Predictability

So there was a Christmas gift under the tree after all!

Unfortunately, the thing ran once in two years ... and I think it needs a part no longer in stock.

The Christmas Eve signing of Kelvim Escobar is a perfect illustration of what ails the New York Mets. Look, I'm happy Escobar has found work. And despite what you might think I'm going to say (just to show you I'm not getting too predictable in my own age), I'm happy that Kelvim Escobar has found work with the New York Mets. His stuff and his talent makes him worth taking the chance, so my official word is that I like the signing.

But here is where, predictably, the Mets are going to get this wrong. Where most teams would give a guy who has pitched once in two major league seasons (plus one recent Venezuelan league stint) a minor league contract to try to make a team that is stocked with enough talent that if Escobar wouldn't make it, no harm no foul, the Mets no doubt will see him have a couple of halfway decent outings in spring training and say "Hey, let's make him Frankie's set-up man" or, "Hey, he's our number two starter!"

I fear that instead of Escobar being the first of many moves to back themselves up, Escobar is going to be given too much importance too soon and, when he gets hurt again, will leave the Mets with another huge gaping hole that they can't fill until it's too late. When the Mets got J.J. Putz, it was great but more moves needed to be made. They weren't. And Putz going down was something the Mets couldn't recover from (the club's handling of his injury didn't help either.)

You want to tell me that Escobar is "low risk/high reward", fine. I hated that term when it applied to Gary Sheffield ... because it's my belief that it never applied to Sheffield. Signing Sheffield is never, ever "low risk". I still hate that term, but I'll grant you that signing Escobar could portray this mythical "low risk/high reward" scenario. But that'll be true only if he's put in a position where losing him to yet another injury (and let's face it, his history doesn't look good here) isn't going to hurt them. Knowing the Mets and their recent history, I doubt that this is going to happen. The eyes of Omar and Snoop will no doubt be too big for their stomachs and Escobar, after a stellar April, will be given the keys to the kingdom, just as Livan Hernandez was at one time. Escobar will then promptly lose said keys in the needle disposal bin of the surgery room he'll be visiting, and the Mets will be lost along with those keys.

Tell me I'm wrong all you want. But it's gotta be proven to me.

What Have You Learned? Omar Minaya

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today, we look at everyone's least favorite person with everyone's favorite job: Omar Minaya.

Remember how easy it used to be to get a t-shirt that said "In Omar We Trust"? Now they're about as readily available as those Patriots 19-0 gold coins ... and worth about as much.

It's gotta be tough to be Minaya these days. He's the very definition of lame duck ... between his people getting fired around him, hiring new people who could possibly replace him (and I wonder whether Minaya was "encouraged" to do this), and having reports pop up that the only reason you have your job is because of the extension you signed, I'd say that would make a man feel quite inadequate. Good thing he's in the sports business, where there's no shortage of advice for that kind of thing.

What has Omar Minaya learned? Hopefully, how to choose his battles more wisely.

What must he learn for 2010? Unfortunately, he's going to have to learn how to be somebody he's not. Look, I think Minaya is a good GM ... but not for what this franchise needs. His strengths, being able to sign the big fish being paramount among them, was something the Mets desperately needed after the 2004 season when they badly needed an infusion of star power. The Mets don't need that now. They have enough stars. They need a GM who knows how to construct a roster 1-25. Minaya has proven that's not a strength for him. most egregiously with the Darren O'Day debacle (yeah, that still bothers me). But if he's going to keep his job past this season, he's going to have to make it a strength.

Is that fair? Absolutely not. I'm not a fan of putting people in a position to fail. When you start firing people to "send messages", you get away from the mission statement. Now who the %#$* knows what the Mets mission statement is, but what they seem to be doing is trying to "light a fire" under Minaya. The problem is that you can light a fire to make somebody hustle, or give more effort. But pressure doesn't make you smarter. School makes you smarter. And Minaya graduated Newtown High School way back in 1978. If there's something he didn't pick up before then, it's not coming.

But he's got one chance to fix this. I don't know if that's possible in one season. Problems like the Mets have get fixed from the ground up, and that takes years. Maybe Minaya can do what he does best and go after the best free agents out there, whom to me are Matt Holliday (NLDS Game 2 error not withstanding) and John Lackey. But that's going to be rough. Holliday would have to do what few do, and that's play in St. Louis for a half a season then actually leave ... since players love being there. Lackey? I see him either staying in Anaheim or going home to Texas, so Omar might be chasing his tail on both of them. With the rest of the free agent market lukewarm at best, Omar is going to have to change course and try something else.

Maybe that draft class from 2008 which includes Ike Davis and Reese Havens will be confirm Minaya's skills as a builder. But who knows if and when the Mets can reap those grains? Maybe Chris Carter will be a good first step, but that's assuming he makes the club. Minaya's best chances to fix this might not contribute until after he's gone. Since much of his staff will be starting from scratch, is there really a chance to make meaningful improvements in one season?

You want to fix it this year? Well, that might involve mortgaging some future, and that's what makes a lame duck dangerous, getting rid of future to save his job today. Here's the two edges to this sword: A: People say you have no future in your farm system ... and that's part of what needs fixing with this organization. But B: Omar says that's overblown, that there are some pieces that other teams want. All right, prove it. Make a trade for Derrek Lee if that's the case. Make a trade for Dan Uggla and Jeremy Hermida and give Florida more salary relief if that's the case. Make a trade for Doc Halladay if that's the case.

I don't know what the exact answer is. But if you want to fix this, maybe a good way to start is to watch a replay of the Tigers/Twins playoff, where you'll see two teams with talent up and down the roster, not to mention the balls to trust that talent when it mattered most. (You'll also see a team who won said playoff game where the winning pitcher was a guy you released in '05 ... probably to make room for Julio Franco or Juan Marichal or Juan Marichal's grandmother on the 40 man roster.)

