Low & Slow

With Jeff Francoeur mired into an 0-for-18 slump heading into Wednesday night, and David Wright slumping worse than Julian Tavarez in a singles bar, it was time for Howard Johnson to organize another one of those barbecues. They worked so well on Francoeur at the beginning of the season that the boys ordered out from Hill Country BBQ in the city.

Problem was ... the BBQ was delivered to the wrong clubhouse. And Carlos Silva ate it all. To make matters worse, barbecue for Silva is like spinach for Popeye. How else could Silva give up only two hits and two walks in six innings? That's right ... lots of meat. And chicken.

And macaroni and cheese.

What? It can't be because the Mets' lineup has the consistency of runny eggs. Nah, I refuse to believe that.

Worst part is, now Snoop's postgame newsers are like watching an ant drown in honey thrashing his arms around begging for a life raft (enjoying the food references?) hoping the right answer will turn on a faucet full of runs. Last night, he talked about breaking up Frenchy (now 0-for-22) and Jason Bay like they were troublemakers throwing firecrackers at a fourth grade ballet recital. You know what that means ... that's right. First lefty stick with a high strikeout rate gets a job in the middle of the order. Line forms to the left. Woo hoo!

Can't we blame Oliver Perez for this? It's so much more fun when it's Ollie's fault. I mean, he wasn't that great, but he wasn't that much worse than what Jon Niese was the other night. He didn't completely implode, and he didn't hang himself with his own intestines on the mound. So that in itself is a moral victory.

No, I can't in good conscience lay false blame. The Mets lineup would do better to stride to the plate and try to hit Silva with a side of beef.

Hit this, Bluto.

They're Not Power Guys

So, which one is Canseco and which one is McGwire? I can't tell.

I guess this is what Snoop meant when he said "they're not power guys but they can hit the ball out of the ballpark." I guess that means that Jeff Francoeur and Rod Barajas aren't "power guys". But perhaps they now qualify as being "hot at the same time", making Snoop a smart man and a good manager as both Frenchy and Roddy (let's work on a nick name for our catcher, shall we) hit two bombs to ice an 8-2 win over the Nationals, proving once and for all that it's not the ballpark at all.

(All right, except for maybe David Wright, who was in his home run trot on a ball that hit the wall in left field and really should learn to haul ass out of the box until the ball lands in somebody's beer. I mean, didn't training with "The Situation" teach him anything besides how to hit somebody in the stomach with a bat? Okay, off the soapbox.)

The development that not only tastes good but is good for you is Mike Pelfrey's line, a stress relieving two runs in six innings. Four walks? A bit much. But not if you could have two runs in six innings every time out. We all could use Pelfrey to blossom into the number two starter we're not sure he'll ever be. I myself could use Pelfrey to prove me right for once in my life. I suspect we'll get our answer either way by the end of this season. My vote is for yes, but what do I know?

There's A Lot Of Money In It

David Wright is not only a world class baseball player, but he's also a savvy businessman. He's making crazy money off of his Vitamin Water endorsement deal after negotiating a percentage rather than a flat fee. David Wright is smart.

Michael Sorrentino is a former "exotic dancer" with a sensitive side. I suppose that takes a talent which was too tempting for MTV to pass up when casting Jersey Shore. I don't know what else he's known for besides throwing a first pitch at a Mets game in Port St. Lucie.

Wright and Sorrentino have now come together to convince you to try to ingest healthier fluids.



Coming soon: The viral video in which Snooki teaches Fernando Tatis proper base running techniques.

Friendly Reminders And Bird Poop

I'm not here to push the panic button. Not on April 8th. But know that it's always close by.

It's close by because of the reminders we received on April 7th.

Reminder number one: John Maine is your second starter.

You know, maybe John Lackey wouldn't have come to New York even if Omar Minaya/Jeff Wilpon did give him the hard sell. Most likely, it was Boston or bust for Lackey regardless of what Minaya came with. I understand this, trust me. But when I see Maine reach the 60 pitch count in the third inning with only about half of the chucks being strikes while checking the scoreboard and seeing that Lackey is twirling six shutout innings against the Yankees, I want to do my Maine imitation and puke.

Reminder number two: Jenrry Mejia is twenty years old.

He's not ready. He's not ready. He's not ready. I'll hold to that like a warm blanket. But if even he is ready ... are sixth inning appearances down by three runs what we have to look forward to? Is this why Snoop and Omar rushed him and his 97 mph fastball? To get hit hard by the bottom of the Marlins lineup to mop up after the latest starting pitching fiasco?

Reminder number three: Sean Green is no Chad Bradford.

Chad Bradford went through 62 innings in 2006 only giving up one home run as a Met. Of course it was a walk-off, but that's a small detail. Sean Green's Chad Bradford imitation only needed two batters to give up his first home run of the season. Yeah, this submariney thing is going to work out just fine.

Reminder number four: Sometimes, irony is not your friend.

Snoop liked Hisanori Takahashi because he threw strikes. What does he do in his major league debut in the tenth inning? Go 2-0 on Wes Helms, of course. Then goes 2-1 on a batter who's trying to bunt Wes Helms over before taking the loss in the tenth. Even when the Mets do the right thing, the dice come up snake eyes.

And even when the Mets shake off a wild pitch that results in the third out of the seventh inning while David Wright was up with the bases loaded (on a questionable baserunning play by Fernando Tatis, it should be noted for posterity) to come back and tie the game in the eighth, the Mets roll craps. Think about this: the team wasted a Jeff Francoeur walk during the eighth inning rally after being down 0-2. A Jeff Francoeur walk!!! His second of the season! Although I have to tell you, Frenchy walking is kinda reminiscent of an acid trip.


