Nellie The Phillie

Who knows how useful Nelson Figueroa will be to the Phillies now that they've claimed him off waivers. I don't think anybody will pretend that Figueroa is immediately going to go 10-2 and start the All-Star game.

But to me, you can put it on guaranteed lock that the night the Mets are one game away from elimination, the Phillies will be on the schedule. And Nellie will start that game. And he'll summon every lord of baseball available in heaven to conjure up the greatest start of his career. And then he'll sign autographs for every one of the 43,647 in attendance in Philadelphia. And meanwhile, back in Queens, there will be a torch and a pitchfork for every Figueroa autograph signed that night at Omar Minaya's door demanding his head.

Melodramatic? Probably. But did ya think last April that Pedro Martinez was going to be the chosen one to deliver the final blow to the Mets last season? Did ya? Because you know ... deep down you know ... that if the Mets are going to be eliminated this season, they will do so in the most twisted plot available to them. Whatever puts the biggest smile on John Kruk's face, that'll be the open flame to burn the Mets. It's that simple.

Nelson Figueroa, hero to those young and old during his time in New York, now carries that flame. For Philadelphia.

Maybe This Is What The Mayans Meant

If the Mayan calendar holds true, and we're due for a fundamental change in 2012, maybe this was the first sign. Maybe the hints that Bud Selig is planning to retire after the 2012 season is the first hint that maybe the change that the Mayans meant was going to happen in major league baseball.

Sure, the Mayans had never heard of major league baseball, the World Series, or performance enhancing drugs. But perhaps the guy who filled out the calendar looked eerily like Armando Benitez, and maybe he just got up for a mental break and forgot to finish (sounds like Game 1 in 2000, doesn't it?) So perhaps you, the Met fan, have some real fundamental change to look forward to in 2012 and beyond.

Maybe the world is due for a change ... so much so that there will no longer be World Series games in November (don't hold your breath), or WBC games in March, or Chip Caray broadcasting games on TBS. Heck, that last thing has already happened, so maybe that fundamental change we all could use is seriously going to happen. Maybe the Mayans were truly ahead of their time.

Or maybe the guy filling out the calendar way back when looked eerily like Armando Benitez and he just forgot to finish after getting up for a piece of cake. Sounds like Game 1 in 2000, doesn't it?

Most likely, if this is a harbinger of serious Mayan change, then a series of cataclysmic events will precede it. You could say that the entire 2009 season was that series all rolled into one season, but that would be too easy. More likely, 2009 only counts as one event, just as 2007 and 2008 were singular events. And the events keep coming. Think about it: Wilson Valdez and Brian Schneider are now both members of the Philadelphia Phillies. They ranged from barely irrelevant to seriously overrated here ... but as Phillies? Schneider is destined to hit 12 HR's in a part time role in the Shoebox, while Valdez is bound by fate to be the one to officially knock the Mets out of the postseason conversation. Just as Pedro started the trend last season, Valdez will continue that tradition.

Or will it be Billy Wagner? Country time heading to the Braves certainly counts as a cataclysmic event. I mean, who saw this coming? Especially with the Braves having offered arbitration to Mike Gonzalez and Rafael Soriano ... they could have a three headed bullpen monster!

Not that it worked out so well in Flushing, mind you.

But Country Time as Cataclysmic Event lies in the fact that the Mets could have gotten those high draft picks by just holding on to Wagner and offering him arbitration, just as the Braves did. Instead, they traded him for 27-year-old Chris Carter (all he does is score touchdowns ... uh-oh) and let the Red Sox get those draft picks. But they saved $3 million which, after two of those million go to Alex Cora, will be spent on new uniforms that look like they need Tide, and a picture of Todd Pratt in the excelsior level. So I guess it all evens out.

And speaking of that bullpen monster, one of the heads that has been cut off might resurface in Philadelphia in the form of J.J. Putz. Ironically, cutting off Putz's head was the next course of action if the cortisone shot didn't work. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed and Putz was instead placed on the disabled list. But rest assured that a cortisone shot will not be on the menu for Putz in Philly. A cheesesteak? Maybe. The closer's job? If Brad Lidge cooperates, sure. And why not a game in September where Schneider hits a grand slam, Valdez gets a game winning hit, and Putz strikes out the side in the ninth to eliminate the Mets?

