Yes You Can

Already, the excuses:

Mets VP Tony Bernazard said if the Mets strike out through free agency or trade, they're prepared to potentially use Bobby Parnell or Eddie Kunz in the closing role.

"Why not? What's wrong with that?" Bernazard asked. "You can't sign one of those guys, what are you going to do - not play?"

In case you haven't noticed ... America voted for change.

First stop is your bullpen, Tony.

We want change in your bullpen ... or you and Omar go the way of every other old administration that's been voted out before they get another four years.

While You Were Out

So here I am in the Meadowlands thinking I was going to be far away from any bullpen problems the Mets would have (and as I saw courtesy of my DVR, they indeed had their problems before finally winning.) But when Paul Raymond dropped what would have been the winning touchdown against the Redskins, and Mike Nugent hit the upright on a field goal at the buzzer (who the hell plays for the tie in a pre-season game ... oh, right. It's the Jets) can you blame me for thinking that Raymond and Nugent were kidnapped, tied up and left in the upper tank of the Meadowlands, and replaced by Aaron Heilman and Scott Schoeneweis? I mean, the Jets closed out that game as if they were ... well, the Mets. Can you be positive that didn't happen? Maybe that wasn't Heilman warming up in the bullpen in the ninth in Pittsburgh. Maybe it was a C.I.A. operative. Maybe it's part of the intricate plot to keep Billy Wagner on the disabled list for a few extra days. Uh-oh, I've said too much.

At least the Phillies lost. And Brett Favre looked good. Not quite Pedro Martinez good, but good. Conspiracies aside, not a bad day.

Cousin Oliver Redux

Could Brian Stokes have been the key all along?

Now far be it from me to be the one to make excuses for the outfit in the pen and the way they've been going these days. Heck, during the early stages of the Mets' 10-0 lead tonight, when you were thinking if there was anyone out there who thought the Mets' bullpen could blow this lead, the answer was yes ... me! But here's what I'm thinking:

Forget the whole "different roles" thing. That's an excuse. A lame one at that. But could it be ... just maybe ... that the whole reason the bullpen has reaked of fresh roadkill is due to the lack of a long option in the pen?

When Darren Oliver played here in '06, the Mets' record in games he's pitched in was 17-28. Look through his game log and you'll see a lot of the scores of the games he's been in are of the 15-2, 11-3, 10-1 variety. Now, go through this season and check out the boxscores of similar games with similar scores. For example: May 12th against the Nationals, where the game was decided by the sixth inning:

Sosa 1 IP
Sanchez 1 IP
Smith 1 IP
Wagner 1 IP

How about two days earlier, a game which was 10-3 after six innings:

Heilman 1 IP
Feliciano 1 IP
Sosa (Who's this Sosa guy?) 1 IP

Even July 3rd, a game with was 11-0 after five and a half.

Schoeneweis 1 IP
Smith 1 IP

Games like this in 2006 saw Darren Oliver eat inning, after inning, after inning. The above blowouts featured names that would be better serve to use their limited bullets on close games, and not blowouts (though the Heilman appearance was very well one of those "I need to find my game" appearances. Apparently, he lost it again.)

Tonight was one of those games that you knew was going to be a patchwork bullpen game with John Maine restricted in his first game back from his shoulder issue. And in a game without Brian Stokes, even with the score 10-0 (which would end 12-0) you would have seen Schoeneweis pitch an inning ... Filthy pitch an inning ... Smith pitch an inning ... heck, Jorge Sosa could have come in tonight just for laughs (Sosa is in the Seattle organization, in case you were wondering. I know you weren't. Heck, I wasn't until I was looking through old boxscores. How did I miss Jorge Sosa going to Seattle? Or should the question be: How could I not?)

But with Stokes on the roster, he fills the Darren Oliver role and gives the rest of the beleaguered some rest by pitching four innings and getting a save in a 12-0 game. And now I'm wondering if there's a way to keep Stokes on the roster when Country Time comes back. Which of course, there is ... with Eddie Kunz eligible to be sent down, and Fluff Castro probably overdue for a spot on the D.L.

