A Dark Chi In Johan's Knee

We take you to the locker room following the Mets 6-4 loss to the Orioles ...

RP: Psst. Johan. Johan!

JS: Rick? Rick Peterson? What are you doing in the laundry basket?

RP: I snuck in before the game.

JS: How did nobody catch you?

RP: I hid in Tim Redding's beard.

JS: No wonder he struggled tonight. Were you in his beard during the Red Sox game too?

RP: No but a machete, three kittens, and the Patriots practice squad were in there. Threw off his whole delivery.

JS: Why are you here?

RP: Johan, I have to warn you of impending doom. Your knee is completely messed up.

JS: How do you know this?

RP: Trust me Johan, I know about these things. I read some books on Eastern philosophy, and something is telling me that your knee isn't right. It's like I'm feeling some sort of tingling sensation.

JS: Are you Spiderman?

RP: My sense is telling me that your drop in velocity is attributed to an entire family of groundhogs living in your knee, slowly gnawing away at your ligaments.

JS: Listen Spiderman, if there were groundhogs living in my knee, the trainers would have found them.

RP: You trust these trainers? They told Ryan that his concussion was a dizzy spell. They told Carlos that his bum hip was just a bruise due to too much time playing the EA Active for Wii. And they also told Ramon Martinez that his hernia was indigestion and prescribed him Pepto Bismol.

JS: So what should I do?

RP: We need to go in the back and participate in some vedic chanting right away!

JS: I'm not chanting with you. I need to listen to 70's and 80's music on my iPod.

RP: Johan, you don't understand ... you need to be one with a higher power and will the groundhogs out of your knee.

JS: I like groundhogs, they're cute.

RP: Remember, "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle."

JS: Is that why I lost to the Yankees? Or was it my knee? I'm confused.

RP: "To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower, to hold infinity in the palm of the hand, and eternity in an hour."

JS: That fourth inning on Sunday was an eternity.

RP: "An unguarded minute has an accident in it."

JS: Okay Spidey listen, that last quote isn't Eastern Philosophy. It's Hall and Oates. My knee is fine and you're not my pitching coach anymore.

RP: Dammit Johan I'm a doctor not a pitching coach!

JS: You're not a doctor either ... and you're barely a philosopher.

RP: Damn!

JS: Umm, Ray? Mike? Omar? Can you help me here? Spiderman's trying to get me and I'm trying to listen to my iPod.

RR: All right Rick, let's go. Johan's knee is fine.

RP: No! You have to listen to me!!! There's a dark chi in Johan's knee!!! It must be exorcised!

OM: Rick, you were fired a year ago. Remember?

RP: I remember! Tuscany tiles bla bla bla but listen!!!

JS: (puts on iPod) "An unguarded minute ...WATCH OUT ... has an accident in it"

MH: Let's go Rick.

RP: No! NO!!! You have to listen to me!!! Bring me Perez!!! I CAN FIX HIM IN TEN MINUTES!!!!!

JS: "I'm a maaaaaaaaaaaan, yes I aaaaaaaam and I caaaaaaaan't help but love you so! No no no!"

Shoe, Meet Other Foot ... Other Foot, Shoe

Nice to see the other team make errors to give the Mets some free runs.

And that includes Aubrey Huff, who thought he was Braylon Edwards trying to catch a pop-up in the seventh inning which allowed the go-ahead runs to score in a 6-4 Mets win over the Orioles. I guess since the Mets have been linked to Huff's name in potential trade talks, Aubrey wanted to show that he belongs in Flushing.

Yeah sure, let's trade for him. He'd fit right in.

But no fear ... if Huff does come to the Mets and does something like that, we now know that David Wright will yell at him in the dugout, like he did with Mike Pelfrey tonight after Pelfrey was pulled from the game for losing his stuff in the sixth ... and it was stuff that was no-hit quality in the first three innings. See, Sugar Pants is more than just a pretty face ... he's a leader too.

You know what David Wright is not? A doctor. And neither is former pitching coach Rick Peterson, though he wants to play one on TV. Well, Johan Santana thinks Peterson should stick to his day job.