All foretold by the Mayans.

But maybe when it's all said and done, we'll live in a world where the Mets will acquire marginally iconic Philadelphia Phillies and steal their slogans as the Phillies brazenly did with Tug McGraw. Hey, we've got 33-year-old rookie turned 37-year-old Mendoza line hitter Chris Coste. Best case scenario, his inspirational story continues here, he gets a couple of big hits down the stretch, and John Kruk gets to write the forward to his second book.

Mets case scenario, he's cut in spring training because the club signs Bengie Molina, who will set fire to his hamstring in a freak pre-game ritual will be out for the season. And we'll indeed have to wait until 2012 for significant change in baseball, in Flushing, in life. But don't hold your breath.

Freakin' Mayans.

My Gritty Attempt At a World Series Preview

Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking. "A stupid Mets fan previewing the World Series. Why should I even read it? He's going to pick the Rays and explain why to try to comfort his team's wounded fan base and tell them not to worry because the Rays are better ... well screw him! Go Phillies! Ya Gotta Believe because, well you know ... Why Can't Us? Rays are teh suxor Go Phillies!!!!!!1111!!!!!"

And that was just from John Kruk.

Avg. John Kruk IQ=37
Can you beat that score?

Well, Kruk did pick the Phillies to win this series (along with his cohort Steve Phillips), and that tells me that this is a great time to help combat a bad economy and bet your house and your life savings on the Tampa Bay Rays. I mean, if those two are picking the Phillies, that makes the Rays as close to a mortal lock as you can get, no?

I'd leave it at that, except that I now find out that Peter Gammons has also picked the Phillies ... and that worries me because who doesn't like and respect Peter Gammons? So I'm going to step out of my Metstradamus persona, just for a moment, and be an outside observer who has watched more playoff baseball this season than any Met fan should have to endure (I knew all of you wouldn't, so someone had to. I took your bullet ... I took all your bullets.)

Here's the series from my perspective: Look, people who are picking the Phillies point to the bullpens. Yes, overall the Phils have a stronger bullpen right now due to the struggles of Grant Balfour and our old friend Dan Wheeler. Fair. But, for the Rays to be successful in the late innings, it's the lefties that are going to be successful for the Rays to win, and not necessarily the righties. And for the Rays, the lefthanders are pitching some great ball between J.P. Howell (whom I would love to be a Met next year but I know isn't going to happen so don't even get your hopes up kids) and former numero uno draft pick David Price.

People will point to the Game 5 debacle as to why the Rays can't possibly win this series. I point to that game as the reason they will win this series. What Joe Maddon learned during Game 5 is that he blew it not having lefties available to pitch to David Ortiz in the 7th inning of that game (he homered off Balfour) and J.D. Drew in the 8th (he homered off Wheeler), while having Price stuck in his holster. Maddon realized that if Price is on the postseason roster, why not use him ... especially with the 96 mph stuff he has? So in comes Price to close out the ALCS and now the entire planet will realize just how good Price is. He may not be the official closer this series, but if the lineup turns over to Utley, Burrell, Howard in the ninth, you'll see either Price or J.P. Howell ... and Wheeler will save the games where the ninth inning features Pedro Feliz, Carlos Ruiz, and the like. It'll be the quality lefties that will force Charlie Manuel to either empty his bench earlier than he wants to, or be forced to hit Matt Stairs and Greg Dobbs to hit against the Howells and the Prices of the world.

Look at that smirk to your right. Men with smirks that pronounced really outgha be punched. (Boy, Metstradamus ... you've had violent tendencies lately, what's up with that?)

But here's fact: If the Phillies are to have any chance in this series, Cole Hamels needs to pitch three times. As of right now, Hamels is only slated to go in Games 1 and 5. Okay, if you want to flirt with disaster. Because let's lay it out in a nutshell: Cole Hamels is a straight beast. He's their best starter by about 3.5 miles. To not have him available in a Game 7 is murderous especially when you consider how the matchups play out.

