What Have You Learned? Omar Minaya

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today, we look at everyone's least favorite person with everyone's favorite job: Omar Minaya.

Remember how easy it used to be to get a t-shirt that said "In Omar We Trust"? Now they're about as readily available as those Patriots 19-0 gold coins ... and worth about as much.

It's gotta be tough to be Minaya these days. He's the very definition of lame duck ... between his people getting fired around him, hiring new people who could possibly replace him (and I wonder whether Minaya was "encouraged" to do this), and having reports pop up that the only reason you have your job is because of the extension you signed, I'd say that would make a man feel quite inadequate. Good thing he's in the sports business, where there's no shortage of advice for that kind of thing.

What has Omar Minaya learned? Hopefully, how to choose his battles more wisely.

What must he learn for 2010? Unfortunately, he's going to have to learn how to be somebody he's not. Look, I think Minaya is a good GM ... but not for what this franchise needs. His strengths, being able to sign the big fish being paramount among them, was something the Mets desperately needed after the 2004 season when they badly needed an infusion of star power. The Mets don't need that now. They have enough stars. They need a GM who knows how to construct a roster 1-25. Minaya has proven that's not a strength for him. most egregiously with the Darren O'Day debacle (yeah, that still bothers me). But if he's going to keep his job past this season, he's going to have to make it a strength.

Is that fair? Absolutely not. I'm not a fan of putting people in a position to fail. When you start firing people to "send messages", you get away from the mission statement. Now who the %#$* knows what the Mets mission statement is, but what they seem to be doing is trying to "light a fire" under Minaya. The problem is that you can light a fire to make somebody hustle, or give more effort. But pressure doesn't make you smarter. School makes you smarter. And Minaya graduated Newtown High School way back in 1978. If there's something he didn't pick up before then, it's not coming.

But he's got one chance to fix this. I don't know if that's possible in one season. Problems like the Mets have get fixed from the ground up, and that takes years. Maybe Minaya can do what he does best and go after the best free agents out there, whom to me are Matt Holliday (NLDS Game 2 error not withstanding) and John Lackey. But that's going to be rough. Holliday would have to do what few do, and that's play in St. Louis for a half a season then actually leave ... since players love being there. Lackey? I see him either staying in Anaheim or going home to Texas, so Omar might be chasing his tail on both of them. With the rest of the free agent market lukewarm at best, Omar is going to have to change course and try something else.

Maybe that draft class from 2008 which includes Ike Davis and Reese Havens will be confirm Minaya's skills as a builder. But who knows if and when the Mets can reap those grains? Maybe Chris Carter will be a good first step, but that's assuming he makes the club. Minaya's best chances to fix this might not contribute until after he's gone. Since much of his staff will be starting from scratch, is there really a chance to make meaningful improvements in one season?

You want to fix it this year? Well, that might involve mortgaging some future, and that's what makes a lame duck dangerous, getting rid of future to save his job today. Here's the two edges to this sword: A: People say you have no future in your farm system ... and that's part of what needs fixing with this organization. But B: Omar says that's overblown, that there are some pieces that other teams want. All right, prove it. Make a trade for Derrek Lee if that's the case. Make a trade for Dan Uggla and Jeremy Hermida and give Florida more salary relief if that's the case. Make a trade for Doc Halladay if that's the case.

I don't know what the exact answer is. But if you want to fix this, maybe a good way to start is to watch a replay of the Tigers/Twins playoff, where you'll see two teams with talent up and down the roster, not to mention the balls to trust that talent when it mattered most. (You'll also see a team who won said playoff game where the winning pitcher was a guy you released in '05 ... probably to make room for Julio Franco or Juan Marichal or Juan Marichal's grandmother on the 40 man roster.)

Maybe a good way to start is to not waste roster spots on broken heroes on a last chance power drive. Don't even think about giving Gary Sheffield another season. I don't care what kind of numbers he put up, his signing was a mistake. Nick Evans' lost season was probably due in no small part because of Sheffield's signing pushing him to the minors and starting him on the abyss. Were 10 HR's and 43 RBI's worth that? Hopefully, Evans will be a viable option on the bench next season (heaven knows that Snoop Manuel made him familiar on the bench in September), along with Carter, and maybe Hermida if you trade for him. They can't be any worse than Fernando Tatis and his band of empty bench spots as the Mets played the whole season with anywhere from 23-19 players.

Maybe another way to start would be to take a chance on Miguel Cabrera, as the Tigers might try to trade him after his escapades during the last weekend of the season. Now, notice I didn't say that it would be another "good" way to start. Sure, while you wouldn't get him cheap, you might be able to get him at a slightly reduced rate. But if you want to change the entitlement that the locker room has been accused of having, Cabrera would be the absolute worst option you could choose. I know it's tempting, but now that the Mets are on a streak of sweeping final series, the last thing the Mets need is a lazy problem child who goes on benders and tells kids they're fat after once being as big as an El Dorado.

Other than that, have at it. Go forth and fix the team, somehow someway. Just go against everything you've ever been taught about how to run a team. Easy, right? Figure out what you've learned, Omar. Then forget all of it.

Our Sun Be Sinking

It's meaningless late September losses to the Cubs that make me opine for the days of Craig Brazell.

Sad, isn't it?

Brazell was the guy who basically knocked the Cubs out of the playoffs in 2004 with his one and only major league home run. The Mets could have used him in the ninth inning today, as they went down to the Cubs 5-3 on Saturday. With the Cubs basically out of it, it wouldn't have been much fun to beat them anyway. But I still wonder about Brazell who, had he been given the chance, probably would have led the Mets in home runs this season. Then maybe it would have been called "Craig's Corner", and not "Utley's Corner".

Don't believe me? Brazell currently plays for the Hanshin Tigers in Japan, and earlier this week he had three home runs in two games, including two in one inning. (And yes, as much as Met fans have been crying through tissues this season, there actually exists a "Kleenex Stadium" in Japan. How unfortunately appropriate a sponsor that might have been for our house.)

Yeah, you remember Japan, right? It's where Derrek Lee's two home runs landed.

Alas, Brazell and his Quadruple A bat are a half a world away. In return is the young man you see above: Taiki Kawasaki ... step one in the restocking of the farm system. He's seventeen years old, has a high 80's fastball, and was trained at a school run by Julio Franco. Throw in Jesus Flores, a car dealership, and a poster of Orlando Hernandez and you have one hell of a joke you can tell to your friends. You just have to write it yourself.

