Stimulus Splinter

When last we left Ralph Kiner, he was comparing Fernando Martinez to Ted Williams.

On Saturday, Kiner was at it again ... comparing Ike Davis to Ted Williams during the SNY broadcast.

So let me get this straight, we have not one, but two Splendid Splinters in the New York Mets organization? Wow! Get that Canyon of Heroes ready for the next hundred years!

(The bad news is that in the parking lot after the game, Kiner told a fan that Frank Catalanotto, Alex Cora, Dillon Gee, his goldfish, and fagiolini rigati all reminded him of Ted Williams.)

But the fact remains, Davis has come up and been involved with five wins and only one loss with the Mets. The Stimulus has batted .350, cleared the bullpen with a home run, saved Snoop Manuel's job, fixed Oliver Perez's control, used mind tricks on Yunel Escobar, ended Jason Bay's slump, turned Henry Blanco into Rickey Henderson, optimized the batting lineup, and made Larry Jones drop that infield fly on Friday. All that's left for Davis to do now is put more Mets pictures on the walls of the ballpark, revamp the tiered pricing system, and end poverty and hunger in the inner cities. Who says he can't do it? He already has the Ted Williams swing down. The rest should be easy.

Gator Bait

I can vouch for Ralph Kiner when he says that the best way to get away from an alligator is to run zig-zag. Because I heard the same thing years ago from an independent source. So Ron Darling had best remember this when the alligator comes after him during a round of golf and not be so dismissive.

You know what he also said during Thursday's loss to the Twins? He said that Fernando Martinez reminded him of Ted Williams. Well, so much for lowered expectations, right? This might scare me more than being chased by an alligator (or Sean Green coming into a game). Because you can't run from expectations ... zig-zag or otherwise.

Cause Of Death: Oliver's Doughnut

It's official: Not even Sandy Koufax can help Oliver Perez.
Just when I was staring to feel good ... Ike Davis was raking, Jenrry Mejia's pitches were moving, Fernando Martinez hits two dingers against the Nats on Saturday ... here comes Perez to remind us that it does no good to have Davis and Martinez with the big club if they're going to do nothing but watch more Ollie gopher balls fly into the Pepsi Porch.

Perez made his long anticipated (long feared) spring debut, and gave up five runs in three innings. Would have been six if not for a Frenchy cannon from the outfield. Between this and Mike Pelfrey's not-so-hot outing on Saturday, the fear now is that the starting rotation is going to be a big giant doughnut. Great on the ends with Johan Santana and Niese/Nieve/Figueroa at five, who instill more confidence in me right now than Ollie/Little Pelf/John Maine who make up the jelly in the so-called middle. To me, Ollie's extremely lucky that Hisanori Takahashi had a stellar debut Sunday, or else instead of talking about Takahashi we'd be talking more about how the S.S. Metropolitan is sinking ... on March 7th.

But at least Oliver's throwing strikes. Great, except his strikes go faster the other way.

With Perez, it's a matter of choosing your demise. Will it be two to the back of the head (strikes)? Or will it be a million paper cuts (balls)? In any event you will die. And your death certificate will list Perez's linescore that particular night under "cause of death".

And The Real Estate Is Cheaper

So I guess the question now is this: When does that Fernando Martinez for Yorvit Torrealba trade happen?

"When [Carlos] Beltran had surgery, I thought I had a chance, and maybe they would give me a chance at center. But they get Matthews Jr., and now I'm not sure where I am. I just can't give up. I know I'm a big league player, and I can perform at a high level. It's in my hands, so I have to keep working hard and maybe earn a spot. Maybe I make it to the big leagues with the Mets or maybe another team, but I know I can do it. I just have to keep working and waiting for my opportunity." -Fernando Martinez

Dude ... May I call you dude? You're only 21 years young, you were on the interstate in your time up here, and you haven't proven you can put a full season together without pulling ... anything. So dude, calm down a tad.

But once again, the Mets have seen a super-duper prospect's trade value dip before he could be traded for a guy like Matt Holliday or the like (see: Milledge, L.) The problem is: With Bay, Beltran and Frenchy (not to mention Corporal Matthews) blocking the entrance, the only way Martinez's value rises is if he hits .450 in Buffalo (good luck with that), or depend on another injury to vault back in the majors and hit a couple of moon shots into the Pepsi Porch. Part of it is the general practice of rushing their prospects through the lower levels. Part of it ... plain bad luck with injuries forcing him up to the majors before his time. But it lends itself to that whole "least efficient team in baseball" reputation in a new and different way.

So who are the Mets going to get for the guy they wouldn't trade for Johan Santana, Matt Holliday, or anybody else?

And when will Martinez become a mere Mets trivia question?

The Doctor Is Out

Boy am I glad I asked all these questions about the future. I seem to have been given the answers already. Allow me to quote myself (narcissism, you are my friend):

The first option seems to be the most likely option as reported by most, and that's the return of Omar and Snoop for 2010.

And apparently, the Wilpons have given both the "vote of confidence". Although we know how "votes of confidence" usually end up.

Are the Wilpons going to stop spending the way they did with Pedro and Beltran all together because now they have their shiny new ballpark?

The answer apparently is yes, as the Mets have reportedly turned down Doc Halladay in a trade for Fernando Martinez, Bobby Parnell, Jon Niese, and Ruben Tejada. So the prognosis for this team seems to be more of the same old, same old. Whether it's the right move or the wrong move to turn it down, it's the most horrible message to send to the fan base at the most horrible time.

You know this means that in three years the Mets are going to wind up trading Martinez, their number one jewel, for a disgruntled corner outfielder and a back-up catcher. With the Mets luck, that'll turn out to be a washed up Lastings Milledge and an injury prone Jesus Flores.

But hey, the Mets are over .500 with Frenchy on the team. Hooray.

