Jake And The Bat Man

I guess it was unreasonable to designate Mike Jacobs for assignment immediately after flying out against a middle infielder during last night's "Ulti-Met Classic" (maybe only for the pitchers). But apparently the Mets and I are on the same wavelength (and if that doesn't scare the hell out of you, then I don't know what will) as Jacobs has been designated for assignment. That assignment: learn how to raise his batting average against middle infielders (or: BAAM!).

Tobi Stoner gets the call as he'll probably be called on for extensive duty out of the pen with just about everyone needing a rest (Tom Gorman's arm got tired just watching that game.) Perhaps Snoop is comfortable with Alex Cora backing up Fernando Tatis at first base after Cora's dive into the stands last night (and if that doesn't scare the hell out of you, then I truly don't know what will). Or perhaps ...

Perhaps after Stoner returns to Buffalo there will be a spot for the Animal, Chris Carter ... especially if the Mets still want to be cautious with Ike Davis, which I would have no problem with. To me, Carter's presence on the roster allows you to treat Davis with kid gloves. We know Ike's time is coming. He deserves every chance to be prepared so when he does hit the majors, he hits the majors to stay.

And Carter deserves a chance to be a Met. Tomorrow. Make it happen.

Indefensible

I don't know why Fernando Tatis is on this team.

I think he's finished.

If I became the GM of the Mets, move one is to present Tatis with a gold watch and a donation to his church (not Ryan Church), and send him on his merry way.

All of that said, I would still rather have Tatis in the hole to pinch hit against Manny Corpas than to inexplicably have him pinch run for Mike Jacobs as the winning run.

I'm not one to dissect in-game moves a whole bunch, and I know it didn't have a whole lot to do with the outcome of the game. But if somebody can tell me what Gangsta was thinking on this one, I'd love to for you to tell me. Is Tatis that much faster than Jacobs to justify wasting his bat off the bench to pinch run for Jacobs, and forcing Alex Cora to bat against Randy Flores? And why did Snoop wait until the count was 2-2 on Rod Barajas to make that change? Did he just watch Rocky II where Mickey waited until the 15th round to switch Balboa back to southpaw?

Worst case scenario: Cora is announced as the pinch hitter for Ryota Igarashi, Jim Tracy brings in Flores to face Cora, Tatis pinch hits for Cora, Flores intentionally walks Tatis, and Corporal faces Flores or whatever righty Tracy wants to bring in with the bases loaded. And you still leave Jacobs in the game because all the lefties have been burned with Franklin Morales having been used.

Or hell, Tatis doesn't even have to pinch hit for Cora, as Cora is actually a decent hitter against lefties (.273 lifetime, .292 in 2009). But why back yourself into that corner? Why not give yourself options? Why expose your queen when your rooks are still in play?

(Editor's note: I suck at chess, so that analogy probably made no sense to you chess aficionados. I apologize in advance.)

Instead, Snoop tries to gain three tenths of a second by pinch running Tatis, and Alex Cora lines out meekly to second base, and the Mets lose because Jenrry Mejia hyperventilates at his first close game situation and gives up a tenth inning bomb to Chris Ianetta. Oh, and a late inning comeback goes down the drain as the Mets fall to 2-6. Yeah, that worked out well.

A Fine Day For A Dog And An Underdog

Yes Virginia, you can take your disguises off your dog. No longer will your dog, your neighbor, your friends and loved ones need to wear disguises in public. It's 2010, so you can proudly wear your Mets gear in public again. And many people sure as hell did at Opening Day.

I miss Opening Day. I miss being there. Used to be that I'd go every season, or almost every season. 2010 marked the first time I'd been at the opener in nine seasons, and obviously my first one at Citi Field. I'll say this for the new barn, it's certainly been Metsmerized.


Yes, of all the new banners hanging outside the place, George Foster made the cut ... probably the only recognition of those late 70's/early 80's unis you'll see. But the fact that you see it shows you that on some level, the Mets care a little more about your fan experience than they used to.

