A New Noise

Sometimes when a bat swings with such ferocity and anger, you hear a "fw-oosh!". If you're lucky enough to hit the ball, you hear a "fw-app!".

I could swear on Paul Lo Duca's ninth inning swing off of Derrick (I have camel hair on my bobblehead doll) Turnbow, there was a new noise...for Paulie's prodigious swing had a definite "fw-uck!" sound to it...followed immediately by the ornery bat flip which was akin to the letting go of a breath..."whew".

Put those two sounds together and tell me what you get. You get a message to baseball's increasingly incompetent umpiring crews.

You want to tell me that it reaks of childish with a hint of eau de sour grapes to whine about the umpires? Well that means nothing to me. Because these guys are absolutely out of control. I mean, is there any other umpire out there that is applying to screw over the Mets? The line, apparently, forms to the right.

First it was the incompetence of Angel Hernandez.

Then, it was the agenda of Doug Eddings.

Last night, it was the lack of fundamentals by Laz Diaz.

Tonight, Tim Tschida might have trumped them all.

First, the home plate ump Tschida overruled the first base ump on Prince Fielder's HR* to right field. (If only Todd Zeile had gotten such a generous ruling in Game one of the 2000 Series.) Now I'm no physicist, but isn't first base closer to right field than home plate? And doesn't it send a bad message to your first base ump when your home plate ump claims to have better eyesight than him?

But then, in the mother of all injustices that have befallen the Mets in the past week: the ejection of Duaner Sanchez, which came after back to back home runs and a plunk in the back of Brady Clark with a fastball...

in an 8-8 tie.

Who, I ask...WHO seeks retribution during an 8-8 game in the bottom of the eighth, after much of the bullpen has been used to plug the gaping holes between Jose Lima, Jeremi Gonzalez, and the end of the game? WHO?

All right, besides Armando Benitez?

(Nobody likes a smart ass.)

Just so we're straight...I'm not crying conspiracy. I'm crying incompetence. Massive, egregious, undeniable incompetence. But it is rather incredible that the more certain Mets ask the questions about a conspiracy, the more these dopey things start to swirl around this team. It's like my mom always told me: "Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean somebody isn't out to get you."

It was advice like that which made me into the person I am today (explains a lot, doesn't it?) And for that, I am grateful...Happy Mother's Day.

But luckily, the Mets have finally found a way to beat their opponents when their opponents wear blue. They do it with a prodigious, angry blast, and a new noise...

"Fw-uck! Whew."