Red Light Shakeup

FLUSHING, N.Y., October 5, 2009 - "The New York Mets today announced that Bench Coach Sandy Alomar Sr. and First Base Coach Luis Alicea will not be returning for the 2010 season. Alomar Sr. will be offered another position within the organization.

Hitting Coach Howard Johnson, Pitching Coach Dan Warthen and Bullpen Coach Randy Niemann will return to Manager Jerry Manuel's staff in the same positions next year. Third Base Coach Razor Shines and Catching Instructor Sandy Alomar Jr. will be part of the Major League staff in 2010 in yet to be determined roles."

In a related move, the Mets have announced that replacing Shines as third base coach will be a New York City traffic light. Runners will have to adhere to the light, which will be showing red, yellow, or green at various and random times. But the club feels that the traffic light, which can't see which runners are where because it is a traffic light, will have just as good a success rate as Shines. Furthermore, the traffic light will not have a salary, and will only require maintenance costs and a replacement light bulb or two. The light will don uniform number 64 for the upcoming season.

How Can We Count On You When We Can't Count On You?

We all know that April comes in like a lion. What you may not know is that September does the same. Yes, September comes in like a lion as well ... but Razor Shines gives it the stop sign.

When Angel Pagan rounded second base in the first inning tonight, he consulted Shines for guidance on what to do. Unfortunately, the third base coach of life was offline for maintenance. So Pagan, after rounding second base on a base hit, rounded second base in reverse ... turning a base hit into a force play.

This, Met fans, is your introduction to September. A September to Misremember.

Every once in a while, Angel will break out a swing that sweeter than honey. The flip side is that he has a meatball for a brain on the bases, which he's shown over, and over, and over again. And speaking of ground beef in a spherical shape, I'm not saying that was a meatball Mike Pelfrey threw to Carlos Gonzalez, but the first 15 rows of fans were sprayed with marinara sauce on that home run.

Unfortunately, those same fans were subsequently eaten by wolves, who science shows survive on small prey such as squirrels, meat sauce, and tiramisu. I'm surprised SNY would show that on their air.

It was a tragic scene to be sure, but no more tragic than the Mets have been, whether it be Tuesday night or the entire season. The world will know 2009 as the fortieth anniversary of the Miracle Mets of '69. We know better. We know that this is the tenth anniversary of Kenny Rogers walking home Andruw Jones to lose the NLCS. The Mets obviously know this too as, noted in Tuesday night's broadcast, the two bases loaded walks they had brought their season total to 17. When you throw in the two runs that the Mets gave up via a hit batsman, that makes one free run per week for the opposition.

At this rate, Sean Green can be his own United Way chapter.

The only good thing about being pasted by the Rockies is that it pushes Matt Cain one game further away from getting to the playoffs. Grudges, you see, are all I have left. And since it's kinda pointless to hope that the Yankees and/or Phillies are going to fall out of the playoffs, my last hope to salvage some sort of belief in humanity is to hope that Matt Cain doesn't pitch in a playoff game this season. My main hope is for forever, but I take life one season at a time. So tip this, Matt.

I like this spolier stuff.

***

I loved the question for the booth tonight: "Would the Mets change their approach in Coors Field than how they approach a game in Citi Field?" Yes. The approach: try to suck less. But how would Keith Hernandez know the answer anyway? He's too busy watching the Flintstones on You Tube in the booth.



Yup. Seriously. The same man who didn't know you can text two people at one time is watching You Tube on company time. Can you blame him though, when the most interesting thing to watch on the field is David Wright's new batting helmet?

Yeah, I think it's a bit over the top too.

Frenchy Played Football Y'Know

But when former high school football star Jeff Francoeur bore down on Pudge Rodriguez with the tying run in the seventh inning, what the Mets needed was Bo Jackson.

Instead, they got Blair Thomas.

Frenchy tried to deke to the goal line instead of just putting his head down and running over Pudge, and that was just one of the mistakes that led to the Mets' 5-4 loss against the Astros in Houston.

But if Frenchy was Blair Thomas, then Razor Shines was definitely Rich Kotite. Let's see: Francoeur isn't that fast. Hunter Pence has a good arm, and he's so close to the infield he's inhaling dust. But Razor sends him home from second to be out by ten feet.

Are we just not bothering to scout anymore?

