Put A Jersey On

Ooh, Jose Reyes raised a finger too long. Quick, get Goose Gossage on the phone so he can weigh in with his expert Hall of Fame opinion!

Here's why I'm a soothsayer: I knew this was coming. Knew it. Of course, anytime Jose Reyes does something uniquely celebratory he gets called on the carpet for it (Chris Russo once chastised him for clapping at his mom's birthday party), so it wasn't that hard to figure out. Little did I know that when I thought someone would bring it, it had already been brought.

Here's why I'm not going to get too crazy over this latest hypocrisy of Larry Andersen wanting to put one in Jose Reyes' neck, while Shane Victorino can run around being baseball's Theo Fleury with no criticism: Larry Andersen is a homer. All these baseball announcers are homers to some degree. Even Keith Hernandez slips once in a while and says "we" when he means "they", while Gary Cohen lets his Yankee disgust subtly seep through every once in a blue moon. But trust me on this, it gets worse when you get away from New York and move towards, say, Chicago. Try sitting through a White Sox game one day. I dare you.

Of course, Larry Andersen is going to say something stupid like that, while the trio of Gary, Keith and Ron are focusing more on the play than they are focusing on Theo Victorino standing on the plate and clapping at the Mets dugout. It's just the way it is. Of course, when supposedly neutral national pundits commit the same hypocrisy, that's when my blood boils. Because they're supposed to be above that garbage when they're obviously not. The bottom line is this: The deck is stacked against you and I. The Mets will always get fingers wagged at them while players wearing other uniforms will be celebrated doing the exact same thing. So I'm choosing another battle. It's pointless to fight because nobody listens to me anyway.

And about putting one in Reyes' neck? As I've said before: Don't sing it, bring it. You want to do something, do it. The Phillies had been doing a mighty fine job of pitching inside all series (although their targets ... Damion Easley and Johan Santana ... were interesting choices), and I wish the Mets would do more of that. Unfortunately, a guy like John Maine, who had chances to make Theo dance while Brett Myers was on the other side getting in everyone's kitchen, has proven time and again that he's not that kind of pitcher ... and it's a shame. With everyone taking shots at the Mets it's time somebody throw some haymakers back with no regard for the outcome.

And no, I'm not saying that the Mets should go out and "put one in someone's neck", but there are instances where throwing inside is appropriate. Hell, even if it's not appropriate, why the hell are the Mets worried about winning hearts and minds around the country? It's not happening. We're the bad guys. That's never going to change. Maybe it's time to start acting more the part.

And if Larry Andersen, a guy who hit 17 batters in 17 years in the majors, wants someone to put one in Reyes' neck, then maybe he, or whichever other Phillies announcer wants to be brave, should take Warren Sapp's advice, put a jersey on, and do it himself. I'm sure if Andersen ever had a fastball that could break a pane of glass or cut through a wind gust without being blown away like a kite, he'd try.

Good Ol' Rick Must Have Left A Little Zen Behind

I was watching the Marlins game after Damion Easley beat the Rockies with another late home run, and the announcers for FOX Florida were having a discussion about whether coaches belong in baseball's Hall of Fame. You have managers, GM's, announcers ... why not coaches? Well, I'm not ready to put Dan Warthen in the Hall yet. But if he did something with Aaron Heilman which enabled him to toe the rubber with steel testicles and get out of jams like he did last night, then Warthen deserves something much better than the Hall of Fame. I'll nominate the man for a Nobel Peace Prize. How many angry mobs has Warthen potentially avoided in one fell swoop.

By the way, doesn't the picture scream "Courtship of Eddie's Father"? You know, "People let me tell ya 'bout my best friend" Trust me. Play the video, and look at the picture. If it doesn't bring a tear to your eye, then you're just not human.

Mob Mentality

The movie Goodfellas was on the other day. I was really tired and wanted (needed) to take a nap to refresh myself, but Goodfellas is one of the movies on my list that I inevitably stop what I'm doing to watch whenever it's on. When I can't make it through the whole thing, the scene I at least try to make it through is the one where Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) thinks he's being made ... and Jimmy Conway (Robert De Niro) is like a proud father waiting by the pay phone to find out when the deed was done. Except he found out it was the wrong deed when Tommy was whacked instead of made. And Jimmy made the phone call only to hear "Nah, there was a problem ... It's done, and ain't nothing can be done about it." And then Jimmy gets mad and beats the phone into the receiver.

When I got home from work Monday night at about a quarter past two in the morning, I wasn't expecting to wake up with any sort of earth shattering news. But I was reasonably sure that I was going to wake up to Willie Randolph being the manager of the Mets. That's why I wrote this during the game. It was satire. I was kidding.

I woke up instead at 6:30AM (entirely too early) with a kiss from my wife ... and three words whispered: "Willie Randolph's gone."

The first thing I thought of was the classic scene from Goodfellas. Because finding out about it the way that I did felt like a mob hit. There was a problem (actually, a few problems) and the deed was done. Ain't nothing can be done about it. Only instead of revenge for Billy Batts, it was punishment for lack of bats.

I spent today probably the same way most of you spent the day ... lamenting about the classless way that this was handled by the Mets. You know, making Randolph fly all the way to the left coast to fire him after one day, and then hear from Omar Minaya that it was because of the circus that had enveloped the team this past weekend (as if the previous month was a scene from Masterpiece Theatre) and that he wanted an extra day to "sleep on it" after he had made the decision Sunday (apparently not having a pocket schedule with him at the time), and also that he didn't want to fire somebody at the ballpark so he waited until Randolph got to the hotel to do it, hence the late hour. Oh, and did I mention the fact that he wanted Randolph to hear it from Minaya himself and not the media, even though the cat seemed to be already peeking out of the bag?

Classless? Yes.

Vapid and thoughtless? Certainly seems that way no matter what Omar says.

But let me ask a question of you. And ask this of yourself honestly: What did you expect?

I don't mean that in the "well the Wilpons have done this kind of non-sensical stuff before" sense, but in the "baseball is a business" sense. Baseball was bought and paid for a long time ago. It's been hammered in our heads that baseball is a business for a lot of years. And guess what: This kind of stuff happens all the time in the business world. So why wouldn't you expect this to happen though the thin veil of the public trust that baseball is supposed to fall under but never really seems to?

Yeah, it sucks. It sucks to be Willie Randolph tonight. The manner in which Randolph lost his job, whether you believe he should have ultimately lost his job or not, sucks. But in retrospect, we shouldn't have been surprised. And you ask why you should have sympathy for Willie, who lost his job while having a significant nest egg to fall back on while the rest of us struggle with our everyday jobs?