Oh, and the blue paint on the stairwells helped too. Makes you wonder what was so hard about thinking of all this (along with the official dedication of the Adam Dunn Bridge, which is now the William Shea Bridge) last year. But hey, late really is better than never.

But back to Opening Day, I miss it. You know what I miss the most? I miss the fact that only on Opening Day can you hear the fans' visceral reaction that has been pent up since the beginning of October. For example, if you're the Mets' physical therapist, you can live 364 days of the year in anonymity. But on Opening Day, there's nowhere to hide. You've gotta toe the line like the rest of 'em and hear what the fans really think of you. In most places, fans may forget about all the injuries, but not here. Here, in Flushing, the physical therapist gets booed with an intensity only surpassed by the boos that Oliver Perez received.


What, you thought we forgot about last season? Nope, not until that first pitch was thrown for a strike by Johan Santana. After that, it was all good. And you knew it would be with Santana throwing darts for six innings and David Wright finally figuring out which part of the ballpark he needed to aim at for maximum production, or as Gary Cohen called it: "Utley's Corner" (why Gary, why?), Jason Bay pulled a Rock of the Westies and debuted at the top of his game, and the Marlins failing to navigate a harsh wind that made the field look like a National Geographic special on the mating habits of hot dog wrappers and other assorted garbage. Poor Frenchy looked like he was in a scene from District 9 in the Mo's Zone, which is probably a valley of dustmites by now. Hell I got hit with windblown beer and a half full bag of pretzels. I thought Alex Cora was going to blow away.

(Editor's note: On this beautiful Monday, I learned that left field can be just as much a sun field as right field ... but only on one side of your face. Must be that creative geometry Dave Howard talks about all the time. Only having red around one eye makes a sunbathing fan look like "Phantom of the Ballpark". So buyer beware, and bring some sunblock.)

Obligatory analysis of Snoop Manuel, the bad: How do you have your star free agent acquisition bat behind a guy who wasn't even a lock to make the roster a week ago (Mike Jacobs)? That'll be a disaster at some point. The good (at least for this game): Leaving Fernando Nieve in for the eighth inning after pitching a very good seventh inning. Somehow, I don't think Snoop is sold on Ryota Igarashi for the eighth inning ... at least not an eighth inning during a Johan start. No, not the time you want to debut a guy who struggled during the spring. So well played on that one, Snoop. But as the physical therapist learned, you can't hide forever.

So the underdog version of the Mets are 1-0, and tied for first place. But for this team, Opening Day is merely the ascension of the roller coaster. Wednesday night is Non-Johan Opening Day, so hold on to your hats.

The ride begins.

If We Die, We Die

So what if the middle of the rotation is made up of question marks and silly putty.

So what if the bullpen wasn't cemented until the last spring training game.

So what if Mike Jacobs, who wasn't a lock for the Opening Day roster a week ago is now the cleanup hitter.

So what if Jenrry Mejia is merely the latest prospect rushed through the system despite the decree that things were going to be different 'round here.

So what if outside of Jason Bay the team is still same ol' same ol'.

So what if Snoop Manuel is still the manager.

So what if Omar Minaya is still the GM.

So what if the Wilpons still grip this team like a vice drenched in flop sweat and shame.

Baseball season is here.

And here's how I look at it: Unless the top-level talent performs above and beyond their best performances so as to cover up the mistakes of the rest of the rosters ... unless the newfound clubhouse chemistry really makes the difference between winning and losing ... unless Oliver Perez forgets he's Oliver Perez ... it's most likely going to be a tough grind of a season. I emphasize "most likely" because anything can happen. We learned this last season.

But why stress? Why worry about all that now? It's Opening Day. The Mets are tied for first. They're serving lasagna bolognese at Citi Field. Life is good.

