Historical Perspective

Larry Jones once said that Mets fans booing him and chanting his name (his real name) motivated him to do well.

At no point was that more evident to me than on February 29, 2008, when I was in Orlando chanting Larry's name so loud at a spring training game that I could be heard all the way back in New York ... if you turned on ESPN's coverage of the game. Could a professional baseball player be motivated by taunts during a spring training game, you ask? Well, Larry went 2-for-3 in that meaningless game so you tell me.

In the years that have passed since Larry made his "Yankee gear" crack, the booing, chanting, and general hate has subsided. It's a tad disappointing when you put that up against Brewers fans booing Gary Sheffield furiously 17 years after he admittedly threw balls into the fifth row of the stands. But it happened. Maybe part of it is a brand new ballpark taking the focus away from rattling the opponent and shifting it towards the Acela Club. Or maybe it's because that brand new ballpark that replaced the old ballpark that Larry named his kid after because he practically freakin' owned it.

That's what makes it ironic that it was Citi Field that has now housed Jones' most frustrating game vs. the Mets to date which included a foul pop that fell inches in front of Larry, and a bizarre infield fly where Jones dropped the wind blown pop-up, and Brian McCann went to tag the runner who was already out while Angel Pagan raced to the vacated home plate (Angel Pagan? Heads up baserunning? Is this Bizarro Pagan?) with the fourth run of the game (McCann was obviously returning the favor that David Cone paid to the Braves in 1990.) But with the atmosphere ripe for a famous "Laaaaaaa-rryyyyyyy" chant, none was to be heard, at least audibly on television. Has the ballpark finally softened Met fans? Have we finally learned how to tame the beast that is Larry Jones? Or is Larry just getting old? (He gets older on Saturday ... and he's 9-1 on his birthday. Uh-oh.) Or are the burgers just really, really good?

It was merely the biggest and strangest of twists in a 5-2 win that featured more of them than the most recent episode of Survivor (J.T. ... dude.) Between Larry's fly pop follies, Bizarro Pagan's heads up baserunning play, Stimulus' first career bomb that almost hit the bridge, and Hisanori Takahashi coming to the rescue of John Maine and his two arms which both refuse to cooperate, who the hell can remember that Jose Reyes batted third?

Drawing The Long Straw

You were scared, weren't you?

So was I, when it was 0-0 in the sixth and people were wondering about another 20 inning game to the point that they were taking bets on what would happen first, the Mets game ending or the Jets picking at 29.

But Johan Santana would get his run support to ensure that there would be no lengthening of Thursday night's game. Instead, Frankie Rodriguez lengthened his efforts for a five out save (first since July 2nd of 2005), and the Mets won their first series of the season against the Cubbies with a 5-2 win.

And now, the Mets move on to face the Braves, where rumor has it that Snoop Manuel will unveil his new lineup with Jose Reyes at the third spot. Will it be Lineup 2.0? Or will it be more like Lineup Vista? In any event, Snoop hopes that Reyes in the three hole will "lengthen the lineup" (if Stimulus keeps going 3-for-4 that should lengthen the lineup far enough). This is all very phallic to me, and I'm scared that Mets games are going to be played at 2AM and sponsored by Extenze.

I guess anything is better than those anti-smoking commercials. Hey, I'm anti-smoking too but, gross.

Relaxation: Good For Some, Not For All

Who knew that all a guy who sat on the couch for three weeks needed was a day off?

It's funny how that works, but whatever works is fine with me.

Between Jose Reyes' extra day off on Monday, and Mike Pelfrey's one less day off on Saturday, everything comes out even and the Mets get another needed win against the Cubs. Reyes gets four hits and two RBI, and Pelfrey has another stellar outing with seven scoreless innings. This is starting to look like a 2008 type run for Pelfrey, who might have to relieve more on his throw days, now that Ryota "Swallows Man" Igarashi has gone and tweaked his hamstring enough to earn an MRI later today. Oh, and Carlos Beltran has been pushed back in his quest to start baseball related activities. This is starting to look like a 2009 type run.

By the way, did you know that in the world of buzzwords, Baseball Related Activities are the new Cortisone Shots?

The Lot Is Empty

Hey, what's missing from this picture?

