Sage Wisdom

Leave it to Ralph Kiner to provide perspective during Tuesday's telecast:

"It's not even worth questioning because you know what's gonna happen ... When you're a star pitcher like he is it doesn't mean a thing what he does today, tomorrow, or the next day. It's when the bell rings that it counts and that's all they have to worry about." -Ralph Kiner on Johan Santana's rough outing on Tuesday

I really don't need to hear any more than that. And for those of you who may wonder why Oliver Perez gets the brunt of spring hate while Santana gets to go into the EZ-Pass lane I only say this: When Oliver Perez becomes a star pitcher who doesn't fall out of shape after signing a big contract, call me. Otherwise, I'll hold on to that extra standard, thanks. I was fooled once before.

Besides, Santana gave up a home run to freakin' Kaz Matsui. And anything Kaz Matsui does against the Mets should be inadmissible in the court of public opinion. For heaven's sake he once hit two home runs against Billy Wagner in an intersquad game. He's been killing the Mets ever since he was ... a Met! Hopefully the Astros will take advantage of this special offer:

"Orioles general manager Andy MacPhail said the Orioles may begin to seek outside help at second base. The status of Brian Roberts is starting to become a legitimate concern."

Gee, would have been nice to know this two months ago.

Oh well. Omar Minaya probably would have gotten little more than pocket lint for him anyway. Besides, there are greater things to be concerned with than trading Luis Castillo and how Johan Santana does in a spring training outing ... like who the hell let Roger Clemens into Port St. Lucie and why didn't security promptly throw him out for crimes against humanity? Is this where my tax dollars are going? I really could care less if all the Astros on the 40 man roster were related to Clemens. He can watch Koby on MLB.TV like the rest of us.

Old Habits Die Hard

"Yeah, let's replace Livan Hernandez with somebody older and less durable. Yeah! That'll work just fine!!! Now let's crack open those beers."

If you were a fly on the wall of the Mets war room, that might have been what you heard as the powers that be have discussed the possibility of John Smoltz being a Met. That's the John Smoltz who will be 43 in May (for perspective, that's two years and eight months older than Orel Hershiser was when he pitched for the Mets). That's also the same John Smoltz who pitched a total of 106 innings over the last two seasons due to injuries.

Not that I'm that crazy about anybody who's left in the free agent market (it's so bad that Joel Pineiro is looking like the Brooklyn Decker of starting pitchers right now), but the fact that the Mets are even thinking of bringing John Smoltz into the fold proves that this regime is never going to learn. Ever. Doesn't matter much if they sign him or not, they're thinking about it. That's reason enough for me to overreact ... because the pattern is starting again.

They make a good signing with Jason Bay, and now threaten to make five bad ones to back that up. Bengie Molina will be that first bad signing, and Smoltz might be right behind him on that list. (And Carlos Delgado might be third, but that's another blog for another time.) Because there's nothing like filling holes with old guys who are ripe to get injured and expose a farm system under siege. Sound like any particular season you might have lived through lately? You don't have to think too hard about this one.

It's a bad move whether he's the fifth starter or a bullpen option. It was one thing when they were backing up Frankie Rodriguez with J.J. Putz and Sean Green. Now it's John Smoltz and Kelvin Escobar? That's 111 innings in four seasons of baseball. Putz has the durability of Brett Favre next to these two.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that Tom Glavine is Smoltzie's golfing buddy which means there's a chance we could see Glavine show up at Citi Field with a Mets hat to support his buddy ... and looking all devastated as his friend gets torched by the Brewers for six runs in two and a third. (Oh, did I say devastated? I meant slightly disappointed.) I dare say this would induce more vomit than seeing Roger Clemens attend the Texas/Alabama game on Thursday. Glavine had better hope that he sits in one of those suites where the angry mobs can't get to him.

School In Summertime

It's stuff like this that reminds me why I started a blog in the first place.

As long as the uniforms are throwbacks, Matt Cain beaning David Wright throws me back to a common theme that I keep harping to. So if I'm repeating myself in this instance, it's not because I'm old and senility is setting in: But Mets pitchers haven't thrown inside with purpose and consistency since Turk Wendell left. If you don't think that's a problem, tell that to David Wright and the fifteen miniature Kung Fu Pandas that are circling his head in the hospital.

Pitchers have been throwing inside on Wright all season long. He's been dusted, turned around, brushed back, all of it ... it's happened to Wright. It's good strategy. It's part of the game. And without having looked at the scouting reports I can pretty much surmise to the extreme of guarantee that the reports mention something to the tune of: "you can pitch inside on this team." The word "intimidated" might have made its way into some of those club reports.

I'm not talking about beaning, I'm just talking about commanding the inside part of the plate, which teams have done on Wright. He's the one hitter worth the effort to make uncomfortable, so why shouldn't they do it? Especially when the one time Wright is thrown at and not merely brushed back (Brad Thompson), he doesn't do anything. I don't believe that Cain tried to hit Wright in the head. But he did have intent to come inside and the pitch got away. I have to wonder if the Mets were a team that at least tried to command the inside of the plate more in the past weeks months years, would Matt Cain have been so quick to come inside? Would the other pitchers in the league come in on Wright as much as they have? Maybe the answer is still yes, since Wright has absolutely no protection in the lineup, but I'm not 100% sure about that.

I'll go as far as to say this: If Wright had charged Thompson two weeks ago for throwing at his head, does today happen? Does Cain intend to come inside as much as he intended to? (Sidebar: Let's not compare the Cain/Wright beaning to the Clemens/Piazza incident. Clemens hit Piazza because Piazza had success against him and poor Roger's ego was hurt. Wright has one hit in two at-bats lifetime against Cain.) I might very well be wrong on the last two paragraphs, and I understand the arguments against them. And I also don't say that to place any blame on Wright for what happened today. But I also believe it's a discussion worth having.

Here's another discussion worth having, and it relates to the bush league move that Cain pulled, tipping his cap antagonistically at the Mets fans for daring to boo him: Was there a new unwritten rule written in the last five years that opposing pitchers can't be thrown at? Sure, Santana threw behind Pablo Sandoval's back and that's all well and good (at least nobody had to die before that happened, which I wondered aloud for three innings). But baseball's adopted this "you hit our star we'll go after yours" policy, and I'm not sure bad behavior by pitchers is going to be curbed if they personally aren't going to be held accountable. I realize that the opportunity to retaliate against pitchers in the N.L. has dwindled with all the specialization, and the fewer at-bats starters get in general. But Santana had a couple of cracks at Cain after Wright was sent to the hospital.

"I was just adjusting my cap. They can take it how they want. All I know is I wasn't trying to hit David Wright on purpose. If they think that, that's their thought." -Matt Cain

All right, maybe I will compare him to Clemens ... because I haven't heard a load of garbage like that since "I thought it was the ball." Don't you love when people insult your intelligence?

