A Physical? Why, That Would Cost Money!

Gotta love an organization like the Mets that dares to fly in the face of conventional wisdom.

You know who else loves the Mets' organization? Used car dealers. They practically trip over themselves getting to Omar and Jeff trying to sell them a family wagon where the engine has been replaced by cupcakes and printer ink.

"What? A post trade physical? Come ahhhhhhhhhn! Where's your sense of danger? This world has gotten too safe. Live a little! It's like playing Let's Make A Deal where you never really know what's behind that curtain or in that box. Remember how much fun you had watching Let's Make A Deal when you were a kid? Come on, think positive and man up!!!"

But don't you kids find it fitting that an organization run by businessmen who were taken by a Ponzi scheme would blow something so simple like giving a guy with bone chips in his elbow a physical after trading for him? Because, y'know, damn near every trade ever made in the world in the last thirty years is immediately followed by the words "pending physicals." But not the Mets. Noooooooooo, not them. That's not nearly exciting enough for Mets fans. And excitement is what the Mets are about!

"Well we had no time for a real physical. Physicals cost money, and waste valuable time. And as you know, time is money. And we knew that one day that money would go towards bringing back Fernando Tatis for a third season. So we had a guy come in with a mallet to hit him on the knee and turns out Putz was fine. No no, doc was legit. He took a course."

The best part about the whole l'affaire is the Mets official response (not like the unofficial ones in the italics above.)

"“In our review of the player’s medical records in the acquisition of J.J. Putz, we were aware that he had a bone spur before the trade. He had the same condition in 2008 and was able to pitch with it. J.J. underwent an exam during Spring Training and an additional exam and MRI before he was cleared to play in last year’s World Baseball Classic. Unfortunately the spur did flare up again in May, and he missed the rest of the season."

Ooooooh ... BAZING! What a response!!!!! Except, y'know, it disputes nothing that Putz said in the "controversial" interview.

"When the trade went down last year, I never really had a physical with the Mets,” said Putz. “I had the bone spur (in the right elbow). It was discovered the previous year in Seattle, and it never got checked out by any other doctors until I got to spring training, and the spring training physical is kind of a formality. It was bugging me all through April, and in May I got an injection. It just got to the point where I couldn't pitch. I couldn't throw strikes, my velocity was way down."

Sounds to me like player and team are on the same page! Tremendous!!! Too bad the player is no longer a part of the team he's on the same page with.

But remember, one is an exception, two is a trend.

Putz’s season was over. And he learned a very important lesson: "That it’s my career, and when you know something doesn't feel right, and they want to take these little sidesteps to do something, and just wait and wait and wait, you got to get it taken care of instead of trying to prolong the inevitable."

Vindication ... thy name is Carlos Beltran.

But there was something about the Mets threw into their official response that was telling.

"We are happy to hear he is feeling well, and wish him success with the White Sox."

Yes, we've seen this kind of quote before. Here's the loose translation:

"Jam it where the sun doesn't shine, J.J."

Funny if a Mets doctor had done that, we might not be in this mess.

Yeah, we might still have Aaron Heilman.

"See! We knew what we were doing all along!"

Old Habits Die Hard

"Yeah, let's replace Livan Hernandez with somebody older and less durable. Yeah! That'll work just fine!!! Now let's crack open those beers."

If you were a fly on the wall of the Mets war room, that might have been what you heard as the powers that be have discussed the possibility of John Smoltz being a Met. That's the John Smoltz who will be 43 in May (for perspective, that's two years and eight months older than Orel Hershiser was when he pitched for the Mets). That's also the same John Smoltz who pitched a total of 106 innings over the last two seasons due to injuries.

Not that I'm that crazy about anybody who's left in the free agent market (it's so bad that Joel Pineiro is looking like the Brooklyn Decker of starting pitchers right now), but the fact that the Mets are even thinking of bringing John Smoltz into the fold proves that this regime is never going to learn. Ever. Doesn't matter much if they sign him or not, they're thinking about it. That's reason enough for me to overreact ... because the pattern is starting again.

They make a good signing with Jason Bay, and now threaten to make five bad ones to back that up. Bengie Molina will be that first bad signing, and Smoltz might be right behind him on that list. (And Carlos Delgado might be third, but that's another blog for another time.) Because there's nothing like filling holes with old guys who are ripe to get injured and expose a farm system under siege. Sound like any particular season you might have lived through lately? You don't have to think too hard about this one.

It's a bad move whether he's the fifth starter or a bullpen option. It was one thing when they were backing up Frankie Rodriguez with J.J. Putz and Sean Green. Now it's John Smoltz and Kelvin Escobar? That's 111 innings in four seasons of baseball. Putz has the durability of Brett Favre next to these two.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that Tom Glavine is Smoltzie's golfing buddy which means there's a chance we could see Glavine show up at Citi Field with a Mets hat to support his buddy ... and looking all devastated as his friend gets torched by the Brewers for six runs in two and a third. (Oh, did I say devastated? I meant slightly disappointed.) I dare say this would induce more vomit than seeing Roger Clemens attend the Texas/Alabama game on Thursday. Glavine had better hope that he sits in one of those suites where the angry mobs can't get to him.

Predictability

So there was a Christmas gift under the tree after all!

Unfortunately, the thing ran once in two years ... and I think it needs a part no longer in stock.

The Christmas Eve signing of Kelvim Escobar is a perfect illustration of what ails the New York Mets. Look, I'm happy Escobar has found work. And despite what you might think I'm going to say (just to show you I'm not getting too predictable in my own age), I'm happy that Kelvim Escobar has found work with the New York Mets. His stuff and his talent makes him worth taking the chance, so my official word is that I like the signing.

