Sunday, April 23, 2006

Regret Your Questionable Hook-Up No Longer

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to bite the bullet.

Problem is, there are no other bullets ready for the holster.

But regardless, Victor Zambrano has to go.

I don't blame Victor for any of this. All he's ever wanted to do is go out and play baseball. He never asked to be traded for a top prospect. The sins of Jim Duquette have nothing to do with the Mets situation in '06, because regardless, the Mets are still in first place. They still managed to split a series on the road against a division champion. The future is still bright for the Mets this season...

But only if Mets ownership gets over this idea that doing something with Zambrano, whether vanquishing him to the bullpen, demoting him, or even releasing him, would be an admission that the Scott Kazmir trade is a disaster. We already know that, kids. The problem is that every time he pitches, we're reminded of it...kind of like a boil (not a Boyle). It's like there's PR attached to keeping him here. Believe me, there's nothing I want more than to move on from it. The only way to move on is for Victor to move on...in some way shape or form.

Give consideration to this:

After today's latest stellar outing (5 runs, 7 hits, three walks in four innings), Victor Zambrano's ERA now stands at 9.64.

It only raised .64 runs.

I have prepared for you a crude graph to illustrate the effects of Zambrano's pitching performance:




As you can plainly see, the effects are proportional.

After three starts last season, Kaz Ishii's ERA was 4.82.

Kaz Ishii for crying out loud.

Three starts this season for Victor? 9.64. Even Jose Lima's ERA is lower than that!

So Wilpons, regret your questionable trade no longer. Let the order of the serpentine wash away the shame. Bite the bullet.

***

You've gotta love Keith Hernandez's apology today during the second inning regarding a woman in the Padres dugout on Saturday. Hernandez said something along the lines of "I'm not going to say a woman's place is in the kitchen, but she doesn't belong in the dugout." Apparently, someone(s) became up in arms about it, so Keith had to perform one of those "I'm sorry if anyone was offended" apologies. But after the cursory "I'm sorry", you can tell he was growing more and more agitated that he was made to do this for such an innocuous comment, explaining himself by reading the rule book about the number of coaches allowed in the dugout...building to the crescendo of "that's it, not another word, it's over, play ball!!!"

It was kind of like the apology that Ralph Kramden made to Alice on one of those records where he started out apologizing, but as he spoke about Alice's mother in law, he became more and more crazy and started calling her a blabber mouth! And that was the apology recording that was mistakenly sent to Alice instead of take two. Hilarious. Obviously Keith was under some pressure to make this apology and was none too pleased about it. He probably should have clarified his remarks during the fact, this way he wouldn't have been seen as...well I don't know exactly what he was seen as, or who exactly got upset. So it's hard for me to know what was so un PC about it.

And we know how Keith gets when he's made to apologize against his will, as he had to in '02 when he said on the air that the Mets quit on Bobby Valentine (he was right). He was agitated enough to remark to the beat writers after the apology "there, does that make you happy?" So you could tell he was upset. Something tells me there's more to this than meets the eye.

And now, there is some clarification that Keith actually said that "they" don't belong in the dugout. Well, now I understand why Bruce Bochy was upset. Keith is obviously still old school in a lot of ways, and something tells me that this isn't the last bit of controversy Keith will face in his broadcasting career.

***

And finally...I love Dontrelle Willis. I hope that one day soon, he's a New York Met.

But this ain't happenin'. Jeffrey Loria need take his desperate measures elsewhere.

16 comments:

jabair said...

zambrano pretty much guarantees that the mets will not have a winning streak of more than 4 games in a row as long as he is around..

anybody here in northern california?? looking for the mets to pound the giants this week... at&t or pacbell or whatever has been very unkind to the mets historically...

erik love said...

I had no problem with what Mex said

I tell my girl to take her black ass to the kitchen all the time

She never does

But she doesn't take offense to it

Lets be honest, Women shouldn't be in the dugout


Met$tra, you tell me who are 5 greatest MC's?

You can call it....

Met$tra's 5 greatest Mc's

Darryl Livingstone said...

I swear to GOD, if DWright becomes a Marlin, I will go all Tiannemen Square on their asses! I'l stand in front of Mr. Mets little golf cart until they drag my beer fueled body into an alley.

j m said...

The best part of the apology was the full six and a half seconds of dead silence Cohen left at the end of it (after Mex's vexingly quixotic "period, play ball"). I love Gary Cohen more than words could possibly express; he is a broadcaster of extraordinary magnitude. He has our gratitude.

mr. met said...

That graph was classic...simply classic.

jabair said...

tiannamen square, mr. mets golf cart.. HA HA HA... thanx for the laughs darryl..

a dugout is not a good place for a woman becuase ball players tend to be crass.. they cuss, tell dirty jokes, spit, refer to women as "sexual objects".. so, in a way mex was trying to protect women from sexist males wearing tight pants..

he didnt realize that women dont have to worry about all these things if they were in a dugout with a bunch of pussies in san diego...

(wonder if i can get scott mclellans job @ the white house.. LOL)

christa said...

Jabair are you serious???

Yeah, I'm sure Mex was articulating his desire to protect women. Spiting! Cursing! Holy crap! Women everywhere are fainting as we speak!

Opponents of women's suffrage used the same rationale - they said they wanted to "protect" women from having to participate in the political process.

And frankly, I guarantee you that any woman would have done a better job managing the mets than art howe.

If you want to protect us, how about you stop being such a chauvinist douchebag.

Metstradamus said...

Mr Met, feel free to use the graph if it helps you.

Metstradamus said...

By the way:

Biggie
Chuck D
Run DMC
Snoop
Mike Cameron

erik love said...

That's one of the worst lists ever

But it's yours....

jabair said...

im being sarcastic christy.. im pretty sure my grandma would have managed the mets better than art howe... willie aint too far behind art either in my books...

i was just trying to put a sarcastic "fox news" spin to it...

dont go burnin your bra and please, for the love of god, un-bunch your undies!!!!!!

im not a chauvinist douchebag, just a sarcastic douchebag..

christa said...

Oh Jabair... you've always got my undies in a bunch.... there's nothing i can do about it....


by the way... metstra - i love the site... you're the wind beneath my wings.

Metstradamus said...

Christa, I've always wanted to be complimented with a Gladys Knight song. (Does that make you a Pip?) Thank you. Did you know that...

"Wind Beneath My Wings" is the most popular choice of song at British funerals?

jabair said...

i can see it now: "Meet Metstradamus, pessimistic Mets fan and British Funeral Expert!"

Metstradamus said...

Jabair, we all need a purpose in life. I just happen to have two.

Metstradamus said...

Lou Rawls also recorded "Wind Beneath My Wings", and there was some sort of baseball show...I think it was the early versions of "Halls of Fame" where that version was played at the end of every show. I'll take Lou's version over Bette Midler's version any day of the week.