Saturday, June 14, 2008

Leap Of Faith

Our story starts in the manager's office of the Texas Rangers, where the coaches are holding their daily meeting on how to handle the New York Mets ...

Ron Washington: All right boys, I have the lineup here for the Mets: Reyes, Castillo, Wright, Beltran, Delgado, Anderson, Schneider, Chavez, and the pitcher. Any thoughts?

Mark Connor: Gotta keep Reyes off the bases, obviously.

RW: How does the kid look tonight?

MC: Feldman looks good. He should be able to shut this lineup down since they've never seen him before.

RW: Art, anything to add? You managed Reyes.

Art Howe: Loved Reyes ... he battles. Don't give him anything to hit.

RW: So how do you like being back in New York?

AH: Love New York. The people in this town know how to battle.

RW: What were Reyes' weaknesses at the plate that we can exploit?

AH: Off speed stuff down. Swings all the time.

RW: Very good. Hey, can you get us some lemonade in here? The air conditioning in this place has crapped out again and we're hot as hell.

AH: I will. (Leaves room)

...

AH: (in a remote area of Shea Stadium) Hello? Al? Where are you?

Al: I'm right here.

AH: What the @#$% has Ziggy gotten me into this time?

Al: This one's bad, Sam. You've leaped into the body of Texas Rangers bench coach Art Howe.

AH: Who?

Al: Art Howe! You managed the New York Mets in 2003 and 2004.

AH: How did I do?

Al: According to Ziggy, you battled ... but you pretty much stunk.

AH: How bad?

Al: Not too bad ... you once woke up long enough to play the infield in down by seven runs.

AH: Why the @#$% would I do that? That's stupid. Did it work?

Al: No, the guy got a base hit. But according to Ziggy, you have to make sure that Willie Randolph doesn't get fired.

AH: Who's Willie Randolph?

Al: How do you not know who Willie Randolph is?

AH: I'm a Twins fan, I don't pay attention to the National League.

Al: Willie Randolph is the manager of the New York Mets, and Ziggy says he's about to get fired depending on how he does against the Rangers this weekend.

AH: So what am I supposed to do, throw the series? I'm only a bench coach!

Al: You have to try. If Willie Randolph gets fired, the Mets will revert to a level of suck which is so bad, it will send the entire sport in a tailspin which will cause irreversible damage to it's fans and corporate sponsors.

AH: Is Ziggy telling you which manager would revert the Mets to that level?

Al: Let me scroll down, da da da da da da da da da ... oh no.

AH: What? Who is it? Is it Satan? Is it Lothos? Is it Mike Cubbage?

Al: No, Sam. It's you.

AH: Me???!?!??!?!!??

Al: Well, it's Art Howe ... and right now, YOU are Art Howe.

AH: Why me?

Al: It's timing, Sam. If Willie gets fired this weekend, you're in the ballpark. You're close-by. And of course you want another crack at putting things right. So of course you're going to take the job. But the consequences are not good, Sam. Ziggy says that if you manage the Mets, that this would be your last leap ... and that you're stuck as Art Howe for the rest of time, tortured for all eternity!

AH: Oh crap. What is Ziggy putting the odds at?

Al: Right now, there's an 85% chance that Willie gets fired, but you can stop it. You have to do what you can to make sure your Rangers do ... not ... win. Is that understood?

AH: I'll do what I can. But what do I do?

Al: Well to start, you can get that lemonade for the rest of the coaching staff. Go! Go! GO!!!

...

AH: (Re-enters Washington's office) Hey guys, here's your lemonade.

RW: Thanks Art. And thanks for the scouting report.

AH: Hey, about that ... that off-speed stuff I told you about? Now, this is going to sound strange, but you should really mix that in with some fastballs down the middle. It sounds stupid, but Reyes has a mental block when it comes to them. They make him ... cry.

RW: Oh ... well, I'll pass that along. Thanks.

AH: No problem. And by the way, tell the hitters to swing early and often against that kid Perez. He's always around the plate. And he battles!

RW: Very good.

...

(Art finds Al in the bullpen after the Mets win the first game of the series against Texas.)

AH: Al? AL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!

Al: What?

AH: I did it! Did you see the game? Reyes got a couple of hits, and I made Oliver Perez look like a stud. What is Ziggy placing the odds at now?

Al: Hey, good news. Ziggy says the odds are down to 30%. You did it, Sam!

AH: Thank goodness. I couldn't stand being this old man for much longer. Uh-oh, I'm leaping!

...

(A man in an airplane is getting a free drink from the flight attendant.)

Flight attendant: All right sir, here's your ... hey, wait a minute! You're Trot Nixon! I heard you just got traded to the Mets! I'm a huge Mets fan!!! Hey, you were dynamite in the playoffs last year with Cleveland. You think you can save the franchise?

TN: Oh boy ... Al?

(Editor's note: Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home ... or at least to home plate.)

6 comments:

NYMHall said...

Nice treatment. "Quantum Leap" is one of my faves.

Anonymous said...

Wow...you left off Pat Quinn, Cliff Ronning and Trevor Linden...
I am shocked that you did that...
Happy Anniversary, Metstra...14 years and counting...
Beezermess

Anonymous said...

Oh wow. Don't know what inspired you for that one, but brilliant Metstra, just brilliant.

MetFanMac said...

This. Is. GENIUS!!!!!!!!!

Demitri said...

That was great. Almost like that really sad episode in the 6th season where Beckett tries to jump into the body of Jim Duquette to prevent the Zambrano for Kazmir trade, but instead gets stuck in the body of Jum McIlvane.

Good work!

Anonymous said...

dude!! awesome post... keep up the good work!!!