Why was Cain not eating dirt instead of Sandoval? Maybe it's because of the belief in the Mets dugout that Cain wasn't responsible or didn't hit Wright on purpose. Fine. But then why hit anybody at all if that's what you believe? That brings me to my next morsel of food for thought: If we still lived by rule of the old days, and Cain was plunked in the ribs or sent scrambling to the ground, does he have the cajones to pull that cap tipping stunt to the fans? You have to have a feeling of invincibility to do that, and that's a feeling I believe is absent if he had a welt on his ribs. Look, I know some of the younger baseball fans here are tired of hearing about the old days and about how "if this was 1986, that no-class punk would be missing three teeth right now." You're more than entitled to think that way. But at the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, I can't help but think that we could all use just a little old school. Not a lot, not wool uniforms or anything like that ... but self policing isn't a bad thing.

Full disclosure: Although I was wondering about who to hit before the cap tip, Cain's stunt put the thoughts into sharper focus for me. So for whoever says "yeah, well this wasn't an issue until Cain tipped his cap", you're right. I think there's nothing wrong with that.

But if you really need some silver linings, here they are:

• The Mets don't have a west coast trip coming up until the first of September, thus preventing any further dizzy spells caused by the club stupidly putting David Wright on a cross country flight.
• Wright can now get that rest he so desperately needs, ensuring that he'll be refreshed for the final three meaningless games of the season.
• Tony Bernazard isn't around to recommend a cortisone shot to his frontal lobe.
• Now maybe Jeff Francoeur will wear the safer helmet and risk looking like a clown.

But this also means we'll see Fernando Tatis get everyday time at third, while somehow Daniel Murphy will still be on the bench three days a week ... and Jeremy Reed still isn't going to be able to crack the lineup. Oh, and there will always be the stigma of Sandoval being thrown at in retaliation and still hitting a bomb off Johan Santana, continuing the season long trend that even when they're right, they're wrong. And even when they win, they lose.

Tinker Toys

It's obvious as the nose on Snoop Manuel's face that as long as Fernando Nieve keeps pitching like this, he has to stay in the rotation. Isn't it?

Isn't it???

Well, maybe not. After all, Daniel Murphy has had nine hits in his last seven games before being benched against a righty on Wednesday night so Nick Evans could get into the lineup, and that 6-4-Tatis can stay there. Maybe Murphy came to Snoop asking for a breather. Maybe his last game being an 0-fer showed Snoop that Murphy needed a day of rest. But by that logic, everyone except Luis Castillo and Jeremy Reed needed to be benched after Jo-El Pineiro's two hitter.

My point is this: It's June ... late June. Everyone's on the DL. This whole Snoop notion of getting everybody at-bats has to be thrown out the window. There's no better chance to get players at-bats who need them to stay sharp. Gary Sheffield's knee is barking now? Guess what ... time for Ryan Church (3-for-4 with a long double to left which would have been out at Shea) to play every day and be in the middle of the order and not force-feed Sheffield back into the lineup. There isn't going to be a better opportunity to get Murphy in a groove and find out if he can do this every day than from now until the All-Star break. And if Nick Evans is going to go gangbusters as he did all over Brad Thompson on Monday, then let's put the kid in left field and find out if he can play and keep Fernando Tatis nailed to the bench if he's going to keep hitting into double plays.

It seems so obvious when it comes to using a hot pitcher like Nieve, why isn't it that obvious when it comes to hitters? The best players left have to play, and the lineup tinkering should be shelved.

There ... now that that's off my chest, hey, the Mets won 11-0! Awesome.

To reiterate, it was on the strength of another great outing from Fernando Nieve. And you thought I wasted a post on somebody who wasn't going to make the major league roster ... HA!

Well, I expected Nieve to be a disaster, so what the hell do I know? I'm just a dumb blogger, and I'm sorry. And if Nieve does this ten more times, I will apologize ten more times.

"I was thinking too much when I was with the Astros. The first time it was when (Roger) Clemens signed. Now, I just think about doing my job." -Fernando Nieve

So it's Clemens' fault. Figures. Screw you, Roger.

No similar salutation for Adam Wainwright, who admitted after this video that he still loves us Met fans. Well that's nice, but don't patronize me. The one thing that would have made 11-0 even better would have been if it was off Wainwright.

Lobster Rage

Disclaimer: R-rated joke lies ahead:

One of my favorite moments in the Verducci/Torre book is about Roger Clemens as he prepared to face the Mets in Game 2 of the 2000 World Serious. Verducci writes that Clemens’ usual pregame preparation included taking a whirlpool bath at the hottest temperature possible."He’d come out looking like a lobster," Yankee trainer Steve Donahue told Verducci. Donahue would then rub hot liniment all over Clemens’ body. "Then Donahue would rub the hottest possible liniment on his testicles,” Verducci writes.

"He’d start snorting like a bull," the trainer said. "That’s when he was ready to pitch." -Alex Belth, Bronx Banter

Well that explains it. Clemens never said "I thought it was the ball." He actually said "I thought it would cool my balls!"

Who knew liniment was a performance enhancing substance. Was it cream, or clear ... I wonder.

Bad News Bees

Here's the disadvantage of working a 14 hour day: The Mets beat the Pirates in eleven innings and the only coherent thought in my head right now is that Ronny Paulino's bright yellow catcher's pads make him look like a killer bee:

Really? Is that what it's come down to for me? Am I that sleep deprived that it's come down to playing "Project Runway" with Ronny Paulino's pads?

(Hey, weren't the Mets supposed to trade for this guy?)

Well at least I'm not so tired that I would resort to defending Roger Clemens and his pride in himself as an "example for kids". (Especially the 15-year-old blondes, apparently.)

In An Alternate Universe

In an alternate universe, if Pedro Martinez was a Yankee, Joe Girardi would be complaining that it's not good baseball etiquette to work so many high counts on his pitcher during spring training ... breaks some sort of unwritten rule or something.

In an alternate universe, the flying bat shard that gave Carlos Delgado four stitches (and the equipment manager some nasty blood stains to practice on) would have been thrown by Roger Clemens, providing the smoking gun that would put him in jail for something once and for all (attempted murder).

In an alternate universe, a Molina brother (or non-brother like Gustavo) could get a green light from first to third without people screaming "Noooooooooooooooo!"

In an alternate universe, Fluff Castro would be durable, and there would be no chance of a Molina surname on the Mets.

In an alternate universe, Brian Stokes would be getting everybody out ... but nobody else in the bullpen could strike out their grandmother. So sometimes, the grass is greener in our own universe (kind of like the green on this blog today ... hey, if the Mets can wear green uniforms and throw off my retinas every March 17th, I figure I can do the same thing.)

***

Hey, have you ever had a completely off the chain spring training trip much like the one I had a couple of weeks ago? Better still, have you had a spring training trip that made mine look like a walk around the block? Perhaps you shared a beer with Bruce Berenyi, or you rode the Tower of Terror with Eric Valent in Disneyworld. Maybe when you were a kid Charlie Puleo showed you how to throw a change-up at Al Lang Field, leading you to take up baseball in high school and get lit up for four years (maybe you should have learned a split fingered fastball from Mike Scott instead, eh?)