As far as the season goes, I believe it was Alex Cora who told Dustin Pedroia the following when Pedroia was experiencing some flight fright:

"If we die, we die."

Most likely, this season will have casualties. Maybe Minaya. Maybe Manuel. Maybe both. Maybe our collective sanity. Who knows? But make no mistake: The lowered expectations that this team has will make all the bitching, moaning, and complaining fun again.

There will be bitching.

There will be moaning.

There will be complaining.

That's all I can guarantee for 2010. Win total? I had 91 last season and was only off by about twenty. So I'm staying away from picking a number. Instead, I'm going all Range Game and saying that this team could go anywhere from 78-86 wins. I'm counting on a full season from Jose Reyes, a bounce back season from David Wright, a nice season from Jason Bay, and Johan Santana being the 2008 Johan Santana.

I'm not counting on Oliver Perez doing anything. I'm not counting on Jenrry Mejia to fool hitters past a month. I'm not counting on Sean Green to turn into Chad Bradford.

Everything else, I can only hope for. I hope Jeff Francoeur keeps smiling, keeps hitting, and keeps his K's to a minimum. I hope Mike Jacobs can return to the production of his Florida days. I hope that Carlos Beltran's return means something more than a two month audition for a playoff team that plays somewhere other than Flushing. I'm hoping Ike Davis and Fernando Martinez tear up Buffalo until September. I'm hoping that Bobby Parnell learns a cutter. I'm hoping Ryota Igarashi puts spring behind him. I'm hoping Mike Pelfrey bounces back like I think he will. I'm hoping Hisanori Takahashi is nothing like Ken Takahashi. I'm hoping John Maine keeps his puking to a minimum. I'm hoping Jon Niese grows up. I'm hoping Angel Pagan remembers how to get from first to home. I'm hoping Gary Matthews Jr. is slightly more than adequate. I'm hoping Frank Catalanotto was as good an idea now as he would have been five years ago. I'm hoping Pedro Feliciano continues to strike out Ryan Howard and Chase Utley with regularity. I'm hoping Frankie Rodriguez doesn't give up another grand slam to Justin Maxwell. I hope we see Chris Carter. I hope we see Daniel Murphy. I hope Rod Barajas and Henry Blanco are as defensively able as advertised. I hope those two knock some sense into the pitching staff.

Yes, I have a lot of hope this season.

But if we die, we die. As long as we die big.

And if we die, I hope somebody brings punch to the Apology Day party I'm throwing.

You've Got Questions, I Just Have More Questions

If Alex Cora was worth every penny of the $2.5 million the Mets paid him to be Jose Reyes insurance, then why would the Mets consider acquiring Cristian Guzman when it's time to cash in on the insurance policy?

Did Omar Minaya wake up and realize "Holy %$@#, we've gotta play Alex Cora every day!!!"

That's it, Rafael Santana's coming to camp to teach Ike Davis to play shortstop. Snoop loves the versatility anyway, so it works out.

And how is it that from January until know, I've completely forgotten that Josh Fogg was on the team?

Oh that's right, I remember now. He tried to slay a dragon and tweaked his side.

All other questions that I can't answer myself have been directed to your leader in WilVlog 3.0. Enjoy:



The Mascots just get angrier and angrier.

Turning A Lemon Into A Sponsorship

You know what struck me about Saturday's game?

Not the nine run 7th inning which featured four home runs ... though that was cool.

Not Oliver Perez's four hitless innings ... that was just plain mind-blowing (yet strangely typical of Oliver's inconsistency).

No, it's that the newly created shortstop battle between Alex Cora and Ruben Tejada has a sponsor. Seriously. "This battle for shortstop is sponsored by the new movie The Bounty Hunter" is what was read during the television broadcast with the accompanying graphic.

Leave it to the Mets to turn a season changing injury into a profit. It's strangely admirable.

