Monday, June 27, 2005

With Friends Like These...

Don't you hate when you are watching a big game, and you get a phone call at the most inopportune time? Or you get a call from someone claming that the game is in the bag? Well tonight was tenuous, to be sure. But surely it was in the bag, no? Kris Benson cruised through five innings, and Randy Johnson was Randy Johnson again but the Mets scratched out a run for the lead. For a tight Met-Yankee game in the Bronx, my hyperactivity was surprisingly low and I was feeling pretty confident.

Then, before the bottom of the sixth, the phone rang.

It was family, so I had to pick it up. It was a mojo call from my brother, a Met fan in Ohio. All he said was "Just put on the game...mojo call." We hung up, and the Yankees immediately scratched out an unearned run to tie the game.

Bad mojo.

Luckily, then came the top of the seventh. It was the kind of inning that should have warded off all bad spirits, curses, ghosts and bad mojo once and for all. A double by Chris Woodward over the head of an old dog trying to learn a new trick, Tony Womack in center field. Then a walk, a wild pitch, an error, and infield single, and another error later, the Mets had a 4-1 lead. I wasn't worried anymore...until the middle of the seventh.

Another damn phone call.

This time, it was a good friend of mine. Now, if you check out my profile on this site, I explain that some Met fans blast me for being too pessimistic. The guy who called me before the seventh inning is that very Met fan. I decide that I'm not going to pick up...too engrossed at this point. This is the message that he leaves:


Wow...I hope you're watching this. I hope you're seeing what is going on. You know what, I'm starting to believe again...I think we might have a chance.

Oh, we had a chance (as Aaron Heilman commits a balk).

We had a chance to go over .500 (as Carlos Beltran misses the cutoff man). We had a chance to get a Yankee coach fired (as Alex Rodriguez drives in the third run). We had a chance to put the first nail in their 2005 coffin (as Braden Looper can't find the plate). We had a chance for the first sweep ever in the Bronx (as Rodriguez doubles down the unguarded line). We had a chance to gain a game on the first place Nationals (as Jason Giambi wins the game).

But YOU called.

YOU left a message of hope and belief and YOU BLEEEEEEEEEEW IIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

YOU blew it.

And do you know what you caused with one premature phone call? You've caused Yankee fans to start dancing again. You've given them a spring in their step. You've given Jeannie Zelasko and Kevin Kennedy from the FOX Saturday Game of the Week an opportunity to put together a 5 minute fluff piece on the newest "Greatest Game In The History Of Baseball" to air before next week's game.

You helped write a new "Yankeeography".

You've given Ron Howard an idea for a new feature length film..."Cream and Clear Man". Russell Crowe will be Giambi. John Leguizamo will be A-Rod. Chris Rock will be Gary Sheffield. Jackie Chan will play Hideki Matsui (Howard will take advantage of Chan's talents by writing in an action scene of Chan kicking the butts of 17 Met fans dressed as ninjas on the way to first after being intentionally walked.) Of course, Derek Jeter diving into the stands for a foul ball and breaking both his legs but staying in the game will be written into the script for dramatic effect (he'll play himself).

And do you know who is going to play your part? TED McGINLEY!

Except you didn't jump the shark my friend. You fed the Mets to Jaws!

NOW do you know why I'm pessimistic? It's YOUR fault.

Hold my calls.

4 comments:

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

Awesome post. I'm still laughing! And I absolutely feel your pain.

Shari said...

Very funny post, but I think it was Joe Morgan and Keith Miller harping on the fact that Wright & Reyes have not made errors in 17 and 29 games respectively.

I am completel sick of Braden Loop-Hole and his crappy pitching. Jack McKeaon benched his ass for a reason when he was with the Marlins-he stinks on ice.

Anonymous said...

I called you last night as well. The Dark Side of the Force is strong.

Darth Marc

Metstradamus said...

There were too many jinxes in play last night. The problem is that the elite closer just isn't available via trade. And any other closer that is available isn't that much better an option than Looper at this point. I do think the closer of the future is being groomed in Royce Ring...but for now, for better or worse, Looper is it.