Oh yeah, Mike Pelfrey.

Last season he had an outing so bad he felt he needed to go Grete Waitz around the Coors Field parking lot. Today, all he needed was a victory lap after going seven shutout innings giving up five hits and walking ... none. Mike Pelfrey is now 2-0, and I fear he's going to have to go undefeated to give the Mets a chance at the playoffs. He's off to a fine, fine start. Victory laps for everyone.

And outside of Luis Castillo stealing second base while Jose Reyes was retreating to the same base (fundamental much, guys?), there was really not much to complain about. I could wax poetic on how 5-0 could have easily been 10-0, but I'm not a poet, and I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. 5-0 is mighty nice. And 3-6 is much better than 2-7, so I'll save my complaints for another day. Can't waste them all in April, right? Besides, Oliver Perez faces Albert Pujols tomorrow. I have a feeling the complaint box will be full.

The Hate Becomes Slightly More Rational

The streamers were hung, the hors d'oeuvres were on the table, and the guests had arrived. The only question would be this: Who would ruin Jose Reyes' welcome home party by sitting on the cake?

I thought it would be Oliver Perez.

But even though he gave up four runs and walked four in five and 2/3 innings, there was just enough (and I mean juuuuuust enough) to like from Cousin Oliver today, which means either he had some legitimate good moments or my standards have gotten way too low. In either case, it was enough to convince me not to call for Perez to be traded to Saskatchewan for a rogue moose until his next start.

No, the party pooper was Tyler Clippard, who has given me no reason to cease my irrational hate for him by throwing three shutout innings and striking out seven (!) Mets in the process in relief. And you wondered why Citi Field has been so windy lately. You had three innings worth of breezes courtesy of Clippard, who is clearly an alien sent by a far away galaxy to gain secrets on the Mets and piss me off in the process. We'll know this is true when Clippard will have trouble striking out seven batters the rest of the season against the rest of the league.

Then there's Willie Harris, who once again made a game ending web gem ... this time off a Rod Barajas line drive with two outs and the bases loaded that was so unexpected even Gary Cohen had Chip Caray'd the call to a base hit before it landed in Harris' glove. That would be the same Willie Harris who was only in the game because Ryan Zimmerman got hurt. See how when other teams have injuries they have players who step up but when the Mets had injuries they trotted out Ramon Martinez? And would now be a bad time to remind you, courtesy of Cohen and co. on Friday night, that the manager who convinced a young second baseman named Willie Harris to learn the outfield and be more versatile was Snoop Manuel back when both were with the White Sox?

Yes, it's true. Basically, Snoop's been ruining my life even before he moved to my city. What's next, Snoop? You want to teach him to play goaltender so he can hop on the Acela and suit up for the Flyers after the ballgame is done? Because that would be quite gangsta.

So while you may believe in comebacks, I believe in Willie Harris flushing my hopes and dreams down the toilet after Tyler Clippard urinates on them. Again. All while Willy Taveras and his four RBI's laugh at me ... and Rob Dibble accuses me of going to Canada for blood running.

Hey, I believe what I see.

The More Things Change ...

A fresh new injury.

Not one but two updates on Jose Reyes.

The Mets batting average with runners in scoring position.

All present and accounted for in the SNY Mets Post Game Report sponsored by whoever the heck is sponsoring that show these days (KFC? Arpielle Equipment? Slap Chop?), and Geico Sports Night following the Mets 3-1 loss to the Marlins. It's eerie how we all want to move on from 2009, yet it wafts over you like the stench of rancid meat.

Surely after two games where a Mets offense that has the ability to make Nate Robertson look like a superstar could only muster 13 hits in 18 innings and scored seven runs mainly on the strength of the other team's weakness, Snoop Manuel, Gangsta, would have a plan for his hitters to become more productive. Maybe a change in the batting order. Maybe some extra hitting. Maybe a barbecue at Howard Johnson's house. No ...

"We need a couple guys hot at the same time." -Jerry Manuel

That's it? That's the grand plan? Hope? Pray? Plead to a higher power? I thought that was our job as fans. But no, that's the manager's grand plan. One day, that plan will work. And yeah, I know the manager can lead a horse to the plate but can't make him hit. But the problem is that Omar Minaya already passed the buck to him when at the onset of free agency, he basically said that it was up to the coaches to make the players that are already on the roster better (translated: I have no money or prayer to get anyone so you're on your own). And now, the manager's way of "making the players better" is crossing his fingers and toes and wishing upon the one star he could see through the pollution. There's nobody left to pass the buck to.

