Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Angels 5 Satan's Minions 3

Baseball Held Hostage: Day 191

The hostage siege is over. The New York Yankees have given up their stranglehold on major league baseball by succumbing to authorities and to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim by a score of 5-3.

Baseball fans everywhere, especially in New York, are relieved, as baseball is no longer held hostage by the likes of Derek Jeter and Jeanne Zelasko. No longer will the people of New York be subject to Joe Torre's virtual gun to the head proclamations that the season was the toughest and most adversity filled season of them all, even with the fact that there were seasons where players and coaches had cancer and players mothers died and fathers died, yet this season, the one with the $200 million payroll and the 58 losses to Tampa Bay was the toughest.

The ALCS will contain a maximum of seven baseball games, instead of another Yankees and Red Sox re-enactment of World War III, and Steven Spielberg produced openings on FOX declaring that this is the war to end all wars. There will be no revenge of the Sith, no emperor Palpatine references, no sword fights, no bullpen security guards fighting with drunks and players, no cutaways of fans with their heads buried in their hands, no HBO documentaries, no Mel Gibson speeches, no "Who's Your Daddy" chants, and no blood shed.

Just baseball.

***

My favorite two quotes of the night (with translations):
"We'd like to thank Joe Torre for speaking to us between innings. He certainly doesn't have to do this but it's nice of him to do so.-Joe Buck (paraphrased) after Joe Torre's interview between innings."
Translation:

"We'd like to thank Joe Torre for speaking to us between innings. The Yankees were the only team that wouldn't talk to us between innings last season because they think they're too good to accomodate the media because they're the New York Yankees...even though we put them on in prime time every chance we get and schedule every Red Sock/Yankee game in prime time on national television and rearrange the whole playoff schedule to feature them. We're greatful for the fact that the Yankees have finally given something back to television after television has given them everything."
And then this:

"I guess this is going to be the lowest rated ALCS ever."-Yankee fan, after the game 5 loss.
Translated, that means:

"I'm going to watch Lifetime TV the rest of October because I only watch baseball when the Yankees play because I'm a spoiled and petulant Yankee fan."

30 comments:

erik love said...

Does this mean Darth Marc takes a long awaited vacation?

Man, i wonder how that Erica Chick feels....

She probably needs a hug...

Can somebody pass over her number?

Darth Marc said...

I'm still alive...barely....

EVIL NEVER DIES!!!!!!

And I hate you all!!!

Love,
Darth Marc

Itsmetsforme said...

as metsradamus notes, in these playoffs, there is only one evil piece of sh*t left to root against--Roid-ger Clemens. Get your voodoo dolls back out, metsfans!

mr. met said...

Is it just me, or are Yankee fans complete asses?

Metstradamus said...

It's not just you.

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

I love the Skankee attitude...if they're not in it, it doesn't matter.

As for the "lowest ever LCS," I think Chicago and Los Angeles are kind of big towns, and I think a lot of those folks will be watching.

Sadly, if I remember correctly, the 2000 Subway Series was the lowest-rated series ever, and the Skanks were in that one.

Oh, and I am SO tired about the whining over Cano and the baseline. Look, it's not like it was a bunt or something. The bastard struck out. Hit the ball and you don't have that problem in the first place.

Now I feel better.

Metstradamus said...

Right Dave, and you heard Mets announcers say it all season, if a runner is inside the baseline (which Cano was), and the catcher throws the ball near enough to the runner where the runner gets in the way, the ump is going to call it every time.

The play they should be whining about is the safe call during game three where Cano had his foot off the bag. The ump was technically correct, but it's a chintzy call that is never called. It didn't matter much in the grand scheme.

jabair said...

THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YANKTHESE LOSE!!!
THAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YANKTHESE LOSE!!!

hows that for a john sterling impression...

oh, and ive been hating the yankees since.. i dont know... forever???

oh and beatches.. or whatever your name is... i dnot feel bad for you or your grandma.. we all have grandmas who have passed away or will pass away soon... so dont hide behind your ailing grandma.... you coward..

just like a typical YANKTHESE or B*tches fan.. when it gets hot in the kitchen.. y'all go hidin behind the refrigirator...

hows that for southern talk???

screw you, your B*tches, and your YANKTHESE....

ill wipe my arse with your sheffield shirt...

Metstradamus said...

Easy there cowboy. No need to get nasty.

Darth Marc said...

Infidel Scum,

As miserable as I feel about losing last night...at least my entire existence as a fan isn't based on wanting other teams to lose. You Mutt fans are going to blogging and mocking someone else's team for the next month. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to root for a relevant team? So people can blog about you instead of the other way around?

And yes, I will be watching the ALCS and NLCS...not with the same passion...but I will be watching...

May you all get stabbed in the nuts with a rusty screwdriver....

Love,
Darth Marc

Metstradamus said...

So what's more pathetic, hating the Yankees when the Mets are out of it, or hating the Red Sox while the Yankees are still playing meaningful baseball?

I point you to your own musings:

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/10/no-more-i-hate-yous.html

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/09/imperial-notes-before-armageddon.html

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/09/infidels-wet-dream.html

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/08/do-they-have-death-penalty-in-infidel.html

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/08/theres-dumb-theres-stupid-and-then.html

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/07/summer-of-discontent-in-infidel-nation.html

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/07/man-up-fat-boy-this-is-chess-not.html

Oh yeah, and there's this:

http://darthmarc72.blogspot.com/2005/08/beltran-from-top-rope.html

Need more?

Darth Marc said...

Big difference. My team was still in contention when I took all those shots at the Red Sox and the Mets. I wasn't standing on the sideline like Stadler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show talking shit.