I don't know Tony Bernazard, but everything I read about him tells me that I shouldn't trust him as far as I could physically, or even mentally, throw him.

Yeah, we got that answer too:

"The scouting community has been abuzz with an account of Mets VP Tony Bernazard going into a profanity-laced tirade directed at the organization's manager of baseball operations at Citi Field, which left witnesses in the section behind home plate aghast. According to two sources, scouts had settled in a row behind the plate during a recent game. Bernazard arrived and found a Diamondbacks scout sitting in the seat he wanted. When Bernazard's underling suggested that the Mets VP wait until the end of the half-inning to change the seating arrangement in order to minimize the disruption, Bernazard went ballistic in a rant against his Ivy League-educated deputy."

Not for nothing, but where I come from a profanity laced tirade can get you fired. Wonder if this one gets Tony Bernazard promoted.

Seriously, how much more evidence can hit you in the face before you finally call a doctor to fix the broken bones?

(Oh wait, the Mets have already told the doctor to stay in Toronto.)

Conducting a Symphony of Kazoos

So why did Daniel Murphy sit in favor of Fernando Tatis?

"I want to get guys in a rhythm." -Jerry Manuel

He's not a manager, and he's not a gangsta. He's a bandleader now. By choosing to bench Murphy after a good start on Wednesday, he's got us all scratching our heads as to what exactly you have to do to stay in a major league lineup. Yup, it's spring training in July as Snoop continues to force feed Tatis to the world to "get him into a rhythm", as if making sure that Tatis can count in 4/4 time is a component to winning baseball.

Ladies and gentlemen, your manager: Ricky Ricardo.

"Oh Daaaaanieeeeeel, you're on the beeeeeeeench!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

Babaloo, baby.

It doesn't matter so much in the prism of tonight's game, as with Livan Hernandez's start tonight the 1927 Yankees only would have won 33 games (they won 109). But all the more reason to say: what does it matter? Let's reward our young player for getting himself a couple of hits and stealing a nut from a squirrel with that defensive play. What about getting Daniel Murphy in a rhythm? Or do we only care if Fernando Tatis is in rhythm while Murphy is hid in the back of the band playing the triangle? Doesn't it serve the long term interests of the club to develop Daniel Murphy into a legitimate option at first base and not just as trade bait in some ill advised deal which will set the team back another decade?

Or will playing Fernando Tatis keep those viewers tuned to SNY and keep those ticket sales flowing?

Seriously, how is it that a team that just put their 429th position player on the disabled list today can't find a spot for Daniel Murphy in the starting lineup every day?

But speaking of SNY, there was some good news tonight as for the first time all season (or at least that I saw), I could actually clearly see who was warming up in the visiting bullpen on an SNY's broadcast.

The bad news? It was Guillermo Mota.

Oh well. As tonight was the 40th anniversary of the closest a Met has ever come to a perfect game, why don't you check out what the '69 Mets are doing now, thanks to Sports Illustrated? (Hint: Throwing up while watching Livan Hernandez ... not on the list.)

Speaking of ill-advised trades which set the team back a decade ...

Failing The Crash Test

People have wondered why, with the Phillies still within sight of the Mets in the N.L. East with plenty of time to go in the season, I can't just enjoy the ride.

It's because the Mets clubhouse shop doesn't sell Brooklyn Dodgers throwback edition crash helmets.

Believe me, there's nothing I want more than to be positive, and look at the glass as being half full (of good strong Vodka of course.) But if you still think this season can be salvaged, and you're entitled to think that way, ask yourself: What have you seen from this team, not the struggles of the Phillies or the Marlins' bullpen or the Braves, but from the New York Mets, that tell you that this is a team that has a legitimate shot at winning this division? Where's the evidence on the field?

Because here's reality: The fourth inning on Tuesday, where Johan Santana walked the pitcher, Fernando Martinez dug up a divot in center field the size of Bobby Bonilla's severance paycheck while letting an easy fly ball drop, Dan Warthen gets kicked out of the game for jawing with Jim Wolf, and Ryan Braun's two run double turned into a three-run double when Omir Santos couldn't catch a relay throw, and turned into a four-run double when Johan Santana threw a ball to Grayslake, IL, would have been the most disgusting inning of the season for most teams.

For the Mets, it barely cracks the top ten.

Yet, it might be the inning that drives the final stake in the heart of the season.

Nah, that's not true.

Tomorrow, when Yovani Gallardo pitches to a lineup that isn't going to have David Wright and Gary Sheffield ... that'll be the last straw. But what difference does it make at this point? The lineup that did have Wright and Sheffield couldn't beat Mike Burns.

Mike Burns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No wonder Wright looked like he was about to cry in the post-game interview.

The next question that you have to ask yourself is whether you believe Omar Minaya can fix this. And think of this: What exactly has Minaya done in-season to significantly help the club?

His biggest splash came when he traded Xavier Nady for Oliver Perez and Roberto Hernandez. And that was out of desperation. He also traded for Luis Castillo. That's it.

At this point, any moves Minaya can make would be putting duct tape on a life raft. The ship be sinking, folks. Minaya had a chance to address this in the offseason, when instead of gathering all of baseball's "change of scenery" guys or "low-risk/high reward" guys, maybe he could have gotten some true major leagues here. In fact, Minaya's chance to address this came on Day One of his tenure here, when he could have done more to build a real farm system instead of stocking Norfolk, New Orleans, and Buffalo with the likes of Elmer Dessens, Casey Fossum, Jose Lima, Brian Lawrence, Jose Offerman, Gerald Williams, Julio Franco, Chan Ho Park, Freddy Garcia, Dae Sung Koo, Ken Takahashi, Miguel Cairo, Brian Daubach, Kaz Ishii, Eli Marrero, Ricky Ledee, Moises Alou, Chip Ambres, Emil Brown, Wily Mo Pena, Bobby Kielty, Raul Casanova, Ramon Martinez, Brandon Knight, Brady Clark, Trot Nixon, Andy Phillips, Abraham Nunez, Tony Armas, Chris Aguila ...