But here is where, predictably, the Mets are going to get this wrong. Where most teams would give a guy who has pitched once in two major league seasons (plus one recent Venezuelan league stint) a minor league contract to try to make a team that is stocked with enough talent that if Escobar wouldn't make it, no harm no foul, the Mets no doubt will see him have a couple of halfway decent outings in spring training and say "Hey, let's make him Frankie's set-up man" or, "Hey, he's our number two starter!"

I fear that instead of Escobar being the first of many moves to back themselves up, Escobar is going to be given too much importance too soon and, when he gets hurt again, will leave the Mets with another huge gaping hole that they can't fill until it's too late. When the Mets got J.J. Putz, it was great but more moves needed to be made. They weren't. And Putz going down was something the Mets couldn't recover from (the club's handling of his injury didn't help either.)

You want to tell me that Escobar is "low risk/high reward", fine. I hated that term when it applied to Gary Sheffield ... because it's my belief that it never applied to Sheffield. Signing Sheffield is never, ever "low risk". I still hate that term, but I'll grant you that signing Escobar could portray this mythical "low risk/high reward" scenario. But that'll be true only if he's put in a position where losing him to yet another injury (and let's face it, his history doesn't look good here) isn't going to hurt them. Knowing the Mets and their recent history, I doubt that this is going to happen. The eyes of Omar and Snoop will no doubt be too big for their stomachs and Escobar, after a stellar April, will be given the keys to the kingdom, just as Livan Hernandez was at one time. Escobar will then promptly lose said keys in the needle disposal bin of the surgery room he'll be visiting, and the Mets will be lost along with those keys.

Tell me I'm wrong all you want. But it's gotta be proven to me.

Maybe This Is What The Mayans Meant

If the Mayan calendar holds true, and we're due for a fundamental change in 2012, maybe this was the first sign. Maybe the hints that Bud Selig is planning to retire after the 2012 season is the first hint that maybe the change that the Mayans meant was going to happen in major league baseball.

Sure, the Mayans had never heard of major league baseball, the World Series, or performance enhancing drugs. But perhaps the guy who filled out the calendar looked eerily like Armando Benitez, and maybe he just got up for a mental break and forgot to finish (sounds like Game 1 in 2000, doesn't it?) So perhaps you, the Met fan, have some real fundamental change to look forward to in 2012 and beyond.

Maybe the world is due for a change ... so much so that there will no longer be World Series games in November (don't hold your breath), or WBC games in March, or Chip Caray broadcasting games on TBS. Heck, that last thing has already happened, so maybe that fundamental change we all could use is seriously going to happen. Maybe the Mayans were truly ahead of their time.

Or maybe the guy filling out the calendar way back when looked eerily like Armando Benitez and he just forgot to finish after getting up for a piece of cake. Sounds like Game 1 in 2000, doesn't it?

Most likely, if this is a harbinger of serious Mayan change, then a series of cataclysmic events will precede it. You could say that the entire 2009 season was that series all rolled into one season, but that would be too easy. More likely, 2009 only counts as one event, just as 2007 and 2008 were singular events. And the events keep coming. Think about it: Wilson Valdez and Brian Schneider are now both members of the Philadelphia Phillies. They ranged from barely irrelevant to seriously overrated here ... but as Phillies? Schneider is destined to hit 12 HR's in a part time role in the Shoebox, while Valdez is bound by fate to be the one to officially knock the Mets out of the postseason conversation. Just as Pedro started the trend last season, Valdez will continue that tradition.

Or will it be Billy Wagner? Country time heading to the Braves certainly counts as a cataclysmic event. I mean, who saw this coming? Especially with the Braves having offered arbitration to Mike Gonzalez and Rafael Soriano ... they could have a three headed bullpen monster!

Not that it worked out so well in Flushing, mind you.

But Country Time as Cataclysmic Event lies in the fact that the Mets could have gotten those high draft picks by just holding on to Wagner and offering him arbitration, just as the Braves did. Instead, they traded him for 27-year-old Chris Carter (all he does is score touchdowns ... uh-oh) and let the Red Sox get those draft picks. But they saved $3 million which, after two of those million go to Alex Cora, will be spent on new uniforms that look like they need Tide, and a picture of Todd Pratt in the excelsior level. So I guess it all evens out.

And speaking of that bullpen monster, one of the heads that has been cut off might resurface in Philadelphia in the form of J.J. Putz. Ironically, cutting off Putz's head was the next course of action if the cortisone shot didn't work. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed and Putz was instead placed on the disabled list. But rest assured that a cortisone shot will not be on the menu for Putz in Philly. A cheesesteak? Maybe. The closer's job? If Brad Lidge cooperates, sure. And why not a game in September where Schneider hits a grand slam, Valdez gets a game winning hit, and Putz strikes out the side in the ninth to eliminate the Mets?

All foretold by the Mayans.

But maybe when it's all said and done, we'll live in a world where the Mets will acquire marginally iconic Philadelphia Phillies and steal their slogans as the Phillies brazenly did with Tug McGraw. Hey, we've got 33-year-old rookie turned 37-year-old Mendoza line hitter Chris Coste. Best case scenario, his inspirational story continues here, he gets a couple of big hits down the stretch, and John Kruk gets to write the forward to his second book.

