The Tornado Is Swirling

And it has nothing to do with the weather.

With Jose Reyes being sent back to New York for tests on his knee (tendinitis is the new concussion), there's a real chance that Reyes will be out for significantly more time than two days. To me, that means there's more pressure on Omar Minaya to upgrade this roster ... at least that's what I was thinking before the Braves traded for Nate McLouth.

(Oh, and great job not trading him a day earlier. Outstanding as always.)

Let us assume for a second that Reyes is out for a while ... purely hypothetical. With the Mets already behind the eight ball in terms of a thin roster (something they could have addressed a little better in the offseason), what will probably happen is that they'll go with the roster they have until, say, July 1. If they tank in June, Omar will probably be forced into a panic move. If they play well without Reyes, Omar will think there's no reason to make a move.

In reality, it should work the other way around. If there's something that I can pinpoint as a flaw in this organization (like there's just one), is that dealing from strength is something this braintrust has a problem with. Minaya is a culprit, but this team constantly waits until players hit rock bottom in their trade value, or until this team is forced to make a move (Castro) to do something rather than trade from strength. If this team has to be without Reyes for another month and they tank, you don't think Billy Beane will smell blood if Omar comes calling asking about Matt Holliday?

At this point, outfield is the one place that you could legitimately upgrade the offense. And you have to upgrade the offense ... you can't let Johan Santana continue to get one run of support per start. I don't think it's worth it to upgrade at shortstop (is Bobby Crosby really that significant an upgrade over Alex Cora and Wilson Valdez), and putting Daniel Murphy on the bench after you've finally found a position he's comfy at would just be cruel. So outfield it has to be ... whether it be Holliday, Aubrey Huff, or Adam Dunn.

(Don't think Adam Dunn isn't going to be available. Why keep the salary they have for this year and even next year if they're going to sink millions of dollars into Steven Strasburg?)

As I said in graph two, this was all in my head before the McLouth trade even went down. Now that the Braves have made their move, Omar and the Mets have to be next for a roster upgrade. And no, Matt Watson doesn't count as a roster upgrade. Nor would Sammy Sosa. And in case you were wondering, neither does re-signing Tom Glavine.

Gangsta Roulette

Did you have the same feeling I did when you saw the starting lineup today? Did you have the feeling that a lineup with Wilson Valdez, Angel Pagan, and Ramon Martinez vs. Josh Johnson combined with Tim Redding on the hill basically meant that your Saturday of baseball was going to be a complete waste of time? Well guess what? It was.

It's not like the regular lineup ever does anything against Johnson anyway, and players need their rest, so why the heck not? I was more disturbed at the revelation that Snoop Manuel is going to rest Gary Sheffield twice a week to keep him fresh. This means that if you Mapquest the route to the end of the 2009 season, it will inevitably take a left on Moises Alou Ave.

I was also disturbed by the image of David Wright getting ready to pinch hit in the ninth by licking his bat. Besides the fact that it's a disgusting image, I don't want to root for the first franchise in baseball history to put a player on the disabled list with tongue splinters (it will probably be listed as "fragments in the mouth muscle".)

But what I'll take away from this game was Ron Darling glowing about how special this Omir Santos run has been by saying that in five years, you're going to be wondering what the name of that guy was that had the quick start and hit the home run off Papelbon and was on fire for two months. What Darling is saying is that this run which sent Fluff Castro out of town is magical ... and that Santos will be managing a KFC franchise in five years.

Omir Plays The Lion, And The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway

Well, it was nice knowing you, Fluff.

Because really ... with all of the rumors surrounding Ramon Castro, whether it be to Seattle, or Chicago, what's the one ending to Friday's game that would seal his fate?

Of course! An Omir Santos walk-off hit!

Well, that's not entirely accurate, as Santos' place on the Mets was sealed with the dinger off of Jonathan Papelbon. But with Brian Schneider finally back from the disabled list, there was really no use for both Omir and Fluff. So Castro, who is as capable of hitting a big home run as he is pulling his hamstring boarding a plane, will indeed board a plane to Chicago. Coming to the Mets ... well, the Bisons, is pitcher Lance Broadway.

The marketing would write itself if he wasn't assigned to Buffalo ... he should have been named "Anchor" or "HSBC" or "Lake Effect Snow".

Broadway was actually a pretty good prospect with the Sox, once holding the title of third best prospect in the entire system. Where has that gotten him? Buffalo, where the Bisons are 14-32. It ain't easy being a savior, Lance. But you'll have some help as the Bisons will also have 34-year-old Emil Brown (a youth movement for Buffalo) to help as he came in a trade with San Diego. Great, more at-bats Ryan Church will never see. But the fact that Omar Minaya got more than a slice of deep dish pizza for Castro is a plus.