But now? There's nothing Minaya can do except wait for the injured to come back, and there are no guarantees there. There's nothing Snoop can do. Oh he's trying. He had a "family talk" with the Mets after the loss. But Ozzie Guillen once said that good teams win games, while bad teams have meetings. The Mets are a bad team, plain and simple. And all the jargon and gangsta-speak and Dennis Greene impersonations and saying you need players one night and saying "my team is on the field" the next night does nothing but rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic. The ride is over. The ship has hit the iceberg. And all that's left to do is watch the carnage while floating away in the life raft. Don't worry, you'll hit shore on or around October 3rd.

Want positive? The Cyclones are 9-2.

The Mo Zone: Specializing In Spreading Self-Doubt Among N.L. Right Fielders

This is Ryan Ludwick.

Obviously, Ryan Ludwick has a lot on his mind in this shot. But what's foremost in his mind? Fernando Tatis' RBI single falling in front of him? Bobbling Nick Evans' eventual game winning two run double soon afterwards?

Or could it have been the constant heckling from the fans in the right field stands?

Maybe none of the above. But I'm not so sure. Let's just say I've never seen a right fielder run so fast after the third out of every inning.

Okay, okay. So he probably always does that. Tell the truth, I rarely study the post inning speed of opposing right fielders. But Ryan Ludwick being filled with self-doubt about his own abilities upon listening to the gentle advice of the fans in right field (part of the largest crowd in Citi Field history of which I was a part of, I might add) makes for a much better, and much more interesting blog post, so that's how I choose to interpret it. So there.

(I'll say this: If Ludwick blasted one of Frankie's offerings into the left field seats after being heckled all game, I would still be at the park mapping out a cool, dry spot on the Promenade to jump off because that pretty much would have been it. I'd like to think that the heckles played a part in Ludwick not driving one off the Acela Club, but that's just me.)

One thing the fans in right field did prove is that Luis Castillo knows what it takes to play in New York. As the game got started, somebody in the Mo Zone yelled an encouraging word to Luis, who promptly turned around and acknowledged the fan with a quick wave. Now who could blame Castillo if he wants to stay away from fans as much as possible. But there's two ways to handle an incident like Castillo's. And the path that Luis has chosen is the right path. From not ducking interviews to laughing at mock standing ovations for using two hands to thanking a fan for a yelp of encouragement, that's how you handle being an athlete in New York.

(That, by the way, is an observation first brought up by my baseball companion today, who was nice enough to rub off his good Citi Field mojo over my awful new park smell, as I was 0-4 before today. Thank you, kind sir.)

Yeah, I might call Castillo "Gloves of Steel" or "Glove of Gold, Brain of Steel", every once in a while. But if there's a guy that I secretly hope is the one to get the winning hit to clinch a division title, it's Castillo.

Of course, I also secretly hope that he doesn't have an MRI scheduled for Monday. Which reminds me, first 100 fans on Sunday night get free MRI's, so get there early.

Enjoy this image of the last pitch of the game, made possible by Johan Santana finding his game after walking Chris Carpenter, a sweet Fernando Martinez catch, and Frankie Rodriguez being just a few notches over Aaron Heilman ... at least as far as Yadier Molina was concerned.

Throwback

Well, it's official. With the news that Carlos Beltran is now on the disabled list, joining his friends Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado, the offense will be more of a 19th century offense. It was a simpler time where home runs came at a premium due to the fact that everyone was smaller and, as seen from the photo above, there were no walls.

Citi Field has walls but you have to take the 7 Train to Main Street to get to them.

The Mets, with their 16 home runs in Monday's lineup, have become the 1885 New York Giants. That team's entire roster had 16 home runs all season. Six came from their catcher, Buck Ewing, which puts him on par with our current slugger Brian Schneider. You see, old time baseball depended more on base hits, speed, and fundamentals ... which makes you wonder how the '885 Giants went 85-27 with a second baseman whose OPS was .399 (and you thought Wilson Valdez had no stick.)

Of course, the '885 Giants also had Mickey Welch and Tim Keefe, who threw 492 and 400 innings that season. So let's just say if Bobby Parnell continues to slide, then Johan Santana and Livan Hernandez had better not make any plans on their off days.

We now know this 19th Century blueprint to be the plan all along, as rather than add bats, the Mets are getting rid of bats at the rate of lightning. Wily Mo Pena? Javier Valentin? Bobby Kielty? Who needs 'em anyway! The Bisons can go 24-43 without those guys just as easily as they did with them. No, the Mets want to party like it's 1885 and grow handlebar mustaches and have their baseball cards sponsored by Allen & Ginter cigarettes.

And at this point, why not? Omar Minaya has had plenty of chances to go get the likes of Adam Dunn or Aubrey Huff to play in their outfield. But at this point, why trade for Dunn? So that his protection in the lineup can be Luis Castillo? It's like being protected by the immortal Dude Esterbrook.

(Editor's note: We interrupt this blog so that the blogger can pat himself on the back for working in a Dude Esterbrook reference. I trust this will not be the last time that "Dude" will appear in this space.)

And with other GM's sure to ask for the world knowing that Omar Minaya is desperate to upgrade the club with major league pieces, why bother now? Why dip in to the lower levels of the minors to come up with the Reese Havens' and the Ike Davis' of the world to trade for Dunn?

Oh that's right, because the Bisons are 24-43 and the Binghamton Mets are 26-42 ... that's why.