Step two in the restocking of the farm system is a young man named Eddie Lora, the supposed completion of the Billy Wagner trade which was supposed to bring back two players, but because the Yankees put in a waiver claim on Chris Carter, now only brings back Lora. So Brian Cashman, in an effort to annoy the Red Sox, probably got them a bit more cash or perhaps another player since now Carter may have to come here in a second trade ... at least that's how it reads to me.

Everything's coming up roses, as always.

$126 Million Buys A Lot Of Crazy Juice

Okay, I know it's all the art of negotiation. And Scott Boras is good at it. But Derek Lowe is now exposed as a special kinda crazy.

It's not so much that he's asking for a seven-year deal worth about $126 million. I personally think that the 35-year-old Lowe has a better chance of flying to Washington in a private jet and asking the government for a bailout, but that's just me.

But the very fact that Scott Boras would verbalize his request as wanting "a Zito-type contract" that kills me. Does Boras really know what ghost he's waking up by even acknowledging that Barry Zito exists? The last thing I would want to do if I'm Boras is get GM's thinking, "Barry Zito ... oh yeah, that's the guy who started last season 0-8 and has gone 21-30 in a supposedly weaker hitting league since signing the contract that Derek Lowe currently wants. Yeah sure! I'll pay that money to a 35-year-old. And while I'm at it, I'll throw myself in front of a truck. My odds of survival will be about the same!"

Let's see: Frankie Rodriguez had 62 rescues last harvest, will be 27 years old next season, yet is currently struggling to get a four year deal. And Derek Lowe wants Zito money for seven seasons? Hey, I want to see Lowe in Queens as much as anybody but if Omar Minaya lays out this money, he's crazier than I thought he was when he gave Julio Franco two years. (This, Omar, is where fiscal responsibility is a good thing.)

***

Speaking of Julio Franco and disposable income, I was recently made aware of a list of prices for autographed baseballs. Least expensive signed baseball on the board seems to be the one for former Met Eric Valent, who once hit for the cycle. You can use your disposable income to get a baseball signed by Valent for $49.00.

Not to make Valent feel bad or anything, but here's a partial list of players who you have to shell out more money for to get their signature on a baseball:

• Lastings Milledge: $79.99
• Aaron Heilman: $79.99 ("Aaron Heilman is considered to be an integral piece of the Mets future, whether it be in the bullpen or starting rotation" ... or in Colorado.)
• Jorge Julio: $69.99 (that's a buck per team he's played with)
• Julio Franco: $59.99
• Joe McEwing: $50.00
• Colby Rasmus: $49.99
• Valent: $49.00

You know your major league career has been disrespected when for 99 cents more than the price of a ball signed by you, you can get a ball autographed by a guy who hit .251 at AAA ball last year and to date has never had a major league at-bat. Apparently hitting for the cycle isn't quite worth an extra buck.

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Steal 'Em!

I'd wonder if we could think of a way to keep Augie Ojeda out of the ballpark today on after his six RBI's crushed the Mets on Saturday. But the guys I'm thinking of probably have more important people in mind that they have to kidnap before all hell breaks loose.

But hey, what's Julio Franco doing these days?

Three The Hard Way

It was a daunting task to salvage this Braves series after the horrid outing on Friday night, as they came into the weekend staring down Tim Hudson and John Smoltz.

But oh miracle of miracles, both were chased over the weekend, and everything is right in Met-land ... at least for now.

Chasing Hudson on Saturday alone after three innings was a phenomenal feat considering the success he's enjoyed against the Mets last season (only 2-2, but a 3.33 ERA and a 1.11 WHIP last season). It was so phenomenal that I sat in my chair thinking "nah, he has to be hurt." But sure enough, he's not.

Smoltz however, could very well be hurt as he felt discomfort in his shoulder after his shaky four innings of work during Sunday's Met win. Many, Braves fans and Mets fans alike, will poo-poo the two wins over Atlanta as a result of Smoltz not feeling his best and Larry Jones not playing at all. Valid. But for you Braves fans that come with that argument remember this: Injuries are something that your Braves came into this season being prone/ripe for. It's not like the Braves are suffering freak injuries to guys like Mark Teixeira and Tim Hudson and Jeff Francoeur ... guys who are in their prime and didn't have the injury tag following them. This is happening to the guys over or nearing 40: Jones, who hasn't been injury free since he was telling us to put our Yankee gear on, and Smoltz, who's been healthy since missing all of '00 and most of '01 but is over 40. And let's not forget Tom Glavine, who's never been on the DL until now ... over the age of 40.

(And don't get me started on Mike Hampton.)

Those are the guys that many who picked the Braves to win the World Series (I'm looking at you, Jayson Stark) cited as big reasons. So downgrade the significance of the Mets weekend victories. It's valid. But you're also downgrading your argument about the Braves being a serious World Series contender.

The Mets don't have that to lean on as an excuse, but they do have an old guy in Carlos Delgado who has been awful lately ... until his two solo HR's today which accomplished one very important thing: It made me feel better about ordering that discounted Delgado jersey that I seriously thought about burying underneath the Jackie Robinson rotunda when it comes in the mail.

But Delgado did not want to take a curtain call. Apparently the Shea crowd has become the husband that stayed out carousing all night, and then coming home to his wife (Delgado) and did nothing to berate her and call her things like "fat" and "mean" and "lousy in bed" and "can't hit a curve ball" for weeks. Then all of a sudden the husband tries to make it up to her by buying her flowers, but the wife is still mad so she doesn't reciprocate by baking those Toll House cookies he likes. So Delgado and the fans have a strained relationship right now.

I wonder if Delgado stopped and took the time to think: "WWJD"?

And of course, that stands for "What Would Julio Franco Do?"

"I've got a great deal of respect for the game, and I don't think that's the place for a curtain call." -Carlos Delgado

I hope that the same fans who have been complaining that the Mets lost last year because Jose Reyes and Lastings Milledge fired other clubs up by dancing too much don't come out now and say that Delgado should have taken a curtain call.

That's of course assuming that they buy Delgado's explanation, and don't dismiss it as covering up a desire to stick it to the fans for booing him. Although when you look up "Carlos Delgado Curtain Call" on Google Images, you really don't find a picture of Delgado taking a curtain call. So I'm not sure what to make of it. I just hope Delgado's hitting continues and that I don't get booed at Shea when I wear his jersey.

Slow Pitch

Has there seriously been talk of Barry Bonds being signed by the Mets?

Seriously?

All right, let's put aside the fact that after a full night of rooting for a Mets team with Barry Bonds as a member would dictate that you take a full scrub bath with iodine after leaving Shea Stadium at night. Put aside your moral qualms for just a second here: At this point what's left of his career, Barry Bonds is a softball player. He plays seven innings, he jogs around the bases, and defense is an afterthought. This is the best the Mets can do to replace Moises Alou?

I advocate a deal for Xavier Nady if that's what it comes down to. But ... if it's a softball player the Mets are after, they have other options. Let's look at some as we do our part to spare the Mets the P.R. nightmare and media coverage bloodsucker known as Barry Bonds:

Jennie Finch, USA: The conversation starts and ends here when it comes to softball players. Finch went 32-0 in 2002 for the University of Arizona, and 15-0 for the U.S. National team in 2004. She would immediately slide into the role of 5th starter for the Mets. And she solves the age issue as she's young enough to be Orlando Hernandez's grand-daughter.

Kaitlin Cochran, Arizona State: She's only a sophomore, but she's already demolished the record books in the Pac 10, with a slugging percentage of .838 and 35 HR's in 377 career AB's. In a sport dominated by pitching, this is an accomplishment. Two problems here though: She's a lefty, and her favorite team is the Dodgers ... which tells me that she'd want to play for a west coast team anyway.

Dusty Diamond, Nintendo: I'm still trying to figure out whether Dusty Diamond is real, or just an old Nintendo video game, but it's addicting nonetheless.

Les Nessman, WKRP in Cincinnati: The guy I really want is the guy from that softball episode who caught line drives at third base with a beer can in his throwing hand. But since we have David Wright (and since Bailey Quarters isn't available ... I asked), we'll take Nessman who made a spectacular catch to end the episode in right field.

Metstradamus, Hoffman Park: Admittedly, I'm way past my prime, which lasted about two days. But I'm right-handed, I once hit .400 in a season, and spent most of my time playing first base ... although I can spell Luis Castillo and David Wright once in a while. I even had a walk-off hit robbed from me as a speedy runner was inexplicably held at third on a single to center field.

And, I'm young enough to be Julio Franco's grandson.

Please submit your suggestions here.

Sweating The Small Stuff

All right, all right. So Johan Santana is finally, officially a Met (get your jerseys to commemorate the occasion) and we can all relax for the 12 days until pitchers and catchers report. Right?

Well the roster seems to be set ... if you look at the depth chart (which will eventually be updated with Johan's name in place of Jason Vargas), everybody seems to have a purpose from the bench players (between Marlon Anderson, Endy Chavez, Fluff Castro and Damion Easley, all the positions should be covered) and the bullpen, there doesn't seem to be a wasted spot available, as there was when the Mets had Julio Franco, his .112 batting average and his timely knack for hitting into those clutch double plays. But 13 pitchers seem to be a bit much, especially if Orlando Hernandez is going to be the fifth starter instead of Mike Pelfrey, and the Mets decide to send Pelfrey down instead of making him sit around collecting dust bunnies in the bullpen. Then it would be time for that extra bench guy. So who's it gonna be?

Jose Valentin: Familiarality with the organization, plus a soothing effect on Jose Reyes (like Pepto Bismol, I guess) are big pros. Injuries, and the fact that he plays positions that are already taken care of by Easley and Anderson are a negative. Maybe he should rub some Pepto on his joints. Odds: 3-1

Kenny Lofton: The fact that he's been on a playoff team every season from 1995-2007 (minus '05) is a plus. Negatives? Well none of those teams have won the whole thing, and lately he's presided over a 3-1 series lead against the Marlins (Steve Bartman), a 3-0 series lead over the Red Sox (we know how that went), and a 3-1 series lead over the Red Sox (Boston is Kenny's kryptonite, obviously). Not that Lofton had much to do with those collapses ... in fact, Lofton had a very good personal playoff run last season (at least against the Yankees, he only hit .222 against Boston). But if Kenny was graded on mojo and karma, he'd be in existential summer school. Odds: 15-1

Kevin Mench: Now we're talking, right? Righty pop off the bench is a plus. Mench has a career .465 slugging percentage, and 84 K's per 600 AB's isn't horrible. But here's what is horrible: Mench would probably be a pinch hitter on a lot of occasions to try to either break games open, or get the Mets back in the game with one swing. Check out Mench's numbers as a pinch hitter: Peeeeeeeeeee-yoooooooooooooou! Career: 51 PA's and 47 AB's: one lonely HR and a batting average of .106 ... that's not only on the interstate, that's an interstate you'd only find on those kind of roads in Pennsylvania that you drive on in the dead of night and think "I wonder if this is that kind of road where the aliens hang out and beam people up from." Odds: 25-1

Bobby Kielty: Kielty hit a huge home run for the Red Sox in their clinching World Series game against Colorado, and if Ryan Church turns out to be a disaster, Kielty could be that right-handed platoon player that helps save the offense. Ironically, Santana's trade to the Mets would end any hopes of Kielty going back to Boston unless they traded Coco Crisp in a separate trade. Best part about Kielty is that he's a career .281 pinch hitter. Downside: His overall stats are nothing spectacular. And he has big, bright, orange hair. Imagine Sideshow Bob as a Met. Is this a future you want for your children? Odds: 35-1

Chris Shelton: Now here's a guy worth taking a look at. Shelton is currently a member of the Rangers organization, but not on the 40 man roster after Texas acquired pitcher Kazuo Fukumori. You remember Shelton as the guy who hit 2,000 (10) HR's for the Detroit Tigers in April of 2006 and he was everybody's superstud of the year, and the world made him the most popular fantasy pick-up in the free world on May 1st of that year. So if Shelton was up with the Mets in April of '08 he could do some serious damage. The problem is that the season doesn't end on May 1st, and Shelton played his way into the minors for all of 2007, where he only hit 14 HR's for Toledo. Not Arlington, Seattle, or even Florida ... Toledo. Besides, he would probably cost a minor leaguer in return, and I'm not sure we have any more of those after getting Santana. Odds: 45-1

Barry Bonds: Now there's some pop off the bench. Downside: Would there be room in the lockerroom for that big reclining chair? Odds: 2,000,000-1

Disclaimer: The reader of this blog assumes all risks occurring prior to, during, or after the blog entry including specifically (but not exclusively), the danger of having your computer ruined by spitting your cheerios with milk on to your keyboard after reading the name "Barry Bonds" in reference to the possibility of becoming a New York Met. The reader agrees that The Musings and Prophecies of Metstradamus, Major League Baseball, it's respective owners, officers and employees, the participating clubs and their respective officers, players, employees and agents are expressly released by the holder form claims arising from such causes.

Get Your Free 2008 Stuff

First off, I want to congratulate Dave Magadan and the Boston Red Sox for winning the World Championship, their second in four seasons. The Sox were the best team all season, and certainly had this coming to them. Congrats, boys!

By now, you probably are aware of what this title means...it means that because of a promotion by Jordan's furniture, Sox fans who bought their furniture during a two week stretch in April now have that furniture for free thanks to Boston's world championship.

To that end, the New York Mets are being creative for some of their promotions next season:

• Pokerstars.net is offering a promotion where you can play all you want in the month of April. If the Mets hire Rickey Henderson or Bobby Bonilla as coaches, all your losses during the month are covered.
• Along the same lines, Nathan's has a promotion where if Henderson, the world's biggest hot dog, returns to active duty with the Mets and steals a base, everyone in America will get a free hot dog! (But only if you go to Nathan's between 4 and 5 AM on December 25th, 2008.
• The courthouse in Kew Gardens is running an interesting promotion: If Willie Randolph is ejected from a game in 2008, your pending court cases in October will be, you guessed it, thrown out!
• Hey, seniors! Your AARP dues for 2008 will be waived if the Mets bring back Julio Franco (as a player, or a coach.)
• And finally, if the Mets choke away a bigger lead in '08 than they did in '07, just visit your neighborhood Kentucky Fried Chicken and get all the free chicken you can eat during the month of October (boneless, for your protection.)

So you see, with all the time off they've had this past month, the Mets have spent that time wisely to come up with some exciting promotions to enhance your enjoyment of the upcoming season. I for one can't wait.

I'm Home

Never before have two little words held so much meaning.

Those of you who have been to a country or countries in the eastern hemisphere can imagine how much of a shock it is to the system to go back and forth between the two, not only in terms of a culture shock, but a shock to the internal clock. For example: as you can tell from my posts, I don't go to bed until about 4AM or later on some nights. So what time did I wake up the first morning after arriving back home?

4AM, of course.

Yes, I'm home...if not quite in the pocket. So I trust that you will forgive me if you're reading this and thinking that I'm a little all over the place. (You would be all over the place too if you took a flight from Barcelona thinking that you were landing at Newark airport...only to be diverted to an Air Force base in Poughkeepsie because you don't have enough gas to remain in a holding pattern for thirty minutes...then get gas as if you were at the Dolly Madison rest stop and go up in the sky again for a half an hour to go from Poughkeepsie to Newark in a 757 airbus. And did I mention that we did all this in the rain with visibility at a mile and a quarter? All that was left to happen was for me to see Mel Rojas on the wing of the plane and I was ready to go into crash position right then and there.)

But I'm home...and after those harrowing plane rides, plus the taxi ride afterwards (I'm not going into that, but let's just say the Newark TLC got a phone call from me today), the words "I'm home" aren't just time fillers. They're pure emotion. ("I'm exhausted" could count as pure emotion as well...for the first time in a long time, I was happy that the Mets had a day off. I couldn't stay awake past 10PM last night...and that's not the blogger you know and love).

It was an amazing trip. Spain? Italy? France? The Principality of Monaco? Yes, I hit all of these places (along with Poughkeepsie), and as a result I have European culture dripping out of my pores (I plan to see a doctor about this right away). But yes, I've learned many things. Even visited the Roman Colosseum. It was a pitchers park, for sure. I learned that the park factor slanted the advantage even more in favor of the Lions over the Christians than even we thought. The Colosseum gets loads of visitors every day...so many in fact, that they say the place hadn't seen so much action since 79 B.C. when Emperor Aase gave up a home run to Augustus, and then subsequently was eaten by a Lion named Schottzie.

(The official Roman mascot back in those times was called the "Pompeii Phanatic". Our tour guide told us so.)

Also saw a young boy in a "Totti" jersey get a gas face from one of the local waiters in Rome, which is funny since this Totti character is on the Italian national soccer team, and has even played his entire career in the city of Rome. So why would a guy in Rome wince at the sight of his jersey? That's when I learned from our tour guide that the English translation of "Totti" is actually "Schoeneweis". Who knew?

You know what else I learned? Our American dollar sucks. One euro is worth about $1.44 right now. How are we a country so prosperous that we have wifi compatibility in McDonald's, but can't produce currency worth a damn? Perhaps we should put Ronald McDonald on the dollar bill and put good ol' George to rest. We're complaining about $7.00 beers at Shea? I went to the bar in our Barcelona hotel and ordered two Coca-Colas. Not the 16 ounce bottles we're used to...more like little eight ounce thimbles. For two little Cokes? Nine euros...which is like 14 bucks.

You heard right: $7.00 Cokes at eight ounces a pop. I could get wine for a piece of string, but needed to put down a mortgage for a Coke and a Coke Light (that's lingo for Diet Coke). Now Barcelona is a beautiful city but mamma mia, seven dollars for a mouthful of Coke?

I'm home. And do you know who else is home? Check out the following quote:

"I asked God, if I don't come to Atlanta, I might as well pack it up. I wouldn't go anywhere else, because at my stage and age, if I go anywhere, guys don't know how to use me and they don't know me as well as this organization.
I'm home." -Julio Franco, upon re-signing with Atlanta

Forgive me if I'm not breaking out my kleenex for you and your egg whites, Julio.

Let me tell you why this bothers me, and if you're a Braves fan visiting my blog, it should bother you too. It bothers me because I can't remember the last time someone came to the Mets and proclaimed "I'm home". People always have to be convinced when it comes to the Mets. Then they leave to go "home". Franco had to be convinced about the Mets when it came to giving him the extra season on his contract, without which he would have never been here in the first place.

And that's why it should bother you Braves fans. Oh sure, you rolled out the red carpet for him with your "Ju-li-o" chants and made him feel welcome in his first game back. "Ooh, he loves us, he came home for us." No, he came home because he was hitting .200 with the Mets, and he had no real choice. Funny how when the last time Ju-li-o did have a choice at the beginning of 2006 about whether to return "home", or whether to take an extra season's contract with the arch-rivals, your beloved Ju-li-o left "home" for the money. But now, with nowhere else to turn, he goes home...like the kid who drops out of college and needs money for food so he moves back home for all the chicken and homemade brownies he can eat. Must make you Braves fans feel good.

Of course, the first thing he does with the Braves is pull a baseball for a two run single. He hasn't gotten a hit since, which mean his next one will be against the Mets in a key spot, against the team that is paying the rest of his salary. I can feel it.

But I'm home. And the Mets returned home a day after me. They were 6-3 in my absence, which is probably a good reason to have customs keep me out of the country. But I'm happy to be back...back to reasonably priced soda, sporting events that I'm familiar with (the Hard Rock Cafe in Barcelona had on their big screen, of all things, the Formula One race...won by Fernando Alonso if you must know) and soap that doesn't smell like bacon (don't ask). Back to the wonder that is John Maine, pitching well and smacking one over the wall in a single bound, and Lastings Milledge throwing in a two run bomb as if to say "Franco Schmanco". Maine, Milledge, and those like them are going to have to carry me during this period of blogging rehab for me, because after a week plus away, I'm rusty. My computer is rusty. And Julio Franco has gone home, which means my old man jokes are rusty. But as long as Moises Alou and I rehab together, then things are going to end up being just fine.

Fine indeed...because I'm home.

Addition By Fire

It wasn't so long ago where Lastings Milledge was the brash rookie on the cusp of blowing up at the media for their unfair portrayal of him, and it was the wily veteran pulling him aside and keeping him from the harsh spotlight, while explaining to him how things worked, giving the young man lessons in humility and selflessness.

Not even a year later, it's the same young man pushing the wily vet, now painted in some circles as the selfish one, out the door.

The many moves of Omar Minaya and company over the last 24 hours all had purpose...just maybe not the ones you might think. Julio Franco could always balance out his diminishing skills with his positive clubhouse influence and with a sprinkled in hit every now and again...that is, until the hits stopped coming, and the positive clubhouse influence came into question. Was he selfish? Did he think more about his playing time than about where he fit into the team's overall plans...or even his place in the universe?

Silly me for thinking that Franco had a little existentialist in him. In fact, Franco acted like the jilted lover who tried to paint it as if he was going to dump the Mets before the Mets dumped him. A 48-year-old with the same thought patterns as a 16-year-old...if not necessarily the same bat speed.

But if Franco was surprised that it was the Mets who cut the cord and not Franco, then think of how surprised the rest of us were. By the time 2006 ended, Franco had already started showing signs of being the waste of an out that he is at this point. But the Mets had understood that the only reason Franco chose the Mets was because of the second season that they gave him...so the Mets became Warren Beatty in "Heaven Can Wait" in that boardroom when he talked about going to the Super Bowl, and when we get there, let's already have won. It was a rant about doing things the right way, and not being ruthless. The problem was that the Mets weren't going to any Super Bowl or World Series by doing the right thing. The Mets had done their part and more by Julio. But it was time to cut the cord. Omar isn't running a retirement home here. And I hate to say this, but doing the sentimental thing for an aging ballplayer is for the fourth and fifth place teams that have no other reason for the paying customer to come see them (see: Todd Zeile putting the tools of ignorance on for one last game in 2004).

And as for Rick Down? Hey, the Mets had become complacent. It used to be the Mets who would have slower than dirt players steal bases against sleeping teams, or just simply making the smart play. Over the last month or so, it was the opponents who would turn that around on the Mets. Teams like that need a shakeup...and benching Jose Reyes for an inning in a game that you're losing by four runs isn't quite enough. Once you eliminate all of the coaches that would make no sense to fire, all you had left was Down. No matter what you feel about the job he did, and he probably wasn't as bad as 2005 and 2007 made him look and certainly not as good as 2006 made him seem, you have to admit that it made the most sense to let him go as your shakeup scapegoat.

Of course, firing Rick Down didn't buy the Mets a run with a runners on second and third and nobody out in the eighth inning, but you have Milledge scoring the winning run on a single to center field...from first base. Try that with Julio Franco.

You have Jose Reyes turning a single to center into a double by hustling...a far away concept just a week ago...and you have Orlando Hernandez stealing a base...just like old times (emphasis on "old").

You also have Reyes and Ruben Gotay with a Mets first: back to back jacks to start the game. Making history is a good thing. Being in the lineup to make history because Jose Valentin was sporting a team colored gauze pad because he tried to break up a bar fight? That's just like old times too...like Cooter's in 1986 old. (Reports that Rick Aguilera was somehow involved are not, I repeat, not confirmed.)

And you have Reyes cleverly throwing to third base to nail a runner in the ninth inning, as he didn't do when the Mets were in their funk.

Now add it all together, and then add Rickey Henderson. Imagine the comedic possibilities, and enjoy the second half.

Grey Dawn

After a seventeen inning game, while throwing a pitcher making his first start back from injury, not much could have really been expected, so the All-Star break comes at a wonderful time for the Mets to rest their old bones.

Old bones which seemingly are getting older at an exponential rate.

If you missed it: Ricky Ledee was designated for assignment to make room for Dave Williams, who was the sacrificial lamb on Sunday for the Mets (although when you walk the opposing pitcher and giving up a dinger to a .228 hitter, most likely, you are sacrificing your own lamb). While Ledee may not be any great shakes, the man who got a reprieve on the roster is yet another quadragenarian, Sandy Alomar Jr, a catcher who supposedly gives the Mets more flexibility on the bench.

But only when full containers of Icy Hot are applied.

It's probably going to be a non-issue when guys like Lastings Milledge, Jorge Sosa, and Oliver Perez come back (and heck, maybe if we're good boys and girls, even Moises Alou will take a trip down the chimney to give all of us orange and blue boys and girls an early Christmas gift...although Moises will probably tear a labrum while handing the gifts out). But does it bother anyone else that Julio Franco (forget his weight, the guy is lucky that he's hitting his age) is taking up a roster spot that is probably better served by going to Ledee, who at least can pull the ball and can move around?

And most likely, nobody is going to pick up Ricky Ledee from under our noses, but what if someone does? What if the Royals, still stinging from not getting Milton Bradley, decide that Ledee is the answer to their problems? Maybe that's the scenario of a habitual weed smoker, but stranger things have happened, right? What if we lose Ledee? I mean, they'll survive, but what will it have been for? To get Sandy Alomar Jr. one last hurrah to be a battery mate with a minor league teammate that he never actually caught? Is that what it's come to? Have the Mets become the home of the farewell tour? Is Cher playing Shea Stadium next week? Since when have the Mets become Robin Williams in that movie about the kid that aged like 10 years every 12 months?

And Julio, for Pete Schourek's sake, hang it up! Look, I'm all for athletes hanging it up on their own terms as long as it remains fun. But Julio, you're Jake Taylor in Major League II, except nobody has the guts to pull you into a room and tell you that you'd be more useful as a coach than a player because it not only might alienate the locker room, but they're afraid that God will smite them for pushing an old man out the door before his contract was up. Who knows, as a coach you might have to take over for Willie Randolph before the end of the season, just like Taylor had to take over for Lou Brown. Randolph is undergoing shoulder surgery...what if there's complications? What if they find Bill Pulsipher's bone chips and Victor Zambrano's frayed ligaments and Randolph has to be locked up in a hospital room until Christmas for his own protection? Then what?

Now that Mark Buehrle is off the market, the moves that Omar Minaya may be relegated to are the ones to shore up the back end of the team...the bench and the middle relief. Maybe a guy like Jeff Conine, who needs to be rescued from the Reds who are currently rotting from the inside out, is Omar's best option for the bench. But he can't, because he's afraid that you, Julio, will sneak into his office and put rubber bands where his paper clips should be. Nobody should live their lives in fear. But that's what's happening, because you want to be Minnie Minoso on a pennant contender.

Look, hard times call for hard words. Julio, you deserve a World Series ring. You deserve credit for turning Carlos Beltran's New York career around in '06, along with saving Pedro Martinez's life from the bat-wielding Jose Guillen. But you've become like the kids in the playground playing five-on-five baseball and only using half the field...but you're using the wrong half of the field. If you were that kid, you'd keep hitting foul balls all day and the game would never end. Instead, you make games end too quick by grounding to second base.

Dude, you're older than dirt, stone tablets, and Howard Johnson!

Chip Ambres is sticking pins in your doll!

When you were a rookie, Transformers was a television show. Now it's a movie, and you're still playing...although not in your Optimus Prime. So please, show us the person you are and consider what I'm saying...and make us see more than your .200 average. Show us you're more than meets the eye.

Sliding Bullpen Doors

Here's the answer:

Shawn Green hit a dramatic home run in the eleventh inning against the St. Louis Cardinals in Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS sending the Mets to the World Series, where they defeated the Tigers in five games. Yes?

What would have happened if Yadier Molina had been abducted by aliens off the side of I-10 in Reading, PA last October?

That's correct.

(And now your Final Jeopardy answer: Roy Oswalt for Aaron Sele. The question we were looking for was "What is a pipe dream?")

Monday night's Cardinals/Mets game...the first Cardinals/Mets at Shea Stadium since you know what...would have to go into the ninth tied at 1-1, wouldn't it?

It would have to feature Billy Wagner facing So Taguchi in the ninth inning, wouldn't it?

It would have to feature Aaron Heilman in any capacity, wouldn't it?

All that was missing was Guillermo Mota shaking off Paul Lo Duca.

It even had the Mets facing a dominant lefty Tiger. No, not Kenny Rogers, this time it was Mike Maroth...and dominant he was, if no longer a Tiger. And even though he never even pitched in last year's series, it was too close a call. It was still too much of a reminder of what could have been if, as the Jeopardy contestant said, Yadier Molina had been abducted by aliens (or injured, as he actually was).

But regardless of the fact that this outcome came eight months too late, the Mets will take it. They'll take the excellent bullpen work by Wagner, Heilman, and for pure level of difficulty: Pedro Feliciano and his Houdini act in the seventh inning, getting Scott Spiezio (oh, the pangs of reminder) to ground out back to the box and preserve the tie, and set up Shawn Green's 11th inning swing (which was reminiscent of a five year old with a new Nintendo Wii swinging with that exaggerated uppercut from his foul ball to his game winning walk off, but hey...whatever works.)

Here are some funny things to consider:

• Did you notice the home run swing is back around the same time as the hair?
• Would this home run have happened had Julio Franco not missed this game due to injury? Because you know that Franco would have been out there at first base instead of Green against a lefty had Franco didn't come down with a sore birth certificate...I mean, sore knee? (Well, seeing as if Shawn Green played right field and not first base as he did on Sunday...which confused me, then that blows the theory to smithereens. There's a second shooter though, and I'll find him gosh darn it.)

It's just more alternate endings to the fork in the road that is the life of a Met fan. Sore knees, Nintendo swings, alien abductions...they're all fun to wonder about. But you know that what really happens the rest of this season will be much more inventive and interesting than those fictional situations. The baseball gods wouldn't have it any other way.

How I Reflected Upon My Life On My Day Off, By: The New York Mets

(Friday morning, in a dark dingy Yankee Stadium lockerroom...)

Willie Randolph: All right gang...you were all told to write a paper telling me what you've learned over this bad stretch of games, and how you reflected on it during your day off. I would like for you all to read your paper out loud. David, we'll start with you:

David Wright: What I did on my day off, by David Wright. First, I went to the Vitamin Water people to pose for a new advertisement, and then I shot a new commercial for MLB 2007. Then I read "The Winner Within" by Pat Riley to help make myself the best leader I could be. The end.

WR: Very good David. And how did it help you see how you can help us turn this around?

DW: I learned that when you see a fork in the road you should take it.

WR: Very good. Anything else?

DW: Uh, a raised fist means to go to the post?

WR: Okay then. Let's have someone else read their paper, eh...how about you, Aaron?

Aaron Heilman: I also read a book. I read Sandy Koufax's autobiography.

WR: Very good choice. And what did you learn?

AH: I learned a lot of helpful hints about being a good starting pitcher. He went into the mindset and the preparation necessary to be a starting pitcher in the major leagues.

WR: That's great, but...you do realize that you're a reliever. Have you learned anything about being a good relief pitcher?

AH: I learned that middle relief pitchers don't get book deals.

WR: Astute. What about you, Jose?

Jose Reyes: I hit the gym and did some extra laps in the pool...I gotta tell you, I feel great!

Carlos Beltran: And I picked him up from the gym and drove him home.

WR: That's great guys! That was a very nice thing to do Carlos, driving your friend home.

JR: Yeah, well...

CB: Shut up Jose!

WR: What? What happened?

JR: Carlos drove me to my neighborhood but then had to ask a policewoman for directions.

CB: Shut up Jose! You know it's been a while since I drove anybody home and I got confused.

WR: Well...it was still a very nice thing for you to do. And what did you learn?

CB: That I need Mapquest to drive a teammate home?

WR: Very good. Hey Joe, I see you ducking in the back. What did you do on your day off?

Joe Smith: I took a picture of myself and made it into a Sports Illustrated cover because I'm going to be a famous pitcher one day.

WR: Arts and crafts I see. And what did you learn?

JS: I learned to use scissors and crayons.

WR: All right then. How about you Paulie, what did you do on your day off?

Paul Lo Duca: I killed a guy.

WR: Why?

PLD: He looked at me funny.

WR: Did you do anything else?

PLD: I killed another guy.

WR: How come?

PLD: He flipped his bat in an American Legion game.

WR: And did you learn anything?

PLD: When you're pushed, killing is as easy as breathing.

Billy Wagner: Lighten up, Rambo.

WR: Hey Billy, what did you do yesterday?

BW: I looked for Filthy Sanchez, he owes me money.

WR: Did you find him?

BW: I thought I saw him at a gas station in Oyster Bay.

Jose Valentin: Really? I could have sworn I saw him at the food court at the Green Acres Mall.

Damion Easley: No no no, I saw him yesterday on top of the Statue of Liberty.

WR: Well, Rome wasn't built in a day. We'll work on finding Duaner during our next off day. Moises, what did you do yesterday?

Moises Alou: I've put every legal drug in my quad muscle and I still can't walk.

WR: And what did that teach you?

MA: That I'm old. I'm very, very old.

Julio Franco: Settle down, you're not that old, junior.

WR: What did you do on your day off Julio?

JF: The cage...all day. Worked on my ability to pull the ball.

WR: And what did that teach you?

JF: That you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

WR: Great. All right then, you're all dismissed. Now go out there today and make me proud.

Seventh Hell

A little clarity, a little more time to think, and a little bit of alcohol got me thinking about Tuesday night's game. And the one recurring theme in my mind was this: With Geoff Geary on the mound in a tie game, and the heart of your order at the plate, you have to win. You have to find a way to scratch one run home. It's inexcusable for the Mets not to have done that.

So Wednesday night, here we are again. Geoff Geary on the mound, and this time the Mets are down by a run with runners on second and third and nobody out. I stress one more time: You have to beat Geoff Geary.

If this was 2006, Geary is beaten down like a minor leaguer. Earlier this season, Geary was beaten down like a minor leaguer. Now? Well not only do the Mets go down meekly in the home half of the seventh inning, they go down spectacularly...in flames even. They go down with seemingly their last outfielder standing healthy getting shot by a sniper...the hamstring sniper...while beating out a double play to bring home the tying run (which really should have scored with nobody out and Ryan Howard sprawling to smother the Julio Franco grounder with Ruben Gotay already halfway home, but that's another issue altogether).

They say that Endy Chavez's hamstring is "strained". I'd hate to see what an actual tear would have looked like. Would he have been taken off on a wheelchair like Dwyane Wade? And with that, the curse of the Shea outfield continues, with Shawn Green still hurt and Moises Alou taking his sweet time getting back to the lineup (even though at his age, time should be a terrible thing to waste). Don't be surprised if Alou makes a slightly sooner than expected return to the lineup tomorrow (calls to Eric Valent, Gerald Williams, and Brian McRae were not immediately returned).

Of course, the bottom of the seventh is moot without the top of the seventh, and the latest meltdown by Aaron Heilman (which I suspect was a jinx job by Keith Hernandez...first he goes on and on about what a great job Pedro Feliciano had done this season before he gave up the home run to Chase Utley, and tonight he waxes poetic on how much better Aaron Heilman has been lately before he goes ka-boom with a three run explosion in the top of the inning...thanks a lot Keith).

If this game had happened in September, it would have been devastating. Terry Pendelton like, even. That game had Ron Darling's injury (the same Ron Darling who was in Shea Stadium's version of the penalty box announcing the game tonight...was that his Anaheim Duck homage?), this had Endy's injury. That game had Pendleton's blast, this game had Jimmy Rollins' three run HR off Heilman. The only thing that game had that this one didn't, thankfully, was the month of September. But think of the life that the Mets just gave the Phillies tonight...you thought Jimmy Rollins was confident coming into the season? His confidence is sky high right now...do we really want that? And now, if we didn't have enough Cole Hamels Facts, here's another one: The Mets have to beat him on Thursday just to save themselves from a sweep. They can't hit Geoff Geary or Adam Eaton right now (Adam Eaton, for crying out loud...Adam Eaton!!!) We're really expecting them to beat Cole Hamels?

The Mets have deserved the benefit of the doubt all season. And as horiffic as Wednesday's game was, they're still 3 and a half ahead of Atlanta. But the pulse of the team can't be good after their first three game losing streak of the season. And at some point a good team like this has to sit back and ask themselves what they need to do to right the ship. With the schedule in June as brutal as it is (starting with Detroit on Friday and on from there), games like Wednesday's needed to be won.

New York Mets: 2007 Division Champs!

That was an awesome scene last night at Shea, wasn't it? Man, if you would have told me that the Mets would have clinched the division in June, I would have told you that you were nuts. But this team is on a mission, and nothing is impossible for this team. Damn, I'm impressed. Now we just get to sit back and wait to see who we're going to get in the first round. Maybe Los Angeles? Maybe Milwaukee? Ooh, the Padres? Their pitching is kind of scary. But with four months to go until the playoffs, the Mets can set their rotation. Heck, we can even give Mike Pelfrey some starts.

What?

You mean the Mets didn't clinch the division last night?

That's impossible. The Mets have to be division champs. Did you see the lineup thrown out there tonight? That's a lineup of a team that had all it's regulars doing a little too much celebrating the night before.

Damion Easley batting third?

Come on, you're kidding me. The Mets won the division last night! Can't be any other explanation. Paul Lo Duca batting fifth? Julio Franco batting sixth and playing third? David Newhan batting...anywhere?

We didn't clinch? Really?

Damn.

All right, seriously. If the Mets had won this game, we would have clinched the division right then and there. There's no way the Mets could have gone out there, with a lineup featuring Damion Easley batting third, against Brandon Webb of all people (who uses Shea Stadium as his own personal playground so much it's a wonder his uniform doesn't read "Atlanta"), then there would have been no use for anybody else to show up the rest of the season. It would have been over.