Because if the Wilpons do this to Willie Randolph, a supposed member of their baseball family, imagine how they'll treat you. Well, you don't have to imagine, between tiered pricing and $8 beers and waiting every last minute during a rain delay to sell those beers before announcing the cancellation of the game. So you already know that it's a business.

Oh, players like Tom Glavine will tell you that he originally signed by the Mets because the Wilpons were all about family ... but then they let this happen. Because to the Wilpons ... who are the one common thread woven through the likes of Al Harazin, Jeff Torborg, Bobby Bonilla, firecrackers, bleach, marijuana in peanut butter jars, Mike Piazza to first base, Shane Spencer and Karim Garcia instead of Vladimir Guerrero, and all of the underachieving, dysfunctional clubhouses we've been graced with over the last 20 years ... letting Randolph twist in the wind before firing him in the middle of the night is just murder by numbers at this point.

Now if you have a taste for this experience
And you're flushed with your very first success
Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less
-Murder by Numbers/The Police

Omar was right about one thing: It's not about the shortcomings of Willie Randolph. It usually isn't about the shortcomings of one person when a whole team is going badly, or not as good as they are going on paper. Changing a manager is like pulling a goalie in the NHL. It's usually not because the goalie himself is going bad, but because the team in front of him is skating in molasses or glue and making the goalie look bad. The Mets have been skating in molasses and glue since Memorial Day of '07. Or if you really want to find the true seminal moment, since Cecil Wiggins slammed into Filthy Sanchez's cab the night before the deadline in 2006. Randolph has made questionable moves ... as I'm sure all managers have in that time frame. But the team sure as hell has made him and his moves look bad.

I've admitted in the past that maybe it's been time for that new voice. And certainly, the Mets have had plenty of chances to relieve Randolph of his duties in a way that doesn't make the organization look like bumbling fools. But those at least as old as me know that the Mets don't do things the easy way. Even when the net is wide open they always seem to clang one off the post. The organizational types had plenty of chances this season to dump Willie the right way and give their fans a sign that they're not ready to give up the season and are ready to do anything they have to do to change the voice and charge up their roster.

Instead, they give their fans a peek into their vapid thought process, and have embarrassed them along the way. They make Willie sit through these awkward news conferences to announce that he wasn't losing his job, like that movie that tried to tell the story of the late night wars of the early nineties but ended up being one of those strange cult movies that also ... strangely ... is one of those movies that I watch whenever it's on. (Goodfellas and The Late Shift: the only time you'll see those two movies in the same sentence.) Where Jay Leno says that "hey, we've all gathered here at this news conference, and I have the job! We're here to celebrate the fact I haven't been fired yet!"

Instead, they fire Randolph after a 2,500 mile plane ride and one day in Anaheim. Good job, boys.

Instead, they fire Randolph, Rick Peterson, and Tom Nieto (an arbitrary choice if there ever was one), to try to put a charge in this roster. And Ken Oberkfell, who has been promoted to the coaching staff after managing in the Mets' minor league system for 13 years, joins the major league squad ... and would most likely be fired as part of a purge if there's a new GM next year. Way to see the fruits of 13 seasons riding buses in the minors.

And instead, Jose Reyes ... who's development has been tied to Randolph for years, and is one of the players expected to improve after Randolph's dismissal ... develops a beef with Manuel one play into the new era. One f***ing play! Manuel takes out Reyes as a precaution after he was flexing his leg a bit and tried to work through it. But Manuel, who wants to keep the roster fresh, saw taking out Reyes as an opportunity. Reyes threw a mini-fit and sulked off.

This gives you confidence for the rest of the season?

And there you have it. The Jerry Manuel era: kicked off with a fresh controversy, Reyes' injury replacement forgetting to cover second base on a successful pickoff play, and a rousing six singles. Not really the desired effect. And guess what folks: it's guaranteed to last the rest of the year ... the same guarantee that Randolph couldn't get because, in Minaya's words: "what if I gave Willie the guarantee for the rest of the year and then the club lost fifteen in a row?"

"You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody: You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.: You understand? We were good fellas."

Manuel, for the record, is only fourteen losses away from that mob mentality kicking in again.

Revelation

So Ronny Cedeno lines a single on a 1-2 pitch off of Aaron Heilman this past Monday ... a pitch that probably should have been nowhere near where it was ... and a Notre Dame fan comes up to me the next day and says to me: "Clearly, Aaron Heilman is the stupidest player to ever come out of Notre Dame."

From that, I waited for the next time Heilman imploded to use that to put together a new way to voice my displeasure with the way he's pitching. Thus came Thursday nights post.

One of the problems I have when I write is that I expect everyone to be in on the joke that was said to me in a one-on-one situation. It's a stupid assumption to make. Obviously, Aaron Heilman, a Notre Dame alum, is not a stupid person. thus the jist of the joke. Some people got it, others did not, and that's my fault. Sometimes, jokes don't work. Hey, every once in a while, a comic tells a joke in a club that bombs. It happens. The comic that doesn't tell bombs is the one that gets the HBO specials.

The comics that do? Well, some of them become lame bloggers.

(And let's face it, guys like Aaron Heilman ... or Joe Smith for that matter ... could care less about bloggers such as me saying they're stupid. Just sayin'.)

Does he made stupid decisions on 1-2 pitches that are up in the zone? Absolutely. Was that still bothering me at the time? You bet. Did my thoughts come clearly from brain to keyboard? No. What you got was less of a joke and more of a visceral, raw, childish reaction from me ... and that was the jist of the flak that came back at me from what I wrote yesterday.

The criticism is valid. Sometimes, I let a little of the visceral seep out in the matter that I did last night ... it took my best efforts not to just come on the blog and write "you suck" 500 times, which is how I was feeling at the time.

Here's how I'm feeling at this time: it's slowly becoming clear to me that it does me no good to get frustrated and call players stupid. To get that way about the 2008 New York Mets is to assume that this team is underperforming.

In actuality, and from what they've shown me not only with this 21 game sample size, but with their putrid offensive effort against the Atlanta Braves tonight, is that maybe ... just maybe ... the Mets aren't that good a baseball team.

At least, they may not be as good as we all think ... or as good as I thought. That's not to say they're that bad, and that's not to say that the season is over by any means. If anything, it looks like the rest of the teams in the N.L. East have been stuck in mediocrity as well, and that the Mets could still pull out this division with one quasi-hot streak somewhere down the line.

But I think we're slowly realizing that after 22 games, a sample size that isn't so small anymore, that 2006 may be forever dead and buried, and those that are expecting 2006 again should temper their expectations just a bit. Twenty Oh-Six was built on a record setting lineup, and a dynamite bullpen. Of course, everyone complained about the lack of starting pitching, but the 2006 dynamic worked until Game 7 of the NLCS.