Maybe This Is What The Mayans Meant

If the Mayan calendar holds true, and we're due for a fundamental change in 2012, maybe this was the first sign. Maybe the hints that Bud Selig is planning to retire after the 2012 season is the first hint that maybe the change that the Mayans meant was going to happen in major league baseball.

Sure, the Mayans had never heard of major league baseball, the World Series, or performance enhancing drugs. But perhaps the guy who filled out the calendar looked eerily like Armando Benitez, and maybe he just got up for a mental break and forgot to finish (sounds like Game 1 in 2000, doesn't it?) So perhaps you, the Met fan, have some real fundamental change to look forward to in 2012 and beyond.

Maybe the world is due for a change ... so much so that there will no longer be World Series games in November (don't hold your breath), or WBC games in March, or Chip Caray broadcasting games on TBS. Heck, that last thing has already happened, so maybe that fundamental change we all could use is seriously going to happen. Maybe the Mayans were truly ahead of their time.

Or maybe the guy filling out the calendar way back when looked eerily like Armando Benitez and he just forgot to finish after getting up for a piece of cake. Sounds like Game 1 in 2000, doesn't it?

Most likely, if this is a harbinger of serious Mayan change, then a series of cataclysmic events will precede it. You could say that the entire 2009 season was that series all rolled into one season, but that would be too easy. More likely, 2009 only counts as one event, just as 2007 and 2008 were singular events. And the events keep coming. Think about it: Wilson Valdez and Brian Schneider are now both members of the Philadelphia Phillies. They ranged from barely irrelevant to seriously overrated here ... but as Phillies? Schneider is destined to hit 12 HR's in a part time role in the Shoebox, while Valdez is bound by fate to be the one to officially knock the Mets out of the postseason conversation. Just as Pedro started the trend last season, Valdez will continue that tradition.

Or will it be Billy Wagner? Country time heading to the Braves certainly counts as a cataclysmic event. I mean, who saw this coming? Especially with the Braves having offered arbitration to Mike Gonzalez and Rafael Soriano ... they could have a three headed bullpen monster!

Not that it worked out so well in Flushing, mind you.

But Country Time as Cataclysmic Event lies in the fact that the Mets could have gotten those high draft picks by just holding on to Wagner and offering him arbitration, just as the Braves did. Instead, they traded him for 27-year-old Chris Carter (all he does is score touchdowns ... uh-oh) and let the Red Sox get those draft picks. But they saved $3 million which, after two of those million go to Alex Cora, will be spent on new uniforms that look like they need Tide, and a picture of Todd Pratt in the excelsior level. So I guess it all evens out.

And speaking of that bullpen monster, one of the heads that has been cut off might resurface in Philadelphia in the form of J.J. Putz. Ironically, cutting off Putz's head was the next course of action if the cortisone shot didn't work. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed and Putz was instead placed on the disabled list. But rest assured that a cortisone shot will not be on the menu for Putz in Philly. A cheesesteak? Maybe. The closer's job? If Brad Lidge cooperates, sure. And why not a game in September where Schneider hits a grand slam, Valdez gets a game winning hit, and Putz strikes out the side in the ninth to eliminate the Mets?

All foretold by the Mayans.

But maybe when it's all said and done, we'll live in a world where the Mets will acquire marginally iconic Philadelphia Phillies and steal their slogans as the Phillies brazenly did with Tug McGraw. Hey, we've got 33-year-old rookie turned 37-year-old Mendoza line hitter Chris Coste. Best case scenario, his inspirational story continues here, he gets a couple of big hits down the stretch, and John Kruk gets to write the forward to his second book.

Mets case scenario, he's cut in spring training because the club signs Bengie Molina, who will set fire to his hamstring in a freak pre-game ritual will be out for the season. And we'll indeed have to wait until 2012 for significant change in baseball, in Flushing, in life. But don't hold your breath.

Freakin' Mayans.

Thumbelina

When the Mets signed Alex Cora, they did so on the same day that Derek Lowe went to the Braves. I then compared Cora to a bag of Funyuns.