"How did he know that my knee hurts? That's the question that I have. You guys tell me -- how did he find that out? Because it is crazy. Not even the trainers know. Not even me. I didn't know my knee hurts."

Oh that's right, Peterson doesn't have a day job. In fact, he hasn't had a day job in exactly one year, at least as a pitching guru. (And speaking of anniversaries, June 16th of '08 was Mike Pelfrey's first win in about two months, which was followed by the firing of Peterson and Willie Randolph. June 16th of '09 was Pelfrey's first win in a little over a month ... and although Snoop Manuel isn't in any trouble that we know of, Manny Acta is. All together now ... ooooooooooooh"). Aww ... Happy anniversary, Willie and Rick. Sorry I forgot to send cards. But for you, Rick, I'll light a candle at 3:11 AM in remembrance of the hardwood floor that you helped lay down ... right before it was ripped up with the rest of Shea.

You know what, I feel like some Rick Peterson nostalgia on this one year anniversary:

"I don’t really want to answer questions. I just want to say that I came here five years ago, and Fred and Jeff [Wilpon] gave me a wonderful opportunity. I left Oakland to come here to be with my kids on the East Coast and it’s been wonderful. I appreciated the opportunity and they welcomed me into their home and the home is going through renovation. Sometimes you have to make changes when things don’t go that well, and I’m part of that change. I totally understand that. I grew up in the baseball business, and I’m the hardwood floor that’s getting ripped out and they’re going to bring in the Tuscany tile.

And it will be great. My heart and soul is with every pitcher that I've dealt with here. They’ll always be in my heart and soul. It’s that kind of relationship. I’m sad for that. But I’m also happy for them. There’s a lot of guys on the right track that I hope they stay on the right track. And there’s a lot of guys that are off the track that I hope Dan Warthen can get them back on track.

This is a team that’s underachieved and I think it will get back on track.

I wear this bracelet because I’m very in tune with Eastern philosophy and universal law. This is faith. This is compassion, equanimity, and love. And in Eastern writing, they write in symbols and the symbol for problem and crisis they also use for opportunity. I've been given a great opportunity here, and once I walk out that door, I’ll seek my next opportunity. I walk out in peace and I wish everybody else here the best – Jerry Manuel, Omar Minaya, Fred and Jeff.

And hopefully the Tuscany tile will do a lot better than the hardwood floor. Thank you so much." -Rick Peterson, June 17, 2008

Just so you know Rick, the Tuscany tile is working out just fine. Except half the team is on the DL after slipping on it.

Good Ol' Rick Must Have Left A Little Zen Behind

I was watching the Marlins game after Damion Easley beat the Rockies with another late home run, and the announcers for FOX Florida were having a discussion about whether coaches belong in baseball's Hall of Fame. You have managers, GM's, announcers ... why not coaches? Well, I'm not ready to put Dan Warthen in the Hall yet. But if he did something with Aaron Heilman which enabled him to toe the rubber with steel testicles and get out of jams like he did last night, then Warthen deserves something much better than the Hall of Fame. I'll nominate the man for a Nobel Peace Prize. How many angry mobs has Warthen potentially avoided in one fell swoop.

By the way, doesn't the picture scream "Courtship of Eddie's Father"? You know, "People let me tell ya 'bout my best friend" Trust me. Play the video, and look at the picture. If it doesn't bring a tear to your eye, then you're just not human.

Back With A Venegance (If You Can Call It That)

I was originally going to title this entry: "Boy Do The Phillies Stink". There's a headline that would have gotten me a few hundred more hits on this here web.

A headline that would read more accurately, like "Phillies Struggles Enable Mets To Climb Back Into Race", doesn't exactly have that "juice". Also, it's too long. So to you Phillie fans whose eyes are all bulging while reading this, and getting ready to call me every nasty name in creation, calm down and go back to your cheesesteaks. Your team is still quite awesome.