I've said it before: if the Mets can't get through this stretch of tough games with or without their guns then it's a lost season anyway. There's no guarantee trading for Adam Dunn tomorrow is going to fill all these holes and cure everything that ails them in the next two weeks. The opportunity to trade for a big bopper is gone with Beltran now. The window has closed and that bird has flown so far away that he's circling Canada with the rest of the geese. It's over. The next opportunity to make a trade that will bring a big piece in without destroying what's left of the farm system will come after Beltran and Reyes, and maybe Delgado come back. Then you trade from strength and give up less to get what you need. So for now, the best course of action is to return to a simpler time and try to take down a fighter jet with a rock.

And who's to say it can't happen? Who's to say that Daniel Murphy isn't going to get hot? He hit one of those futuristic 20th Century crazes known as the home run on Monday so who knows? And who's to say that Fernando Martinez isn't going to have a much better second stint in New York than first stint? With the pressure off now that the focus will be much more on who isn't there than who is there, why can't Martinez go under the radar a bit and start contributing? The Mets got themselves a big win on Monday with the 19th Century lineup, why can't they tread water with it for now? Heck, every time I predict doom anyway it never happens so why not?

And why can't Elmer Dessens be a beacon of light to a depleted bullpen?

Okay, that last sentence was proof positive that you can pull a hamstring simply by being overly optimistic. I hope your retinas weren't strained reading that.

But seriously, what more can the Mets do at this point except roll the dice and see if they can roll a seven? If their 19th Century singles offense can keep going as it did on Monday, great. If not, then there will be plenty of blame heaped on Omar's doorstep as something probably should have been done long ago anyway.

(Editor's note: It figures I would pick Dude Esterbrook out of the air. As it turns out, and I swear I didn't realize this until halfway through this blog post, that Esterbrook threw himself off a train on his way to a mental hospital and killed himself at the age of 43. Fitting because while Dude also played for the defunct New York Metropolitans in addition to the Giants, the current incarnation of the New York Metropolitans is slowly driving me to a similar fate.)

(Editor's Update: Want proof of my impending insanity? Jose Reyes was in a car accident on Monday. Seriously. The good news is he's fine, and there's no truth to the rumor that Cecil Wiggins was driving the fire truck that rear ended the car carrying Reyes and Ray Ramirez.)

It's A Real Hit

Brian Schneider hit a three run home run on Friday.

Do I really have to say that?

You would be right to expect that Schneider's robust home run production would drop significantly in 2009. After all, the pitcher who Schneider has hit the most home runs off became his teammate this season.

That would be Tim Redding. And that home run total off him would be the robust number of 2.

"I'm not saying that."

So who knew that Schneider would blast one off Andy Sonnanstine in the second inning on Friday ... and to the deepest part of the longest baseball cave east of San Diego? I sure as heck didn't. And really, what does this say about Sonnanstine?

"I'm not saying that either."

Did you ever think you would hear this sentence: "Led by Brian Schneider and Fernando Nieve, the Mets closed to within two games of the Philadelphia Phillies for first place." Really? You saw this coming? Well, you might want to take that bottled water you're holding and douse your crotch ... for your pants are on fire.

Or if you prefer to keep your water to drink, then just wait until Saturday's game, which is forecasted to have an 80% chance of rain, so just walk outside with your blazing pants. And watch as Johan Santana hopes for an extra day off for his blister to heal and for his velocity to return so that we all stop panicking. Yeah, like a great outing from Johan will seriously prevent Mets fans from panicking.

Maybe if Fernando Martinez finds his stroke in Buffalo, if Nick Evans ate enough carrots while in Binghamton to combat his apparent night blindness (0 hits in Buffalo during night games), and Brian Schneider can hit .280 we'll stop with the panicking.

"That's it, I'm not doing this."

Ryan's Riddle

Besides the much needed bounce back win that the Mets got courtesy of Livan Hernandez (now with more upset stomach), was the triumphant return of Ryan Church, who went 2-5 with a run scored in the 7-0 win.

And now, with an off day to ponder, Snoop has a very interesting question to ask himself. With three lefties set to go this week against the Mets, it wouldn't look like an optimal situation for Ryan Church to get playing time. But can the Mets afford to put Church on the bench for three games and waste opportunities for Church to see live major league pitching for the first time in three weeks?

Better yet, can the Mets afford to put Church on the bench for one game? We know that Sheffield, if he was healthy and ten years younger (not necessarily in that order) would be a slam dunk to start these three games. And we know that the brass would prefer for Fernando Martinez to play as much as possible while he's in the major leagues. But this isn't a finishing school. This is a major league baseball team that has been starving for runs lately. Someone's going to have to sit.

If Snoop is serious in saying that if he had a doghouse that Ryan Church wouldn't be in it, then Church has to be in that lineup against J.A. Happ, against Cole Hamels, and against Jamie Moyer. Yeah, you risk sending him into a tailspin giving him a steady diet of lefties, but to me it's a bigger risk to sit him down. A lefty is going to have to be in that lineup anyway ... I'd prefer a veteran to a rookie hitting .200, no matter what his name is. And with Sheffield's health an issue, Martinez is going to play at least one game anyway if not two. (If I was a betting man, I'd say Sheffield was a shoo-in for the game that Hamels pitches.)

Riddle on that for two days ... and hope that Snoop can solve it by then.

The Runt Of The Win Litter

Don't get me wrong, I'll take it. When a win is left on my doorstep, I'm not leaving it out in the cold, even if it's the equivalent of the runt of the litter. A win is a win.

But forgive me if I'm not ready to plan a parade route just yet.

Yes, the Mets finally won a game on this road trip against the putrid Washington Nationals ... but make no mistake, "putrid", and not "won" is the key word. The Nationals out-odored the Mets tonight, what with dopey plays by Cristian Guzman and Adam Dunn losing a ball in the lights and some horrific umpiring affecting both sides by a rookie named D.J. Reyburn (whom I'd still take over the Angel Hernandez crew). But the Mets were lucky that their own blunders didn't come back to haunt them, and they would have if they had been playing anybody else besides the Nationals.

