I Blame Oliver Perez

"What did I do this time? I didn't even pitch today!"

I know, I know. I blame Oliver Perez for most things in life these days. His reputation precedes him.

But I also blame Mike Pelfrey and John Maine. "For what" is what you are surely asking.

The latest bit of "breaking news" to come out of Mets camp is that Sean Green and Bobby Parnell are reportedly going to start the 2010 season in Buffalo. It makes room for guys like Nelson Figueroa and Hisanori Takahashi to land in the bullpen. And that makes a load of sense (Mets? Sense? I know!) considering that nobody is counting on the three headed monster of Little Pelf, Cousin Ollie, and Maine & 5th to provide a whole bunch of innings. I'm sure Sunday's six runs in five and 2/3's given up by Pelfrey pushed the Mets toward that line of thinking, or perhaps over the cliff.

If those three are going to average five innings a start, then you're going to need innings eaters in the bullpen like Nellie and Takahashi II to eat up some of those middle innings. Heck, maybe it gives Snoop more flexibility to have a quicker hook when the Tee Ball Triplets come in throwing beach balls all over the place. But you're going to tire out your bullpen when you have nothing but three out guys to turn to on a night where Perez has one of his famous "seven runs in five outs" linescores.

It may be a raw deal for Green and Parnell, but Parnell will probably be back sooner than later. And Green? Well jeez who needs a six foot six guy who comes in and throws submarine style? I know Chad Bradford was 6'5" but at least Blueback looked like a submariner. Green's makeshift new delivery makes him look like that episode of the Munsters where Herman tried to pitch for the Giants.* Green will walk the world in anyway because batters will be too distracted by a 6'6" guy who looks like he has no interest in bending. I know it's not the most accurate analysis or scouting report you're going to get on Green but he just plain freaks me out.

Other than the fact that sending the other large component of the J.J. Putz trade to the minors makes that trade completely useless on this side of the Mississippi, it seems to be a move that had to be made if it is indeed made.

*This episode of The Munsters never happened.

Continuing The Debate

I gotta say that this Jenrry Mejia debate is fascinating. As opposed to a lot of spring training chatter, which can be about nothing and drive you insane sometimes, the back-and-forth between the people that want Mejia in the Mets bullpen this season and the people who want Mejia in Buffalo or Binghamton to hone his skills as a starter has enough twists, turns, nooks and crannies to make an English muffin look like Sara Lee Soft & Smooth bread.

Here's how nuts it's gotten, and keep in mind right off the bat that I consider myself in the camp of caution, of sending him to the minors and letting him work on secondary pitches to come up as a starter rather than keeping him up this season to be a situational/short/set-up reliever: There's a Facebook page organizing a protest to keep Mejia in the minors, which will set itself up outside the SNY studios hoping to be seen on Loudmouths or whatever show's path it happens to cross. Think about that for a second: Imagine there was a protest on live television to keep you from getting a promotion at work. How would you feel? Even if it was organized with your best interests at heart ... what kind of blow to the ego would that be?

Good thing nobody cares about your job that much, eh?

Here's the way I see it: You can compare Mejia to anybody you want who has gone from starter to reliever: John Smoltz did it, and did it well. What I would have liked about the transition if Smoltz wasn't a Brave was how he understood the art of throwing breaking stuff with more ferocity. Smoltz was throwing a 92 mph splitter. That isn't fair.

But it takes a veteran like Smoltz circa 2001-2004 to understand that. Jenrry Mejia, I'm guessing, knows nothing of what's between zero and sixty. Thus, he has more to learn.

Then there's one Mr. Chamberlain and his silly rules. Similar debates rage on about Chamberlain and where his role is best suited. The fear with Mejia is that he'll be treated with the same kid gloves that lightly tapped Chamberlain and his role is going to go back and forth depending on which managerial or front office job he needs to save that day. So his path needs to be straight and not circular (like the change up he may need to learn).

(You know what's weird, usually the manager plays veterans to save his job, not bring up rookies. As usual with the Mets, the circumstances are all cockeyed.)

Obviously, Chamberlain has been more dominant as a reliever than a starter. One could argue that a mediocre starter proves more valuable than a lights out set-up guy (see: Oliver Perez's contract), but Mejia at least deserves the chance to show that he could actually be more than just a mediocre starter before we have this debate. Sure, the bullpen has holes (cough ... Sean Green ... cough), but the rotation is a doughnut. And yes, John Maine's fastball had some movement and it actually struck out Albert Pujols on Thursday (though the pitch was a ball), but I stand by the statement. Fill a bullpen hole for a season which is going to be an uphill climb anyway with a raw rookie, or fill a rotation hole for ten years with a seasoned prospect? You decide.

