Wherever You Go, There You Are

There are a lot of theories as to what happened to Jose Reyes down the stretch last season. One of them surrounds Jose Valentin being injured, therefore not being around to impart his wisdom to Reyes, much like Mike Brady would impart to his son Greg when he thought he could drop out of high school to pitch for the Dodgers. Well, what happened when Mike Brady wasn't around to mentor Greg in the final episode?

That's correct, Greg wound up with orange hair. This doesn't happen with Mike in the picture. Just like Jose Reyes doesn't go into a two month funk if Jose Valentin is around. To that end, the Mets have brought back Jose Valentin ... the Mets' Mike Brady.

"Because alone, we can only move buckets. But if we work together, we can drain rivers."

I don't know what is more insane, Jose Valentin being back on the Mets to be a constant reminder to Jose Reyes to eat his veggies and not swing at fertilizer in the dirt hereby becoming the highest profile baby-sitter in America, or Shingo Takatsu being back in the league.

It took Takatsu two years to get back to the majors, which is about how long it takes for one of his pitches to reach home plate (or that Miguel Cabrera double to stop rolling).

Hypnotized by Baseball's Unwritten Hypocrisy

What? The Mets haven't acquired Johan Santana yet? Clearly, someone must be fired over this.

No, I haven't jumped off a tall building. I've been watching some things online to try to cheer me up. In fact, I've been watching them over and over again...helps to self medicate. You could probably use some self-medicating yourself.

But I've been also watching the playoffs. Yes, despite the plethora of reasons not to watch, I can't stay away. I guess the fact that my defenses have been down, and that I've been staring into space like a deer in the headlights for the better part of the past week has made me more susceptible to being hypnotized by Dane Cook.

(You must watch because there is only one October. Now come down from the tree.)

Heck, I hardly reacted when Kaz Matsui hit a grand slam during Game 2 against the Phillies, and sparked their series sweep two nights later. I've become so numb to it all. I mean, it figures...right? Of course Kaz Matsui is in the NLCS the same year we blow a seven game lead with seventeen to play...the same year Scott Kazmir led the American League in strikeouts. Makes perfect sense to me.

I've been like the two guys that parodied Omar Minaya and Willie Randolph on SNL this past week when asked by Amy Poehler why they choked, they just kind of made random noises and shrugged their shoulders (you know you made a major collapse when you've been parodied by the guy from "Goodburger".)

Yes, that's been me.

I have just one request for the 2008 season: Can somebody please make clear to me the rules about celebrations and handshakes? Because I was led to believe that the Mets irritated everybody because their celebrations were not only choreographed, but they were in the on-deck circle instead of the dugout, where it's apparently safe for Miguel Cabrera to throw around Alfredo Amezaga like they were Torvill and Dean.

But did you see that little thing that Johnny Damon and Melky Cabrera did in the on-deck circle on Sunday night? That thing looked like it was choreographed to me, no?

So why didn't that infuriate the Indians? How come Casey Blake didn't come out and say "F**k the Yankees! F**k everyone on that team! I'll play with two broken arms and a bloody stump for Game four?"

Are the rules different in the playoffs? Are the rules different during tight games? Or are the rules, as always, different for the Yankees?

Or are the rules different because the Marlins got mad? And that it was Lastings Milledge that did the dancing? For those of you that are all po'd that Milledge got the Marlins all riled up to beat Tom Glavine and knock the Mets the next day, that the Marlins were motivated, I counter with this: It shouldn't have mattered! The Mets motivation should have trumped the Marlins motivation!

Except for one thing: they weren't motivated. As Carlos Delgado said, sometimes, they got bored.

(Oh, and the small detail that we stunk for two and a half weeks might have had something to do with it.)

Get mad at Lastings for not hustling after that Dontrelle Willis triple...I'll accept that. For dancing in the on-deck circle? I'll pass, thanks. Silly? During a 5-12 run yes. Motivating the Marlins? They're ones to talk.

But would somebody please write this unwritten rule down so we can all be clear on it? I understand the balk rule more than I understand this.

Dreamin'

It was fun watching a game where somebody else made all the errors, wasn't it?

Well, maybe it wasn't so much fun, but Pedro Martinez got it done, especially in the third inning when he had the bases loaded and one out and somehow escaped. It really was an important game in that respect. If the Marlins had beaten the Mets with their spiritual leader on the mound, then who do you turn to? No wonder they conjured up 5 runs in the two innings after that.

