What Have You Learned? Brian Schneider

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today, we look at Brian Schnieder, and most likely jinx his very existence.

I pretty much knew it was a lost cause when I led off my "Behind the Blow" series by writing about Scott Schoeneweis. There was a part of me hoping that Schoeneweis would make a return trip to Shea in '09 as I wrote that on October 1st of '08. By December 12th, Schoeneweis was gone, for some guy named Connor Robertson.

Now, as I write to you about Brian Schneider, I'm also hoping against hope that Schneider comes back even though you, your family, your friends, Omar Minaya, Omar Minaya's friends, and for some reason Avril Lavigne (?) are hoping for Schneider to be gone. I don't blame you. But considering the options out there, Brian Schneider doesn't look so bad.

Now there's going to have to be an offensive upgrade at a few other positions to make this palpable. You could have upgraded this position in one fell swoop by trading for Victor Martinez. But that ship has sailed and is currently docked in the Charles river. So who's left? Rod Barajas? He had 19 HR's last year but also batted .220. Bengie Molina? At the age where catchers start that inevitable descent off the cliff? Yorvit Torrealba?

Oh, silly me.

Then you look at the internal options. Josh Thole is a catcher who needs some work on catching the ball. Three passed balls and one error in 16 games tells me he needs to expand the zone ... his comfort zone. He's going to be a fine hitter, but only if he gets a little more time in the minors to refine his stroke and be completely ready to go when he gets back to the show, rather than become 2010's version of Daniel Murphy.

And Omir Santos? He's going to live off that Papelbon home run for a long time ... it's probably gotten him further than he deserves, and he'll live off that for at least a few more months going into next season. But look at his numbers. They tell me that the offensive upgrade from Schneider to Santos isn't worth what you lose in defense and in calling a game. If the upgrade was from Schneider to Victor Martinez? No brainer.

It would have taken management having a set to make a trade for Martinez while being far out. But that didn't happen. The options that exist now don't excite me enough to stick with what we have ... which is an inexperienced Thole and a journeyman in Omir Santos. As with Murphy, it would take some major upgrades at other positions to make keeping Schneider palatable. This team needs major upgrades at other positions anyway, so why not consider Schneider's return as a way to help the pitching staff a little bit ... or at the very least give Mike Pelfrey a personal catcher that can actually make a difference (not like giving Paul Bako any credit for being Greg Maddux's caddy)?

Well ... here's why not: Because you can't bring back Brian Schneider and Daniel Murphy. And if the choice is a semi-decent prospect and a journeyman catcher, you bring back the guy with the higher ceiling, and that's Murphy. If you bring in a left fielder, a first baseman, and maybe even a second baseman like Dan Uggla, then there's a chance for Schneider to come back. And maybe you have to use Murphy as a trade chip to make that happen. That said, you can also make a good case to bring Murphy back (which I will attempt in the near future), just as you can make a case for Schneider to come back (which is more a concern about the lack of catching options out there). But you can't bring both back ... there's no good case for that.

Now that I've written a piece that's somewhat pro-Schneider, expect to hear tomorrow that Schneider's been released so that he can sign with Telemarket Rimini.

The Long Walk Home

Did you see the long depressing limp that Gary Sheffield took off the field after experiencing right hamstring "cramps" (forgive me if I'm skeptical of medical reports) on Friday?

Seemed eerily like how the rest of this season's going to go, didn't it? A long, slow limp to the finish line, with a couple of moments where you think you're going to collapse in a heap of body parts, as Sheffield almost did at least once.

If you didn't see it, find a replay and see for yourself. Sheffield eschewed the cart so that he can walk off the field under his own power, except that it took the better part of an hour. If that's how the Mets season is going to go for you, you might want to just take the cart ... and go to the beach.

Until November.

And remember, surgery's on Thursday.

"Let's go out and beat the Mets ... just like old times." -Greg Maddux before the game, and after his number 31 was retired

Oh, excuse me Greg ... I didn't know that 2008 counted as "the old days". Hell, Maddux could have put on a uniform and did it himself. Two hits, 11-0 ... wow.