That wasn't even Francoeur's biggest transgression (though he did say his fifteen jukes made him look like a "pansy" after the game.) His strikeout in the first on a pitch in the dirt along with Fernando Tatis' double play immediately afterward allowed Mike Hampton to find himself, leading to Hampton's two run homer against Johan Santana. (And not to mention that Frenchy looking bad on a pitch and 6-4-Tatis hitting into another D.P. is as cliche and contrived as a policeman eating a doughnut. More originality next time, please.)

And speaking of Hampton, is this the way it's going to be the rest of the season ... former Mets taking free punches at their former employer as if they were a dead animal being poked with a stick? Mike Hampton hitting a two run home run? Kaz Matsui with a lifetime average against the Mets of .981? Kaz Matsui???

What's next, someone's going to sign Orlando Hernandez so he can throw a three-hitter against the Mets?

The Phillies bring Kaz Ishii from the bullpen to strike out Jeremy Reed?

And can Snoop hop back from the parallel universe he's in and join us on Earth? "Wha? Francoeur didn't hit Pudge? I thought he hit him."

With a Bloomingdale's bag, maybe.

The Runt Of The Win Litter

Don't get me wrong, I'll take it. When a win is left on my doorstep, I'm not leaving it out in the cold, even if it's the equivalent of the runt of the litter. A win is a win.

But forgive me if I'm not ready to plan a parade route just yet.

Yes, the Mets finally won a game on this road trip against the putrid Washington Nationals ... but make no mistake, "putrid", and not "won" is the key word. The Nationals out-odored the Mets tonight, what with dopey plays by Cristian Guzman and Adam Dunn losing a ball in the lights and some horrific umpiring affecting both sides by a rookie named D.J. Reyburn (whom I'd still take over the Angel Hernandez crew). But the Mets were lucky that their own blunders didn't come back to haunt them, and they would have if they had been playing anybody else besides the Nationals.

Another problem with Steve Phillips' misguided criticism of Carlos Beltran is that anytime someone has a fair gripe with Beltran, it's seen as siding with Phillips. So let me give you this disclaimer: I'm not siding with Steve Phillips.

That established: I do have to criticize Beltran. And though it seems that I'm stealing Marc Malusis' thoughts from the SNY postgame show, I swear to you I thought of it before Malusis said it ... and I'm taking it a step further: It's not only the fact that Beltran got thrown out at third base trying to stretch a double into a triple after he took a Cadillac tour to second base thinking the ball was a dinger, because that's bad enough.

But if you're going to show some leadership in the lockerroom and rip the team's effort through the media by saying that everyone has to play better (and by saying that the Pirates are barely a major league baseball outfit which has earned him the title of "School in Summertime" in Pittsburgh), then it has to start with you. Make no mistake, I loved that Beltran said what he said. But that's only half the battle. The example has to be set on the field. Getting yourself thrown out at third because you weren't running hard out of the box is the wrong example to back up your words. As much as I hate to use a cliche like "actions speak louder than words", it applies here. All Beltran did was give people fuel for their argument that Fernando Martinez not running on a pop-up is part of an organizational "lack of hustle" rather than an isolated incident.

And to go back to the problem of playing dumb, David Wright tagging and going to third base on a fly ball to left field is a dumb play ... whether he went on his own or whether Razor Shines sent him in the second inning ... dumb, dumb, dumb. Let's face it, Wright was out except for the fact that Reyburn couldn't see a lake from a rowboat. If that was a veteran umpire there, that's a 1-0 loss and Wright never gets a chance to win the game in the 10th. Especially when this team is racked with injuries, it has to play smart to give itself a chance to tread water. They aren't going to be so lucky next time.

(And speaking of lucky: Brad Lidge made Mets fans really lucky tonight. Two outs, nobody on, one run lead, and Lidge blew it. Something tells me that if the Mets finish behind them again, it isn't going to be because of the bullpens.)

(And speaking of bullpens, welcome back to the party Sean Green ... and just in time, too.)

***

In injury news, Jose Reyes is undergoing a new procedure to help him heal faster called "Platelet Rich Plasma Therapy."

As usual, the crack staff has exclusive footage of the team administering the procedure, seen at the 0:48 mark:

Razor Shines

Because Pete Moss took a better offer somewhere else.