Regret Your Questionable Hook-Up No Longer

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to bite the bullet.

Problem is, there are no other bullets ready for the holster.

But regardless, Victor Zambrano has to go.

I don't blame Victor for any of this. All he's ever wanted to do is go out and play baseball. He never asked to be traded for a top prospect. The sins of Jim Duquette have nothing to do with the Mets situation in '06, because regardless, the Mets are still in first place. They still managed to split a series on the road against a division champion. The future is still bright for the Mets this season...

But only if Mets ownership gets over this idea that doing something with Zambrano, whether vanquishing him to the bullpen, demoting him, or even releasing him, would be an admission that the Scott Kazmir trade is a disaster. We already know that, kids. The problem is that every time he pitches, we're reminded of it...kind of like a boil (not a Boyle). It's like there's PR attached to keeping him here. Believe me, there's nothing I want more than to move on from it. The only way to move on is for Victor to move on...in some way shape or form.

Give consideration to this:

After today's latest stellar outing (5 runs, 7 hits, three walks in four innings), Victor Zambrano's ERA now stands at 9.64.

It only raised .64 runs.

I have prepared for you a crude graph to illustrate the effects of Zambrano's pitching performance:

As you can plainly see, the effects are proportional.

After three starts last season, Kaz Ishii's ERA was 4.82.

Kaz Ishii for crying out loud.

Three starts this season for Victor? 9.64. Even Jose Lima's ERA is lower than that!

So Wilpons, regret your questionable trade no longer. Let the order of the serpentine wash away the shame. Bite the bullet.

***

You've gotta love Keith Hernandez's apology today during the second inning regarding a woman in the Padres dugout on Saturday. Hernandez said something along the lines of "I'm not going to say a woman's place is in the kitchen, but she doesn't belong in the dugout." Apparently, someone(s) became up in arms about it, so Keith had to perform one of those "I'm sorry if anyone was offended" apologies. But after the cursory "I'm sorry", you can tell he was growing more and more agitated that he was made to do this for such an innocuous comment, explaining himself by reading the rule book about the number of coaches allowed in the dugout...building to the crescendo of "that's it, not another word, it's over, play ball!!!"

It was kind of like the apology that Ralph Kramden made to Alice on one of those records where he started out apologizing, but as he spoke about Alice's mother in law, he became more and more crazy and started calling her a blabber mouth! And that was the apology recording that was mistakenly sent to Alice instead of take two. Hilarious. Obviously Keith was under some pressure to make this apology and was none too pleased about it. He probably should have clarified his remarks during the fact, this way he wouldn't have been seen as...well I don't know exactly what he was seen as, or who exactly got upset. So it's hard for me to know what was so un PC about it.

And we know how Keith gets when he's made to apologize against his will, as he had to in '02 when he said on the air that the Mets quit on Bobby Valentine (he was right). He was agitated enough to remark to the beat writers after the apology "there, does that make you happy?" So you could tell he was upset. Something tells me there's more to this than meets the eye.

And now, there is some clarification that Keith actually said that "they" don't belong in the dugout. Well, now I understand why Bruce Bochy was upset. Keith is obviously still old school in a lot of ways, and something tells me that this isn't the last bit of controversy Keith will face in his broadcasting career.

***

And finally...I love Dontrelle Willis. I hope that one day soon, he's a New York Met.

But this ain't happenin'. Jeffrey Loria need take his desperate measures elsewhere.