Maybe a good way to start is to not waste roster spots on broken heroes on a last chance power drive. Don't even think about giving Gary Sheffield another season. I don't care what kind of numbers he put up, his signing was a mistake. Nick Evans' lost season was probably due in no small part because of Sheffield's signing pushing him to the minors and starting him on the abyss. Were 10 HR's and 43 RBI's worth that? Hopefully, Evans will be a viable option on the bench next season (heaven knows that Snoop Manuel made him familiar on the bench in September), along with Carter, and maybe Hermida if you trade for him. They can't be any worse than Fernando Tatis and his band of empty bench spots as the Mets played the whole season with anywhere from 23-19 players.

Maybe another way to start would be to take a chance on Miguel Cabrera, as the Tigers might try to trade him after his escapades during the last weekend of the season. Now, notice I didn't say that it would be another "good" way to start. Sure, while you wouldn't get him cheap, you might be able to get him at a slightly reduced rate. But if you want to change the entitlement that the locker room has been accused of having, Cabrera would be the absolute worst option you could choose. I know it's tempting, but now that the Mets are on a streak of sweeping final series, the last thing the Mets need is a lazy problem child who goes on benders and tells kids they're fat after once being as big as an El Dorado.

Other than that, have at it. Go forth and fix the team, somehow someway. Just go against everything you've ever been taught about how to run a team. Easy, right? Figure out what you've learned, Omar. Then forget all of it.

Heroics In A Vacuum

Had it meant anything, it would have been an instant classic. Then maybe somebody from Philadelphia staying in New York for the weekend would have to endure an airing of Saturday's game on SNY over the Christmas holiday as a InstaMet Classic, just like I have to endure repeats of the Phillies pasting the Mets whenever I go to Atlantic City.

Instead, we'll just have to deal with the consolation that David Wright's two home runs, the last one being the two-out, two-run top of the ninth shot to give them a 10-9 win, put him right at the team lead in dingers with Gary Sheffield. Surely, flashbulbs will be going off in the stands with every David Wright swing from here on in anticipating David taking over the club lead ... an important milestone in Met history.

Too bad Mike Pelfrey missed all of it, as after his horrible outing in which he coughed up a four run first inning lead, he changed into his running gear, left the clubhouse, ran around the Citizens Bank Park parking lot seventeen times, beat up five Phillies fans, ran up the Rocky steps, beat up the Rocky statue, ran to Geno's to pick up cheesesteaks for the team, beat up Geno, ran to the Liberty Bell, rang the bell, beat up the bell, then ran back to the clubhouse, ate all the cheesesteaks, then beat up Ken Takahashi when he found out he missed everything including Frankie's knee buckling pitch to Jayson Werth. Then he beat up Frankie Rodriguez.

Anger management is a bitch, isn't it?

In an unrelated story, Brian Schneider says he doesn't expect to return to the Mets in 2010. He came to this conclusion when he found out that his locker at Citi Field was donated to a youth baseball league, and that he had to use Jerry Seinfeld's mold infested suite to dress and store his catching gear. That, and every time he falls asleep on the team bus, he wakes up at a Motel 6 in Kansas City ... and they don't even leave the light on for him.

Oh, and the only batting helmets left for him are those Gazoo helmets that Wright doesn't use anymore. The signs don't get clearer than that.

Silent September

As your favorite team wanders through the wilderness of a fruitless September, hurdling towards an October which will be filled with baseball being played by everybody you hate, you wonder what your team will do to use the remaining time productively while making that clock run just a little bit faster ...

Oh yeah, let's have a closed door meeting! That'll be just great!

"It was about not giving up and using these last games. Don’t let that creep in. These last few weeks of the season, the four months before spring training, this is the time that we can get ready. We look around here and if we’re healthy we can win next year." -Gary Sheffield

This is the same Gary Sheffield who was told that he wasn't part of the plans next season, isn't it? And isn't this the same Gary Sheffield who struck out meekly as a pinch hitter in the eighth inning of a game he threatened to miss completely? This leading by example stuff is confusing.

But it must have worked. I mean, even though the Mets helped to complete the sweep by the Marlins, Angel Pagan was so inspired and so eager to get to next year he tried to run all the way there in one day. Unfortunately, he was doubled off second and had to go all the way back to February.


Yes, Pagan has to do the 2009 season over again as punishment. Sad. But the good news is that making his major league debut on Thursday as the best pitcher of the night against the Marlins (not that it's saying a whole lot) was Tobi Stoner. And at that moment, somewhere in a small town in Maryland, Tony Tarasco felt a pang of wanting ... and he wasn't sure why.

***

This being a day to remember, let's not forget why we live in the greatest city in the world.

And You Wonder ...

How could it be piling on when there's constantly new material to complain about?

The latest drama in this anything but "drama-free" zone revolves around Gary Sheffield. First came rumors of Sheffield's release, which would have been hysterical hours after the release of Livan Hernandez for a team that has no depth. I mean, who's left to call up? Apparently, his nameplate was removed from his locker, Tim Redding had told somebody that he heard Sheffield was released, but the only ones who were released at that point were the hounds.

Seems that Sheffield was claimed by either the Marlins or the Giants when he was placed on waivers, and the Mets pulled him back, presumably because they didn't want to trade him to a team in their division, or because the Mets wanted more value in a trade than the Marlins or Giants were willing to give. Why that matters at this point, I'm not sure. Then Sheffield, I guess wanting some incentive to be stuck with a dysfunctional franchise such as the New York Mets, asked for a contract extension. When that was denied, Sheffield wanted to be either released or traded to the Marlins. When that was denied, Sheffield threatened to take his toys and go home, and was scratched from the lineup.

Got all that?

So who is at fault? Everyone, of course. At this point, why pick sides? Sheffield, I have to admit, has been as much as you could ask for in the clubhouse. His offensive output has been a little overrated for my tastes. ("Where would they be without him" I keep hearing ... they'd either have a better player, or they'd be a little closer to the Nationals.) But the issues I thought would creep up never did, at least until the Mets were essentially dead and buried. The worry for me has always been that a Sheffield tantrum would distract the Mets from a pennant race. No pennant race? No problem.

