
So without further ado, I give you: "The things you've missed while I've been away."
Or is that, "The things I've missed while you've been away?"
Maybe it's "The things that we've all missed while David Wright's been away" ...
Oh, the hell with it, here's some stuff to read:
Item: Scott Kazmir traded to the Angels for two players not named Victor Zambrano.
First person that says "see, told you so" gets a beating. Kazmir for Zambrano: Still the worst trade ever. Anybody who wants me to rehash why it's worse than Ryan for Fregosi is more than welcome to ask.
Here's the funny thing, the Rays trading Kazmir for prospects is a "future" trade. The Mets trading Kazmir for Zambrano was a "now" trade. (Actually, it was a "never" trade.) The Rays are closer to first place "now" than the Mets were "then". Meanwhile, I can't be sure ... but I think Victor rang me up at Old Navy the other day.
Item: Billy Wagner finally gets into a game for Boston, and strikes out three in his inning of work.

Surprisingly, it took until Sunday for Billy to get into a game. Apparently, Terry Francona is only allowed to pitch him if he doesn't throw a bullpen session, throw darts against Papelbon, or throw up earlier in the day. So I wasn't able to give you a video of "Enter Sandman" in Fenway Park from Friday. So instead I give you Jason Bay from Friday, for no other reason than to remind Steve Phillips that he traded him for Steve Reed.
Thanks for giving me that initial slice of hell that has been compounded over time.
Item: Catcher Josh Thole to be promoted, may only bat against righties.

Sounds a lot like life ... or at least life in Flushing.
Item: Jeff Kent honored in the Giants Wall of Fame (sent to the home office by Squawker Lisa).
Fans can visit the wall and wash the very motorcycle that Kent claimed to had been washing when he broke his wrist.
Item: Aaron Heilman pitches two innings of shutout baseball against the Mets on Saturday, only giving up one hit.
Seems that Heilman was claimed on waivers by a National League team on Thursday. If the Mets were that team, I'm burning down Citi Field. Immediately.
Triple play? Pshaw. Castillo Schmastillo. This ... is ... rock ... bottom.
Item: Jim Duquette blasts Mets for cancelling their fall instructional league.
Okay, scratch that. This is rock bottom.
And it brings it all full circle, doesn't it? We started with Kazmir, why not end with Duquette? When this is the man that is killing your organization for being cheap, what does that tell you? What does that tell you??? Jim Duquette is throwing tomatoes at you ... with more accuracy than Oliver Perez, at that!
"Now the rumors within the scouting circles are that they can't afford - which it roughly costs about 300 grand to staff and to invite and fly down all the players, to having meals throughout for about, it's like a 4 to 5 week program. It gives you a chance to extend the development of your young players, of your prospects. And they're not gonna have it. They have cancelled it for this fall. And to me, being a development guy, that's big news. If you're development oriented, it's not a good decision in my opinion."Maybe that's why Thole is only batting against righties ... because they can't afford to develop his batting eye against lefties. Boy oh boy, nothing verifies the myth of a bad farm system like ... not developing your farm system. Thanks, Mr. Wilpon.
In a related story, the Mets have saved millions in salary by trading Danny Meyer to the Padres in exchange for Grimace, the Hamburglar, and a fictional character to be named later. Shake Shack will now serve delicious McDonald's cheeseburgers for the 2010 season.