It's two years later, and I think we all expected this team to basically be 2006 plus Johan Santana. Well, Johan is Johan. But 2006 is no longer. The bullpen outside of Billy Wagner (and now, Filthy Sanchez) isn't quite as deep as it was then. And this team does not have the monster lineup it once had. Part of it was evidenced by the two hit performance they put out tonight. Yes, we had to endure Raul Casanova and Damion Easley where Brian Schneider and the Ghost of Carlos Delgado should have been. But with Jose Reyes, David Wright, and Carlos Delgado all in slumps of various length, there's nothing around the rest of the lineup to pick up the slack. Two years ago, Jair Jurrjens would have been toast in that third inning where he was walking the park home and ticking off home plate ump Tim McClelland, because somebody would have gotten a huge knock to bring home two or three runs.

This season? No such luck. And unfortunately, if guys like Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran can't find their stroke, there are going to be more of these kind of nights than there were last season, which was more than there were the season before. Because counting on guys like Brian Schneider (when healthy) and Angel Pagan to keep up their torrid paces is just ... plain ... not realistic.

(You were waiting for another word, perhaps?)

Twenty-two games into the season, I see a team like the Arizona Diamondbacks that's dominating with their starting pitching, yet also unexpectedly dominating with their lineup. I see a team like the Chicago Cubs that have seemingly adopted a whole new approach to hitting that has seemingly rejuvenated their team this year ... but with the Mets, I see the same old song and dance that killed them last year. And it's frustrating. It's maddening!

It's stupid!!!

But it just may be what we have to deal with the rest of the season. At least until that hot streak we're all hoping for. And that is my revelation.

Road Trippin'

I assume, because I can't tell you from first hand knowledge, that this isn't the kind of game you would have wanted to watch while on a drug trip.

Without the benefit of controlled substances that alter your mind, it was trippy enough drifting out of a fifteen minute long sleep hearing Gary Cohen yell about a long David Wright drive to center field, and then exclaim "The Mets win the game!" only to find out that it was only a dopey commercial for SNY. Then to see Damion Easley lead off the 14th with a chopping single to the left side while thinking it was a flashback to the 12th when Easley led off that inning with a single that looked exactly the same, and then realizing that it was actually the fourteenth, that was enough to make me see colors while turning my hand back and forth.

But when Joel Hanrahan sent Easley to second on a wild pitch, then to third on a throwing error, then struck out Ryan Church for the second out, then walk Wright and Carlos Delgado to force the Mets to use Brian Schneider ... their last position player off the bench ... while only thinking to warm up Scott Schoeneweis at the moment that Delgado was walked (way to think ahead), then have the whole delicious scenario of seeing the Mets fly blind for a couple of innings only to have Hanrahan throw another wild pitch and call the whole thing moot anyway?

You mind as well have put me in the Heavy Metal movie trailer at that point. I was all tripped out at that point without the benefit of drugs. It was just weird.

Sure, you say extra inning wins are fun. Sure they are. But not heading into the Philly series with Filthy having pitched two straight days, Joe Smith having pitched two straight days, Schoeneweis having warmed up 28 times in six innings, and Aaron Heilman having pitched four straight scoreless outings, which means he's overdue for a meltdown.

No seriously, good job Aaron. I fail to give him credit when he deserves it. And Aaron deserves it. Now don't make me look like a moron and implode against the Phillies.

(Now watch him do it just to spite me.)

And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Nelson Figueroa, who had his second superb outing in a row (seven K's in seven innings, along with seven brides for seven brothers) further distancing himself from fifth starter experiments gone horribly wrong. Speaking of which, Jose Lima just got released by the Kia Tigers in Korea. Does it mean his career is over? Or does it mean there's a rotation spot in New Orleans waiting for him? Only time will tell.

On to Philly. The Amtrak food service car is now open ... enjoy.

How Chan Ho Park Still Hurts The Mets

Only in Flushing can a guy who had a stat line of .295/.351/.421 in 190 at bats, along with getting some big hits (specifically against Ryan Dempster) can be put on waivers and allowed to be picked up by the Braves to make room for a guy who gets to spring training late because of visa problems, and then when he gets here, goes 7-for-33. But he can play more positions, so in he goes, and out goes the baby with the bath water.

No wait, think of the hypocrisy of this, if you will. This is an organization that has no problem taking a guy and putting him in positions he doesn't normally play. But they don't think about putting Gotay in the outfield? And why would they need to, with Marlon Anderson and Damion Easley on the team to play first base? Someone has gotta tell me how Fernando Tatis makes sense? Because on a random April day in 1999, Tatis hit two grand slams in an inning? Don't even try telling me that has nothing to do with it ... because this guy wouldn't have been invited to spring training if that wasn't on his resume.

And by the way, do you know who those two grand slams came off of? Chan Ho Park. Chan Ho Flippin' Park! That's why Ruben Gotay is an Atlanta Brave: because Chan Ho Park gave up two grand slams in an inning in 1999! Chan Ho Park hasn't been on the Mets in months, and he's still retroactively killing us (albeit in a Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey kind of way).

Two days before opening day, and I'm already sobbing myself to sleep. Maybe this is the season I finally get that ulcer I've been cultivating. (The 2008 Mets: Your Ulcer Has Come).

All Right, I'll Be The First

You saw the collapse last season.

You saw that strange news conference that basically announced that Willie Randolph was not going to be fired, where Willie looked extra lost without the mustache.

You saw Omar Minaya keep up his end of the bargain by acquiring one of the best pitchers in baseball (of course, I'm talking about Brian Stokes.)

So the question must be asked: What happens if the Mets start the season by falling behind the Braves, the Phillies, and even the Nationals by a good amount of games ... then what? When a team on paper as good as the Mets have, assuming that a slow start isn't caused by a key injury or two (or five), what's the quickest way to improve the team?

Do you make a trade? With the bulk of the top minor leaguers gone in the Johan Santana deal, good luck getting an impact player back.

Fire a coach to send a message? Rick Down would like to remind you that they've tried that already.

Raise ticket prices mid-season? Don't tempt the Wilpons.

That leaves one option: Willie Randolph.

He has to know. He's got to know. After last season's news conference, he's gotta know that his job could be on the line ... even if his job shouldn't be on the line. Because if that 3-8 start comes to fruition, somebody in the mainstream media is going to write it (and that someone will no doubt be Wally Matthews). And once that happens, the onslaught will snowball (too many metaphors?) to the point where Willie is going to feel the heat every day even if he never lets you see him sweat.

If that 3-8 start comes to fruition, you could probably read the comments before anybody writes 'em.

• How could Willie take Santana out in that situation, Omar only paid $137 and a half million for him! He's gotta go!
• Marlon Anderson to the plate against a lefty when you got Damion Easley sitting on the bench?
• Willie can't handle a small child much less a bullpen!

