What Have You Learned? Jose Reyes

What Have You Learned is our very special off-season series that will outline what you've learned, what I've learned, and hopefully what the 2009 Mets have learned about themselves, others, and 2010. Today we celebrate the fact that Jose Reyes has finally had his surgery, what the Mets can learn as a species to ensure that this nonsense never happens again, and what Ted McGinley has to do with all this.

Here's what pisses me off about Jose Reyes:

All season long the pre-game shows (Fran Healy would like me to point out that the show is called "KFC Pre-Game Live" sponsored by KFC and their new Kentucky Grilled Chicken ... but I won't because I'm not being compensated, and I almost choked on a boneless chicken bit that actually had a bone) would be dominated by the following: "Jose Reyes got up out of bed this morning and ate a bagel with cream cheese, but the cream cheese weighed down his hamstring. Jerry Manuel says that he expects his return in about another two to three weeks."

And it went on and on and on ... and it wasn't just Reyes. We had to hear about the running, jumping, and eating habits of pretty much everyone on the roster. But Reyes is the meal ticket ... the one that holds it all together, making it more frustrating that this injury has been the one that has seemingly been mishandled the most.

And now that we get this ...

The Mets said Reyes will start his rehab shortly and can resume baseball activities "soon after the new year."

... it means we're going to have to hear this all winter. Jose Reyes will perpetually be two to three weeks away from something ... all the way through March.

JOY!!!

So what has Reyes learned? How can you learn if you're not in the classroom? You don't get to take a test from the nurses office. 2009 should have been the year for a guy like Reyes to take the next step in his baseball development and enter his prime with a flourish. Instead, he tried to go to third on a grounder to shortstop, and soon after that we never heard from him again.

I would hope that the Mets have learned that you can't make a concussion go away with a cortisone shot. Or that they've learned that the health of the players is more important than having them play meaningless September games to keep those SNY ratings up. But who knows? If Jeff Wilpon thinks he can run a baseball club, who's to say that he doesn't think he can run a hospital? Good thing that Father Fred didn't buy a hospital instead of a ballclub (Gimme the scalpel Daddy! Gimme the scalpel! I wanna try!!!)

You would think it would be so easy ... that you wouldn't screw up something so fundamental as injuries. But when Jeffy comes out and says "we have to change how we handle injuries", then it makes you think that all of these freak occurrences may not have been so freak. Maybe it's why we have Cowboys' doctors operating on Jose Reyes instead of our own guys. Then again, one of our own guys, Mike Herbst, looks too much like Ted McGinley, known for sinking every single show he's ever been on. So who can blame the Mets for thinking that Herbst is McGinley in disguise, sent by the Phillies to finish us off once and for all.

Coincidence? Me thinks not.

Mets Get Britn-i-fied!

Team bonding 101: Cut hair.

It's the oldest trick in the book. Shaved heads work probably as well as the playoff beard, with a little added instant gratification involved too. Hair on the floor and suddenly large ears will do that.

Twenty-one out of the twenty-five Mets, along with trainer Mike Herbst shaved their heads before today's game (and it's a good thing Herbst shaved his head, he looked too much like Ted McGinley, who you know as the death knell of every television show known to man, with that hair.) It worked, making them more aerodynamic and somehow in turn gave their bats more speed as well in the first inning, as they rode a three run first to beat Matt Cain and the Giants 4-1.

Of the four Mets who didn't shave their heads, three of them get a pass: Jose Reyes, because how much more aerodynamic does he need to be? Tom Glavine, because you don't mess with a future hall of famer on the night he pitches. And Aaron Sele, because he has family photo day on Thursday...professional photos are expensive, and remember that those things hang on the wall forever. For--e--ver! You don't want a team bonding activity immortalized on your living room wall.

Then there's Aaron Heilman.

I can't think of a good excuse for Aaron Heilman. Or at least I don't think we were told a good excuse by the SNY broadcast crew. I'm sure there is one, we just haven't heard it yet. It's all good though, because surely Heilman will follow suit and bond with the rest of the team, right?

Right?

Oh never mind. The last thing I'm going to do is get on Aaron Heilman after a win in which he didn't even pitch. Tuesday night was the cure for what ailed the Mets after the awful 9-4 loss on Monday. Tuesday night was the very reason why teams should still be scared of the Mets this season...because what teams are mentally together enough to do something silly like shave their heads and laugh it up after an ugly loss like Monday night? Most teams would simply forget about a loss like that and move on. These Mets? They take it one step further and have their best player shave everybody's heads before the next game. Worries? Not on this team.

Side note: How ironic is it that the Mets pulled off their most famous haircut bonding ritual in the home of Armando Benitez, who was involved in the most infamous haircut in Mets history, his shearing of Rey Sanchez during a blowout loss in '03. Tonight's haircuts are waaaaay different than that.

Night and day different.

***

It's too bad that the Mets of the 80's never did something like this, or else we would have gotten to see Keith Hernandez in all his cranial glory. Hernandez claims he would have never done this, so we're left to wonder what Keith Hernandez would have looked like bald. Well, if you're demented enough to try to imagine that, wonder no more:

Or what about the Mets of the nineties? Would you have wanted to see this:

Can you even imagine Mike Piazza going for something like that? I know he was crazy enough to crop his flowing locks and dye them blond...but bald? Thank goodness that timing is everything.