But the Sheffield tantrum did come. It always comes. It happens everywhere he goes. Sheffield has a valid point about wanting to play for a contender at this point, and he deserves a chance to go elsewhere as a reward for the little trouble he's caused. But the fact that he needed a day off "to clear his thoughts" isn't the most professional move he could have made. It's why players refuse to negotiate contracts in-season.

The Mets are at fault here too ... basically because they're the Mets and they're guilty on general principle. (Does that qualify as "piling on"?) But first off, what the heck are they holding out for from the Marlins for Sheffield? Dan Uggla? Josh Johnson? Hanley? Once again, Gary Sheffield has ten home runs, is forty years old, and has hamstring issues. You want a stud prospect for him? You're afraid he's going to come back and hurt you? Really? If he hurts you this season it's throwing a pebble in a canyon. Who cares? If he hurts you next season, bless him. He's not hurting anyone next season. And if that team was the Giants ... then simply, why?

And second, yet again, more crossed signals from player and coach. Sheffield says he's out of the lineup because it's "good for the lineup", Snoop says Sheffield asked for the day off. Snoop says Jose Reyes has a good day running, Jose Reyes says he never ran. Snoop says Carlos Delgado had a good batting practice session, Delgado says he never swung a bat. Snoop says Wilson Valdez had Fruity Pebbles and black coffee for breakfast, Valdez says he ate Boo Berry with grapefruit juice (weird). The dog chases his tail, the tail says it never moved. It never ends, and as long as this regime is running the ship, it never will.

The only thing the Mets are correct for is not granting Sheffield the extension he wanted. What's amazing is that by the standards of what the Mets have given us over the past few months, this will be seen as a shrewd move instead of the no-brainer it actually is. The bar just gets lower and lower.

Figures that the night that Billy Wagner comes back and strikes out two in an inning would be eclipsed by the Sheffield lunacy, but that's the way this season has gone. Besides, who would really be surprised if this exact situation repeated itself with Wagner after the Phillies series? But Country Time's return 11 months after Tommy John surgery deserves its due, mainly because it's the first time I've clapped hard regarding anything involving a Mets game since June. It's probably the last feel good story of the season, so enjoy it. And good job, C.T.

Hopefully, the Mets will come to their senses and get something for him (before he blows an achilles stepping off the team bus) so that he can enjoy a pennant race (in Texas, perhaps ... ) and escape this season that gets more wretched by the day. But that would make too much sense.

Enough Money For One Lousy Beer

I hope for Alexi Panos' sake that she's not still doing "Beer Money" when she's 45 years old.

But if she is, she'll have that ace question in the hole where she'll ask the contestant du jour to name as many players who got a hit during the inning where they set a club record with ten. She could even tell them that the year was 2009. And the guesses will inevitably include luminaries such as Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado, and perhaps even Ryan Church.

Heck, some would even guess Keith Hernandez before they guess Luis Castillo, Jeff Francoeur, Gary Sheffield, Omir Santos, Anderson Hernandez, Angel Pagan, Fernando Tatis, and freakin' Oliver Perez.

That's right, the largest inning of offensive juggernaution (no, it's not a word) includes those last eight names ... and yes, Oliver Perez is one of them. If you can truly cause death by paper cuts, then that's a textbook murderers row. But the record inning does not include Daniel Murphy, who made two of the three outs in that inning and should really be ashamed of himself ... because now he'll be benched for the rest of the homestand knowing Snoop.

Of course, I missed the damn inning ... partly because of just plain "stuff", but partly because I was in no rush to get back to the television after Perez gave up a bomb to Adam LaRoche to give the Braves a 4-0 lead, and I launched into some sort of song where the lyrics "I hate you Ollie" were prominent, and stormed off to go on a string of activities ... not the least important of which was dinner. What happens? They set records. The team who's about seven injuries away from me playing left field set a franchise record. I missed it. I suck.

Not that the record or the win makes me feel any better. In May I would have been reassured by Oliver Perez beating Derek Lowe ... "hey, looks like the Mets made the right choice, eh?" Now? It's only part of the cruel irony of 2009. It's like slaying the dragon ... when you're 100 games out. Because Ryan Church will leave New York at the end of the series still trying to make the playoffs, while Snoop Manuel will be trying to avoid Jeff Wilpon in the hallways.

Speaking of:

Mets manager Jerry Manuel's support system is eroding. First, his main backer, Tony Bernazard, the top aide of GM Omar Minaya, was fired. Now we're hearing that Minaya is about to be "reassigned," and John Ricco will be promoted to the GM job, an indication that the owner's son, Jeff Wilpon, wants to expand his involvement in day-to-day duties.

Oh, that's the solution to this mess ... more Wilpon. Why didn't I think of that? I feel better already. Hey when you "reassign" Minaya, can you please assign him to my apartment to slit my wrists with a plastic spoon while Alexi Panos asks me to name all the pitchers that have had a no-hitter after leaving the Mets? Thanks.

I'm Not An Animal ... Technically

I really thought I had it all planned out. Was rolling along on this blog and was ready to launch into foolproof reasoning why David Wright should have charged Brad Thompson after being brushed back near his head.

But then I started eliminating the reasons in my head. I went in knowing that Wright charging the mound wouldn't provide spark enough to carry the team to the pennant. I knew that it wouldn't improve the perception of the team in other circles (though it couldn't be quite as bad as it is right now.) And I knew that there would be a better than even chance that a brawl involving the Mets would probably send at least six players to the disabled list.

(Seriously, what tortured spirit was unearthed when Jeffy put his shovel to the Shea Stadium parking lot?)

But then I realized, after invoking the "times have changed and we're all too nice" defense, reasoning how Wright should only think after acting (because not having time to think did the trick for Nelson Figueroa), and getting ready to juxtapose this incident with the Prince Fielder/Guillermo Mota incident (Mota ... LOL!) I came to an honest and enlightening conclusion: The only reason I wanted Wright to charge Thompson was to make me feel better. I haven't puffed out my chest about the Mets since Game 6 (no, not that Game 6) All a brawl would have seriously done was put a smile on my face. Not the kind of smile that a 9-0 win while losing two more players to the Balkin & Eisbrouch list gives you. I mean a huge smile.

