Irrefutable Facts

There's been a lot of talk about Jack Bauer this and Chuck Norris that...but let me ask you this:

Has either Bauer or Norris stopped two riots in the span of a hour?

I mean, the show is called "24", but hell Julio Franco needed just one hour to stop two potentially harmful situations. And Chuck Norris? Please. He lost to Bruce Lee, and Lee wasn't wielding a bat! So give me Mr. Egg Whites over both of them.

First came the Jose Guillen incident. Now keep in mind that Guillen was hit a few times last season, and multiple times by Mets...not to mention blasting his own teammates for not coming to his defense. Then comes tonight, and Guillen gets hit not once but twice. The ticking time bomb that is Jose Guillen was most certainly in play. But after the bomb comes after Pedro with bat in tow, and the benches clear, there's Julio playing bomb diffuser...red wire here, green wire here...talking Guillen off the ledge. Can Jack Bauer do that?

Then, the Beltran incident. Mr. Sensitive hits his first home run of the season in the seventh, and gets called out for a curtain call by some of the same fans that booed him on opening day. The petulant one, who's still hitting .100 by the way, was seen refusing to tip his hat to the fans...a reaction that wasn't totally unexpected. Who comes to the rescue but Mr. Egg Whites, convincing Beltran to do the right thing and saving yet another riot, this one between Beltran and Met fans, in the process. Was there ever an episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger" where Chuck Norris ever did that? Of course not...because Julio Franco was an actual Texas Ranger, whereas Norris just played one on T.V.

(An aside, Willie Randolph says during the post game show that sometimes a player doesn't want to show up his teammates by giving a curtain call. I don't buy it. Why else would Franco convince him to come out?)

For all we know, Franco probably used a little faith healing on home plate umpire Ted Barrett after he left the game due to getting hit with the pitch that started the whole mess in the first place, the ricochet off of Guillen. All this without even getting in the game, a 10-5 Mets win. Is there nothing Franco can't do?

***

You say that both Bauer and Norris could team up to take care of the old man? Then give me Paul Lo Duca to complete the tag team, and end Bauer and Norris' reign forever. It was Lo Duca calling the aggressive game that he did that started all this. And if you want to tell me that Pedro's control wasn't all there as he's still in "spring training mode", I'll believe you. But I'll say this: if Jose Guillen is a loose cannon who's easily bothered by pitchers getting in his kitchen, and the Nationals don't show an inclination to protect their hitters, then who's to say that Paulie didn't put it in the game plan to rattle Guillen's cage a little bit?

Felix Rodriguez plunking Paul Lo Duca in the eighth was an easy one to call. Rodriguez was pitching in his third straight game down by four runs with Lo Duca hitting second in the inning. With Jack McGee calling all of those inside pitches against National hitters, there was no way Rodriguez wasn't going to plunk Paulie and end his night early. Felix's mistake was being so obvious about it, throwing at him twice in a row...but again, pitching in his third straight day in a lost cause, Rodriguez wasn't going to care about that.

And to clarify, it's not automatic that a pitcher and manager get ejected after warnings are issued. Umpire warnings are issued for the purpose of warning managers that players could be ejected without warning, but it's still to the discretion of the umpire. This is why Filthy wasn't ejected for plunking Nick The Mustache in the seventh when it was just a one run lead. If it was a four run lead as it was when Felix hit Lo Duca, then Filthy is gone. Same premise, if he hits Guillen instead of The Mustache, Filthy is gone. This situation, where a player was plunked after both benches were warned but the pitcher not ejected, has precedent. I just wish I could remember what it was.

But the whole episode showed why SNY's Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez are going to bring enormous amounts of usefulness to their broadcasts. Hernandez explained why he thought that everyone's cranky old grandpa Frank Robinson had a beef (actually, I think he had a beef because the game lasted too long past his bedtime). Then Cohen brought up rightly that the Mets had been on the short end of the stick on these beaning situations over the past few seasons, which is absolutely right.

But now, that will no longer be the case with the combination of Pedro Martinez and Paul Lo Duca making sure that opposing batters will no longer be feared or comfortable. And that's something that's condoned by this blogger. Besides, with our own Jack Bauer standing watch, what can go wrong?