Right now, Met-hater Brett Myers is due to pitch in Games 2 and 6 in Tampa. During the playoffs, Myers has been a cult hero for outdueling CC Sabathia, and morphing into Mike Schmidt against the Dodgers. But those games were in Philadelphia. Myers will have to pitch two games on the road where he has a 6.21 ERA and a 1.61 WHIP in 16 road starts this season. To be fair, most of that non-success came before his month long odyssey to find himself in the minors, but even career wise there's a spike in Myers' ERA, WHIP, and opponents average on the road as opposed to home.

I have a feeling that if the Phils find themselves down 2-1 headed into Game 4, they may rethink this and go with Hamels on Sunday. If that happens, we've got a series. But there's a reason that teams with more rest heading into the Series get crushed: Baseball is a game of timing. It's not like football which is a game which is as much about brute strength and force as it is about timing ... that's why top seeds in the NFL have a huge advantage coming off a bye week ... it's essential to be more rested in a game where bumps and bruises are a way of life.

That advantage doesn't exist in baseball, which relies on routine and regular work. The Phillies will head into the Series on six days rest, and now all of a sudden they get thrown into action against Scott Kazmir?

(Pauses to mutter a silent curse under his breath towards Jim Duquette regarding Kazmir.)

Take for example Ryan Howard, who hit a quiet .300 during the LCS, and who is a notoriously slow starter. Now you're asking him to face Scott Kazmir cold. Not an optimal situation for a guy who the Phillies really need to step up.

So my official prediction is Rays in 6. And now I step back into my persona to tell Mets fans that after reading that, it really is okay to come out from your hiding place. It's not going to get any worse. The Curse of William Penn will live on. So it's safe to find seats on the Rays bandwagon (preferably seats that keep us out of the way so that the real Rays fans continue to get prime viewing areas) and watch the Series. And if Rays fans have a problem with that, all I can say is that hey, you owe us one.

After all, we did provide you Kazmir in exchange for a tuna fish sandwich.

Weather Is Not To Be Trusted

"I don't trust the weather," Manuel said. "Everybody says it's going to rain and then the sun is shining. I'm telling you we're playing tomorrow." -Jerry Manuel on Friday night

Dear Jerry,

Mother Nature wanted me to respectively remind you that you shouldn't mess with her.

Love,

Hanna

(Editor's note: Mother Nature has some sense of humor ... how would you feel if you bought a ticket to see a Sunday afternoon game, then had your plans changed to see a Sunday night game, and there wound up being a Sunday afternoon game anyway? I don't know what John Kruk has to do with this but gosh darn it I'm not going to rest before I found out.)

World Still Spins On Its Axis As John Kruk Picks Mets To Finish Third

I guess the season can start now that John Kruk has become this season's Steve Phillips and has picked the Mets to finish third in the N.L. East during Friday's win against the Indians.

Will somebody tell baseball's Travelocity Gnome that the Braves have two starters over 40, and one starter who just had his 213th injury in the last two years?

And will someone tell him that Mike Pelfrey's astrological chart is foretelling a big season from him? Sheesh.

And ... AND! Somebody tell Krukkie that the Mets are feverishly trying to re-acquire Xavier Nady, or go get Marcus Thames at the low low price of Jorge Sosa and some Planters Sweet N' Crunchy Peanuts? Because forget Santana ... If the Mets get X-Man back, it's over. Do you hear me Kruk? Kruk! KRUUUUUUUUUK!!!

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

Oh never mind. I'm sick of arguing. Have another beer.

Quite Frankly...

You know how you tease, kick, and mess with your little brother to no end because you can? But heaven forbid somebody else picks on him you get pissed and beat the ever lovin' snot out of him? He's my brother. Only I can tease him about his wavy hair, or his flood pants, or his velvet green jacket. If you tease my brother, you better at least be around often enough to buy him gum or take him to the arcade or something.

Well, the Mets are like a little brother to me. They're kind of like our little brothers. We can tease and punch and kick them all we want because we love our little brother about his bullpen, his stadium, or his crazy dances. But he who teases them without being around to support them will feel the wrath of the big brother.

Certainly, we've seen and heard enough from the national baseball pulpits and the local media with axes to grind. But when Stephen A. Smith decided to throw his stone at the Mets all the way from the annals of the NBA, well that's how you know that this has gotten way out of hand.

Stephen A. Smith is dogging the Mets? What, Kobe Bryant hasn't demanded a trade in the last ten minutes and he's bored?