Another problem with Steve Phillips' misguided criticism of Carlos Beltran is that anytime someone has a fair gripe with Beltran, it's seen as siding with Phillips. So let me give you this disclaimer: I'm not siding with Steve Phillips.

That established: I do have to criticize Beltran. And though it seems that I'm stealing Marc Malusis' thoughts from the SNY postgame show, I swear to you I thought of it before Malusis said it ... and I'm taking it a step further: It's not only the fact that Beltran got thrown out at third base trying to stretch a double into a triple after he took a Cadillac tour to second base thinking the ball was a dinger, because that's bad enough.

But if you're going to show some leadership in the lockerroom and rip the team's effort through the media by saying that everyone has to play better (and by saying that the Pirates are barely a major league baseball outfit which has earned him the title of "School in Summertime" in Pittsburgh), then it has to start with you. Make no mistake, I loved that Beltran said what he said. But that's only half the battle. The example has to be set on the field. Getting yourself thrown out at third because you weren't running hard out of the box is the wrong example to back up your words. As much as I hate to use a cliche like "actions speak louder than words", it applies here. All Beltran did was give people fuel for their argument that Fernando Martinez not running on a pop-up is part of an organizational "lack of hustle" rather than an isolated incident.

And to go back to the problem of playing dumb, David Wright tagging and going to third base on a fly ball to left field is a dumb play ... whether he went on his own or whether Razor Shines sent him in the second inning ... dumb, dumb, dumb. Let's face it, Wright was out except for the fact that Reyburn couldn't see a lake from a rowboat. If that was a veteran umpire there, that's a 1-0 loss and Wright never gets a chance to win the game in the 10th. Especially when this team is racked with injuries, it has to play smart to give itself a chance to tread water. They aren't going to be so lucky next time.

(And speaking of lucky: Brad Lidge made Mets fans really lucky tonight. Two outs, nobody on, one run lead, and Lidge blew it. Something tells me that if the Mets finish behind them again, it isn't going to be because of the bullpens.)

(And speaking of bullpens, welcome back to the party Sean Green ... and just in time, too.)

***

In injury news, Jose Reyes is undergoing a new procedure to help him heal faster called "Platelet Rich Plasma Therapy."

As usual, the crack staff has exclusive footage of the team administering the procedure, seen at the 0:48 mark:

Murphy's Law Of Physics

Here's something I don't like about Citi Field:

It's the one thing that makes me wish I had paid attention in physics class during my senior year of high school.

Seriously ... I completely checked out in that class to the point where my teacher would tell everyone in the class who failed that they would have a chance to get a 65 automatically if they passed the regents exam. Me? I was simply told: you failed. When I asked about passing the regents, teach said "I don't think you'll have to worry about that option."

Well not only did I pass the regents, I got something along the lines of an 85. (I actually visited my high school the next semester to rub it in his face, but he wasn't in that day. He was obviously ducking me. Well how you like me now, teach?!!??!? Yeah, I'm still bitter.)

Daniel Murphy's video reviewed home run, the fourth review in the past five days and the first second one where the original call was reversed, tested my knowledge of physics. Now, if I had paid attention in class, I could come up with a reasonable explanation as to why that call was reversed despite the lack of evidence that the ball hit the Subway sign. But I was busy trading baseball cards and drawing cartoons so that this is the best I can come up with:

Fly balls hit at the trajectory that moves toward an outfield wall don't land on the warning track, bounce straight up, then die. In a driving rainstorm where the umpires are too boneheaded to stop the game in a timely fashion, a ball could hit the warning track and then die. But not bounce straight up. So even though you couldn't see the ball hit the Pepsi Porch facade, the way the ball acted told you that it was a dinger. Had to be.

(Editor's note: More proof that this blogger shouldn't have passed physics, or is just blind. The ball indeed did hit the wall. But that trajectory did change and bounce at an angle that a ball hit that fall shouldn't have bounced. I stand by that this was a home run, and I also stand by that physics is hard and that I should have paid more attention in high school.)

Obviously, the three umps that went to look at the video understood physics, and made the correct call. Of course, if there were seats where that Mo's Zone quirk is, it wouldn't have been an issue.

Physics are an important component of life and baseball. Umpires understand this better than they understand a strike zone. And they understand this better than me.

Adam Dunn understands physics ... he was explaining the Murphy home run to his teammates in the dugout after the play. He also understands enough physics to understand that force x distance = a home run long enough to avoid replay and hit a damn bridge (off Johan Santana no less). Like Rick Vaughn says: "You hit it, you name it." I think Dunn can name the bridge after himself now (which would work well if the Mets sign him for the 2011 season.)

But Daniel Murphy's physics are the law at this moment with his five rbi's which led to a 7-4 Mets win. Murph is doing his best to make sure that when Nick Johnson leaves town tonight with the Nationals, he doesn't come back too soon. A few more games like tonight and it'll be mission accomplished. Now that he's more comfy at first base, don't be surprised if these kind of games creep up more often.

Oh, and about finding a new nickname for Fernando Martinez: No nicknames until you run out pop-ups and break this organization's penchant for bonehead plays. Is that a deal?

Author! Author!

It was noted during a recent Mets game that somebody was writing a book about the bizarre game that took place on July 4th of '85. Surely you remember it as the 19 inning debacle that ended near 4AM down in Atlanta.

If I were to write a book about a particular baseball game, I might choose Livan Hernandez's complete game from Monday night.

Seriously.