You get the picture. If you've got a story like that, then Kathy would like to hear from you. E-mail her at chasingmets@verizon.net with your story, which will be included in her next project if it's wild enough. (One caveat: if your story involves Dave Kingman blowing you off for an autograph, don't bother. Dave Kingman has blown off everybody for an autograph. Kathy's looking for happy stories involving autographs, pictures, and perhaps a game of catch with Gary Rajsich.)

It's The Testicles, Stupid!

Scott Schoeneweis is absolutely right.

Schoeneweis had met with people from the Commissioner's Office in December to discuss an ESPN report alleging he had violated the collective bargaining agreement by using steroids. The office determined it had insufficient evidence of a violation to warrant discipline.

Schoeneweis said the Mets and other clubs he had played for were aware of his use, which was tied to his treatment of testicular cancer.

"I was just trying to get to normal, not above normal. It's all well-documented," Schoeneweis said.

But he lamented: "The retraction [explanation from the league] wasn't as glorified [as the original report] ... It's the era we live in."

It's true. For all the media coverage of steroids, cheating, and the like, where's the equal coverage when one of the damned is either exonerated, or presents a note from his doctor? And since I mentioned the report, the least I can do is mention the retraction. Now go strike out some lefties.


***

It recently came to my attention that the Seattle Mariners' new slogan which appears on their website header is "Mojo Risin'", which if you remember was the Mets rallying cry back in 1999 when Robin Ventura would play the Doors song after victories that season.

If you remember back in '06 (I think), the Blue Jays used "You Gotta Believe" as their rallying cry, which was Tug McGraw's 1973 cry that grew to legendary proportions. That was out and out robbery, and the Mariners' marketing scheme seems to be the same thing.

But not really. Here's my question: You Gotta Believe aside (because that's not really an example of over the top marketing), who would want to steal a marketing idea from the Mets? Remember Our Team Our Time? Or even better, does anyone remember "Who Let The Dogs Out" during the 2000 playoffs? Do you remember that the Mets stole that gem from the Giants after the Giants used that song all season, and then the Mets beat them in the playoffs and then stole the marketing theme to the point that they actually had the Baha Men play the song at Shea Stadium before a game?

Even Mojo Risin', if you think about it, and as cool as the song is and how it didn't come so much from a boardroom as it did from a lockerroom, came from a song called "L.A. Woman"? New York Mets theme song: Los Angeles Woman. There was always something a tad incongruous about that.

So if Seattle is robbing from an old dusty Mets slogan, they probably could find a better shack to steal from.

***

And a quick word on the dog and pony show that was the Roger Clemens vs. Brian McNamee hearings:

Can't we just put the two on some remote island so that Johnny Fairplay, Rupert, and Bobby Jon can judge the two of them in Tribal Council? I mean, wouldn't it have been great if instead of Henry Waxman, the proceedings were moderated by Jeff Probst? And after the questioning was over, all the politicians write "Roger" or "Brian" on a sheet of parchment and then faced the camera to explain their decision, and then Probst tallies the votes? At least this way, we can find a sure fire winner and loser in this, because we may never find out who's lying and who's lying less. My way, we have a winner, and the loser goes to jail for perjury!

And for the winner, well we can just leave him on the island too.

Stranger Than Fiction?

Forgive me, for it's so infrequent that I step out of character and break through the "fourth wall" as it were. But I might be in need of a serious mental evaluation.

It started when I went to sleep last night and all of a sudden I'm in a park. It was a park in the mold of say, Flushing Meadow Park, but it was just your basic non-descript park with lots of grass. Who's the first person I see walking in front of me?

Why it's Roger Clemens! He's wearing a Craig Sager-like purple suit, and an Arizona Diamondbacks cap. If you're looking for some hidden meaning in that, don't even bother. It gets worse from here anyway.

After walking past Clemens uncomfortably and trying to open up a safe distance from him, I see my wife ... at which point we sit down in front of a big movie screen as if it was Bryant Park. There's now a crowd that's starting to form, and Clemens is now behind us talking to his lawyer about something. So now I'm thinking that my cell phone is going to ring, and Clemens will be on the other end setting up his tape recorder. Instead he starts walking towards everyone shaking everybody's hand as if he's trying to win votes in New Hampshire.

Oh, and did I mention that Clemens was on a pair of stilts while doing this?

That's right. Roger Clemens is wearing a Diamondbacks hat and walking on stilts ... with a big smile on his face. Maybe the stilts signified his "rising above" all of his anger. Or maybe it signified the circus that the whole Roger Clemens fiasco has become. Or hell, maybe it signifies that I'm just a bizarre human being that shouldn't eat so close to bedtime, or read funny stuff like this before going to bed ... yeah, that's it. And Clemens is trying to shake my hand. I'm trying to ignore him like I ignore those guys on the subway who play Christmas songs on their guitar and then ask for money. But Clemens keeps his hand out practically begging for a handshake. So for the greater good, I give Roger one of those dead-fish handshakes to get him to move on ... which in retrospect might have been a bad idea considering how "strong" he is.

But then, here come his kids. And I don't know what his kids look like so these might have been some random kids with him, and they were wearing Texas Longhorn paraphernalia giving me the "hook 'em horns" sign. So I smiled and gave his kids (or the actors playing his kids) the sign right back (at which point I had an actual Texas Longhorn student teach/correct me in the art of the sign. I had a finger signal for him in return but I'm not going to get into that.) I must have made a good impression on the kids because someone told me what a good role model I was to them right before I woke up.

So that's it. This is my life without baseball to watch. I wish I had a punch line to the dream like "and then Mike Piazza showed up with a broken bat foaming at the mouth and knocked Clemens off of his stilts beat him with them and chased Clemens away from the park and we all ate ice cream and lived happily ever after", or "and then came Brian McNamee with a large syringe that he injected Clemens with except that he injected the stilts instead, and then Shawn Estes threw a beach ball at him and missed." But I don't. I have nothing. Nothing except the fact that it's January, and I'm a special brand of disturbed. If anyone can interpret this and give me back my normal dreams which involve the open seas, a warm sun, and an all-you-can-eat buffet, please don't hold back. I need help.

Joke Of The Day

Q: Why did Brian McNamee inject Roger Clemens with steroids in his buttocks?

A: To prove he had better aim than Shawn Estes.

I'm sorry. That's, like, the worst joke ever. Look, it's almost four in the morning and I'm trying to keep my mind off the fact that Kris Benson is probably going to pitch a no-hitter against the Mets this season after he signs with the Nationals. I'm in need of some cough syrup and some Tums, thus my jokes remain simplistic, one-dimensional, and not very good. Not to mention cheap at the expense of Shawn Estes. I'm just bitter that there's no Shawn Estes jerseys on eBay for the Christmas season. Please forgive me. I'm a mere product of society.