Then there's Bobby Parnell, who to me is a poster child for rushing your prospects as the Mets have done too often under this regime. He too, had an eye opening spring. He then went from the sixth to the seventh to the eighth inning. Then he fell apart. Not to say Mejia isn't going to fall apart at some point in his major league career, but wouldn't you want him to be fully prepared when that meltdown comes? Somebody who has pitched 44 (and a third) innings above A-ball in his life can't possibly be prepared. Hell, who knows if he's prepared for Friday night's fan boycott???

If you're still confused by all this, Glenn Beck explains it all on this blackboard:

It's not confusing at all.

And if you're still confused by this, here's Keith Hernandez in the leisure suit that he recently admitted on an SNY broadcast he wore when he got called up to the Cardinals.

The yellow one was in the cleaners.

While Others Spoil, The Mets Are Sweeteners

Nice of the Mets to improve everybody else's playoff hopes since they really haven't had any since Shea still stood. Thursday night's embarrassing effort helped the Braves out as they completed their sweep of the orange, black and blue (in that order) putting them four and a half behind the wild card leaders, and dropping the Mets all the way back to 1965.

The big news came before the game when Gangsta General indeed pulled Bobby Parnell from the starting rotation and put him in the bullpen for the last two weeks of the season, while still holding fast to plans to have him start games in winter ball. Makes perfect sense to me, because as you know long term plans are for suckers. Winning games is the ultimate goal, a goal that the Mets have executed veeeeeeery weeeeeeell in September.

And don't you find it funny that now, now, when the season is out the window, we're worried about putting the best team on the field to win games, as opposed to worrying about getting Gary Sheffield and Fernando Tatis at bats. Nothing backwards about that at all.

Snoop then went on to continue citing injuries as the reason that the Mets can't seem to spoil anybody else's September, even though everybody else seems to spoil Flushing Septembers when injuries aren't a factor.

But the best news/speculation came of the night came courtesy of these guys:

"Andrew Marchand of ESPN 1050 NY radio just tweeted that an associate of the Wilpons says they might not spend at all this off-season. He went on to say that his source said that the only way to get the Wilpons to spend will be public pressure."

Oh great. Way to formulate a plan and stick to it ... unless of course the press is bad. Maybe with all the extra money they save perhaps the Wilpons can buy themselves a spine. And maybe they'll have some left over to splurge on a clue for Manuel.

Public pressure? Oh please let this be true ... because this is the most hysterical thing I've heard. And it fits, doesn't it? The only way the Mets put a picture of Ed Kranepool up in the hallway was because everybody bitched and moaned about it. But somehow I think it's going to take more than me typing "spend spend spend spend spend" on this blog over and over again to get the Wilpons to put money into the product. No, I'm thinking about ten thousand of you showing up at Citi Field in November carrying pitchforks and torches, dressed as bankers.

And mind you that Jeff Wilpon, who'll only do stuff if enough people complain, is the guy who wants to make more of the day-to-day decisions. But if the payroll really is frozen, he's just going to make the same decision over and over again:

Nope, can't afford him. See if Hernandez is available.

Which one?

Does it matter?

Ooooooh, I can't wait for the off-season! Giddy!

Put That In Your Notebook

It would be easy to blame this on Daniel Murphy.

It would be really easy to blame this on Daniel Murphy.

You know what? I blame Daniel Murphy.

The ball down the line that started the Braves winning rally in the ninth off of Frankie? He's gotta dive. And the last ball that he booted after the game was tied? He can't play that like a damn bullfighter. Ole!

Not to mention that with a chance to put the serious screws on Derek Lowe in the second inning with the bases loaded and two outs, Murph spit the bit and grounded out. That's been a team-wide epidemic all season long (aren't they batting about .205 in that situation?) But tonight was a bad night to have every single calamity befall the man that people have been demanding I lay off. Can't do it tonight. Sorry.

But I have to say this, and this is why our fearless manager drives me nuts: He's wondering after the game why Murphy didn't get in front of that ball. Here's a clue, maybe he's not being coached correctly? You mean to tell me that you didn't know that this would be on the job training with Murphy? Seriously? Especially with the season having been down the tubes since July?