Luckily, things are just a bit better with the big club as they are in Dunn Tire Park (sorry Corporate Charlie ... Coca-Cola Field), where it doesn't matter who the back-up catcher is as long as Mike Pelfrey is throwing the ball the way he did against the Marlins tonight. Pelfrey? Santos? Emil Brown? I might actually sleep well tonight. Hope you will too.

Comical

Forgive me as I relive the Mets sweep of the Pirates by completely destroying the comic book genre:

Special thanks to the animators at Be Funky.

We Have A Winner

For those of you who had "tight quad" and "May 9th" in your "Fluff Castro Nagging Injury Pool", please see the nice lady in promotions about your prize.

Your prize, by the way, is catching gear ... you're backing up Omir Santos today. A series sweep against the Pirates is at stake, so everyone is counting on you. Make your mom proud.

Warm And Fuzzy

As long as the Mets are going to lose, they might as well lose in a way that makes Met fans more comfortable. When the Mets lose because of bad starting pitching, or a lack of hitting with runners in alleged scoring position, it's frustrating because we, as Met fans, are not used to that. We're freaking out like animals that know a storm is coming ... we're under the bed snapping at people when they're trying to give us food.

But when the Mets lose because the bullpen blows a Johan Santana start ... well, we've grown quite accustomed to that. We sleep like babies, which means we wake up screaming every two hours but again, it's comfortable and familiar like an old blanket or our softball mitt. I can deal with that. I'm used to that.

I will say that as a first guess, I had the thought of walking Cody Ross with first base open to pitch to Alfredo Amezaga. Ross is a Keebler Elf, but he's a dangerous hitter. Maybe Snoop didn't want to put too many men on base ... maybe he felt that throwing four intentional balls after throwing a bunch of unintentional balls (losing Jorge Cantu after going 1-2 on him was deadly) wasn't the best way to get J.J. Putz back on track. I don't know, but I would have thought about walking Ross.

But I can't get crazy over that because Putz made his own bed today with the walks (an alternate title to today's entry would be "Thunderstunk", but I'll save that for a later blown save ... especially after I just found out that a derivative has been used today ... boy that would have been embarrassing) and deserved to lose. But I would like to ask this of Snoop: Why in the world would you bother pinch hitting Omir Santos, your other catcher, for Fluff Castro with the bases loaded and two down in the ninth? You had Fluff in mothballs for three days, he gets two hits today, and with the bases loaded you sit him down? Wasn't Castro a guy who was considered to have enough pop in his bat where you would carry three catchers so Fluff could come off the bench? And now you're pinch hitting your other catcher for him in a situation where a base hit might only bring home one run? Then you've burned your catchers for extra innings.

It was redundant overmanaging if you ask me ... and I'm sure it was done in deference to Snoop's man-crush on Santos. But Snoop's testing the cult factor. You know that going to the well again for some bases-loaded magic so soon after Santos' grannie on Monday was tempting fate. It's like when Richie Cunningham was the hero for his basketball team one week, and then he was expected to do it again in the championship game after he became "Lucious Legs" and he missed the free throw? Remember that episode? You knew he wasn't going to be the hero two games in a row, just like you knew that Omir Santos wasn't going to get a pie in the face twice in the same series. Manuel tried to be too cute on that one.

Perhaps he offered Santos a Life Saver after the game.

***

Random fact: The Mets are now 0-2 in their last two Weather Education Days, hosted by Mr. G and WPIX. This clearly means that it's time to stop this promotion. Wanna learn about the weather? Stick your head out the window.

Instead for you kids, it'll be Mets Chant Education Day, hosted by me. Lesson one: It's Lets-Go-Mets-(pause)-Lets-Go-Mets-(pause)-Lets-Go-Mets-(pause). Not: Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap)-Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap)-Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap).

Because it's all about the kids.

***

By the way, because I know you're all curious ... Shake Shack? Aarrgrhrghrghrgrhgrhrghrgrh (drools). Burgers are heaven on a bun. Fries are excellent, and the black and white shake is quite tasty. The line takes 25 minutes (I timed it), but hey, get there early. I myself am glad I finally had the patience to wait in line.

