Real World/Reyes Rules

Jose Reyes has so many cameras on him while playing on minor league fields and doing wind sprints that he had remarked that he thought he was on the "Jose Reyes Reality Show".

Finally, somebody breaks the Jose Reyes rehab down into it's simplest terms, and it's Jose himself. And all I can say his thank goodness that he's going to come back on or around April 11th instead of say, June 1. I know I can't take another episode of "Real World/Reyes Rules" on SNY. I mean, I turn on the damn station to see baseball, and instead I get this:


At least most of the "Real World/Reyes Rules" actually takes place on a baseball field, where none of these reality stars would even be near ...


No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Coming up after Beer Money, it's Road Rules/Murphy's Law.

It's A One Horse Race

Fernando Tatis really made an impression on Mets brass during Wednesday's spring training win over the Astros, when two straight fly balls hit by Tatis were dropped by Astros fielders, including Fielding Bible award winner Hunter Pence, leading to a key Mets run.

"It's like those balls he hit had buzzsaws on 'em man," said Mets manager Jerry Manuel. "Those balls he hit were some gritty ... it really takes a special kind of hitter to make those balls move like that to confuse the fielders. I think if he can do this a couple times a game like he did today, we'd really have a better chance to win on most nights."

And thus it was announced after the game that Tatis will start at first base this season. Omar Minaya subsequently announced that Daniel Murphy was traded to the Twins for Joe Mauer ... 's copy of MLB 2K10 for Wii of which he's on the cover (the trade had to be modified when Minaya realized that Mauer is actually on the cover of MLB The Show). And Ike Davis was traded to the Phillies for Ryan Howard, who was traded to the Cardinals for Albert Pujols, who was traded to the Yankees for Francisco Cervelli ... clearing the way for Tatis to be the Mets first baseman for the rest of your life and your afterlife. But don't worry, the Mets also announced that lasagna bolognese will be served in your personal hell, and those pesky birds will be redirected away from your food.*

*Outside of the two dropped fly balls this post is satire, in case you didn't figure it out by the time Omar traded the best player in baseball for a back-up catcher which, though plausible, actually didn't happen ... this time. Please come down off the ledge and have a Peking Duck Bun.

Animal Rakes, Blogger Bellyaches

All right, so we all know that "First Base/2010" is patchwork until Ike Davis is ready for the majors. Fine. And we also know that Daniel Murphy has the inside track. Maybe.

But how can you not have a spot for a guy nicknamed "Animal" on the Mets?

There's pros and cons to giving Chris Carter on the team. But what are the alternatives? How much more is Mike Jacobs going to give you than Chris Carter? Granted, Carter is less proven than Jacobs, as in Mike Jacobs has proven he can strike out a ton. What's the worst that can happen if Carter comes up? Even if he just backs up Murphy when it's all said and done?

And don't give me Fernando Tatis and having to wade through his fifty-eight double plays to get to the two grand slams he's going to hit.

My angle is that I want to see the Mets get some bang for their buck, so to speak, on that Billy Wagner trade as the Mets thought that Chris Carter and three million bucks (that went to Tatis and Kelvim Escobar) would be better for the franchise going forward than the two first round picks that the Red Sox got when Atlanta signed Country Time. Of course, any team that chooses cash considerations over re-investing in your farm system deserves to have the transaction bite them in the ass. But I don't. And as you know, it's all about me. So please just bring Carter up and make me happy until Ike Davis comes up in 2011 (or this May) and makes Chris Carter a mere footnote in the recesses of my mind.

Really, it doesn't get much better than "Animal".

***

Down about the lost chance for that second lefty? Or perhaps you're crying in your beer about Mike Pelfrey being about as useful as a batting tee against the Nationals. Well the best way to cheer up is to head yourself down to Two Boots Tavern at 7PM tonight for the first Amazin' Tuesday of 2010, hosted as always by Greg Prince of Faith and Fear in Flushing, and Jon Springer of Mets by the Numbers. There will be free beer in exchange for a Mets baseball card (as always), and you can get yourself a paperback copy of Greg's best selling book with a 2009 epilogue 10 bucks, which goes to the Tug McGraw Foundation. Pizza, beer, and philanthropy. You can't beat it ... not even if Chris Carter makes the Mets.

No Hard Feelings, Chum?

At least Mike Jacobs doesn't take getting traded personally.

Jacobs is reportedly close to returning to the Mets on a free agent deal, completing the circle of life that had Jacobs traded for Carlos Delgado and making his return the season after Delgado leaves. But it kinda has me scratching my head. Sure, it's a minor league deal, but for his lack of an on base percentage, Jacobs provides some of the power that the Mets have been looking for. So why would the Mets sign him simply to strengthen Buffalo? Unless ...

Unless Jacobs is another one of those moving parts to make a trade with the Reds happen by including Daniel Murphy.

Nah, makes too much sense. Jeff Wilpon wants the Bisons to be a triple-A force. And why would Keith Hernandez bother to spend time teaching Murphy how to play first base? Besides, we know that in addition to the fact that the Mets have now unofficially run out of money (Jacobs is the guy who breaks the bank?), Omar Minaya is only permitted to do one thing at a time:


But that didn't stop the large market GM from claiming career minor-leaguer Jason Pridie off waivers from the Twins yesterday. In an ironic twist, that move enabled the small market Twins to put Orlando Hudson on their 40-man roster. Let that swill in your mouth a little bit.

Oh, sorry. Too negative? Let's translate that last paragraph for the ever growing Sunshine Brigade:

The Mets claimed outfielder Jason Pridie off waivers yesterday. Pridie is low-risk, high-reward.

All right, all right. You want positive for realz, yo? Okay, here goes: Hey, good thing the Mets don't have a pesky winter caravan or a fan fest anymore. It prevents foul-mouthed stuff like this from happening.

I Guess Beirut Wouldn't Pay The Luxury Tax

Welcome to New York, Jason Bay. Try to contain your obvious excitement.

In a related story for you fans, your season ticket deposit is due in ten minutes. Line forms to the left of the Angel Berroa Rotunda, and you can easily slip the check into Mr. Met's giant head.

Why do you think his smile is so wide?

I'm smiling too ... well, as much as a Met fan will allow himself to smile these days. Don't out-think this, boys and girls. This is a good move. In a vacuum, it's a great move. If you have doubts as to Bay's ability to hit home runs in a large park, look at his home run chart. Check out the distances on the home runs, specifically on the home runs that are labeled as "lucky". Even the lucky ones for the most part went 380. So don't get sucked into the "Citi Field as Cavernous" line of thinking on this one. Citi Field was cavernous to the Punch, Judy, and Banjo hitters that roamed the earth in Queens last season. Visitors hit 81 home runs there in '09. You know why? Because they didn't suck, that's why. So ... easy does it, Sparky.

And Jason, I'm talking to you more than anyone since you're the one that seems to worry about the park most of all. You know what happens when you let a ballpark psych you out? You get David Wright in 2009. Think about that Jason, before you try to jam a knife into your shoulder in advance of your physical which would make the Mets contract official.

(Speaking of, if you do get hurt this season, you'd do better relying on your Canadian public health care than the advice of Mets management.)