Good Day Sunshine

"I have started to notice a pretty distinctive pattern in this world. If you are negative, it will breed more negativity around you, and then that negativity comes back. It bounces back at you eventually, over time, and you are the one who is effected. The same is also true with being positive by the way. If you try to remain positive in your life, and work, it comes back to you. It’s pretty simple. Negative people hang with negative people. Positive people, hang with positivity. And negative people more often than not, tend to be counterproductive." -Tom Green

In this space would normally be more whining about how the Mets are once again losing their chances of grabbing an ace, with Dan Haren going to the Diamondbacks. (Six prospects? How do you kids say it ... OMG? WTF?)

But it's come to my attention that I've been too negative. A buzzkill. A Negative Nancy, if you will. With this in mind, I'm going to be positive. Here's what's right in the Mets' world:

• The Mets still have David Wright, last I checked.
• No player has been involved in a late night accident in a taxi cab in the last year.
• Raul Casanova is not only a Met, but he's younger than Sandy Alomar Jr.
• Lastings Milledge has zero career walk-off hits against the Mets.
• Citi Field is ahead of schedule, and will have a Fish Shack in 2010.
• Ryan Church hasn't released a rap album.
• Guillermo Mota is no longer employed in Flushing.
• Scott Kazmir hasn't pitched a no-hitter yet.
• Jose Reyes is still pretty fast.
• There's no truth to the rumor that John Maine left the team holiday party rubbing his shoulder muttering "boy, that feels weird."
• Steven Register has not shown up on the Mitchell Report.

See, the sun shines.

***

Speaking of the Mitchell Report: Now that it has come out, and it's two guys known the world over as Yankees that are taking the brunt of the bad press, isn't it about time for Wallace Matthews to write something for the express purpose of riling up the Mets fans? I can read it now:

Yeah, Mets fans. Laugh it up. Laugh it up now that your greatest enemy has been fingered in the Mitchell Report as the biggest name mentioned. But just remember: A Mets clubhouse guy started all this. And my sources tell me that he invented steroids. That's right Met fans, a Met invented Deca-Durabolin, among other performance enhancers. Don't blame the gritty, gutty Roger Clemens for taking steroids during the season where his team beat you. Blame your team for not beating the all-mighty Yankees who, despite a payroll of a billion dollars, still scrap for everything they get. While your team is a bunch of steroid inventing monsters. It just means the Yankees were smart enough to take steroids and get that gritty, gutty edge that they need, because that's what champions do. If Mike Piazza was on the juice, maybe he would have been quick enough to have gotten out of the way of that beanball. Now it's time for all you Met fans to accept Andy Pettitte as your savior and repent once and for all.

Have I beaten Newsday's all-time record for angry comments yet?

(Editor's note: Here's what Wally actually wrote).

***

Mike Stanton, according to the report, bought HGH in 2003 while he was with the Mets ... and still went 2-7. He probably sprinkled the HGH on his cupcakes thinking they were chocolate chips.

Maybe Mike Stanton owes Met fans an apology?

I Wonder How Mike Piazza Feels...

No, this isn't going to be a cry of vindication. I'll leave that to Jose Canseco.

And this isn't going to be a campaign to reverse the outcome of the 2000 World Series. Because then people in Houston will want '86 back. And people in Phoenix will want '99 back. And somebody who struck out against Josias Manzanillo and watched him run off the mound jumping and cavorting like a school girl will want that back. Those are memories I refuse to believe are tainted.

And no, I'm not starting the "Ban Roger Clemens From The Hall" movement. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Performance enhancers are not a Barry Bonds problem, and they're not a Roger Clemens problem. They are a baseball problem. Asterisks and banishment from baseball's Hall of Fame shift the blame on to the individual players, and it minimizes baseball's role in the so-called "steroids-era". The sport should be culpable most of all.

But I wonder: At this hour...at this very moment...with all of the history that Piazza has had with Clemens, the beaning in July of 2000, and the infamous bat throwing incident in that season's World Series...I wonder just what Mike Piazza is thinking at this hour. I wonder if he's thinking that he might have gotten out of the way of that pitch if it was just a little bit slower...which it might have been if Clemens was clean. Or is Piazza thinking that Clemens might not have thrown that bat if he wasn't on whatever he was on?

Those are some thoughts I'd pay a penny for.

***

In terms of the Mets that were involved, considering that it was a Mets clubbie that provided a lot of the information, the wreckage really isn't too bad in terms of the star quality of the players tagged in the report. The biggest one was probably Lenny Dykstra. The Mitchell Report talks of Dykstra's involvement in the early nineties. But anybody who was around in 1988 and saw the instant 20 pounds of muscle he had put on that winter because he wanted to be a power hitter had to have been thinking something wasn't quite natural there.

Todd Hundley? Nobody was going to say it and smear his name without any provocation. But the circumstancial evidence was all over the place. Forget the fact that he hit 41 home runs in '96 after hitting 15 the season before. But all of a sudden, he plays 153 games? He was a pinch hitter in 10 of those games, but continued as a catcher in seven of those. So there were 150 games when he put on the catcher's gear in 1996. Who does this?

And about this theory that the Mets stonewalled Lo Duca because of advance knowledge of this report? I don't buy it. There was knowledge of Lo Duca's use for years. Just check the report. The Dodgers knew:

"Steroids aren't being used anymore on him. Big part of this. Might have some value to trade . . . Florida might have interest. Got off the steroids . . . Took away a lot of hard line drives. Can get comparable value back would consider trading. If you do trade him, will get back on the stuff and try to show you he can have a good year. That’s his makeup. Comes to play. Last year of contract, playing for 05."

If the Dodgers knew, I'd bet money that other teams knew ... way back when. And if I were to bet money, I sure as hell wouldn't write a check! So no, I think this was common knowledge among the baseball community years ago, before the Mets even traded for him.

Mo Vaughn? With the injury problems he's had with his knee, we shouldn't be surprised either. I was surprised, because I myself thought the only thing he was injecting was jelly doughnuts, but that's just me.

But honestly, nobody should be surprised. Because as flimsy as you might want to say this Mitchell report is, he got the bottom line absolutely 100% right: Baseball and its union were slow on the upkeep on this. Everybody was. Athletes will always find a way to get a competitive edge, and always will. The governing bodies have to be the ones to restore order ... you can't trust 100% of a group that includes 750 major leaguers and many more minor leaguers to police themselves and be on the up and up. They're everybody's heroes, but they're athletes who not only want to win, but also represent a cross-section of life. Many different personality types will react to life's questions in many different ways. These decisions must be made for them by the high priests of America's pastime. In the past, those decisions were just to let performance enhancing happen, and look where we are.

(Metstradamus packs up his soapbox and walks away. And...scene.)

True Colors In The Hood

"My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos. Ruined dreams. This wasted land. But most of all, I remember The Road Warrior. The man we called 'Metstradamus'". -Narrator from Mad Max 2 (with some blogging license at the end)

I have returned.

And I bring you the head of J.D. Durbin!