You know how I know those comments are coming if the Mets start 3-8? Because the comments would be there if the Mets start 8-3! A slow start combined with, say, Jimmy Rollins reminding everybody why he's the reigning N.L. MVP, and the Willie Randolph watch begins.

So I'll be the first to ask you this (because someone has to): Is Willie Randolph on the hot seat right now ... before the season even begins?

Sweating The Small Stuff

All right, all right. So Johan Santana is finally, officially a Met (get your jerseys to commemorate the occasion) and we can all relax for the 12 days until pitchers and catchers report. Right?

Well the roster seems to be set ... if you look at the depth chart (which will eventually be updated with Johan's name in place of Jason Vargas), everybody seems to have a purpose from the bench players (between Marlon Anderson, Endy Chavez, Fluff Castro and Damion Easley, all the positions should be covered) and the bullpen, there doesn't seem to be a wasted spot available, as there was when the Mets had Julio Franco, his .112 batting average and his timely knack for hitting into those clutch double plays. But 13 pitchers seem to be a bit much, especially if Orlando Hernandez is going to be the fifth starter instead of Mike Pelfrey, and the Mets decide to send Pelfrey down instead of making him sit around collecting dust bunnies in the bullpen. Then it would be time for that extra bench guy. So who's it gonna be?

Jose Valentin: Familiarality with the organization, plus a soothing effect on Jose Reyes (like Pepto Bismol, I guess) are big pros. Injuries, and the fact that he plays positions that are already taken care of by Easley and Anderson are a negative. Maybe he should rub some Pepto on his joints. Odds: 3-1

Kenny Lofton: The fact that he's been on a playoff team every season from 1995-2007 (minus '05) is a plus. Negatives? Well none of those teams have won the whole thing, and lately he's presided over a 3-1 series lead against the Marlins (Steve Bartman), a 3-0 series lead over the Red Sox (we know how that went), and a 3-1 series lead over the Red Sox (Boston is Kenny's kryptonite, obviously). Not that Lofton had much to do with those collapses ... in fact, Lofton had a very good personal playoff run last season (at least against the Yankees, he only hit .222 against Boston). But if Kenny was graded on mojo and karma, he'd be in existential summer school. Odds: 15-1

Kevin Mench: Now we're talking, right? Righty pop off the bench is a plus. Mench has a career .465 slugging percentage, and 84 K's per 600 AB's isn't horrible. But here's what is horrible: Mench would probably be a pinch hitter on a lot of occasions to try to either break games open, or get the Mets back in the game with one swing. Check out Mench's numbers as a pinch hitter: Peeeeeeeeeee-yoooooooooooooou! Career: 51 PA's and 47 AB's: one lonely HR and a batting average of .106 ... that's not only on the interstate, that's an interstate you'd only find on those kind of roads in Pennsylvania that you drive on in the dead of night and think "I wonder if this is that kind of road where the aliens hang out and beam people up from." Odds: 25-1

Bobby Kielty: Kielty hit a huge home run for the Red Sox in their clinching World Series game against Colorado, and if Ryan Church turns out to be a disaster, Kielty could be that right-handed platoon player that helps save the offense. Ironically, Santana's trade to the Mets would end any hopes of Kielty going back to Boston unless they traded Coco Crisp in a separate trade. Best part about Kielty is that he's a career .281 pinch hitter. Downside: His overall stats are nothing spectacular. And he has big, bright, orange hair. Imagine Sideshow Bob as a Met. Is this a future you want for your children? Odds: 35-1

Chris Shelton: Now here's a guy worth taking a look at. Shelton is currently a member of the Rangers organization, but not on the 40 man roster after Texas acquired pitcher Kazuo Fukumori. You remember Shelton as the guy who hit 2,000 (10) HR's for the Detroit Tigers in April of 2006 and he was everybody's superstud of the year, and the world made him the most popular fantasy pick-up in the free world on May 1st of that year. So if Shelton was up with the Mets in April of '08 he could do some serious damage. The problem is that the season doesn't end on May 1st, and Shelton played his way into the minors for all of 2007, where he only hit 14 HR's for Toledo. Not Arlington, Seattle, or even Florida ... Toledo. Besides, he would probably cost a minor leaguer in return, and I'm not sure we have any more of those after getting Santana. Odds: 45-1

Barry Bonds: Now there's some pop off the bench. Downside: Would there be room in the lockerroom for that big reclining chair? Odds: 2,000,000-1

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The Crux Of What Grinds My Gears

Because sometimes it takes days of reflection, lots of miniature hot dogs wrapped in blankets, and an inability to let go of the past that takes me to the very Gamma and Alpha of what really makes me upset about this whole Paul Lo Duca thing.

Dan Marino.

Oh, I guess I have to explain that (I keep forgetting that nobody has brainwaves as warped as mine.)

I'll never forget being speechless that day in 1994 when the New York Jets blew a 24-6 lead in the fourth quarter against the Miami Dolphins...a game that culminated in the two words that still sends shivers down my spine: fake spike.

Two weeks later, the Jets played the Lions in a game that seemed like a funeral procession. It was one of those typical Barry Sanders games where every time he carried the ball the Jets would stop him in the backfield...except of course for those one or two carries Sanders would go for gains of anywhere between 70-90 yards. The Jets couldn't get a damn thing going on offense and lost 18-6. It was the first day that I ever remember hearing the term "back up the truck", as in "BACK UP THE TRUCK, GET RID OF ALL OF 'EM! THIS TEAM IS GARBAGE!!!"

Yes, that team was garbage, as they went from 6-5 to 6-10 before you can say "Pete Carroll".

Back then, 1994 at the Meadowlands counted as a collapse of epic proportions, and "back up the truck" never seemed so apropos of something. The thing that Jets team needed mentally was for the losing attitude to be washed out. The roster was good, but it was old. Some players needed to go if for no other reason than the fact that the last thing the team needed was for too many players hanging around who were still shell shocked from losing the last five games of the season. If that meant that some babies had to go with the bathwater, so be it.

And that's what the Jets tried to do going into 1995, as they got rid of their head coach (Carroll), and solid core players like their leading receiver (Rob Moore), a Hall of Fame safety (Ronnie Lott), a Hall of Fame wideout (or at least Art Monk should be in the Hall, the one bright spot in that Lions game was seeing Monk break the all-time record for consecutive games with a catch), and a Pro-Bowl calibre cornerback (James Hasty, who's in the above photo as a spectator to disaster).

(Of course, they replaced Carroll with Rich Kotite and won four games over the next two seasons, but that's neither here nor there. The idea of roster turnover was a sound one back then, and maybe they didn't get rid of enough players.)