But even the most insane of the Philadelphia lot would have to admit that their team hasn't been that awesome in their last seven games (1-6), and a funny thing has happened because of that. Week one of the Jerry Manuel era has seen the Mets gain three games on the Phillies. It's not that the Mets have been tearing up the league ... Gangsta Ball is only 3-2. But the Phils are 0-5 in that time, and their little mini-slump has tightened the division and brought the Mets to within 3.5 games ... coincidentally this week of all weeks, exactly when the Mets needed it. Just enough to string us along, and keep hope alive.

The Phillies recent struggles (with Chase Utley and the rest of the bats, of all things) remind me ... and should remind you ... that this is indeed a long season. And I don't mean in the "dammit, when do the Jets open training camp" kinda way, but in the "I gotta stop having a conniption fit when the Mets lose three in a row" way. The Mets go down the roller coaster, then they go up the roller coaster. And every once in a while, the Phillies hit an air pocket and the Mets are back in the race. It didn't seem possible when I woke to the news that Willie Randolph was fired on a sunny Tuesday morning.

But in a world where we're slowly learning to trust Mike Pelfrey more than we trust Pedro Martinez, then I guess anything is possible. (Of course, that includes losing two out of three to the worst team in baseball, starting Monday night.)

***

Jerry Manuel is bizarre. Either that, or he's been reading some of those Zen books that Rick Peterson left behind. Consider:

Asked how the struggling Heilman was holding up under constant booing at Shea this year, Manuel said: "It's very, very fertile ground for growth in Shea Stadium. It's fertile ground for a team's growth and development. Sometimes, fertile ground has fertilizer ... Fertilizer is a good thing," Manuel said before the Mets' afternoon contest against the Rockies. "It's a good thing. You get the greatest results - get the most beautiful plants - when you put it in that type of fertile soil. That's what we have the opportunity to do."

***

Sadly fitting that while writing a baseball blog entry where I mention the Jets, I find out that the man who gave us "Baseball vs. Football" is gone.

In baseball, the object is to go home. George Carlin has gone home.

Of course, considering Carlin's many bits on religion, I'm not quite sure where home is for George. But here's hoping that wherever it is, that George Carlin is indeed, safe at home.



Rest in peace. You were one of the greats.

Mob Mentality

The movie Goodfellas was on the other day. I was really tired and wanted (needed) to take a nap to refresh myself, but Goodfellas is one of the movies on my list that I inevitably stop what I'm doing to watch whenever it's on. When I can't make it through the whole thing, the scene I at least try to make it through is the one where Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) thinks he's being made ... and Jimmy Conway (Robert De Niro) is like a proud father waiting by the pay phone to find out when the deed was done. Except he found out it was the wrong deed when Tommy was whacked instead of made. And Jimmy made the phone call only to hear "Nah, there was a problem ... It's done, and ain't nothing can be done about it." And then Jimmy gets mad and beats the phone into the receiver.

When I got home from work Monday night at about a quarter past two in the morning, I wasn't expecting to wake up with any sort of earth shattering news. But I was reasonably sure that I was going to wake up to Willie Randolph being the manager of the Mets. That's why I wrote this during the game. It was satire. I was kidding.

I woke up instead at 6:30AM (entirely too early) with a kiss from my wife ... and three words whispered: "Willie Randolph's gone."

The first thing I thought of was the classic scene from Goodfellas. Because finding out about it the way that I did felt like a mob hit. There was a problem (actually, a few problems) and the deed was done. Ain't nothing can be done about it. Only instead of revenge for Billy Batts, it was punishment for lack of bats.

I spent today probably the same way most of you spent the day ... lamenting about the classless way that this was handled by the Mets. You know, making Randolph fly all the way to the left coast to fire him after one day, and then hear from Omar Minaya that it was because of the circus that had enveloped the team this past weekend (as if the previous month was a scene from Masterpiece Theatre) and that he wanted an extra day to "sleep on it" after he had made the decision Sunday (apparently not having a pocket schedule with him at the time), and also that he didn't want to fire somebody at the ballpark so he waited until Randolph got to the hotel to do it, hence the late hour. Oh, and did I mention the fact that he wanted Randolph to hear it from Minaya himself and not the media, even though the cat seemed to be already peeking out of the bag?

Classless? Yes.