All right, maybe it was more like a Phillies mini-helmet which I ate my ice cream out of. Still, as the Empire State Building appeared on the horizon as I rolled back on New Jersey Transit, I felt like one of those warriors from Mad Max or something, holding up my symbol of victory in proxy of young Mr. Durbin's head. An offer to the gods of the New York Skyline, as if the city told me upon leaving: "If you don't bring back a win, don't come home."

Thankfully, now at 4-0 on the road, I've always been able to come home.

It was an interesting day to say the least, starting out with a smooth ride on NJT to meet my ride (in spite of my floundering inability to find the track at Penn Station, and find my way off the train...wondering why the doors aren't opening even though there's no platform). Then the rest of the way listening to Paul Lo Duca gripe about the media on the car ride. (Why is everything interpreted in the most damning possible context? And why hasn't Lo Duca figured out by now that the best way to keep the media off his back is to not bring up anything about "speaking English" in a lockerroom famously known for its Latin players...although this is the first time I've ever heard someone get tagged as racist for saying that someone can speak English.)

Then, a bad exit choice by us, and some terrible directions from a couple of gas station attendants who looked at us like we had three heads when we mentioned the Walt Whitman bridge put us in downtown Philly, forcing us to take Broad St. to the complex. Now for those who have never been to Philadelphia, stay away from Broad Street! The traffic lights may be the most disjointed in the country, taking the "flow" out of "flow of traffic". (And take Exit 3, not Exit 4.) But we still got there on time and in our seats for the 1:30 start, which was better than my last trip, when I didn't even have a seat, and got there late.

(Food note: Last year, it was the cheesesteaks that lured me to Philly. This year, the attraction for me, thanks to Mets Grrl, were the crab fries. Highly recommended.)

I loved the Philly fans today, constantly reminding us through the Mets early game offensive run that "hey, you know you're doing this off of a single A pitcher, right? Wait until the nightcap when you face Cole Hamels!" (Oh, much more on him later.) For the record, yes we were quite aware of who your pitcher was. And at the end of play today, he's still employed by your team. So we are not the ones hanging our heads in shame for being able to hit him. Thank you, drive through.

There was one guy sitting next to me who saved his most fervent Met bashing for when I wasn't sitting in my seat. Yeah, that's manly. I mean, he had ample opportunity to kill us when the Mets were trotting out Guillermo Mota and Aaron Heilman, who are about as useful as a bag of plastic hammers right about now. (Flippin' Heilman...0-2 count on a .202 hitter and he lets Pat Burrell hang around until he gets a pitch he can serve up to center field to make it a 6-5 game. Way to go, clutch!)

Thankfully, there was Billy Wagner (with no Burrell at the plate) to finish things off and send us home happy...if not swiftly. Damn, the traffic coming out of the Bank is simply atrocious, as one lane of traffic was allowed to pass while the rest of us were made to crawl along. It was like coming home from a Jets game! We were moving so slow that...and I can't be sure of this...I could have sworn that I saw a couple attempt to get busy in the back of their SUV while waiting for the second game to start.

Heck I was even able to leave the car in traffic to ask a policeman about the easiest way to get to the elusive Walt Whitman bridge, when a kid then comes up to me in my Pedro Martinez jersey and warns me "man, don't wear that jersey in the hood." What? Your fans can't heckle me to my face and I can't wear my jersey in your hood? I'll tell you what, if I wear my Brian Leetch jersey to a Flyers game, then I'll worry (and wear armor underneath...because, as you know, we must protect this house). Until then...

Silly me thinking I could get back to New York in time to watch the second game (I blame the traffic, but I also blame Charlie Manuel's waste of time at the beginning of the game, checking Orlando Hernandez's cap for pine tar or chocolate or whatever Manuel was searching for). Instead, I stepped into my hood just as the second game ended, with only time enough to watch highlights, which included Cole Hamels not only throwing 3,287 pitches in three innings (oh yeah, wait until you face Cole Hamels indeed), but throwing behind Jose Reyes on a 3-0 count after thinly veiled threats to go after Paul Lo Duca.

Here's another fact about Cole Hamels that you may not know: Do you know what you get when you take Cole Hamels, take about 15 mph off his fastball, and add about 15 points to his IQ, do you know who you get?

You get Shawn Estes!

Yes, we haven't forgiven Estes for missing Roger Clemens' girth in retaliation for Mike Piazza. But Cole Hamels, who talks like he's been in the league for 100 years, was so dumb that in his lame attempt to send a message on a 3-0 pitch to Jose Reyes behind his back, that it went all the way to the backstop allowing the run to score. Not even Shawn Estes pulled off a Merkle like that! Way to go Cole. And shame on that umpiring crew for saving Hamels' bush league hide for immediately issuing warnings, ending any chance that John Maine would send another "fact" Hamels' way (not that Maine would have retaliated but still.) I initially thought from the radio broadcast that Hamels had been wild all game so this was just a by product of that. But after seeing it with my own eyes? There's no way there wasn't purpose to that pitch. No way. I'm not sure I can be convinced otherwise on this.

"YOU! You can RUN, but you can't HIDE!" -Vernon Wells (not that Vernon Wells) from Mad Max 2

Your day is coming.

Attica! Attica!

"We won yesterday. If we win today, that's two-in-a-row. If we win tomorrow, that's called a winning streak; it has happened before." -Lou Brown, Major League

And on Sunday, it may happen again, thanks to Orlando Hernandez, the bullpen, and David Wright for a 1-0 victory at Shea Stadium on Saturday night.

No thanks to Marvin Hudson or the 7 train.

There was one of those magical Shea Stadium moments as Mike Piazza brought out the lineup card for Oakland before the game. I of course missed it because of the MTA, which put the D train on the C line bringing me to 42nd St. instead of 7th Ave., then two 7 trains fill up with Met fans before the announcement that the train would not be running from Times Square, but rather from Grand Central, adding more time to my commute, and putting me in the ballpark at the bottom of the first, and in a seat at the top of the second.

Game day, and there's limited 7 train reliability. My tax dollars at work.

Thankfully, Paul Lo Duca threw my tantrum for me in the sixth inning at home plate ump Marvin Hudson.

Now look, you don't show up the ump on balls and strikes...and that's what Lo Duca did. But don't you think that if a catcher is complaining that something is wrong? Why would a catcher show up the home plate ump knowing it may cost him, at the very least, some calls later in the game...or perhaps his presence in the game? I'll tell you why, because Marvin Hudson was obviously inconsistent. I couldn't tell from where I was, but if Lo Duca is making a production out of balls and strike calls, something is wrong.

(By the way, the "Paul Lo Duca" chant you heard tonight after the incident? All me. I started it. Unfortunately, the "Attica! Attica!" chant didn't catch on. One day...)

Orlando Hernandez had his splendid eephus pitch on the mark, the bullpen worked around a Carlos Delgado misplay in the ninth, Fluff Castro replaced Paul Lo Duca and started the winning rally, and David Wright got enough wood on the ball on the last pitch to pull out the victory. Did the "Curly Shuffle" which was played in the middle of the ninth have something to do with it? I'd like to think so. Bottom line? We win one on Sunday against Joe Kennedy and the swingin' A's, that's called a winning streak.