Yeah, kinda like that.

Maybe Frenchy has two walks because he finally realized that they do, in fact, put your OBP on the scoreboard.


Hey, whatever works.

Speaking of working, here's something that's not working: that bird misting thing they're trying.

Bird Doctor was contacted by Citi Field as a proactive measure to prevent birds such as pigeons from taking up residence in the new stadium. Installing the new Bird Control Misting system will help keep maintenance costs down, while maintaining the overall appearance and cleanliness of the stadium. Maintenance costs can soar if weekly cleanup of bird droppings is required; bird droppings are unsightly and can transmit disease.

Umm, well check out what diseases I saw transmitted tonight (besides the ones I contracted from watching the ten inning debacle) ...



Y'know it's not like the Mets don't have enough problems with the human doctors ... the bird doctors aren't going to cooperate either?

A Fine Day For A Dog And An Underdog

Yes Virginia, you can take your disguises off your dog. No longer will your dog, your neighbor, your friends and loved ones need to wear disguises in public. It's 2010, so you can proudly wear your Mets gear in public again. And many people sure as hell did at Opening Day.

I miss Opening Day. I miss being there. Used to be that I'd go every season, or almost every season. 2010 marked the first time I'd been at the opener in nine seasons, and obviously my first one at Citi Field. I'll say this for the new barn, it's certainly been Metsmerized.


Yes, of all the new banners hanging outside the place, George Foster made the cut ... probably the only recognition of those late 70's/early 80's unis you'll see. But the fact that you see it shows you that on some level, the Mets care a little more about your fan experience than they used to.

Oh, and the blue paint on the stairwells helped too. Makes you wonder what was so hard about thinking of all this (along with the official dedication of the Adam Dunn Bridge, which is now the William Shea Bridge) last year. But hey, late really is better than never.

But back to Opening Day, I miss it. You know what I miss the most? I miss the fact that only on Opening Day can you hear the fans' visceral reaction that has been pent up since the beginning of October. For example, if you're the Mets' physical therapist, you can live 364 days of the year in anonymity. But on Opening Day, there's nowhere to hide. You've gotta toe the line like the rest of 'em and hear what the fans really think of you. In most places, fans may forget about all the injuries, but not here. Here, in Flushing, the physical therapist gets booed with an intensity only surpassed by the boos that Oliver Perez received.


What, you thought we forgot about last season? Nope, not until that first pitch was thrown for a strike by Johan Santana. After that, it was all good. And you knew it would be with Santana throwing darts for six innings and David Wright finally figuring out which part of the ballpark he needed to aim at for maximum production, or as Gary Cohen called it: "Utley's Corner" (why Gary, why?), Jason Bay pulled a Rock of the Westies and debuted at the top of his game, and the Marlins failing to navigate a harsh wind that made the field look like a National Geographic special on the mating habits of hot dog wrappers and other assorted garbage. Poor Frenchy looked like he was in a scene from District 9 in the Mo's Zone, which is probably a valley of dustmites by now. Hell I got hit with windblown beer and a half full bag of pretzels. I thought Alex Cora was going to blow away.

(Editor's note: On this beautiful Monday, I learned that left field can be just as much a sun field as right field ... but only on one side of your face. Must be that creative geometry Dave Howard talks about all the time. Only having red around one eye makes a sunbathing fan look like "Phantom of the Ballpark". So buyer beware, and bring some sunblock.)

Obligatory analysis of Snoop Manuel, the bad: How do you have your star free agent acquisition bat behind a guy who wasn't even a lock to make the roster a week ago (Mike Jacobs)? That'll be a disaster at some point. The good (at least for this game): Leaving Fernando Nieve in for the eighth inning after pitching a very good seventh inning. Somehow, I don't think Snoop is sold on Ryota Igarashi for the eighth inning ... at least not an eighth inning during a Johan start. No, not the time you want to debut a guy who struggled during the spring. So well played on that one, Snoop. But as the physical therapist learned, you can't hide forever.

So the underdog version of the Mets are 1-0, and tied for first place. But for this team, Opening Day is merely the ascension of the roller coaster. Wednesday night is Non-Johan Opening Day, so hold on to your hats.

The ride begins.

No Catcher Left Behind

"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy." -John Denver

Well it's no wonder that the Mets are making crazy predictions about World Series and what not. All this sun is making them giddy. And who could blame them after all the snow we've had here lately, and all the rotten they've had for three years.

World Series predictions? Hell, why not. Why not be excited for a day? We have the whole summer to chastise the Mets for their mouths writing checks that their OPS can't cash. We all like to talk about "hope springs eternal" and all of the lovely prose that goes with the first official day of spring training (which when you really think about it, is a date that holds less and less significance every year with the truckloads of players that report early every year, not to mention the extended spring training that was July through September last season), so why not throw some wacky predictions around for a day? That's what the official first day of spring training is for. Optimism

After that, of course, all bets are off. Especially when all of the progress made over the next month and a half are in the abstract. The season is full of wins and losses. The off-season can be easily measured in statistics, dollars, and happy-to-be-heres. Spring training? Lots of stretching. Lots of games scouted by Buffalo. Real indications of how the season is going to play out? Not from John Maine pitching against Broward County Community College (nice one, Brad). No, no real clues unless Ryan Church comes to recreate his carom off Marlon Anderson, or Omar Minaya signs five more catchers to complete his controversial gene splicing experiment to see if he can create Joe Mauer from the DNA of Josh Thole, Rod Barajas, Chris Coste, Gary Carter, Manny Sanguillen, Jack Clements, three sheep and a turkey club sandwich. Then we'll all have a clue as to whether we're doomed to misery or not.