Yeah, here's the thing: I like Funyuns. Always have. Cora had more nutritional value to the Mets than Funyuns have when I eat them.

But don't go running to the stores to load up on them, they're out of stock for ten weeks. Yes, Alex Cora is out for the season with not one, but two bad thumbs. Which begs the question: how in the world did he hit a home run in San Diego with two busted thumb ligaments? And can we have a banner hung in left field to honor that?

In other news, Livan Hernandez's thumb ligaments are fine ... it's just his stuff that's out for the season, as another hitter in a deep slump comes to New York and finds his stroke in a 10-1 loss to the Giants. The season has gotten so bad, and fans have gotten so upset that they're now raucously cheering one-out walks to Andy Green while down by nine runs in the ninth. They've become so mad that they're happy, and the whole foundation is collapsing upon itself. The Mets will be physically rehabbing in the offseason, while their fans will be rehabbing with hours and hours of intense therapy. Good eye, Andy.

In even more news, Jeff Wilpon had to perform more damage control as he personally travelled to Buffalo to apologize for making Bison fans miserable watching the one team which might be less fun to watch than the Mets.

"There's disappointment in the fan base and ownership here as well as ownership in New York with how they've performed. We have to fix that. It's something we want to do better and we will do better for the city of Buffalo and for the Mets. It's good business to do better and it's also the morally right thing to do because Buffalo has opened its arms to us and we really appreciate that."

So basically what he's saying is that the team that he gave to Buffalo is an affront to Jesus, who is probably pissed off that somehow, Mike Lamb still has work. But funny how good business comes before morals in that statement. Money, then values. Of course.

Wilpon also went on to apologize to the city of Buffalo for jobs lost due to the recession, the state government, Oliver Perez's rehab starts, Brett Hull being in the crease, lake effect snow, Scott Norwood, Patrick Kane punching the cab driver, and Terrell Owens' reality show. He hinted that all of those events were somehow caused by Ryan Church.

Look Out, It's Skylab!

Fans who think the sky is falling can take heart: David Wright obviously agrees.

Either that, or Alex Cora thought there were pieces of Skylab still floating around in space and wanted to warn his teammate. We're really not sure.

We're not sure of anything anymore, after the Mets showed us more comedic flair in Philadelphia as they lost again to the Phillies by a score of 4-1, thanks in part to two blown foul pops which directly led to the fourth run.

But even though the Mets are acting like a slot machine on the old strip in Vegas and paying out more than the 27 outs you get at those slots at Bellagio, and even though they're doing this at the worst possible time against good teams like the Yankees and Phillies (I think I've acquired an STD just typing that last sentence), don't you worry. Because look who's riding in on his horse on Wednesday to save the day:

Oh boy ... we're screwed.

One Hit Wonder

When the highlight of a Yankees/Mets game is Keith Hernandez giving SNY viewers a riveting on-screen instructional of the intricacies of the cough button, that's when you have problems.

The Yankees defeated the Mets 5-0.

The SNY cough buttons defeated the Mets 3-0.

Where two hits at least could have been rubbed together to start a fire, the Mets couldn't even accomplish that, as they only had one all game. In fact, when Alex Cora struck out on a wicked A.J. Burnett (or has he dropped the periods and become AJ like his friend CC Sabathia) curveball in the first, the thought "well, let's get 'em tomorrow" escaped my lips. Seriously. (I'm impressed that it was Cora who got the only hit.) That's when I was told to have some optimism. You know the one thing that's worse than the Mets lineup right now? That's right, optimism.

Consider: Not only are Yankee fans able to get the best seats, but they're knocking pop-ups out of David Wright's glove in the stands. Not that it helped them (Robinson Cano struck out), but their baseball IQ rates higher than that of the Mets on the field. Now seriously, what the hell is that?