I was selfish.

I was violent.

I was an animal.

Oh don't get me wrong, I still think Wright should have charged the mound. I sure as hell would have gotten some frustration out of that room, and yeah ... I do think we've gone soft as a sport since Ray Knight went after Tom Niedenfuer, and would like to see some vigilante justice out there. It might have been overboard for Wright to charge, but so what ... some people deserve a beating. And some people who don't deserve a beating should get one anyway.

But I'm not going to hide my personal slant/bias in this. For example, the mere thought of Shane Victorino makes me wish it was me in that batters box instead of Wright (no 'roids needed for my rage). I'm not ashamed to say that rooting for this team gives me violent tendencies. Well, maybe a little ashamed. But while I came to rant about the Mets, I instead had a breakthrough about myself. I need to deal with this in a healthy way and not let it get in the way of how I write.

Aah, screw healthy. Brad Thompson needs a beating. And so does Tony La Russa for making a pitching change in the eighth inning of a 7-0 game on getaway day (take that, genius.) And the kid who saw a guy in a John Franco jersey and said aloud "Yeah, I saw John Franco get a save, like, ten years ago yuk yuk yuk" while being only about 12 years old himself ... yeah, he deserves a beating too. And Yadier Molina deserves a beating for having a Cheshire cat grin on his mascara lined face after he threw out a runner stealing second on Tuesday.

Guillermo Mota deserves a beating too. Because he's had it coming for a while. And while you're at it, look inside your own soul. You could probably use a beating yourself.

There, I feel better. But I guess I really haven't learned anything.

Maybe it was Casper?

The Long Walk Home

Did you see the long depressing limp that Gary Sheffield took off the field after experiencing right hamstring "cramps" (forgive me if I'm skeptical of medical reports) on Friday?

Seemed eerily like how the rest of this season's going to go, didn't it? A long, slow limp to the finish line, with a couple of moments where you think you're going to collapse in a heap of body parts, as Sheffield almost did at least once.

If you didn't see it, find a replay and see for yourself. Sheffield eschewed the cart so that he can walk off the field under his own power, except that it took the better part of an hour. If that's how the Mets season is going to go for you, you might want to just take the cart ... and go to the beach.

Until November.

And remember, surgery's on Thursday.

"Let's go out and beat the Mets ... just like old times." -Greg Maddux before the game, and after his number 31 was retired

Oh, excuse me Greg ... I didn't know that 2008 counted as "the old days". Hell, Maddux could have put on a uniform and did it himself. Two hits, 11-0 ... wow.

Failing The Crash Test

People have wondered why, with the Phillies still within sight of the Mets in the N.L. East with plenty of time to go in the season, I can't just enjoy the ride.

It's because the Mets clubhouse shop doesn't sell Brooklyn Dodgers throwback edition crash helmets.

Believe me, there's nothing I want more than to be positive, and look at the glass as being half full (of good strong Vodka of course.) But if you still think this season can be salvaged, and you're entitled to think that way, ask yourself: What have you seen from this team, not the struggles of the Phillies or the Marlins' bullpen or the Braves, but from the New York Mets, that tell you that this is a team that has a legitimate shot at winning this division? Where's the evidence on the field?

Because here's reality: The fourth inning on Tuesday, where Johan Santana walked the pitcher, Fernando Martinez dug up a divot in center field the size of Bobby Bonilla's severance paycheck while letting an easy fly ball drop, Dan Warthen gets kicked out of the game for jawing with Jim Wolf, and Ryan Braun's two run double turned into a three-run double when Omir Santos couldn't catch a relay throw, and turned into a four-run double when Johan Santana threw a ball to Grayslake, IL, would have been the most disgusting inning of the season for most teams.

For the Mets, it barely cracks the top ten.

Yet, it might be the inning that drives the final stake in the heart of the season.

Nah, that's not true.

Tomorrow, when Yovani Gallardo pitches to a lineup that isn't going to have David Wright and Gary Sheffield ... that'll be the last straw. But what difference does it make at this point? The lineup that did have Wright and Sheffield couldn't beat Mike Burns.

Mike Burns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No wonder Wright looked like he was about to cry in the post-game interview.

The next question that you have to ask yourself is whether you believe Omar Minaya can fix this. And think of this: What exactly has Minaya done in-season to significantly help the club?

His biggest splash came when he traded Xavier Nady for Oliver Perez and Roberto Hernandez. And that was out of desperation. He also traded for Luis Castillo. That's it.

At this point, any moves Minaya can make would be putting duct tape on a life raft. The ship be sinking, folks. Minaya had a chance to address this in the offseason, when instead of gathering all of baseball's "change of scenery" guys or "low-risk/high reward" guys, maybe he could have gotten some true major leagues here. In fact, Minaya's chance to address this came on Day One of his tenure here, when he could have done more to build a real farm system instead of stocking Norfolk, New Orleans, and Buffalo with the likes of Elmer Dessens, Casey Fossum, Jose Lima, Brian Lawrence, Jose Offerman, Gerald Williams, Julio Franco, Chan Ho Park, Freddy Garcia, Dae Sung Koo, Ken Takahashi, Miguel Cairo, Brian Daubach, Kaz Ishii, Eli Marrero, Ricky Ledee, Moises Alou, Chip Ambres, Emil Brown, Wily Mo Pena, Bobby Kielty, Raul Casanova, Ramon Martinez, Brandon Knight, Brady Clark, Trot Nixon, Andy Phillips, Abraham Nunez, Tony Armas, Chris Aguila ...

But now? There's nothing Minaya can do except wait for the injured to come back, and there are no guarantees there. There's nothing Snoop can do. Oh he's trying. He had a "family talk" with the Mets after the loss. But Ozzie Guillen once said that good teams win games, while bad teams have meetings. The Mets are a bad team, plain and simple. And all the jargon and gangsta-speak and Dennis Greene impersonations and saying you need players one night and saying "my team is on the field" the next night does nothing but rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic. The ride is over. The ship has hit the iceberg. And all that's left to do is watch the carnage while floating away in the life raft. Don't worry, you'll hit shore on or around October 3rd.