That's what worries me about Bay in Citi Field ... not that he can't hit there, but whether he'll allow himself to be messed up by the park. Bay isn't going to be a Robby Alomar at first, who did nothing but complain about being traded to the Mets from Day One and never had the right attitude to play in this city. Bay will say all the right things and smile and kiss babies if he has to, to keep the legions of "if he doesn't want to be here then screw him!" people off his back. He'll be fine in that regard, because if you can play in Boston, you can play in New York. What worries me is the day in mid-July where he's sitting in the corner of the clubhouse curled up in the fetal position wondering why Joe Urbon didn't just sign him for less money to play at Fenway when he's steaming towards the all-star break with eight home runs and the fans are chanting "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay-ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut" at him.

So the lesson here is that a ballpark will only psych you out if you let it. It's Citi Field, not Central Park. Of course Jason, if you do get psyched out by the park, a few sessions on the couch with Howard Johnson will fix you right up.

Wait, that didn't sound right.

Oh, and defense? Hey, I like defense as much as the next guy. But show me an available current major league left fielder who sucks up every fly ball hit in his zip code and hits 30 home runs a year, and I'll show you your created video game player. So our left fielder needs a GPS on defense. What's an out of range fly ball among friends?

(Daniel Murphy just cursed under his breath.)

Earlier, I mentioned that this was a good move in a vacuum. But in the grand scheme of things, if the Mets are serious about improving their team, this will be a move, and not the move. If the Mets are serious only about collecting those season ticket invoices, then this is it ... so go back to sleep until April.

If they're serious about winning, they'll scrap this "we only have a few million left to spend" line and go revamp this rotation by signing Ben Sheets, or trading for a Red (Bronson Arroyo or Aaron Harang will do ... I'm not picky anymore), perhaps in conjunction with a Brandon Phillips acquisition (getting greedy now). Or how about Carlos Zambrano? He's available, apparently. And as crazy as he might be, and as expensive as he might be, think about having a pitcher who has never finished with an ERA above 3.99 while pitching in Wrigley Field. And think of all the wacky antics you'll enjoy when Z destroys a water cooler or puts a catcher in a full nelson. If it's Bengie Molina, so be it.

If it's his brother Yadier, all the better.

What Have You Learned? Daniel Murphy

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today, in a very special "What Have You Learned", as we discuss ... Daniel Murphy.

You don't tug on Superman's cape.

You don't spit into the wind.

You don't pull that mask off that old Lone Ranger.

You don't trust Lenny Dykstra with your life savings.

And for the love of all things holy, you don't gather a group of Mets fans together at a pizza joint and even pretend to make a joke about Daniel Murphy. Because that's the direction that the Volvo was headed for me when I started on a riff about Murphy's notebook ... after he got a hit ... on a night where he came up with half of the Mets hits that night. In retrospect, what the hell was I thinking?

"Hey! Leave Murph alone!!!"

So what have I learned about Daniel Murphy? First off, that people love him and if I dare even think about joking about him, then those same people will slice off my sensitive parts with a rusty blade and feed them to me as dim sum. And that people who work as hard as Daniel Murphy shouldn't be joked about. Yeah ... save your jokebook for those that deserve it, like Bobby Bonilla ... Steve Phillips ... and Balloon Dad.

Fair point. But does it mean that we shouldn't get rid of him? Unfortunately, that's a harder point to make. The numbers for Murph don't exactly read like tea leaves ... more like complicated computer code. We can agree that his second half was much better than his first half. And I'm sure we can agree that his horrible first half was due in part to having to change positions ... his average in May when all this was going on was a healthy .176. Now here are the splits, first half to second:

• Average: .248 to .282
• Slugging: .364 to .485
• OPS .677 to .798

And yet, his on base percentage went down a point from .314 to .313 between halves ... so while the sexy numbers have bumped significantly, Murph is still a free swinger. And that tells me he has a ways to go before he can be the hitter that his legions of followers are sure he will be.

Leaning on that work ethic of his, you would think that Murphy can work his way up, or at least work hard enough to keep his numbers where they are and not have another month batting .176. Question is, will the Mets (Snoop Manuel) have enough patience to put him at first base and leave him there (and stop worrying about Fernando Tatis' time, or whichever washed up reclamation project Jeff Wil... er, Omar Minaya signs)?

Will Omar sign enough offense at other positions on the diamond to construct a good enough lineup to leave Murphy at first base? And there's the defensive aspect too ... will Murphy have the schooling he needs at first base to not only be able to field the position (which he's done fine), but to also know where he needs to be and what base to cover/throw to? Because that's been his problem at first base ... and let's face it, with the little experience he's had at first, you had to expect that! So while to say that Murphy has been a defensive liability at first might be true, you can't put it all on him. Hopefully he'll have some sort of position set for him from now until April so that he'll know where he'll be and what he needs to prepare for.

(Heck, you could say that's what a lot of players on this roster and in this organization needs ... rather than being asked to learn two or three different positions while taking time away from learning the finer points of hitting. But I've already waved that "Stop Making All Our Players Into Utility Players" banner, no need to wave it again.)

Now, that position will probably be first base with the Mets. But if the Mets show a lack of patience, or if Murphy can be used as a chip to get a power bat, maybe that position is his more natural third base somewhere else. But the key would be to not diminish his value and trade him for a middling, somewhat productive, 35-year-old bat such as a Magglio Ordonez. If he's traded, it had better be part of a package for Doc Halladay and not, say, Victor Zambrano.

Excuse me while I bludgeon this dead horse:


But seriously. While I hesitate to say that trading Murphy now would be "selling low" after his bounce back second half, there's plenty more improvement to be seen here before it's decided that he's gone. It's up to the organization, if indeed they keep him, to draw it out, keep him in the lineup, not jerk him from position to position, acquire talent around him and take some pressure off him, and heed the creed that I was ordered to adhere by at a certain pizza place:

Leave Murph alone.

What Have You Learned? Brian Schneider

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today, we look at Brian Schnieder, and most likely jinx his very existence.

I pretty much knew it was a lost cause when I led off my "Behind the Blow" series by writing about Scott Schoeneweis. There was a part of me hoping that Schoeneweis would make a return trip to Shea in '09 as I wrote that on October 1st of '08. By December 12th, Schoeneweis was gone, for some guy named Connor Robertson.

Now, as I write to you about Brian Schneider, I'm also hoping against hope that Schneider comes back even though you, your family, your friends, Omar Minaya, Omar Minaya's friends, and for some reason Avril Lavigne (?) are hoping for Schneider to be gone. I don't blame you. But considering the options out there, Brian Schneider doesn't look so bad.

Now there's going to have to be an offensive upgrade at a few other positions to make this palpable. You could have upgraded this position in one fell swoop by trading for Victor Martinez. But that ship has sailed and is currently docked in the Charles river. So who's left? Rod Barajas? He had 19 HR's last year but also batted .220. Bengie Molina? At the age where catchers start that inevitable descent off the cliff? Yorvit Torrealba?

Oh, silly me.

Then you look at the internal options. Josh Thole is a catcher who needs some work on catching the ball. Three passed balls and one error in 16 games tells me he needs to expand the zone ... his comfort zone. He's going to be a fine hitter, but only if he gets a little more time in the minors to refine his stroke and be completely ready to go when he gets back to the show, rather than become 2010's version of Daniel Murphy.