Vapid and thoughtless? Certainly seems that way no matter what Omar says.

But let me ask a question of you. And ask this of yourself honestly: What did you expect?

I don't mean that in the "well the Wilpons have done this kind of non-sensical stuff before" sense, but in the "baseball is a business" sense. Baseball was bought and paid for a long time ago. It's been hammered in our heads that baseball is a business for a lot of years. And guess what: This kind of stuff happens all the time in the business world. So why wouldn't you expect this to happen though the thin veil of the public trust that baseball is supposed to fall under but never really seems to?

Yeah, it sucks. It sucks to be Willie Randolph tonight. The manner in which Randolph lost his job, whether you believe he should have ultimately lost his job or not, sucks. But in retrospect, we shouldn't have been surprised. And you ask why you should have sympathy for Willie, who lost his job while having a significant nest egg to fall back on while the rest of us struggle with our everyday jobs?

Because if the Wilpons do this to Willie Randolph, a supposed member of their baseball family, imagine how they'll treat you. Well, you don't have to imagine, between tiered pricing and $8 beers and waiting every last minute during a rain delay to sell those beers before announcing the cancellation of the game. So you already know that it's a business.

Oh, players like Tom Glavine will tell you that he originally signed by the Mets because the Wilpons were all about family ... but then they let this happen. Because to the Wilpons ... who are the one common thread woven through the likes of Al Harazin, Jeff Torborg, Bobby Bonilla, firecrackers, bleach, marijuana in peanut butter jars, Mike Piazza to first base, Shane Spencer and Karim Garcia instead of Vladimir Guerrero, and all of the underachieving, dysfunctional clubhouses we've been graced with over the last 20 years ... letting Randolph twist in the wind before firing him in the middle of the night is just murder by numbers at this point.

Now if you have a taste for this experience
And you're flushed with your very first success
Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less
-Murder by Numbers/The Police

Omar was right about one thing: It's not about the shortcomings of Willie Randolph. It usually isn't about the shortcomings of one person when a whole team is going badly, or not as good as they are going on paper. Changing a manager is like pulling a goalie in the NHL. It's usually not because the goalie himself is going bad, but because the team in front of him is skating in molasses or glue and making the goalie look bad. The Mets have been skating in molasses and glue since Memorial Day of '07. Or if you really want to find the true seminal moment, since Cecil Wiggins slammed into Filthy Sanchez's cab the night before the deadline in 2006. Randolph has made questionable moves ... as I'm sure all managers have in that time frame. But the team sure as hell has made him and his moves look bad.

I've admitted in the past that maybe it's been time for that new voice. And certainly, the Mets have had plenty of chances to relieve Randolph of his duties in a way that doesn't make the organization look like bumbling fools. But those at least as old as me know that the Mets don't do things the easy way. Even when the net is wide open they always seem to clang one off the post. The organizational types had plenty of chances this season to dump Willie the right way and give their fans a sign that they're not ready to give up the season and are ready to do anything they have to do to change the voice and charge up their roster.

Instead, they give their fans a peek into their vapid thought process, and have embarrassed them along the way. They make Willie sit through these awkward news conferences to announce that he wasn't losing his job, like that movie that tried to tell the story of the late night wars of the early nineties but ended up being one of those strange cult movies that also ... strangely ... is one of those movies that I watch whenever it's on. (Goodfellas and The Late Shift: the only time you'll see those two movies in the same sentence.) Where Jay Leno says that "hey, we've all gathered here at this news conference, and I have the job! We're here to celebrate the fact I haven't been fired yet!"

Instead, they fire Randolph after a 2,500 mile plane ride and one day in Anaheim. Good job, boys.

Instead, they fire Randolph, Rick Peterson, and Tom Nieto (an arbitrary choice if there ever was one), to try to put a charge in this roster. And Ken Oberkfell, who has been promoted to the coaching staff after managing in the Mets' minor league system for 13 years, joins the major league squad ... and would most likely be fired as part of a purge if there's a new GM next year. Way to see the fruits of 13 seasons riding buses in the minors.