Fast forward to November of 2007, soon after the Mets made five straight losses in 1994 seem less like a collapse and more like a mere life lesson. If there's ever a need for some roster turnover where some babies go out with the bathwater, it's the current New York Mets. Instead it looks more and more like the Mets, whether it be out of the lack of options that are out there, or the thinking that the '07 Mets are less shell shocked and more determined and motivated by their collapse, have decided to go into '08 with basically the same team that fell apart in '07, keeping guys like Moises Alou and Damion Easley...and at least making an effort to re-sign Luis Castillo before their recurring, inexplicable fascination with converting shortstops into second basemen has taken hold yet again.

(Will this franchise ever learn? I mean really, David Eckstein's the best they can do? But that's another entry for another time, my friends.)

Of course the one guy who unequivocally, according to Mets brass at least, cannot come back under any circumstances, is Paul Lo Duca. If you believe what Jon Heyman said on Friday, the Mets blame Lo Duca for calling the wrong pitches in 2006 (I guess that includes the one that Guillermo Mota shook off before Scott Spiezio sent it to the top of the wall in Game 2 of the Cardinals series, right?) And the fact that they ignored Lo Duca this winter as if he had a communicable disease (you can make your own joke about the Long Island bar scene if you wish, I'll refrain) tells me that the Mets blame Lo Duca for Scott Spiezio, for the entire 2006 playoffs, for the collapse this past September, for Jose Reyes' slump, for the Scott Kazmir trade, for Jimmy Rollins' proclamation, for Rickey Henderson, for the lines at Shea Stadium's bathrooms, for traffic on I-80, for Michigan losing to Appalachian State, and for Bobby Thomson's home run in 1951.

I have to say, in all of the dissecting and re-dissecting
I've seen and made on September's collapse, well down on the list...if it's even on the list...is Paul Lo Duca's pitch calling. But that is the scapegoat that the Mets are selling us. I ask you, with all of the other deficiencies facing the Mets, is that fair? Because so far, that's what the Mets are telling us...they're telling us that everyone else on the Mets wants to win next season except Paul Lo Duca.

Perhaps I'm overreacting. I admit I'm not the most level headed guy in the room even when I'm in a room by myself. And I'm fully aware that there could be some major changes for the better between now and the winter caravan, although Omar Minaya is going to have to be a special kind of creative to do it now that Yorvit Torrealba is apparently going to try to bat higher than the Manhattan area code somewhere else. But I can't help thinking that because we're not seeing the wholesale cleansing as we did with the Jets in 1994, one man is taking the blame for three weeks of bad baseball...and worse off, it's the wrong man.

To Your Health

You ever watch a Met game at Shea and wonder aloud: "what have you been drinking?"

Once a night, you say?

Then you'll be interested in this tale about a former Met, from a book excerpt via the fine folks at FanHouse:

Interestingly, another Padre, center fielder Mike Cameron, had a more intimate experience with game-day tipsiness:

"Sh-t, I've played drunk.

"When?"New York City.

"What were the circumstances?

"I went four for four with two jacks and eight ribbies. I'm not saying that's the only day I played drunk, but that was the best one."

So how long before we find out about all of the substances the 2007 Mets were on during the last three weeks of the season? Greenies? Doobies? Frosted Mini-Wheats? When? When will we know?

And if they weren't on anything, don't you think they should have been?

Pass the courvoisier.

***

Hey, the Mets are bringing back Moises Alou and Damion Easley! So much for that whole "let's get younger" thing. Maybe they'll stick around for the 2009 grand opening of our brand new park...which apparently is going to have all the angst of the old park at double the price (if you believe in that whole feng shui stuff.

***

The fine folks at Maxim magazine think that we, as baseball fans, get excited over some pretty dumb things.

Peanut vendors who throw the bag. Every section's got one and, somehow,every section is filled with people who are impressed. Go ahead and whoop it up for the 50-year-old man in the neon shirt whose only skill is throwing bags of snacks accurately, but we choose to pity him.

Actually, we whoop it up for him because we're secretly hoping that the Mets will sign the guy in the neon shirt to replace Guillermo Mota in the bullpen. Look, Ed Glynn was a hot dog vendor before he reached the majors. And when he got to the majors, he...well, he wasn't that great, but that's probably because it's hard to throw hot dogs accurately (especially with all that ketchup on it).

But I'll take the 54-year-old Glynn over Mota, any day of the week. And that, my friends, is why we cheer the peanut vendor.

Summoning Mr. Marlin, The Barbarian

If you're going to bring in every former Marlin known to man, then you mind as well get Mr. Marlin.

Jeff Conine was a necessary get for the New York Mets, with the injury to Damion Easley. He is also a great get as he provides right handed pop off the bench, and prevents the brass from having to worry about what would happen if they ever had to see Anderson Hernandez play in another major league game.

Here's what I like best about Jeff Conine: He has a grill. Rusty Staub also had a grill. Rusty got a lot of pinch hits despite obviously overindulging in the leftovers from his rib place. Conine, who is in much better shape and is marginally faster than Rusty, will be asked to do the same...I mean get pinch hits, not eat all his leftovers, which he obviously has refrained from. I'm not sure if it's Jeff's greater will power than Rusty, or that the food isn't that great that Jeff has been able to resist it for so many years, but in either case good for Jeff, and good for us.

(Conine's "Clubhouse Grille" is in Hollywood, FL...just off of I-95. That means that most likely, Shane Spencer has either been drunk, involved in a bar fight, and/or arrested there at least once in his life. I'm not sure about what kind of karma that brings, but it's karma nonetheless.)

Oh, you want like, tangible reasons to like Jeff Conine. All right, try this on for size: Career average as a pinch hitter: .292. Career with a runner on third and less than two men out (you know, those situations that make you pull your hair out because the Mets can never get anybody in): .356 (and that's 344 RBI's in 340 at bats in those situations).

And before you're thinking that most of that damage came when he was an all-star and that he can't do it anymore now that he's 41 years old: His 2007 numbers as a pinch hitter: .409. His 2007 numbers with a runner on third and less than two outs: .500. That's half his at bats!

OK, so he only had eight at-bats in that situation this season. But how many times would you expect the Reds to have had a runner on third base this season? They are after all, 54-70. (Yeah, keep picking on the Reds stupid...you'll only be there in September, do you want to get killed? Why not just wear your Buddy Harrelson jersey and make sure you die!) Oh, and that 4 for 8 had bore the fruit of 14 RBI's.

But it really doesn't matter what he's done in the past...only that he's done it in the past. (And that he's a Met at the cost of A-ballers Sean Henry and Jose Castro, which as long as one of them doesn't grow up to be Jason Bay is fine by me. And even if one of them does? Hey, there's a difference between filling a need for a team that's five games in front, and making a pointless trade for a team that never had any business making the playoffs anyway.)