Until then, we can dream ... at least until Kelvim Escobar goes for that inevitable MRI.

Misplaced Funny Funds

Wait, let me get this straight ... the Mets made money off the Madoff scandal?

And still never signed an extra bat???

I mean, there was extra money? I don't buy it. If there was extra money, then why did I get an e-mail from the Mets offering a chance to win Dunkin' Donuts coffee for a year ... an e-mail which had absolutely no connection to the Mets whatsoever. Nice. If I wanted offers from Dunkin' Donuts, don't you think I would have subscribed to the Dunkin Donuts' e-mail list???

You can tell me that it wasn't just the Mets that did this. I got the same e-mail from the Cubs ... yeah, the team that filed for bankruptcy!

So all that money sat there doing nothing but collecting interest? F***ing Wilpons. Give it to someone who can actually use $47.8 million.

Like Steve Phillips! Hey, that should cover alimony for a couple of months.

I think I've blown a funny fuse on this. I feel like I'm Cartman in the episode of South Park where he had Kenny take the school picture upside down where you could see his buttocks instead of his face ... and then he took the picture and put it on a milk carton only to have two people come looking for him because they too have "buttocks where their heads should be".

Maybe I feel remorse ... although certainly not for Phillips, who put himself in this mess. More so for the family, in this mess through no fault of their own, who now have to deal with the details of all this get into the papers and thrust into the spotlight where they don't deserve to be. Maybe I indeed just blew a funny fuse. In either event, I hesitate to make light of this. It's too easy to cross the line from justifiable ripping to unnecessary piling on. Besides ... all the really funny stuff seems to have been already written, which would make me a plagiarist.

But in reality, he deserves to be ripped. It shouldn't surprise you that Phillips exhibits horrible judgement ... between trading for Mo Vaughn, discussing a David Wright trade, and unnecessarily ripping Carlos Beltran when standard op procedure on Sunday Night Baseball is to kiss everybody's butt, not to mention his first "fling" with infidelity. But this ... THIS!

...

Nah, that David Wright idea was still the worst.

Okay, now that the obligatory tongue-in-cheek portion of this monstrosity is over, check out Howard Megdal's take at NY Baseball Digest for a great take on the Phillips thing. I couldn't have put it any better.

Five Going On 27, And One Going On Forever

How do you know you're not having a good September? How about when you're on the verge of losing your fifth game in a row, and already you're being tangentially compared to Anthony Young by the announce crew?

The good news is that with most of his future already in the past, most likely he isn't going to get a chance to get near 27. But that's the way the cookie crumbles when you're Nelson Figueroa, it's 2009, and David Wright is continuing to have horrible at-bats with men on base, and making fielding errors left and right. No wonder Met fans can't wait for the season to end ... they're just taking a cue from their leader, who seemingly can't wait for this week to end either.

Last season, we didn't want to end. But it did ... and with it came the end of the road for our home, Shea Stadium. Yesterday passed the one year anniversary of the final game ever at Shea. If there's one thing we've all learned as we look back with some distance between us and Shea, I hope it's this: The talk about leaving all those curses behind at Shea, that it was somehow the park's fault, that it was Shea that held all those evil ghosts in it that caused the Mets to lose in horrible, horrible ways, and that tearing it down would fix everything, and cleanse everyone of the dark chi that had enveloped us all? All crap. All of it. By that logic, there's about ten parks that need to be bulldozed if every ghost will indeed be eliminated.

If Shea was indeed a living, breathing mechanism with a soul, it certainly would be having a nice laugh at all of our expenses up in ballpark heaven with the rest of the dearly departed.

Zombieland

Cory Sullivan strokes what will forever be known as the least fun game winning hit in major league history

I wish I could say that I could feel some satisfaction in potentially eliminating the Marlins from the playoffs after what happened the last two seasons. But sadly, there's none.

Alright, maybe a little. But with the Marlins' elimination number at four after Cory Sullivan knocked it down with a game winning two run single on Friday, there's pretty much zero chance that the Fish will be officially dead by the time the Mets go to Washington.

And even so, it's difficult to get over the fact that I've never seen a team have less fun than these New York Mets are having right now. And maybe that's a good thing ... how many people would be howling if they saw a Met laughing and yukking it up in the dugout? And I know most teams in their position would just be waiting for the season to end. But jeez, this team looks like Woody Harrelson is about to make them his Zombie Kill of the Week. I mean, there's some extreme lethargy going on here ... except for Sullivan. Oh, and Brian Schneider who alertly scored on a passed ball when David Wright refused to believe he missed the pitch, and Bill Hohn refused to signal anything even though it's his job to.

Speaking of Wright, hitters go through entire seasons without striking out after they've worked the count to 3-0. Wright did it in two straight at-bats. It's sad to see a man so mentally beaten to the point that he looks eerily like a man who isn't very good at baseball. But it's okay, because at least we know that David Wright is very good at business deals.

Sad that a great businessman plays for a team owned by alleged businessmen who have allowed themselves to be taken by a Ponzi scheme.

Heroics In A Vacuum

Had it meant anything, it would have been an instant classic. Then maybe somebody from Philadelphia staying in New York for the weekend would have to endure an airing of Saturday's game on SNY over the Christmas holiday as a InstaMet Classic, just like I have to endure repeats of the Phillies pasting the Mets whenever I go to Atlantic City.