And instead, Jose Reyes ... who's development has been tied to Randolph for years, and is one of the players expected to improve after Randolph's dismissal ... develops a beef with Manuel one play into the new era. One f***ing play! Manuel takes out Reyes as a precaution after he was flexing his leg a bit and tried to work through it. But Manuel, who wants to keep the roster fresh, saw taking out Reyes as an opportunity. Reyes threw a mini-fit and sulked off.

This gives you confidence for the rest of the season?

And there you have it. The Jerry Manuel era: kicked off with a fresh controversy, Reyes' injury replacement forgetting to cover second base on a successful pickoff play, and a rousing six singles. Not really the desired effect. And guess what folks: it's guaranteed to last the rest of the year ... the same guarantee that Randolph couldn't get because, in Minaya's words: "what if I gave Willie the guarantee for the rest of the year and then the club lost fifteen in a row?"

"You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody: You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.: You understand? We were good fellas."

Manuel, for the record, is only fourteen losses away from that mob mentality kicking in again.

Breaking News

With the Mets 2-0 lead in the top of the first inning against the Angels, sources are reporting that Willie Randolph will be the Mets manager through the bottom of the first.

Update: After the Angels scored in the bottom of the first, the Wilpons have given Omar Minaya the option of firing Rick Peterson and replacing him with the Rally Monkey.

Update: The Mets' 3-1 lead in the third means that Minaya has called off orders to shoot Tom Nieto on sight. Nieto has gone out to the coaching box without his kevlar.

Update: Carlos Beltran has just hit his second home run of the night as the DH to give the Mets a 4-1 lead. Hank Steinbrenner has just been quoted as saying that he no longer likes the DH rule.

Update: Hitting coach Howard Johnson's job is tenous after concern that offensive production has gone down in each of the Mets' last four innings. Two runs in the first, one run on two hits in the second, one run on one hit in the third, and no runs in the fourth. Minaya has said that "Johnson is my hitting coach, and we will continue to re-evaluate as we go."

Update: Mets brass are privately blaming Willie Randolph over Carlos Delgado's decision to come home on a ground ball with runners on first and third, which may or may not have led to two Angels runs in the bottom of the fourth. The Wilpons are reportedly putting together a list of potential replacements for Randolph.

Update: Tom Nieto was reportedly seen in the tunnel putting his kevlar back on sometime during the last two innings.

Update: Luis Castillo's two run single and David Wright's RBI double in the seventh has convinced Omar and the Wilpons that Howard Johnson should remain the hitting coach for the remainder of the game.

Update: The latest implosion of the Mets bullpen in the bottom of the seventh inning to close the gap to 8-6 has forced the Wilpons to step up their search for a new manager. Brass is torn between Wally Backman of the Joliet Jackhammers, and Tim Teufel of the Savannah Sand Gnats. Omar Minaya has even suggested a platoon system where Backman would be the manager against righties, and Teufel would be the manager against lefties.

Update: The Mets escaped with a 9-6 victory, Mike Pelfrey's first win in more than a month ... but a ninth inning rally off of Billy Wagner has caused some concern over the job that Willie Randolph is doing. The Wilpons and Omar Minaya have refused to shoot down the notion that the Mets coaching staff will be replaced by the cast of "The Hills" for Tuesday night's game.

They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Haaa!

It's becoming evident that Willie Randolph has gone completely insane.

It's not his fault. But circumstances are driving him to the asylum.

Of course, it doesn't help that Sandy Alomar Sr. had the kind of flashback that makes slow catchers look eerily similar to Lou Brock during Game 1 of the double dip against the Rangers. But here's Willie Randolph on Alomar's decision to send Brian Schneider home on a short fly ball to Milton Bradley in the eighth which basically blew any Mets chance at a comeback:

"In retrospect, he was thrown out by a lot (at home), so it probably wasn't a definite good send," said Randolph, who served as the Yankees' third base coach for 10 years. "But it's lonely over there at third base, and you make a decision. The throw was good, but it didn't put a damper on that inning right there."

It's lonely?

