Fishy Business

It hasn't been a great night all around for the Mets, who lost to the Fish on Wednesday, dropped to series, and dropped to second place in the division. Tomorrow, an off day, has the potential to be a whole lot worse.

Look, I'm into free thinking, and I'm not into telling you how to think. I'm not Big Brother. But I'm here to give you some friendly, free advice that you would be wise to heed. This Manny to the Marlins rumor that's getting way too close to reality? You do not want that to happen. No, seriously ... you don't want Manny to be a Marlin. Look at the Manny Fish. Look directly at it. You are getting sleepy. Your eyes are getting heavy. When you wake up and I snap my fingers, you will hope and pray that after 4:00 ET on Thursday, Manny Ramirez will still be wearing "Red Sox", and not teal socks.

Go ahead and tell me about "Manny being Manny". Go ahead and bring up the goofy fielding. Talk to me until you're blue in the face about the six seconds it regularly takes for Manny to get down the first base line on a grounder to third. You can tell me all of that. But at the end of the day, if you add a future hall of famer to a lineup that has more home runs than anyone in baseball, that spells disaster for the Mets.

Because that future hall of famer ... for two months ... is going to be the most motivated baseball player on Planet Earth. In his quest to stick it to the Red Sox, he's going to stick it to the Mets ... and they'll be fighting for the wild card. Of course after that, Manny will revert to being Manny once he gets that contract. But for two months, it's on.

I'd suggest that the Mets intervene and get Ramirez for themselves to join forces with Pedro Martinez (another player Manny claims was mistreated by the Red Sox), but that's not happening for a myriad of reasons. This trade being discussed now is way too far along in the process. Mets ownership can't even handle Paul Lo Duca being controversial, there's no way the Wilpons would except Manny urinating in the visitors bullpen during a pitching change. And most importantly, the Mets don't have that right mix of young players and prospects that the Marlins do ... it's an advantage Florida has by being bad all these years, selling off their parts, and then being good all at once. The Mets, meanwhile, will tell us that their trading deadline acquisition came during the winter when all their chips were placed on Johan Santana. It will be the easy and legitimate bouquet of flowers to present to Mets fans when the Marlins are getting Manny Ramirez and the Mets respond by bringing back Jay Payton and adding Arthur Rhodes.

So don't expect the Mets to be anywhere near Manny Ramirez this season. I don't expect it ... and I accept it. But you don't want him anywhere near the Marlins either. It's the difference between the trading deadline passing peacefully, and the trading deadline hitting you upside the head with a frying pan. So light another one of those candles leftover from Billy Wagner's injury, and light it for a reconciliation between Manny and the Sox. And if that doesn't work, then you mind as well light your hair on fire instead.