It has happened before.

***

I now have somebody to blame for making steroids popular. Drum roll...

Thom Brenneman.

During the Giants game on FOX (my faaaaaaaavorite baseball network), there was a graphic showing the NL all star game leaders...including Jose Reyes. From the corner of my ears, I could hear game announcer Brenneman say "oh, well Jose Reyes shouldn't be there, J.J. Hardy should."

What?

Jose Reyes doesn't deserve to start the All Star game? Why? Because J.J. Hardy has more home runs? Thom? Have you seen Jose Reyes' stats? Or do you just value home runs?

Disclaimer: I think Jose Reyes deserves to start the all star game. I think J.J. Hardy deserves to start the all star game. They're both having great seasons. I have both players on one of my fantasy baseball teams, so I hope both of them rock the world the rest of the season. I think you can also make a case for Hanley Ramirez. All three deserve to be a part of the San Francisco festivities. And I certainly don't think J.J. Hardy is on steroids...

But as long as Thom Brenneman dismisses what Jose Reyes has done because J.J. Hardy has more home runs, all that's done is further the notion that nothing but the long ball counts. Indirectly, steroids are glorified.

Or could it be that Brenneman is sticking up for the poor midwestern player who doesn't get any votes because he plays in teeny little Milwaukee? Boo hoo! Don't like it Thom? Here's an idea, put the Brewers on FOX more often instead of chasing Roger Clemens all the time!

Attica! Attica!

***

You know you want to hear more rants like that. And if you tune into New York Baseball Live on 1240 WGBB AM from 9-11PM ET, or you hook yourself up to the internet, then you just might hear one. I will be on in the second hour to discuss my views on Paul Lo Duca's temper, Jose Reyes' statistics, and if you're lucky, an anti Yankee rant or two. And all that in a ten minute segment. Impossible? You're just going to have to tune in and find out.

A Quantity Of One

It sure didn't seem as neat and tidy as a 2-0 win should have been. There were runners all over the place against Oliver Perez, who wasn't too sharp with his control despite not allowing a run through the first three and 1/3.

And then there was Miguel Cairo's fly ball to left field at Yankee Stadium, which has been a coffin corner for the Mets at times, between Lenny Harris' deflected ball off his glove for a home run, and Todd Zeile's home run except for the fact that it wasn't which resulted in Timo Perez becoming a household name by not running. So when Carlos Gomez went back to the wall, there was trouble written all over my television screen.

And when that fan in the front row lept out of his seat to try to become part of the game and interfere with the natural order of life, the worry on my screen grew ten-fold. You know what can happen when kids...or drunks...or well meaning folk with walkmen decide they want to be part of the fun.

But the ball landed harmlessly in a leaping Carlos Gomez's glove, who turned it into a double play, saving the Mets from not only their fifth loss in a row, but the embarrassment of getting through a lineup full of all-star caliber players only to give up the big hit to Miguel freakin' Cairo.

Subsequent to that catch, Perez calmed down and looked a lot better the rest of the way going 7 and 1/3's scoreless before giving way to the bullpen for some stellar work. And by the way, even though it was Gomez and not Chavez, and even though Gomez only prevented a double while Chavez prevented a two run HR, did you think back to Endy's catch when you saw Perez with his arm up in celebration? Did you get all warm and tingly inside for a moment before you remembered how that game ended? Thankfully, this game ended differently.

It still doesn't mask the deficiency of the middle of the order. The Mets lineup, you see, is a tasty treat. Unfortunately, the tasty treat in question is a doughnut. Gomez and Jose Reyes provided the speed and savvy, with Gomez bunting his way on base twice against the aging walrus that is Roger Clemens (gee, making the 45 year old move around...what a novel concept), and Reyes driving both runs in with a single and an upper deck dinger. But Carlos Delgado took the golden sombrero tonight against some less than nasty stuff from Clemens. Diesel struck out against batting practice fastballs, for crying out loud. And the four through eight hitters in the lineup had a grand total of zero hits.

So while the Mets are finally in the win column with a one game winning streak, there was little of quality to fall back on to make this blogger feel that this team is completely out of the woods. Saturday features Tyler Clippard for the Yankees, who baffled the Mets at Shea Stadium causing my back to go out (well, it wasn't exactly Tyler Clippard that did that, but it's a good story). The Mets lineup has an opportunity to get well against this rookie now that there's some tape on him. He fooled them once, shame on him. Fool them twice?

Well, you know who gets shame then.

To Ruben, I Offer My Kingdom

A day game after a night game means that folks are going to be tired. Apparently, the folks who change the Topps cards to reflect the batting order over the ticket windows were too tired as well. We all went in thinking that Damion Easley was batting third again. But it was last night's lineup, as we found out when David Wright announced himself as the third hitter. Apparently, everyone in the house was presently surprised as the crowd in the section of right field that couldn't see the scoreboard let out a collective "Oh? Ooh! Yeeeeah!"

Nice of the Shea staff to keep us on our toes. Thanks, we're awake now.

Even with Sugar Pants back the Mets are still going to need help from the bench, and Gotay has given it to them. Omar traded Jeff Keppinger for Ruben Gotay and I wondered what the point was. Here was the point: Gotay made sure I saw my first victory this season. That's the point. So I should sit down and shut up. Thanks Ruben. I needed to be at a victory this season or else I would have had a complex going. And the last thing I needed was another one. (Heck I would have been satisfied with just getting through nine innings without any debilitating injuries.)

And boy, you thought Chris Russo complained heavily about Carlos Delgado's dances with Jose Reyes? Forget it. Even I could see from right field that the dance Delgado did with Gotay was not only rehearsed, but choreographed by Paula Abdul and taken straight out of the movie "Chicago" (I mean, not that I saw it or anything...I'm just assuming). I thought Eddie Van Halen was going to jump out of the stands and start playing the "Beat It" solo.

Not that I'm hating...I wish I could dance like that.

I don't suppose that in hindsight, the Yankees wish they had signed Jorge Sosa, do ya?

Well in hindsight, everyone does. It was nice of Jorge to tip his cap to the appreciative crowd...more than half of wish wanted to have Omar Minaya committed for signing him (and put me in that group)...after 6 and 2/3 innings today. And imagine that, his groin isn't fatigued...unlike the groin of Roger Clemens.

I heard that Alex Rodriguez's groin is fatigued as well...but for an entirely different reason.

(I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.)

Other highlights of the day, which was spent with my longest standing friend (he wanted me to mention him, but I couldn't call him my "oldest" friend because he's really not that old...and I can't mention his name or else by common law, I would have to pay him...but he's my longest standing friend who was with me for such momentous Mets moments like Jose Uribe and Robby Thompson letting a pop fly drop between them letting the winning run score, and on the negative ledger, that "turn ahead the clock" game where Al Martin launched two home runs in a uniform that looked like something hatched from a Quentin Tarantino dream...but at least they weren't from Mercury).

