So what does that make Guillermo Mota and Aaron Heilman?
Salmonella and Botulism, apparently.
The Florida Marlins, let's face it, are a team that should be beaten into submission by teams at the top of the division. They run themselves out of innings. They have a left fielder that calls for a ball that is headed twenty rows deep into the bleachers, and a third baseman that would have probably scored in the sixth inning if he would have had a salad instead of another mozzarepa for lunch yesterday.
But all of those weaknesses, along with tonight's strength of David Wright's two bombs (and Carlos Delgado's bunt hit...bunt hit!!!) were neutralized by the dynamic duo of Salmonella Mota and Aaron Botulism. Excessive amounts will make any Met fan vomit (as well as excessive amounts of these gut wrenching losses).
I'm done. I'm done with them. Listen, I'm not right about a lot of things, as you well know by reading this drivel. But one thing I did say that kinda sorta made sense was that last winter was the time to trade Aaron Heilman. His value as a money pitcher was at its peak last year...even the infamous Yadier Molina home run was generally forgiven, as it was his second inning of work. But that was it. The trend was down, and everybody knew it. You know what you can get for him now?
- A Ziploc bag full of toothpaste. Not even in the tube, just a plastic bag that you have to dip your toothbrush in to brush your teeth.
- You know when you crack off the tab on your VHS tape so nobody can record over it anymore? You can get a bag full of those...not the tapes, the plastic tabs.
- Steve Trachsel.
(I'm starting to miss Steve Trachsel. At least Trachsel would let you know early that a game was a lost cause. What's the use of having a 300 game winner on your team if your bullpen is only going to rip your heart out in the end? Steve Trachsel let you know early that your night was going to be a wash so that you could go to the pub and commiserate.)
And I'm sorry I ever started to soften on the other twin. It really was in our best interests that Mota would bounce back from his suspension and shake off last season's NLCS. Omar Minaya was right...other teams wanted him in the off season. Willing to sign him at multiple seasons. He's damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't on that one. If he goes somewhere and is lights out, Minaya looks foolish. So I could understand what he's thinking here. We should have been a better team with the inclusion of Guillermo Mota. Instead, I wish that he could have just been evasive and vague like every other mope that got caught on the juice so that Omar wouldn't have thought twice about not signing him and that would have been that. Instead, Mota had to be truly sorry, much to our detriment.
Scott Schoeneweis was the Mets' best reliever on Saturday. Just thought I'd remind you of that.
And here's another thing that bothers me: If Carlos Beltran can't hit from the right side, we're through. I thought Willie was a boob tonight for putting Ruben Gotay up to pinch hit instead of Beltran in the eighth with two runners on, and no guarantee that Beltran would see the light of day today. Instead, Beltran comes up for Luis Castillo (with Gotay already burned in the eighth meaning that Damion Easley would have had to go from right field to second base), an at bat that would have never happened if Jose Reyes hadn't walked with two outs in the ninth.
My point is this: teams are going to bring in lefties to force Beltran to bat righty the rest of the season. Who can blame you or me for thinking that this oblique that is hindering his right handed swing is going to stick around for a while. For crying out loud, it's 2005 all over again, where Beltran was hurt and David Wright has no protection (and as long as Carlos Delgado isn't going deep, Wright has no protection). So as long as Willie Randolph is forced to make goofy moves like holding batting Ruben Gotay and holding back Carlos Beltran, we're doomed...doomed to an immediate future of throwing up in the bathroom non-stop from some bad bullpen food.
So where can I get some of that French cooking?