Mets case scenario, he's cut in spring training because the club signs Bengie Molina, who will set fire to his hamstring in a freak pre-game ritual will be out for the season. And we'll indeed have to wait until 2012 for significant change in baseball, in Flushing, in life. But don't hold your breath.

Freakin' Mayans.

J.J., Not So Dynamite, Seeks 2010 Spinoff

"All I kept on hearing in the streets of New York when you go get bagels in the morning was, 'Omar, please address the bullpen.' Well, to all you Mets fans, we've addressed the bullpen." -Omar Minaya 12/11/2008

The only thing missing from that speech was a parachute and an aircraft carrier. And much like George Bush on the USS Abraham Lincoln, Omar Minaya at the Bellagio delivered a victory speech that doesn't seem so much like a victory a little under a year later, as J.J. Putz was granted his million dollar option and sent loose into the deep, dark world that is free agency. Of course, after being a 2009 Met, that's a world that doesn't seem so deep, or dark.

There are plenty of reasons to blast Omar Minaya. I don't feel this is one of them ... at least not for the trade itself. I realize how everyone feels about Endy Chavez. But let's face it, his last days as a Met were hardly productive as an everyday player. He was better in Seattle before tearing his ACL before missing the season.

And also ... Aaron Heilman. Need I say more?

The mistake in the trade more than likely was either not knowing the medical history, or ignoring it all together. Looking back, misdiagnosing injuries would be a theme of this team, so I'm not really surprised. The idea of the trade was good. Even the execution was good. But when the guy who's the lynchpin of the entire trade is made to pitch two more weeks than he should have with bone spurs, then of course a trade is going to look bad.

It also didn't help that Sean Green was either pitching on eight days rest or eight straight days all season ... and that Jeremy Reed, who came as a defensive wizard in the outfield, was inexplicably put at first base for reasons we'll never understand. He also never saw playing time on a team that had about fifty players injured ... again, for reasons we'll never understand.

You may say that it was a bad idea to have a closer pitch the eighth inning, citing that Putz had concerns about not having that "ninth inning adrenaline rush". But that was probably a cover for the injuries that he was forced to pitch through ... and of course he's going to do it because he's not an excuse guy. I'm not sure having a closer in the eighth is bad roster construction. Heck, there have been plenty of eighth inning guys who have been a disaster in the eighth inning.

Again ... Aaron Heilman.

So did it work out? No. But Chavez and Joe Smith didn't exactly work out either, so this whole experiment will probably be a wash. That is, of course, until Ezequiel Carrera gets called up and becomes Superman for Seattle (He had an on base percentage of .441 in AA West Tennessee last season ... for the record. So get back to me about this trade in three years.)

Gone Fishin'

Does J.J. Putz count as two injured players since he frayed an entirely different muscle?

Does Johan Santana count as two injured players because he's Johan Santana?

That means the Mets lost four players for the season in one day.

Awesome. You realize that along with Oliver Perez's latest injury (why isn't he shut down for the season?), the starting rotation right now is Mike Pelfrey, Nelson Figueroa, Pat Misch, Tim Redding, and Bobby Parnell. And the lineup consists of players that even Livan Hernandez could shut down ... and probably will now that he's a National again.

Football season can't get here fast enough.

Stand By Mets

At least they'll all be together now in Port St. Lucie as they find themselves, go down the train tracks to look at Victor Zambrano's dead career, and share recipes that involve Baconnaise. Oh to be young and injured.

(Featuring J.J. Putz as "Ace" ... head of the Cobras.)

The Best Trips Are Those Not Taken

I was going to be there this week.

Yup, Pittsburgh. It was on my calendar.

Thankfully, scheduling conflicts, booked up hotel rooms and most of all, general laziness kept me home for the Mets four game trip in Pittsburgh. So as down as I am about this team, the good news is that I could have been there to see it in person. Score one for laziness.

Because what would I have seen in Pittsburgh? J.J. Putz get hammered? Johan Santana getting no run support? Mike Pelfrey get hammered? J.J. Putz get hammered again? I could see all of that with a 20 minute train ride.

And a rainout to boot, which means that this baseball series, that the God you pray to has clearly forsaken, isn't going to end until July 2nd. A month long hell ride? Great. At least I wasn't there.

• Airplane tickets on Jet Blue: $80.
• Tickets to four games: $80.
• Four games worth of Primanti Brothers burgers: $30
• Scalped ticket to a Stanley Cup Final: $300
• Not spending any of that money and missing out on all the fun and misery of the Mets getting their carcasses beat like rented mules? Priceless.

(Y'all probably would have loved it if I was on that trip. If I had witnessed that mess personally, it might have produced the angriest, best, and probably last blog post ever on this site. I wouldn't have just died, I would have disintegrated right on the spot. Puff of white smoke so pronounced you'd have thought we had a new Pope. Carlos Beltran's post game rant? That would have looked like a Mother Goose rhyme compared to what you would have seen here.)

You know what else I would have seen? Jason Jaramillo drive home every single person on the LaRoche family tree. I believe Jaramillo's bat is on its way to Cooperstown after setting a record for driving in more family members in one game than anyone in history. It was fun listening to Gary Cohen: "Base hit for Jaramillo. Adam LaRoche scores ... Andy LaRoche scores ... Dave LaRoche scores ... Jennifer LaRoche scores ... they're waving around the crazy uncle who stuffs his bell peppers with chocolate mousse, and he'll score! And the Pirates take a 48-5 lead."