Wait a second, shouldn't that mean that instead of having lots of friends around to talk to, that Sandy Alomar Sr. would have extra time to, oh I don't know, think about why sending a catcher home on a short fly ball would be a bad idea? Lonely??? Alomar made a bad read because he was lonely? Sandy Alomar Sr. needs to go on eHarmony.com?

"Go Schneider! Run like the wind! I want to be lonely again!!! Booooooooooorn Freeeeeeeeee! As free as the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind bloooooooooooooows!"

Koo-koo! Koo-koo! Koo-koo!

(Or is that ... Dae Sung Koo-Koo?)

Then, after Robinson Cancel saved Randolph's bacon by getting a pinch-hit two run single in the sixth giving the Mets the lead for good in game 2 while everyone in the stands were chanting for Pedro Martinez to stay in the game (and saved the Mets from the awful stat that the team is 0-9 when being tied after six innings), Randolph says this:

"Because of the rainout, yeah it almost felt like we went one for three really ... but the record shows otherwise so we'll take it."

Willie Randolph has become one of those chain smokers that can't enjoy food anymore because he's smoked so much that everything tastes like tar and menthol. Even a series win feels like a series loss to Randolph. That's not supposed to happen to a manager until he's been around 25 years. Willie hasn't even managed four.

That ... my friends ... is what working for this organization will get you. Fewer brain cells. So yes, fire Willie. Fire Willie Randolph so he can regain his sanity and get a cushy job as Joe Torre's bench coach. Save him from a fate of sneaking on team flights in disguises so he can't be fired.

Fire Rick Peterson so he can become Barry Zito's love guru. (Or maybe he'll go to San Diego and straighten out Heath Bell's fastball again).

Fire Tom Nieto so he can go to another organization and a whole other fan base can forget that he works for them until it's time to fire seven coaches.

Fire them all. Except Jerry Manuel, that is. Yes, by all means promote Jerry Manuel ... who outside of one division title in 2000 is a .500 manager ... a perfect match for a .500 roster. He'll fire up the troops just fine.

Yes, give us Jerry. Arm him with more of the weapons of Omar Minaya's past ... such as Tony Armas Jr. And bring back the rest of the Expo luminaries: Shane Andrews. Fernando Seguignol. Orlando Merced. Wilton Guerrero. Trace Coquillette. And what's Mel Rojas doing these days, anyway?

Bring 'em back. That'll do the trick.

Ah, f**k. Guess I've gone crazy too. And I haven't even flown back and forth from the west coast every other week. Think how Willie feels.

Most be lonely on those flights.

High Speed Fitness

Today, Willie Randolph helped launch Be Fit NYC, a search engine to help New Yorkers find fitness activities wherever they are in the five boroughs.

Meanwhile, in a dark clubhouse, Moises Alou turned to Marlon Anderson and said "You know what Marlon, Willie has a good idea. Let's be fit from now on". Hence, they both returned to active duty today.

(Note: Fluff Castro would have been in that conversation, but he thought Tuesday night's game was 7PM Munich time ... and he also thought it was Monday. So he came to Shea, played, and went home before anyone else even arrived at the park. Castro, somehow, went 0 for 4 in an empty ballpark ... while hitting off a tee. Oh, and he tweaked an imaginary muscle getting thrown out at first base by imaginary fielders while trying to beat out a bunt which, it's worth repeating, came off a tee. If he had "been fit", this would never have happened.)

I wonder if the game in Castro's head was any better than the actual game, a 5-1 Mets lead into a 9-5 Mets loss to Arizona, complete with a rain delay, making sure that fans had to make a choice between leaving during a tie game and making their train and staying until the bitter end. And some made the right choice.

By leaving.

For the rest of us, the Mets have become one of those high speed chases you see on the news every once in a while ... the ones that almost always take place in either Los Angeles or Texas. You're watching it, and you know it's going to end badly for the perp. Because let's face it: once you're on television and the helicopters are following you, you're not getting away. So you know it's going to be a bad ending. But what do you do? You watch anyway. Because you have to know how it's going to end. Will the driver run out of gas and come out peacefully? Will the driver slow down like he's going to surrender and then back up into the police car before speeding away again thinking they're all slick? When the cops stop the perp, will they put a major league beating on them?

At least with the Mets, you know the major league beatings are coming ... every night. But you can't turn away. How will the chase end? Who gets the ultimate beatdown at the end of it all? Willie? The Jacket? Hojo? Omar? Because under the glare of the helicopter that is New York, nobody will get away. They're all on the table for a beatdown at the side of the road. And you and I will have front row seats at our televisions to watch the carnage go down ... all season long.

(Editor's note: Don't expect any help from the minors ... your New Orleans Zephyrs were one-hit by the likes of Brandon Duckworth in a 13-0 loss last night. Great.)

Fly Ollie To The Moon

There has been a lot of justified whining over the re-scheduling of Sunday night's game from a 1PM to an 8PM affair, meaning a late night cross-country flight without a day off. It's justified because unlike the Mets and the Dodgers, ESPN had matchups to choose from between two teams that weren't traveling anywhere the next day (like the Red Sox and Orioles).

But don't blame ESPN for Monday night's brutal loss which featured a six run Giants first inning courtesy of Ollie Perez, because Perez flew to San Francisco at least a day beforehand!

And don't blame jet lag for Ollie Perez's flat and fat fastball, because his fastball has been flat and fat pretty much all season. The only fielders that needed to be awake in the first inning were the fans in the left field bleachers. And I think they had a pep in their step.

And don't blame Carlos Muniz (as Keith Hernandez did) for taking the wind out of the Mets' sails when he gave up four runs and when the game was already halfway out the door in the sixth and seventh. Because Carlos Muniz is a AAA pitcher (literally, as it was made official after the game that Muniz is down to make room for Pedro Martinez.)

Meanwhile, Perez is going to get a gazillion dollar contract next season ... even after Glavining up that first inning on Monday. (I mean really, Oliver ... Brian f***ing Horwitz?)

There has been some discussion from the pundits about whether Omar Minaya needs to make a trade that will change the face of the team midseason, a-la 2004 when Theo Epstein traded Nomar Garciaparra to the Cubs and everybody thought he was insane before the Red Sox went on to sweep the Yankees (in games 4-7) and go on to win the Series. If Minaya is to make a trade like this, it is now painfully clear that it has to involve Perez. No, Perez isn't the pitching equivalent of the 2004 version of Nomar Garciaparra. Nomar, though hurt that season (and every season since) was a .300 hitter in '04. No, Oliver Perez isn't even the pitching equivalent of flippin' Rey Ordonez right now.

So no, there's no Orlando Cabreras to be had for Perez. They'd be lucky to get Doug Mientkiewicz (yes, he was part of the Nomar deal). But Perez is going to be someone else's problem anyway next season, as Scott Boras is going to get some sucker to pay Carlos Silva money to get him and his "potential" on the free agent market next season.

He's got potential to throw in-game batting practice is what he's got. And if there's any chance that the Mets could get anything better than the compensatory draft picks they would get by losing Ollie to a city that has his SoCal comfort zone vibe going, even if it's for dimes on the dollar then Omar should really think about pulling the trigger and giving someone other than me (and Rick Peterson) headaches.

Old Acquaintance Should, In Fact, Be Forgot

My sources are reporting that the Mets have hired respected scientists to take DNA from Endy Chavez's baseball mitt, Filthy Sanchez's goggles, and Jose Lima's Loreal to try to clone 2006. Reports say that the Mets, who are deathly afraid of what 2008 might bring, have hired the same scientists who made cats glow in the dark, so there's a chance that this could happen.


Rick Peterson says don't drink and drive on New Year's Eve ... that means YOU, Cecil.

Ollie's Oxens Are Available (But Never Free)

At least his passes aren't free...not today.

Consider this the "duh statement of the day" but...what a contrast from his last start, where he became the first pitcher in Mets history to walk or hit five straight hitters, to Saturday, where he threw twenty straight strikes. If Oliver Perez was on the PBA tour, that would be close to two perfect games in a row, which would approach Johnny Vander Meer's baseball record.