And speaking of bullpens, notice how the Phillies bullpen melted late for the second night in a row? Yes, I felt dirty rooting for Chan Ho Park. Dirtier still rooting for Joe Torre. And dirtiest of all when Jeff Kent was up with the Dodgers down by two runs and second and third, and he lined one down the left field line to tie the game which was met with "Yes! Jeff!" A swear which was quickly followed by "I still hate you Jeff!!!", which is the baseball equivalent of blessing yourself after you swear which is what my grandmother did a lot ... thank you, Nana!

But we'll have to send the Dodgers some sort of bouquet of flowers of some sort for sweeping the Phillies and helping the Mets climb back into a tie for first. Hopefully Manny doesn't think it's lettuce and mistakenly eats it. Thank you, Nomar.

Symphony, Tragedy, And Cutlery

You ever get the feeling that the Mets bullpen could be a ride at Disneyworld?

Seriously, I know people that have been on the tower of terror so many times that it bores them. The Mets bullpen is the new Tower of Terror. Guaranteed to slay your spirit.

This may have topped 'em all. A Pirate team in town for one game on a rainout make up game ... a team that was 1-348 on the season when they give up the initial lead on the road, and was down 4-1 to Pedro Martinez and the Mets after six innings. It was a symphony.

Then came the bullpen. Tragedy.

And then the cutlery ... that needs to be kept out of my possession (along with all shoelaces and belts).

It's never good when the game plan of a bullpen is "Hey, let's not let Luis Rivas beat us!" But that's how they pitched to him ... like he was Luis Aparicio.

And you know what, silly me ... and silly everybody ... thinking that Aaron Heilman's problem is that he gets down on himself and mopey when he doesn't pitch important innings. Aaron Heilman's problem is that he stinks to high hell. There's no psychology involved. Freud can go back to his therapy couch in heaven and aim for a more realistic goal. There's nothing more he can do.

For the rest of them? If you subscribe to the theory that these clowns aren't successful because they're in the wrong roles with Wagner out ... a theory I don't subscribe to (poor babies), but if you do, then shouldn't Eddie Kunz, who's closed in the minors, be closing? But I don't know. I'm stupid to begin with, and I'm running out of answers. I just hope that the Mets relievers don't take side jobs as knife throwers in the circus. They'd kill people ...

... in the audience.

The Moment

I call it: "The Bernie Mac Moment".

It's that moment whenever we're in Las Vegas (where we were over the last five days) where you realize "wow ... I'm in Vegas". It comes from the scene in Ocean's Eleven where one moment, Frank Catton is faking a cough to get transferred to Vegas ... the next moment, he's smiling with his shades on in a cab on his way to the strip. Yes, he's made it.

(It's a moment made more timely, unfortunately, due to Bernie's recent health problems.)

If the time I spent away has produced a certain theme ... you know, besides dumb plays and Randy Wolf kicking our butts ... it's a whole bunch of new faces having their own "Bernie Mac Moments", getting in a cab to Shea Stadium smiling ... perhaps with shades on ... because they're in the show.

Danny Murphy.

Eddie Kunz.

Ruddy Lugo.

Jon Niese. (Perhaps on Saturday.)

It's the by-product of Omar Minaya's thinking that the chips he's got in the minors aren't worth anything that was on the market at the trade deadline. Arthur Rhodes? As capable of imploding as anybody the Mets have in their bullpen ... yes, even as capable as Aaron Heilman. No, Omar's job isn't on the line if these young kids don't come through ... but it certainly comes across as a sink or swim decision, doesn't it? Not only does Omar believe in these kids enough not to trade them for the likes of Arthur Rhodes, he believes in the kids enough to give them major league roles in a major league pennant race.

And notice that those names don't include the one name that would have made some people happy for the sake of making them happy: Fernando Martinez. So no, these aren't moves made to appease the public. These are moves, while out of necessity first and foremost, that also mirror Minaya's belief in this system that so many trash on a daily basis. It's belief that borders on stubbornness. But considering what was out there, Minaya could have done a whole lot worse than stand pat.

Except if these kids fall flat. Then they'll be back in the minors faking coughs ... waiting for that next "Bernie Mac Moment" that may never come.