And Omir Santos? He's going to live off that Papelbon home run for a long time ... it's probably gotten him further than he deserves, and he'll live off that for at least a few more months going into next season. But look at his numbers. They tell me that the offensive upgrade from Schneider to Santos isn't worth what you lose in defense and in calling a game. If the upgrade was from Schneider to Victor Martinez? No brainer.

It would have taken management having a set to make a trade for Martinez while being far out. But that didn't happen. The options that exist now don't excite me enough to stick with what we have ... which is an inexperienced Thole and a journeyman in Omir Santos. As with Murphy, it would take some major upgrades at other positions to make keeping Schneider palatable. This team needs major upgrades at other positions anyway, so why not consider Schneider's return as a way to help the pitching staff a little bit ... or at the very least give Mike Pelfrey a personal catcher that can actually make a difference (not like giving Paul Bako any credit for being Greg Maddux's caddy)?

Well ... here's why not: Because you can't bring back Brian Schneider and Daniel Murphy. And if the choice is a semi-decent prospect and a journeyman catcher, you bring back the guy with the higher ceiling, and that's Murphy. If you bring in a left fielder, a first baseman, and maybe even a second baseman like Dan Uggla, then there's a chance for Schneider to come back. And maybe you have to use Murphy as a trade chip to make that happen. That said, you can also make a good case to bring Murphy back (which I will attempt in the near future), just as you can make a case for Schneider to come back (which is more a concern about the lack of catching options out there). But you can't bring both back ... there's no good case for that.

Now that I've written a piece that's somewhat pro-Schneider, expect to hear tomorrow that Schneider's been released so that he can sign with Telemarket Rimini.

What Have You Learned? Jerry Manuel

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today, we put on our gangsta colored glasses and take a look at our manager, Snoop Manuel.

"You play to win the game" -Herman Edwards

"Oh crap, we're 25 games out, maybe I should manage to win." -Snoop Manuel, in not so many words

It surprises me when I go back and look at the game logs of guys like Ryan Church and Daniel Murphy, and see that Church really didn't have as many games off in the early part of the season as it seemed, and that Murphy, who seemed to have a spot on the bench way too often in favor of Fernando Tatis, led the 2009 Mets in games played with 155 (a feat that should be worthy of some special award akin to a purple heart ... maybe a Golden Needle or something.)

Somehow, Jerry Manuel did it with smoke and mirrors ... that's it. But not the same smoke and mirrors that the Cardinals surely thought Davey Johnson used to win in '86. No, Snoop had to go to his smoke and mirrors after everyone got hurt, and had to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation.

It's the only way I could explain it. The stats say otherwise, but what my eyes saw and what my ears heard told me that Snoop Manuel isn't the man for this job. You probably could have figured it out from the angry tone I had been taking near the end of the season, but I've been convinced that Manuel isn't the man to lead this team to the next decade. And it has nothing to do with the impatience that us New York fans are accused of.

Any manager that treats spring training like the end of the world (the 80-pitch drill), April-August like spring training (too worried about getting guys like Gary Sheffield at-bats when the full complement was healthy, pitching guys out of the pen for seven days straight and then letting them rot for weeks), and treats a meaningless September like the World Series (for example, putting Frankie in a game down by a run in the ninth, then bringing him back for a save the next night which he promptly blew in nuclear fashion) is not the gangsta for this job. And I'm done with the injury excuse. Too many games were being lost in ways where the injuries were a non-factor.

While I'm worried about throwing away 2010 before 2009 is over, our friends at Mets Today point out that it was the same deal last year, meaning that while we didn't know it, 2009 was thrown away before 2008 was over.

"He (Manuel) emphasized the need for his players to practice the skills that produce victories not necessarily those that 'help you statistically'". -10/4/2008

How'd that work out for you there, Snoop? Did the team fall short of those expectations? Or could it have been a failure of epic proportions? Probably closer to the latter, don't ya think? Obviously, Snoop has learned absolutely nothing.

If it was just the ineptitude, I'd be more willing to lean on the injuries as a crutch. But when you have a manager that never seemed to be on the same page with his players (Snoop: "Oh, Jose had a good run today." ... Jose: "I ran? When?"), and threw them under the bus (or the tractor) at every opportunity, when does it get old? It got old with Willie Randolph ... and upon further review, how much of the rift between Randolph and his roster was caused by Tony Bernazard sneaking around the clubhouse undercutting him at every turn? When does this get old? The next time he blames Oliver Perez's 58 walks in 19 innings on bad defense? Or maybe when he blames David Wright's next slump on not getting enough sleep?

Let me segue from that to a cautionary tale, if I may: If Manuel actually came out and said that David Wright wasn't getting enough sleep, and Wright said that was ridiculous, might I say you'd rip Manuel a new one? Might I say ... rightly so? But this actually happened before. Which manager was the culprit of this?

The same manager everyone seems to want back to right this ship: Bobby Valentine.

Listen, I love Bobby V. Loved him ever since he told me he liked my banner on Banner Day 1984, when he was just nodding at everyone else (dammit, if he was one of the judges, I would have won for sure). But know that with Bobby Valentine comes these kind of motivational tactics that wouldn't fly with star players ... it didn't fly back when it was Todd Hundley, and it certainly wouldn't fly now. For Bobby Valentine to come here and make it work, it might take breaking up some core, and that will frighten some of you ... because Valentine is someone who is at his best when he's doing more with less. You can't have it both ways. Valentine would be a great option to have back here, but let's not forget his flaws too.

Someone else who does more with less is Tony La Russa. That's right, The Genius. And it seems that the genius might be available soon along with the pitching coach that turned Joel Pineiro and Kyle Lohse into valuable members of society let alone halfway decent pitchers. Now ... put yourself in the owners' shoes. You've basically ensured that Snoop is coming back next season, but Tony La Russa might be available. Now what? Do you let him go to the Reds and work for Walt Jocketty because you've made a commitment to Snoop? Or do you make yourselves look like the ones who went back on a promise to bring in La Russa? After all, it's not like playing the fool is a new role.

So barring a change of heart by ownership (good luck), what must Snoop learn in 2010? Learn that games in September are only important to win when you have a chance to win. That you only break the glass that contains Fernando Tatis only in case of emergency. And that spring training is in March, not May. And that bad defense doesn't cause Oliver Perez to walk home an entire ballpark. It's the other way around.

And keep your head on a swivel. You never know who's gaining on you.

Put That In Your Notebook

It would be easy to blame this on Daniel Murphy.

It would be really easy to blame this on Daniel Murphy.

You know what? I blame Daniel Murphy.

The ball down the line that started the Braves winning rally in the ninth off of Frankie? He's gotta dive. And the last ball that he booted after the game was tied? He can't play that like a damn bullfighter. Ole!

Not to mention that with a chance to put the serious screws on Derek Lowe in the second inning with the bases loaded and two outs, Murph spit the bit and grounded out. That's been a team-wide epidemic all season long (aren't they batting about .205 in that situation?) But tonight was a bad night to have every single calamity befall the man that people have been demanding I lay off. Can't do it tonight. Sorry.

But I have to say this, and this is why our fearless manager drives me nuts: He's wondering after the game why Murphy didn't get in front of that ball. Here's a clue, maybe he's not being coached correctly? You mean to tell me that you didn't know that this would be on the job training with Murphy? Seriously? Especially with the season having been down the tubes since July?