First off, all the really good and important games are probably taken by established (good) writers. Second, there were so many layers to this seemingly run of the mill 6-1 victory that it fascinated my warped mind. It's like an onion that only makes you cry if you're a Nationals fan. For example: You might have been all jazzed up about the debut of one Fernando Martinez. But I was greeted by the news that the Mets had traded for Wilson Valdez! OMG! Wilson Valdez!!! I've gotta get on the horn and call 718-507-TIXX! Our savior is here! Wilson Valdez!!!

Then I asked, who the hell is Wilson Valdez?

A healthy shortstop? Good enough. I'll take it and be excited about it.

Of course, the news wasn't so much that we have Valdez and Martinez, but that Jose Reyes and Ryan Church actually made their way to the disabled list. Omar Minaya doing right by the roster is a huge twist in the plot, and a breath of fresh air for Snoop Manuel. And ... Wilson Valdez! The cynic in you might say that your hopes for a new shortstop were low (a decent fielding .200 hitter in the majors) and that they weren't even met (a decent fielding .110 hitter in AAA). But a shortstop who doesn't have an issue with a bum calf or a torn thumb or a freaking hernia is at a premium here these days. So, I choose to be excited for Wilson Valdez.

But I'm burying the lead here ... which is the debut of Fernando Martinez, who went 0 for 3 with an RBI fielders choice on Monday. Certainly an inauspicious beginning for the jewel of the minor leagues. But his first major league RBI is nothing to sneeze at. (I will say this: We've gotta find a halfway decent nickname for this guy. Putting aside the increasingly lazy way we come up with nicknames these days: First initial of first name, first part of last name, like A-Rod, "F-Mart" sounds like an obscene grocery store. "Welcome to F-Mart ... Where You Can Go F&*k Yourself!")

It is strange that in a game that a great hitting prospect makes his debut, a pitcher gets his first major league hit. But Craig Stammen's single ended in a putout of home, so Stammen might be the first player to get his first ever hit and not get to keep the ball. Seriously, how often does this happen?

Furthermore, how often is there a game where beanballs are traded (Jason Bergmann hits Fernando Tatis after Gary Sheffield's game deciding home run during a case of wildness, and Livan hits Justin Maxwell in what may or may not have been retaliation), and noted hothead Julian Tavarez isn't involved? And he was in the game not long after that? Now seriously, how often does that happen?

Of course, the focus would be Livan and his complete game which is the very reason the Mets got him ... to give a breather to the bullpen every now and again. He's done it two straight ... with a seven inning effort against L.A., and the CG on Monday night. Put that against the backdrop of Ryan Zimmerman's on-base streak, which was at 43 games before he ran into Livan (another layer for the book). Now put that against the backdrop of Oliver Perez. At the same time Hernandez was chugging along, Oliver was showing the fans of Buffalo what they've been missing with the big club ... namely: 5 walks in four and a third innings against the likes of Pablo Ozuna.

Instead, the Mets got Hernandez's 127 pitch outing, and the revelation after the game that he's a thinker. The thoughts that went through his head pitching against the Nationals lineup is enough for a book all on it's own.

Hopefully, the book I eventually do write will be better than the piece of unmitigated crap I just pitched to America. But speaking of pitches, I pitch to you some post game analysis from yours truly tomorrow on NY Sportstalk Live between 9-11 on Wednesday night (most likely soon after the ball game). It's like a bonus blog.

The Moment

I call it: "The Bernie Mac Moment".

It's that moment whenever we're in Las Vegas (where we were over the last five days) where you realize "wow ... I'm in Vegas". It comes from the scene in Ocean's Eleven where one moment, Frank Catton is faking a cough to get transferred to Vegas ... the next moment, he's smiling with his shades on in a cab on his way to the strip. Yes, he's made it.

(It's a moment made more timely, unfortunately, due to Bernie's recent health problems.)

If the time I spent away has produced a certain theme ... you know, besides dumb plays and Randy Wolf kicking our butts ... it's a whole bunch of new faces having their own "Bernie Mac Moments", getting in a cab to Shea Stadium smiling ... perhaps with shades on ... because they're in the show.

Danny Murphy.

Eddie Kunz.

Ruddy Lugo.

Jon Niese. (Perhaps on Saturday.)

It's the by-product of Omar Minaya's thinking that the chips he's got in the minors aren't worth anything that was on the market at the trade deadline. Arthur Rhodes? As capable of imploding as anybody the Mets have in their bullpen ... yes, even as capable as Aaron Heilman. No, Omar's job isn't on the line if these young kids don't come through ... but it certainly comes across as a sink or swim decision, doesn't it? Not only does Omar believe in these kids enough not to trade them for the likes of Arthur Rhodes, he believes in the kids enough to give them major league roles in a major league pennant race.

And notice that those names don't include the one name that would have made some people happy for the sake of making them happy: Fernando Martinez. So no, these aren't moves made to appease the public. These are moves, while out of necessity first and foremost, that also mirror Minaya's belief in this system that so many trash on a daily basis. It's belief that borders on stubbornness. But considering what was out there, Minaya could have done a whole lot worse than stand pat.

Except if these kids fall flat. Then they'll be back in the minors faking coughs ... waiting for that next "Bernie Mac Moment" that may never come.

The Perfect Set

All right, in Omar I trust again.

The only question now is this: Do I trust the Wilpons?

Hmmmmmmm.

Forget next week's primaries. January 29th, 2008 will go down as a truly Super Tuesday, as the Mets have gotten their man. Finally, an ace pitcher in Johan Santana, acquired at the cut rate price of Carlos Gomez, Phil Humber, Kevin Mulvey, and Deolis Guerra. Look Ma, no Fernando Martinez!