Instead, we'll just have to deal with the consolation that David Wright's two home runs, the last one being the two-out, two-run top of the ninth shot to give them a 10-9 win, put him right at the team lead in dingers with Gary Sheffield. Surely, flashbulbs will be going off in the stands with every David Wright swing from here on in anticipating David taking over the club lead ... an important milestone in Met history.

Too bad Mike Pelfrey missed all of it, as after his horrible outing in which he coughed up a four run first inning lead, he changed into his running gear, left the clubhouse, ran around the Citizens Bank Park parking lot seventeen times, beat up five Phillies fans, ran up the Rocky steps, beat up the Rocky statue, ran to Geno's to pick up cheesesteaks for the team, beat up Geno, ran to the Liberty Bell, rang the bell, beat up the bell, then ran back to the clubhouse, ate all the cheesesteaks, then beat up Ken Takahashi when he found out he missed everything including Frankie's knee buckling pitch to Jayson Werth. Then he beat up Frankie Rodriguez.

Anger management is a bitch, isn't it?

In an unrelated story, Brian Schneider says he doesn't expect to return to the Mets in 2010. He came to this conclusion when he found out that his locker at Citi Field was donated to a youth baseball league, and that he had to use Jerry Seinfeld's mold infested suite to dress and store his catching gear. That, and every time he falls asleep on the team bus, he wakes up at a Motel 6 in Kansas City ... and they don't even leave the light on for him.

Oh, and the only batting helmets left for him are those Gazoo helmets that Wright doesn't use anymore. The signs don't get clearer than that.

No Fights (Or Fight) On Picture Day

You want the Mets to acknowledge their history? Then we should have had Keith Hernandez and Darryl Strawberry go at it on picture day. Not like they haven't done it before, right? It's the 20th anniversary, for heaven's sake! They could have worn big oversized boxing gloves or something, or they could have played Wii Resort or something.

Instead, we live in a kinder, gentler time where Keith is preparing for a broadcast with Ron Darling and without Gary Cohen. And the only consternation happening on picture day these days is Jose Reyes complaining about people who think he's dogging it in his rehab. You know, they don't make photo day controversies like they did twenty years ago.

They also don't make first basemen like they did 20 years ago. With Keith in the broadcast booth, it was up to Daniel Murphy to man the area. He didn't fight anybody, but he also didn't catch David Wright's questionable throw to complete a double play and end the first inning. Instead, a 1-0 deficit turned into a 4-0 hole as Cody Ross hit a three run jack to make Wright, Murphy, and Pat Misch all pay for their individual indiscretions.

And since then, the baseball was kinda flat as the Mets slept through a 6-3 loss to the Marlins, which probably caused more indigestion than the free hot dogs that the Mets gave out on Wednesday. Bobby Ojeda wondered after the game why the Mets weren't motivated to beat the Marlins who knocked them out of the playoffs the last two seasons? The answer is probably the same as the one to the question "Why weren't the Mets motivated to beat the Marlins and keep them from knocking the Mets out of the playoffs?" That answer being, "How the &%$# do I know?" Hell, if I knew that I'd be the GM of this nonsense. Yeah, some of the players have returned from those last two collapses, but a lot of the players weren't even around for '07 and '08. If the players that were around aren't going to be that motivated, how can we expect Elmer Dessens to be motivated?

Funny thing is, Dessens has been the fantastic one this series, saving a run on a botched throw home by backing up the plate, and he pitched two scoreless innings. Maybe he is the motivated one.

(Editor's note: Keith and Ron minus Gary was very good tonight. I'm kinda diggin' these new combinations they're trying out while they continue to give us reasons to hold our interest. Keith and Ron without Gary is like having peanut butter and jelly without the bread. You can eat peanut butter and jelly with your fingers, and it will still taste very good. The bread holds the two together and makes the eating experience not only tasty, but neat. But I kinda like eating with my fingers too.)

Maybe they'll try some new things in the booth going forward this season. They've tried all their existing combinations. Perhaps next they can have me team with Gary Cohen for a broadcast ... Oh, sorry. The object is to hold their interest, not drive them away. If me talking about the Mets seems like a good idea to you, then you should seek help. But also, come to Amazin Tuesday at Two Boots Tavern this coming Tuesday where I'll be part of a star studded panel which will include accomplished authors such as Jon Springer, Greg Prince, and Jeff Pearlman. They'll probably perform readings from their critically acclaimed books. I'll be holding up photoshopped images of Mike Pelfrey as a Peanuts character. Yeah, I'm bringing a lot to the table. But come anyway, because despite my appearance, this event is going to rock the house. And the pizza will be tasty.

(By the way, did you realize that going into Wednesday, which was 09-09-09, that the Mets "tragic number" of losses and Phillies wins which would total elimination was nine? Yeah, very funny, baseball gods.)

Role Reversal

I've been on that other side, Rockies fans. Really ... I have. Because last season Jason Marquis was the fifth starter playing for the team that had nothing to play for, and he hit a grand slam and helped put a nail in the Mets coffin.

Now, Jason Marquis is the ace. And he's playing for the team that actually has something to play for. I wonder how much Rockie fans will rue the day they lost to fifth starter Pat Misch (who am I kidding, we have five fifth starters.) While Misch didn't hit a grand slam, he did shut down the Colorado lineup well enough for his first major league win in his 55th major league game. David Wright's three RBI without the space helmet didn't hurt either.