Want positive? The Cyclones are 9-2.

Tinker Toys

It's obvious as the nose on Snoop Manuel's face that as long as Fernando Nieve keeps pitching like this, he has to stay in the rotation. Isn't it?

Isn't it???

Well, maybe not. After all, Daniel Murphy has had nine hits in his last seven games before being benched against a righty on Wednesday night so Nick Evans could get into the lineup, and that 6-4-Tatis can stay there. Maybe Murphy came to Snoop asking for a breather. Maybe his last game being an 0-fer showed Snoop that Murphy needed a day of rest. But by that logic, everyone except Luis Castillo and Jeremy Reed needed to be benched after Jo-El Pineiro's two hitter.

My point is this: It's June ... late June. Everyone's on the DL. This whole Snoop notion of getting everybody at-bats has to be thrown out the window. There's no better chance to get players at-bats who need them to stay sharp. Gary Sheffield's knee is barking now? Guess what ... time for Ryan Church (3-for-4 with a long double to left which would have been out at Shea) to play every day and be in the middle of the order and not force-feed Sheffield back into the lineup. There isn't going to be a better opportunity to get Murphy in a groove and find out if he can do this every day than from now until the All-Star break. And if Nick Evans is going to go gangbusters as he did all over Brad Thompson on Monday, then let's put the kid in left field and find out if he can play and keep Fernando Tatis nailed to the bench if he's going to keep hitting into double plays.

It seems so obvious when it comes to using a hot pitcher like Nieve, why isn't it that obvious when it comes to hitters? The best players left have to play, and the lineup tinkering should be shelved.

There ... now that that's off my chest, hey, the Mets won 11-0! Awesome.

To reiterate, it was on the strength of another great outing from Fernando Nieve. And you thought I wasted a post on somebody who wasn't going to make the major league roster ... HA!

Well, I expected Nieve to be a disaster, so what the hell do I know? I'm just a dumb blogger, and I'm sorry. And if Nieve does this ten more times, I will apologize ten more times.

"I was thinking too much when I was with the Astros. The first time it was when (Roger) Clemens signed. Now, I just think about doing my job." -Fernando Nieve

So it's Clemens' fault. Figures. Screw you, Roger.

No similar salutation for Adam Wainwright, who admitted after this video that he still loves us Met fans. Well that's nice, but don't patronize me. The one thing that would have made 11-0 even better would have been if it was off Wainwright.

Looks Like Bob Is Throwing Them Hard ... And Straight

In a world where nothing is ever as it seems, you can count on three things to be certain in life:

You will die.

You will pay taxes or go to jail avoiding them.

Pat Burrell will play a part in your demise.

And when Bobby Parnell is in the midst of a patch as rough as this, you can be sure that Burrell will be there to take advantage. Oh, he could be wearing a different uniform. He could have a goatee that makes him look like Richard Karn. He could be visiting your new ballpark instead of the old one that he liked to haunt for so long. But it doesn't matter ... because when you root for the Mets, you have no choice but to experience two of life's certainties rolled into one: Death by Burrell.

Burrell merely started the rally off of the slumping Parnell that B.J. Upton and Evan Longoria finished off in the seventh. But you knew he would be involved in some capacity. Parnell just proved the theory that pitches may be fast, but the straight ones go faster towards the wall.

And before we go all "oh great, the offense finally delivered and the pitching falls apart", let's remember that one run was scored on a wild pitch, one run was scored on a base hit by Mike Pelfrey, one run was scored on a fielder's choice by Gary Sheffield, and another three run dinger by Babe Schneider. Yeah, the runs count ... but how many of them were legit? How long is the public supposed to depend on wild pitches and base hits by pitchers and Schneider pretending he's some sort of slugger?

Did you realize, as I didn't until today, that Mets catchers have driven in more runs than any other group of catchers in the league? Seriously? Do they get, like, the William M. Jennings trophy for that? Oh, there's no award for that? Let's invent one:

"The Ron Hodges Trophy."

More telling is that the Mets have gotten more RBI from the catcher position than any other position. What that tells, and who it tells of, I don't know. But it can't be good. So how's about Omar Minaya work the phones and get an honest to goodness run producer before the Phillies realize they're not as bad as they've been this week. Just an idea.

(Editor's note: You know what will happen now, right? Omar will try to acquire Burrell ... and the next sound you'll hear will be Metstradamus banging his head against the wall.)

Nieve Colossal

Baseball really is full of surprises.

Of course, the surprises don't come any greater than what happened to Luis Castillo last night. But to see NYM 6 NYY 2 in the eighth inning, which is when I first caught it, in a game which Fernando Nieve dominated was a huge surprise.

Is it wrong that when I saw that score, that I was wondering how the Mets were going to blow it? More wrong than FOX interviewing Castillo after a game he had next to nothing to do with? Was I watching MLB on FOX, or Oprah?

If you remember, I was the one who decided, in my own snarky, obnoxious way, to make fun of another one of these "low risk/high reward" signings that Omar Minaya likes to treat us with. And here's another reason why I hate, despise that term: Throwing Fernando Nieve against the Yankees wasn't anything that I would call "low risk". Especially after what happened on Friday, that was less "low risk" and more "mission critical". And I had this marked for a loss.

And for the 5,498th time on this blog, I was wrong. I generally like when I'm wrong. That was an especially high risk start by Nieve, and it yielded high reward. Let me be wrong all season ... like I was wrong so far on Gary Sheffield, though the MRI tolls for thee. (Why not? Everyone else has one, what makes Sheffield so special?)

You know who else is wrong? You got it: Brian Bruney. Get a load of this, as Bruney talked about Friday night's disaster:

"Couldn't have happened to a better guy on the mound, either. He's got a tired act. He gets what he deserves, man. I just don't like watching the guy pitch. I think it's embarrassing ... You know what? I learned to play the game a different way, that's all I can say. You won't see me do that, the way he acts, you won't see that. But it doesn't matter. Guy's doing his job, he's had a great career, set the saves record. So it doesn't matter what I think. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that but, again, he doesn't know who I am, so it doesn't matter."