Oh I'm sorry, I forgot we're still trying to win games. That's why we needed to see Ken Takahashi in the fourth inning when Bobby Parnell was facing a tough situation after only 83 pitches. Yeah, let's pull Parnell from the rotation with two weeks to go and send him to the bullpen where he can rot for a week, and then pitch two innings every day the final week of the season for no good reason. Then we can trade Parnell and Murphy for a swine-flu infested towel now when their value hits rock bottom. All so that Snoop Manuel can win 70 games instead of 65. That's like writing a hundred page extra credit paper on the pros and cons of techno vs. hip hop music at parties after you've already failed the damn class. A blind man has a better chance of finding a chocolate chip in a silo full of marshmallow fluff than Snoop has of getting anything positive out of this team with his inconsistent messages and goals.

Actually, I'll take inconsistent at this point ... I don't even know what the message is. Joe Morgan must know, since he was saying how he noticed that this team doesn't give up on Sunday. Add Wednesday to the list of games we can send to Morgan on DVD to watch since we know he spends his off time watching golf and the NBA Finals rather than the sport he allegedly covers.

Point being, tonight makes Murphy look bad. This whole season has made Manuel look bad ... injuries or not. He can throw Murphy under the bus all he wants (despite saying he would "rather get the message across in more discreet ways rather than "show up" the player" ... while we're on the subject of inconsistent messages). He can blame the players for their bad baserunning. But when it's been happening all season long, I point the finger to the gangster in charge.

On Golden Parn

"Doesn't he remind you of Henry Fonda? If Henry Fonda was a pitcher, that's how he would talk" -Bob Ojeda, on Bobby Parnell's postgame comments regarding getting out of a seventh inning jam

You know, I was about to go into a whole rant about why Snoop Manuel would bother to tell us that Parnell would still be in the starting rotation "for now" despite his struggles ... that pulling him in favor of, say, Jose Lima would have prevented Parnell to experience the fruits of his education, getting out of a bases loaded nobody out jam in the 7th inning en route to a 6-2 win, the Mets' second straight victory.

But after that comment by Ojeda, I'm not going to do it. Because I give up. I can't say or think of anything more bizarre, tangential, and maniacally brilliant than that. Well played, Bobby O. You win this round.

Gone Fishin'

Does J.J. Putz count as two injured players since he frayed an entirely different muscle?

Does Johan Santana count as two injured players because he's Johan Santana?

That means the Mets lost four players for the season in one day.

Awesome. You realize that along with Oliver Perez's latest injury (why isn't he shut down for the season?), the starting rotation right now is Mike Pelfrey, Nelson Figueroa, Pat Misch, Tim Redding, and Bobby Parnell. And the lineup consists of players that even Livan Hernandez could shut down ... and probably will now that he's a National again.

Football season can't get here fast enough.

That's Hank Aaron Award Nominee Angel Pagan To You, Sir

The line from Wednesday's boxscore reads as such:

A. Hernandez ss-2b-ss-2b

It's brilliant when you think about it, switching him back and forth in the same game. Because, if Anderson Hernandez goes back and forth from shortstop to second base often enough, then on double plays he could just throw it to himself ... saving Luis Castillo that pesky task of covering on double plays.

Not that it would have helped in a 15-2 disaster, which was helped along by Bobby Parnell's "learning curve." Not that a curveball was called all night ... Omir. You have more than one finger, you know. Wasn't the point to help Bobby use all his pitches now that he's a starter?

I wonder how hard Billy Wagner is hoping for somebody to claim him off waivers? (Hint: Enjoy Tampa.)

All You Mets Look Alike

Here's how bad it's been for the Mets this season: MLB Network, in hyping Friday night's start by Bobby Parnell, used a picture of Matt DeSalvo and called him Parnell.

Being mistaken for Matt DeSalvo when you haven't even made two starts in your career is a hell of an early time to hit rock bottom professionally.

With nowhere to go but up, Parnell fired six shutout innings and beat the Giants 3-0.

I guess when you wear throwback uniforms that throw back to a time and a place that never existed, and you take the names off the back of the uniforms, they all look alike anyway.