At least all this nonsense about adrenaline and roles and hand placement will stop as it looks more and more like it's a physical problem with Putz, as he's going back to New York to have his elbow checked out. That's not to say that it's a relief that he's injured, but at least he isn't going to be thrown out there anymore with a bone spur. As much as I had hoped that it was mechanical, it became increasingly clear to me that it wasn't. How it's clear to me and yet the team kept throwing him out there is, once again, amazing to me. Maybe the people that make the medical decisions were doing so on the basis of what they've seen on ER. Think about it: the show's run ends, and the Mets can't keep anyone healthy. Can we send them old episodes of Chicago Hope on DVD?

Great Half Truths In Battle

When Dan Warthen told J.J. Putz that his new hand placement would do the trick, who knew that it would be the greatest miscalculation since General Custer said "Look ... Over the hill ... I think they're friendly indians".

Sorry, that was Ed Norton.

J.J. Putz becomes the latest casualty to lie alongside his friends in the annals of great PNC Park meltdowns, as his awful eighth inning wasted three Wilson Valdez RBI's, which is simply shameful since he'll likely not drive in three runs the rest of his career. It happened on his second try as he attempted to get his Pirate disaster out of the way at home earlier this season, but they say that if at first you don't succeed, try try again. At least Putz has that "sticktoittiveness" (the sports world is famous for making up words.) And at least, as Putz and Snoop Manuel noted, he threw strikes.

Comforting, I know.

But don't worry, because Putz will get a mental break on Tuesday while the rest of us will no doubt endure another night of the emotional water torture known as Mets baseball. And more good news kids, as for the foreseeable future, Putz will only come in the game if the matchup is "extremely favorable". I know we're talking about the Pirates and Nationals, but to the best of my knowledge there are no seven-year-old girls on either roster. So Putz will probably be sharing some hostel space with Sean Green for a while.

The best news of the night though is this: at least any and all Bobby Parnell trade rumors ended tonight.

All I know is that the matchups had better get extremely favorable, extremely quick. Because Warthen is running out of places to put J.J.'s hands.

More Cortisone For Everyone

Ron Darling said tonight that with cortisone, you feel a numbness for about two days.

After getting swept by a Mannyless Dodger team, I think we can all use a little of that action.

How about more for J.J. Putz who, even though the first round of cortisone gave him his zip back, still can't get him a hold when it was sorely needed.

Or maybe more for Jose Reyes, who left the game after aggravating his calf injury. Now who knows how long he'll be out.

Or some for the new shortstop, Ramon Martinez ... because he couldn't do any worse playing while numb.

The one good thing to come out of Wednesday night's broom job was Daniel Murphy's initial first base foray, in which he looked more Keith than Kingman with a couple of sparklers in the field. Makes you wonder what took the braintrust so long to figure this one out. Now all Murph needs to do is start hitting like Keith and ...

and the Mets will still need a shortstop.

But at least the Mets and their fans will get one thing they need tomorrow: a day off.

***

Lisa from Subway Squawkers was kind enough to bring me more insanity from Steve Phillips as he tries to defend his stance on Carlos Beltran:

"While Beltran does have talent, I just don't see him as a winning player. Even after my comments on Sunday night, Beltran let a fly ball drop in between himself and Angel Pagan in the Dodger game."

Why let the fact that Pagan didn't have the good sense to get out of the way of the center fielder calling him off six times get in the way of validating Phillips' point, right?

"I see him putting up numbers but not making plays to win games. I would take Torii Hunter, Grady Sizemore, Curtis Granderson, and Nate McLouth over Beltran, and use the financial difference to improve the team in other ways. Beltran isn't a $17 million dollar a year player. He just doesn't have the kind of impact for that kind of money."

He's right, Carlos Beltran isn't a $17 million a year player. He's an $18.5 million a year player. Torii Hunter, so you know, is an $18 million a year player, with one more season on his contract than Beltran. Congratulations Steve, you saved -$16,500,000 on that one. Ponzi schemes have more financial security.

"Many people think that Alex Rodriguez is the best player in the game, but he's never won anything. I look at Beltran in a similar fashion as Rodriguez--a great talent that just doesn't seem to have what it takes to win championships. Maybe the Mets can keep him and add pieces to the core around him and still win. But when you're dealing with a budget and the screams of immediacy in New York, I'm not sure the Mets can wait to piece it together around him."

Why not? The Mets waited to piece it together around Tsuyoshi Shinjo? Yes! Let's get Shinjo back! S-H-IN-J-O and Shinjo was his NAME-O!!!!! YES!!!!!! SHINJO MAKES PLAYS TO WIN GAMES!!!!!!

Oh, and so does Steve Reed. Remember him?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put on my sunglasses, as the trophies from all those championships that Hunter, Sizemore, Granderson, and McLouth have won are starting to blind me.

***

On a serious, sad note, many condolences to Scott Schoeneweis and his family. Keep them in your prayers tonight.

Our Crumbling House

So with J.J. Putz developing a bone spur and fixing to be out for a couple of games, and Carlos Delgado perhaps being out anywhere from this weekend to ... forever, this is going to really test Omar Minaya's ability to put together a 25-man roster.

So who's scared?

When Delgado was day-to-day, I was against putting Daniel Murphy at first base. If you're going to have Murph play there all season, then give him every opportunity to learn the position. But if we're talking months for Delgado? Then by all means put Murphy at first, Tatis in left, Church in right, and have Sheffield as your bench pop (not your cleanup hitter/regular left fielder as he seems to be now ... seems that someone is thinking it's 1999, and not 2009.)

