Friday, May 19, 2006

Yankee Hating Primer...Version 2K6

Once again, it's time for the Shea Stadium installment of Yankees/Mets interleague play. And you know what that means? That's right boys and girls, time for more irrational hate.

You hear a lot about the "liberal media". I don't know about that, but this time of year, the media is definitely colored navy...even the media that's partially owned by the blue and orange.

Look, I like SNY. I understand where they are coming from in terms of not turning into a broadcast shill for the Mets...great! And I'm not going to slam SNY for playing it down the middle...except that I don't think they're playing it down the middle at all. I think they're so worried about being too pro-Met, that they're overcompensating the other way to prove that they're fair. They even produced a commercial where the television head icon is painting the toenails of a Yankee fan, in an effort to portray that they are "down the middle". With all the good that SNY has been doing in their inaugural go-around, my lasting legacy of this network that's partially owned by the New York Mets is of a man wearing a television on his head painting Yankee pinstripes on a woman's toenails!

Following Thursday's Mets game, "Daily News Live" had their Yankees/Mets preview. Who were the guests? Two Daily News writers, as is the norm, and recording artist/Yankee fan Fat Joe.

Fat Joe?

So let me get this straight...the Daily News' own Bob Raismann slams Gary and Keith for being biased by wearing rally caps in the fourteen inning game against Atlanta, but Fat Joe can go on "Daily News Live" and get the panel, a panel mysteriously devoid of a celebrity Met fan, to dance the "lean back" dance (puke bucket, please) and that's OK?

Then, on half hour highlight show "Sports Net Live" at 6PM, the anchor goes to break four or five times in that thirty minute span...and twice, they go to break showing a "classic moment" from Yankee/Met history. The very first thing they show?

Is that nice?

The other "moment" they showed? Well, it could have been balanced to make it fair...because it's the fairness that they're going after here, right? But noooooooooooooooooo! We get a Paul O'Neill walk off base hit in 1997. What, no steal of home by Steve Bieser? No Dave Mlicki complete game? No Matt Franco walk-off hit? No double by Dae Sung Flippin' Koo?

No. Instead, we'll get three days glorifying the Giambino. We'll get a heaping dose of Tino Martinez...oh, excuse me, "The Bam-Tino" on "Baseball Tonight", an ESPN original production, telling us that Miguel Cairo (the Mig-bino) should have made that play where "Captain Cyborg" Derek Jeter (the Bam-Jeter) threw one high on the glove side where Cairo had to jump for it and whip back with the tag...because nothing is ever the Manchurian Shortstop's fault...nothing!

We'll hear about Alex Rodriguez, more commonly known as the Al-bino. We'll see a steady loop of the recent walk off home run by Jorge Posada (the Bam-sada) on FOX's pre-game show on Saturday, because FOX's major league baseball game of the week has never heard of the Mets. Posada, meanwhile, is predated in Yankee lore by Ron Hassey, who during his time with the Yankees was also called "The Babe".

Of course, the Yankees will be missing Hideki Matsui, also known as Bam-zilla, and Gary Sheffield (the Sheff-bino), but there will be the Bam-Cano, the Damon-bino, game one Yankee starter: the Unitino, and the closer, also known as the Bambi-Mo.

And don't forget Yankee announcer John Sterling who insists on peeing on his team's history by nicknaming every marginal player after the man with the second most home runs of all time.

And all this, on the network partially owned by the Mets!

I must add that finally, after having missed the 10PM highlight show, a pro-Met moment appeared on the "Sports Net Live" highlight show at the high viewer traffic hour of one in the morning...a Mike Piazza home run in a 2001 game. But seven minutes later, during the same show...

Fifty-three all time regular and postseason matchups, and Roger Clemens' attempted homicide gets two airings...all because the guy with the television head insists on painting the Yankee fan's toenails.

What's next...Mike and the Mad Dog call a Mets game on the FAN?

9 comments:

jabair said...

what a bunch of jerk-binos...

Whats next?? FOX NEWS endorsing hillary for 2008???

I cant wait for the day when this MLB/FOX sports deal ends.. I cant wait for MLB to be a free agent again...

please add john sterling to the hate list...

jabair said...

found the following on newsday.com:

The Platforms
SNY vs. YES
Sure, if Steinbrenner were ever caught on tape strangling someone, the YES announcers would say the victim had it coming. But that's what most Yankees fans want, isn't it? I don't get SNY's whole "objective" approach. Save that for Newsday. Glorify away!
Edge: YES.

Anonymous said...

I've read some damn funny things on said blog, and this is among the damn funniest.

When does Stein-bino show?

Thanks for the good work.

Tommy_Calzone said...

Damus!!!

your best rant yet!
Too f***kin funny!

but alas, no predictions on this series?

I'll be there tonight, hoping to see the "Unitino" continue pitching like the the "Big Washed Up".

Is it just me or is it the things coming out of Randy's mouth sound eerily similar to what was coming out of Robbie Alomar's mouth a few years back?

albertsonmets said...

Alex Rodriguez is not the Al-bino, after a homer he's "Alexander the Great."
Just thought I point this out as it is supremely lame, even for Sterling, aka "The Horse's Assbino."

Metstradamus said...

Prediction? Pain!

Well, the Yankees pitching the way it is, I think you can book at least one Mets win. Look at the pitching and you would think it's Sunday...but I think tonight looks good. Even Saturday with Petey could go either way so a sweep is possible. So in an abridged and poorly thought out look into the future, I'll say 2 wins for the Mets this weekend.

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

Awesome job, brother!

jabair said...

mariabino gets b!tch slappbinoed

Metstradamus said...

Oh, I forgot...

Tommy, Randy sounds defeated when he talks. Robby sounded like he wanted some cheese to go with his whine.