It's all right though. Because it's nothing compared to what ESPN did:


For the record, it took Parnell's grandmother to point out the mistake to MLB Network. So here now is the real Bobby Parnell with the real Bobby Parnell's grandmother:

Be Kind To Small Animals

I figure it this way: to by hyper-critical of Bobby Parnell for only lasting into the third inning in his first major league start would be like smacking a puppy for no good reason. What good would it do? There will be plenty of time to rub Bobby's nose in it if he pulls a Trachsel in a future NLCS. But now that the final two months of the season are resembling extended spring training (much like the first four did except with less delusion), Parnell has a unique opportunity to build arm strength and learn how to negotiate full lineups and select from a whole catalogue of pitches rather than just from the front cover. Getting angry at the latest Mets malaise would be counter-productive, and create unnecessary stress.

Necessary stress, for example, would be to continue to wonder how Frankie Rodriguez ... aside from giving up a grand slam to an A ball player ... could walk Kyle Blanks, a man who at 6'6" has a strike zone the approximate size of a broadside of a barn. You know, the one Frankie couldn't hit.

But throwing small animals and kicking inanimate objects over Saturday night's 3-1 loss is counterproductive. I'm not sure when throwing small animals would be productive, but I guess you would have to ask Kevin Mitchell about that. Besides, I like puppies. I hope Bobby Parnell does too.

The Doctor Is Out

Boy am I glad I asked all these questions about the future. I seem to have been given the answers already. Allow me to quote myself (narcissism, you are my friend):

The first option seems to be the most likely option as reported by most, and that's the return of Omar and Snoop for 2010.

And apparently, the Wilpons have given both the "vote of confidence". Although we know how "votes of confidence" usually end up.

Are the Wilpons going to stop spending the way they did with Pedro and Beltran all together because now they have their shiny new ballpark?

The answer apparently is yes, as the Mets have reportedly turned down Doc Halladay in a trade for Fernando Martinez, Bobby Parnell, Jon Niese, and Ruben Tejada. So the prognosis for this team seems to be more of the same old, same old. Whether it's the right move or the wrong move to turn it down, it's the most horrible message to send to the fan base at the most horrible time.

You know this means that in three years the Mets are going to wind up trading Martinez, their number one jewel, for a disgruntled corner outfielder and a back-up catcher. With the Mets luck, that'll turn out to be a washed up Lastings Milledge and an injury prone Jesus Flores.

But hey, the Mets are over .500 with Frenchy on the team. Hooray.

I don't know Tony Bernazard, but everything I read about him tells me that I shouldn't trust him as far as I could physically, or even mentally, throw him.

Yeah, we got that answer too:

"The scouting community has been abuzz with an account of Mets VP Tony Bernazard going into a profanity-laced tirade directed at the organization's manager of baseball operations at Citi Field, which left witnesses in the section behind home plate aghast. According to two sources, scouts had settled in a row behind the plate during a recent game. Bernazard arrived and found a Diamondbacks scout sitting in the seat he wanted. When Bernazard's underling suggested that the Mets VP wait until the end of the half-inning to change the seating arrangement in order to minimize the disruption, Bernazard went ballistic in a rant against his Ivy League-educated deputy."

Not for nothing, but where I come from a profanity laced tirade can get you fired. Wonder if this one gets Tony Bernazard promoted.

Seriously, how much more evidence can hit you in the face before you finally call a doctor to fix the broken bones?

(Oh wait, the Mets have already told the doctor to stay in Toronto.)

One Hit Wonder

When the highlight of a Yankees/Mets game is Keith Hernandez giving SNY viewers a riveting on-screen instructional of the intricacies of the cough button, that's when you have problems.

The Yankees defeated the Mets 5-0.

The SNY cough buttons defeated the Mets 3-0.

Where two hits at least could have been rubbed together to start a fire, the Mets couldn't even accomplish that, as they only had one all game. In fact, when Alex Cora struck out on a wicked A.J. Burnett (or has he dropped the periods and become AJ like his friend CC Sabathia) curveball in the first, the thought "well, let's get 'em tomorrow" escaped my lips. Seriously. (I'm impressed that it was Cora who got the only hit.) That's when I was told to have some optimism. You know the one thing that's worse than the Mets lineup right now? That's right, optimism.

Consider: Not only are Yankee fans able to get the best seats, but they're knocking pop-ups out of David Wright's glove in the stands. Not that it helped them (Robinson Cano struck out), but their baseball IQ rates higher than that of the Mets on the field. Now seriously, what the hell is that?