I wish we could really get a gauge as to how this latest embarrassment of pitching riches is going to affect the Mets thinking in terms of the rotation for next season. Has Misch or even Tim Redding proven enough to be considered for employment in 2010? I hope that nobody is fooled into thinking that bringing these guys back and giving them starting slots is an acceptable way to save money next year. But Misch is young enough, shown enough, and has just enough upside (not Scott Kazmir upside, but y'know ... Jason Marquis upside) to be considered to have some sort of role next season. But everybody needs to be a little careful.

But who knows. Heck, Misch may have to be the number two starter at some point next season. Why? Because one day, Mike Pelfrey's going to go for another run in the parking lot after a bad start and not come back ... ever!

And when Pelfrey was running around the parking lot, he passed by Kris and Anna Benson having "relations".

Speaking of 2010, we also saw Josh Thole today catch his first major league game and get a couple of hits in the process. Here's hoping, within reason because he's a catcher, that he gets enough playing time to get his feet truly wet at the major league level. And conversely that the Mets don't fall under the trap of giving Brian Schneider the bulk of the playing time because the Mets want to sell tickets.

Although they may need to sell extra tickets to help Jerry Koosman get out of debt with the IRS. Boy, not even the 1969 team gets through this season unscathed. Tax evasion? What's next, Tom Seaver gets two years for smuggling wine to Italy?

Purple Thong

Even the former Yankees resurface to laugh at us

What's that? A quality start from Tim Redding? Someone call the cops and block off the street it's party time!

Oh, never mind. The last block party we had included a pinata. And the Mets' lineup couldn't hit that anyway.

Jason Giambi could sure hit that pinata pretty well, can't he? Scared to death of another bases loaded walk in the eighth inning, Brian Stokes threw a pinata to Giambi with the first pitch in a tie game and Giambi, obviously wearing the infamous golden thong, smoked it into center field for another Mets loss.

The two most notable things to come out of this night are Carlos Beltran's rehab stint, a 1-for-3 outing in Brooklyn, where he'll play the field on Thursday. Beltran's rehabilitation is already ahead of Moises Alou's, who tried to come back in Binghamton and lasted about an inning. So this is good news.

The other news coming out of Wednesday is David Wright going from the one flap child tracker to the two flap model while pinch hitting, making him look more like the Great Gazoo than ever. But it was the extra precaution that concerned me. You see, the Mets are making every effort to ensure that Wright has no more problems, and the protective gear will not be limited to the batters box:

That's right, the Hospital for Special Surgery has recommended the Elizabethan Collar for Wright, making sure that he won't suffer another concussion, or lick near the spot where he's been fixed. He'll be wearing it the rest of the season, in the field, the dugout, and at autograph sessions:

Here, kitty kitty kitty.

How Can We Count On You When We Can't Count On You?

We all know that April comes in like a lion. What you may not know is that September does the same. Yes, September comes in like a lion as well ... but Razor Shines gives it the stop sign.

When Angel Pagan rounded second base in the first inning tonight, he consulted Shines for guidance on what to do. Unfortunately, the third base coach of life was offline for maintenance. So Pagan, after rounding second base on a base hit, rounded second base in reverse ... turning a base hit into a force play.

This, Met fans, is your introduction to September. A September to Misremember.

Every once in a while, Angel will break out a swing that sweeter than honey. The flip side is that he has a meatball for a brain on the bases, which he's shown over, and over, and over again. And speaking of ground beef in a spherical shape, I'm not saying that was a meatball Mike Pelfrey threw to Carlos Gonzalez, but the first 15 rows of fans were sprayed with marinara sauce on that home run.

Unfortunately, those same fans were subsequently eaten by wolves, who science shows survive on small prey such as squirrels, meat sauce, and tiramisu. I'm surprised SNY would show that on their air.

It was a tragic scene to be sure, but no more tragic than the Mets have been, whether it be Tuesday night or the entire season. The world will know 2009 as the fortieth anniversary of the Miracle Mets of '69. We know better. We know that this is the tenth anniversary of Kenny Rogers walking home Andruw Jones to lose the NLCS. The Mets obviously know this too as, noted in Tuesday night's broadcast, the two bases loaded walks they had brought their season total to 17. When you throw in the two runs that the Mets gave up via a hit batsman, that makes one free run per week for the opposition.

At this rate, Sean Green can be his own United Way chapter.

The only good thing about being pasted by the Rockies is that it pushes Matt Cain one game further away from getting to the playoffs. Grudges, you see, are all I have left. And since it's kinda pointless to hope that the Yankees and/or Phillies are going to fall out of the playoffs, my last hope to salvage some sort of belief in humanity is to hope that Matt Cain doesn't pitch in a playoff game this season. My main hope is for forever, but I take life one season at a time. So tip this, Matt.

I like this spolier stuff.

***

I loved the question for the booth tonight: "Would the Mets change their approach in Coors Field than how they approach a game in Citi Field?" Yes. The approach: try to suck less. But how would Keith Hernandez know the answer anyway? He's too busy watching the Flintstones on You Tube in the booth.



Yup. Seriously. The same man who didn't know you can text two people at one time is watching You Tube on company time. Can you blame him though, when the most interesting thing to watch on the field is David Wright's new batting helmet?

Yeah, I think it's a bit over the top too.

