At about 11:00 every night (except for maybe a day off every three weeks), read "The Tortoise and the Hare". Don't read any other books except that one.
Because the Mets season is the same damn story all the time ... the script doesn't change:
- Score a bunch of runs in the first three or four innings.
- Take a nap.
- Watch the other team pass you at the end and celebrate off your bullpen.
"But Metstradamus, last night's game was a great game, I'd hardly call it the same old story".
Okay, so it was "The Tortoise and the Hare" adapted by Tolstoy. It doesn't matter. It's the same story. There's a tortoise, there's a hare, and the Mets lose. You could get Martin Scorsese to direct the movie version ... or you could get Ang Lee to direct it. The ending remains the same. Mets lose.
If the 2008 Mets were a sitcom, it would have been cancelled by now for being too predictable.
You could change the players (Luis Ayala as closer ... any more good ideas?) even put some character actors in leading roles (Aaron Heilman as vanquished hero is kinda like Brian Dennehy as Bobby Knight, it just doesn't look right), but it's the same movie ... the same book ... the same poem.
Well screw this, I'm changing the postscript. You see, this is the part where Metstradamus goes insane. Not tonight. In addition to being too tired and too numb from the 4,912th gut wrenching loss in the last two years, I present to you the following: The Mets have come back from many of these types of losses this season with some great efforts ... and they have the right guy on the mound tonight to make it happen. And if he does, it's a split.
There, optimistic and level headed. How's that for a surprise ending.
(And if Santana can't make it happen, then we could always hope for Brian Fuentes to be claimed by the Mets on waivers. Or maybe that nine-year-old that's too good for his little league team can come help out.)