But that was nothing compared to this post game gem regarding the bottom of the lineup:

"They're not power guys but they can hit the ball out of the ballpark."

What? I don't know what that even means!!! Who exactly did he just describe ... Rod Barajas? Luis Castillo?

Al Pedrique?

Oh well. At least Jon Niese came up with a quality start, so maybe Snoop will stop being concerned about the rotation for two or three hours before the next one takes the mound. You know ... the one that isn't a hard thrower but can throw the ball hard.

If We Die, We Die

So what if the middle of the rotation is made up of question marks and silly putty.

So what if the bullpen wasn't cemented until the last spring training game.

So what if Mike Jacobs, who wasn't a lock for the Opening Day roster a week ago is now the cleanup hitter.

So what if Jenrry Mejia is merely the latest prospect rushed through the system despite the decree that things were going to be different 'round here.

So what if outside of Jason Bay the team is still same ol' same ol'.

So what if Snoop Manuel is still the manager.

So what if Omar Minaya is still the GM.

So what if the Wilpons still grip this team like a vice drenched in flop sweat and shame.

Baseball season is here.

And here's how I look at it: Unless the top-level talent performs above and beyond their best performances so as to cover up the mistakes of the rest of the rosters ... unless the newfound clubhouse chemistry really makes the difference between winning and losing ... unless Oliver Perez forgets he's Oliver Perez ... it's most likely going to be a tough grind of a season. I emphasize "most likely" because anything can happen. We learned this last season.

But why stress? Why worry about all that now? It's Opening Day. The Mets are tied for first. They're serving lasagna bolognese at Citi Field. Life is good.

As far as the season goes, I believe it was Alex Cora who told Dustin Pedroia the following when Pedroia was experiencing some flight fright:

"If we die, we die."

Most likely, this season will have casualties. Maybe Minaya. Maybe Manuel. Maybe both. Maybe our collective sanity. Who knows? But make no mistake: The lowered expectations that this team has will make all the bitching, moaning, and complaining fun again.

There will be bitching.

There will be moaning.

There will be complaining.

That's all I can guarantee for 2010. Win total? I had 91 last season and was only off by about twenty. So I'm staying away from picking a number. Instead, I'm going all Range Game and saying that this team could go anywhere from 78-86 wins. I'm counting on a full season from Jose Reyes, a bounce back season from David Wright, a nice season from Jason Bay, and Johan Santana being the 2008 Johan Santana.

I'm not counting on Oliver Perez doing anything. I'm not counting on Jenrry Mejia to fool hitters past a month. I'm not counting on Sean Green to turn into Chad Bradford.

Everything else, I can only hope for. I hope Jeff Francoeur keeps smiling, keeps hitting, and keeps his K's to a minimum. I hope Mike Jacobs can return to the production of his Florida days. I hope that Carlos Beltran's return means something more than a two month audition for a playoff team that plays somewhere other than Flushing. I'm hoping Ike Davis and Fernando Martinez tear up Buffalo until September. I'm hoping that Bobby Parnell learns a cutter. I'm hoping Ryota Igarashi puts spring behind him. I'm hoping Mike Pelfrey bounces back like I think he will. I'm hoping Hisanori Takahashi is nothing like Ken Takahashi. I'm hoping John Maine keeps his puking to a minimum. I'm hoping Jon Niese grows up. I'm hoping Angel Pagan remembers how to get from first to home. I'm hoping Gary Matthews Jr. is slightly more than adequate. I'm hoping Frank Catalanotto was as good an idea now as he would have been five years ago. I'm hoping Pedro Feliciano continues to strike out Ryan Howard and Chase Utley with regularity. I'm hoping Frankie Rodriguez doesn't give up another grand slam to Justin Maxwell. I hope we see Chris Carter. I hope we see Daniel Murphy. I hope Rod Barajas and Henry Blanco are as defensively able as advertised. I hope those two knock some sense into the pitching staff.