And with John Maine going the way he was going early, it almost happened. It was looking like one of those games that could have ended 1-0 where the winning run scored on a balk or something (sorry, couldn't resist another Benitez flashback) in the ninth inning.

But then came Chris Snyder and his golf shot into the bleachers off of John Maine and that was that. The way Webb was going, the Stephen Drew bomb off of Guillermo Mota wasn't going to matter. It is a situation worth monitoring with Mota, who got rocked in New Orleans during his "rehab" stint before coming up here. If it doesn't stop, Mets fans will start booing him causing the rest of America to call Met fans hypocrites like we need another label. But Webb was freakin' awesome, despite feeling like jelly.

"The humidity here always helps the sinker and the curve, gives them a little more bite...It's a great pitcher's park with a deep outfield and thick grass." -Brandon Webb

So it's not the heat, it's the humidity. Great.

***

Quick Fantasy Note: The Diamondbacks have just called up this awesome third baseman named Mark Reynolds who's hitting well over .400 in his first 50 or so at bats. I picked him up for my fantasy team, so expect this production to stop immediately.

My expectation of disaster with Reynolds after picking him up prompted one longtime friend to wonder:

"How many careers have you ruined?"

Truthfully, I lost track after Kerry Wood.

I Give This One An A-minus

Even Filip Bondy has to admit that when the Mets aren't giving steroids to your kids, writing offensive song lyrics, and causing general disarray for America's youth, they're playing pretty good baseball.

And as today's 6-5 miracle showed, even when the Mets aren't playing good baseball, they're playing good baseball.

Let's face it, with the lineup that Willie Randolph put out there today, the Mets had no business winning today. None. Ruben Gotay (who let a "cramped" Jose Reyes rest) and David Newhan up the middle? Fluff Castro filling in for Paul Lo Duca? Julio Franco at third base? Jason Vargas on the hill? This was a throwaway game. A Sunday lineup designed to do nothing else but rest the troops for the Yankees series.

This was a game designed to give Jason Vargas a renewed idea about what it's like to be in the major leagues, and not necessarily to have him pitch the way he did over the first five innings.

This was a game designed for me to remind you all that former Brooklyn Cyclone Angel Pagan still has the best name in baseball history. Remember when you had Jim Gott ("Gott" meaning "God" in German) facing Tim Teufel ("Teufel" translated in German meaning "Devil"), and you had those titanic struggles between good and evil and it felt good rooting for evil? Well now you have Angel Pagan. That's an internal titanic struggle resulting in evil consequences for the Mets when boiled over.

This was a game designed, at 5-1 down in the ninth, to remind us that you can't win 'em all. Instead, it reminded us that you can win on any given day. You can win any given game where Ryan Dempster is pitching in the ninth. You can win any given game where everybody is expecting Randolph to pinch hit for Gotay in the ninth with David Wright and Jose Reyes on the bench, but instead he lets Gotay hit and he keeps the rally going with a hit to drive in the third run.

"Nice job by my A-minus boys" -Willie Randolph

You can win any given game where David Wright gets a big single in his first ever pinch hitting appearance, and any given game where Carlos Delgado...0 for 4 and a batting average closer to my weight than his...is up with the bases loaded and no shift put on him, which let that little grounder get through to the outfield to score the tying and winning runs.

Yes, you can win any given game. Three given games come this weekend. One team is hot, one team is not. I've learned that in these situations it's best to stay cautious and stay focused. They say you "throw away the records" when certain teams meet. Well, the Mets were really good at throwing away the records when their record wasn't that good. Now that the tables are turned, we need to learn to throw them away still. It isn't going to be easy to throw the records away. However, I'm thankful that the record is one game better than what it really should have been.

Desert Desperation

How desperate are the Diamondbacks to try to steal a game from the Mets that they had to have Jeffrey Maier Night at Chase Field to yank home runs from Endy Chavez with their popcorn buckets?

Yes, desperate times call for desperate measures. Yet they still didn't work as the Mets rode the bat and legs of Julio Franco to a 5-3 victory.

Yes, I said Julio Franco...the 49-year-old Julio Franco. He hit a home run into the pool off of Randy Johnson (proving that objects that come in fast go out even faster), and later in the game stole a base. I think that if he had charged the mound as well, I think it would have counted as a Gordie Howe Hat Trick (and I don't think there's a Sabermetric column for that.

John Maine? He doesn't need to fight (he's a pitcher...not a fighter.) All he needs to do is pitch the way he's been pitching and that's fine with me. The young man is now 5-0 with an ERA that's so small after tonight's victory that it could fit in one of Kirk Radomski's syringes. Maine has become a taste great/less filling argument. Is Maine this good because of the guidance of Rick Peterson? Is Maine this good because he's got natural talent that is blossoming? Or is he this good because he's been lucky? It's an interesting argument. Luckily for you all, only the great Metstradamus has the correct answer:

I don't care.

Because if he is good? All the better for us. If he's lucky? Hell I'll send him a rabbit's foot for each day of the calendar year if that what it takes to keep him lucky...lucky all the way to the bank.

But back to this little brat in the outfield...he clearly reached over the fence to interfere with the ball, yet the umpires reasoned that if the ball had touched the popcorn then it should have been a home run. Which begs the question: What would have happened had Moises Alou had been the left fielder on that play? Would his jumping around and throwing a tantrum have convinced the umpires to reverse their call? Would Alou have even gotten back to the wall? Would Moises have had a Steve Bartman flashback, snapped, and reached over the outfield fence to put this kid in a chokehold, all the while visualizing Bartman? Questions that will never be answered because Moises' knee hurts. Shame.

***

Speaking of shame, here's what else I'm upset about, in this order:

• Game 5. Yeah, that one hurt. But the Sabres once had a 3-2 series lead in a playoffs long long ago after an overtime goal at home. But Games 6 and 7 featured overtime goals to defeat the Sabres and knock them out. The goal scored to win Game 6? Martin Straka.
• Survivor Fiji. Why? Because two of the last three weeks eliminated contestants named Edgardo and Mookie. There are no contestants named Choo Choo, Doc, or Turk left. However, there's hope that lies in Saturday's Kentucky Derby:

Teuflesberg...of course. Spelled wrong, and the number is wrong. But the horse is a 30-1 shot, and he has defeated Hard Spun. Metstradamus says: well worth the money. Tim Teufel faced long odds too, but he invented a wiggle in his batting stance, and the rest is history. So go forth and run hard Teuflesberg...run hard for Timmy.