Friday, May 01, 2009

Antiquation Domination

So I'm tooling around the internets and I come across this:
"The Mets have to de-stress their baseball lives. They have a beautiful new ballpark with a beautiful new clubhouse. This isn't Shea. In the old clubhouse, The Post and other local newspapers used to be placed on a table in the middle of the room.

Now the only daily paper present is USA Today, which is part of some of the subtle changes made."
Let me be the first to say "Bravo!" Because what better way to coddle our baseball professionals and squash the notion of free speech in New York City than to only have state-sponsored print newspapers available for the working players. It's brilliant, and it's obviously necessary. It's certainly a plan with no downside.

But why stop there? As long as we're eliminating antiquated media left and right, let's ban that telegraph machine from the clubhouse. Because heaven forbid Samuel Morse sends a message telling the boys that their batting average with runners in scoring position sucks. And those rapscallions with the megaphones? Put restraining orders on all of them ... get the local police force to take care of them.

I heard that the next plan of action to make sure the players are sufficiently insulated from the unfair outside world is to ban all Pony Express deliveries from the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. That's what the Bullpen Gate is for.

Friends, we can all rejoice in the fact that not only are we raising oblivious, sheltered, perspective challenged head cases professionals who can just worry about baseball without having to hear of the criticism they obviously don't deserve to hear, but we can now commence with our own free speech initiative against the Wilpons for their past, present, and future acts. After all, it can only be assumed that they have not received the news of a brand new invention called the personal computer. It really is all the rage.

You think Jeff Wilpon was placed in one of those little leagues where everybody received trophies and they didn't keep score?


Unser said...

It's really pathetic, as is the Phillies as motivation factor. After two straight collapses, you'd think these guys would want to take every at-bat of every game seriously. No, but if you post the Cole Hamels quote on the bulletin board, THEN we'll start playing.

James Allen said...

Where to start...

Wednesday's Met meltdown barely registered with me as I was more wrapped up in watching the Devils really meltdown. Ack. Nothing quite like losing a game 7 Stanley Cup Playoff series like that. Talk about numb.

Thursday I was on the road listening to the second half of the game on the radio. All I can say is that it just goes to show that our guy walks the first two guys and they get two, and their guy walks the first two guys and the Mets get zip.

And no, I wouldn't have asked Wright to bunt. And yeah, pinch hitting Santos was ridiculous. Might as well release Castro now, I mean what's the point? Manuel's falling in love with one week wonders now? It's one thing for a well-meaning but crazy guy like Joe Benigno to think Santos is suddenly going to become Johnny Bench at the age of 27 with two cups of coffee in the majors, but a major league manager like Manuel should have a little more common sense than that, shouldn't he?

But it all comes down to this roster. The bench was short (no Castillo and Delgado). Are these guys going to play this weekend? If not, freaking DL them already and get some more players up here. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of Omar and his ex-Expos obession, his obsession with cheap garbage, his poor roster construction, and his complete lack of attention to this team's offensive core, which has gagged on it for 2+ seasons. Despite what happened Wednesday afternoon, this offense can't use the bullpen as a crutch. I don't want to hear it. Score some damn runs already or get guys who can get it done.

Hazeleyes said...

Oh for the love of Pete.

There is no coddling in baseball. This coddling has to stop. If I were the owner, I would be posting the papers on the bulletin boards and marking pertinent passages with a highlighter.

Toughen up, cupcakes. Take your lumps. Don't like reading you are playing like a bunch of grandmas? Then play better!

The usual cure for criticism and excessive booing is to play better.

How hard is this concept to grasp? Can't play better? Then retire.

I think I ought to volunteer my services as a motivational speaker.