Let me recite to you what a friend of mine (a frequent visitor to the comment section) said to me about the trade:

"What I am most happy about the trade is that for once the Mets did not bid against themselves. The 4 guys they put on the table stayed on the table. Omar did not panic even with the wolves baying at him to make a deal at any price. He wanted to keep Martinez and was succesful. When everyone laughed that the Mets offer was ridiculously puny compared to the Sox and Stinkees, he held his hand. He really played this one very well. Now Freddie Coupons has to pony up the dough."

I can't say it better myself, so I'm not going to try. Omar knew exactly what he was doing ... he wasn't going to bid against himself when the Red Sox and Yankee offers kept falling like the stock market. I admit, despite the fact that Omar's strategy was clear, I would have caved and thrown in the extra prospect to make sure the deal got done. But that's why Omar's the GM and I'm doing what I'm doing.

Now, you could say that it isn't really a stroke of genius to do what Omar did ... holding fast to a group of four prospects that fails to include the best one of all. Look, it really was the perfect storm that this happened. Yes, the Yankees and Red Sox got into a fit of restraint that helped the situation. But of course, the Yankee-lovin' media is running with this notion that the only reason the Mets were able to make this happen was because the Yankees let it happen ... again, we owe our lives to Big Brother From The Bronx. Had nothing to do with Johan wanting to come to Queens ... nah.

So let's calm down.

But whatever you believe, Omar did get the job done. Now all that is left is for the Wilpons to "pony up the dough" and put the spike in the sand on Omar's perfect set-up. When Misty May puts up a set, chances are that Kerri Walsh doesn't miss. All the Wilpons have to do is put this spike in the ground so that Johan Santana can come to Queens and strike out the likes of Misty May's husband. The sides, as of this moment, are far apart. But even Buster Olney says that the chances of this falling apart are "remote". So I'm going to resist the urge to be a curmudgeon and sleep well tonight ... knowing that by five o'clock tomorrow it will all be official, and Johan will be fitted in orange and blue.

It will be official, right?

Is It Over Yet?

No, really ... can I leave my house without fear of any Johan Santana fallout falling straight on the top of my head?

Twenty-four hours ago, there was lots of talk that the Mets had grabbed the lead in the Johan sweepstakes, with the (not so) mere inclusion of Fernando Martinez being the only barrier between Santana and a black and orange alternate uniform. I'll admit that I let myself get excited ... only a little bit, despite the fact that I swore I wouldn't let that happen. But you know it's January, and I have little else to do besides daydream ... so can you blame me for having impure left-handed thoughts?

But as you have probably figured out by now, the Mets have bowed out of the Santana derby at this time ... refusing to put Fernando Martinez in a deal. The Mets here, to me, are trying to have their cake and eat it too. The reasoning is sound. With the Yankees bowing out just a day earlier, and nobody having heard from the Red Sox in a month and a half, the Mets are trying not to overbid against themselves and are probably thinking "wait a minute, if nobody else is in, then why are we trying to outbid them by a larger margin than we have to in terms of players?

But here's the other side of it: The Yankees may say they're out. But are they every really out? Are the Red Sox still lurking around somewhere? So to putter around and try to scale back the offer, or force the Twins hand into taking an offer without Martinez (or Reyes), might be a dangerous strategy. Of course the highly cynical view would be to say that the Mets now have their excuse for not making a deal ... that they can come out and say that "hey, we've made our pitch, and we'll let Martinez be a deal breaker, exhale, and go about the business of selling out Shea for 2008 and Citi Field for 2009 while trotting out an okay team.

My gut is telling me that the cynical view isn't in play here. My gut tells me that the Mets interest in Santana, at this point, is legitimate, and that the brass is merely trying to be smart and keep the price down.

Then again, my gut was telling me "miniature hot dogs" too last night. And what did I get for listening to my gut? Indigestion. So take it for what it's worth.

The Carousel Continues

"... the Mets offered different packages of prospects that included either outfielder Carlos Gomez or outfield prospect Fernando Martinez but not both, declining to include the one extra prospect the Twins requested to clinch the deal according to people familiar with those talks." -Jon Heyman/SI.com, on a potential Johan Santana deal

Of course, the Mets aren't willing to but both players in the deal. They're holding them back for five years from now when they make that inevitable Martinez for Mark Mulder (after his fifth rotator cuff surgery) deal to fill a hole in the bullpen, after trading Carlos Gomez for Jose Molina deal to fill that back-up catcher hole. That's called forward thinking, my friends.

There's going to be a large contingent of you that will say that after trading Lastings Milledge, to trade the other two outfield prospects in any deal ... whether it be for Johan Santana or Carlos Zambrano or Sandy Koufax stepping out of the time machine ... is insane, especially when you still have to sign Santana to a seven year, $800 gazillion deal. There will be others that say that the price for Santana is going to come down with each passing day. And there will be still more of you that will preach the virtue of patience. If you are in this large group, your reasoning is sound.

But let me ask you this:

If the Mets have a history of "over-hyping" their prospects, rushing them up the ladder too quickly or what have you, and you have an opportunity to turn these prospects into the best pitcher in baseball, then doesn't history teach you that you should do it? Have the Mets forgotten this quickly that Lastings Milledge was once a major chip to get Manny Ramirez or Roy Oswalt, and wound up getting them Brian Schneider and Ryan Church? Are we all going to be on this space five years from now sighing "you know, we could have had Johan Santana for Gomez and Martinez, and all we got in a trade was John Patterson, Ronnie Belliard, and Paul Lo Duca?" History tells us that this is exactly the predicament that we'll be in come 2013. So when will the Mets learn from history rather than be eternally doomed to repeat it?

Trading the two remaining outfield prospects would be a huge risk. Sure, the Mets can play it safe as they always do, and be that team that stands in the corner at the party eating chips all night, afraid to ask the homecoming queen to dance. Or, they can show their fans that they're interested being the mouthwash that rinses out the taste of disaster and bringing in (and paying for) the best pitcher of his time frame, while willing to take a big risk to improve the here and now...while actually making an effort to change the fortunes of the future by changing the way they draft and develop players (another rant for another time)? When will this franchise step off the carousel of safety and mediocrity and actually walk in a straight line towards that brass ring?