Yes, I have a lot of hope this season.

But if we die, we die. As long as we die big.

And if we die, I hope somebody brings punch to the Apology Day party I'm throwing.

Real World/Reyes Rules

Jose Reyes has so many cameras on him while playing on minor league fields and doing wind sprints that he had remarked that he thought he was on the "Jose Reyes Reality Show".

Finally, somebody breaks the Jose Reyes rehab down into it's simplest terms, and it's Jose himself. And all I can say his thank goodness that he's going to come back on or around April 11th instead of say, June 1. I know I can't take another episode of "Real World/Reyes Rules" on SNY. I mean, I turn on the damn station to see baseball, and instead I get this:


At least most of the "Real World/Reyes Rules" actually takes place on a baseball field, where none of these reality stars would even be near ...


No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Coming up after Beer Money, it's Road Rules/Murphy's Law.

Knocking Tradition Off Its Axis

Apparently, the news of Jose Reyes' imminent return has sent the planet into a frenzy. Something isn't right. First, the Mets do something sensible and send Ike Davis to the minors for his final bit of seasoning ...

Then, the Mets change the name of the spring training stadium in the middle of a game, making poor Gary Cohen announce the name change in the middle innings which clearly distracted Sean Green into thinking he was at Tradition Field when he was actually at Digital Domain Park throwing his latest train wreck of an inning ...

But the best proof that the world has gone insane is that during Tuesday's game, Jeff Francoeur walked ...

Twice!

I know, I know, Reyes' return distracted damn near everyone. Especially Oliver Perez, who's Tuesday outing was so stellar he had to be rescued by some guy named Raul Valdez ... who wore number 96, had no name on his jersey, and had Cohen scrambling to execute a Google search for information on him.

Luckily, chasing Perez around Digital Domain Park with a bat to scare him into throwing strikes is considered a baseball related activity. So get to it, Jose. And scare the crap out of Pelfrey and Maine too while you're at it.

***

"If we have a crisis or something over there, I would have no problem with Ike Davis being part of a championship season." -Snoop

After which the champagne will taste really sweet, right?

(Bangs head against wall)

Cleared For Takeoff

Jose Reyes has been cleared to resume baseball related activities, and he's headed back to Florida.

For those of you unclear on what exactly is a baseball related activity:

This is a baseball related activity.

This is not.

This is a baseball related activity.

I don't know what this is.

This is a perfectly acceptable baseball drill.

This is never acceptable under any circumstances.

This is baseball.

This is a super secret friendship ritual you used to do in second grade.

This gets the heart pumping.

This is a ventriloquist act. Good for vaudeville, not for baseball.

This should never be resumed. Ever.

Ain't That The Truth

True story:

Going home on the E train, and I go in the front car which is probably where I am most of the time on the train. I walk in wearing a sweatshirt with a Mets logo and I go to lean on the door where the conductor is in. At that very moment, the conductor opens the door so I get caught in a moment of stifled momentum. Wearing the Mets gear, I'm surprised the door didn't separate my shoulder.

The conductor looks at me and I'm thinking it's that "what the hell are you doing leaning on the door ... don't you read the signs that say don't lean on the door of the subway car" look. So I immediately apologize to him. What do you think the conductor says to me at that moment?

"Dude, you're gonna need a replacement shortstop."

It was a re-affirmation moment for me. This guy most likely has never read my blog or heard of my blog. But he looked at my Mets logo and immediately went into a Jose Reyes riff. He's why I blog.

So thanks for that.

And for not crashing the train into the retaining wall at Forest Hills. Last thing I need is a 2009 metaphor.

Six? Seven? Eight? Nine? Are You Out There?

"We're still going to have to pitch. Whether Jose or Carlos Beltran is there, No. 2, 3, 4 and 5 are going to have to pitch." -Jerry Manuel

No they don't, silly.

John Maine might be out by Game 3, Oliver Perez could run off and join the Peace Corps (boy, that would make Volunteers seem like an MSNBC documentary aired at 4AM), and if Mike Pelfrey's sinker doesn't start finding a way to sink, then enough outings like Thursday against the Red Sox could drive him to become the first player in the history of Earth to go on the DL with Attention Deficit Disorder.