Oh I'm sorry, I forgot we're still trying to win games. That's why we needed to see Ken Takahashi in the fourth inning when Bobby Parnell was facing a tough situation after only 83 pitches. Yeah, let's pull Parnell from the rotation with two weeks to go and send him to the bullpen where he can rot for a week, and then pitch two innings every day the final week of the season for no good reason. Then we can trade Parnell and Murphy for a swine-flu infested towel now when their value hits rock bottom. All so that Snoop Manuel can win 70 games instead of 65. That's like writing a hundred page extra credit paper on the pros and cons of techno vs. hip hop music at parties after you've already failed the damn class. A blind man has a better chance of finding a chocolate chip in a silo full of marshmallow fluff than Snoop has of getting anything positive out of this team with his inconsistent messages and goals.

Actually, I'll take inconsistent at this point ... I don't even know what the message is. Joe Morgan must know, since he was saying how he noticed that this team doesn't give up on Sunday. Add Wednesday to the list of games we can send to Morgan on DVD to watch since we know he spends his off time watching golf and the NBA Finals rather than the sport he allegedly covers.

Point being, tonight makes Murphy look bad. This whole season has made Manuel look bad ... injuries or not. He can throw Murphy under the bus all he wants (despite saying he would "rather get the message across in more discreet ways rather than "show up" the player" ... while we're on the subject of inconsistent messages). He can blame the players for their bad baserunning. But when it's been happening all season long, I point the finger to the gangster in charge.

You Can't Turn Away

It was the first game of the rest of our 2009 lives.

It would have been easy to turn away, to not care. And I had the perfect excuse, being at Two Boots Tavern for pizza, beer, and lotsa fun courtesy of Messrs Prince, Springer and Pearlman. I spoke at the end ... and regardless, everyone had a good time.

And yet, the lure of Mets vs. Braves was too much to resist at certain points, even with pizza and beer surrounding all of us, and the fact it meant less than nothing from a wins and losses standpoint, yet more than everything to, say, Josh Thole. With Tommy Hanson on the mound, we had to make sure that the Mets weren't going to be no-hit ... a possibility with the way Hanson has been pitching lately, and more of a possibility considering the way the Mets had been hitting lately. The answer to the eternal question: "What else can go wrong this season?" A no-hitter is the last answer left. So at certain points, everyone was still glued to their television screens. Thanks in large part to Daniel Murphy's two hits (and Thole's one), the almost inevitable was staved off for another day, and all we had to endure on the big screens was another ho-hum loss at the hands of Hanson and Adam LaRoche.

And that brings me to my tip of the day: When you're in public, whatever you do, don't even hint about making a joke at Daniel Murphy's expense. Just take the Volvo and drive the other way ... because people love themselves some Daniel Murphy and will fight to the death for him. Coincidentally, this lesson comes after a long discussion on a certain WFAN drive time show about the fascination that Mets fans have for Murphy, which must have put everyone on edge. All I did was mention the notebook after his second hit and people wanted to throw pepperoni at me. Stupid move on my part. (Mental note: stick to Bobby Bonilla jokes.)

The good news: The Mets now have 17 games left in 2009. And I can pretty much guarantee they're not blowing a damn thing.

***

Meanwhile, 2010: Road to Hell has been released (alternate title: next season's schedule). Get ready to buy your tickets as if you were buying airline tickets, except the food's better.

No Fights (Or Fight) On Picture Day

You want the Mets to acknowledge their history? Then we should have had Keith Hernandez and Darryl Strawberry go at it on picture day. Not like they haven't done it before, right? It's the 20th anniversary, for heaven's sake! They could have worn big oversized boxing gloves or something, or they could have played Wii Resort or something.

Instead, we live in a kinder, gentler time where Keith is preparing for a broadcast with Ron Darling and without Gary Cohen. And the only consternation happening on picture day these days is Jose Reyes complaining about people who think he's dogging it in his rehab. You know, they don't make photo day controversies like they did twenty years ago.

They also don't make first basemen like they did 20 years ago. With Keith in the broadcast booth, it was up to Daniel Murphy to man the area. He didn't fight anybody, but he also didn't catch David Wright's questionable throw to complete a double play and end the first inning. Instead, a 1-0 deficit turned into a 4-0 hole as Cody Ross hit a three run jack to make Wright, Murphy, and Pat Misch all pay for their individual indiscretions.

And since then, the baseball was kinda flat as the Mets slept through a 6-3 loss to the Marlins, which probably caused more indigestion than the free hot dogs that the Mets gave out on Wednesday. Bobby Ojeda wondered after the game why the Mets weren't motivated to beat the Marlins who knocked them out of the playoffs the last two seasons? The answer is probably the same as the one to the question "Why weren't the Mets motivated to beat the Marlins and keep them from knocking the Mets out of the playoffs?" That answer being, "How the &%$# do I know?" Hell, if I knew that I'd be the GM of this nonsense. Yeah, some of the players have returned from those last two collapses, but a lot of the players weren't even around for '07 and '08. If the players that were around aren't going to be that motivated, how can we expect Elmer Dessens to be motivated?

Funny thing is, Dessens has been the fantastic one this series, saving a run on a botched throw home by backing up the plate, and he pitched two scoreless innings. Maybe he is the motivated one.

(Editor's note: Keith and Ron minus Gary was very good tonight. I'm kinda diggin' these new combinations they're trying out while they continue to give us reasons to hold our interest. Keith and Ron without Gary is like having peanut butter and jelly without the bread. You can eat peanut butter and jelly with your fingers, and it will still taste very good. The bread holds the two together and makes the eating experience not only tasty, but neat. But I kinda like eating with my fingers too.)

Maybe they'll try some new things in the booth going forward this season. They've tried all their existing combinations. Perhaps next they can have me team with Gary Cohen for a broadcast ... Oh, sorry. The object is to hold their interest, not drive them away. If me talking about the Mets seems like a good idea to you, then you should seek help. But also, come to Amazin Tuesday at Two Boots Tavern this coming Tuesday where I'll be part of a star studded panel which will include accomplished authors such as Jon Springer, Greg Prince, and Jeff Pearlman. They'll probably perform readings from their critically acclaimed books. I'll be holding up photoshopped images of Mike Pelfrey as a Peanuts character. Yeah, I'm bringing a lot to the table. But come anyway, because despite my appearance, this event is going to rock the house. And the pizza will be tasty.

(By the way, did you realize that going into Wednesday, which was 09-09-09, that the Mets "tragic number" of losses and Phillies wins which would total elimination was nine? Yeah, very funny, baseball gods.)

Enough Money For One Lousy Beer

I hope for Alexi Panos' sake that she's not still doing "Beer Money" when she's 45 years old.

But if she is, she'll have that ace question in the hole where she'll ask the contestant du jour to name as many players who got a hit during the inning where they set a club record with ten. She could even tell them that the year was 2009. And the guesses will inevitably include luminaries such as Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado, and perhaps even Ryan Church.

Heck, some would even guess Keith Hernandez before they guess Luis Castillo, Jeff Francoeur, Gary Sheffield, Omir Santos, Anderson Hernandez, Angel Pagan, Fernando Tatis, and freakin' Oliver Perez.

That's right, the largest inning of offensive juggernaution (no, it's not a word) includes those last eight names ... and yes, Oliver Perez is one of them. If you can truly cause death by paper cuts, then that's a textbook murderers row. But the record inning does not include Daniel Murphy, who made two of the three outs in that inning and should really be ashamed of himself ... because now he'll be benched for the rest of the homestand knowing Snoop.