Food for thought. Disagree at will.

In Omar, I've Lost Trust

The sun was shining when I woke up this morning.

It was shining because the first thing that I saw was that Billy Beane had officially put Dan Haren on the trade market. Oh glory. And here we are in Queens with all of these trade chips to get him. We've got Carlos Gomez, we've got Mike Pelfrey, we've got Phil Humber, we've got Kevin Mulvey, and we've got the guy that Billy Beane has been salivating over for many a fortnight...Lastings Milledge.

What?

We don't have Lastings Milledge?

The Washington Nationals have completed a trade sending veteran catcher Brian Schneider and outfielder Ryan Church to the New York Mets for promising outfielder Lastings Milledge on Friday.

Both the Mets and the Nationals scheduled conference calls at 3 p.m. today to announce the deal. Schneider, in a telephone interview, said he spoke with Mets General Manager Omar Minaya, who confirmed the trade.

"It's done," Schneider said.

And I'm beginning to think the Mets are done as well.

Remember the good old days when Lastings Milledge could have brought back Manny Ramirez? I remember those days. Those were fun days. The Mets were on the upswing after the brutal Art Howe era, and Metropolitan prospects were the bee's knees. Oh, it was fun. But oh no, the Mets couldn't get a Hall of Famer for Milledge, because Lastings Milledge was going to have so much upside. There's no way the future of the franchise could so callously be cast aside. Who knows, a deal even better than Manny Ramirez could come along someday. Maybe for a younger big bat. Maybe for an arm!

Oooh! Maybe for Brian Schneider and Ryan Church!!!

Now you all should know me well enough by now to know that I'm not into absolutes such as "biggest this", "worst that", or "most vomit ever expunged in one sitting". I'm not going to say things like that for the pure sake of saying them. So I'm not going to compare this trade to the infamous Scott Kazmir trade.

"People always like to say, 'What if?' But the positive that's come out of this is what we learned from our mistake. We have moved on." -Jeff Wilpon, on the Scott Kazmir trade.

Really? A 22-year-old outfielder with upside through the roof for a .235 hitting catcher and a journeyman outfielder? That's what you've learned from the Scott Kazmir trade? This was a bad trade when I thought Ryan Church was 25.

He's 29!

And I've aged about ten years in the last four hours.

(Editor's note: Do any of you find it ironic that the Mets basically gave the Nationals Jesus Flores via the Rule V draft, and now that he may be ready to start, we let them do it by trading for Schneider?)

And here's the kick in the head out of all of this: People are going to respond to this blog, and other Met blogs and say something along the lines of "Milledge was a dog, he didn't run hard after that Dontrelle Willis hit in the corner during the last game of the season." To those people I say, don't even bother. Because guess who was benched last season for not running out a ground ball?

For those who said Ryan Church, collect your door prize.

So now, in addition to Johan Santana being pretty much out the window because Omar is at least smart enough not to put Jose Reyes in that deal, now Dan Haren is out the window. If Billy Beane was cooling a bit on Lastings Milledge, you think he's going to take a package that includes Ryan Church and Johnny Estrada? But never fear, because Omar is probably going to sign Livan Hernandez and tell us he's every bit as good as Santana, Haren, and Joe Blanton. Great. Let's reunite the rest of the 2004 Expos that went 67-95, shall we? Tomo Ohka doing anything these days? Carl Everett is with a Long Island Duck last I checked. Maybe Carlos Gomez can get you Jose Vidro and his bad knees. Can a Fernando Martinez for Jon Rauch and Shawn Hill deal be far behind?

And I haven't even mentioned the part of the deal that points out that Lastings Milledge is going to face the Mets 19 times a season for the next 20 years??? A top prospect traded in his own division??? To a team that had a comparable if not better record than the Mets over the last 90 games of the 2007 season??? To a team who's future might be 2008 while the Mets' future may be 2006? Who does this??!!?!?!??!!?

The Mets, of course.

I'm going to ask you all this: Would you be surprised in the least if say...six months, a year, two years down the road you started hearing that Milledge was traded because there were whispers in the clubhouse that certain veterans wanted him gone? Would you? Because I wouldn't. After all the little lateness and rap music incidents I'm not saying that it's going to happen, or that I know anything you don't. But I wouldn't be surprised to the point where if I was offered an even money bet on that I might take it. And if that happens? Then guess what: This franchise would officially be back where it started back in 2004 with Art Howe as the manager, and the inmates running the asylum. And isn't that what the Mets were trying to avoid by getting rid of the clubhouse lawyers like Al Leiter and John Franco anyway?

I'm not stupid. I know Milledge's value isn't what it used to be, fair or unfair. But a defensive catcher? A 29-year-old mediocre outfielder? For a top prospect? This is the best you could do? Are we that afraid of talent?

(Editor's note: Omar Minaya is currently on the Mike and Puppy show saying that "sometimes the fans don't understand, I go back to the time I made the Kris Benson trade and no one knew who John Maine was." All right, here's the difference: For as baffled as I was at the Benson trade...and don't tell me that didn't have something to do with an off-field incident too...at least a prospect came back for an older player. And I doubt that even Omar Minaya knew that John Maine was going to become the pitcher he did in such a short amount of time. This time, the young prospect is leaving the house and not coming to the house. So that's like comparing apples to oranges...or Anna Benson's cantaloupes.)

The sun is no longer shining. Night has fallen. And Lastings Milledge is on the Acela to Washington. How ironic the Mets get a guy named Church...because it's going to take a Hail Mary to get that ace pitcher now.

(And no, Livan Hernandez doesn't count.)