Check All Their Brains For Bruises

I didn't mean to be back so soon, but I finally got to read the actual quotes regarding the concussions of David Wright and Ryan Church that our fearless leader came up with today, so I wanted to relay them to you while underlying the fact that our manager is slowly becoming the Gangsta Art Howe:

"You have to be careful into stereotyping individuals. David is a different animal, so to speak. How he is made up is a little different than, say, Ryan Church, in my opinion. That's not to say that one is better than the other, but they're different. With Ryan, there was always something thrown from leftfield - 'We need to check that.' That made it somewhat difficult to evaluate that particular situation."

Check that ... Art Howe was never this petty. Clueless, at times. Petty, never. It took a beanball to bring out the truth but here it is. Laid out on the table ready for you to ingest and then puke.

So the question is this: What makes this different than the Minaya/Rubin situation? Well for one, Rubin was around to defend himself. Ryan Church is in Atlanta preparing for a rain delay, and probably never saw this coming.

Manuel was probably intending to pay a compliment to Wright, calling him "tough" and what not, but ended up blasting Church in the process, making him look like a sniping ingrate. Gee, maybe the "particular situation" was "difficult" because he had a freakin' concussion!!! Concussions, by nature, are difficult. And guess what, tough brains bruise in much the same way as brains that are "thrown from left field".

If Ryan Church was bad in the clubhouse, if he stole his teammates' iPods and programmed them to play only Leo Sayer songs, if he dangled babies off the roof of Citi Field, say so. Clue us in on the joke as to why he was such a bad guy. Until then, he's gone. You jerked him around, then you traded him. Let it go. And stop dancing around the issue and being all coy. It makes you look petty, and petty is not a good look. Petty, combined with absolutely wrong, is a fashion faux pas.

And people wonder why there's no faith in leadership.

A No-Brainer In More Ways Than One

It's probably only true in my head. But hearing Gary Cohen discuss the David Wright beaning at the top of Sunday's telecast made me think that he took on the role of patriarchal figure ... one who regretted being away from legions of Mets followers only for a day, but for a day that was event filled for all the wrong reasons. There was Cohen calming us, reassuring us, that our old friends were returning to put what we saw on Saturday in proper perspective. Saturday's FOX team, Thom Brennaman and Mark Grace, were a much welcome pair in contrast to many of the other alternate announcing teams we've been treated to during nationally televised affairs. But the Wright beaning needed perspective from the familiar. Sunday was better late than never.

Gary and Keith Hernandez were needed, if for no other reason, to wade through the latest nonsense out of Snoop Manuel's mouth. This time, it's about how tough people don't get concussions.

"David would know well enough whether he can move forward," Manuel said. "He's a bright young man and he understands a lot of different things, what's going on, and I think he has enough wisdom to put it in its right place"

"I would think him being who he is... because of what he means, I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt. And that’s just coming from the manager. I got hit in the head, and I’m still a little off here or there. I don’t have anything to do with how the medical people proceed. But for me as a manager, for what he has done for me, I want to give him every benefit of the doubt. What that is, I don’t know."

Because as you know, players who mean more to a team have a thin coating of alloy covering their brain designed to protect them from beanballs, home plate collisions, and walk-off dogpiles. It's in the journal of medicine.

Paging Eric Lindros ... Eric Lindros, please find a white courtesy phone.

Thankfully, Omar Minaya listened to Lindros, the Hospital for Special Surgery, and the tooth fairy. Because Minaya has just announced that the team has put Wright on the 15-day DL with the concussion. At no time did Minaya hint that Cain hit Wright because he had lobbied the team for a player development position.

So not only did the Mets prevail via the Daniel Murphy walk-off, but common sense has also prevailed. (What's more shocking, the Mets using common sense, or Luis Castillo reaching the second deck with a home run?)

The bad news is that Wright can come off the DL on September 1st where he'll have to meet the club in Denver ... of all places. The good news is that 15 days will give Wright enough time to take a train there.

School In Summertime

It's stuff like this that reminds me why I started a blog in the first place.

As long as the uniforms are throwbacks, Matt Cain beaning David Wright throws me back to a common theme that I keep harping to. So if I'm repeating myself in this instance, it's not because I'm old and senility is setting in: But Mets pitchers haven't thrown inside with purpose and consistency since Turk Wendell left. If you don't think that's a problem, tell that to David Wright and the fifteen miniature Kung Fu Pandas that are circling his head in the hospital.

Pitchers have been throwing inside on Wright all season long. He's been dusted, turned around, brushed back, all of it ... it's happened to Wright. It's good strategy. It's part of the game. And without having looked at the scouting reports I can pretty much surmise to the extreme of guarantee that the reports mention something to the tune of: "you can pitch inside on this team." The word "intimidated" might have made its way into some of those club reports.

I'm not talking about beaning, I'm just talking about commanding the inside part of the plate, which teams have done on Wright. He's the one hitter worth the effort to make uncomfortable, so why shouldn't they do it? Especially when the one time Wright is thrown at and not merely brushed back (Brad Thompson), he doesn't do anything. I don't believe that Cain tried to hit Wright in the head. But he did have intent to come inside and the pitch got away. I have to wonder if the Mets were a team that at least tried to command the inside of the plate more in the past weeks months years, would Matt Cain have been so quick to come inside? Would the other pitchers in the league come in on Wright as much as they have? Maybe the answer is still yes, since Wright has absolutely no protection in the lineup, but I'm not 100% sure about that.

I'll go as far as to say this: If Wright had charged Thompson two weeks ago for throwing at his head, does today happen? Does Cain intend to come inside as much as he intended to? (Sidebar: Let's not compare the Cain/Wright beaning to the Clemens/Piazza incident. Clemens hit Piazza because Piazza had success against him and poor Roger's ego was hurt. Wright has one hit in two at-bats lifetime against Cain.) I might very well be wrong on the last two paragraphs, and I understand the arguments against them. And I also don't say that to place any blame on Wright for what happened today. But I also believe it's a discussion worth having.