Of course, I missed the damn inning ... partly because of just plain "stuff", but partly because I was in no rush to get back to the television after Perez gave up a bomb to Adam LaRoche to give the Braves a 4-0 lead, and I launched into some sort of song where the lyrics "I hate you Ollie" were prominent, and stormed off to go on a string of activities ... not the least important of which was dinner. What happens? They set records. The team who's about seven injuries away from me playing left field set a franchise record. I missed it. I suck.

Not that the record or the win makes me feel any better. In May I would have been reassured by Oliver Perez beating Derek Lowe ... "hey, looks like the Mets made the right choice, eh?" Now? It's only part of the cruel irony of 2009. It's like slaying the dragon ... when you're 100 games out. Because Ryan Church will leave New York at the end of the series still trying to make the playoffs, while Snoop Manuel will be trying to avoid Jeff Wilpon in the hallways.

Speaking of:

Mets manager Jerry Manuel's support system is eroding. First, his main backer, Tony Bernazard, the top aide of GM Omar Minaya, was fired. Now we're hearing that Minaya is about to be "reassigned," and John Ricco will be promoted to the GM job, an indication that the owner's son, Jeff Wilpon, wants to expand his involvement in day-to-day duties.

Oh, that's the solution to this mess ... more Wilpon. Why didn't I think of that? I feel better already. Hey when you "reassign" Minaya, can you please assign him to my apartment to slit my wrists with a plastic spoon while Alexi Panos asks me to name all the pitchers that have had a no-hitter after leaving the Mets? Thanks.

A No-Brainer In More Ways Than One

It's probably only true in my head. But hearing Gary Cohen discuss the David Wright beaning at the top of Sunday's telecast made me think that he took on the role of patriarchal figure ... one who regretted being away from legions of Mets followers only for a day, but for a day that was event filled for all the wrong reasons. There was Cohen calming us, reassuring us, that our old friends were returning to put what we saw on Saturday in proper perspective. Saturday's FOX team, Thom Brennaman and Mark Grace, were a much welcome pair in contrast to many of the other alternate announcing teams we've been treated to during nationally televised affairs. But the Wright beaning needed perspective from the familiar. Sunday was better late than never.

Gary and Keith Hernandez were needed, if for no other reason, to wade through the latest nonsense out of Snoop Manuel's mouth. This time, it's about how tough people don't get concussions.

"David would know well enough whether he can move forward," Manuel said. "He's a bright young man and he understands a lot of different things, what's going on, and I think he has enough wisdom to put it in its right place"

"I would think him being who he is... because of what he means, I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt. And that’s just coming from the manager. I got hit in the head, and I’m still a little off here or there. I don’t have anything to do with how the medical people proceed. But for me as a manager, for what he has done for me, I want to give him every benefit of the doubt. What that is, I don’t know."

Because as you know, players who mean more to a team have a thin coating of alloy covering their brain designed to protect them from beanballs, home plate collisions, and walk-off dogpiles. It's in the journal of medicine.

Paging Eric Lindros ... Eric Lindros, please find a white courtesy phone.

Thankfully, Omar Minaya listened to Lindros, the Hospital for Special Surgery, and the tooth fairy. Because Minaya has just announced that the team has put Wright on the 15-day DL with the concussion. At no time did Minaya hint that Cain hit Wright because he had lobbied the team for a player development position.

So not only did the Mets prevail via the Daniel Murphy walk-off, but common sense has also prevailed. (What's more shocking, the Mets using common sense, or Luis Castillo reaching the second deck with a home run?)

The bad news is that Wright can come off the DL on September 1st where he'll have to meet the club in Denver ... of all places. The good news is that 15 days will give Wright enough time to take a train there.

School In Summertime

It's stuff like this that reminds me why I started a blog in the first place.

As long as the uniforms are throwbacks, Matt Cain beaning David Wright throws me back to a common theme that I keep harping to. So if I'm repeating myself in this instance, it's not because I'm old and senility is setting in: But Mets pitchers haven't thrown inside with purpose and consistency since Turk Wendell left. If you don't think that's a problem, tell that to David Wright and the fifteen miniature Kung Fu Pandas that are circling his head in the hospital.

Pitchers have been throwing inside on Wright all season long. He's been dusted, turned around, brushed back, all of it ... it's happened to Wright. It's good strategy. It's part of the game. And without having looked at the scouting reports I can pretty much surmise to the extreme of guarantee that the reports mention something to the tune of: "you can pitch inside on this team." The word "intimidated" might have made its way into some of those club reports.

I'm not talking about beaning, I'm just talking about commanding the inside part of the plate, which teams have done on Wright. He's the one hitter worth the effort to make uncomfortable, so why shouldn't they do it? Especially when the one time Wright is thrown at and not merely brushed back (Brad Thompson), he doesn't do anything. I don't believe that Cain tried to hit Wright in the head. But he did have intent to come inside and the pitch got away. I have to wonder if the Mets were a team that at least tried to command the inside of the plate more in the past weeks months years, would Matt Cain have been so quick to come inside? Would the other pitchers in the league come in on Wright as much as they have? Maybe the answer is still yes, since Wright has absolutely no protection in the lineup, but I'm not 100% sure about that.

I'll go as far as to say this: If Wright had charged Thompson two weeks ago for throwing at his head, does today happen? Does Cain intend to come inside as much as he intended to? (Sidebar: Let's not compare the Cain/Wright beaning to the Clemens/Piazza incident. Clemens hit Piazza because Piazza had success against him and poor Roger's ego was hurt. Wright has one hit in two at-bats lifetime against Cain.) I might very well be wrong on the last two paragraphs, and I understand the arguments against them. And I also don't say that to place any blame on Wright for what happened today. But I also believe it's a discussion worth having.

Here's another discussion worth having, and it relates to the bush league move that Cain pulled, tipping his cap antagonistically at the Mets fans for daring to boo him: Was there a new unwritten rule written in the last five years that opposing pitchers can't be thrown at? Sure, Santana threw behind Pablo Sandoval's back and that's all well and good (at least nobody had to die before that happened, which I wondered aloud for three innings). But baseball's adopted this "you hit our star we'll go after yours" policy, and I'm not sure bad behavior by pitchers is going to be curbed if they personally aren't going to be held accountable. I realize that the opportunity to retaliate against pitchers in the N.L. has dwindled with all the specialization, and the fewer at-bats starters get in general. But Santana had a couple of cracks at Cain after Wright was sent to the hospital.

"I was just adjusting my cap. They can take it how they want. All I know is I wasn't trying to hit David Wright on purpose. If they think that, that's their thought." -Matt Cain

All right, maybe I will compare him to Clemens ... because I haven't heard a load of garbage like that since "I thought it was the ball." Don't you love when people insult your intelligence?

Why was Cain not eating dirt instead of Sandoval? Maybe it's because of the belief in the Mets dugout that Cain wasn't responsible or didn't hit Wright on purpose. Fine. But then why hit anybody at all if that's what you believe? That brings me to my next morsel of food for thought: If we still lived by rule of the old days, and Cain was plunked in the ribs or sent scrambling to the ground, does he have the cajones to pull that cap tipping stunt to the fans? You have to have a feeling of invincibility to do that, and that's a feeling I believe is absent if he had a welt on his ribs. Look, I know some of the younger baseball fans here are tired of hearing about the old days and about how "if this was 1986, that no-class punk would be missing three teeth right now." You're more than entitled to think that way. But at the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, I can't help but think that we could all use just a little old school. Not a lot, not wool uniforms or anything like that ... but self policing isn't a bad thing.