As I was saying before I strayed to the service road...other highlights of the day included seeing some stray orioles (not Orioles) hanging out perched on the fair pole, and spilling onions and peppers (not Peppers) all over myself because of some soft bread holding the Premio sausage. I've got to learn to suck it up and deal with the soft bread and stop my bitching.

A Time To Remember, A Time To Forget

Thanks to computer scheduling, the Mets were one of a small handful of teams not to play on Memorial Day. Thankfully, it gave Met fans a chance to really sit down and ponder what the holiday is all about...remembering.

Unfortunately, with all of the other baseball being played on the holiday, Met fans probably wished that Tommy Lee Jones would show up at their door with the red ray that made you forget everything. I know I could have used it during the Rockies game today, where this was the direct quote from the Colorado announcer:

"Another big hit for Kaz Matsui."

Another big hit? When exactly was the first? It sure as hell wasn't in New York after the first at bat of the season. Was it in Colorado Springs, perhaps?

Or how about what we were forced to remember during night time action, as Steve Trachsel actually went the distance for the Orioles in a 9-1 win...a game which lasted, get this, 2:27.

Two hours and twenty seven minutes!!!

Steve Trachsel!!!

Remember when 2:27 was his time between pitches? And now he's pitching efficiently? He didn't have a single strikeout in the game. Stupid Royals.

Even the latest Roger Clemens comeback game made us pause and remember, as none other than Timo Perez was playing left field for the Toledo Mud Hens. Seeing Timo at the plate must have gotten those juices flowing for Clemens, who had his first decent minor league outing (what kind of juices were flowing I don't know...but I'm not going to speculate because I'm a positive person.) Seeing Timo at the plate only made me remember this.

When can we have a Forgotten Day, where it's all right to forget everything that's haunted you in the past?

Beware: Falling Rocks

Hey? What's that dropping like a stone? Is it:

David Wright's batting average?

Lino Urdaneta's ERA?

Is it Carlos Beltran's leg strength?

Or is it the streak?

Of course, the answer is a resounding "all of the above", as the Mets dropped their first game in Arizona since it was sponsored by Bank One instead of Chase (lousy bank mergers). Livan Hernandez, who the Mets have hit well in his career, shut the Mets down over seven innings.

To be fair, the Mets had a "B" lineup out there, with Carlos Beltran's "tired legs" giving him a day off, David Newhan starting in left for Endy Chavez, who was in center for Beltran, and Ruben Gotay at second base, this wasn't the Mets best lineup. But David Wright's struggles continued as he took another collar and is now hitting a worrisome .239.

But the good news is that Lino Urdaneta pitched 2/3's of a scoreless inning, giving him an ERA of...well, it just gave him an ERA. Urdaneta had never gotten an out in the major leagues but gave up six runs. So his ERA was quantified with a symbol that I think Prince went by for a few years. But now, he has a career ERA that can be quantified with real numbers. Hooray for Lino. The best part is that his ERA for this season...is zero. The other side of the coin.

The Mets now head to San Francisco for a three game set, and Monday night's pitching matchup is interesting: Ollie Perez vs. none other than Barry Zito, who spurned the Mets to sign with San Francisco, as per his greedy agent's instructions. It will be interesting to see what the wealthy lefty will do against the Mets.

And hey, speaking of greedy Mets enemies, looks like another one makes his return to the evil empire. Let's welcome him back the only way we know how, shall we?

Our signing was a lot cheaper...and Brian Lawrence didn't have to make a huge production out of it.

The Hate List Hall of Fame

You have spoken, Mets faithful. And it's official:

You love the hate list.

First off, let's give credit where credit is due. The hate list is a subconscious derivative of the "a-hole of the moment" feature from the Dodger Blues website. For those of you who think I'm funny, trust me; I don't hold a candle to these guys. Check 'em out.

Your adoration for the hate list got me thinking...if I really applied myself, I could put together a whole 25 man roster just of players that I hate (25 years of angst can't be narrowed down to just one player). And what can be better than that? I mean, people love to hate, right? ESPN dedicated a whole article on hate.

I live by the axiom: "Give the people what they want." So on this off day, I'm giving you what you want: HATE, and lots of it. Here now, my 25 man roster for the Metstradamus Hall of Hate:

Catcher: Mike Scioscia/Dodgers Catcher is a tough position to call...I have tremendous respect for catchers. And there aren't a lot of catchers that are societal freaks and curmudgeons. So it came down to one thing to get Scioscia on this list. Game 4, 1988 NLCS. It was cold...bitter cold. And Scioscia's HR ensured that I would sit in the upper deck for three more innings and watch the Mets lose.

First Base: Jeff Kent/Many Teams Kent has played some first base so he goes here to make room for my hall of fame second baseman. It didn't help that Kent came in the David Cone deal (another great Mets trade). His refusal to wear the clown outfit for rookie initiation exposed him as a sociopath. Then started his assault on hall of fame numbers after he leaves. And his fake Texas accent ticks me off. The man with the porn star mustache is from California for heaven's sake! The only time I ever rooted for Barry Bonds was in his dugout fight with Kent.

Second Base: Robby Alomar/Mets From day one, was not excited about being a Met...complaining about Mark Shapiro and how Cleveland mistreated him, then near the end complained that he didn't have a reason to come to the ballpark. Boo hoo. I'll forever love Roger Cedeno for teasing Alomar about his baseball card and causing Alomar to expose himself as a thin-skinned crybaby.

Shortstop: Rey Ordonez/Mets Another tough position to call, but when you call Met fans "too stupid", you zoom to the top of the list...especially when it's the only time in seven years that you decided to speak english to reporters. (Derek Jeter should get a special mention here, but I hate more what he represents and the elevated status he gets from the New York press at the expense at the rest of the Yankees roster, than the man himself. I won't even mention how Jeter's whole legacy started on a home run that should have been an out.)

Third Base: Larry Jones/Braves He could be the utility man of the group, since he can play short and left field as well. But I have lots of outfielders for this team and not really anyone else at third. Larry, who said that Met fans would go home and put on their Yankee gear, and named his child Shea for crying out loud, is the clear cut winner at third.

Left Field: Vince Coleman/Cardinals and Mets For those who are only old enough to remember Brave hate, in the mid 80's there was Cardinals hate...now that was hate. Coleman was one of the pesky punch and judy slap hitters that drove the Mets nuts...then came to the Mets and was useless. On top of that, he threw firecrackers at children, thought that playing on grass would keep him out of the hall of fame, and didn't know who Jackie Robinson was! What a role model.

Center Field: Ken Griffey Jr./Reds Turns down a trade to the Mets in 2000 so he can go home to Cincinnati. After that, can't stay healthy, and misses out on the Subway Series that he could have been the difference for. Karma's a bitch, aint it Junior?

Right Field: Bobby Bonilla/Mets Do you realize that from 2011 to 2035, Bobby Bonilla will be receiving checks from the Mets to finish the big contract he signed? And for what? For being the centerpiece of the worst team in history? For daring reporters to knock the smile off his face? For threatening to show a reporter the Bronx? For playing cards with Rickey Henderson during Game 6 of the 1999 NLCS?

Righty Ace: Roger Clemens/Yankees "I thought it was the ball." Jackass!

Lefty Ace: Mike Hampton/Rockies The inspiration for this article. (Editor's note: Great catch as usual by Matt Cerrone where the compensatory pick from Hampton's departure turned into David Wright. That's some silver lining. However, I will continue to enjoy the Mets bashing his brains in at every opportunity).

Third Starter: Mike Scott/Astros While a Met, was dubbed "The Human White Flag". Then waits until he leaves to learn to cheat. Was the MVP of the 1986 NLCS for cheating in games 1 and 4.

Fourth Starter: John Tudor/Cardinals One of the best lines I ever read about a pitcher, and I can't remember where it was from, was that "John Tudor always looks like he's pitching right after a root canal surgery". Priceless.

Fifth Starter: David Wells/Yankees It takes a lot to make this team without having any direct connections with the Mets, but Wells does it. But he makes the list because he says stupid things like "If I were Kenny Rogers, I would have done the same thing", then proceeds to know why the cameraman was winking. I could sit here and say that Wells is really brave when it comes to talking to the media about such things, and that I bet he wouldn't have the guts to go up to the cameraman and tell him what he thinks...and that Wells is one of those guys who purposely takes the controversial side so he can be "hip and edgy" so he can have a permanent place on the panel of "The Best Damn Sports Show, Period" when he retires. But I don't know Wells personally, so I would never say such things. And until Wells gets to know this cameraman personally, the fat drunk should butt out!

Righty Closer: Armando Benitez/Mets Has the intestinal fortitude of a marshmallow. Can't win a big game, whines that the media only talks to him when he loses, and only throws at a hitter because he hits him well (a la Clemens).

Lefty Closer: John Rocker/Braves You know why. I'm not going to insult your intelligence by expounding any further.

Middle Relief: Donne Wall/Mets Gives up a home run to Jason Jennings in Jennings' first ever game. I spent the next half inning heckling him mercilessly. There's a good story that goes with this, but I have to save some stuff for posting in the off-season when it's slow.

Middle Relief: Mike Stanton/Yankees and Mets Those of you who read regularly know that I can't stand Mike Stanton. It's not only the fact that Stanton was an important cog on the great Yankee teams and gave up three run HR's to the likes of Endy Chavez as a Met, but during the post game celebration after the 2000 World Series, Stanton actually bothered to spray champagne at the TV screen in the clubhouse when Bobby Valentine was doing a post game interview. I wanted no part of him after that. And not only that, Stanton was the guy who whined and bitched that the Mets were too public with their 9/11 charity work (thank you darth marc for reminding me of that). Only Mike Stanton could take a horrible tragedy and use it as a point for Yankee/Met propaganda. Good job, you're a class act. Now go have a another McRib.

Middle Relief: Mike DeJean/Mets An awful, awful pitcher. But that alone usually doesn't get you on this team...Mike DeJean pulled a Bobby Bonilla and complained to the official scorer about charging David Wright with an error so his ERA would go down from 800 to 799.90. David Wright is the future of the franchise and Mike DeJean is a washed up reliever who once argued with his manager on the mound for all to see. But DeJean felt it necessary to throw Wright under a bus. Nice.

Bench: Brian Jordan/Braves When he was traded away from Atlanta for Gary Sheffield, I thought the Mets got the best end of the deal...they wouldn't see Brian Jordan 19 times a year.

Bench: Eddie Perez/Braves This team needs a catcher, and Eddie Perez is one of those guys that chirps when a pitcher throws a ball one inch inside.

Bench: Pat Burrell/Phillies Why he turns into a monster at Shea is beyond me.

Bench: Terry Pendleton/Cardinals September 11th, 1987 may be the most heartbreaking game I've ever been to at Shea. Two outs, two strikes, ninth inning, Mets up by two runs with Roger McDowell on the mound and one strike away from cutting the Cardinals' lead in the division to a mere half game...Terry Pendleton moves up in the box to jack a sinker out to center field to tie the game. Then after getting two runners on for Keith Hernandez in the bottom of the inning, he grounded out to first and the Cards won it in the 10th. It's generally regarded as the game which cemented the pennant for the Cardinals. Once again, there's a great story that accompanies this game, but I'm not emptying my chamber at this point. Let's just say that Pendleton home run caused many a fan to go home with sore bones for years after.

Bench: Pedro Guerrero/Dodgers You may think Pedro makes the list solely for throwing his bat at David Cone after being hit with a curveball, but before a 1988 game at Shea Stadium, Pedro Guerrero made an effort to sign every program down the third base line...and skipped me! Yeah, this one's a little personal but, my team...my rules.

Bench: Jose Vizcaino/Yankees Remember that game winning hit in game one of the World Series that the traitor was responsible for? Well Vizcaino received the ball from either a fan or a stadium type, but Vizcaino lost the ball in the glove compartment of a rented car. It's a small victory, but I still hate him.

Bench: Juan Gonzalez/Rangers "I want to be a Met" he says before he decides to sign with the Rangers. He's played 186 games in the three and 1/2 seasons since his last minute change of heart. See: "Ken Griffey Jr."

Manager: Whitey Herzog/Cardinals As I have said before, before Braves hate, there was Cardinals hate. And the personification of Cardinals hate was their manager, Whitey Herzog. His nickname, "The White Rat" was fitting. I can't think of any more fitting punishment for him than to manage this bunch.

Bench Coach: Art Howe/Mets Here is all you need to know about Art Howe: August 29th, 2004, after basically being asleep the entire season, wakes up in time to pull off his greatest managerial feat in his Met career...he plays the infield in with a runner on third base with the score 8-1 Dodgers. As you know, a 7 run lead with one out in the eighth is fine, but an eight run lead in the eighth is insurmountable. (Otherwise known as "WHY?") Steve Finley singled to center to drive in the run, and put the game away.

Bench Coach: Dallas Green/Mets There are many others you can make a case for here, Buddy Harrelson and Jeff Torborg come to mind. And while I see the arguments I go with Dallas Green for basically throwing away Jeromy Burnitz and ruining Generation K by pitching them into the ground.

General Manager: Al Harazin/Mets Oh lord Harazin was beyond bad...he wasn't even a baseball guy, he was a lawyer posing as a baseball man. I think he's actually teaching a law class now. This was the man that not only wheeled David Cone, but put together that awful 1993 team. Frank Tanana? Tony Fernandez? Butch Huskey? Harazin wins...hands down!

Uniforms: 1993 Mets home uniforms The official wardrobe of failure.

Close runner up: The 1988-1992 Mets road unis. When the Mets went to a script "New York" for the roadies during the 1987 season, Wally Backman had mentioned that the best part about the new unis was that the letters weren't in block form to look like the Yankees. So what do the Mets do in 1988? They go with the Yankee style block letters. Thanks for listening.