But here's another take on Citi Field from Steve Somers ... and modified by a commenter you all know as "Metmaster". Wonder what you think (what you are about to read is the modification):

"Listening to Steve Somers on the FAN, I have come to the same conclusion re: Citi Field. He suggests that the Mets as a team might not like their new digs. I wholeheartedly agree. Generally good for the fan experience, but a bad fit for this Mets team. It is a place for line drive, slap hitters. Whitey Herzog would love it. The Mets are big swingers and the park is a grave yard for them. A couple of Marlins, according to Somers, commented before the game that the place is beautiful, but they would not want to play 81 games there. In their mania to make it Ebbets Field II the Wilpons created a hostile theme park for their team. They will never sign another power hitting free agent. Could April have been any worse?!"

Interesting. What this means of course is that Ryan Church and Bobby Parnell will be traded for Juan Pierre so he can play right, and Willie McGee, who is only a year older than Julio Franco, will return to baseball so he can play left field. It's inevitable.

(blogger wakes up screaming)

The Cream

This is completely unacceptable. Six runs in the first inning and one the rest of the way? Dammit, same old freaking Mets. That's it. Time to clean house. Fire Manuel! Trade David Wright for Joe Crede! Trade Jose Reyes for Cutter Dykstra so we have grit! Fire Omar Minaya! Fire the Wilpons! Trade Mr. Met for Slider!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!

By now, you should have figured out that I'm, umm ... kidding. (I know I know, not funny.) And I can kid because John Maine continued his dominance of the Marlins on Monday night, and went back on track in the process. And hey, the Mets have won three of four! Joy.

Omir Santos played his third straight game and smacked a grand slam in that first inning. And we all know that even before the slam that Snoop has a man-crush on Santos. So when Brian Schneider returns from injury, the Mets have a very interesting decision to make. Will Santos go back down? Will Fluff Castro invent an injury? Will Fluff Castro have an injury invented for him? Will the Gary Sheffield experiment end? Will Fernando Martinez be traded for milk to make room on the 40 man roster? These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of Soap.

"What? A visit to Debits Field and no mention that the scoreboard went on strike in the 4th, which only 40% of the fans noticed, since it's
misplaced?" -kjs

You're correct. And I noticed. Here's the proof:

They even made an announcement before the game that one of the amenities would be "non-operational" during the game. I didn't hear what it was, and I didn't want to know. Just would have given me one more thing to bitch about.

(Editor's note: There was a similar announcement before Monday night's game about something in the park being non-operational. Turns out it was Gary Sheffield's mitt.)

Food For Thought

From the inside of the flight up to New York from Florida:

Ramon Castro: Psst ... Ollie.

Oliver Perez: Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

RC: Ollie, wake up!

OP: Wh, wha ... what?

RC: Dude, tomorrow night man.

OP: What about it?

RC: We're going to have a game in the new park tomorrow.

OP: I know. You woke me up to tell me that?

RC: We're not in the lineup tomorrow. You know what that means?

OP: No pray tell, what?

RC: We can sneak off to Shake Shack and have some burgers.

OP: Have you lost your mind?

RC: No no. We have to sample all the food.

OP: I'm going back to sleep.

RC: But I can't sleep. I can't sleep without thinking about all the food options I've been reading about. C'mon Ollie. You and me.

OP: No way Fluff, no way. I'm not sneaking with you anywhere. Warthen basically called me a fat bastard in public, and if I sneak off to Shake Shack and get caught I'm going to be hung. I need to stay in shape.

RC: C'mon, Ollie. Haven't you heard? The food is like, phenomenal! We've gotta score some.

OP: You're obsessed.

RC: Ollie! Pulled pork sliders.

OP: Stop it.

RC: French fries in bacon sauce.

OP: Please stop.

RC: Piiiiiiiizzaaaaaaaaa. From a real brick oven.

OP: I'm going back to sleep before you make me crazy.

RC: C'mon dude! Berry parfaits! What's more baseball than berry parfaits???

OP: Lord, deliver me from temptation.

RC: "BUY ME SOME PEANUTS AND BERRY PARFAITS!"

OP: Shut up.

RC: Oliver! You don't understand! We're not in Shea anymore. Gone are the days of dirty water dogs and messy sausage and peppers. This is the big leagues of food, dude! Everyone loves this stuff. Mac and Cheese! Steak Tacos! Cannollis!!! Ollie ... Cannollis!!! And we won't have to pay the seven bucks for a slice of pizza because we're Mets! We're Mets!!!

OP: Fluff, I'd kill you except you'll probably die from the hundreds of pork sliders you're going to eat in one sitting.

RC: Mo Vaughn would have loved this.

OP: I hear Mo Vaughn is going to throw out the first sushi roll tomorrow.