Full disclosure: Although I was wondering about who to hit before the cap tip, Cain's stunt put the thoughts into sharper focus for me. So for whoever says "yeah, well this wasn't an issue until Cain tipped his cap", you're right. I think there's nothing wrong with that.

But if you really need some silver linings, here they are:

• The Mets don't have a west coast trip coming up until the first of September, thus preventing any further dizzy spells caused by the club stupidly putting David Wright on a cross country flight.
• Wright can now get that rest he so desperately needs, ensuring that he'll be refreshed for the final three meaningless games of the season.
• Tony Bernazard isn't around to recommend a cortisone shot to his frontal lobe.
• Now maybe Jeff Francoeur will wear the safer helmet and risk looking like a clown.

But this also means we'll see Fernando Tatis get everyday time at third, while somehow Daniel Murphy will still be on the bench three days a week ... and Jeremy Reed still isn't going to be able to crack the lineup. Oh, and there will always be the stigma of Sandoval being thrown at in retaliation and still hitting a bomb off Johan Santana, continuing the season long trend that even when they're right, they're wrong. And even when they win, they lose.

Utilitarian

There's something that's been brewing a little bit in my brain lately (no, not beer). It took Monday's 7-4 loss to illustrate my point for me.

Sure, one could call Monday night's effort unacceptable (and I believe one did), but I think there is something else at play here.

As told by either Gary Cohen and Ron Darling, Snoop Manuel was asked about Anderson Hernandez and Snoop said that he wants to see what Hernandez can do at other positions. This has been a line of thinking that you saw in the minor league system, where players like Daniel Murphy and Nick Evans were made to play multiple positions. It tells me all I need to know about the Mets general idea of "player development":

We're grooming an entire organization of utility players.

Doesn't that seem a little dangerous to you?

Look, utility players are wonderful. It's nice to have a Bert Campaneris circa 1965 on your roster, or a Kevin Mitchell circa 1986. But to have a whole minor league system of utility players ... players worrying about learning three or four positions? No wonder they're all messed up in the head and need mental vacations. Heck, even David Wright needs a mental break and he's just playing third. No wonder it doesn't occur to Fernando Tatis that Trent Oeltjen might be taking second base on a hit to left. No wonder Murphy was on his way to the Bahamas on a bouncer over the pitcher's head so that Hernandez can throw the ball to an imaginary first baseman on a double play attempt.

There's a reason that the saying goes: "jack of all trades, master of none" ... least of all hitting. Nobody is mastering that, probably because everyone's busy learning how to be Bert Campaneris. Nobody gets less out of less than the Mets.

But that's looking at too big a picture. Obviously this team is done ... mentally, and physically. Even Gary Cohen is counting down the games ("just 50 more games, Ron.") You know there's trouble when Cohen, who loves baseball enough to sit in the stands and watch a game on his off day, is counting down the games. Heck the whole announcing team has resorted to schtick long ago when they started sword fighting and giving Ron Darling haircuts in the booth (and can we be sure that when Gary shot a t-shirt out of that gun that he didn't hit Frankie Rodriguez in the arm?) So can we really be surprised that it's come to this?

You'd be counting down the days too if you saw Doug Davis, having just been described as a "notoriously bad hitter", smack a single to center which Angel Pagan turned into a double (how come extra bases are only taken when Angel's in the field?) I'm guessing that giving up a hit to a notoriously bad hitter isn't quite the late night feeding that Mike Pelfrey had in mind.

Pelfrey, by the way, is playing third tomorrow for Wright. Because the Mets need more versatility.

You Don't Ingest The Gift

Sean Green got himself into a sticky situation in the eighth inning ... hitting Justin Upton and walking Mark Reynolds to load the bases with nobody out. But then, Green's guardian angel handed him a "Get out of Jail Free" card as Miguel Montero grounded into the 3-2-3 double play.

Green promptly took the card and ate it. His guardian angel gave up and went to Blue Smoke.

Green's wild pitch immediately following the 3-2-3 double play was the deciding run in Friday's 3-2 loss to the Diamondbacks, part of baseball's second easiest schedule down the stretch that the Mets were supposed to dominate. Oh well, another plan gone awry. What else is new?

Ooh ooh, I know what's new: Livan Hernandez second guessing the manager for pinch hitting for him:

"I don't like to come out of games. But it's not my decision. They made, I think, a bad decision."

As was pointed out, Hernandez was pinch hit for by Angel Berroa, who's average was 17 points lower than Hernandez. Oh good, another washed up veteran who had one good night and has fooled Snoop Manuel into thinking he's got another Hollywood script on the roster. Awesome. Coming up next:

(... Livan Hernandez comes in for defense at first base in place of Angel Berroa ...)

Vanilla Roulette

The gun was placed on the temple. The trigger was squeezed.

And the chamber had no bullet.

Boy that was close. At least that's the feeling I get from the second straight season of an inactive trade deadline for the New York Mets, the baseball equivalent of sugar free vanilla ice cream. Of course, the circumstances are a little bit different than they were last season, but the result is still the same. And that isn't a bad thing at all.

Well, at least against the backdrop of what happened to this franchise over the last decade, with star Jason Bay having been wheeled for Steve Reed in a deadline deal that had no effect on the Mets' standing in 2002, and the one from 2004 that doesn't need an introduction, it isn't a bad thing.

Am I willing to give Omar credit for doing the prudent thing and not letting a 5-2 stretch against the Astros and Rockies cloud his vision? Yes and no. Yes because we don't know all the particulars about every deal he was proposed, and for whom the other teams were asking for.

But no ... because we know that the Mets were in on Adam LaRoche.

Would LaRoche have helped? Probably. Would he have helped enough to get the Mets to the wild card spot? Not by himself. Now LaRoche and Victor Martinez would have been interesting, but that's another story altogether. But getting LaRoche by himself wouldn't have been worth the further stunting of Daniel Murphy, forcing Murph to sit down when playing the rest of this lost season at first base would have been the perfect opportunity to develop (not that the Mets have a player development head, but that's yet another story.) And it would have been in direct conflict with what Omar had been saying all along which was "If I make a deal, I have to take into consideration when guys (Carlos Delgado, in this case) were coming back from injury."

Now that paraphrased quote was probably nothing more than a built in excuse for coming up empty, but that's still another story. This franchise full of interesting stories. And for now, they're full of halfway decent minor leaguers, .500 beards (most teams have playoff beards, but y'know ... their goals are realistic) and shortstops who can't run.

Enjoy your bland ice cream. At least it's edible.

The Jinx Continues

Hideo Nomo. David Cone. Tom Seaver. Nolan Ryan. Dwight Gooden. Mike Scott. Jim Bibby. A.J. Burnett. A sampling of names who have pitched no-hitters after leaving the Mets organization.

Al Leiter. John Candeleria. Frank Tanana. Hideo Nomo. Dock Ellis. Warren Spahn. Don Cardwell. Kenny Rogers. Scott Erickson. These are players who had no-hitters in their resumes before coming to the Mets.

