Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Quarter Pole Grades: 2006

All right, so the Mets have played more than 40 games, but a day off post Yankee series seemed a natural break to give out some quarterly grades.

Paul Lo Duca: The team...the heart...the soul. Grade: A

Tom Glavine: For all the problems at the back end of the rotation, the front end of the rotation has exceeded expectations. Grade: A

Pedro Martinez: See: Glavine, Tom. Grade: A

Carlos Delgado: Not only does he get an A for being the missing Mets ingredient, but he gets an A for visiting my old junior high school...I was a wiffle ball legend in this very gymnasium. Grade: A

Julio Franco: How does one get an A for 23 at bats? When you break up a potential brawl, soothe your center fielder's fragile ego, and become the oldest player in the history of baseball to do everything except inject with steroids, 23 at bats is more than enough. Grade: A

Duaner Sanchez: "Filthy" indeed. Grade: A

Aaron Heilman: Aaron Heilman is why I waited until after the Yankee series to give out grades. Heilman's three perfect innings on Friday jumped him from a B+ all the way to...Grade: A

Xavier Nady: Would have gotten an A except for the fact that X might be the ugliest fielding right fielder around. Not that he's botched more than one or two plays, but every time a fly ball comes his way he looks like Joe Hardy at the very moment he lost his athletic ability. Grade: A-

David Wright: Great offensively. Defense knocks him down a peg. I still love David's blog. Grade: B+

Endy Chavez: His catch against Pittsburgh on May third is a microcosm of his whole season..."Where'd he come from?" Grade: B+

Jose Reyes: Streakiness keeps him from earning an A. Walking more, creating more excitement at the top of the order. Average needs to come up. Grade: B

Pedro Feliciano: Matt called it. Grade: B

Darren Oliver: Cousin Oliver is the early front runner for the "Roberto Hernandez Award", awarded to the supposed washed up reliever who becomes the pleasant surprise of the season. Grade: B

Carlos Beltran: Carlos, meet Cut-off Man. Cut-off Man, meet Carlos. Now there's no excuses. Grade: B

Brian Bannister: I've been on the fence as to whether Brian Bannister deserves a grade for just five starts. You know what...26-17 has put me in an extremely good mood. Grade: B

Ramon Castro: Fluff has scored on every double that he's been on second or third base for this season...that's progress, kids. Grade: B

Kaz Matsui: This is some sort of Twilight Zone episode...the supposed offensive force can't hit this season (average in the .230's with ugly swings thrown in) yet the man who uses a skillet for a glove has been close to errorless so far...and he has learned how to turn a double play! Rod Serling needs to end this madness once and for all. Grade: B-

Chad Bradford: April was like a root beer float. May has been more like room temperature milk. Grade: B-

Chris Woodward: There's a rumor that in the midst of digging for Jimmy Hoffa's remains in Michigan, work crews found the part of the depth chart that has Chris Woodward's name on it. Grade: C+

Billy Wagner: C is for Country Boy. C is for Concentrating with a four run lead. Guess what else C stands for? Grade: C+

Steve Trachsel: All right, I'm going to give Steve Trachsel a grade. Wait, I'm not ready yet. I have to go get a soda from the kitchen. All right, now I'm rea...wait, bathroom break. All right, now, oh, the cat wants to play? All right, here's some bottle caps and some tin foil balls. Wow, you're pretty good at this. Oh, right. Trachsel's grade. Well, he's been victimized by unfavorable matchups, hitter's parks, and the Atlanta Braves. But I have a feeling better things are to come for him. But before I give a grade, let me step away from the keyboard to get some resin for my fingers, because typing is hard on my fingertips and I'm getting some calcium deposits on them...all right, oh, now I have to burn a Mrs. Grundy CD for my sister...ALL RIGHT CALM DOWN I'M GETTING TO TRACHSEL'S GRADE! Giving grades need all my concentration and care...okay, finally. I'm ready. What? Runtime error??!?!??? Grade: C

Cliff Floyd: Most players would get a horrible grade for hitting .203 at this point in the season. But Cliff still busts his ass in the field, and he makes David Wright smile just by being his friend and calling him a wannabe pimp. Grade: C-

Jorge Julio: I will not make a gratuitous Anna Benson joke. I will not make a gratuitous Anna Benson joke. I will not make a gratuitous Anna Benson joke. I will not make a gratuitous Anna Benson joke. I will not make a gratuitous Anna Benson joke. I will not make a gratuitous Anna Benson joke. Grade: C-

Jose Valentin: Completely useless until the Miller Park series. Must have been that cold frosty Old Milwaukee. Grade: D++

Victor Zambrano: "Rehabbing with Barbaro...The Victor Zambrano Story" Grade: D-

Anderson Hernandez: One web gem does not a quarter of a season make. Grade: INC

Rick Peterson's Hair: Grade: A

Jose Lima's Hair: Grade: F

The Fools that wrote that "Our Team, Our Time" song: Grade: F

Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez, and Ron Darling: Not Fran Healy. Good enough for me. Grade: A

Willie Randolph: There are no hard numbers to quantify what kind of job Willie Randolph has done this season...except for this: Two ejections this season. Willie is no longer a doormat...and that's good enough for me...for now. Grade: B


Anonymous said...

You're an idiot. These grades are homerific. How about being partial in your reproting. Who are you John Sterling

Anonymous said...

Can you enlighten us as to the Anna Benson reference for Jorge Julio? Sorry but I didn't pay much attention to her antics, what does it have to do with him?

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to be the third idiot to comment.

Of course thse ratings are homerific. This is a Mets Blog. He's grading based on how Mets fans view their team.