Here's another discussion worth having, and it relates to the bush league move that Cain pulled, tipping his cap antagonistically at the Mets fans for daring to boo him: Was there a new unwritten rule written in the last five years that opposing pitchers can't be thrown at? Sure, Santana threw behind Pablo Sandoval's back and that's all well and good (at least nobody had to die before that happened, which I wondered aloud for three innings). But baseball's adopted this "you hit our star we'll go after yours" policy, and I'm not sure bad behavior by pitchers is going to be curbed if they personally aren't going to be held accountable. I realize that the opportunity to retaliate against pitchers in the N.L. has dwindled with all the specialization, and the fewer at-bats starters get in general. But Santana had a couple of cracks at Cain after Wright was sent to the hospital.

"I was just adjusting my cap. They can take it how they want. All I know is I wasn't trying to hit David Wright on purpose. If they think that, that's their thought." -Matt Cain

All right, maybe I will compare him to Clemens ... because I haven't heard a load of garbage like that since "I thought it was the ball." Don't you love when people insult your intelligence?

Why was Cain not eating dirt instead of Sandoval? Maybe it's because of the belief in the Mets dugout that Cain wasn't responsible or didn't hit Wright on purpose. Fine. But then why hit anybody at all if that's what you believe? That brings me to my next morsel of food for thought: If we still lived by rule of the old days, and Cain was plunked in the ribs or sent scrambling to the ground, does he have the cajones to pull that cap tipping stunt to the fans? You have to have a feeling of invincibility to do that, and that's a feeling I believe is absent if he had a welt on his ribs. Look, I know some of the younger baseball fans here are tired of hearing about the old days and about how "if this was 1986, that no-class punk would be missing three teeth right now." You're more than entitled to think that way. But at the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, I can't help but think that we could all use just a little old school. Not a lot, not wool uniforms or anything like that ... but self policing isn't a bad thing.

Full disclosure: Although I was wondering about who to hit before the cap tip, Cain's stunt put the thoughts into sharper focus for me. So for whoever says "yeah, well this wasn't an issue until Cain tipped his cap", you're right. I think there's nothing wrong with that.

But if you really need some silver linings, here they are:

• The Mets don't have a west coast trip coming up until the first of September, thus preventing any further dizzy spells caused by the club stupidly putting David Wright on a cross country flight.
• Wright can now get that rest he so desperately needs, ensuring that he'll be refreshed for the final three meaningless games of the season.
• Tony Bernazard isn't around to recommend a cortisone shot to his frontal lobe.
• Now maybe Jeff Francoeur will wear the safer helmet and risk looking like a clown.

But this also means we'll see Fernando Tatis get everyday time at third, while somehow Daniel Murphy will still be on the bench three days a week ... and Jeremy Reed still isn't going to be able to crack the lineup. Oh, and there will always be the stigma of Sandoval being thrown at in retaliation and still hitting a bomb off Johan Santana, continuing the season long trend that even when they're right, they're wrong. And even when they win, they lose.

It Protects You From Swinging

David Wright: Hey Frenchy, you see this?

Jeff Francoeur: What?

DW: It's a new batting helmet ... it's supposed to protect you from 110 mile per hour fastballs. Not even Tim Lincecum can kill you.

JF: No way. I'm not wearing that.

DW: Why not?

JF: I'm just not wearing it. Absolutely not.

DW: But it's safer!

JF: I could care less what they say, I’m not wearing it. There’s got to be a way to have a more protective helmet without all that padding.

DW: But how can you have a helmet that protects you without padding?

JF: They could have satellites in space so that when a fastball comes near your head, it shoots lasers at it and obliterates it.

DW: Dude, the Wilpons aren't paying for a satellite to protect your head so don't even think about it.

JF: Well I don't care, I'm not wearing it.

DW: But what if a fastball comes at your head?

JF: What does it matter? I'm going to swing at it anyway.

DW: That's insane.

JF: You only get hits when you swing, dude.

DW: You should really think about wearing this helmet.

JF: We'll look like clowns out there.

DW: As opposed to how we look now at 52-61?

JF: I'm not going out there looking like Stan, Kyle, and Cartman from the Child Abduction episode.

DW: Do you realize that we play for a franchise that once took the field looking like this:

JF: We had Orel Hershisher?

DW: Frenchy, wear the helmet.

JF: No way dude. I'm not going out there looking like that.

DW: Dude,


JF: Oh that was like forever ago.

DW: All right suit yourself. Hey inning's over, let's get out there.

...

Cory Sullivan: Frenchy, look out!

JF: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!


DW: See, told you.

JF: Where am I?

DW: You're in Washington, you were just hit in the head by a fly ball.

CS: Do you know who you are?

JF: No, what's my name?

CS: You're Je ...

DW: VLADIMIR GUERRERO!

CS: Dude, really?

DW: Shut up Cory.

JF: You know, they should really let us wear helmets in the field.

Skeptic Tank

Experts say that you should be careful about what you see in players in April and in September. With the Mets season pretty much over, this is going to be the longest September in a long time. So it's okay to be skeptical about Cory Sullivan.

Two triples on Wednesday and some good looking defensive plays lately is like an oasis for this team, this time. But can you really believe what you see? After all, if you look at the new fangled way people are looking at defense these days, Cory Sullivan has UZR ratings that are negative ... as in less than zero. Last season alone, his UZR/150 rating was -58.5, and -111.9 in center field alone. Now I can't explain how one comes up with a UZR rating, but a numbers that low would basically make someone less useful in the field than Timmy Lupus. How do you get up in the morning at -111.9?