RC: And I'm going to catch it ... and eat it! Because all these food options are going to make us the best team in baseball!

OP: No, it's going to make us the fattest team in baseball.

RC: You don't know that. We exercise and stuff. You want to run with me?

OP: That's my line.

RC: C'mon! I'll race you down the aisle. First one to the flight attendant wins.

OP: Stop it.

"Ladies and gentlemen we've turned on the fasten seat belts sign for our final descent into JFK airport."

OP: See, now I lost a chance to sleep. Thanks a lot, Fluff. Fluff?

RC: Zzzzzzzzz. Shaaaaaaaaaaake Shaaaaaaaaaaack. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

OP: Jackass.

(If you're going to the game today and get a chance to sample the food, your friendly neighborhood blogger would love and appreciate some of your reviews in advance of his trip there on Saturday. Leave 'em here. And enjoy the game.)

A Bum Knee For A Guy Who Squats For A Living

As you know, "indefinitely" is a long time. It's longer than day-to-day. And Brian Schneider is out indefinitely.

"There's no particular thing that I did. I just woke up with it, and it just got worse and worse as the day went on," Schneider said. "Today it's feeling better, and we'll just get more treatment."

I guess this means that Fluff Castro might have to rely on his durability, which is like asking Rey Ordonez to rely on his power stroke.

Is Tim Spehr available?

Economically Stimulating

Life got ya down? Worried about mounting bills? The unemployment rate? The rising cost of attending sporting events?

The signing of Livan Hernandez?

Well there's good news on the horizon the economic stimulus package has been approved by our Congress. We all know that there are better ways to spend money than others. So before we all go willy-nilly on how to spend that small amount of extra money, I'm here to give some suggestions as to some prudent, and not so prudent ways to spend that extra money that comes into your pocket.

Ramon Castro
DO BUY: A giant head rest.
DON'T BUY: Real estate in New York City.

Mike Pelfrey
DO BUY: A subscription to Netflix.
DON'T BUY: A souped up golf cart.

Fred Wilpon
DO BUY: A lefty reliever.
DON'T BUY: "Ponzi Schemes, They're Not Just a Herman Edwards Blitz Package Anymore" by Bernie Madoff.

Ryan Church
DO BUY: An "I Love NY" t-shirt.
DON'T BUY: Driving lessons from Mike Pelfrey.

Freddy Garcia
DO BUY: Long term health insurance.
DON'T BUY: Hedgeclippers.

Frankie Rodriguez
DO BUY: More red tinted contact lenses.
DON'T BUY: Contact lenses that make you see three strike zones.

Oliver Perez
DO BUY: Something. Anything. It really doesn't matter. You can afford it now.
DON'T BUY: Anything that Rick Peterson might be selling.

Roberto Alomar
DO BUY: A good lawyer.
DON'T BUY: Jackie Chiles.

Brian Schneider
DO BUY: A better scriptwriter.
DON'T BUY: "Be an Offensive Force at the Catcher Position" by Charlie O' Brien

Jerry Manuel
DO BUY: Nextel Direct Connect for the bullpen staff.
DON'T BUY: Livan Hernandez's assertion that he can go one more inning. Speaking of ...

Livan Hernandez
DO BUY: Health and workout tips from Heath Bell.
DON'T BUY: Health and workout tips from his half-brother.

Luis Castillo
DO BUY: "Leading Off for Dummies" by Rickey Henderson
DON'T BUY: "Drawing an Inside Straight During a Playoff Game" by Rickey Henderson

Omar Minaya
DO BUY: Will Ohman
DON'T BUY: Oil Can Boyd (tempting as a 49-year-old may be)

Just For Mets

I never bother with post game news conferences. People get up to the podium and say the same boring things over and over again. Drives me nuts.

So when it was time for Snoop Manuel to discuss what was perhaps the worst loss of the season afterwards, I got ready to leave the room only to hear his opening statement:

"Oh it's baaaaaaaaad. It's baaaaaaaaad."

Sign number one your season is in trouble: When your manager sounds like Emmitt Smith in the rocking chair from the Just For Men commercial, it really is bad. Emmitt, thespian that he is, sounded like he was dying in the commercial (I don't know how you die from gray hair but that's another conversation.) This Mets season is dying a slow painful death too.

It should have been a glorious evening with the Braves not only doing to the Phillies what they did to the Mets this week, but with Julian Tavarez and Shane Victorino arguing like two old ladies going after the last hair clip at Target.

(Editor's note: If Shane Victorino and Julian Tavarez fought to the death, I wouldn't know who to root for.)

