Wednesday, September 02, 2009

How Can We Count On You When We Can't Count On You?

We all know that April comes in like a lion. What you may not know is that September does the same. Yes, September comes in like a lion as well ... but Razor Shines gives it the stop sign.

When Angel Pagan rounded second base in the first inning tonight, he consulted Shines for guidance on what to do. Unfortunately, the third base coach of life was offline for maintenance. So Pagan, after rounding second base on a base hit, rounded second base in reverse ... turning a base hit into a force play.

This, Met fans, is your introduction to September. A September to Misremember.

Every once in a while, Angel will break out a swing that sweeter than honey. The flip side is that he has a meatball for a brain on the bases, which he's shown over, and over, and over again. And speaking of ground beef in a spherical shape, I'm not saying that was a meatball Mike Pelfrey threw to Carlos Gonzalez, but the first 15 rows of fans were sprayed with marinara sauce on that home run.

Unfortunately, those same fans were subsequently eaten by wolves, who science shows survive on small prey such as squirrels, meat sauce, and tiramisu. I'm surprised SNY would show that on their air.

It was a tragic scene to be sure, but no more tragic than the Mets have been, whether it be Tuesday night or the entire season. The world will know 2009 as the fortieth anniversary of the Miracle Mets of '69. We know better. We know that this is the tenth anniversary of Kenny Rogers walking home Andruw Jones to lose the NLCS. The Mets obviously know this too as, noted in Tuesday night's broadcast, the two bases loaded walks they had brought their season total to 17. When you throw in the two runs that the Mets gave up via a hit batsman, that makes one free run per week for the opposition.

At this rate, Sean Green can be his own United Way chapter.

The only good thing about being pasted by the Rockies is that it pushes Matt Cain one game further away from getting to the playoffs. Grudges, you see, are all I have left. And since it's kinda pointless to hope that the Yankees and/or Phillies are going to fall out of the playoffs, my last hope to salvage some sort of belief in humanity is to hope that Matt Cain doesn't pitch in a playoff game this season. My main hope is for forever, but I take life one season at a time. So tip this, Matt.

I like this spolier stuff.


I loved the question for the booth tonight: "Would the Mets change their approach in Coors Field than how they approach a game in Citi Field?" Yes. The approach: try to suck less. But how would Keith Hernandez know the answer anyway? He's too busy watching the Flintstones on You Tube in the booth.

Yup. Seriously. The same man who didn't know you can text two people at one time is watching You Tube on company time. Can you blame him though, when the most interesting thing to watch on the field is David Wright's new batting helmet?

Yeah, I think it's a bit over the top too.


Unser said...

Must say that first inning was the perfect remedy for my insomnia. Slept like a baby thanks to Pelfrey's lullaby of walks.

For all the talk about firing Omar and Jerry, or conceiving a way to force the Wilpon's to sell the team, I hear little about the poor coaching in this organization. How can these guys continue to regularly violate the most basic rules of the game? If any member of the Mets' coaching staff remains next year, I'll wear David Wright's helmet.

Schneck said...

I love David Wright's batting helmet. It is a work of art. In fact, I'd like to buy a few so that I can wear them backwards over my head if I attend any more games this year.

MetFanMac said...

I've found out who redesigned the batting helmets: