Thursday, May 05, 2005

A Special Place in Hell

Allow me to get something off my chest if you will. It's half sardonic swill, half disgust, which just a hint of doom wishing.

I had hoped for a peaceful day at Shea today. Had my field level seat, even bought a scorecard and scored the game, something I hadn't done since the days of Todd Hundley. I ran into nice ushers, nice people in my box, and overpriced yet halfway decent food. I didn't get a free "Take 5" bar even though Jeanne was right in front of me giving out the bars. But all in all it was a good day.

But there's a new type of vermin inhabiting Shea these days. Poisonous, nausea inducing, vermin.

Yankee fans.

But I'm not talking about your run of the mill Yankee fans...not the ones who go to Shea Stadium in their Hideki Matsui jerseys running their mouths off after a foul ball drops in their lap, and getting thrown out of the stadium in the sixth inning. (Although one wonders about the mental makeup of a Yankee fan who would pay money to go to Shea Stadium wearing a Yankee jersey when the Yankees aren't playing.) And I'm not talking about the Yankee fan who took every opportunity he could to stand up and block my view of Pat Burrell striking out. This kind of Yankee fan has been around for years. They breed way too fast, but they're harmless.

And I'm not even talking about the female 12 year old Jeter fans with lust in their eyes, pink Yankee hats on their heads, and shortstops in their heart. Their fathers were in Shea in the 80's rooting for the Mets, and their sons and daughters spawned from unwed teenage pregnancies will be at Shea 10 years from now. This kind of pest can be shooed away with Britney Spears' perfume, so they don't worry me.

I'm talking about these middle management, know nothing, got their ticket for free, wearing a stylish shirt and tie, called in sick from their investment banking job to go to Shea Stadium vermin. These wastes of space when spurred on by real Mets and Yankee fans arguing, stand up and start bragging about "26 world championships". Well how brave and arrogant of you. While the Yankee fans that you align yourself to are getting themselves kicked out of the stadium, falling on the sword so that YOU can watch the game in peace, you're busy yelling about 26 world championships while wearing NO Yankee gear whatsoever and putting yourself in NO danger of getting verbal barbs and right hooks thrown at you after the game. And if that isn't bad enough, YOU LEAVE THE GAME EARLY! Hope you beat the traffic to get to your power lunch and your golf game you brainless dimwit. In case you didn't hear since you did leave early, the Mets won. Does that make you feel inadequate? You must feel inadequate since you're nothing but a life mooching suit so most things in life make you feel inadequate. Does today's result make you want to go buy a sportscar, you useless waste of a social security number? And as for you suits who did wear a Yankee hat with your're no better because the hats you wore were brand new. And you look stupid to boot with your white shirts, power ties, and sparkling new Yankee hats. Did A-Rod make you Yankee fans, you bandwagon jumping, "gotta be seen", malcontents?

For you who I have mentioned in the previous paragraph, I sincerely hope that all your stocks crash, you get passed over for that big promotion, and that your offspring borrows your sportscar and gets it totaled by parking it in front of an oncoming LIRR train. There's a special place in hell for you.

I feel better now. We now return you to your regularly scheduled website.

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