Instead, only missed opportunity ... much like that ninth inning where Daniel Murphy tripled to start off the inning, and David Wright struck out for the first out, allowing the Cubs to walk the Carloses to get to the absolutely putrid Ryan Church ... who promptly grounded into a fielders choice for the second out to expedite the end of the inning, and perhaps the Mets' playoff hopes.

(Retrospective Irony: If Murphy had only singled rather than tripled, the Carloses get at-bats instead of intentional walks after Wright's strikeout. But if Wright doesn't swing at ball four, then at least one of them gets an at-bat. At least Wright is still handsome, and has a wax statue.)

Oh it's bad, especially when Fredi Gonzalez has announced that he's playing his regulars in the final series of the season.

Asked why, Florida's manager said: "To stick it to the Mets again just as we did last year because we hate them and we hate everything about them For the integrity of the game and for the way you should play the game. That's the only way to do it. Like we did last year."

Yup, I think Wednesday was the last nail in the coffin. Oh it's baaaaaaaaaaad.

(Editor's note: In the spirit of missed opportunity, I am usually keenly aware of chicken finger night on Wednesdays, when my job puts out chicken fingers for the staff. Last night, I missed the chicken fingers. I felt like Ryan Church, David Wright, and Fluff Castro combined. So it was that kind of night. I choked. Clearly, it's an epidemic.)

Escape From Philadelphia

Let's forget the obvious for a moment, that the five runs that the Mets scored after the fifth inning were instrumental in the Mets Wednesday victory because:

• the Mets were behind and actually needed the runs,
• the Mets were playing the Phillies ... ahead of them to start the night, and ...
• the Mets got those runs off of the Phillies bullpen, Kryptonite to Mets bats.

I got a comment on my last post which basically said that late runs are a non-story, and that seven runs late in the game still would have left the Mets one short. So I put on my white coat, entered my math lab, made all of the calculations and concluded that yes, seven runs is still less than eighth no matter when the seven runs are scored. Let that be a lesson to you kids: Math is useful and fun.

But here's the difference between late runs and early runs: Tuesday night: I had this feeling in the ninth that it was only a matter of time until the bullpen blew it. Wednesday night: I thought the game was over entering the ninth (and don't tell me that I had that feeling because the lead was three instead of one ... I've seen what this bullpen can do with three run leads and it's not f***ing pretty). And if I, of all people, was feeling a little invincible, imagine what they were feeling on the Mets bench.

Also, when you score runs early, you're most likely going to do it against one pitcher. When you score runs late, you're probably going to do it against three or four guys with all of the pitching changes, so you make a team feel like they have no options ... you know, that feeling you get when Snoop trots out Heilman, Sanchez and Feliciano all the time? That one.

Don't get me wrong, I'll take runs during any inning at any time. But those late runs, thanks to Carlos Delgado, Daniel Murphy, and Brian Schneider, kept those creepy feelings away ... at least until the next time we meet up with the Phillies (the team that the Mets officially won the season series with last night ... incidentally.)

So enjoy your day off today in the knowledge that at least for now, all is right and familiar with the world. The Mets are in first place, Fluff Castro is on the DL, and Skip Bayless is still an ever-loving tool:

"Way to go, Phillies!!!!!!!" -Skip Bayless on Wednesday's "First Pizza", or whatever they call that show these days.

Bite me, you contrarian cupcake crumb.

Cousin Oliver Redux

Could Brian Stokes have been the key all along?

Now far be it from me to be the one to make excuses for the outfit in the pen and the way they've been going these days. Heck, during the early stages of the Mets' 10-0 lead tonight, when you were thinking if there was anyone out there who thought the Mets' bullpen could blow this lead, the answer was yes ... me! But here's what I'm thinking:

Forget the whole "different roles" thing. That's an excuse. A lame one at that. But could it be ... just maybe ... that the whole reason the bullpen has reaked of fresh roadkill is due to the lack of a long option in the pen?

When Darren Oliver played here in '06, the Mets' record in games he's pitched in was 17-28. Look through his game log and you'll see a lot of the scores of the games he's been in are of the 15-2, 11-3, 10-1 variety. Now, go through this season and check out the boxscores of similar games with similar scores. For example: May 12th against the Nationals, where the game was decided by the sixth inning:

Sosa 1 IP
Sanchez 1 IP
Smith 1 IP
Wagner 1 IP

How about two days earlier, a game which was 10-3 after six innings:

Heilman 1 IP
Feliciano 1 IP
Sosa (Who's this Sosa guy?) 1 IP

Even July 3rd, a game with was 11-0 after five and a half.