On Thursday, Mark Buehrle created his own category: Pitchers who spun perfect games after I write a post suggesting we trade for him. (The picture will look very familiar.)

I don't bring this up as a "see, told you so" point ... oh, who am I kidding, of course I am. After all, how many times am I right about anything? Once? Twice? I have to milk this for the little it's worth. But it is worth very little. Because when it's all said and done, if the Mets had made the deal I suggested, not only would Buehrle not have a perfect game or a no-hitter for the Mets, he would have been arrested well before today for selling arms to the Dominican Republic or something.

But here's the real point I'd like to make: If you haven't seen the highlights of the perfecto by now ... if you were at a wedding reception on a Thursday or you were on a safari expedition, or maybe you were just finishing up your three week boycott of ESPN because John Kruk had the gall to say that vegetables were overrated, check out the catch that led off the ninth inning. Considering the surrounding situation, it was probably one of the most spectacular clutch catches ever in life.

Think about it. Defense, for a guy who doesn't have 17 walks in 17 innings. Imagine that.

Duly noted, Dewayne Wise was a ninth inning defensive replacement. But do you realize how many errors have been made this season while Buehrle's on the mound? Four. F*&$ing four ... in 134 innings. I'd be willing to guarantee that part of that has been due to Buehrle's habit of working quick and throwing strikes, something Oliver Perez doesn't do, and keeping his defense on its toes.

But here's the wacky thing: Keeping in mind that Perez has pitched about 100 less innings than Buehrle, the number of errors the Mets have made this season while the maddeningly wild Oliver Perez is on the mound? One! One error, all year. You know who committed it? That's right, Daniel Murphy. Hard to say that was the fault of Perez. So guess what? Perez actually has received good defense behind him this season.

Which means that when you have a guy who has 38 walks in 38 innings, maybe defense is the least of his problems!

***

Since Buehrle is the order of the day, I want to talk about a recent quote of his:

"If I could just put a Cardinals jersey on for one day, throw one pitch, that would just be a dream come true."

It's relevant because for years, it seems like it's either been the dream of players to play in St. Louis, like Buehrle (a Missouri native), or that good players come play for the Cardinals and they fall in love with it there, such as Mark McGwire, Jim Edmonds and, probably soon, Matt Holliday.

If the Mets have any hope of regaining a little of that momentum, they have to fire Tony Bernazard.

It's a valid point to say that now that Bernazard's in the news, there's more of a mob mentality to fire him simply because he's in the line of fire and he's the man who's front and center in the tabloids right now, representing a team whose fan base is looking for a scapegoat. But who better to be a scapegoat than Bernazard? His firing certainly wouldn't be without merit. This is a guy who has a reputation that precedes him. This whole Bingo Mets thing isn't an isolated incident. He's had his hand in trouble for this organization from the beginning, from botching the original Carlos Delgado negotiations to manipulating Willie Randolph out of his job to all the dopey shenanigans this season. That it's beginning to bubble over now only magnifies the problem, not merely starts the problem.

(I mean really ... a hand gesture? Thin-skinned much, Tony?)

So firing Bernazard is as much about reality as it is about perception. But make no mistake, it's about perception too. And as you know, perception is reality. To keep Bernazard after the Bingo Mets incident, whether it's overblown or not, would send the absolute wrong message from an organization who has been handing those out like candy lately. And forget the fans, how do you think players around the league are perceiving the Mets right now? If Carlos Beltran is furious at the organization at the way they handled his injury, much like others have been (Ryan Church, anyone), don't you think this is going to affect the decisions of prospective free agents? If the Mets have become a running joke among their fan base, I can only imagine what a guy like, say, Doc Halladay must be thinking.

(And by the way, what kind of message does it send to all the working stiffs out there who are losing their jobs simply for being alive during a recession to keep this guy on the payroll despite acting like a moron?)

Keeping Bernazard tells players and fans that pre-existing relationships, yes man sycophants and "good old retread networks" are more important than putting the best people in the best position to get the job done. And that's not a message the Mets need to put out there after what's happened to this franchise since Game 7 in 2006. Yes, if the Mets are five games in first place then the Bingo incident doesn't mean as much. But the placement in the standings means everything. Their placement in the standings is completely relevant, because it's gone on long enough where you can realistically say that 2006 was the fluke.

And that's not even mentioning that Bernazard is the VP of Player Development, and nobody's developing anything except meniscus tears and bone bruises. Think about it this way: Fans have come up with the refrain that "You know, I'd like to see how other teams fare after losing their best players to the DL." Well, the Angels are now 10-2 since losing Torii Hunter and Vladimir Guerrero. They've also been missing Kelvim Escobar for over a month, and didn't have John Lackey until May 16th. Not to mention they tragically lost Nick Adenhart in April. The team is 56-38.

Do you know who their VP of Player Development is? No? Well neither do I because he or she isn't out ripping off his or her shirt in the locker room of the Arkansas Travelers and getting his or herself in the newspaper.

It's all about perception and reality. In many ways, they're one in the same. And both perception and reality dictate that Bernazard has to go.

(Editor's note: The Angels director of player development is Abe Flores.)

***

And finally, John Maine might miss the rest of the season because of his injury. In other news, studies show that water can make you wet.

North Flushing Forty

This may all be Jose Valentin's fault.

As I sit here and watch the Mets strut their, er ... stuff on national television, I feel as if it's probably time for one of those "what went wrong, how can it get better" posts. You know the one, it's generally designed to map out the road back to greatness. Except every time I do that I get slammed.

Okay, so I only really did it once. But I got slammed for it. (Editor's note: looking back on what I had suggested, you know it really wouldn't have been all that bad.) So this isn't going to be the "five moves to put the Mets back on the map" post, because I think it's going to take a hell of a lot more than that.

And that's the entire point ... because the Mets have been basing their entire existence over the last three years over making a scant few moves when the whole operation needs a complete overhaul in thinking. It's the phenomenon that Greg Prince refers to as he surmises that the Mets perpetual mission statement is to win Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS.

(Speaking of Greg, he and his co-host Jon Springer cordially invite you to "Two Boots Tavern" this Tuesday for the first 2009 installment of "Amazin' Tuesdays", where he'll welcome dignitaries such as Paul Lukas of Uni Watch, and author Matt Silverman. And old Mets baseball cards will get you a free beer, so saddle up.)

But then when you combine that with ownership which has been burned by both Bernie Madoff and Oliver Perez (and really, how many on this planet can say they've been burned by both?), you get a team that thinks they're one game away but spends as if they were forty games out. Why else would the Mets bother to sign players like Gary Sheffield who, while it's a shame that he was hurt while being the Mets greatest offensive threat, should never have been put in the position to be their greatest offensive threat, and that's the shame of it.

But it's a pattern that was given legitimacy by the one and only Jose Valentin. It's his fault for having such a good season at the age of 36 to give Omar Minaya the belief that there are more in the bargain bin like him. It's also his fault for striking out in the sixth inning with the bases loaded in Game 7. Without either/or, the ill-fated chase for the unattainable would have ended before it began.

Now this isn't to pick on Valentin, but the fact of the matter is that we're a long way from the days where Valentin provided over 50 RBI's from the sixth, seventh, and eighth spots in the lineup. And it didn't have to be that way. When Omar Minaya came out with his "the bullpen has been addressed" speech, everybody knew that the team still needed a bottom of the order bat and a true back of the rotation starter. Omar got 'em, but he got 'em from the scrap heap and the bargain bin.