The premise of his article was basically this: "Hey, the Phillies stink. But the Mets stink worse. So why can't the Phillies win the division?" I'll tell you why. Because while we're busy beating the Pirates and Nationals 5 of 6, the Phillies are splitting with those same teams. Because while John Maine and Oliver Perez are struggling at the moment, and while they may not be the most established pitchers out there, would Stephen A. Smith take Kyle Lohse over either of them? Would you?

If Tom Glavine is ancient, what does that make Jamie Moyer? Spry?

So who's next to take a swing at the Mets? Does Merrill Hoge want a piece? Perhaps Tommy Smith wants to say that the Mets are going to exit in the first round. Or maybe Carson Daly wants to tell us that the Mets farm system is weak.

Seriously folks. It's bad enough when baseball people take shots at the Mets because at least they're paid to watch baseball (although taking into account some of the things that come out of their mouths, it's debatable how much baseball they actually watch...or whether they're actually watching it with their eyes.) But when columnists better known for basketball start taking shots at the Mets, it gets beyond baffling.

It's partly the Mets fault for losing games in the fashion that they have lately...the rip your heart variety that this franchise has been known for. And it's partly our fault for turning every bad loss into Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. Met fans do have a tendency to go a little bit overboard. But that's the point. Met fans have every right to go overboard. Met fans live, die, and go to purgatory (winters only) with this team.

I wonder what Stephen A. has to say after this weekend's action...as while the Mets were busy sweeping the Nationals, the Phillies were losing two out of three to the Pirates. How much did we lose it after Thursday's disaster? Okay. Double it. That's what Phillies fans should be feeling at this moment. But as long as Stephen A. is telling them that the Mets stink worse than that, and as long as John Kruk is going on television and telling us that nobody in the N.L. East is starting to pull away...as the Mets go up five games on the field with less than fifty games to go...than why should they feel anything but confident? They're still the best team on paper, the Phillies...right?

I'm willing to put it on the line and say that finally, this may be the beginning of the run that the Mets have been hoping for. Something was different about the Mets this weekend. Seeing Luis Castillo clapping like a madman while traveling the bases with the go ahead run is starting to make me think that the fire might be back in the Mets' bellies. Seeing the rest of the team follow suit is heartening as well. Seeing Orlando Hernandez stalk the bench after pitching seven sweet innings and talk up everybody from the bench coaches to the peanut vendors showed me something (and kinda scared me a bit too, but in a good way.) And you know that Carlos Beltran hitting two home runs doesn't hurt as well.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hasty in proclaiming that. After all, Jake Peavy and Chris Young await the Mets at Shea this week, while the Phillies host the slumping Dodgers (and miss Brad Penny in the process), and the Braves visit the fairly terrible Cincinnati Reds, followed by the Cardinals. So it's a good thing that the Mets have that five game cushion to play with going into this week. But the way they shook off Thursday by dispatching of the Nationals makes me think that this coming week may not bring the doom that Stephen A. is probably expecting right now.

Damn These Braves And Their Sunday Uniforms

Yeah, the crack staff couldn't come up with a more original title for you today. We all know that it isn't the Sunday uniforms, heck we've already lost to the Braves in their Monday-Saturday uniforms. But one would hope that if the Braves were to lose often enough in these things that look like Luden's Cherry cough drops, that they would stop wearing these loud things and burn the retinas of the entire city of Atlanta.

Ah, but these Braves fans wear rose colored glasses to lessen the effects of these stop sign uniforms, and unfortunately they enjoyed what they saw today, which was a 3-2 Mets loss at the Ted.

Deep down we knew. We knew that it wasn't going to be as easy as coming in to Atlanta, winning three straight, eating their food, dancing with their wives, and having Braves fans turn in their Sunday red jerseys and follow Jose Reyes to the home opener in New York like rats following the pied piper. Sure we were hoping for that. But deep down, with the changes that the Braves made to their bullpen (and the changes that were made to ours that were out of the Mets' control), that it wasn't going to be easy.

And we knew that the breakneck pace of the Mets offense couldn't last forever. After all, Jose Reyes can only do so much, finding a way to get on third base seemingly every trip to the plate. Somebody is going to have to drive him in. On Sunday, the Mets couldn't do it. Hence, two runs and no more. The Braves were one run better because Aaron Heilman couldn't find a way to get Jeff Francoeur, who's been known to swing at flying peanuts in the stands, out.