And all those fifth starters? Boy band.

So 2-5? They don't really have to pitch at all. It just means that Johan is going to have to pitch every day and go through an aggressive regimen of power naps and cryogenics to bring his dead arm back to life between starts. It's all about Prevention and Recovery, right?

Good thing Jeff Wilpon has improved the promotions so that we'll all forget that 2-5 are actually going to have to pitch:



12 Angry Mascots provides the comedic version of the owner's son.

What If It Was Reyes Hanging Up On This Wall?

No more Filet-o-Fish for you, Jose Reyes.

Okay, so maybe Reyes wasn't throwing down boxes filled with the high calorie goodness with gobs of tartar sauce from Mickey D's, but now that option isn't there (it's kind of like when you break your fingers and the doctor regrets to inform you that your piano playing career is over even though you've never played piano in your life.)

You know what other option is out the window? You guessed it: Baseball related activities ... and that includes plain ol' exercise in this case. Between two and eight weeks is what the doctors are recommending Reyes rest up to deactivate his thyroid a little bit ... so add a few weeks on top of that so Reyes can get back to baseball shape coming off an injury. Just one jumping jack before then could put him back at square one. (No, I'm not a doctor.)

So best case is probably a Reyes return around April 20th. Worst case for Reyes might be about June 1. You're talking a possibility of two months without Reyes and Carlos Beltran. The field may have lapped the Mets by then. But think of it this way: Last season's Mets would have ignored the diagnosis of rest and put a shot of cortisone right in his throat. So we're making progress here.

So no Filet-O-Fish. And no shrimp tacos either ... ironic since the first commercial after the half inning where Keith, Kevin and Ron talked about Reyes' condition was for the new shrimp tacos from Taco Bell. That's ... just ... cruel.

I imagine every time Reyes sees this, he'll have to wipe away a tear.



Nothing compared to the tears fans will be shedding every time Anderson Hernandez is trusted to do ... anything.

Shut Down In The Corner

When they say "shut down" in football, you think of Darrelle Revis: Shut Down Corner. The Mets version is Kelvim Escobar: Shut Down For Shoulder Soreness.

Now that he's out indefinitely, it makes you wonder why the Mets gave him guaranteed money if he was this fragile. And the only answer I could come up with was this: With Jose Reyes' hamstring pretty much healthy, the Mets had a spot open for that player who was perpetually two-three weeks away from returning that we have no choice but to hear about endlessly even though he's doing nothing. Escobar fits that bill well right now. Consider what we'll have the opportunity to read in the papers or hear reported on "Cash For Gold Pre-Game Live" for the next few months:

"Kelvim Escobar threw off flat ground today. Team doctors think he may be two-three weeks away."

"Kelvim Escobar performed Jerry Manuel's 'Let's Put the Pitchers at Shortstop For No Good Reason' drills without incident. Manuel told reporters that Escobar is two-three weeks away, but sources revealed that Manuel may have been kidding."

"Kelvim Escobar fed strained peas to a baby and his arm didn't sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies in the process. Omar Minaya thinks that Escobar may be two-three weeks away, but that he couldn't be sure about that until he confirms it with the Wilpons."

"Kelvim Escobar participated in agility drills and managed not to step on one of the hidden mine-fields that Tony Bernazard had buried during a 2009 motivational tactic gone horribly wrong. Escobar is thought to be two-three weeks away unless Bernazard shows up at camp and challenges him to a fight."

It's just a way to keep the Mets in the press.

Guilt Trip

Remember when Larry Andersen wanted to "put one in Jose Reyes' neck"?

Well now Reyes is returning to New York for tests because of a hyperactive thyroid, which is in his neck. So may Larry Andersen and the 74 mph fastball he rode in on be ridden with guilt for the rest of his days.

And may Reyes come out of the woods on this soon. While hamstrings may be fair excuses to make silly jokes about the medical staff, hyperactive thyroids are not. (But feel free to make Larry Andersen feel bad anyway.) And they are also unfair to put on the list when talking about somebody who's "injury prone". So while Prevention may not have had a chance on this one, let's encourage Recovery to save its best work for whatever Reyes has. Thankfully, an expert on the situation thinks that what Reyes has isn't going to keep him from playing ball for any length of time.