But whatever you do the fact remains, this team is thin. Delgado is out with his bone spur in his hip (can we put him on the DL already), Putz is out with a bone spur (at least now there's a reason for his struggles) and even Reyes missed Thursday's game with a bone spur he developed in his brain on Wednesday. The Mets call it a "tight calf", but come on, that could be another created injury which is code for "we're benching you because of a foggy brain but we're not going to embarrass you" (with the discovery of new injuries left and right, I think we're talking Nobel Prize in inventive medicine for the training staff.)

Thankfully, the Mets were able to survive Bobby Parnell's shaky foray into the eighth inning (albeit while being dinked and dunked), and Sheffield was able to survive stealing third base (seriously, he's old ... every stolen base could be his last act in baseball) with three runs in the ninth and a 7-4 win against the Giants. I don't know what lucky shamrock Carlos Beltran is carrying, but once again he stole third in more ways than one setting up the go ahead run in the ninth (Larry Jones is currently petitioning the league office for more competent baseball gods), driven in by David Wright who, apparently, just needed to get away from New York for a while as he not only drove in the winner but stole four bases.

Good catches by both announcers tonight. Gary Cohen, for noting that the Mets set a team record for most steals in a game without Reyes. And by Keith Hernandez who, while discussing a mutual sponsor of the Mets and Giants noted: "Speaking of sponsors, Fran Healy was the catcher in that old Willie Mays highlight."

Thank you Keith, for reminding us how much Fran Healy loved sponsors, and how amazing it is that I didn't throw paperweights through the television set while Healy was pitching Cheez Doodles and Optimo Cigars for all those years.

Hey, where's Oliver?

Seems that rehab took a sad turn as Oliver Perez was eliminated from American Idol on Thursday night.

A Living Dance Upon Dead Minds

So it's the bottom of the seventh on Wednesday afternoon, one man out, Jose Reyes on second, and Luis Castillo grounds one in the hole at short. Reyes tries to take third base on the play.

Jose Reyes ... of all people ... should know better than to try something that dumb. Reyes has made that play on baserunners tens of hundreds of times. Besides, you learn this in little league, that you don't advance when the play's in front of you. So why on Earth would Jose do this? I mean, people wonder why we get frustrated with the Mets. All the talent in the world, but sorry ... this team has a low baseball IQ. Has had a low baseball IQ for a while.

And it's starting to rub off on the fans. Look, I know it was a weekday afternoon game and there's a lot of kids in the crowd. And I'm not blaming the kids. But in the eighth inning, immediately after Kelly Johnson put the Braves in the lead off of J.J. Putz, what's the first thing that happens in the crowd? You guessed it ... an attempt from left field to do the wave.

Are you kidding me? "Hey, we just got our hearts ripped out. Let's do the wave!" C'mon. How can we expect our team to play smart when our camp counselors are teaching young fans bad habits like the wave? This must stop, now.

***

Ask yourself this, when was the last time you were watching a Mets game and thought "wow, that's a heady play", and the subject wasn't Alex Cora?

But is it stupidity? Or is it something else?

You know how a pitcher throws 98, and he solely relies on that, even when 98 becomes 92? His coaches constantly hammer him to change speeds and play smart, but he still wants to blow everyone away?

Now Reyes is fast. Hasn't lost a step like our fictional pitcher. But does Reyes think he can beat everything out just because he's fast? Does he think, "Aah, if Yunel gets it I'm still fast enough to beat it out or discourage a throw"? If that's the case, that's carelessness and it's a lack of attention to detail. Escobar's a good shortstop, but it's not like you've got Fluff Castro running ... it was Luis Castillo. It would have been a near impossible play to get Castillo from the hole if Reyes had held. And then if he would have wanted to advance after the throw (like he's done), fine.

Instead, Reyes gave Escobar the Get Out of Jail Free card because of a combination of arrogance, and a lack of brainpower. And this is why the Mets can't get out of their own way. In games like Wednesday's game, where it goes back and forth and is decided in extra innings, it's little things like a stupid baserunning play and other mistakes that you can avoid by merely thinking that can cost you five or six games which, near the top of the N.L. East, is all it takes.

(Not to mention the physical errors, such as David Wright jumping out of the way of a ground ball that went through his legs. How does this happen, exactly?)

***

And speaking of "How does this happen", I missed Gary Sheffield's game tying home run in the eighth. Why? I was buying ice cream. Okay, it happens.

Now, check the helmet that I bought the ice cream in:


If you said "Hey wait a minute, that's an interlocking NY painted over the Final Season at Shea logo", give yourself a big round of applause. Then laugh.

Then cry.

Seriously? A paint job over a plastic cup? Was it sponsored by Spongetech? I give up. Instead of harping on that, let's see how rehab is going and play "Where's Oliver?"

Today, Perez found a good way to stay in shape as he landed a part in the local production of "Billy Elliot the Musical." His habit of leaping over the foul line made him a natural fit for the part. Unfortunately, on the very leap you see above, Perez aggravated his patella tendon and will miss an additional two weeks.

***

Oh and a word of advice to Snoop Manuel since the team is on its way to the west coast: If the phone should happen to ring at 3AM, and you didn't order room service ... just let it ring.

Pirate Focus

It only seems that the Mets have been horrid against the Pirates over the last four years. They haven't ... going 16-12 from 2005-2008. But among the 12 there always seemed to be a Tike Redman, a Ronny Paulino, or a Steve Pearce that make one loss carry enough heartache for two or three.

The common thread with those losses and tonight might have been weaved as, for a short while in the ninth on Friday, it looked like J.J. Putz (with help from the omni-present former hockey player and current ground covering outfielder Nyjer Morgan) was going to add to that list of horrific losses that make me want to pour boric acid down my eye sockets.

But Putz got it together and saved (though only figuratively ... not in the stat line) Bobby Parnell his first major league win, and thus kept the Mets win streak alive at five. Make no mistake. This is no ordinary win. Because sure the Mets beat the Braves and Phillies four straight. But in the last two seasons ... especially last year ... it wasn't really about the Braves or the Phillies. it's been about the Pirates. And the Nationals. And the Marlins. And teams that the Mets always beat on paper but not where it counts, and not in the moments that count.

It would have been easy for the Mets to attempt to mail this one in and be all proud of themselves for winning four in a row against their mortal enemies. Instead, the Mets did all we could ask of them against your run of the mill regular opponent which is pitch well (welcome back to the show, Jon Niese), score some runs late (thanks to Carlos Beltran's cue shot and Carlos Delgado going all Dae Sung Koo on Sean Burnett), and only partially collapse in the bullpen (and not completely like some seasons we aren't going to mention here).

I don't think it's asking a lot.

Passing The Savings On To Bill Welke

Four saves in four days? Heck, last season's Mets couldn't get four saves in four weeks. Surprising since I fully expected J.J. Putz to get the call tonight after he got the rest on Wednesday night. So Frankie Rodriguez? Money well spent indeed as he finished off a two game sweep of the Phillies on Thursday.

But really, it's five saves in four days as Frankie not only saved four games, but he also saved Bill Welke from well deserved scorn. I mean, can someone explain to me how Jose Reyes gets obstruction called on him for being elbowed in the ribs by Shane Victorino, who went out of his way to find him like he was Mark Gastineau chasing Brian Sipe?

And I don't want to hear about how smart and crafty Shane Victorino is. He's a baseball war criminal, and needs to have one put in his ribs for that next time, whether the media agrees with it or not. And if the Mets are not allowed to read the tabloids anymore, then who cares what they say anyway ... Good Vibes! Hey, If Larry Andersen can call for Jose Reyes' head, I can call for Victorino's ribs. Would anybody else on the Phillies have tried that besides the Flyin' Hawaiian? Maybe there should be a rule put in place named after him like a certain hockey player had for him.

Welke? Awful. And that's not even taking into account the blown call on the double play earlier in the game. That Jayson Werth home run should have never happened, and Frankie probably should have never been in the game. But because Welke fell for Victorino's "crafty play" (somehow I figure that Angel Hernandez taught him everything he knows), Rodriguez had to make yet another appearance, successful though it might have been. The ironic part is that Snoop Manuel hitting Welke with the bill of his cap while arguing the play will get more attention from the commissioner's office than Victorino's elbow. Oh well, it'll be one or two less late inning Omir Santos substitutions we'll have to dissect.

Instead let's dissect good things, like four saves in four nights, Mike Pelfrey's good outing, and home runs at the new spacious home by the three players who need to get (or keep) going, Beltran, Wright, and Reyes off of Jamie Moyer, who is finally listening to what his mother most assuredly told him at some point and is acting his age. Complain if you will about no production against the bullpen, but again, the game should have never been that close.

And did I mention that Victorino needs a baseball in his ribs?

Conversations With Oliver

Pregame:

OP: Hi guys.

JJ: Who the hell are you?

OP: I'm Oliver ... remember?

JJ: Oh yeah. Well what are you doing here?

OP: I'm your new bullpen buddy.

PF: Yeah J.J., Ollie's joining us.

JJ: Oh. Well don't eat my sunflower seeds.

First inning:

OP: J.J.?

JJ: What?

OP: Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

JJ: What??!?

OP: I was just wondering. I have a lot of time to think out here.

JJ: What's the matter with you?

Second inning:

JJ: Come on Johnny, get it over the plate.

OP: Why does he get to stay in the rotation with all these walks ... sigh. I wish they would send Johnny here with me. I need a friend.

SG: Oliver why are you so mopey?

OP: I'm bored and I'm not used to you people.

JJ: You people?

Fourth inning:

OP: J.J.?

JJ: Yes?

OP: What's the meaning of life?

JJ: You serious?

OP: Yeah. There's a lot of time to ponder things like that here. I just want to understand why I've been sent here.

JJ: The meaning of life is to work quick and throw strikes. It's simple.

OP: Huh?

JJ: No wonder you're here.

Fifth inning:

OP: J.J.?

JJ: What?

OP: If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

JJ: No.

OP: But when I give up a home run it always seems to travel to the center of the earth.

JJ: (Sigh)

Sixth inning:

OP: Dude, wanna play cards?

JJ: Oliver, I'm trying to watch the game.

OP: But I'm bored. Maybe Sean will play with me.

JJ: Get up Carlos! Get up ... Yeah baby! 3-2!!!

SG: Dude he crushed that.

BP: Nice shot Carlos!

OP: My knee hurts.

SG: Which one?

OP: Ummm (looks down), this one?

JJ: Oliver that's your oblique muscle.

OP: What's an oblique? Is that like a triangle? Oh no, that's obtuse.

JJ: It certainly is.

Seventh inning:

OP: Pedro, wanna play cards?

PF: Dude I gotta warm up.

OP: What about you, Sean?

SG: I gotta warm up too.

OP: Why is everyone leaving me? Was it something I said?

JJ: (Grumbles)

OP: J.J.?

JJ: What??!?!?!??

OP: Now that Carlos Beltran has two home runs does that mean he's playing meaner?

JJ: Oliver, I don't know what you're talking about.

OP: J.J.?

JJ: Yes?

OP: What happens to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?

JJ: It leaves the park and you get taken out of the game.

OP: Oh.

OP: J.J.?

JJ: Yes?

OP: How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

JJ: If you were in the rotation, you would have been assassinated. Out here, you'll just get murdered.

OP: J.J.?

JJ: Oh for the love of all that is holy ...

OP: If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

JJ: That's it. I'm leaving. (Grabs bullpen phone) Jerry? You have to get me in this game. I can't deal with this guy anymore out here.

Eighth inning:

OP: I'm lonely. Everyone has left me. Frankie? Frankie?

FR: Oliver! Oliver!!! LOOK OUT!!!

(Chipper's home run off J.J. Putz lands in the bullpen, inches away from Perez.)

JJ: Dammit! Why the hell do they call him Donkey Kong??? Oliver, I'm going to kill ... er, assassinate ... umm, murder ... dammit!

The Chan Ho Experience

It's always nice to beat the Philadelphia Phillies. But I'll be honest with you: If the Mets didn't do what they did to Chan Ho Park tonight, I would have gone on this space and called for the decertification of the Mets franchise. I would have lobbied the family of Chub Feeney to get that done.

Friday night was one that they had to have, and should have had. Thankfully, they didn't play down to the level of competition (translated: they didn't turn Chan Ho Park into Greg Maddux) and they indeed got that 7-4 win Friday night.

(As much as Mets fans and Phillies fans are blood enemies, fans of both teams will walk arm in arm on one fact: and that's the fact that Chan Ho Park stinks no matter what side of the rivalry he's on. I mean, Mike Pelfrey almost hit a homer off him.)

And I humbly pass along my title as soothsayer to Bobby O, who predicted before the game that Pedro Feliciano would be the deciding factor. He certainly was as important as anyone, as he pitched 1 2/3's innings facing the hard lefties and the somewhat difficult righties and minimized the damage in the sixth and seventh innings. Sure, one may point out that he did give up a dinger to Chase Utley and that he received a gift when Greg Dobbs ran the bases as if his eyes were bigger than his stomach. But last year, Pedro wasn't getting anyone out in that situation. He did what he had to do, which was get the ball to Putz (I love him more today than yesterday ... but hopefully not as much as tomorrow) and Frankie.

I don't know what to expect from Oliver Perez tomorrow. Well no, I take that back. I fully expect he's going to pitch like garbage. But it seems that whenever I have a strong feeling that way no matter who the pitcher, he comes up huge. And Perez does pitch well against the Phillies, so I'm all for Ollie staying in the rotation tomorrow. He absolutely can come up huge. I don't expect it, but that's why it could happen.

And by the way, Gary Sheffield will most likely be in the lineup tomorrow against Jamie Moyer. Lifetime, he's hitting .481 (13 for 27) with four home runs. So I expect success. But that's why an 0-for-4 will most likely happen.

Warm And Fuzzy

As long as the Mets are going to lose, they might as well lose in a way that makes Met fans more comfortable. When the Mets lose because of bad starting pitching, or a lack of hitting with runners in alleged scoring position, it's frustrating because we, as Met fans, are not used to that. We're freaking out like animals that know a storm is coming ... we're under the bed snapping at people when they're trying to give us food.

But when the Mets lose because the bullpen blows a Johan Santana start ... well, we've grown quite accustomed to that. We sleep like babies, which means we wake up screaming every two hours but again, it's comfortable and familiar like an old blanket or our softball mitt. I can deal with that. I'm used to that.

I will say that as a first guess, I had the thought of walking Cody Ross with first base open to pitch to Alfredo Amezaga. Ross is a Keebler Elf, but he's a dangerous hitter. Maybe Snoop didn't want to put too many men on base ... maybe he felt that throwing four intentional balls after throwing a bunch of unintentional balls (losing Jorge Cantu after going 1-2 on him was deadly) wasn't the best way to get J.J. Putz back on track. I don't know, but I would have thought about walking Ross.

But I can't get crazy over that because Putz made his own bed today with the walks (an alternate title to today's entry would be "Thunderstunk", but I'll save that for a later blown save ... especially after I just found out that a derivative has been used today ... boy that would have been embarrassing) and deserved to lose. But I would like to ask this of Snoop: Why in the world would you bother pinch hitting Omir Santos, your other catcher, for Fluff Castro with the bases loaded and two down in the ninth? You had Fluff in mothballs for three days, he gets two hits today, and with the bases loaded you sit him down? Wasn't Castro a guy who was considered to have enough pop in his bat where you would carry three catchers so Fluff could come off the bench? And now you're pinch hitting your other catcher for him in a situation where a base hit might only bring home one run? Then you've burned your catchers for extra innings.

It was redundant overmanaging if you ask me ... and I'm sure it was done in deference to Snoop's man-crush on Santos. But Snoop's testing the cult factor. You know that going to the well again for some bases-loaded magic so soon after Santos' grannie on Monday was tempting fate. It's like when Richie Cunningham was the hero for his basketball team one week, and then he was expected to do it again in the championship game after he became "Lucious Legs" and he missed the free throw? Remember that episode? You knew he wasn't going to be the hero two games in a row, just like you knew that Omir Santos wasn't going to get a pie in the face twice in the same series. Manuel tried to be too cute on that one.

Perhaps he offered Santos a Life Saver after the game.