Those ratings are better this season, but still negative. I'm guessing this means that all these diving, running, sliding catches he's making ... Carlos Beltran would be camped under those balls for a couple of seconds.

But Sullivan is indeed making these catches, which is more than you could say for, say, Angel Pagan on Doug Davis' single (sidebar question for Snoop: How do you bench Pagan for making a dopey decision, but not Luis Castillo for making a lazy throw?) And besides, another way to evaluate a player is how they perform when the team they play on has been playing meaningless games since early June. Sullivan is a bright spot. To Snoop's discredit, there aren't many of those.

Now, let's hope that Sullivan doesn't go into next April undervalued ... or overvalued.

***

My bad:

"I don't know how David Wright has made it through the season healthy" -Metstradamus, multiple times over the past week.

I knew saying that was a bad idea every time the words came out of my mouth.

***

But hey, there are reasons to cheer up. First off, the Mets are wearing throwback uniforms this weekend that don't involve the Dodgers! Of course, they don't really throw back to anything the Mets have ever worn, but the fact that they're honoring the Giants and not the Dodgers is a small step in the right direction.

And hey, you might be able to see this weekend's games on the cheap, thanks to the Mets! Yeah, they're slashing ticket prices! The New York Mets: the Crazy Eddie of Major League Baseball. Awesome.

***

More cheer: You know it's rare that interesting things happen to two members of the Metstradamus Hall of Hate that end up on You Tube, but for those who haven't seen them, here's part one of the snicker parade, courtesy of NY Baseball Digest and Baseball Think Factory:



I'll never listen to his opening theme song the same way again ... "He'll get you the sports any way that he can." HA! He's getting a lot of flack for this on the web, but his pompousness has brought it on himself.

Shane Victorino, on the other hand, didn't bring this on himself. At least I don't think so:



Now, that's a very bad thing to do ... spill beer on a player. We don't condone that here on this website, even if Victorino is in the Hall of Hate by a landslide vote, and even if he is the devil. You still shouldn't spill beer on him.

(I did chuckle when it happened. I know, I'm going to hell ... oh what am I saying. Have you seen the standings? And have you seen that Pedro Martinez pitched five effective innings for the Phillies? I'm IN hell!!!)

My favorite part is the Phillies fan throwing peanuts at the Cubs fan after the beer was thrown. And the whole row got thrown out to boot.

Now remember for all you kids out there, this is not acceptable behavior. And if you enjoyed the previous video, you need penance. Donate to your favorite charity. Or, donate to Gary, Keith, and Ron's favorite charities by buying t-shirts and stuff. And if you use the code "blogger" before August 15th, then you can take 15% off of everything ... including tickets for the final game of the season where you can attend the end of season Gary, Keith and Ron event.

Remember, use the code "blogger" for discounts. If you use the code "Metstradamus", a video of Keith laughing at you will pop up on the screen. So just type "blogger".

Utilitarian

There's something that's been brewing a little bit in my brain lately (no, not beer). It took Monday's 7-4 loss to illustrate my point for me.

Sure, one could call Monday night's effort unacceptable (and I believe one did), but I think there is something else at play here.

As told by either Gary Cohen and Ron Darling, Snoop Manuel was asked about Anderson Hernandez and Snoop said that he wants to see what Hernandez can do at other positions. This has been a line of thinking that you saw in the minor league system, where players like Daniel Murphy and Nick Evans were made to play multiple positions. It tells me all I need to know about the Mets general idea of "player development":

We're grooming an entire organization of utility players.

Doesn't that seem a little dangerous to you?

Look, utility players are wonderful. It's nice to have a Bert Campaneris circa 1965 on your roster, or a Kevin Mitchell circa 1986. But to have a whole minor league system of utility players ... players worrying about learning three or four positions? No wonder they're all messed up in the head and need mental vacations. Heck, even David Wright needs a mental break and he's just playing third. No wonder it doesn't occur to Fernando Tatis that Trent Oeltjen might be taking second base on a hit to left. No wonder Murphy was on his way to the Bahamas on a bouncer over the pitcher's head so that Hernandez can throw the ball to an imaginary first baseman on a double play attempt.

There's a reason that the saying goes: "jack of all trades, master of none" ... least of all hitting. Nobody is mastering that, probably because everyone's busy learning how to be Bert Campaneris. Nobody gets less out of less than the Mets.

But that's looking at too big a picture. Obviously this team is done ... mentally, and physically. Even Gary Cohen is counting down the games ("just 50 more games, Ron.") You know there's trouble when Cohen, who loves baseball enough to sit in the stands and watch a game on his off day, is counting down the games. Heck the whole announcing team has resorted to schtick long ago when they started sword fighting and giving Ron Darling haircuts in the booth (and can we be sure that when Gary shot a t-shirt out of that gun that he didn't hit Frankie Rodriguez in the arm?) So can we really be surprised that it's come to this?

You'd be counting down the days too if you saw Doug Davis, having just been described as a "notoriously bad hitter", smack a single to center which Angel Pagan turned into a double (how come extra bases are only taken when Angel's in the field?) I'm guessing that giving up a hit to a notoriously bad hitter isn't quite the late night feeding that Mike Pelfrey had in mind.

Pelfrey, by the way, is playing third tomorrow for Wright. Because the Mets need more versatility.