Anonymous said...

Matt didn't call the great play of Feliciant, Luke did.

Anonymous said...

Actually, it was John.

John 3:15.

ajsmith said...

Aaron Heilman throws 96 with movement, a nasty change, and keeps the ball down.

Record of Mets' starters not nicknamed "Ace," 4-11.

Randolph gets C.

Anonymous said...

Which uniforms was wagner wearing during his 3 (cough.... four...) blown saves? maybe there is a pattern, and maybe he is allergic to the different fabric. symptoms include itchiness, finger inflammation, vertigo, sudden lack of control, pinching of the strike zone, and/or anywhere from 2 to 6 mph off your fastball.

j m said...

C is for Country Boy. C is for Concentrating with a four run lead. Guess what else C stands for?

Oh, you always know how to put it, MD. Dayum...I wish I could have wrote that.

j m said...

Oh...and you could have given Julio a DD and no one would have been the wiser.

Metstradamus said...

First anonymous: I am an idiot. But tell me who got an A that doesn't deserve one. I would be partial in my reporting except for the fact that I'm not a reporter. I'm not going to dignify the Sterling comment. See you in hell.

Second Anonymous: Who was traded for Jorge Julio? And who is that man's wife? There's your answer. Thanks for playing.

Third anonymous: Thanks for having my back.

Fourth and Fifth anonymous: YOU are my people.

AJ, I get ya. I just love Heilman in that bullpen. And I'm not sure if Willie is solely the man making the decision on Heilman. I think that's an organizational thing. Oh, and please teach anonymous number one how to dole out constructive criticism.

Metstradamus said...


DD. Brilliant!

jabair said...

anonymous #1.. you got some issues man.. talk about a short fuse...

whats goin on??

not enough love from mommy and too much love from daddy??

remember!! its not your fault...

you were not a bad kid!!!

Ed in Westchester said...

Metstra - Love the hate list, but can we add "Yankee Universe" to the list? I mean, c'mon, they had to one up the "Red Sox Nation" with lame assed "Yankee Universe"? How fracking babyish can they be? Cripes, even Damon wore one of the shirts!
anonymous #1 -
Who are you, Fran Healy?
Did you ever learn that when you pose a question, you are supposed to put a question mark at the end? And then you insult Metstra even more by calling him John Sterling? For shame, for shame.

Ed in Westchester said...

Metstra - I voted "someone else" in the ASG poll. I would prefer that neither Pedro nor Tom throw any extra innings. R&R for both of them, please.

Metstradamus said...

Ed, thanks for the tip. I have received confirmation from the Yankee-sphere that "Yankee Universe" is a promotion aimed at selling t-shirts to raise money for cancer research...rather than a way to one-up Red Sox Nation.

However the line I do hear from the Bronx is that "They're only a Nation...we are an Empire."

And people wonder why Mets fans chant "Yankees Suck" when the Mets are playing the Rockies.

Metstradamus said...

On your vote in the poll, the Mets dodged that bullet last year, which was great. I don't think they can dodge it twice in a row. But it's a good idea.

Kyle in Newport News said...

"But Cliff still busts his ass in the field"

Amen to that, Metstra, and kudos for not grading on a curve (you had waaaay more A's this year). Those things are bogus.

Listmaker said...

i love the list, but i completely disagree with your peterson and lima ratings. switch them and your list is gold.

Metstradamus said...

Listmaker, you're not a fan of the mullet? :)

Both those cats are space cadets...but Peterson's hair is at least consistantly bizarre. Lima went from the clown hair to the braids to shaven bald. And it got him three losses so hence, the F.

Thanks List Man!

Metstradamus said...

Kyle, you da man as always!

Listmaker said...

good point. you've convinced me. but let me just say that only one of the two of these guys made eyes at my wife at an autograph session before a game in newark.

Metstradamus said...

A baseball player with a wandering eye? Never woulda thunk it.

Ed in Westchester said...

OK, they sort of get a pass on Yankee Universe, but I still gotta think a little of it is tweaking. Cancer research is a good cause.
That empire stuff kills me though.
As for the chant, well, if Ranger fans can still chant "Potvin Sucks" 15 years after he retired, then we can chant "Yankees Suck".

Anonymous said...

the "Potvin Sucks" chant is one of the saddest things I've ever heard.


Metstradamus said...

Screw Denis Potvin. He cost the Rangers the Cup in '79 by breaking Ulf Nilsson's leg. He's in Clemens territory for me.

And if you think people speculating about Clemens becoming a Met is bad, the Rangers (Mike Keenan) tried to bring Potvin out of retirement down the stretch in 1994. He declined, thankfully.

Ed in Westchester said...

Metstra - I bleed Blue and Orange for two teams (guess you figured that out). Sorry about Ulf's leg. You got some payback in 1994 though, with that sweep. Difference is, it was a clean hit. Now throwing a baseball at someone's head, then a shard of bat is another matter entirely.
I also was glad when Denis refused to return. Then again, it was Larry Brooks in the Post who printed that, and Larry at the time had a propensity for pulling stuff out of his anal orifice.
In any event, the chant is tired. How about "Yashin Sucks", it is timely, and true. Heck, we chant it at the Coliseum.

Metstradamus said...


I've only seen the hit once...but I thought I saw Potvin lift his leg on the hit. But like I said, my memory is fuzzy on that having only seen it once.

As for Brooks, I like him...he's a good hockey writer. My only problem with him is when Bobby Holik was in Jersey and New York, every column he wrote could have been titled "A Love Letter To Bobby Holik". Sickening.

LukeHalpert said...

I called the Feliciano thing,not Matt