And while it's pointless to mention Johnny Vander Meer in the same breath as a franchise who has gone almost one-half century without a no-hitter, Ollie's 7-2 win today is on par with Vander Meer's record as far as he's concerned...especially after his last game ten days ago.

Even when Perez is struggling, as he did slightly in the sixth and seventh today, at least he struggles on the side of getting hit, and not walking the park home. Make 'em hit the damn ball. That's what Perez did all right.

But good for him. I'm glad that someone located Perez's lost strike zone (probably Rick Peterson, the Dog Whisperer). Hopefully, Ollie keeps that thing chained up in the yard (though there will be days where it'll get loose and wander around the town again. Not too often, we hope.)

***

After his four for five today, would it be safe to say that Carlos Beltran is hitting a loud .385, while David Wright is hitting a quiet .290? The hoopla has surrounded Wright and his hitting streak, but it has been Beltran that has done the most damage (especially lately now that he's bringing in that runner from third with less than two outs with more regularity). Wright was moved to second in the order today as an offshoot of Paul Lo Duca's rest day (along with Fluff Castro's third home run of the season...that's a damn good offshoot).

Wright went oh for four, quietly.

***

From Friday night:

A 40-year-old man was arrested at Shea Stadium on Friday night after he tried to distract an Atlanta Braves pitcher and shortstop with a high-powered flashlight. Frank Martinez was charged with interference with a professional sporting event and second-degree reckless endangerment...

Interference with a professional sporting event? That sounds like Roberto Alomar's entire Met career. Can we have Robby arrested, please?

Grumpy Old Men

Thursday night was the first time that Statler and Waldorf pitched against each other.

Oh, sorry, that's Glavine and Moyer.

Luckily, the right muppet came out on top. I don't know whether Tom Glavine would be Statler or Waldorf, but he helped pitch the Mets to a 5-3 victory to take the series from the Phillies, despite giving up two home runs to new arch-enemy Jimmy Rollins. Luckily, a mechanical adjustment fixed that:

"I was rushing in my delivery and rushing to try to make pitches...After the second inning, when I threw my warmup pitches in the third inning, I kind of tried to make a little conscious adjustment and it felt good. It felt like my pitches were a little bit better during the warmup and just tried to go with it, and it seemed to work." -Tom Glavine

And there lies the difference between Glavine and say...Oliver Perez. Aah, you're groaning. I know some of you think I've given up on poor Ollie. And that's just not so. I haven't given up. But Oliver did lose the strike zone. All I wanted to do was provide a public service to help him find it. I was only trying to be being helpful.

But the only difference is that Glavine was able to figure out what he needs to do between innings, and is not totally dependant on Rick Peterson to tweak himself. Perez, meanwhile, seemed lonely out there on the mound, hoping to get out of the third inning so that he could get some Rick Peterson advice to get him through the fifth. If only he had gotten that third out, he might have made it. Instead, we saw one of the most painful innings that I had ever seen, because Perez was on an island with no life preservers near him.

It's the disadvantages of youth.

But Ollie could very well come back with another strong outing his next game with some tweaking from Peterson, and I'll be roasted for putting up that sign. I expect it. Hell I welcome it. That would mean that the Mets got themselves another victory.

***

I've gotta give Jimmy Rollins credit. He pissed off everyone in New York along with their mothers with his comment, but he backs it up by hitting the lights out of the ball. Good thing he's been pretty much the only one hitting consistently on that team or the Mets would have been in real trouble this series.

Instead they have gone 6-3 in the first nine games, which were thought to be a tough way to kick off the schedule. You would have taken that in a heartbeat, no? And now, the Nationals come to town and present a chance for the Mets to fatten up...especially now that the Nats have gotten their win for the week, bringing Atlanta back to the pack a little bit in the process.

Of course I say this, which means the Nats are going to come in and sweep the Mets because they're motivated to win in Manny Acta's former house. Nothing is a sure thing, but a sweep may be a must here. Something tells me that the fate of the other four teams in the division are going to be decided by how little (or how often) they lose to the Nationals. The Braves have one. Can the Mets take advantage?

Probably not, now that I've jinxed it. Good going soothsayer.