So there's nobody to hammer on this one until Reyes gets well ... or until the medication he takes to control it is found to be on Bud Selig's banned substance list after it's too late.

***

All right, so here's the question I was faced with today and I put to you ... the smart ones: Would it be wise to consider keeping Jenrry Mejia with the big club as a reliever if he continues to dominate like he did against the Marlins on Friday? Or would you rather keep him in Buffalo as a starter so that he can one day help out your rotation which needs more help down the road than the 'pen? Goose bumped debut aside, I vote for caution.

Of course, I'm the one who tried to rationalize that Doug Mientkiewicz was a better fit for Shea Stadium than Carlos Delgado in 2005, so what the hell do I know?

***

And where's the unwritten rule that says somebody named Mike Stanton must torture me at all times?

Government Job

No Catcher Left Behind

"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy." -John Denver

Well it's no wonder that the Mets are making crazy predictions about World Series and what not. All this sun is making them giddy. And who could blame them after all the snow we've had here lately, and all the rotten they've had for three years.

World Series predictions? Hell, why not. Why not be excited for a day? We have the whole summer to chastise the Mets for their mouths writing checks that their OPS can't cash. We all like to talk about "hope springs eternal" and all of the lovely prose that goes with the first official day of spring training (which when you really think about it, is a date that holds less and less significance every year with the truckloads of players that report early every year, not to mention the extended spring training that was July through September last season), so why not throw some wacky predictions around for a day? That's what the official first day of spring training is for. Optimism

After that, of course, all bets are off. Especially when all of the progress made over the next month and a half are in the abstract. The season is full of wins and losses. The off-season can be easily measured in statistics, dollars, and happy-to-be-heres. Spring training? Lots of stretching. Lots of games scouted by Buffalo. Real indications of how the season is going to play out? Not from John Maine pitching against Broward County Community College (nice one, Brad). No, no real clues unless Ryan Church comes to recreate his carom off Marlon Anderson, or Omar Minaya signs five more catchers to complete his controversial gene splicing experiment to see if he can create Joe Mauer from the DNA of Josh Thole, Rod Barajas, Chris Coste, Gary Carter, Manny Sanguillen, Jack Clements, three sheep and a turkey club sandwich. Then we'll all have a clue as to whether we're doomed to misery or not.

Until then, we can dream ... at least until Kelvim Escobar goes for that inevitable MRI.

We Interrupt The Mets Cold Stove Season To Bring You ...

I am contractually obligated to tell you that the Mets have signed Ryota Igarashi. I don't know who he is. But from all I've read about him I can tell you who he's not: The Greg Maddux of Japan like Satoru Komiyama was. Or the Tom Glavine of Japan, the Steve Carlton of Japan or even the Danny Graves of Japan. He hasn't been compared to anybody to get our hopes up so they can mercilessly be torn down at the first home run he gives up to Chase Utley.



For those who can't convert kilometers to miles in their head, he throws about 93 in the above clip. And as you can see he wears number 53, just like our manager Chuckles. I hope Snoop gives up 53 because he really doesn't need to wear a number.

Comedy for his jokes, tragedy for when he gets fired after bringing Igarashi in at the wrong time, or for bringing him in 16 straight days until his arm falls off, then leaving him in the back of the bullpen to play Clue with Sean Green for a month. Yeah, this oughta work out well.

***

Oh by the way, when the Mets put in the new plasma replacement booth next to the Shake Shack, I hope they paint it blue and orange. There's nothing worse than not recognizing your history when you're hawking platelets that are sponsored by Verizon.

What Have You Learned? Jose Reyes

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today we celebrate the fact that Jose Reyes has finally had his surgery, what the Mets can learn as a species to ensure that this nonsense never happens again, and what Ted McGinley has to do with all this.

Here's what pisses me off about Jose Reyes:

All season long the pre-game shows (Fran Healy would like me to point out that the show is called "KFC Pre-Game Live" sponsored by KFC and their new Kentucky Grilled Chicken ... but I won't because I'm not being compensated, and I almost choked on a boneless chicken bit that actually had a bone) would be dominated by the following: "Jose Reyes got up out of bed this morning and ate a bagel with cream cheese, but the cream cheese weighed down his hamstring. Jerry Manuel says that he expects his return in about another two to three weeks."

