chance that a brawl involving the Mets would probably send at least six players to the disabled list.

(Seriously, what tortured spirit was unearthed when Jeffy put his shovel to the Shea Stadium parking lot?)

But then I realized, after invoking the "times have changed and we're all too nice" defense, reasoning how Wright should only think after acting (because not having time to think did the trick for Nelson Figueroa), and getting ready to juxtapose this incident with the Prince Fielder/Guillermo Mota incident (Mota ... LOL!) I came to an honest and enlightening conclusion: The only reason I wanted Wright to charge Thompson was to make me feel better. I haven't puffed out my chest about the Mets since Game 6 (no, not that Game 6) All a brawl would have seriously done was put a smile on my face. Not the kind of smile that a 9-0 win while losing two more players to the Balkin & Eisbrouch list gives you. I mean a huge smile.

I was selfish.

I was violent.

I was an animal.

Oh don't get me wrong, I still think Wright should have charged the mound. I sure as hell would have gotten some frustration out of that room, and yeah ... I do think we've gone soft as a sport since Ray Knight went after Tom Niedenfuer, and would like to see some vigilante justice out there. It might have been overboard for Wright to charge, but so what ... some people deserve a beating. And some people who don't deserve a beating should get one anyway.

But I'm not going to hide my personal slant/bias in this. For example, the mere thought of Shane Victorino makes me wish it was me in that batters box instead of Wright (no 'roids needed for my rage). I'm not ashamed to say that rooting for this team gives me violent tendencies. Well, maybe a little ashamed. But while I came to rant about the Mets, I instead had a breakthrough about myself. I need to deal with this in a healthy way and not let it get in the way of how I write.

Aah, screw healthy. Brad Thompson needs a beating. And so does Tony La Russa for making a pitching change in the eighth inning of a 7-0 game on getaway day (take that, genius.) And the kid who saw a guy in a John Franco jersey and said aloud "Yeah, I saw John Franco get a save, like, ten years ago yuk yuk yuk" while being only about 12 years old himself ... yeah, he deserves a beating too. And Yadier Molina deserves a beating for having a Cheshire cat grin on his mascara lined face after he threw out a runner stealing second on Tuesday.

Guillermo Mota deserves a beating too. Because he's had it coming for a while. And while you're at it, look inside your own soul. You could probably use a beating yourself.

There, I feel better. But I guess I really haven't learned anything.

Maybe it was Casper?

Another Day, Another News Conference, Another Win

"I think he really understands he made a very large mistake here. He apologized to ownership, he apologized to the staff. Omar has told me he's remorseful about what he said." -Jeff Wilpon

"So I sent him to his room without his supper to think about what he's done. He's been a very bad boy."

My favorite part of Tuesday's news conference, the one that expounded on Monday's second news conference which was needed to smooth over Monday's first news conference, was the part where Jeffy said something like "Oh, Omar's around. But he needs some time to recuperate, he's had a tough day and he's visibly shaken."

Awwww.

Yeah, Omar needs a day off. I mean, it's not like there's anything going on that a general manager really needs to do near the end of July. Oh don't worry about that small detail that it's the one chance Omar has to improve the club whether it be for now or for the future. Because we can't have Mark Shapiro or Billy Beane calling Flushing to talk trade only to have Minaya collapse in a heap as he bawls his eyes out and have the flavor of his own tears make his Alpha Bits taste funny. (Can you spell "inept" with one spoonful? I knew you could.)

Yes, you rest. Tony can run the trade deadli ... oh, that's right.

Luckily, the Mets continue to smooth things over with a winning streak which is now at four, giving Minaya a false sense of security and enabling him to trade half the farm system to the Reds for Jonny Gomes and Alex Gonzalez. Mike Pelfrey's pitching well, Daniel Murphy's playing small ball at the cleanup spot, and Jeff Francoeur is pretending that it was his evil twin on the Sports Illustrated cover. But most important to this winning streak is the fact that Brian Schneider is growing a beard that makes him look gritty. Looks almost too good though, like he had thick black ink spackled on his face with a sponge by a Hollywood make-up artist. That's all right though, because it's a beard that says "We don't care about front office propaganda, we're ballplayers! And we're gritty! Grrrrrrrr!"

I feel better already.