The Mets are in the midst of nine games which were labeled as tough. They're 4 up and 2 down so far. And guess who makes their way to Shea for the final three "tough games"? Yes, that would be the Philadelphia Phillies who, according to John Kruk, Steve Phillips, and Kevin Kennedy, are God's team. (Yes gentlemen, I'm like Evil Claus this season...I'm keeping track of who's naughty and who's nice.) The Phillies are 1-5, and are a Nationals team away from holding up the division. And that brings me to an e-mail I received from a fan who was touched by crime, and is making a connection to the Phillies:

"As a soothsayer and a talented hater, you are probably used to people coming to you with personal problems. Confident in this, I decided to let you know that my sister's car was recently stolen in downtown Philadelphia. Am I correct that this can and should be directed into hatred for the Phillies? Is it appropriate for me to encourage her to picture Chase Utley with a slim jim down her driver's side window? Cole Hamels piling into the passenger's seat for a joyride? Shane Victorino in the back, trying to talk Utley into doing burnouts in front of cops?" -B.K.

You're more correct than you know, B.K. As I was going through my Cold Case starter kit the other day, I came across a surveillance photo that was forwarded to me from one of my many moles. Turns out you're sister's car was stolen by members of the Phillies, but not who you might think. How do you think Aaron Rowand earned a living while he was out with his broken face?

As you can plainly see, Rowand is armed and dangerous with his sidekick Pat Burrell, as he does on most sliders on the inner half of the strike zone, acting as the lookout. Even with this evidence, your sister is going to have a hard time getting the charges to stick in the city of Philadelphia.

They're telling us that parking is going to be scarce at Shea Stadium for Monday's home opener. But what they're not telling you is the danger of having various members of the Phillies scour the parking lot looking for cars to jack. So remember that if you absolutely cannot take mass transit to Shea and must drive, use The Club as it is always the best deterrent to car theft by Aaron Rowand.

Happy Opening Day, y'all.

Your 2007 N.L. East Preview: New York Mets

You know, I didn't plan this out very well.

Everything I would probably say in this space I've already said here, here, here, and here. Now what am I going to talk about for five odd paragraphs or 400 words in this Mets preview?

No wonder I wasn't included in that Sports Illustrated poll...it's because your blogger is a moron!!!

You know, I was in Philadelphia last year and...

All right, seriously. Let's summarize. When you're in New York, everything is magnified...including and especially your flaws. So the Mets rotation is a famous flaw that I don't believe will be in play as much as others do. But every team in the National League is flawed. The Braves lack lineup depth. The Phillies lack a bullpen. The Marlins lack experience, and the Nationals lack a starting rotation. So everyone is flawed. The Mets though have more makeup to cover up their flaws than any other team in the division. So while the Nationals come into 2007 lookin' like a hockey player, the Mets can make themselves look like a hockey player's girlfriend.

Somebody commented on this site not long ago (I can't remember when or where, and I think it was one of those anonymous characters), and allow me to paraphrase but it went something like "Metstradamus is going to come on here before the 2007 season and predict that the Mets are going to win the division, but so what! It's the rest of the league that has improved and it's what you do in the playoffs that count" (and then he spewed some stuff about free range chicken, the Geneva convention and Kelly Clarkson...if I remember correctly).

Well with apologies to Steve Martin, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Yeah I am predicting them to win the division. But there's no "so what" involved here. To hear the majority of the baseball community tell it, the Mets don't get the benefit of the doubt known as "they're the champs until somebody beats them". Just as many people are picking Atlanta and Philadelphia (Gary Thorne, Steve Phillips, and John Kruk, for example) than there are picking the Mets (Ken Rosenthal on the Joe Beningo and the Other Guy Midday show). So you can't have it both ways.

(Oh, about the rest of the league: if we have to worry about them in October, then that means that there will actually be baseball in October so I'll worry about them then, thanks. And let's get something straight: the Giants are old, the Cardinals have Braden Looper starting, and for all the Soriano hype floating around, the best pitcher the Cubs signed this off-season is Jeff Samardzija. So I'll worry about the Dodgers later.)

