Dear Aaron Heilman,
Drink lots of fluids in New Orleans. It's hot there this time of year.
Dear Willie Randolph,
Aaron Heilman's splits going into tonight read as such:
Bases empty: 2.65 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, .175 BAA
Runners on: 9.53 ERA, 2.12 WHIP, .370 BAA
And just for fun:
RISP w/2 outs: 21.60 ERA, 2.70 WHIP, .412 BAA
Why you would wait for a runner to reach base to bring Aaron Heilman in continues to be one of the great mysteries of my life. Sure, the runner should have never been on base because it was a bad call on the Pierre play. But dude, when there's runners on base, Heilman needs to pitch with a shrink behind him sitting in a lawn chair. Why would you do that to Aaron? Somewhere in this city, Aaron's on the phone talking to someone about his mother to work out his mental block. And I blame you.
Dear Tim Welke,
Thank you for continuing to convince the masses to bring instant replay to baseball. When you basically helped the Mets lose with your bad call to start the eighth inning, you are helping to score a greater victory for the sport in the process. So when a Derek Jeter foul ball in the ninth inning of Game 7 of the 2010 World Series against the Mets is overturned and made a walk-off, series winning home run, baseball has you to thank.
Dear Luis Castillo,Editor's disclaimer: The author of this blog is not insinuating that Luis Castillo is on the juice. That would be silly. He only means to illustrate that we live in a time that people will always associate unexpected power with performance enhancing drugs, which is an ill-informed point of view. Performance enhancing drugs are used more to bounce back from injury, which Luis has now. So as much as Luis gets injured and hobbles around, he can't possibly be juicing.
Congratulations on your second home run in three days. Those guys in front of your locker are there because it's time for your "random" drug test. Not that they don't trust you but ... you know, just in case.
P.S. They also want to ask you something about Mindy McCready.
But when he hit that home run, tell me you weren't thinking it for a split second. (Liar.)
Dear Chan Ho Park,
The one start you made for us in your life is a start that I'll never have back. If you had never wore a Mets uniform, that might have been us that got swept by the Rockies instead of Philadelphia. And if my team is eliminated from the playoffs this season by one game, guess who I'm blaming?
Dear Clayton Kershaw,
I look forward to you throwing a no-hitter against the Mets one day. I'll find a way to blame Chan Ho Park for that too.
Dear Jonathon Broxton,
My cat likes to howl at the moon. So can you take a step to the left? You're blocking the moonlight.