The worst part: Who can I really blame? Seriously? I'm going to pick on Jerry Manuel for batting Argenis Reyes second? Dumb? Yes. Difference making? Would putting Argenis in the eight hole or on the bench or in Buffalo have been the difference between zero runs and six ... or even one? For that matter, am I going to blame Argenis Reyes for being a .200 hitter? Man, that's like blaming a fish for being bad at breathing out of water, or Shaquille O'Neal for being tall, or Dennis Cook for having a temper. It's just who they are.

Frustratingly, blaming people would be akin to taking candy from multiple babies. It's just pointless. Burnett was on against a lineup where Brian Schneider had the best statistical chance to hit him. What exactly did we expect? At full strength, perhaps you can overcome a spotty performance by Tim Redding. When Argenis Reyes is batting second, well ...

Now if Monday's game recap contains the words "Chien-Ming Wang rediscovered his Cy Young form ..." then it's time to complain.

***

Speaking of complaining, Mark DeRosa went to the Cardinals for Chris Perez and a player to be named. Indians fans seem to be fairly confident that this player will be pretty good.

Mets fans will probably wonder if DeRosa was on Omar Minaya's radar. Considering what the Indians got, the asking price for Omar probably would have included one Mr. Robert Parnell. Is that a chance you would have taken?

Punk'd? More Like Park'd

The Mets lost this game well before the Chase Utley home run.

They lost this game because sixteen hits could only bring home four runs.

They lost Wednesday's game when Dan Iassogna called Carlos Beltran out on the double play that should have scored the fifth run as Beltran was clearly safe. Funny how there was a recent conversation about how bad the umpiring has been this year, and it was awful again tonight on many counts ... most which benefited the Mets, but that call was key (forgive me if I start scoffing every time an umpire starts complaining about instant replay ... seriously, I'm starting to not care if baseball games go ten hours each just so we can have replay review every single damn play ... either that or we need to invent "Umpbots"). And even if that call was right, you knew that it would be a key point in the game since the Mets had one chance to blow Cole Hamels out and he didn't do it.

They really lost this game in the seventh, when Snoop decided to call a sac bunt with a guy at the plate who hadn't had a sac bunt in seven years. Fernando Tatis has some pop, no? Well, not when he's called to bunt, giving away your sixth hitter. And with a successful sacrifice (another, most likely terrible call), you give away your seventh hitter as Ryan Church was intentionally walked to set up Omir Santos ... meaning that hitters six and seven were wasted, leaving the bulk of the work to be done by hitters eight and nine. I know Snoop loves Omir but man, that wasn't quite gangsta.

But they really, really, really lost the game because of their inability to score a damn run off Chan Ho Park. Ryan Church had him 3-0 and let two meatballs zip right on by him like they were old men in vans wearing trench coats asking him if he wanted candy. Then on 3-2 he swings at slop in the dirt. I've grown a small affinity for Church, as he's become the red-headed step child of the organization. But if that at-bat was any more putrid I'd have to close my windows and throw towels under the doors.

So let's review the rubber game of the series: Tim Redding on the mound, which has recently resulted in poundings by the Red Sox and Marlins, a spent bullpen with Frankie having been burned for two innings on Wednesday. I guess that J.J. Putz will have to close tomorrow we should be prepared for the "give up" lineup on Thursday, resting guys for the Yankee series.

• SS Valdez
• 2B Cora
• 1B Murphy
• 3B Hebner
• LF Martinez
• CF Reed
• RF Emil Brown
• C Alberto Castillo
• P Redding

With Carlos Muniz as the only guy available out of the bullpen. (But seriously, they're probably going to have to pound Moyer like chop meat again to have any sort of chance.)

And I'm mildly disappointed that Pelfrey didn't drill Hamels after the "choke" comments (but kudos to Alex Cora for going up the middle hard on him). He made up for it though by telling Utley and Shane Victorino to shove it. I'll take any moral victory I can get.