This is going to be an interesting season. Obviously, the Mets are going to have to get through the first 50 games without Guillermo Mota and see where they are. In fact, the first nine games are going to tell a lot about where this team is headed with games against the Cardinals, Braves, and Phillies. I can't wait to see the jarring change in fans as we're going from ho-humming our way through another spring training to starting the season against the three most hated rivals of the distant past, recent past, and present. Why not just schedule the Yankees on April 12th so we can all check into the hospital for mental exhaustion two weeks into the season?

But it's going to be a horse race this season, and not Secretariat in the 1973 Belmont Stakes like 2006 was...more like Empire Maker winning in 2003 and getting booed for ending Funny Cide's run to the triple crown. It truly is different to be the hunted and not the hunter. We'll find that out early this season. But even if ailing troops like Filthy and Pedro never get healthy (which I'm not counting on), the Mets should have enough hitting and pitching (yes, pitching) to pull away down the homestretch and have a comfortable lead in September to win their second division in a row.

Then the fun will truly begin.

Prediction: First place, 91-71

Your 2007 N.L. East Preview: Philadelphia Phillies

Memo to Jimmy Rollins: Print this post.

Because maybe if it's on paper, it'll read that you're the favorites to win the division.

The Phillies are the chic, trendy pick to win the N.L. East this season. Now when I think chic and trendy, I don't think of a guy eating a cheesesteak from Tony Luke's with Cheez Wiz dripping down the corner of his mouth to his chin, finally settling on the second "L" on his Aaron Rowand "Phillies" jersey. But yes, picking the Phillies have become as trendy as chai tea and half caf lattes at Starbucks.

It probably has to do with America's love affair with Ryan Howard and Chase Utley. It's merited. Chase Utley had a hitting streak of 35 games last season (snapped by the Mets in early August), and hit .309 in the three hole last season. Howard? He's a beast. Batting average: .313...OBP: .425...58 HR's and 149 RBI's are just monstrous numbers.

Yikes!

Jimmy Rollins, unfortunately for Mets fans, has the talent to match his bravado, hitting a decent .277 from the leadoff spot, with 25 HR's. The starting pitching is plentiful in Philadelphia, as there are six decent starters to choose from (a problem the Mets wish they had). And Aaron Rowand provides a heart and soul guy not seen in Philly since the days of Lenny Dykstra (yeah, that Lenny Dykstra).

But I'm about to lay the smack down as to why the Philadelphia Phillies will not only not win the division, but why they aren't even going to contend for the wild card...my top 10 reasons why the Phillies will come up empty:

1. The Bullpen: They got away with one last year. By all rights and purposes, Tom Gordon should have been reduced to fossil status last season. By the end of the year, he almost was...check out his ERA by month: 0.84, 2.19, 2.70, 4.63, 9.64 (in 4.2 August innings), and 3.60 in September. WHIP: 0.84, 1.05, 1.10, 1.63, 1.50, and 1.60. Batting average against: .114, .213, .229, .288, .263, .282. And outside of Ryan Madson, the names that Charlie Manuel has to choose from for middle relief don't exactly strike fear in my heart. Antonio Alfonseca? Holy extra digit, Batman! And do you realize that at press time, Matt Smith is the only lefthander in the Phils' pen?


2. The Starters: Let's not make these guys out to be the Glavine, Smoltz, Maddux, and Avery of their time. Cole Hamels is studly, but may very well have a sophomore jinx tagged on him (I doubt it...but it is a possibility). The Met hating Brett Myers is good as long as he hits the strike zone as well as he hits his...(come on, you know where I'm going with that, right?) Freddy Garcia was a good pickup, but is he going to keep the ball in the yard (little known fact: Citizens Bank Park is the size of your average suburban backyard)? Is he going to stay healthy? Is his fastball ever going to rise above 85 mph? And how come we have to hear Julio Franco jokes from the peanut gallery known as the national baseball media, yet Jamie Moyer is simply known as crafty? He's old! Not quite as useless as Julio on the field, but almost as old. Adam Eaton, mark my words, will turn out to be the biggest waste of free agent dollars in the 2007 season. It's going to haunt the Phillies if this is the guy that causes Jon Lieber to be traded somewhere.