And if Conine does it in the future like he's done it in the past, maybe he'll shed that "Mr. Marlin" tag temporarily and become our very own: Mr. Met!

Oh relax, I'm kidding. Now turn that frown upside down and throw me a towel.

Gross Instability

As someone who has turned his ankle a few times, let me be the first to say...

Ouch.

You can always tell when I'm coming by the clicking sound that my ankle makes when it's involved in the process of walking. You see, one too many turned left ankles on the basketball court ended that 0.00001% chance of me becoming the next Larry Bird (lousy bone chips). After Damion Easley's left ankle hit the ground on Saturday (with no Lawrence Taylor to expedite the process as he did with a certain former Redskins QB turned ESPN announcer in the exact same stadium), I wonder if he's going to hear that same clicking sound for a while after Easley was diagnosed with a Grade 3 sprain.

Grade three, if you're wondering, is really bad.

"Complete tear of the ligament. If the examiner pulls or pushes on the ankle joint in certain movements, gross instability occurs."

Of course, this would happen about an inning after Easley's immeasurable value was being discussed in the booth during tonight's game. What does this mean? It means Shawn Green at first base against lefties until Carlos Delgado gets back. Please get well soon, Carlos. And Damion...well, just get well. Soon may be too much to ask.

(You know, I hear Jose Offerman's available.)

And of course this would happen after the Mets lost another catcher to the DL today, as Fluff Castro still has an arthritic back.

(I know about bad backs. I also know of the rigors of catching, as I was pressed into duty as an emergency catcher for a company team in a tournament some years back...I wasn't even a part of that company but they begged me. That was their first mistake. Let's just say that it was so bad that I got special dispensation from the umpire to wear my shin guards while I was batting...because it wasn't like I was making contact with the ball anyway and if I did, It wasn't like I could get much slower. I just didn't want to break my toe fouling a ball off. So how bad was I? Let's just say that it's a good thing that this boxscore is never going to show up on Retrosheet or anything like that. And by the way, Alberto Castillo laughs at me.)

But otherwise, this was an extremely productive night in the standings for the Mets as they have gained a game on their competition with a 7-4 victory, coupled with Micah Owings having a little league game against the Braves, and the Pirates coming back from four down against the Phillies At least they've never done that against the Met...oh, wait.

I like the fact that Oliver Perez gutted through his six innings. But I'm still wondering if he's hit some sort of wall. He is lacking a little bit of velocity and an ever so slight bit of movement. It's a good sign when Perez can win with guile like Tom Glavine does, because maybe he can use these smarts when his stuff comes back.

I just hope he doesn't have to do it that often.

I wonder if John Lannan would have rather given up number 756 to Barry Bonds than give up Luis Castillo's first home run in one year, one month, and two days (or 674 at-bats if you choose to count that way). Between breaking Chase Utley's hand, pitching to Bonds, and now this, it's already been a lifetime of cool memories about John Lannan. (I can't wait until he mathematically eliminates the Mets from playoff contention in 2014 with a two-hitter. You know it's coming.)

(P.S. My crack staff has been following Guillermo Mota around after tonight's game. Apparently he was seen visiting every White Castle in the D.C. area...hoping that with all the sliders they have, maybe they're the ones that stole his by mistake. If he finds it, he can always reapply it in cream or clear form.)

Old Men Need Oxygen

But when the old men need oxygen because they're sprinting around the bases at a high rate of speed, that's a good thing. It was certainly a good thing for Damion Easley today. Unfortunately, Easley (and Moises Alou, who only had to travel 180 feet) needed to be hosed down after his jaunt around the bases on his inside the park home run in the seventh inning. But fortunately...he hit an inside the park home run in the seventh inning.

(Give Alou a break though...poor guy has been doing nothing but running into walls and running into Lastings Milledge non-stop for the last 48 hours, yet still had the energy to get three hits in the last two days.)

It's fun to have games like the one we had this afternoon, a 12-4 victory over Milwaukee with one of our plethora of fifth starters going...this time Brian Lawrence, who got his first win since Game 3 of the 1979 World Series (that's exaggeration speak for August 16th, 2005). Not only is it fun because of the bushel full of runs scored, but because the other team is having fights in the dugout instead of the Mets, which is not a good sign for the other team, but a good sign for us. (Heck, I don't know another team that wouldn't fight after giving up an RBI ground rule double to Jorge Sosa...I would want to kill my manager after that, too.)

Lawrence will be cheered for his efforts today, a five inning outing in which he struck out three and didn't walk anyone, giving up three runs. It's all about perspective, as Mike Pelfrey had a similar outing against Washington last Saturday, giving up three runs in six innings, walking one and striking out five. Pelfrey, with his electric but straight fastball, was booed off the mound. While Lawrence, with his surgically repaired slider, gets an A for effort.

Lawrence was outpitched by a third of an inning. No, not by opposing starter Chris Capuano, but by Pedro Martinez down in Port St. Lucie. Martinez threw 50 strikes out of 67 pitches, and said that he felt better as he went along (while only hitting 86-88 on the radar gun so far). It's still a long road ahead for Pedro, but at least he's actually on the interstate, and not off the beaten path. And yes, I will still act as if Pedro does not exist until he takes his act to a major league stage...only for my own good.

I would also prefer to act as if this new and improved Braves lineup with Mark Teixeira doesn't exist either, but unfortunately it does. At this time, they have wiped out a 5-1 Astros lead with relative ease, proving that this is going to be a lineup that the Mets are going to have to reckon with the rest of the season. Which is bad because now that TBS has decided to put a microphone near Chatterbox Bobby Cox in the dugout, his voice is starting to grate on me like nails on a chalkboard. And I'm about to put my head through a damn wall. And the more runs the Braves score, the more I'm going to want to bleed through my eyes. This can't last.

And Willie Harris is starting to really get on my nerves (lousy Woody Williams...)

Looie Love

People will paint the Luis Castillo trade as the Mets responding to the Braves' trade for Mark Teixeira, and attempt at Octavio Dotel. And that's silly because I'm sure Omar Minaya was working on this long before those deals went down. It's not like Omar was watching ESPNEWS and saw that little box that said "Braves Trade For Teixeira Pending, Omar Had Better Get to Work", and all of a sudden brushed the cookie crumbs off of his Aquaman pajamas and rushed to the phone.

But knowing that the Braves were hot on the Tex trail meant the Mets had to do something...but they were going to do something anyway. And Castillo is just what they needed. I've wanted Castillo for years. Don't believe me? Comb through my blog. You will find plenty of evidence of my man crush on Castillo. I work with a Twins fan. When the Twins initially got Castillo, I cursed that guy out. He didn't deserve it, as it was a classic case of transference. But that's how much I wanted Luis Castillo.