Schoeneweis 1 IP
Smith 1 IP

Games like this in 2006 saw Darren Oliver eat inning, after inning, after inning. The above blowouts featured names that would be better serve to use their limited bullets on close games, and not blowouts (though the Heilman appearance was very well one of those "I need to find my game" appearances. Apparently, he lost it again.)

Tonight was one of those games that you knew was going to be a patchwork bullpen game with John Maine restricted in his first game back from his shoulder issue. And in a game without Brian Stokes, even with the score 10-0 (which would end 12-0) you would have seen Schoeneweis pitch an inning ... Filthy pitch an inning ... Smith pitch an inning ... heck, Jorge Sosa could have come in tonight just for laughs (Sosa is in the Seattle organization, in case you were wondering. I know you weren't. Heck, I wasn't until I was looking through old boxscores. How did I miss Jorge Sosa going to Seattle? Or should the question be: How could I not?)

But with Stokes on the roster, he fills the Darren Oliver role and gives the rest of the beleaguered some rest by pitching four innings and getting a save in a 12-0 game. And now I'm wondering if there's a way to keep Stokes on the roster when Country Time comes back. Which of course, there is ... with Eddie Kunz eligible to be sent down, and Fluff Castro probably overdue for a spot on the D.L.

And speaking of bullpens, notice how the Phillies bullpen melted late for the second night in a row? Yes, I felt dirty rooting for Chan Ho Park. Dirtier still rooting for Joe Torre. And dirtiest of all when Jeff Kent was up with the Dodgers down by two runs and second and third, and he lined one down the left field line to tie the game which was met with "Yes! Jeff!" A swear which was quickly followed by "I still hate you Jeff!!!", which is the baseball equivalent of blessing yourself after you swear which is what my grandmother did a lot ... thank you, Nana!

But we'll have to send the Dodgers some sort of bouquet of flowers of some sort for sweeping the Phillies and helping the Mets climb back into a tie for first. Hopefully Manny doesn't think it's lettuce and mistakenly eats it. Thank you, Nomar.

Sprinkles On That Snow Cone? (Alternate Title: The One Where Kyle Lohse Finally Turns Into A Pumpkin)

Little did anybody know there was greatness afoot while Gary Cohen was busy comparing Argenis Reyes to Baba Looey (which apparently makes Jose Reyes Quick Draw McGraw). But during that discussion a sure home run was taken away from Ryan Ludwick by Carlos Beltran, jumping over the wall on the dead run to make a snow cone catch for the ages.

It was only the final El Kabong on a day full of them, as David Wright, Fernando Tatis, and Fluff Castro El Kabonged Kyle Lohse and his 12-2 record to smithereens with certified bombs. I mean, it would have been a little embarrassing to have Kyle Lohse, the guy who nobody signed until March, outduel Johan Santana, the guy who the Mets traded the farm for (in which there was nothing left to use to bring home Xavier Nady, bring back Casey Blake, or seemingly nothing in which to acquire the likes of Victor Diaz, Pete Incaviglia, or even Butch Huskey).

But Santana's newfound run support wouldn't let that happen today ... and neither would Santana, who was brilliant in going nine innings just like we said he had to do as we were leaving last night's debacle. Brilliant at the plate as well with two hits and a ribbie, even while losing his majestic fly ball in the lights and having to settle for a 337 foot single which would have been an out off the wall had Albert Pujols been covering first base (somehow, Jose Reyes will be blamed for this ... he's blamed for everything.)

"He was very adamant about going back out ... He wanted a complete game, and it was good." -Snoop Manuel

Not just good, it was El Kabong good.

You know, in the NFL, a helmet to helmet hit is a suspension. Just sayin'.

Don't Stare Directly At Moises' Hamstring

The post was supposed to be all sunshine tonight. Johan Santana continued the newfound dominance of the starting staff. Fluff Castro gave Johan some runs, and finally got to raise that finger after hitting a home run (how long before the Florida Marlins complain about his hotdogging?) Even Aaron Heilman remained (gasp!) good, as the Mets win streak reached five and all is well in Flushing.

But the sunshine is blocked by yet another Moises Alou injury. This time, while rehabbing his calf in Binghamton, his hamstring cramped up.

When asked about the Alou injury, Billy Wagner reportedly said "f***ing shocker."

There's something incongruous about Brett Favre still making up his mind about whether to play or not and keeping an entire city on edge, while Alou ... who has done almost everything in this game ... would still ride buses at age 41 just to get back to the show to try to win a World Series. But he can't because the muscles in his legs are made out of Charleston Chews.