Little Mac Hangs Up His Little Macs

You've probably heard by now of the official retirement of Joe McEwing, known for being one of the positive influences in the career of David Wright, and for being all-around good guy. I knew more than one Met fan had an obsessive man-crush on McEwing.

Others know McEwing as the Randy Johnson killer, but in his career, Little Mac only hit .250 against Big Unit. Do you know (without looking it up like I did), which two pitchers McEwing have the highest batting average against with a 20 at-bat minimum? The answer will shock you.

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Thanks to all that voted in the "What do Metstradamus and Gene Simmons have in common poll." It's now an appropriate time to answer the question. Here were your choices:

• Both were thrown out of the same Ontario bar for refusing to drink. It only received 20 votes, but with Simmons a noted non-drinker, and me having been in a Toronto bar once in my life, it could have happened. But the closest I came to ever getting thrown out of said bar was when I ordered a Labatt's and pronounced it wrong. (For future reference: if you're ever in a bar with me, buying me a Labatt's will make you a friend for life.) The waitress, who was a Shannen Doherty lookalike gave me hell for it all night (or maybe it was Shannen Doherty ... 1998 seemed to be a down year for her).



• They were both refused an autograph by Dave Kingman. 22 votes. To the best of my knowledge, Dave Kingman hasn't so much as met Gene Simmons let alone refuse an autograph for him. And I never had the displeasure of having been screwed over by Kingman for an autograph. Now Pedro Guerrero ... that's another story for another time.



• Metstradamus once dated the daughter of a woman that Gene Simmons dated twenty years earlier. This received 37 votes. How cool a story would that have been?



• Both have received B-12 shots from Brian McNamee. The 47 of you who voted for this option are just plain silly.



• Both attended the same high school AND junior high school. For the 45 people that voted for this (most of which were friends and family I'm sure), give yourselves a round of applause.

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You might be missing the Australian Open for the simple fact that live action begins at 11PM on most nights. But it's an appropriate time to bust out a very special "Separated at Birth":


That would be John Maine on the left. His twin is Novak Djokovic, a U.S. Open finalist last year. When he's not busy looking like Maine, Djokovic also does a mean impression of Maria Sharapova.

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I have a solution to this Johan Santana mess: If Omar can't trade for him, just tie Santana by his ankles and put a Met jersey on him.

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Trivia answer: Joe McEwing's most successful groups of at-bats came against Tom Glavine (.348 in 23 at-bats) and, oddly enough, Greg Maddux (.318 in 22 at-bats). McEwing will now be a coach for the Charlotte Knights, a role that we all knew would probably come.

Lineup Lottery

Well, it didn't really work for the Grizzlies and Celtics, but Willie Randolph wanted to see if a lineup system would work for his lineup tonight.

Jose Reyes, who had a 25.4% chance of getting the top spot, had his ping pong ball drawn first. But in the big upset of the night, Shawn Green moved from sixth all the way to second even though he only had a 6.3% chance of moving up (Green responded with a hit and a walk, and plans to draft Kevin Durant).

The big losers in the Mets lineup lottery were Paul Lo Duca, who had a 19.9% chance based on his second spot in the order last year, but dropped to fifth making him the Grizzlies. Carlos Delgado was dropped from fourth to sixth, making him the Celtics. But both Lo Duca and Delgado responded with two hits each.

The big winner was Oliver Perez. With his 1.7% chance of moving up in the order, he stayed at the ninth spot. But like Dirk Nowitzki, who was drafted ninth by the Bucks and then traded immediately, Oliver Perez proved you could turn in a most valuable performance while coming in ninth.

After his third dominating win of the season against Atlanta, my only hope is that Braves fans can grow to hate Oliver Perez as much as we hate Larry Jones.

And Brian Jordan.

And Greg Maddux.

And John Rocker.

All right, all right, that last one isn't possible (unless Oliver Perez makes some inappropriate southern jokes during one of his post game interviews).

P.S. Memo to Christopher Russo: That was Joe Smith striking out Edgar Renteria and Larry Jones for a 1-2-3 eighth inning. Just wondering if you were convinced yet.