Remember, this isn't merely an upgrade at second base. If it was solely about second base, then Ruben Gotay would hit eighth for the rest of our natural lives and we'd be finished. But this trade was about the two hole. Paul Lo Duca wasn't given a chance to be the regular two-hole hitter, and for the life of me I couldn't understand it. Lo Duca isn't the same hitter this season as he was last season, but in part I think it's because of his changed role in the lineup. Instead, Jose Reyes has had a revolving door behind him, and it's been no small coincidence that you would see Reyes stranded at third base every first inning. Castillo ends the revolving door once and for all, and once everybody gets healthy (I'm talking to you, Mr. Abdominal Strain), that lineup becomes as stable as the Rock of Gibraltar, or any old rock you want to name, for the first time since last season.

The move also strengthens the bench without trading for a bench guy, as Gotay provides versatility along with Damion Easley. And Jose Valentin can even play some outfield along with second base when he gets back. Anybody who thinks that these guys aren't going to play a big part with the Mets down the stretch just hasn't looked at the team's medical reports lately.

It may not be the last move the Mets make until tomorrow at 4PM (perhaps there's some bullpen help coming as Tampa's Al Reyes is a possibility), but it will probably be the biggest move the Mets make. And while it isn't as big as the Teixeira deal, it's big in that it may have just as much of a ripple effect on the Mets lineup as Tex will have on Atlanta's lineup. So game on.

I'll Have A Side Order Of Life With My Angel Of Death

It's weird to be typing about Saturday at the same time that a game is happening on Sunday. But I've been like a school delinquent lately. Late to the night game on Saturday night (didn't show up until the third inning), then when it came time to come home and do my homework, I zonked out. I was almost hoping that the impending thunderstorms would wipe today out, which would have been the equivalent of the professor not showing up, giving me an extra few hours to do my homework, but alas no. So here I am in the fifth inning of Sunday's good news, frantically doing my homework assignment from Saturday.

Mike Pelfrey and I aren't compatible. My first Pelfrey start in 2007 was the Milwaukee debacle, so it wasn't like I was anxious to watch him pitch. Maybe...subconsciously...I wanted to show up to Shea late, which would have been the equivalent of Curt Schilling on the bench during the 1993 World Series covering his eyes every time Mitch Williams pitched.

No, he waited for my arrival to make a 1-0 game into a 3-0 game. I guess he showed me...my angel of death.

But on the heels of Saturday's daytime victory, Saturday night's game was nothing if not entertaining, and probably a bit baffling for the Elias Sports crew, trying to figure out if Saturday night's game was the first time that three-fifths of a starting rotation made appearances in the same game, and if it was the first time that a Duke pinch ran for a Duke.

When Pelfrey was brought up between games of the doubleheader for Anderson Hernandez, we knew deep down that a scenario in which Tom Glavine would pinch hit in the ninth inning could happen. But I'm not going to put myself in the camp of blaming Willie Randolph for that. When Paul Lo Duca hurt his hammy, Castro was on deck to pinch hit. But the injury necessitated Castro to go in for Lo Duca. So instead of making a double switch which would have put the pitchers spot up seventh (you would have needed a pinch hitter there anyway), that's when Hernandez ran for Lo Duca, and Marlon Anderson pinch hit. Either way, both players would have been burned. The only issue that I have with that is that it probably would have been better served to let Castro pinch hit against the lefty Ray King, and then burn Marlon Anderson in the eighth against righty Jon Rauch. And perhaps you could argue that Damion Easley was burned too soon. But that's splitting hairs.

It does, however, underscore a need for a stronger bench, and perhaps Omar Minaya is thinking about somebody like Jeff Conine to come in at little cost to him. Conine would be a great addition to the bench and would come highly endorsed by me, despite having a nickname of "Mr. Marlin", which would just be weird. But I'll throw another name at you. He's out there, but nobody has talked about his potential arrival at Shea Stadium. Ready?

How about Mike Piazza?

Look, I'm not a big fan of making moves out of sentimentality. Show me a general manager who's making moves for the sake of tugging at a few heartstrings and I'll show you either a team that's in fourth place, or a general manager who should probably be fired. Sure, Piazza wearing a Met uniform again would have sentimental value. But with Willie Randolph liking three catchers on the roster, and with the bench requiring some pop (and especially if Lo Duca's hamstring injury lingers a little longer than desired), trading for Mike Piazza would also be a solid baseball move. And as long as Oakland wants to get rid of him, and as long as it's for a cheap price, why not? Mike can pinch hit with ferocity, catch a couple of times a week, even play first base against a tough lefthan...

I'm kidding Mike, I'm kidding. Put down the bat.

With Piazza in the fold, you avoid a situation like you had on Saturday night where Glavine was part of the triad that went down meekly against Chad Cordero (hey, let's trade for that guy too, it'll be fun!) And the electricity you bring to the park during a key late inning at-bat just may be enough to rattle an opposing pitcher. Will it happen? We'll find out soon enough as Monday is an off day, and you know that inactivity is the devil's handiwork. So Omar isn't going to get any sleep from here to there.

Hold your collective breaths, ladies and gentlemen.

How I Reflected Upon My Life On My Day Off, By: The New York Mets

(Friday morning, in a dark dingy Yankee Stadium lockerroom...)

Willie Randolph: All right gang...you were all told to write a paper telling me what you've learned over this bad stretch of games, and how you reflected on it during your day off. I would like for you all to read your paper out loud. David, we'll start with you:

David Wright: What I did on my day off, by David Wright. First, I went to the Vitamin Water people to pose for a new advertisement, and then I shot a new commercial for MLB 2007. Then I read "The Winner Within" by Pat Riley to help make myself the best leader I could be. The end.

WR: Very good David. And how did it help you see how you can help us turn this around?

DW: I learned that when you see a fork in the road you should take it.

WR: Very good. Anything else?

DW: Uh, a raised fist means to go to the post?

WR: Okay then. Let's have someone else read their paper, eh...how about you, Aaron?

Aaron Heilman: I also read a book. I read Sandy Koufax's autobiography.

WR: Very good choice. And what did you learn?

AH: I learned a lot of helpful hints about being a good starting pitcher. He went into the mindset and the preparation necessary to be a starting pitcher in the major leagues.

WR: That's great, but...you do realize that you're a reliever. Have you learned anything about being a good relief pitcher?

AH: I learned that middle relief pitchers don't get book deals.

WR: Astute. What about you, Jose?

Jose Reyes: I hit the gym and did some extra laps in the pool...I gotta tell you, I feel great!

Carlos Beltran: And I picked him up from the gym and drove him home.

WR: That's great guys! That was a very nice thing to do Carlos, driving your friend home.

JR: Yeah, well...