The worst part: Who can I really blame? Seriously? I'm going to pick on Jerry Manuel for batting Argenis Reyes second? Dumb? Yes. Difference making? Would putting Argenis in the eight hole or on the bench or in Buffalo have been the difference between zero runs and six ... or even one? For that matter, am I going to blame Argenis Reyes for being a .200 hitter? Man, that's like blaming a fish for being bad at breathing out of water, or Shaquille O'Neal for being tall, or Dennis Cook for having a temper. It's just who they are.

Frustratingly, blaming people would be akin to taking candy from multiple babies. It's just pointless. Burnett was on against a lineup where Brian Schneider had the best statistical chance to hit him. What exactly did we expect? At full strength, perhaps you can overcome a spotty performance by Tim Redding. When Argenis Reyes is batting second, well ...

Now if Monday's game recap contains the words "Chien-Ming Wang rediscovered his Cy Young form ..." then it's time to complain.

***

Speaking of complaining, Mark DeRosa went to the Cardinals for Chris Perez and a player to be named. Indians fans seem to be fairly confident that this player will be pretty good.

Mets fans will probably wonder if DeRosa was on Omar Minaya's radar. Considering what the Indians got, the asking price for Omar probably would have included one Mr. Robert Parnell. Is that a chance you would have taken?

Looks Like Bob Is Throwing Them Hard ... And Straight

In a world where nothing is ever as it seems, you can count on three things to be certain in life:

You will die.

You will pay taxes or go to jail avoiding them.

Pat Burrell will play a part in your demise.

And when Bobby Parnell is in the midst of a patch as rough as this, you can be sure that Burrell will be there to take advantage. Oh, he could be wearing a different uniform. He could have a goatee that makes him look like Richard Karn. He could be visiting your new ballpark instead of the old one that he liked to haunt for so long. But it doesn't matter ... because when you root for the Mets, you have no choice but to experience two of life's certainties rolled into one: Death by Burrell.

Burrell merely started the rally off of the slumping Parnell that B.J. Upton and Evan Longoria finished off in the seventh. But you knew he would be involved in some capacity. Parnell just proved the theory that pitches may be fast, but the straight ones go faster towards the wall.

And before we go all "oh great, the offense finally delivered and the pitching falls apart", let's remember that one run was scored on a wild pitch, one run was scored on a base hit by Mike Pelfrey, one run was scored on a fielder's choice by Gary Sheffield, and another three run dinger by Babe Schneider. Yeah, the runs count ... but how many of them were legit? How long is the public supposed to depend on wild pitches and base hits by pitchers and Schneider pretending he's some sort of slugger?

Did you realize, as I didn't until today, that Mets catchers have driven in more runs than any other group of catchers in the league? Seriously? Do they get, like, the William M. Jennings trophy for that? Oh, there's no award for that? Let's invent one:

"The Ron Hodges Trophy."

More telling is that the Mets have gotten more RBI from the catcher position than any other position. What that tells, and who it tells of, I don't know. But it can't be good. So how's about Omar Minaya work the phones and get an honest to goodness run producer before the Phillies realize they're not as bad as they've been this week. Just an idea.

(Editor's note: You know what will happen now, right? Omar will try to acquire Burrell ... and the next sound you'll hear will be Metstradamus banging his head against the wall.)

Great Half Truths In Battle

When Dan Warthen told J.J. Putz that his new hand placement would do the trick, who knew that it would be the greatest miscalculation since General Custer said "Look ... Over the hill ... I think they're friendly indians".

Sorry, that was Ed Norton.

J.J. Putz becomes the latest casualty to lie alongside his friends in the annals of great PNC Park meltdowns, as his awful eighth inning wasted three Wilson Valdez RBI's, which is simply shameful since he'll likely not drive in three runs the rest of his career. It happened on his second try as he attempted to get his Pirate disaster out of the way at home earlier this season, but they say that if at first you don't succeed, try try again. At least Putz has that "sticktoittiveness" (the sports world is famous for making up words.) And at least, as Putz and Snoop Manuel noted, he threw strikes.

Comforting, I know.

But don't worry, because Putz will get a mental break on Tuesday while the rest of us will no doubt endure another night of the emotional water torture known as Mets baseball. And more good news kids, as for the foreseeable future, Putz will only come in the game if the matchup is "extremely favorable". I know we're talking about the Pirates and Nationals, but to the best of my knowledge there are no seven-year-old girls on either roster. So Putz will probably be sharing some hostel space with Sean Green for a while.

