Monday, September 19, 2005

Honey, I'm Home!

Wife: Honey, is that you?
Husband: Yeah, it's me.
Wife: Where've you been?
Husband: Out walking.
Wife: Oh...(long pause)...you were with her, weren't you?
Husband: No.
Wife: Oh come on! Do you take me for a fool? I just don't do it for you anymore, do I?

I lived this conversation today. You see, this was my mistress.

My wife? The New York Mets.

Yeah, I cheated today. I cheated on the old ball and chain that I have been trying to reconcile with since April 4th. But while the Mets are the old standby that will always be there, my mistress is that once a week fling that gives me that exciting three hour date that's full of surprises.

So I cheated. I missed the Mets. I missed Tom Glavine's complete game. I missed Cliff Floyd's two run HR. I missed Victor Diaz batting second. I missed Anderson Hernandez's major league debut where he left 5 men on base.

The Mets make me a beautiful roast and I'm out having cocktails with my mistress. I come home and the roast is cold.

I do feel bad.

I feel like I have cheated on all of you.

Here are some flowers.

I'm sorry...it will not happen again.

(fingers crossed behind back)

8 comments:

metswalkoffs said...

Metstradamus

In the interest of giving your readers full disclosure regarding your poll question, should it not be noted that Tom Glavine is 3-20 against the Marlins, Phillies and Braves as a Met?

This is why people at work have nicknamed him "The Spy."

Metstradamus said...

Yes, it should be duly noted.

A Brett said...

Fun stuff Metsradamus. Glad to see at least some Mets fans have a sense of humor. I saw your link to our Brave-O-Matic website and wanted to say thanks. Hope you'll check in, and maybe drop us some snarky comments, during the play-offs. Being insulted is better than being ignored on the blogs.

Anonymous said...

Hi Metsradumus-What you need is a new best friend to cover you with your wife when you are with your mistress: TIVO.

Anonymous said...

So if the Mets are your wife and the Jets your mistress....what will you call the $tranger$?

Mario

Metstradamus said...

Mario,

They're the cheap trick.

Metstradamus said...

a brett,

I think I can handle providing snarky comments!

Thanks and welcome!

G-Fafif said...

Cad.