Meanwhile the Mets are faced with trying to win the division with Fernando Tatis and Endy Chavez as the regular corner outfielders.

Bring Xavier home.

In Yadier's Crosshairs

Not enough you break our hearts, Yadier ... now you try to kill us one by one?

Well, no use trying to figure out whether Tony Armas Jr. is going to be more Nelson Figueroa or more Alay Soler (actually, neither option is that good), but he was certainly a serviceable part Tuesday night, helping the Mets even their series with the Cardinals ... albeit with one very sore reliever who has a nice "National League" tattoo on the back of his leg courtesy of Yadier Molina.

The talk centered around Snoop Manuel playing Fluff Castro instead of Brian Schneider, Armas' batterymate from their Expos days. Castro responded by driving in three runs. That might be the best random button that Snoop has pushed since giving David Wright a rest (12 for 25 since).

Tonight is the rematch of one of those painful games from the last week of last season: Joel Pineiro vs. Pedro Martinez. And Pineiro hasn't won since April 29th. Just thought I'd point that out.

Damn you Yadier Molina.

Jump For Joy But Pray For A Soft Landing

I know, we should be excited over Friday night's victory. Perhaps there's something good percolating in Queens. But jeez, Fluff ... jump with somebody your own size. This is a celebration mismatch. If I wake up tomorrow and find out that Fluff Castro strained a meniscus jumping (which is entirely possible), and that Jose Reyes bruised his hip, er ... receiving, I'm going to freak. Jump with Cancel!

On second thought, never mind. In Denver, a jump between Castro and Robinson Cancel might cause a snow drift.

Unfair Warning

Former MLB commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti once warned us that baseball is a game that's "designed to break your heart". What he failed to mention to me was that baseball is also capable of ripping out your still beating heart and showing it to you. Then, it has the ability to eat your heart in front of you and your children. And just as an FYI, baseball will think nothing of eating your children.

Bart Giamatti never warned me about those things. Thus, I still watch this stupid game. And I witness things like Mike Pelfrey, like a bolt from the blue, pitch eight brilliant innings (yes, Mike Pelfrey) ... only to watch Country Time come into the ninth and blow it. But not just any blown save, a blown save where the pitch before the game tying three run home run actually hits Mark Reynolds in the toe, clearly shown on replay, yet the home plate ump looked for shoe polish and saw none, and allowed Reynolds to continue his at-bat. Of course, and as I suspected would happen, Reynolds took the next pitch and smacked it towards the back of the picnic area to tie the game while the Mets had them down to the last strike.

It's a game designed to put you in a rubber room.

So even as the Mets came back and won it on a stirring walk-off home run by Carlos Beltran in the 13th, somehow this still feels like a loss. The Mets used to have a way of making losses feel like wins for whatever reason. Now, they win on a walk-off home run in the 13th and all I can think about is how the bullpen is now unnecessarily gassed for Thursday's afternoon game, and that David Wright should have hit one of the five strikes he saw from Edgar Gonzalez in the 13th inning in play and not foul. Maybe I'm only thinking that way to keep myself from writing some dribble about "this is the win that will get our team going", and then going and shouting it from the rooftops in my underwear while offering my Mike Piazza bobblehead as a sacrifice to the baseball gods. But that's how I'm thinking.

It's a game designed to make you use plastic bags as toys.

And of course, I'm also thinking about how Moises Alou can't stay healthy for nine innings, and how his latest calf injury has reduced him to a bumbling mess:

"I'm embarrassed to walk in here and look at my teammates with what they're going through right now," Alou said. "I wish I could stand here talking about getting a game-winning hit instead of, 'I'm hurt, I'm hurt, I'm hurt.'

"It's the story of my life. It's not what I want to talk about, it's not what the fans want to hear."

Shakespeare once said that "the fault lies not in our stars but in ourselves". Moises, you're a star ... hence it's not your fault. Your star is simply fading. Dude ... you're 41. These things happen to 41 -year -old ballplayers. So the fault lies not in our stars, but in our general managers for realistically expecting 41-year-olds to play 130 games.

It's a game designed to tighten your calf during rain delays.

Thanks for the advance warning, Bart.

***

But on the bright side, looks like the whole punctuality thing will not be an issue anymore for our friend, Fluff Castro.

Flu-ffy Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuff!

High Speed Fitness

Today, Willie Randolph helped launch Be Fit NYC, a search engine to help New Yorkers find fitness activities wherever they are in the five boroughs.