Don't worry Frankie, I'll be glad to fill you in on who Brian Bruney is. Brian Bruney is the guy who got a chance to pitch the ninth inning and close when he was a member of the Diamondbacks in '04 and '05, and let's just say he was less than stellar on multiple occasions. So even if he had a celebratory gesture, he rarely had a chance to use it.

Yeah Brian, I remember you. And from what I remember in Arizona, I didn't like watching you pitch.

And when you throw in the hypocrisy of Bruney playing on the same team as somebody who's own antics have come into question (during moments where said team is behind), then you have the perfect storm of please, if you would, shut up.

A Hank Size Hit, Baa!

Maybe the whole Jerod Morris/John Gonzalez thing was all an elaborate rouse to get Raul Ibanez mad enough to smack a Ken Takahashi pitch five miles over the right field fence to break the Mets hearts ... again ... in extra innings.

Nah, considering how much Takahashi missed his target by, Mary Poppins would have hit that pitch over the fence. So mad has nothing to do with it.

But jeez, you couldn't wait until next week to accuse Ibanez of enhancing his performance?

Oh, you wanted serious analysis. Well guess what? Got none. Gotta admit it's tough to ignore the three season trend of the Mets losing all these extra inning games where they have leads and then ... they don't, and attribute it to lack of heart and what not. You sure as hell could say it in '07. Last season was more the bullpen than anything. I can't explain year three. Yeah, blame Takahashi, but a Fernando Tatis sac bunt helped to do them in yesterday, and the lineup card helped to do them in tonight.

But losing two out of three to the Phillies in extra innings at home is a stark reminder that there's still a gap to be closed that seems wider than four games before the Mets can say they're on par with the Phillies. For me, that gap can be closed by getting some injured players back, but most of it can be closed by Omar Minaya and Snoop Manuel. We all know how Minaya can help close the gap. (Whether Minaya knows how to do it is anyone's guess. I guess a good start would have been signing Ibanez, but ... ah forget it. I can't tell you I saw this coming with a straight face either.)

As for Snoop, not for nothing, but isn't it about time we move David Wright (three hits on Thursday) past Gary Sheffield (three hits for the month) in the lineup? No? It's just another managerial decision that would have brought the Mets the fourth run on Thursday, as Wright would have knocked in Beltran in the third and given them the fourth run to prevent extra innings. I mean if you're going to put what is amounting to be an automatic out between Beltran and Wright, then just have the pitcher bat fourth.

Oh, speaking of the pitcher, guess who was put on the disabled list tonight? Thaaaaaat's right, John Maine. Yeah, just a dead arm, right? From the team that once let Mike DeJean pitch with a broken ankle. Different doctors, same misinformation. And on the very day that Orlando Hernandez finds work. Now which over 40 starter who's been out of the league for two years are the Mets going to turn to?

***

As you may have heard by now, a self described construction foreman has announced that he buried three Phillies jerseys in various spots underneath Citi Field while he was working for Hunt Construction. This of course brings to mind the David Ortiz jersey that was temporarily buried underneath the new Yankee Stadium (didn't seem to help Ortiz until this week).

Well, now is probably as good a time as any to admit to you that before I started this blog, I too worked for Hunt Construction while it was working on the Citizens Bank Park project, and I left some items underneath the Phillies' stadium. Here's just a partial list:

• 25 Mets jerseys (5 pinstriped, 5 gray, 5 white, 5 black, and 5 of those pink ones that the girls like to wear
• A Ty Wigginton t-shirt
• A hat signed by Timo Perez
• A set of used jockstraps worn by Jason Phillips
• Certificates of authenticity for each jockstrap worn by Jason Phillips
• Mustache clippings from Jeff Kent
• A home run ball off the bat of Raul Gonzalez (only five of which exist in the whole world)
• The deck of cards used by Bobby Bonilla and Rickey Henderson
• An empty jar of peanut butter signed by Tony Tarasco
• Bake McBride

No, seriously. Bake McBride is buried underneath Citizens Bank Park. Here's an exclusive photo:

I've also equipped each item with a tracking device which enables me to spot exactly where each item was buried. Using exclusive infrared technology I've mapped out the exact spots in the ballpark where you can find these items:

McBride actually moves around through the built in crawlspaces under the park, where he acquires sustenance from leftover cheesesteaks dropped through a pipe behind the Tony Luke's stand.

Needless to say, my efforts were fruitless. Maybe I should have used memorabilia from a higher grade of player. Oh well, you can dig if you want.

Ryan's Riddle

Besides the much needed bounce back win that the Mets got courtesy of Livan Hernandez (now with more upset stomach), was the triumphant return of Ryan Church, who went 2-5 with a run scored in the 7-0 win.

And now, with an off day to ponder, Snoop has a very interesting question to ask himself. With three lefties set to go this week against the Mets, it wouldn't look like an optimal situation for Ryan Church to get playing time. But can the Mets afford to put Church on the bench for three games and waste opportunities for Church to see live major league pitching for the first time in three weeks?

Better yet, can the Mets afford to put Church on the bench for one game? We know that Sheffield, if he was healthy and ten years younger (not necessarily in that order) would be a slam dunk to start these three games. And we know that the brass would prefer for Fernando Martinez to play as much as possible while he's in the major leagues. But this isn't a finishing school. This is a major league baseball team that has been starving for runs lately. Someone's going to have to sit.

If Snoop is serious in saying that if he had a doghouse that Ryan Church wouldn't be in it, then Church has to be in that lineup against J.A. Happ, against Cole Hamels, and against Jamie Moyer. Yeah, you risk sending him into a tailspin giving him a steady diet of lefties, but to me it's a bigger risk to sit him down. A lefty is going to have to be in that lineup anyway ... I'd prefer a veteran to a rookie hitting .200, no matter what his name is. And with Sheffield's health an issue, Martinez is going to play at least one game anyway if not two. (If I was a betting man, I'd say Sheffield was a shoo-in for the game that Hamels pitches.)

