Friday, April 02, 2010

Vomit: A Retrospective

After John Maine threw hard and threw up through four and two-thirds on Thursday, I combed through the archives and found that I had used the word "vomit" eight times in close to five seasons of Mets baseball. I'm somewhat surprised that the number wasn't higher (a ninth reference was actually made by a guest blogger, a moment I'm not proud of). But it brought back some great memories. For instance, this gem when we thought John Smoltz was on his way to the Mets:
And that's not even mentioning the fact that Tom Glavine is Smoltzie's golfing buddy which means there's a chance we could see Glavine show up at Citi Field with a Mets hat to support his buddy ... and looking all devastated as his friend gets torched by the Brewers for six runs in two and a third. (Oh, did I say devastated? I meant slightly disappointed.) I dare say this would induce more vomit than seeing Roger Clemens attend the Texas/Alabama game on Thursday.
Boy, we dodged that bullet didn't we? Or how about when the Mets had reportedly traded for Pat Burrell?
Of course, it turned out not to be true ... yet. To think, I wasted perfectly good vomit over nothing.
Another crisis of hypocrisy averted. Here might be my personal favorite vomit reference, when the Mets traded for Johan Santana:
Without Johan Santana, the Mets filing into Port St. Lucie for spring training 2008 would have been reminiscent of the really popular girl who went to the big party and got drunk and puked on the shoes of the big man on campus...and then tried to go to school the next day like nothing happened...but then she's walking through the hallways, all of the other students are by their lockers pairing up to whisper things to one another like "oh look, there's the drunk" or "I can't believe she would show her face here again", or "Oh my God, I think she still has vomit in her hair."

Or if it was a text message it would have been: OMG, VIHH! <:@o
Aah, memories.

But I wonder, what made John Maine vomit yesterday? Could it have been ...

Not that the Sports Illustrated prediction did a lot of good for the Mets last season. And hey, just hours after this cover comes out, Joe Blanton goes on the DL, and Halladay gets torched. So no, that wasn't it.

Aah, maybe this book was it. Yes, forget about just merely winning the World Series, here a book that imagines a Yankees perfect season. 162-0. Yeah, imagine that.

I have actually imagined this "perfect" season. Here's how it ends:

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