Now that the Mets have been officially eliminated from playoff consideration, I know many of you feel the need to find a bandwagon to buy a ticket to during the 2005 stretch run. "Who should I throw my support behind to make the postseason watchable?" is probably what you're asking yourself.Well if you truly need a bandwagon, and if it's going to get you to sleep at night, I have devised a scientific system to help you find your "baseball chi". Call it "DeKoonig's lost theory"::
Here's the scoring system:
If you're a former Met not named Carl Everett or Timo Perez: +1
If you once stole a base off of Mariano Rivera to start a comeback from 0-3 down and defeat them in the ALCS: +1
If you're a Yankee: -1
If you're a former Yankee: -1 (If you're Aaron Boone, make it -2)
If you wear a uniform that says "Braves": -1
If you're a former Brave: -1
If you have ever been the World Series MVP against the Mets: -2
If you have ever hit Mike Piazza in the head with a pitch: -2
If you have ever hit Mike Piazza with two pitches, and ran away when he charged the mound (the Guillermo Mota rule): -2
If you're a member of the Metstradamus Hall of Hate: -3
Using this scoring system and the rosters from ESPN website, here are the team wide scoring totals among squads who still have a realistic chance, letting you know who you should root for (feel free to double check my totals):
San Diego Padres: -2Los Angeles Angels: -3
Boston Red Sox: -3
Philadelphia Phillies: -3
St. Louis Cardinals: -3
Cleveland Indians: -4
Chicago White Sox: -4
Houston Astros: -6
New York Yankees: -41
Atlanta Braves: -45
The Angels were at zero until I took managers into effect, and Mike Scioscia IS in the hall of hate...Bruce Bochy is also a former Met (albeit for ten minutes), so the official bandwagon has changed from the Angels to the San Diego Padres, who win out with a score of -2. So the Padres are now the official pick to root for half heartedly until they are eliminated.
5 comments:
Very useful, carefully researched information two days in a row. Thank you.
A prophecy for you: Which player will overachieve by leaps and bounds during the playoffs this year, causing a team to overpay for his services next season?
Pedro Astacio?
Metstra,
All bullshit aside - great article. I read the link to the Hall of Hate, not having seen that before and was frankly, shocked by how brilliant it was.
Not that I didn't think you were capable of it but to read it, well, maybe like that homer that Castro hit against the Phillies when we still thought we were riding high and had a chance, seeing it was believing it.
You are always a surprising writer and those are the best kind in my book.
Now if you can recite the lyrics to "The Piano Has Been Drinking" by Tom Waits you will be officially, my postscoring system season.
Keep up the good work mate and for all of you who can do something I can't (go to Shea), please, GO to one of those Colorado Rockies games that close out the season and write back to me about what you thought about it, what you saw, how you can put me there where I can't be.
I'll post them all unedited, on Archie Bunker's Army so send them.
I liked it better when you had the Angels as the bandwagon team. It drives me insane that a team with a losing record is going to win the NL West and is allowed into the playoffs.
Kyle,
I'm tempted to go with Morgan Ensberg but I will ultimately choose Jason Marquis.
Jaap,
Thanks as always. The compliments I have gotten have made me realize I did the right thing by starting a blog. And as for surprising, it always surprises me that I can put a coherent sentence together at 3AM...but I justify that by telling myself that it's only midnight in Vegas.
Joe,
I liked it better when it was the Angels too. But ignoring the fact that Mike Scioscia manages the Anaheim Angels would blow what little credibility I have. I couldn't do it.
I echo all compliments but without having done the necessary figuring, I have to dock the Padres 40 points for having Joe Randa.
Go Whichever Team Plays The Skanks!
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