Riddle on that for two days ... and hope that Snoop can solve it by then.

Swine Flies When You're Having Fun

So not only do the Mets have to deal with the conventional injuries like broken fingers and balky lower hamstrings, they have a stomach virus circling the team, and possible swine flu among their television personnel.

You know, between that and the woman that supposedly contracted swine flu at Citi Field, this would be a perfect time to scrub down the ballpark and sanitize it. But I guess they only consider doing that for autographs.

Now the word is that Carlos Beltran's stomach issues might be due to an ulcer. After J.J. Putz's meltdown, and the latest Pittsburgh debacle on Tuesday night where a depleted lineup couldn't bail out Johan Santana, who doesn't have an ulcer these days?

It was Nate McLouth that drove in the game winning run on Tuesday, and it drew a very interesting reaction:

Yup, you know him. And he knows baseball.

Gangsta Roulette

Did you have the same feeling I did when you saw the starting lineup today? Did you have the feeling that a lineup with Wilson Valdez, Angel Pagan, and Ramon Martinez vs. Josh Johnson combined with Tim Redding on the hill basically meant that your Saturday of baseball was going to be a complete waste of time? Well guess what? It was.

It's not like the regular lineup ever does anything against Johnson anyway, and players need their rest, so why the heck not? I was more disturbed at the revelation that Snoop Manuel is going to rest Gary Sheffield twice a week to keep him fresh. This means that if you Mapquest the route to the end of the 2009 season, it will inevitably take a left on Moises Alou Ave.

I was also disturbed by the image of David Wright getting ready to pinch hit in the ninth by licking his bat. Besides the fact that it's a disgusting image, I don't want to root for the first franchise in baseball history to put a player on the disabled list with tongue splinters (it will probably be listed as "fragments in the mouth muscle".)

But what I'll take away from this game was Ron Darling glowing about how special this Omir Santos run has been by saying that in five years, you're going to be wondering what the name of that guy was that had the quick start and hit the home run off Papelbon and was on fire for two months. What Darling is saying is that this run which sent Fluff Castro out of town is magical ... and that Santos will be managing a KFC franchise in five years.

Author! Author!

It was noted during a recent Mets game that somebody was writing a book about the bizarre game that took place on July 4th of '85. Surely you remember it as the 19 inning debacle that ended near 4AM down in Atlanta.

If I were to write a book about a particular baseball game, I might choose Livan Hernandez's complete game from Monday night.

Seriously.

First off, all the really good and important games are probably taken by established (good) writers. Second, there were so many layers to this seemingly run of the mill 6-1 victory that it fascinated my warped mind. It's like an onion that only makes you cry if you're a Nationals fan. For example: You might have been all jazzed up about the debut of one Fernando Martinez. But I was greeted by the news that the Mets had traded for Wilson Valdez! OMG! Wilson Valdez!!! I've gotta get on the horn and call 718-507-TIXX! Our savior is here! Wilson Valdez!!!

Then I asked, who the hell is Wilson Valdez?

A healthy shortstop? Good enough. I'll take it and be excited about it.

Of course, the news wasn't so much that we have Valdez and Martinez, but that Jose Reyes and Ryan Church actually made their way to the disabled list. Omar Minaya doing right by the roster is a huge twist in the plot, and a breath of fresh air for Snoop Manuel. And ... Wilson Valdez! The cynic in you might say that your hopes for a new shortstop were low (a decent fielding .200 hitter in the majors) and that they weren't even met (a decent fielding .110 hitter in AAA). But a shortstop who doesn't have an issue with a bum calf or a torn thumb or a freaking hernia is at a premium here these days. So, I choose to be excited for Wilson Valdez.

But I'm burying the lead here ... which is the debut of Fernando Martinez, who went 0 for 3 with an RBI fielders choice on Monday. Certainly an inauspicious beginning for the jewel of the minor leagues. But his first major league RBI is nothing to sneeze at. (I will say this: We've gotta find a halfway decent nickname for this guy. Putting aside the increasingly lazy way we come up with nicknames these days: First initial of first name, first part of last name, like A-Rod, "F-Mart" sounds like an obscene grocery store. "Welcome to F-Mart ... Where You Can Go F&*k Yourself!")

It is strange that in a game that a great hitting prospect makes his debut, a pitcher gets his first major league hit. But Craig Stammen's single ended in a putout of home, so Stammen might be the first player to get his first ever hit and not get to keep the ball. Seriously, how often does this happen?

Furthermore, how often is there a game where beanballs are traded (Jason Bergmann hits Fernando Tatis after Gary Sheffield's game deciding home run during a case of wildness, and Livan hits Justin Maxwell in what may or may not have been retaliation), and noted hothead Julian Tavarez isn't involved? And he was in the game not long after that? Now seriously, how often does that happen?

Of course, the focus would be Livan and his complete game which is the very reason the Mets got him ... to give a breather to the bullpen every now and again. He's done it two straight ... with a seven inning effort against L.A., and the CG on Monday night. Put that against the backdrop of Ryan Zimmerman's on-base streak, which was at 43 games before he ran into Livan (another layer for the book). Now put that against the backdrop of Oliver Perez. At the same time Hernandez was chugging along, Oliver was showing the fans of Buffalo what they've been missing with the big club ... namely: 5 walks in four and a third innings against the likes of Pablo Ozuna.

Instead, the Mets got Hernandez's 127 pitch outing, and the revelation after the game that he's a thinker. The thoughts that went through his head pitching against the Nationals lineup is enough for a book all on it's own.

Hopefully, the book I eventually do write will be better than the piece of unmitigated crap I just pitched to America. But speaking of pitches, I pitch to you some post game analysis from yours truly tomorrow on NY Sportstalk Live between 9-11 on Wednesday night (most likely soon after the ball game). It's like a bonus blog.

Suspending Your Belief

Here's a pet peeve of mine: When a story on the news is teased with "you're not going to believe this". Happens all the time, and it kills me every time. On Monday night, it was Kirk Gimenez's turn to use the ultimate tease, as in: "News about Carlos Beltran's knee that you will not believe."