We already knew that.

We also know that this team gets injured ... a lot. Happened again on Sunday, as Fernando Nieve was the latest Met to go down with a lower body injury ... yeah, a lower body injury. I'm through regurgitating the propaganda of the New York Mets. And that's another part of the problem ... a big one. Because not only is everyone getting hurt ... not only is the information heavily filtered ... not only is the information heavily wrong ... but the way the injuries are handled are a joke.

And remember, the people that used to handle the Mets medical issues were replaced because, among other things, Mike DeJean was sent out to the mound with a fracture in his leg that doctors never caught. So they were replaced by the Hospital for Special Surgery. Now I'm sure you all read the Adam Rubin article, but it's fascinating in that it's not necessarily the doctors that are at fault. Consider:

The scrutiny of the Mets goes far beyond free spending by a baseball operations department that failed to keep the minor-league system stocked. Questionable medical moves such as last year's decision to fly Church cross-country with a concussion have become commonplace. Still, players expressed full faith in the Hospital for Special Surgery, which provides care to the organization, and instead fault how the organization has used the information it is provided (...)

A source with ties to the Mets indicated that Beltran is extremely upset that he played for a month with a bone bruise after receiving a cortisone shot. The bone bruise ultimately doubled in size because of a lack of adequate rest, according to the center fielder. Scott Boras eventually had Beltran get a second opinion from doctor Richard Steadman at the Vail, Colo., clinic that performed Alex Rodriguez's hip surgery.

Putz, who ultimately underwent surgery last month to remove a bone spur from his right elbow, had been told by team doctor David Altchek weeks earlier that he needed to immediately have the spur removed, a team source said. Instead, the Mets advocated a cortisone shot. Putz went 0-2 with a blown save and 7.71 ERA in 10 subsequent appearances before needing the procedure anyway. (...)

The Mets have had a curious track record of pushing players too hard. Billy Wagner was furious at Mets VP Tony Bernazard for insinuating that Wagner was dogging it when he complained of discomfort after throwing a simulated game in Pittsburgh last August. Weeks later, Wagner was undergoing Tommy John elbow surgery.

What the whole Rubin piece shows us is that nothing is in a vacuum. The Mets have boxed themselves into a corner to the point where they know full well that there's nothing in the minor league system, so in a twisted way it makes sense that Tony Bernazard is going to recommend cortisone shots and go against the wishes of the hospital ... anything to keep the baseball public from knowing how bare the cupboard actually is. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain ... it's Argenis Reyes!

It all fits. The signings are cheap because there's no money because of Bernie Madoff. And the major league talent are getting cortisone shots because there's nothing in the minor leagues except more of the low salaried, old man "talent" that are merely existing in Buffalo. Like pieces of a bloody jigsaw puzzle.

But you already knew all of the above. The big question is to ask what it all means for the future. The first option seems to be the most likely option as reported by most, and that's the return of Omar and Snoop for 2010. At best, the injuries are more of a factor than we all thought and 2010 will be the "our season has come" year. At worst, the realization that Minaya & Manuel are not the men for their respective jobs will come at the expense of one more season than necessary.

The second option is scary. That option sees Minaya and Manuel fired in favor of Bernazard and Manny Acta. I don't know Tony Bernazard, but everything I read about him tells me that I shouldn't trust him as far as I could physically, or even mentally, throw him. I've dealt with people who are sneaky, and that man is sneaky. And while Acta isn't necessarily a bad hire, if Bernazard he does hire Manny Acta, it only proves that he's more concerned with hooking up a friend and a favorite of his than hiring the best man for the job. If Bernazard paid more attention to his job than worrying about who's employed at other positions, maybe the organization would be in better shape than it's in.

The third option is: none of the above. Maybe the team thinks outside the box and brings a fresh approach to an organization that needs one. But would it matter? Would the Wilpons be in a position to spend money? Forget Bernie Madoff for a second, and think back to where the organization was before Omar Minaya, where the team was presenting half-ass offers to Vladimir Guerrero to save face before presenting us with the pizza twins (Karim Garcia and Shane Spencer) to play right field. Then Minaya came. And then came Pedro Martinez. And he made possible the signing of Beltran, which led to the trade for Delgado and the trade for and signing of Johan Santana. (I don't count Frankie's signing ... they swooped in to get what they needed in the midst of a bad economy. And I'm convinced that if the economy was strong, Frankie is still an Angel today.)

But what now? And what of the winter of '09-'10? While nobody will be asking for another big fish (and apparently there's not much out there), the Mets are going to need some solid pieces to support the Big 5 ... especially if they're planning to continue the Daniel Murphy Experiment at first base. But are the Wilpons going to continue to hide behind the Madoff losses? Are they going to use the excuse of injuries to say "well, we don't really need much because Reyes and Beltran will be back?"

And scarier still, are the Wilpons going to stop spending the way they did with Pedro and Beltran all together because now they have their shiny new ballpark? Will they continue to give us retreads like Freddy Garcia thinking that fans will continually flock to Citi Field for succulent cheeseburgers and mediocre baseball?

This offseason, which unfortunately I'm already thinking about, will answer all those questions. Those answers had better be the right ones.

And it would probably be better for all of us if those answers didn't include Jose Valentin batting sixth.

Conducting a Symphony of Kazoos

So why did Daniel Murphy sit in favor of Fernando Tatis?

"I want to get guys in a rhythm." -Jerry Manuel

He's not a manager, and he's not a gangsta. He's a bandleader now. By choosing to bench Murphy after a good start on Wednesday, he's got us all scratching our heads as to what exactly you have to do to stay in a major league lineup. Yup, it's spring training in July as Snoop continues to force feed Tatis to the world to "get him into a rhythm", as if making sure that Tatis can count in 4/4 time is a component to winning baseball.

Ladies and gentlemen, your manager: Ricky Ricardo.

"Oh Daaaaanieeeeeel, you're on the beeeeeeeench!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

Babaloo, baby.

It doesn't matter so much in the prism of tonight's game, as with Livan Hernandez's start tonight the 1927 Yankees only would have won 33 games (they won 109). But all the more reason to say: what does it matter? Let's reward our young player for getting himself a couple of hits and stealing a nut from a squirrel with that defensive play. What about getting Daniel Murphy in a rhythm? Or do we only care if Fernando Tatis is in rhythm while Murphy is hid in the back of the band playing the triangle? Doesn't it serve the long term interests of the club to develop Daniel Murphy into a legitimate option at first base and not just as trade bait in some ill advised deal which will set the team back another decade?

Or will playing Fernando Tatis keep those viewers tuned to SNY and keep those ticket sales flowing?

Seriously, how is it that a team that just put their 429th position player on the disabled list today can't find a spot for Daniel Murphy in the starting lineup every day?

But speaking of SNY, there was some good news tonight as for the first time all season (or at least that I saw), I could actually clearly see who was warming up in the visiting bullpen on an SNY's broadcast.

The bad news? It was Guillermo Mota.

Oh well. As tonight was the 40th anniversary of the closest a Met has ever come to a perfect game, why don't you check out what the '69 Mets are doing now, thanks to Sports Illustrated? (Hint: Throwing up while watching Livan Hernandez ... not on the list.)

Speaking of ill-advised trades which set the team back a decade ...