***

Random fact: The Mets are now 0-2 in their last two Weather Education Days, hosted by Mr. G and WPIX. This clearly means that it's time to stop this promotion. Wanna learn about the weather? Stick your head out the window.

Instead for you kids, it'll be Mets Chant Education Day, hosted by me. Lesson one: It's Lets-Go-Mets-(pause)-Lets-Go-Mets-(pause)-Lets-Go-Mets-(pause). Not: Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap)-Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap)-Let's-Go-Me-ets-(clap, clap, clapclapclap).

Because it's all about the kids.

***

By the way, because I know you're all curious ... Shake Shack? Aarrgrhrghrghrgrhgrhrghrgrh (drools). Burgers are heaven on a bun. Fries are excellent, and the black and white shake is quite tasty. The line takes 25 minutes (I timed it), but hey, get there early. I myself am glad I finally had the patience to wait in line.

But here's another take on Citi Field from Steve Somers ... and modified by a commenter you all know as "Metmaster". Wonder what you think (what you are about to read is the modification):

"Listening to Steve Somers on the FAN, I have come to the same conclusion re: Citi Field. He suggests that the Mets as a team might not like their new digs. I wholeheartedly agree. Generally good for the fan experience, but a bad fit for this Mets team. It is a place for line drive, slap hitters. Whitey Herzog would love it. The Mets are big swingers and the park is a grave yard for them. A couple of Marlins, according to Somers, commented before the game that the place is beautiful, but they would not want to play 81 games there. In their mania to make it Ebbets Field II the Wilpons created a hostile theme park for their team. They will never sign another power hitting free agent. Could April have been any worse?!"

Interesting. What this means of course is that Ryan Church and Bobby Parnell will be traded for Juan Pierre so he can play right, and Willie McGee, who is only a year older than Julio Franco, will return to baseball so he can play left field. It's inevitable.

(blogger wakes up screaming)

Blueprint

Seeing Livan Hernandez and Dave Bush go at it Friday night was like watching slow pitch softball with their 60 mph dipsy doos and their fastballs that would make Reid Cornelius laugh. Saturday was fast pitch. And then faster pitch, as Johan Santana and Yovani Gallardo matched each other pitch for pitch, K for K.

The difference today, as was the difference last season, as the Mets hope will be the difference in a different way this season, was the bullpen, as Putz and Frankie out-foxed Carlos Villanueva out of the bullpen, albeit barely as the Mets scored their only run on a walk, and error, and a fielders choice. Put it all together, you have the first 1-0 Mets win since Paul LoDuca had to be convinced that Wyoming wasn't a country.

The blueprint for Mets success so far, at least when Santana on the mound, is working. When Johan starts, he gets the game to the brand new bullpen and the machine hums like a Harley. When anyone else starts, the vehicle is more like a Wild Wacky Action Bike. (Almost impossible to steer, and on certain nights when David Wright drinks a little too much Vitamin Water, glows in the dark.)

Now, the Mets have their foots on the necks of the Brewers, poised to sweep. It was frequently an issue for the Willie Randolph Mets to put the clamps down on a sweep game. Maybe now that the Mets are against Willie they'll put the hammer down, especially going against a pitcher who's 0-2 with a 12.91 ERA. However, that pitcher's name is Jeff Suppan, so maybe he's just saving the most gratifying win of his career for Sunday.

Bullpen Is Not Pigpen

Just like you can't go crazy about Derek Lowe pitching shutout ball over eight innings the day after Oliver Perez imploded against the Red Sox in a preseason game (which I really tried not to do), one victory against the Reds isn't going to make or break the season.

But it sure does make you feel warm and fuzzy doesn't it?

It makes you feel warm and fuzzy because it's Opening Day. And because four years ago Braden Looper blew one in Cincinnati that caused cancer in lab rats. And because last season, a 2-1 lead that Johan Santana left in the sixth inning would have resulted in a conga line of people coming up to you and kicking you in the groinal region (Aaron Heilman, Luis Ayala, Doug Sisk, Gene Walter, your Uncle Mortimer, etc.)

But thankfully, at least for one game, Omar's famous quote of "We've addressed the bullpen" was more "tear down this wall" and less "mission accomplished", as Sean Green, J.J. Putz, and Frankie Rodriguez gave Met fans some real hope that they could prove the difference this season. Early on, this bullpen is going to be tested, as Snoop Manuel isn't going to take a chance early in the season on rainy days with Santana. And he might not have the luxury of extending guys like Oliver Perez and John Maine. So Bullpen 2.0 is going to have plenty of chances to prove just what kind of upgrade it is from that 24 bit bullpen that made New York home last year.

Omar Minaya gets a point for this one, as all his big acquisitions over the last two off-seasons chipped in for this one. For Minaya, the mission is accomplished ... for one day.

A Common Thread

Apparently, J.J. Putz left yesterday's game against Baltimore because of an irritated nail.

I wouldn't worry about this. Aaron Heilman used to leave games all the time with an irritated fan base. Somehow, he never missed any time because of it.

Speaking of fools, I've been on the computer now for about an hour, and I have not been in contact with any worms. And it's the last thing you need to worry about too. Think about it, if someone was going to infect our computers with a worm, you think they would announce it in advance?

On April 1st???

No. What I think you need to worry about is somebody telling you that Omar Minaya went and signed Gary Sheffield, or traded David Wright for Michael Bourn, or that Sports Illustrated went and predicted that the Mets would win the World Series.

Oh well. In any event, happy April 1st from your eternal April Fool, Metstradamus.