Usually when someone on television says: "You're not going to believe what ... or where ... or why", the information usually turns out to be quite ordinary and can only hit "limp" on the "Unbelievable" scale. Here a tip for you news teasers: Unless Carlos Beltran's knee is:

• a member of the Taliban
• selling military secrets to New Zealand, or
• dating Lauren Conrad

chances are I would probably believe it.

Turns out the news was that Beltran's knee, which was already sore, was going to be the subject of a Tuesday MRI. Why wouldn't I believe that? With all of the Mets that have been a part of the M*A*S*H unit this season, of course I'd believe it. Nothing surprises me anymore with any injuries whatsoever. The only surprise would be if the MRI showed a tear or a snap caused by stress, or perhaps gremlins, and the Mets actually did the prudent thing and put him on the disabled list. I think Omar Minaya wants to see if Snoop Manuel can win a game with seven players. That would be a tough trick ... even against the Nationals.

The tougher trick would be to win against the Nationals with the bullpen unable to find the plate with a GPS device. But turn that trick they did, with the help of some more video replay goodness on Gary Sheffield's deciding three run HR (see kids, technology is your friend.) The bullpen gave six free passes in the final three innings, including three by Bobby Parnell. But they slogged through and helped preserve John Maine's nice outing (six innings, four hits, three walks, one run).

On Tuesday, it's Livan Hernandez against his old team. Will he continue his halfway decent season? Will he implode? Will the game be played under playground rules, where all the fielders are on the left side of the field except for the first baseman due to all the Mets injuries?

Chances are, whatever happens, you're going to believe it.

Bearded

First, the good news: The Mets at least bounced back with a little fight after Monday night's brutal loss ... which is very much unlike the last time they needed to bounce back from a bad loss.

The bad news? Of course they still lost.

I was looking more beyond the result, which was sealed by Casey Blake and his gargantuan, yet gritty beard (gee, maybe if Carlos Beltran grew a beard that was a gritty as Casey Blake's beard, then Steve Phillips would think that Beltran was the perfect ballplayer). I was looking to see what the lineup looked like tonight. If Ryan Church had a seat on the bench, then it would have been likely that he had seen his last game as a New York Met.

But he was in the lineup tonight, and batting fifth no less. But once our SNY friends explained that Gary Sheffield was feeling a little under the weather, I can't conclude whether Church got the vote of confidence from Snoop Manuel, or there was just no other choice but to play Church. After all, if Ramon Martinez is getting playing time straight off the plane, things must really be bad (unless of course, Ramon is Snoop's latest man crush.)

Of course, both Snoop and Ryan say that there's no doghouse.

"I don't have a rift with anyone on the team ... I don't know why people think I have a deal with Ryan Church -- I really don't. I don't have a problem with Ryan. Not at all. I like to egg him on and mess with him a little bit like I do with everybody, but I love to see Ryan every day. He comes to the park every day early. I love to see Ryan Church." -Snoop

"You want somebody on you. You take it as a positive thing. His door is always open. He's one of those guys, he's approachable if you ever have something wrong. That's the thing -- I don't read too much into this stuff. People are yelling stuff in the stands -- 'doghouse!' -- that kind of thing. But they're not here, they're not around me, seeing what the relationship is." -Ryan

Well, that would normally convince me. Except that Ryan Church's doghouse was just featured on MTV Cribs.

If you'd like to hear my recap of the MTV Cribs episode featuring Ryan Church's doghouse, please do join us here on Wednesday for Sportstalk NY Live between 9:00-11:00 PM, where I will provide keen insight for about ten minutes (that's all the b.s. I can muster in a whole week).

Our Crumbling House

So with J.J. Putz developing a bone spur and fixing to be out for a couple of games, and Carlos Delgado perhaps being out anywhere from this weekend to ... forever, this is going to really test Omar Minaya's ability to put together a 25-man roster.

So who's scared?

When Delgado was day-to-day, I was against putting Daniel Murphy at first base. If you're going to have Murph play there all season, then give him every opportunity to learn the position. But if we're talking months for Delgado? Then by all means put Murphy at first, Tatis in left, Church in right, and have Sheffield as your bench pop (not your cleanup hitter/regular left fielder as he seems to be now ... seems that someone is thinking it's 1999, and not 2009.)

But whatever you do the fact remains, this team is thin. Delgado is out with his bone spur in his hip (can we put him on the DL already), Putz is out with a bone spur (at least now there's a reason for his struggles) and even Reyes missed Thursday's game with a bone spur he developed in his brain on Wednesday. The Mets call it a "tight calf", but come on, that could be another created injury which is code for "we're benching you because of a foggy brain but we're not going to embarrass you" (with the discovery of new injuries left and right, I think we're talking Nobel Prize in inventive medicine for the training staff.)

Thankfully, the Mets were able to survive Bobby Parnell's shaky foray into the eighth inning (albeit while being dinked and dunked), and Sheffield was able to survive stealing third base (seriously, he's old ... every stolen base could be his last act in baseball) with three runs in the ninth and a 7-4 win against the Giants. I don't know what lucky shamrock Carlos Beltran is carrying, but once again he stole third in more ways than one setting up the go ahead run in the ninth (Larry Jones is currently petitioning the league office for more competent baseball gods), driven in by David Wright who, apparently, just needed to get away from New York for a while as he not only drove in the winner but stole four bases.

Good catches by both announcers tonight. Gary Cohen, for noting that the Mets set a team record for most steals in a game without Reyes. And by Keith Hernandez who, while discussing a mutual sponsor of the Mets and Giants noted: "Speaking of sponsors, Fran Healy was the catcher in that old Willie Mays highlight."

Thank you Keith, for reminding us how much Fran Healy loved sponsors, and how amazing it is that I didn't throw paperweights through the television set while Healy was pitching Cheez Doodles and Optimo Cigars for all those years.

Hey, where's Oliver?

Seems that rehab took a sad turn as Oliver Perez was eliminated from American Idol on Thursday night.