Did I mention ... Chan Ho Park???!?!?!?!??? For crying out loud.

The Tornado Is Swirling

And it has nothing to do with the weather.

With Jose Reyes being sent back to New York for tests on his knee (tendinitis is the new concussion), there's a real chance that Reyes will be out for significantly more time than two days. To me, that means there's more pressure on Omar Minaya to upgrade this roster ... at least that's what I was thinking before the Braves traded for Nate McLouth.

(Oh, and great job not trading him a day earlier. Outstanding as always.)

Let us assume for a second that Reyes is out for a while ... purely hypothetical. With the Mets already behind the eight ball in terms of a thin roster (something they could have addressed a little better in the offseason), what will probably happen is that they'll go with the roster they have until, say, July 1. If they tank in June, Omar will probably be forced into a panic move. If they play well without Reyes, Omar will think there's no reason to make a move.

In reality, it should work the other way around. If there's something that I can pinpoint as a flaw in this organization (like there's just one), is that dealing from strength is something this braintrust has a problem with. Minaya is a culprit, but this team constantly waits until players hit rock bottom in their trade value, or until this team is forced to make a move (Castro) to do something rather than trade from strength. If this team has to be without Reyes for another month and they tank, you don't think Billy Beane will smell blood if Omar comes calling asking about Matt Holliday?

At this point, outfield is the one place that you could legitimately upgrade the offense. And you have to upgrade the offense ... you can't let Johan Santana continue to get one run of support per start. I don't think it's worth it to upgrade at shortstop (is Bobby Crosby really that significant an upgrade over Alex Cora and Wilson Valdez), and putting Daniel Murphy on the bench after you've finally found a position he's comfy at would just be cruel. So outfield it has to be ... whether it be Holliday, Aubrey Huff, or Adam Dunn.

(Don't think Adam Dunn isn't going to be available. Why keep the salary they have for this year and even next year if they're going to sink millions of dollars into Steven Strasburg?)

As I said in graph two, this was all in my head before the McLouth trade even went down. Now that the Braves have made their move, Omar and the Mets have to be next for a roster upgrade. And no, Matt Watson doesn't count as a roster upgrade. Nor would Sammy Sosa. And in case you were wondering, neither does re-signing Tom Glavine.

Job Opening

Rey: Taxi!

(Shags cab and enters)

Cabbie: Where to?

Rey: Shea Stadium.

Cabbie: Umm, you know that place don't exist no more.

Rey: Huh?

Cabbie: Yeah, they tore that down, the Mets don't play there no more.

Rey: Then take me to wherever the heck they play.

Cabbie: Umm, you know they're on the road right now.

Rey: I know ... I also no they have no more shortstops left. So I figured I have a chance to play.

Cabbie: Oh yeah, and what's your credentials?

Rey: Are you kidding, I was part of the greatest infield ever!

Cabbie: Please. Where was that, Franklin High? Now the '99 Mets, that was the greatest infield ever.

Rey: I know! I was on that infield!

Cabbie: Yeah right. Who do you think you are, Rey Ordonez?

Rey: Yeah! I'm Rey Ordonez.

Cabbie: Well hello Rey! I'm John Olerud. Let me put on my batting helmet. Heh heh heh.

Rey: No, I'm serious!

Cabbie: Okay, you're Rey Ordonez. Whatever. Look, it's going to take more than one loss to get the Mets to let a guy off the street ... oh, sorry, "former world class athlete" to play shortstop

Rey: Look, I can still catch the ball. I can't hit, but I never could hit. But the Mets lost not only the game but like ... eight shortstops to injury. It's time to come back and be a Met again.

Cabbie: Please.

Rey: Just leave me off right here, in front of the rotunda.

Cabbie: I hope you get the job.

Rey: Thanks (pays and leaves).

Cabbie: He don't tip like no major leaguer.

(Rey rushes to the offices, but finds out he's too late to re-claim his job.)

"F&%k!"