The best news of the night though is this: at least any and all Bobby Parnell trade rumors ended tonight.

All I know is that the matchups had better get extremely favorable, extremely quick. Because Warthen is running out of places to put J.J.'s hands.

Suspending Your Belief

Here's a pet peeve of mine: When a story on the news is teased with "you're not going to believe this". Happens all the time, and it kills me every time. On Monday night, it was Kirk Gimenez's turn to use the ultimate tease, as in: "News about Carlos Beltran's knee that you will not believe."

Usually when someone on television says: "You're not going to believe what ... or where ... or why", the information usually turns out to be quite ordinary and can only hit "limp" on the "Unbelievable" scale. Here a tip for you news teasers: Unless Carlos Beltran's knee is:

• a member of the Taliban
• selling military secrets to New Zealand, or
• dating Lauren Conrad

chances are I would probably believe it.

Turns out the news was that Beltran's knee, which was already sore, was going to be the subject of a Tuesday MRI. Why wouldn't I believe that? With all of the Mets that have been a part of the M*A*S*H unit this season, of course I'd believe it. Nothing surprises me anymore with any injuries whatsoever. The only surprise would be if the MRI showed a tear or a snap caused by stress, or perhaps gremlins, and the Mets actually did the prudent thing and put him on the disabled list. I think Omar Minaya wants to see if Snoop Manuel can win a game with seven players. That would be a tough trick ... even against the Nationals.

The tougher trick would be to win against the Nationals with the bullpen unable to find the plate with a GPS device. But turn that trick they did, with the help of some more video replay goodness on Gary Sheffield's deciding three run HR (see kids, technology is your friend.) The bullpen gave six free passes in the final three innings, including three by Bobby Parnell. But they slogged through and helped preserve John Maine's nice outing (six innings, four hits, three walks, one run).

On Tuesday, it's Livan Hernandez against his old team. Will he continue his halfway decent season? Will he implode? Will the game be played under playground rules, where all the fielders are on the left side of the field except for the first baseman due to all the Mets injuries?

Chances are, whatever happens, you're going to believe it.

Our Crumbling House

So with J.J. Putz developing a bone spur and fixing to be out for a couple of games, and Carlos Delgado perhaps being out anywhere from this weekend to ... forever, this is going to really test Omar Minaya's ability to put together a 25-man roster.

So who's scared?

When Delgado was day-to-day, I was against putting Daniel Murphy at first base. If you're going to have Murph play there all season, then give him every opportunity to learn the position. But if we're talking months for Delgado? Then by all means put Murphy at first, Tatis in left, Church in right, and have Sheffield as your bench pop (not your cleanup hitter/regular left fielder as he seems to be now ... seems that someone is thinking it's 1999, and not 2009.)

But whatever you do the fact remains, this team is thin. Delgado is out with his bone spur in his hip (can we put him on the DL already), Putz is out with a bone spur (at least now there's a reason for his struggles) and even Reyes missed Thursday's game with a bone spur he developed in his brain on Wednesday. The Mets call it a "tight calf", but come on, that could be another created injury which is code for "we're benching you because of a foggy brain but we're not going to embarrass you" (with the discovery of new injuries left and right, I think we're talking Nobel Prize in inventive medicine for the training staff.)

Thankfully, the Mets were able to survive Bobby Parnell's shaky foray into the eighth inning (albeit while being dinked and dunked), and Sheffield was able to survive stealing third base (seriously, he's old ... every stolen base could be his last act in baseball) with three runs in the ninth and a 7-4 win against the Giants. I don't know what lucky shamrock Carlos Beltran is carrying, but once again he stole third in more ways than one setting up the go ahead run in the ninth (Larry Jones is currently petitioning the league office for more competent baseball gods), driven in by David Wright who, apparently, just needed to get away from New York for a while as he not only drove in the winner but stole four bases.

Good catches by both announcers tonight. Gary Cohen, for noting that the Mets set a team record for most steals in a game without Reyes. And by Keith Hernandez who, while discussing a mutual sponsor of the Mets and Giants noted: "Speaking of sponsors, Fran Healy was the catcher in that old Willie Mays highlight."

Thank you Keith, for reminding us how much Fran Healy loved sponsors, and how amazing it is that I didn't throw paperweights through the television set while Healy was pitching Cheez Doodles and Optimo Cigars for all those years.

