Monday, September 19, 2005
Honey, I'm Home!
Wife: Honey, is that you?
Husband: Yeah, it's me.
Wife: Where've you been?
Husband: Out walking.
Wife: Oh...(long pause)...you were with her, weren't you?
Husband: No.
Wife: Oh come on! Do you take me for a fool? I just don't do it for you anymore, do I?
I lived this conversation today. You see, this was my mistress.
My wife? The New York Mets.
Yeah, I cheated today. I cheated on the old ball and chain that I have been trying to reconcile with since April 4th. But while the Mets are the old standby that will always be there, my mistress is that once a week fling that gives me that exciting three hour date that's full of surprises.
So I cheated. I missed the Mets. I missed Tom Glavine's complete game. I missed Cliff Floyd's two run HR. I missed Victor Diaz batting second. I missed Anderson Hernandez's major league debut where he left 5 men on base.
The Mets make me a beautiful roast and I'm out having cocktails with my mistress. I come home and the roast is cold.
I do feel bad.
I feel like I have cheated on all of you.
Here are some flowers.
I'm sorry...it will not happen again.
(fingers crossed behind back)
Husband: Yeah, it's me.
Wife: Where've you been?
Husband: Out walking.
Wife: Oh...(long pause)...you were with her, weren't you?
Husband: No.
Wife: Oh come on! Do you take me for a fool? I just don't do it for you anymore, do I?
I lived this conversation today. You see, this was my mistress.
My wife? The New York Mets.
Yeah, I cheated today. I cheated on the old ball and chain that I have been trying to reconcile with since April 4th. But while the Mets are the old standby that will always be there, my mistress is that once a week fling that gives me that exciting three hour date that's full of surprises.
So I cheated. I missed the Mets. I missed Tom Glavine's complete game. I missed Cliff Floyd's two run HR. I missed Victor Diaz batting second. I missed Anderson Hernandez's major league debut where he left 5 men on base.
The Mets make me a beautiful roast and I'm out having cocktails with my mistress. I come home and the roast is cold.
I do feel bad.
I feel like I have cheated on all of you.
Here are some flowers.
I'm sorry...it will not happen again.
(fingers crossed behind back)
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7 comments:
Metstradamus
In the interest of giving your readers full disclosure regarding your poll question, should it not be noted that Tom Glavine is 3-20 against the Marlins, Phillies and Braves as a Met?
This is why people at work have nicknamed him "The Spy."
Yes, it should be duly noted.
Hi Metsradumus-What you need is a new best friend to cover you with your wife when you are with your mistress: TIVO.
So if the Mets are your wife and the Jets your mistress....what will you call the $tranger$?
Mario
Mario,
They're the cheap trick.
a brett,
I think I can handle providing snarky comments!
Thanks and welcome!
Cad.
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