If I Could Save Baseball In A Bottle

Tonight was merely a sad reminder of how life could have been 'round these parts in September. Close games with division rivals ... Cole Hamels imploding ... some brushback pitches ... smart baserunning ... emotion from the manager ... fights in the stands ... it was all featured at Citi Field as the Mets gained a game on the Philadelphia Phillies with a 4-2 victory. The only thing missing was Larry Andersen wanting to put one in Frankie Rodriguez's neck, although I'm sure that quote is coming.

Only 13 and a half games to go!

I have to admit, as I'm searching for small things to clutch to, that I gravitate towards the spiteful. Whether it's 13.5 back or 13.5 ahead, Cole Hamels could walk off a skyscraper for all I care. Seeing him fall below .500 (and incidentally have a worse record than one Mike Pelfrey), did my baseball heart some much needed good. Was it important? No. But was it satisfying?

Well, not as much as I would like. After all, all the good done on Friday will most likely be neutralized as the J.A. Happ (remember when it was good news to see him on the mound?) will ride a potent Phillies lineup against Tim Redding on '69 night Saturday, and then Oliver Perez on Sunday. (Whoo boy, if you thought Ryan Howard hit the ball hard against Pelfrey ...) But Friday night was something that really should be put in a bottle and saved for all of those September nights when the Mets are down 17-1 and you don't want to go all the way back to 2006 for a halfway decent baseball memory.

Also, I'd like to mention that the Boston Red Sox lost on Friday by a score of 20-11. This is notable for two reasons: One: because the Sox hope that Billy Wagner can be the one to stop these football scores from being put up against them as they've claimed him on waivers from the Mets. And two: Because this was the score that broke the camel's back at Citi Field. This was the score that revealed another Citi Field flaw ... the out of town scoreboard doesn't have the capacity to show that any team scores over 19 runs. They only put enough lights in the teens column for a "1". So once the Red Sox surrendered 20, the score was taken off the board.

Funny how the 97-year-old creaky scoreboard at Fenway can handle 20 runs, but the state of the art six-month-old scoreboard at Citi can't handle it. Actually it's not funny at all. It's just sad. But it's not surprising. In fact, it's a big f***ing shocker. Right Billy?

Your Fifth Annual Hall of Hate Winner:

Hang all the chads you want, this guy just can't lose an election. First, he wins the vote for the final all-star. But being inducted into the Metstradamus "Hall of Hate" is forever. Congratulations to Shane Victorino. Put on the jacket and join Bobby Bo's card game. Here are the results:

• Shane Victorino -- 25% -- 288
• Jimmy Rollins -- 16% -- 186
• Cole Hamels -- 15% -- 166
• Guillermo Mota -- 11% -- 130
• Brett Myers -- 9% -- 106
• Pete Rose -- 6% -- 65
• Mel Rojas -- 4% --44
• Jeff Torborg -- 3% -- 33
• Joe Torre -- 3% -- 32
• Richie Hebner -- 2% -- 26
• Albert Pujols -- 2% -- 22
• Tony Fernandez -- 1% --17
• John Thomson -- 1% -- 13
• Eddie Murray -- 1% -- 10

I can't say I'm surprised that it's a landslide. But honestly, I would have bet the house on Cole Hamels, what with the whole "choke" thing fresh in everyone's minds. But as I've said, a vote for Victorino is proof that the Met fan is a true connoisseur of hate, and not merely a part-time dabbler. Thank you to all who took the time to have your voice be heard.

And thanks to our friends at New York Baseball Digest for inviting me to make the announcement on their weekly radio show. You'll be happy to know we're already preparing for next season's vote where there will be some new names and perhaps a few new wrinkles. There might even be a Veteran's Committee to make the experience more authentic for you, the voter. Here's to 2010!

It's The Fifth Annual Hall of Hate Vote!

So it's the All-Star Break ... no Mets baseball until Thursday (although, if you're a Met fan, you haven't really seen baseball since May, so what does it matter to you?) But that doesn't mean that baseball can't fill your lives. First, you had Monday night's glorified batting practice/swing destroyer known as the Home Run Derby. And then tonight, you have the All-Star Game from St. Louis.

But in between, why don't you flex your frustration muscles and vote in our fifth annual Hall of Hate Elections.

Here's the standard background material for the uninitiated and those who haven't been here long (which doubles as a form letter since I pretty much cut and pasted this from last season's vote):

Soon after starting this blog, I created a daily hate list...five people, places, or things that put a bee in my bonnet for that particular calendar day. Mostly baseball players, but many times I would go off the board. From there, due to overwhelming positive response, it evolved into a more permanent and lasting "Hall of Hate", of which the original 25 members were chosen by me, here. It was meant to be a list that encompassed the biggest "enemies" in Mets history, the ones who the mere mention of their names makes one want to drink a bottle of ipecac just so you can puke all over your dog.

Not being enough to satiate the appetite of you, the hating fan, I opened balloting up for additional members, and so far you have voted in five candidates (most of them deserving) in 2005, and then to three more in 2006 to join the original 25, along with two more in 2007, and Tom Glavine in 2008. The balloting would usually coincide with whatever vacation time I was taking, but this season I decided to make it my very own All-Star festivity (and you don't even have to pay a couple hundred bucks to get in unlike the Home Run Derby.)

Here's the deal, you get one vote per computer. Amongst the list, you can vote for multiple candidates ... anyone you feel deserve induction (so you can check off as many boxes you want, but you can only click "vote" once). You have until 11:59PM on Thursday, July 23rd to cast your vote. Just as the case last season, only the top vote-getter gains induction into the Hall of Hate, so fill out your ballot with the utmost of care.

Here now are your candidates for the Hall of Hate:

Pete Rose: Picked a fight with a man half his size because his team was getting it's Big Red Tails kicked in during the 1973 NLCS. Received 63 votes in 2008 and was a distant sixth in the voting.

John Thomson: A recent nominee for his recent trashing of Paul Lo Duca as a reason for not signing with the Mets. Also, pitched like a wet dishrag in his prior stint for the Mets in 2002. Thomson dropped 54 votes in 2007 to just 22 last year.

Jimmy Rollins: His debut on the Hall of Hate ballot, basically for bragging about his team ... and then backing it up. Rollins proclaimed his team "the team to beat", and then getting key hit after key hit to knock the Mets out of the playoffs. Rollins' appearance on the ballot is partly hate, but partly a respect thing. Rollins finished in second place last season with 165 votes, just 12 away from the "winner", Tom Glavine.

Brett Myers: Hates the Mets, hits his wife. Myers' appearance on the ballot is not out of respect, but true hate. Myers finished fifth last season with 129 votes.

Jeff Torborg: Managed the 1993 Mets, who exposed him as a managing fraud. (Also managed the 2003 World Champion Marlins, but only during the beginning of that season when they stunk.) Received 55 votes and was eighth in 2007's voting, dropped to tenth with 24 votes last season.

Guillermo Mota: Was on the list in the past for transgressions against Mike Piazza. After shaking off Paul Lo Duca en route to giving up a series-changing double to Scott Spiezio, getting busted for a banned substance, and for basically dubbing 2007 as his own personal year of suck, he remains on the ballot after finishing a strong third in the voting in 2008 with 162 votes.

Mel Rojas: Was traded to the Mets as part of the Turk Wendell deal. The reason it's called the Turk Wendell deal is because Rojas was about as useful as a band-aid on a gunshot wound. Rojas gave up a home run to Paul O'Neill in 1997 that finally landed in 2002. Rojas' greatest transgression was his final act as a Met, which was bringing back Bobby Bonilla in a trade. Rojas finished seventh with 46 votes in '08.

Cole Hamels: Started off by lecturing Paul Lo Duca on how to celebrate home runs after about ten minutes in the league ... but makes the list with his "choke artists" rant over this past winter on WFAN. First time nominee.

Joe Torre: From "Clueless Joe" as a Met, to a hall of famer (and Roger Clemens apologist) as a Yankee. And now gets ready to stick it to the Mets with the help of Manny Ramirez as a Dodger. Dropped from fifth in 2007 with 77 votes to ninth with 33 votes in 2008.

Richie Hebner: Wanted no part of the Mets, and played like it at third base. He set the standard for giving baseball fans the finger during his only season in New York. Hebner has been dropping like a stone in the voting, going from 65 to 34 to 20 votes over the past three seasons. Remains on the list because, well ... he deserves it.

Eddie Murray: The first baseman of the worst team money could buy, the 1993 Mets. Is it really a compliment when you're the leader of misfits? In a weird statistical quirk, Murray has finished in 11th place for three straight seasons.

Tony Fernandez: Was successful at every major league stop he made, except Shea Stadium, where he had maybe three hits in half a season, and blamed gallstones. Tony received 18 votes in 2007 and finished last in the voting, but avoided last place in '08 with 22 votes.

Albert Pujols: Made the ballot in 2007 not-so-subtle digging into Tom Glavine after Game 1 of the NLCS, combined with being on the trainers table receiving "treatment" during the ninth inning of the 2007 All-Star Game, possibly costing the Mets a shot at home field advantage in the '07 World Series. Pujols was 4th in 2007's voting with 104 votes, but dropped all the way to eighth with 39 votes last season.

Shane Victorino: General pain in the ass, has shared Brett Myers' disdain for the Mets in the past while taunting the Mets by standing on home plate after scoring and clapping in the general direction of the Mets dugout ... yet somehow escapes criticism from the national baseball media because he's a "gamer" and because he's not Jose Reyes. Victorino was fourth in 2008 with 156 votes.

And as always, you may write in a vote here in the comments section. If someone gets enough write-in votes, then yes, I'll put him in (unless it's an obvious attempt by a rogue group of Yankee fans that want to experiment and see if they can get somebody like Tom Seaver or Gary Carter on the list just by creating computer systems that will write the same name hundreds of times. So don't even bother, because I hold final veto rights). And in terms of write-ins, if you write in a vote please make it easy for this old man and put the name in bold or something like that. (But please, before you come out with a comment like "Where's Bobby Bonilla" or "What about Chipper Jones", please refer to the original induction list along with the additions via fan balloting below).

Your Hall of Hate members:

Mike Scioscia-Charter Member
Jeff Kent-Charter Member
Robby Alomar-Charter Member
Rey Ordonez-Charter Member
Larry Jones-Charter Member
Bobby Bonilla-Charter Member
Vince Coleman-Charter Member
Ken Griffey Jr.-Charter Member
Roger Clemens-Charter Member
Mike Hampton-Charter Member
Mike Scott-Charter Member
John Tudor-Charter Member
David Wells-Charter Member
Armando Benitez-Charter Member
John Rocker-Charter Member
Donne Wall-Charter Member
Mike Stanton-Charter Member
Mike DeJean-Charter Member
Brian Jordan-Charter Member
Eddie Perez-Charter Member
Pat Burrell-Charter Member
Terry Pendleton-Charter Member
Jose Vizciano-Charter Member
Pedro Guerrero-Charter Member
Juan Gonzalez-Charter Member
Whitey Herzog-Charter Member
Art Howe-Charter Member
Dallas Green-Charter Member
Al Harazin-Charter Member
The 1993 Home Uniforms-Charter Member
Kenny Rogers-Voted in 2005
Derek Jeter-Voted in 2005
Mo Vaughn-Voted in 2005
Joe Randa-Voted in 2005
M. Donald Grant-Voted in 2005
Mike Francesa- Voted in 2006
Jim Duquette- Voted in 2006
Steve Phillips- Voted in 2006
Dick Young- Voted in 2007
Braden Looper- Voted in 2007
Tom Glavine- Voted in 2008

You have the power to decide who joins them. The candidates are already putting their campaigns together:

Sore Winner

So Mets fans get to enjoy their new bullpen for, what ... less than 48 hours before Cole Hamels decides to urinate in the oatmeal?

In an interview on WFAN today with Joe Beningo and Evan Roberts, Hamels was promoting the Phillies' World Series DVD when he was asked outright, "Do you think the Mets are choke artists?"

"Last year and this year I think we did believe that [they were choke artists]," he said. "Three years ago we didn't because they smoked everybody, and I think we all thought they were going to win it all. Unfortunately that didn't happen. But, yeah, that's kind of what we believed and I think we're always going to believe that until they prove us wrong.

"For the past two years they've been choke artists."

What? Hasn't Cole Hamels heard about our new and improved bullpen? Forget K-Rod and J.J., We've got Rocky Cherry! It's over!

***

Wait, the Yankees ... who just paid $60 million more than the next highest bidder ... want that next highest bidder to help them subsidize Mike Cameron's contract if they trade for him?

The gall on that franchise never ceases to amaze me.

***

Did you get your message from K-Rod?

I did ... and I was immediately frightened. Because doesn't the music in that little vignette sound eerily similar to the 1:13 mark of this clip:

My Gritty Attempt At a World Series Preview

Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking. "A stupid Mets fan previewing the World Series. Why should I even read it? He's going to pick the Rays and explain why to try to comfort his team's wounded fan base and tell them not to worry because the Rays are better ... well screw him! Go Phillies! Ya Gotta Believe because, well you know ... Why Can't Us? Rays are teh suxor Go Phillies!!!!!!1111!!!!!"

And that was just from John Kruk.

Avg. John Kruk IQ=37
Can you beat that score?

Well, Kruk did pick the Phillies to win this series (along with his cohort Steve Phillips), and that tells me that this is a great time to help combat a bad economy and bet your house and your life savings on the Tampa Bay Rays. I mean, if those two are picking the Phillies, that makes the Rays as close to a mortal lock as you can get, no?

I'd leave it at that, except that I now find out that Peter Gammons has also picked the Phillies ... and that worries me because who doesn't like and respect Peter Gammons? So I'm going to step out of my Metstradamus persona, just for a moment, and be an outside observer who has watched more playoff baseball this season than any Met fan should have to endure (I knew all of you wouldn't, so someone had to. I took your bullet ... I took all your bullets.)

Here's the series from my perspective: Look, people who are picking the Phillies point to the bullpens. Yes, overall the Phils have a stronger bullpen right now due to the struggles of Grant Balfour and our old friend Dan Wheeler. Fair. But, for the Rays to be successful in the late innings, it's the lefties that are going to be successful for the Rays to win, and not necessarily the righties. And for the Rays, the lefthanders are pitching some great ball between J.P. Howell (whom I would love to be a Met next year but I know isn't going to happen so don't even get your hopes up kids) and former numero uno draft pick David Price.

People will point to the Game 5 debacle as to why the Rays can't possibly win this series. I point to that game as the reason they will win this series. What Joe Maddon learned during Game 5 is that he blew it not having lefties available to pitch to David Ortiz in the 7th inning of that game (he homered off Balfour) and J.D. Drew in the 8th (he homered off Wheeler), while having Price stuck in his holster. Maddon realized that if Price is on the postseason roster, why not use him ... especially with the 96 mph stuff he has? So in comes Price to close out the ALCS and now the entire planet will realize just how good Price is. He may not be the official closer this series, but if the lineup turns over to Utley, Burrell, Howard in the ninth, you'll see either Price or J.P. Howell ... and Wheeler will save the games where the ninth inning features Pedro Feliz, Carlos Ruiz, and the like. It'll be the quality lefties that will force Charlie Manuel to either empty his bench earlier than he wants to, or be forced to hit Matt Stairs and Greg Dobbs to hit against the Howells and the Prices of the world.

Look at that smirk to your right. Men with smirks that pronounced really outgha be punched. (Boy, Metstradamus ... you've had violent tendencies lately, what's up with that?)

But here's fact: If the Phillies are to have any chance in this series, Cole Hamels needs to pitch three times. As of right now, Hamels is only slated to go in Games 1 and 5. Okay, if you want to flirt with disaster. Because let's lay it out in a nutshell: Cole Hamels is a straight beast. He's their best starter by about 3.5 miles. To not have him available in a Game 7 is murderous especially when you consider how the matchups play out.

Right now, Met-hater Brett Myers is due to pitch in Games 2 and 6 in Tampa. During the playoffs, Myers has been a cult hero for outdueling CC Sabathia, and morphing into Mike Schmidt against the Dodgers. But those games were in Philadelphia. Myers will have to pitch two games on the road where he has a 6.21 ERA and a 1.61 WHIP in 16 road starts this season. To be fair, most of that non-success came before his month long odyssey to find himself in the minors, but even career wise there's a spike in Myers' ERA, WHIP, and opponents average on the road as opposed to home.

I have a feeling that if the Phils find themselves down 2-1 headed into Game 4, they may rethink this and go with Hamels on Sunday. If that happens, we've got a series. But there's a reason that teams with more rest heading into the Series get crushed: Baseball is a game of timing. It's not like football which is a game which is as much about brute strength and force as it is about timing ... that's why top seeds in the NFL have a huge advantage coming off a bye week ... it's essential to be more rested in a game where bumps and bruises are a way of life.

That advantage doesn't exist in baseball, which relies on routine and regular work. The Phillies will head into the Series on six days rest, and now all of a sudden they get thrown into action against Scott Kazmir?

(Pauses to mutter a silent curse under his breath towards Jim Duquette regarding Kazmir.)

Take for example Ryan Howard, who hit a quiet .300 during the LCS, and who is a notoriously slow starter. Now you're asking him to face Scott Kazmir cold. Not an optimal situation for a guy who the Phillies really need to step up.

So my official prediction is Rays in 6. And now I step back into my persona to tell Mets fans that after reading that, it really is okay to come out from your hiding place. It's not going to get any worse. The Curse of William Penn will live on. So it's safe to find seats on the Rays bandwagon (preferably seats that keep us out of the way so that the real Rays fans continue to get prime viewing areas) and watch the Series. And if Rays fans have a problem with that, all I can say is that hey, you owe us one.

After all, we did provide you Kazmir in exchange for a tuna fish sandwich.

True Colors In The Hood

"My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos. Ruined dreams. This wasted land. But most of all, I remember The Road Warrior. The man we called 'Metstradamus'". -Narrator from Mad Max 2 (with some blogging license at the end)

I have returned.

And I bring you the head of J.D. Durbin!

All right, maybe it was more like a Phillies mini-helmet which I ate my ice cream out of. Still, as the Empire State Building appeared on the horizon as I rolled back on New Jersey Transit, I felt like one of those warriors from Mad Max or something, holding up my symbol of victory in proxy of young Mr. Durbin's head. An offer to the gods of the New York Skyline, as if the city told me upon leaving: "If you don't bring back a win, don't come home."

Thankfully, now at 4-0 on the road, I've always been able to come home.

It was an interesting day to say the least, starting out with a smooth ride on NJT to meet my ride (in spite of my floundering inability to find the track at Penn Station, and find my way off the train...wondering why the doors aren't opening even though there's no platform). Then the rest of the way listening to Paul Lo Duca gripe about the media on the car ride. (Why is everything interpreted in the most damning possible context? And why hasn't Lo Duca figured out by now that the best way to keep the media off his back is to not bring up anything about "speaking English" in a lockerroom famously known for its Latin players...although this is the first time I've ever heard someone get tagged as racist for saying that someone can speak English.)

Then, a bad exit choice by us, and some terrible directions from a couple of gas station attendants who looked at us like we had three heads when we mentioned the Walt Whitman bridge put us in downtown Philly, forcing us to take Broad St. to the complex. Now for those who have never been to Philadelphia, stay away from Broad Street! The traffic lights may be the most disjointed in the country, taking the "flow" out of "flow of traffic". (And take Exit 3, not Exit 4.) But we still got there on time and in our seats for the 1:30 start, which was better than my last trip, when I didn't even have a seat, and got there late.

(Food note: Last year, it was the cheesesteaks that lured me to Philly. This year, the attraction for me, thanks to Mets Grrl, were the crab fries. Highly recommended.)

I loved the Philly fans today, constantly reminding us through the Mets early game offensive run that "hey, you know you're doing this off of a single A pitcher, right? Wait until the nightcap when you face Cole Hamels!" (Oh, much more on him later.) For the record, yes we were quite aware of who your pitcher was. And at the end of play today, he's still employed by your team. So we are not the ones hanging our heads in shame for being able to hit him. Thank you, drive through.

There was one guy sitting next to me who saved his most fervent Met bashing for when I wasn't sitting in my seat. Yeah, that's manly. I mean, he had ample opportunity to kill us when the Mets were trotting out Guillermo Mota and Aaron Heilman, who are about as useful as a bag of plastic hammers right about now. (Flippin' Heilman...0-2 count on a .202 hitter and he lets Pat Burrell hang around until he gets a pitch he can serve up to center field to make it a 6-5 game. Way to go, clutch!)

Thankfully, there was Billy Wagner (with no Burrell at the plate) to finish things off and send us home happy...if not swiftly. Damn, the traffic coming out of the Bank is simply atrocious, as one lane of traffic was allowed to pass while the rest of us were made to crawl along. It was like coming home from a Jets game! We were moving so slow that...and I can't be sure of this...I could have sworn that I saw a couple attempt to get busy in the back of their SUV while waiting for the second game to start.

Heck I was even able to leave the car in traffic to ask a policeman about the easiest way to get to the elusive Walt Whitman bridge, when a kid then comes up to me in my Pedro Martinez jersey and warns me "man, don't wear that jersey in the hood." What? Your fans can't heckle me to my face and I can't wear my jersey in your hood? I'll tell you what, if I wear my Brian Leetch jersey to a Flyers game, then I'll worry (and wear armor underneath...because, as you know, we must protect this house). Until then...

Silly me thinking I could get back to New York in time to watch the second game (I blame the traffic, but I also blame Charlie Manuel's waste of time at the beginning of the game, checking Orlando Hernandez's cap for pine tar or chocolate or whatever Manuel was searching for). Instead, I stepped into my hood just as the second game ended, with only time enough to watch highlights, which included Cole Hamels not only throwing 3,287 pitches in three innings (oh yeah, wait until you face Cole Hamels indeed), but throwing behind Jose Reyes on a 3-0 count after thinly veiled threats to go after Paul Lo Duca.

Here's another fact about Cole Hamels that you may not know: Do you know what you get when you take Cole Hamels, take about 15 mph off his fastball, and add about 15 points to his IQ, do you know who you get?

You get Shawn Estes!

Yes, we haven't forgiven Estes for missing Roger Clemens' girth in retaliation for Mike Piazza. But Cole Hamels, who talks like he's been in the league for 100 years, was so dumb that in his lame attempt to send a message on a 3-0 pitch to Jose Reyes behind his back, that it went all the way to the backstop allowing the run to score. Not even Shawn Estes pulled off a Merkle like that! Way to go Cole. And shame on that umpiring crew for saving Hamels' bush league hide for immediately issuing warnings, ending any chance that John Maine would send another "fact" Hamels' way (not that Maine would have retaliated but still.) I initially thought from the radio broadcast that Hamels had been wild all game so this was just a by product of that. But after seeing it with my own eyes? There's no way there wasn't purpose to that pitch. No way. I'm not sure I can be convinced otherwise on this.

"YOU! You can RUN, but you can't HIDE!" -Vernon Wells (not that Vernon Wells) from Mad Max 2

Your day is coming.

Not So Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat

When you put too many nutshells on the head of a sleeping animal, he's bound to wake up and bare his fangs.

When you put too many balls in the middle of the plate, that same sleeping animal will put its fangs right into your ERA.

Sometimes, one ball down the middle is one ball too many...and Oliver Perez's meatball to Carlos Guillen woke up the sleeping animal as the Mets lost to the Tigers 8-7 on FOX's game of the week.

(The good part about the Mets being FOX's game of the week is that you know that FOX wanted a certain other pitcher to make his 2007 debut on their network...instead, he made his debut on a Saturday for another television outlet. It's like the spoiled debutant going to the prom with the average joe while the football star hits the town with the winner of the science fair...and the debutant is hanging out by the punch bowl all night seething while trying to sidle her way to the football star to make people believe that they're really together. Good for FOX.)

Ollie's subpar outing doesn't worry me as much as Guillermo Mota's awful performance. His implosion was such that it actually provided the Wilpons a blueprint on how to do the same to Shea Stadium in 2008. Mota's ERA is 8.10 now, and more than that, every game he's pitched in has been a Mets loss. So basically, even when he's pitching well, the Mets don't trust him to hold a lead...there are other pitchers on the pecking order when the Mets are ahead, such as Heilman (let's give credit where credit is due with two scoreless innings today), Joe Smith and Pedro Feliciano. Mota isn't quite the human white flag (that honor goes to Aaron Sele these days), but Mota is the guy who's trusted with a one or two run deficit, which is kind of like going up to someone, handing him the lint in your pocket, and asking him to look after it while you go to the bathroom.

Not exactly the pinnacle of responsibility.

***

I would like to touch on this whole Paul Lo Duca/Cole Hamels situation if I may. Lo Duca, as you remember, flipped the bat mightily after he hit the third of consecutive home runs for the Mets on Thursday. Undertaker also had a little hop in him as he crossed the plate. Hamels, who was touched up for the three dingers, had this to say:

"When I strike a guy out, I walk off. I don't fist pump. I don't try to show up their team," Hamels said. "You get to the major leagues, that's where you're supposed to show your class...It was a big moment. Maybe the excitement got the best of him. There was a lot of game left, as we saw."

Will Lo Duca pay?

"I have to be careful here," Hamels said, grinning evilly. "Let's just say, it could have been a mistake on his part."

I'm not going to even touch on the fact that a guy starting his 36th game in the majors is telling a 10 year veteran how to play the game.

To be fair, Lo Duca has complained in the past about Alex Rodriguez admiring a home run against Alay Soler last season. And I will say this, when Lo Duca flipped the bat on Thursday, I thought he was going to get thrown at in his next at-bat. He came up in the eighth inning with nobody on and two men out, and it would have been an opportune time for a brushback pitch...and dare I say you could make a case that it would have been fair. But guess what, it didn't happen. Your opportunity to respond in an honorable way is lost.

Cole Hamels is like the drunk guy at the party that comes up to you, gets in your face, and tells you repeatedly that he's going to kick your ass, and the method in which he'll do it. Well in the hood, if you spend too much time talking about it, and not enough time putting your theory into practice, you're going to come up against the wrong hombre...the guy who will punch first and ask questions later. Paul Lo Duca is that guy.

Cole, you're a great pitcher. But you're no Nat King...so don't sing it.

Just bring it.

Phil Leotardo and Terry Pendleton: A Bond Shared In The Depths Of Hell

I know how The Sopranos is going to end!

Before the New Jersey crew can be whacked by the New York crew, the Philadelphia crew comes out of nowhere and whacks the New York crew!

Oh wait, that already happened!

I don't think you're giving enough credit to Philly (certainly the Met broadcasters were). They did it all...starters, bullpen, clutch hitting, defense. They really made a statement in this series. -Benny Agbayani

Yeah, they made a statement all right: "Go f**k yourselves, New York!"

(Let's assume that's the real Benny Agbayani...because it's more fun that way. Besides, my wife always liked him.)

All right Benny, here's the credit I'll give the Phillies: Chase Utley is a hell of a ball player. He plays the game the right way and he's a legitimate major league baseball superstar. Yeah, he's a Met killer, but not in the "I'm Pat Burrell and I'm a lifetime Met killer but against the rest of baseball I couldn't hit the broadside of a glacier" Met killer kind of way, but he's a Met killer in the sense that he's an equal opportunity assassin.

Jimmy Rollins? Yeah, he pissed off a lot of Met fans including myself. But let's face it, we've got a complex about not getting the respect we so richly deserve in this city. So when Jimmy Rollins made that "best team on paper" remark, we didn't exactly take it in stride. But Jimmy Rollins never said anything bad about us...no matter if he thinks these things or not. And why should he care what we think? He's a damn good ballplayer too.

Cole Hamels? Damn good.

Ryan Howard? Even though we're not seeing it this season so far, he's also a mighty fine ballplayer.

And if you offered me multiple Aaron Rowands I'd take them (as long as I could still have Jose Reyes and David Wright and both Carloses and Paul Lo Duca...so I'd really only need two or three.)

So now here's what pisses me off about the Phillies...

Who is Yoel Hernandez and why can't the Mets hit him?

Mike Zagurski? Are you kidding me? I know the Mets are down to their fifth, sixth, and ninth outfielders, but Mike Zagurski??? Guy looks like Terry Forster on an Atkins diet.

Antonio Alfonseca? Three saves out of three chances? He replaced Brett Myers as the closer because Brett Myers...you know I mind as well tell you the truth: Antonio Alfonseca ate Brett Myers (before picking the remnants from his teeth with both of his extra fingers).

Oh don't get me started on Pat Burrell...

"It's one of those things...I can't explain." -Pat Burrell

Yuk yuk, oh shucks...I don't know? Which way did he go George?

Jeez, now watch him torch the Royals pitching staff for a big fat 0 for 14, can he explain that?

I can't get on Country Time. He's been money for the Mets all season, and it really, really, sucks that this was his hiccup. I mean, what a way to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Terry Pendleton home run...by reaching back through time and shaking hands with Roger McDowell. (Ironic that on the Yahoo! front page, the lead story has to do with how Billy Wagner gives the Mets an edge over the Tigers and their struggling bullpen this weekend...meanwhile the Mets lost three games because of their bullpen, and the Tigers won tonight. That's just what I want to see...greeeeeeeat!!!)

And I can't even get on Scott Schoeneweis. Normally, I would...you know me. But damn, how insensitive would I be if I railed on a guy who, it was just revealed, has been pitching with a severed tendon in his leg? Severed!!! I can't do it. Can't! He's going out there pitching in complete pain and there's nothing he can do about it. You can talk about the contract all you want and how he's not living up to it. But he's trying to work through it through pain. And it's not like the pain that two weeks rest is going to help (or not, if you're Moises Alou...would it help if he peed on his quad? Hey, I'm just asking). It's the kind of pain that just has to be negotiated and worked through. His stats suck, but the guy's got a little warrior in him...I gotta give him that.

But I'm still peeved at Aaron Heilman.

Don't tell me I have no right.

And I'm peeved that on a night where the Mets hit three dingers in a row, they turn around and let them recover from it...while the Mets can't recover from any big hits that the Phillies get...especially against the Phillies bullpen. It's awful. And if the Mets can't hit it, they're awful too...at least they're awful right now. But it can't last, can it? Jose Valentin is back, albeit with a brace (and no mustache...don't mess with the karma gods, Jose...remember what happened when Keith Hernandez shaved his mustache in '87...damn these 1987 parallels)...and Shawn Green is coming back on Sunday. Lastings Milledge is even out of his boot. The troops are coming back...it's going to get better, right?

Terry Pendleton, please get out of my life...please?

Seventh Hell

A little clarity, a little more time to think, and a little bit of alcohol got me thinking about Tuesday night's game. And the one recurring theme in my mind was this: With Geoff Geary on the mound in a tie game, and the heart of your order at the plate, you have to win. You have to find a way to scratch one run home. It's inexcusable for the Mets not to have done that.

So Wednesday night, here we are again. Geoff Geary on the mound, and this time the Mets are down by a run with runners on second and third and nobody out. I stress one more time: You have to beat Geoff Geary.

If this was 2006, Geary is beaten down like a minor leaguer. Earlier this season, Geary was beaten down like a minor leaguer. Now? Well not only do the Mets go down meekly in the home half of the seventh inning, they go down spectacularly...in flames even. They go down with seemingly their last outfielder standing healthy getting shot by a sniper...the hamstring sniper...while beating out a double play to bring home the tying run (which really should have scored with nobody out and Ryan Howard sprawling to smother the Julio Franco grounder with Ruben Gotay already halfway home, but that's another issue altogether).

They say that Endy Chavez's hamstring is "strained". I'd hate to see what an actual tear would have looked like. Would he have been taken off on a wheelchair like Dwyane Wade? And with that, the curse of the Shea outfield continues, with Shawn Green still hurt and Moises Alou taking his sweet time getting back to the lineup (even though at his age, time should be a terrible thing to waste). Don't be surprised if Alou makes a slightly sooner than expected return to the lineup tomorrow (calls to Eric Valent, Gerald Williams, and Brian McRae were not immediately returned).

Of course, the bottom of the seventh is moot without the top of the seventh, and the latest meltdown by Aaron Heilman (which I suspect was a jinx job by Keith Hernandez...first he goes on and on about what a great job Pedro Feliciano had done this season before he gave up the home run to Chase Utley, and tonight he waxes poetic on how much better Aaron Heilman has been lately before he goes ka-boom with a three run explosion in the top of the inning...thanks a lot Keith).

If this game had happened in September, it would have been devastating. Terry Pendelton like, even. That game had Ron Darling's injury (the same Ron Darling who was in Shea Stadium's version of the penalty box announcing the game tonight...was that his Anaheim Duck homage?), this had Endy's injury. That game had Pendleton's blast, this game had Jimmy Rollins' three run HR off Heilman. The only thing that game had that this one didn't, thankfully, was the month of September. But think of the life that the Mets just gave the Phillies tonight...you thought Jimmy Rollins was confident coming into the season? His confidence is sky high right now...do we really want that? And now, if we didn't have enough Cole Hamels Facts, here's another one: The Mets have to beat him on Thursday just to save themselves from a sweep. They can't hit Geoff Geary or Adam Eaton right now (Adam Eaton, for crying out loud...Adam Eaton!!!) We're really expecting them to beat Cole Hamels?

The Mets have deserved the benefit of the doubt all season. And as horiffic as Wednesday's game was, they're still 3 and a half ahead of Atlanta. But the pulse of the team can't be good after their first three game losing streak of the season. And at some point a good team like this has to sit back and ask themselves what they need to do to right the ship. With the schedule in June as brutal as it is (starting with Detroit on Friday and on from there), games like Wednesday's needed to be won.

Not Worth The Paper It's Printed On

I'm guessing we can all agree that the Washington Nationals are the worst team on paper, correct?

And according to Jimmy Rollins, the Philadelphia Phillies are the best team on paper. Right?

Well, I've picked up the paper. Guess what it says:

Nationals 1-6
Phillies 1-6

The Nationals win the tie-breaker and thus are listed on the higher line....Because as we know, the first division tie-breaker is not head to head record, but less errors by players who make silly predictions. Jimmy Rollins' error brought home the tying run for the Mets today in their home opener, and opened the floodgates for the Phillies bullpen to give up six thousand more runs as the Mets won by a score of 6,005-5.

All right it was only six runs in an 11-5 victory. For the Phillies, it only seemed like 6,000 runs. For the Mets, it didn't seem like enough.

Here's my startling admission of the night: I never hope for sweeps. Sweeps, to me, are a lot to hope for. I've got one of those friends who wants to go 162-0 every season. Tells me on the phone: "You know, if we can win 19 of the next 20..." as if that kind of thing happened all the time in baseball. I'm always the one reigning him in, trying to keep his expectations somewhat reasonable so that he doesn't give himself a coronary episode if heaven forbid the Mets only win 6 out of 10.

That being said, I've gotta tell you: I want two more from these guys. I want this team demoralized immediately. I want the entire city of Philadelphia getting out of their houses at 2AM wandering around Logan Square wondering what the hell happened to their team. I want people at Pat Gillick's door with bats and billy clubs waiting for answers. I want Pat's and Geno's to be so disgusted with the Phillies that they pack up and move to New York. I want the Phanatic to wear blue and orange. I the city of Philadelphia to know that the defending division champs are not to be trifled with via cheap motivational speeches.

Yes, I'm hoping for a sweep.

A word about The Amburglar, if you will. You may disagree with me...no, check that: you will disagree with me. But I don't mind the decision to pitch to Ryan Howard in the sixth. Yes, there was a base open, but if you intentionally walk the struggling Howard, you bring up a Met killer with the bases loaded (a Met killer currently hitting .385, it should be noted). Damned if you do and damned if you don't...but Howard hadn't hit anything all season. And up until two strikes on Howard, Burgos proved that you can make him look silly.

But once Howard fouled off the first pitch after the second strike, I started to get a little nervous because Howard was starting to battle, and starting to time Burgos. Amburglar went to the well once too often, and there's no way that an off-speed pitch should have been anywhere near the strike zone...it was like he caught the Mota disease as he kept going to the junk instead of going upstairs with the heat, or throwing the splitter down by his ankles. Except that wasn't Scott Spiezio with his warning track power, that was Ryan Howard with his "I'm in a slump and if I get a pitch to hit it's going to the flippin' moon" power. So instead, we got what Keith Hernandez called "a helicopter slider" or some similar nonsense.

I was upset after the Burgos Bomb, and knew that it would be talked about for a while. But once the SNY crew was discussing the Gary Carter HR from Opening Day '85 I thought "you know what, it's the home opener. Deliciously evil things happen during home openers at Shea (unless it's 2003 and you're down 27-3)"...and I cheered up. And once Matt Smith took over for Wonderboy Cole Hamels, I cheered up some more.

And when Geoff Geary came in for Smith, the smile on my face grew wider than Sidney Ponson's pants size...because we all know the deeper you get into Philadelphia's bullpen, the better the odds that Charlie Manuel's face will turn beet red like his uniform (or those things the Braves wear on Sundays). It was fun to watch Geary walk a 78-year-old man, no? It was fun to watch Jimmy Rollins boot a Jose Reyes grounder to tie the game. And it was lotsa fun watching David Wright blast one off the top of the wall to put the game away in a grand eighth inning which bore seven runs of fruit for us.

And it will be just as much fun to pick up the paper tomorrow and see the best team on that paper in last place.