Hey, where's Oliver?

Seems that rehab took a sad turn as Oliver Perez was eliminated from American Idol on Thursday night.

Pirate Focus

It only seems that the Mets have been horrid against the Pirates over the last four years. They haven't ... going 16-12 from 2005-2008. But among the 12 there always seemed to be a Tike Redman, a Ronny Paulino, or a Steve Pearce that make one loss carry enough heartache for two or three.

The common thread with those losses and tonight might have been weaved as, for a short while in the ninth on Friday, it looked like J.J. Putz (with help from the omni-present former hockey player and current ground covering outfielder Nyjer Morgan) was going to add to that list of horrific losses that make me want to pour boric acid down my eye sockets.

But Putz got it together and saved (though only figuratively ... not in the stat line) Bobby Parnell his first major league win, and thus kept the Mets win streak alive at five. Make no mistake. This is no ordinary win. Because sure the Mets beat the Braves and Phillies four straight. But in the last two seasons ... especially last year ... it wasn't really about the Braves or the Phillies. it's been about the Pirates. And the Nationals. And the Marlins. And teams that the Mets always beat on paper but not where it counts, and not in the moments that count.

It would have been easy for the Mets to attempt to mail this one in and be all proud of themselves for winning four in a row against their mortal enemies. Instead, the Mets did all we could ask of them against your run of the mill regular opponent which is pitch well (welcome back to the show, Jon Niese), score some runs late (thanks to Carlos Beltran's cue shot and Carlos Delgado going all Dae Sung Koo on Sean Burnett), and only partially collapse in the bullpen (and not completely like some seasons we aren't going to mention here).

I don't think it's asking a lot.

Warm And Fuzzy

As long as the Mets are going to lose, they might as well lose in a way that makes Met fans more comfortable. When the Mets lose because of bad starting pitching, or a lack of hitting with runners in alleged scoring position, it's frustrating because we, as Met fans, are not used to that. We're freaking out like animals that know a storm is coming ... we're under the bed snapping at people when they're trying to give us food.

But when the Mets lose because the bullpen blows a Johan Santana start ... well, we've grown quite accustomed to that. We sleep like babies, which means we wake up screaming every two hours but again, it's comfortable and familiar like an old blanket or our softball mitt. I can deal with that. I'm used to that.

I will say that as a first guess, I had the thought of walking Cody Ross with first base open to pitch to Alfredo Amezaga. Ross is a Keebler Elf, but he's a dangerous hitter. Maybe Snoop didn't want to put too many men on base ... maybe he felt that throwing four intentional balls after throwing a bunch of unintentional balls (losing Jorge Cantu after going 1-2 on him was deadly) wasn't the best way to get J.J. Putz back on track. I don't know, but I would have thought about walking Ross.

But I can't get crazy over that because Putz made his own bed today with the walks (an alternate title to today's entry would be "Thunderstunk", but I'll save that for a later blown save ... especially after I just found out that a derivative has been used today ... boy that would have been embarrassing) and deserved to lose. But I would like to ask this of Snoop: Why in the world would you bother pinch hitting Omir Santos, your other catcher, for Fluff Castro with the bases loaded and two down in the ninth? You had Fluff in mothballs for three days, he gets two hits today, and with the bases loaded you sit him down? Wasn't Castro a guy who was considered to have enough pop in his bat where you would carry three catchers so Fluff could come off the bench? And now you're pinch hitting your other catcher for him in a situation where a base hit might only bring home one run? Then you've burned your catchers for extra innings.

It was redundant overmanaging if you ask me ... and I'm sure it was done in deference to Snoop's man-crush on Santos. But Snoop's testing the cult factor. You know that going to the well again for some bases-loaded magic so soon after Santos' grannie on Monday was tempting fate. It's like when Richie Cunningham was the hero for his basketball team one week, and then he was expected to do it again in the championship game after he became "Lucious Legs" and he missed the free throw? Remember that episode? You knew he wasn't going to be the hero two games in a row, just like you knew that Omir Santos wasn't going to get a pie in the face twice in the same series. Manuel tried to be too cute on that one.

Perhaps he offered Santos a Life Saver after the game.

***

Random fact: The Mets are now 0-2 in their last two Weather Education Days, hosted by Mr. G and WPIX. This clearly means that it's time to stop this promotion. Wanna learn about the weather? Stick your head out the window.