CB: Shut up Jose!

WR: What? What happened?

JR: Carlos drove me to my neighborhood but then had to ask a policewoman for directions.

CB: Shut up Jose! You know it's been a while since I drove anybody home and I got confused.

WR: Well...it was still a very nice thing for you to do. And what did you learn?

CB: That I need Mapquest to drive a teammate home?

WR: Very good. Hey Joe, I see you ducking in the back. What did you do on your day off?

Joe Smith: I took a picture of myself and made it into a Sports Illustrated cover because I'm going to be a famous pitcher one day.

WR: Arts and crafts I see. And what did you learn?

JS: I learned to use scissors and crayons.

WR: All right then. How about you Paulie, what did you do on your day off?

Paul Lo Duca: I killed a guy.

WR: Why?

PLD: He looked at me funny.

WR: Did you do anything else?

PLD: I killed another guy.

WR: How come?

PLD: He flipped his bat in an American Legion game.

WR: And did you learn anything?

PLD: When you're pushed, killing is as easy as breathing.

Billy Wagner: Lighten up, Rambo.

WR: Hey Billy, what did you do yesterday?

BW: I looked for Filthy Sanchez, he owes me money.

WR: Did you find him?

BW: I thought I saw him at a gas station in Oyster Bay.

Jose Valentin: Really? I could have sworn I saw him at the food court at the Green Acres Mall.

Damion Easley: No no no, I saw him yesterday on top of the Statue of Liberty.

WR: Well, Rome wasn't built in a day. We'll work on finding Duaner during our next off day. Moises, what did you do yesterday?

Moises Alou: I've put every legal drug in my quad muscle and I still can't walk.

WR: And what did that teach you?

MA: That I'm old. I'm very, very old.

Julio Franco: Settle down, you're not that old, junior.

WR: What did you do on your day off Julio?

JF: The cage...all day. Worked on my ability to pull the ball.

WR: And what did that teach you?

JF: That you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

WR: Great. All right then, you're all dismissed. Now go out there today and make me proud.

Yo-Yos

"Keeping a yo-yo spinning while remaining at the end of its uncoiled string is known as sleeping. Sleeping is the basis for nearly all yo-yo tricks, the player first putting the yo-yo in a "sleep" before throwing the yo-yo around using its string. In competition, mastery of sleeping is the basis for the 1A division." -from Wikipedia, on yo-yo's

In major league baseball competition, the basis for beating the Mets is throwing your curveball and pulling the uncoiled string until the lineup, and half the fans, are put to sleep. Doug Davis, who has a WHIP of 1.62, held the Mets to six hits and three walks (two by Paul Lo Duca, and two in the eighth inning) with his major league curveball today in leading the Diamondbacks to a 4-1 win, and the first series win against the Mets by someone outside of the division (and fourth overall).

Obviously, the Mets caught Davis on a bad day...well, a good day for him. Davis had struggled with his control in May until his last game against Philadelphia when he didn't walk any batters in eight innings. Today, the curve reminded me of a yo-yo on a string, getting Met after Met to sit and stay like puppies at obedience school. Of course, for all of Davis' outs, the most important out of the day was the only one acquired by Tony Pena in the eighth...the one where Damion Easley had the bases loaded with two outs and grounded out to third base (after he barely missed a three run double with a grounder foul...I have my doubts about that foul call but it was indeed close) to end the only legitimate threat of the day.

And what makes me angry about that is...well, how many freakin' Tony Penas are there in this league? There's the shortstop (who apparently is known as Tony F. Pena even though he never hit a big home run against the Red Sox), there's the shortstop's father who shows up in all those old Dwight Gooden reels striking out and having his batting helmet fall off while falling to one knee. And now there's the pitcher...and I don't even know if he's related or not. I mean, I don't think so...but dude, can't you change your name? Anthony? Antonio? Jebediah?

Seriously, I'm old. I can't keep up anymore. More than one Tony Pena, just like more than one catching Molina brother, just tends to piss me off.

To Ruben, I Offer My Kingdom

A day game after a night game means that folks are going to be tired. Apparently, the folks who change the Topps cards to reflect the batting order over the ticket windows were too tired as well. We all went in thinking that Damion Easley was batting third again. But it was last night's lineup, as we found out when David Wright announced himself as the third hitter. Apparently, everyone in the house was presently surprised as the crowd in the section of right field that couldn't see the scoreboard let out a collective "Oh? Ooh! Yeeeeah!"

Nice of the Shea staff to keep us on our toes. Thanks, we're awake now.

Even with Sugar Pants back the Mets are still going to need help from the bench, and Gotay has given it to them. Omar traded Jeff Keppinger for Ruben Gotay and I wondered what the point was. Here was the point: Gotay made sure I saw my first victory this season. That's the point. So I should sit down and shut up. Thanks Ruben. I needed to be at a victory this season or else I would have had a complex going. And the last thing I needed was another one. (Heck I would have been satisfied with just getting through nine innings without any debilitating injuries.)

And boy, you thought Chris Russo complained heavily about Carlos Delgado's dances with Jose Reyes? Forget it. Even I could see from right field that the dance Delgado did with Gotay was not only rehearsed, but choreographed by Paula Abdul and taken straight out of the movie "Chicago" (I mean, not that I saw it or anything...I'm just assuming). I thought Eddie Van Halen was going to jump out of the stands and start playing the "Beat It" solo.

Not that I'm hating...I wish I could dance like that.

I don't suppose that in hindsight, the Yankees wish they had signed Jorge Sosa, do ya?

Well in hindsight, everyone does. It was nice of Jorge to tip his cap to the appreciative crowd...more than half of wish wanted to have Omar Minaya committed for signing him (and put me in that group)...after 6 and 2/3 innings today. And imagine that, his groin isn't fatigued...unlike the groin of Roger Clemens.

I heard that Alex Rodriguez's groin is fatigued as well...but for an entirely different reason.

(I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.)

Other highlights of the day, which was spent with my longest standing friend (he wanted me to mention him, but I couldn't call him my "oldest" friend because he's really not that old...and I can't mention his name or else by common law, I would have to pay him...but he's my longest standing friend who was with me for such momentous Mets moments like Jose Uribe and Robby Thompson letting a pop fly drop between them letting the winning run score, and on the negative ledger, that "turn ahead the clock" game where Al Martin launched two home runs in a uniform that looked like something hatched from a Quentin Tarantino dream...but at least they weren't from Mercury).

As I was saying before I strayed to the service road...other highlights of the day included seeing some stray orioles (not Orioles) hanging out perched on the fair pole, and spilling onions and peppers (not Peppers) all over myself because of some soft bread holding the Premio sausage. I've got to learn to suck it up and deal with the soft bread and stop my bitching.