Meanwhile, in a dark clubhouse, Moises Alou turned to Marlon Anderson and said "You know what Marlon, Willie has a good idea. Let's be fit from now on". Hence, they both returned to active duty today.

(Note: Fluff Castro would have been in that conversation, but he thought Tuesday night's game was 7PM Munich time ... and he also thought it was Monday. So he came to Shea, played, and went home before anyone else even arrived at the park. Castro, somehow, went 0 for 4 in an empty ballpark ... while hitting off a tee. Oh, and he tweaked an imaginary muscle getting thrown out at first base by imaginary fielders while trying to beat out a bunt which, it's worth repeating, came off a tee. If he had "been fit", this would never have happened.)

I wonder if the game in Castro's head was any better than the actual game, a 5-1 Mets lead into a 9-5 Mets loss to Arizona, complete with a rain delay, making sure that fans had to make a choice between leaving during a tie game and making their train and staying until the bitter end. And some made the right choice.

By leaving.

For the rest of us, the Mets have become one of those high speed chases you see on the news every once in a while ... the ones that almost always take place in either Los Angeles or Texas. You're watching it, and you know it's going to end badly for the perp. Because let's face it: once you're on television and the helicopters are following you, you're not getting away. So you know it's going to be a bad ending. But what do you do? You watch anyway. Because you have to know how it's going to end. Will the driver run out of gas and come out peacefully? Will the driver slow down like he's going to surrender and then back up into the police car before speeding away again thinking they're all slick? When the cops stop the perp, will they put a major league beating on them?

At least with the Mets, you know the major league beatings are coming ... every night. But you can't turn away. How will the chase end? Who gets the ultimate beatdown at the end of it all? Willie? The Jacket? Hojo? Omar? Because under the glare of the helicopter that is New York, nobody will get away. They're all on the table for a beatdown at the side of the road. And you and I will have front row seats at our televisions to watch the carnage go down ... all season long.

(Editor's note: Don't expect any help from the minors ... your New Orleans Zephyrs were one-hit by the likes of Brandon Duckworth in a 13-0 loss last night. Great.)

Zen 'Till The End

How elegant is the morning sun

Shining on the rafters and eaves.

How cool are the terrace and pond after the rain.

I burn incense to break the deep silence,

Drink the spring water and relax in joy.

When the mind is at ease and spirit is at peace,

Understanding is gained.

There is nothing left to comprehend.

Who can say that the realm of Tao is far from us?

How tranquil it is

Like the beginning of Heaven and Earth.

- Ni Tsan (1301-1374)

Sitting at home tonight during the Mets' 6-5 13-inning loss to the Rockies was when I realized it. After all of the dopey things to happen: Marlon Anderson's hamstring exploding ... Ollie Perez's gazillion pitches in five innings, and then starting the sixth ... Fernando Tatis hitting a home run ... Billy Wagner giving up the first earned run of the year to send the game to extra innings (everybody else has screwed up this season, what makes you so special, Billy) ... Jose Reyes getting picked off second base by a shortstop which had just entered the game after Reyes hustled for a double in the tenth ... Reyes then risking getting thrown out of the game arguing a third strike which would have forced Fluff Castro to play shortstop ... Willie Randolph actually coming out to protect Reyes ... Aaron Heilman pitching a good inning in the 12th ... then losing the game in the 13th because he refuses to throw a strike against a hitter the size of Kate Moss ...

(Side note: home plate ump Mark Wegner deserves points for using great restraint, because he could have easily chucked Reyes but didn't, perhaps knowing the Mets precarious situation.)

It all came together in a flash. All the losses. All the heartbreak. From this year, last year, and all the years prior. I don't need to list them all, you know them all by now, you know them all by heart. It all ... became ... one. And then, became nothing. These competitions don't matter anymore. I, my friends, am one with the higher truth ... that this team stinks.

And it's all right. Because when that base hit dribbled into right field to win the game for the Rockies, I simply laughed. And then I walked away. Things are so bad, they're actually good. I have reached Zen and I am cleansed.

My mind is truly at ease.

My spirit is truly at peace.

Understanding is indeed gained, for there is truly nothing left to comprehend.

Who can say that the realm of Tao is far from Willie Randolph?

How tranquil it is.

Like the beginning of Heaven ... and that little piece of Earth known as Coors Field.

Spring morning on the lake:

The wind merges with the rain,

Worldly matters are like flowers

That fall only to bloom again.

I retire to contemplate behind closed doors,

A place of true joy,

While the floating clouds come and go

The whole day long.

- Zhengue (12th cent)