And it went on and on and on ... and it wasn't just Reyes. We had to hear about the running, jumping, and eating habits of pretty much everyone on the roster. But Reyes is the meal ticket ... the one that holds it all together, making it more frustrating that this injury has been the one that has seemingly been mishandled the most.

And now that we get this ...

The Mets said Reyes will start his rehab shortly and can resume baseball activities "soon after the new year."

... it means we're going to have to hear this all winter. Jose Reyes will perpetually be two to three weeks away from something ... all the way through March.

JOY!!!

So what has Reyes learned? How can you learn if you're not in the classroom? You don't get to take a test from the nurses office. 2009 should have been the year for a guy like Reyes to take the next step in his baseball development and enter his prime with a flourish. Instead, he tried to go to third on a grounder to shortstop, and soon after that we never heard from him again.

I would hope that the Mets have learned that you can't make a concussion go away with a cortisone shot. Or that they've learned that the health of the players is more important than having them play meaningless September games to keep those SNY ratings up. But who knows? If Jeff Wilpon thinks he can run a baseball club, who's to say that he doesn't think he can run a hospital? Good thing that Father Fred didn't buy a hospital instead of a ballclub (Gimme the scalpel Daddy! Gimme the scalpel! I wanna try!!!)

You would think it would be so easy ... that you wouldn't screw up something so fundamental as injuries. But when Jeffy comes out and says "we have to change how we handle injuries", then it makes you think that all of these freak occurrences may not have been so freak. Maybe it's why we have Cowboys' doctors operating on Jose Reyes instead of our own guys. Then again, one of our own guys, Mike Herbst, looks too much like Ted McGinley, known for sinking every single show he's ever been on. So who can blame the Mets for thinking that Herbst is McGinley in disguise, sent by the Phillies to finish us off once and for all.

Coincidence? Me thinks not.

Gangsta Depreciation

Thank heaven for Gary Cohen, proving that I'm not the only one yodeling in a canyon. Here's what he said on Saturday in not so many words: "Why the $%*& is Fernando Tatis starting at first base for a 66-88 team while Nick Evans is rotting on the bench? Have we gone to the Tony Bernazard school for developing players?"

So he didn't say exactly that, but he started the conversation out loud ... the same conversation rattling in my head between all of my personalities. I've never seen a manager manage like it's spring training from April-August, only to be eliminated in September ... and then manage to win the game. Doesn't it worry you that Snoop Gangstalicious got the vote of confidence from the Wilpons, and still fills out a lineup card as if he's going to lose his job tomorrow? And if that's true, doesn't it also worry you that he truly believes that the man who's going to save his job single-handedly is Fernando Tatis? This is what he's banking on? He might as well go to a roulette table and ask if he could put all his chips on 44 blue.

As you can probably surmise, I could care less that Tatis hit a two-run home run to tie the game. Did it help? No. The Mets still got it handed to them by the Marlins in a game where my psychic abilities came rushing back to me in one fell swoop. Jorge Cantu batting against John Maine and what comes to my head? "Cantu is going to hit it 500 miles." Meanwhile, in the real world, Cantu hits a screaming liner to left to give the Marlins the lead. Close enough. It was then that I left the room thinking "when I walk back in, I'm going to see an "8" next to "FLA". What do I see when I come back? A f*&%ing eight, that's what. Eight for them, three for the Mets. Show me what I've won, Gene!

"Absolutely nothing, Metstradamus!"

I'm never right when it comes to those stupid lottery numbers, am I? Noooooooooooooo! Instead, I have fishes and eights and Fernando Tatis dancing in my head while I'm stuck in this torture chamber of a season for another eight days waiting for Jose Reyes to play a minor league game which doesn't exist. Welcome to my world ... where the circus is in town, the common sense is optional, and it's always Fan Appreciation Day. Speaking of, don't miss Fan Appreciation Day this season as the Mets take on the Nationals on Wednesday ... too bad you have to go to Washington to be appreciated because the Mets don't seem to have a Fan Appreciation Day this season. Instead, check out Fan Depreciation Day.

Oh wait, that's every day for us. I guess that doesn't make is so special, does it ...