Instead for you kids, it'll be Mets Chant Education Day, hosted by me. Lesson one: It's Lets-Go-Mets-(pause)-Lets-Go-Mets-(pause)-Lets-Go-Mets-(pause). Not: Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap)-Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap)-Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap).

Because it's all about the kids.

***

By the way, because I know you're all curious ... Shake Shack? Aarrgrhrghrghrgrhgrhrghrgrh (drools). Burgers are heaven on a bun. Fries are excellent, and the black and white shake is quite tasty. The line takes 25 minutes (I timed it), but hey, get there early. I myself am glad I finally had the patience to wait in line.

But here's another take on Citi Field from Steve Somers ... and modified by a commenter you all know as "Metmaster". Wonder what you think (what you are about to read is the modification):

"Listening to Steve Somers on the FAN, I have come to the same conclusion re: Citi Field. He suggests that the Mets as a team might not like their new digs. I wholeheartedly agree. Generally good for the fan experience, but a bad fit for this Mets team. It is a place for line drive, slap hitters. Whitey Herzog would love it. The Mets are big swingers and the park is a grave yard for them. A couple of Marlins, according to Somers, commented before the game that the place is beautiful, but they would not want to play 81 games there. In their mania to make it Ebbets Field II the Wilpons created a hostile theme park for their team. They will never sign another power hitting free agent. Could April have been any worse?!"

Interesting. What this means of course is that Ryan Church and Bobby Parnell will be traded for Juan Pierre so he can play right, and Willie McGee, who is only a year older than Julio Franco, will return to baseball so he can play left field. It's inevitable.

(blogger wakes up screaming)

A Little To The Left

Here's the question that you, the Met fan, need ask yourself at this moment:

Would you rather have a second lefty on the roster, even if that second lefty has proven himself to be a complete bum? Or ...

Do you fill the remaining spots with righties that have proven to be useful parts of baseball society in the spring?

Ron Villone not being able to get lefties out today against Detroit, combined with Bobby Parnell pitching a stellar inning makes the question an interesting one. You want to take your chances with righties like Parnell, Darren O'Day, Brian Stokes, and perhaps Carlos Muniz's New Splitter (sounds like a movie) against the likes of Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Raul Ibanez? Or do you want another lefty to boo at home?

And how much more difficult is this question to answer knowing that you have guys like Will Ohman out there practically begging for a job with a contender. It's such a sad sight ... I wish it didn't have to come to this for Ohman:

Junior's Cheesecake And Bobby's Cheese

Now I know what you must be thinking: "Well if Metstradamus could come up with an entire rant about Fernando Nieve, I can only imagine how he's going to complain about signing Junior Spivey."

Believe me, I tried. I tried to come up with a soliloquy so negative yet so grand that it would make the hairs on the backs of all your necks stand up. But I just can't. I'm too tired. And there's only so many times I can come up with a 500 word masterpiece piece of crap on a guy signed to a minor league deal or picked up on waivers. Besides, every time I bemoan the signing of a guy who hasn't been on a major league roster since 1974, he winds up making the major league club and hitting .450 over the course of two months and makes me look like an idiot (that's before he rips his hamstring like pulled pork while applying Mighty Putty to a leaky pipe on an off day.) So I'm done playing that game.

Instead, I point you to the fact that Bobby Parnell is steaming towards a job in the Mets' pen as a set up guy. If there's one thing the Mets lacked in their bullpen last season, it was a swing and miss guy who throws hard. Yeah, I know ... the Mets, in actuality, lacked about 49 things in that bullpen last season. But Parnell is just the kind of guy the Mets have been missing, and could use if he can put it together. And if Parnell can do for the sixth/seventh what Frankie Rodriguez, J.J. Putz, and Sean Green are supposed to do for the eighth and ninth, then maybe Met fans aren't going to have to go through a season's worth of Rolaids by May 6th.

Yes You Can

Already, the excuses:

Mets VP Tony Bernazard said if the Mets strike out through free agency or trade, they're prepared to potentially use Bobby Parnell or Eddie Kunz in the closing role.

"Why not? What's wrong with that?" Bernazard asked. "You can't sign one of those guys, what are you going to do - not play?"

In case you haven't noticed ... America voted for change.

First stop is your bullpen, Tony.

We want change in your bullpen ... or you and Omar go the way of every other old administration that's been voted out before they get another four years.