A Living Dance Upon Dead Minds

So it's the bottom of the seventh on Wednesday afternoon, one man out, Jose Reyes on second, and Luis Castillo grounds one in the hole at short. Reyes tries to take third base on the play.

Jose Reyes ... of all people ... should know better than to try something that dumb. Reyes has made that play on baserunners tens of hundreds of times. Besides, you learn this in little league, that you don't advance when the play's in front of you. So why on Earth would Jose do this? I mean, people wonder why we get frustrated with the Mets. All the talent in the world, but sorry ... this team has a low baseball IQ. Has had a low baseball IQ for a while.

And it's starting to rub off on the fans. Look, I know it was a weekday afternoon game and there's a lot of kids in the crowd. And I'm not blaming the kids. But in the eighth inning, immediately after Kelly Johnson put the Braves in the lead off of J.J. Putz, what's the first thing that happens in the crowd? You guessed it ... an attempt from left field to do the wave.

Are you kidding me? "Hey, we just got our hearts ripped out. Let's do the wave!" C'mon. How can we expect our team to play smart when our camp counselors are teaching young fans bad habits like the wave? This must stop, now.

***

Ask yourself this, when was the last time you were watching a Mets game and thought "wow, that's a heady play", and the subject wasn't Alex Cora?

But is it stupidity? Or is it something else?

You know how a pitcher throws 98, and he solely relies on that, even when 98 becomes 92? His coaches constantly hammer him to change speeds and play smart, but he still wants to blow everyone away?

Now Reyes is fast. Hasn't lost a step like our fictional pitcher. But does Reyes think he can beat everything out just because he's fast? Does he think, "Aah, if Yunel gets it I'm still fast enough to beat it out or discourage a throw"? If that's the case, that's carelessness and it's a lack of attention to detail. Escobar's a good shortstop, but it's not like you've got Fluff Castro running ... it was Luis Castillo. It would have been a near impossible play to get Castillo from the hole if Reyes had held. And then if he would have wanted to advance after the throw (like he's done), fine.

Instead, Reyes gave Escobar the Get Out of Jail Free card because of a combination of arrogance, and a lack of brainpower. And this is why the Mets can't get out of their own way. In games like Wednesday's game, where it goes back and forth and is decided in extra innings, it's little things like a stupid baserunning play and other mistakes that you can avoid by merely thinking that can cost you five or six games which, near the top of the N.L. East, is all it takes.

(Not to mention the physical errors, such as David Wright jumping out of the way of a ground ball that went through his legs. How does this happen, exactly?)

***

And speaking of "How does this happen", I missed Gary Sheffield's game tying home run in the eighth. Why? I was buying ice cream. Okay, it happens.

Now, check the helmet that I bought the ice cream in:


If you said "Hey wait a minute, that's an interlocking NY painted over the Final Season at Shea logo", give yourself a big round of applause. Then laugh.

Then cry.

Seriously? A paint job over a plastic cup? Was it sponsored by Spongetech? I give up. Instead of harping on that, let's see how rehab is going and play "Where's Oliver?"

Today, Perez found a good way to stay in shape as he landed a part in the local production of "Billy Elliot the Musical." His habit of leaping over the foul line made him a natural fit for the part. Unfortunately, on the very leap you see above, Perez aggravated his patella tendon and will miss an additional two weeks.

***

Oh and a word of advice to Snoop Manuel since the team is on its way to the west coast: If the phone should happen to ring at 3AM, and you didn't order room service ... just let it ring.

Snack Food

So the Mets lost out on Derek Lowe ... but their response was swift and significant:

Alex Cora: Utility Infielder.

It's kinda like going to a fancy restaurant and ... after being told that they're all out of Filet Mignon ... settling for a bag of Funyuns.

I'm not sure which five star restaurant offers Filet Mignon and Funyuns, but if there is I'm sure Mike Stanton not only knows about it, but has it on his speed dial.