3. Pat Burrell: Burrell's numbers aren't bad as a whole (25HR's, 95 RBI's). But his .258 average and 131 K's are not what you want protecting Ryan Howard. You want more damning stats? RISP in 2006: .222 in 153 AB's. RISP with two outs: .167 in 78 at bats. Bases loaded: .240 with 17 RBI's in 25 at bats. These numbers are bound to hover around that area or worse considering that the Phillies have been trying to trade him all winter...and that the Phillies "faithful" have made Burrell their official whipping boy, as detailed by me here.


4. Charlie Manuel: Look at the managers in the National League east for a second. You have Manny Acta in Washington, Fredi Gonzalez in Florida, Bobby Cox in Atlanta, Willie Randolph here in New York, and Manuel. If you had to pick one manager to potentially have rumors of an in-season firing surrounding him who would you pick? Who would you pick if you had to lay $100 bucks on it? Acta? With the lack of talent surrounding him that would be cruel. Gonzalez? Would there be a worse P.R. move than firing Gonzalez after letting go of Joe Girardi? Cox? He's been in Atlanta since the civil war...you think he's going anywhere at this point? Randolph? We're talking about the Wilpons here, even Art Howe got one year longer than he should have...you think they're going to develop a short fuse all of a sudden with Willie? Guess who that leaves...


5. Wes Helms: If you put the Mets and Phillies infields side by side, you could make the argument that Howard, Utley, and Rollins cancel out the Mets trio of David Wright, Jose Reyes, and Carlos Delgado. That leaves Wes Helms vs. Jose Valentin. That's a tough call, but considering that Valentin provides power to the lowest power position on the board, and that Wes Helms, who's never had more than 274 AB's in a season, I gotta say that Wes Helms has some proving to do. He hit .329 last year in 240 AB's, but also had 55 K's which would translate to about 120, 130 K's through a full season. Do you want Wes Helms in the same lineup with Pat Burrell?


6. 10,000: This team is headed towards a distinction known by no other franchise in professional sports history. They are 43 victories away from 10,000 losses in their history. Think about that...it's mind boggling! The San Francisco Giants, who have been playing baseball just as long as the Phillies, have a total of 8,702 losses. That's almost 1,300 less losses than Philadelphia. If the Phillies languish around .500, you don't think that 10,000 is going to hang over them like a scarlet number? (By the way, if the Phils start out 39-42, loss number 10,000 could come against the Mets on July 1st, Sunday night, on national television.


7. Karim Garcia: Come on. You expect me to take a team that has Karim Garcia on it seriously? Really? The Latino Bambino? Enemy of pizza delivery men everywhere? I frankly don't care if he makes the team or not. His aura already wafts through the city like that smell that hit NYC back in January.


8. Adam Eaton: I know I mentioned him way back in reason number two, but allow me to reiterate: This signing was so bad, it deserved it's own write-up. Adam Eaton got $24.5 million over three years for going 18-9 with a 4.55 ERA in 193 and 2/3's innings. Sound reasonable? Those were composite stats over the last two seasons. When Kris Benson got his "overpriced" contract, he at least pitched 200 innings in one season. And one more thing that may or may not have anything to do with anything, but Adam Eaton once landed on the disabled list...for stabbing himself in the stomach.


9. Pat Gillick: Genius my ass. His big plan was to trade Bobby Abreu to the Yankees for nothing, but have all this salary to improve the team. His big purchase with that extra money: Adam Eaton. And now, he's going to have to figure out what to do with Aaron Rowand. With trade rumors swirling around him, Gillick is going to have to hit a home run in dealing him. Does he get bullpen help? Does he get another starting outfielder back? Does Jon Lieber get traded for bullpen help? Is there any chance that Braden Looper can be returned to the Phillies in that deal so that he can log important innings for the Phils (insert evil laugh)?


10. John Kruk: He isn't going to make a throw, field a grounder, hit a double, or even put on a uniform (praise Buddha) for the team that he once starred for this season. But you know what he will do? Piss me off without fail. What that has to do with the Phillies finishing out of the money in 2007? I don't know. But John Kruk was a Phillie, he pisses me off, and he's already predicted the Phillies would win the division. I don't know how, but he will cause the Phillies demise...someway, somehow. This might be a good start:

Prediction: Third place, 82-80