So I had something look forward to other than hoping for enemies to lose....unlike Mets fans...

And there's a difference between having a little fun like we're having and what this jackass Jabair wrote on your blog and Erica's. I have no use for bitch-ass cowards who write garbage that they wouldn't dare say in person.

You didn't just cross the line...you pissed on it. Fucking coward. I hope everyone in your family dies a horrible death. Test-tube baby.

And if you give me an address...I will say it to your face...

erik love said...

Oh Snap! dem is fightin words....

Darth Marc must've popped in one of his old DMX albums and he's Ready to Rumble....

Will Jabair take him up on his offer?

Darth Marc said...

Erik Love,

Falcons Sucks, Mets Suck, You Suck...

Love,
Darth Marc

erik love said...

Very mature Marc....

Are you on your Period or something?

Relax man, there's always next year....

Joe said...

Darth Marc,

I agree with you on the Jabair thing. He is either taking things a bit seriously or his humor is way to intense for me.

But overall you seem very upset today. You shouldn't take the Yankees failing so hard. In fact you should be happy. Now that you don't have to follow them anymore. This leaves more time for you to play Star Wars Stratego, D&D and civil war reenactments. And don't worry, Revenge of the Sith will soon be out on DVD and you can watch it over and over and over.

Go Giants!

Metstradamus said...

Joe,

I guess "Nobody Cares about Darth Marc"!

He's laughing hysterically at your comment by the way. Very nice.

jabair said...

Darth!! Darth!! Darth!!! why dont you spend more time on your blog then on here?? you are not gonna meet any hot chicks here...

the only people who post comments on your blog are the same 2 guys who dress up in starwars costume sand wait 5 days outside the movie theater with you for a star wars movie...

you were probably a mets fan in the 80s but you would never admit that because you would feel as guilty as you did when you first masterbated while hiding in your sisters closet....

EVIL NEVER DIES!! huh?? oooooooooohhh youre stho scthary!!!

you wouldnt know evil if it hit you in the face and gave you a black eye buddy!!!....

oh by the way.. quit listening to the wu tang clan already!!! does your mother know you listen to rap music??

herbert?? are you there??

last thing this world needs is a starwars geek acting like a tough guy on a blog!!!

let me know if you really wanna fly out to california and say it to my face... after youre done putting me back in my place.. ill piss on you....

jabair said...

het erica.. now that you are in NY.. do you wash your hands after going to the bathroom now??

you never washedyour hands when you were a B*tches fan...

If being a YANKTHESE fan help your personal hygeine.. then more power to you...

you go girl!!! just make sure you wash your hands after you go!!!

erik love said...

This is some good ol fashion Hate....

I think Met$tra is crying a tear somewhere, right this minute....

Metstradamus said...

Crying! Heck I'm trying to find a way to sell tickets to Jabair vs. Darth Marc. There's money to be made here. And damn it I'm going to figure out a way.

Maybe NBC can make it into a reality show that Sylvester Stallone can host.

jabair said...

ill knock him out faster than tyson knocked out spinx.. so get there early... ill end it before it even begins...

jabair said...

and then ill piss on him... again...

jabair said...

Oh Darth..Oh Darth.. where the hell art thou??

guess i already knocked him out... i guess he now prefers the peches blog... hope your sorry ass gets to 1st base with her....

but you would have to root for the Atlanta B*tches before she spreads em for ya!!!

Anonymous said...

The sun came at 6:54.

The group of 25 men stirred from an uneasy sleep, the taste of losing, like day old vomit, still lingering in their collective mouths. They stare out at the wasteland called Southern California, the sun the color of their opponents' jerseys, the dull throb in their heads, the gift from 60,000 throats, reverberates in their skulls. The clammy reality of defeat, like a wet New England fog, permeates each man, totally, deeply, bone deep. One thought, lodged deep in each brain, the only commonality among this perverse band of brothers, whispers in their ears. "I'm a loser, I'm a loser, I'm a loser......".
At the same time a smaller group, older, heavier, grayer, make their way to the airport, walking like the doomed at San Quentin, trying to put distance between this cursed coast and their homes back east.
Three thousand miles away, a porcine, Teutonic fist snatches the telephone receiver, the sausage-like fingers stab viciously at the keypad. A raspy bark ejaculates from the turtlenecked throat and splits the air like a gunshot. "Get Cashman and Torre down here...."

And so it begins............

Anonymous said...

i like jabair

darth marc i hear jetblue is a real nice airline, and reasonably priced, and they now fly to cali!

jabair said...

they also have live TV on jetblue... and maybe you can watch the YANKTHESE on TV while flying over.. but wait a sec here..
they're not on TV anymore...

didnt the yankthese blow $200 million to end up with the same record as the redsox and got booted from the playoffs already???

Darth Marc is a bitch... i go out of my way and post on his blog because i feel sorry for his lonely blog and he has absolutely no one else posting on there...

and how does he show gratitude?? he deletes my post...

talk about choking under pressure.. just like his role models...

jabair said...

oh, this bastard is posting on beaches's blog asking for my address...

hey retard, ask for my address on here.. not some sissy blog where people are whining about the subway...

ALSO:

you guys gotta check out the YANKTHEES ATROCITIES chronicled by MGM (Mets Guy In Michigan) @ http://metsguyinmichigan.blogspot.com/

awesome job MGM

check it out if you have the testicular fortitude Darth Bitch!!

Metstradamus said...

OK, fun is fun but this is starting to get out of hand on all counts. Let's end the personal insults and let this thing die. It's getting to be a little much now. What started out as good fun has gotten nasty and it's time to put an end to it, right now!

Thanks.

jabair said...

sorry bro!!