Monday, January 02, 2006

The Trade Expands

It seems that this alleged trade involving Miguel Tejada, the Mets, Manny Ramirez, the Orioles, and Danys Baez has gotten out of hand.

So here's what my sources have been able to ascertain: The Devil Rays would get Aaron Heilman and Jae Seo, The Red Sox would get shortstop Miguel Tejada from Baltimore and center fielder Joey Gathright from the D-Rays. Baltimore would get Julio Lugo from Tampa as its shortstop and possibly starters Kris Benson from the Mets and Matt Clement from the Sox. And then Manny Ramirez would go to the Mets.

But it doesn't end there.

The Red Sox would then deal Tejada to the Cubs for Mark Prior and Rich Hill, and then the Mets would trade Manny Ramirez and Lastings Milledge to the Angels for Vladimir Guerrero. The Angels then would turn around and wheel Ramirez and Darin Erstad to the Kansas City Royals for a package including Jeremy Affeldt, Mike MacDougal, Zack Greinke, Billy Butler, the fountains, and George Brett's consulting services.

The Royals, not being able to afford Ramirez, would then trade him to the Texas Rangers for Brad Wilkerson, Adam Eaton, and Gerald Laird. The Royals would then trade Eaton and Laird to the Nationals for Alfonso Soriano, granting Soriano's wish to return to the American League, filing it under the category of "be careful what you wish for". Texas would then wheel Manny to the Milwaukee Brewers for Carlos Lee, Derrick Turnbow, and the Miller Brewery. But league sources say that Bud Selig would veto that trade due to the fact that it involves too much beer. So in the next part of the trade, Manny would then go to Arizona with Orlando Hudson and Shawn Green going to the Rangers, and Conor Jackson going to the Twins for Torii Hunter.

Here's where it gets complicated.

The Diamondbacks would then turn around and trade Manny to the Astros for Adam Everett, Chris Burke, Andy Pettitte, and the foghorn. Houston would then trade Ramirez to the Phillies for Bobby Abreu and Tom Gordon, righting a wrong they committed many moons ago. The Phils, in a three way trade would then trade Manny to the Philadelphia Eagles, with Terrell Owens going to the Indiana Pacers, and Ron Artest going to the Phillies, (where he will no doubt proceed to get himself suspended for the season after he beats Santa Claus to within an inch of his life). The Eagles would then trade Manny to the Houston Texans for the number one draft pick and the rights to USC running back Reggie Bush. The Texans would then trade Manny to...



The New England Patriots...for Corey Dillon, Troy Brown, and three fifths of the offensive line.

So everybody wins. Manny can stay in Boston, and get his wish to go unnoticed because nobody in Boston pays attention to the Patriots until Super Bowl week anyway.

My sources tell me that this trade could be announced within the week...except if it's not.

14 comments:

Tommy_Calzone said...

I am so sick and tired of the whole damn thing, reading about it & hearing about it.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I am the die hardest of Met fans and I can not take another damn rumor or anymore talk about it!

Trade Manny for Miggy and let the rest of the baseball world move on already!

Good job makin light of an annoying story that won't go away & seemingly changes by the minute.

I can not wait until we can get back to talkin about baseball!

Anonymous said...

Did you get this from Mark Healey at Gotham Baseball?

Rob said...

Can you please site some of your sources?

Seriously (or humorously), thanks for the laughs. That was great.

I do wonder, though, how Manny would look in a Bruins uniform~:c)

Minglet said...

hahaha..awesome as always metstra

Metstradamus said...

"Did you get this from Mark Healey at Gotham Baseball?"

No.

I'm an idiot, not a plagarist. ;)

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

Metstra,

That makes about as much sense as any of the other deals floated out there. And probably with better sources, as well.

Happy new year!

Anonymous said...

Truly, Metsra has partaken of ye olde eggnog a wee overmuch.

Nice job.

Healy the Tool said...

Wasn't this reported already at GB. I am surprised that Healy hasn't informed you that he scooped this scenario just before the '29 stock crash.
Keep up the good work.

Mets Beast said...

omg that was hilarious... knowing manny going to the pats, he would take it out on the jets and turn into another tom brady!

Mr. Met's Dirty Laundry said...

Mr. Metstradamus:
Thank you, thank you, thank you for straightening out this most heinous of rumors. Now I can sleep at night, knowing that Manny will wind up back in Boston. Perhaps we can all engage in a hostile takeover of Gotham Baseball and stop them from spreading more annoying, incorrect supersilious claptrap around the internet and the rest of the REAL Mets fans will sleep easier knowing that there is one less erroneous purveyor of bad rumors (and nonsensical ones at that) out there. Now crack open a freakin Rheingold and let's watch Koosman whip his curve by Bench...see- I used too much of my brainpower on those big words and now I don't know what year it is! Thanks, Gotham Baseball! (the indignity of it all...)

Anonymous said...

My friend, THANKS A LOT FOR SUCH A MAGNIFCENT AND FUNNY POST, i'm a die hard mets fan, and nothing would give me more than getting Manny, wich if that rumor wasnt on, by this time the offseason would be really boring, THANKS AGAIN FOR SUCH AN IMAGINATIVE TRADE RUMOR.

Fredstradamus said...

Metstradamus ... I think we need a countdown to pitchers & catchers calendar, please.

Please!?!

Aw, c'mon ... I'm your BROTHER!

Metstradamus said...

You mean the Jeff Innis alarm clock and the Brian McRae Daily affirmation calendar I sent you for Christmas weren't enough? (Sigh!) Let me consult the home office.

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