Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Now You Will Know My True Self

Remember the South Park episode where Butters was fired from the group of friends because he was too lame ... and then Butters went home and was so bitter that he developed the alter ego: "Professor Chaos"?

I have this picture in my mind of Willie Randolph at home watching Monday night's game and seeing Carlos Delgado pounding away (.728 OPS 9 HR's 28 RBI under Randolph, .925 OPS, 17 HR's 52 RBI since ... not including the two dingers and six ribbies tonight) and Mike Pelfrey morphing into Roy Hallapelf (3-6 under Willie, 10-2 since ... including his second straight complete game tonight) and making the decision to don the tin foil and become "Manager Chaos", forumlating a plan to get revenge on his former club for not overacheiving under his watch ... while sneaking into restaurants and switching people's soup in the meantime. So if you're in a Philadelphia diner this afternoon and you ordered Tomato Bisc and instead get French Onion, you'll know ... you'll know.

But I know how Willie will get his revenge. It's either going to involve the upcoming two game series in Philadelphia (maybe he'll try to flood the earth and broadcast an evil message on the scoreboard like Professor Chaos did at Coors Fied) ... or he's going to work his underground connections to make sure the Mets make a trade for a certain pitcher that has recently been seen passing through waivers to help replace the recently DL'd John Maine.

Trust me, you don't want to know which certain pitcher I'm talking about ... unless you're masochistic. If you are, click here and find out. And if it does come true, remember Manager Chaos. And if it doesn't come true, it'll be because he was told that the Simpsons already did it.

15 comments:

ForWhomJayBellTolls said...

I was wondering why my order at Bennigan's got messed up

James Allen said...

And if it does come true, remember Manager Chaos.

I have a picture of Willie sneaking into Citi Field spraying aerosol cans.

And if it doesn't come true, it'll be because he was told that the Simpsons already did it.

Oh great, that's all we need: Mr. Burns as the GM. Next thing you know, they'll be trying to get a hold of Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown. (Which, come to think of it, is not a much worse pitching option than Rogers.)

Mike said...

Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Metstra, you bastard! That link you sent me to was the cruelest thing anyone's ever done to me.

kennyd said...

Tack-on runs--what a novel idea. Guess the Mets realized that just because you score in the first inning it doesn't mean you have to stop there.

Kenny Rogers??? Arrrrggggghhhh!!!!

tim said...

You told me I didn't want to know, you warned me plenty, but I just had to look.

NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!

In fairness to MC, Pelfrey's turn around can be marked from the time Randolph, Minaya and, I assume, Petersen decided to keep Pelfrey in the rotation and stick Vargas in the bullpen.

Andrew Vazzano said...

While that episode with Butters is good, I've never laughed so hard as the one I saw last night about the size of poo.

Effin' Bono.

Unser said...

The Gambler?!? That indeed would be shocking.

Pelfrey and Delgado haved certainly picked it up . . . as Willie would say . . . "a little bit".

And a curtain call for Delgado . . . all's well I guess.

Who's up for two days of mayhem in Philly? Let's hope we're the ones mayhemming. Just a thought here for Jerry tonight - start Tatis in left and Church in right. Church is hitting .375 (3 for 8) against Moyer this year and Tatis has 2 hits in 4 at bats against him. I think a guy like Nick Evans might be befuddled by Moyer's junk.

Anonymous said...

I would rather take Colonel Sanders over the other half baked option.

Demitri said...

I'll dramatize the last game of the year for you.

After John Maine barely makes it through 4 innings, the bullpen coughs up the lead and we're tied in the ninth.

Bases loaded with Marlins, Hanley Ramirez is up with a 3-2 count. Somewhere Joe Morgan says, "don't let it end this way."

Then, Kenny Rogers next pitch sails out of the strike zone for Ball 4, forcing in the go-ahead run. Heilman comes in and gives up the slam to give them a 5 run lead.

The Mets score 4 in the bottom half, but lose when Jose Reyes tries to steal 3rd with David Wright at the plate and a 3-0 count.

Of course, the Phils win their game and go into the NLDS to be swept by the Cubs.

There, I said it.

Schneck said...

I actually live a few towns away from Willie and am now quite concerned as I saw Randolph and Rogers high fiving and laughing maniacally in a local Starbucks and taking turns defacing a picture of Omar.

James Allen said...

And while we're all here, is anyone going to that Mets at the Ziegfeld Theater thing tomorrow night (Wednesday)? It sounds intriguing enough, and hey, Santana is pitching. I'd rather see that than Pineapple Express any day.

P.S. "Well Mr. Burns had done it, the power plant had won it, with Roger Clemens clucking all the while..."

Toasty Joe said...

Maybe they can hire Mr. Burns' hypnotist for Aaron Heilman.

Heilman: But I did a goooood job....a gooood job...

Minaya: Well, I suppose it's not your fault. You did a good job.

Keyser said...

I know everyone loves to hate on Kenny Rogers, but don't forget how he pitched for the Mets in 1999 before the playoffs:
Record: 5-1
ERA of 4.03 (league average was 4.43 for that span)
He pitched 2 complete games for the Mets in 12 starts (the Mets only had 3 other complete games pitched for the WHOLE YEAR, one each for Leiter, Reed, and Yoshii)
The Mets were 10-2 in games that he started that year.

Yes, he had a bad postseason (Although he pitched 2 scoreless innings in Game 5) and walking Andruw Jones was inexcusable, but the Mets don't make the playoffs in 1999 without Kenny Rogers.

Windmill Willie said...

Kenny Rogers has a long history of choking in big games and performing well in the regular season in small markets. The 1999 reg season was a fluke as he coughed it up big time for the Yankees (I'm not sure what his overall record was with the Mets). He almost single handedly ruined the dream season of 1996 as it took a miracle Leyritz home run to dig out of the mess Rogers put them in. Punching autograph seekers in Detroit and cameramen in Texas....and his only big playoff win in Detroit over the Yanks was clouded by "mud" on his left hand during that start (Oh pleeeese). You're sick if you want him back. You're better off with Maine and a bad arm.

Hey Metstra - Manager Chaos must be working tonight as they've blown a 7-0 lead against the Phils! Lets see if Willie can finish them off?

Windmill Willie said...

You're sick if you want Kenny Rogers back. He has a long history of blowing it in big games and performing well in small markets. He was horrible for the Yankees and almost single handedly ruined the dream season of 1996 (it took a miracle Leyritz home run to dig out of the hole he created). I'm not sure what his overall record was with the Mets, but he couldn't do it across town. Punching autograph seekers in Detroit and camermen in Texas...oh brother. The only big game he ever won in the playoffs was with "mud" on his left hand! Oh pleeese. I'd take Maine with a bad arm over him anyday....because I know he'll be gutsy and show up in the big game.

Metrstra - Manager chaos is at work tonight with the Mets blowing a 7-0 lead! However two big plays in the field are pushing that karma away for now.