Angels 5 Satan's Minions 3

Baseball Held Hostage: Day 191

The hostage siege is over. The New York Yankees have given up their stranglehold on major league baseball by succumbing to authorities and to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim by a score of 5-3.

Baseball fans everywhere, especially in New York, are relieved, as baseball is no longer held hostage by the likes of Derek Jeter and Jeanne Zelasko. No longer will the people of New York be subject to Joe Torre's virtual gun to the head proclamations that the season was the toughest and most adversity filled season of them all, even with the fact that there were seasons where players and coaches had cancer and players mothers died and fathers died, yet this season, the one with the $200 million payroll and the 58 losses to Tampa Bay was the toughest.

The ALCS will contain a maximum of seven baseball games, instead of another Yankees and Red Sox re-enactment of World War III, and Steven Spielberg produced openings on FOX declaring that this is the war to end all wars. There will be no revenge of the Sith, no emperor Palpatine references, no sword fights, no bullpen security guards fighting with drunks and players, no cutaways of fans with their heads buried in their hands, no HBO documentaries, no Mel Gibson speeches, no "Who's Your Daddy" chants, and no blood shed.

Just baseball.

***

My favorite two quotes of the night (with translations):

"We'd like to thank Joe Torre for speaking to us between innings. He certainly doesn't have to do this but it's nice of him to do so.-Joe Buck (paraphrased) after Joe Torre's interview between innings."

Translation:

"We'd like to thank Joe Torre for speaking to us between innings. The Yankees were the only team that wouldn't talk to us between innings last season because they think they're too good to accomodate the media because they're the New York Yankees...even though we put them on in prime time every chance we get and schedule every Red Sock/Yankee game in prime time on national television and rearrange the whole playoff schedule to feature them. We're greatful for the fact that the Yankees have finally given something back to television after television has given them everything."

And then this:

"I guess this is going to be the lowest rated ALCS ever."-Yankee fan, after the game 5 loss.

Translated, that means:

"I'm going to watch Lifetime TV the rest of October because I only watch baseball when the Yankees play because I'm a spoiled and petulant Yankee fan."