Saturday, October 29, 2005

An Important Public Service Announcement:

Ways to tell that the man asking you for painkillers is not Mets outfielder Mike Cameron:
  • He tells you what a great teammate Johnny Bench was.
  • Talks about that night in Chicago where he scored four touchdowns in one game.
  • Confuses his stolen identites and shows you pictures of his wife, Heidi Klum.
  • Spells "Mientkiewicz" correctly.
  • Tells you his season ending collision was with Rigo Beltran.
  • Relays stories of the good old days when he helped defeat the Braves.
  • Thinks Minute Maid Park is in Florida.
  • Talks to you about his jealousy regarding his brother, Kirk.
  • Tells you he never strikes out.
  • Is upset that Miguel Cairo never got the chance to sing lead as a member of Menudo.
  • Professes the need for the Mets to go out and get a solid number two starter...behind Dwight Gooden.
  • Signs his prescription with a heart that dots the "i".

Remember, that man you're shooting up with Benadryl may not be a major leaguer.

3 comments:

erik love said...

Hey Met$tra, you left out this one....

"When he doesn't talk about his two Gold Gloves"

I would love to see a picture of the guy....

Kyle in Newport News said...

Metstra,

Title of Peter Gammons's latest INsider:
***
There's a certain ring to a Hershiser-Bobby V pairing
***

Is this truly in the future, great prophet? Could MLB encourage the hiring of Valentine just to get him to shut up about his "true World Series"?

Metstradamus said...

Perhaps...the Dodgers are probably the only job he would come back for...but he loves Japan...always has, even before his Met days. I have a feeling he stays.