Amazingly, none of the Mets runs were earned as Miguel Cabrera refuses to dive, and Mike Jacobs...in his quest for a gold glove...played with a glove made of solid gold. The Mets rode Pedro's gutty performance and Moises Alou's club record 25 game hit streak to a rain shortened 8-4 five inning win over the Marlins, as the skies opened up and poured down on Miami, thankfully ending the game before the Marlins got to the Mets depleted bullpen. Thanks to that rainstorm, the Mets stayed 1 1/2 games ahead of Philadelphia. The only hope now for the Mets is that Carlos Beltran's foray into the wall which forced him out of action isn't going to keep him out that long.

Ironically, after the rain shortened game, a had an unusually vivid dream after I fell asleep about an hour after the game ended with no hope of resuming...it involved Guillermo Mota. I dreamt that the game actually did resume and Willie Randolph had Mota in for two innings. I tried to escape, but that stadium is so big...and every time I found an exit and walked through it, I ended up on the mozzarepa line. But Mota was getting outs! And then Willie actually put Mota in for a second inning, and he got everybody out. It was at that point, I knew I was dreaming because Mota never lasts two innings...and Randolph wouldn't be stupid enough to do that again, right?

But then, in the dream, Fredi Gonzalez was stupid enough to double switch Cabrera out of the game. And Carlos Delgado hit a home run to center field which conked me in the head and then I woke up...or so I thought. I dreamt then that I woke up on the couch in a cold sweat, and it was already the next morning so I flipped open the paper to see the boxscore of the Mets win...and the boxscore said "Schoeneweis (SV, 1)". Panicking, I flipped on the television for highlights, and I saw Willie...and he was mad! He was mad apparently because Carlos Gomez, get this, tried to steal third base with two outs! I mean, now I really knew I was dreaming because he sure as hell wouldn't have done that after Jose Reyes made the same mistake two weeks ago.

And I also know it was a dream because Willie never gets mad, right? So I tried to run out of my apartment, and kept running...and running...and running...until I saw third base in the distance so I rounded it even though Sandy Alomar was giving me the stop sign...and here I come home to try to bowl over Miguel Olivo. Only it wasn't Miguel Olivo...it was Britney Spears! So I ran faster and tried to put her in the third row but she gave me the sweep tag and I flew all the way into the upper deck.

When I landed there...Timo Perez was wearing a World Series ring yelling at me for not running hard all the way from my apartment. And on my other side I saw Shakira dancing with Jimmy Rollins in the aisle. I was briefly distracted by the merry go round they brought on the field where Moises Alou was riding it with Hubie Brooks and Mike Piazza. Mota was then brushed back by a pitch, and then he chased Piazza around the field. And then all of a sudden, I noticed I was wearing a cast on my leg from landing so hard in the upper deck...and Carlos Beltran was wearing a matching cast because he was out for the season!!!

Then I really did wake up. And I wrote this post. Damn, I gotta stop eating jalapenos before going to bed.

French Cooking With A Sickening Twist

Jorge Sosa is like French cooking...at least according to a fan on the 7 train tonight. Sosa was pretty good in the seventh and eighth innings on Friday night, so French cooking must be pretty good.

So what does that make Guillermo Mota and Aaron Heilman?

Salmonella and Botulism, apparently.

The Florida Marlins, let's face it, are a team that should be beaten into submission by teams at the top of the division. They run themselves out of innings. They have a left fielder that calls for a ball that is headed twenty rows deep into the bleachers, and a third baseman that would have probably scored in the sixth inning if he would have had a salad instead of another mozzarepa for lunch yesterday.

But all of those weaknesses, along with tonight's strength of David Wright's two bombs (and Carlos Delgado's bunt hit...bunt hit!!!) were neutralized by the dynamic duo of Salmonella Mota and Aaron Botulism. Excessive amounts will make any Met fan vomit (as well as excessive amounts of these gut wrenching losses).

I'm done. I'm done with them. Listen, I'm not right about a lot of things, as you well know by reading this drivel. But one thing I did say that kinda sorta made sense was that last winter was the time to trade Aaron Heilman. His value as a money pitcher was at its peak last year...even the infamous Yadier Molina home run was generally forgiven, as it was his second inning of work. But that was it. The trend was down, and everybody knew it. You know what you can get for him now?

• A Ziploc bag full of toothpaste. Not even in the tube, just a plastic bag that you have to dip your toothbrush in to brush your teeth.
• You know when you crack off the tab on your VHS tape so nobody can record over it anymore? You can get a bag full of those...not the tapes, the plastic tabs.
• Steve Trachsel.

(I'm starting to miss Steve Trachsel. At least Trachsel would let you know early that a game was a lost cause. What's the use of having a 300 game winner on your team if your bullpen is only going to rip your heart out in the end? Steve Trachsel let you know early that your night was going to be a wash so that you could go to the pub and commiserate.)

And I'm sorry I ever started to soften on the other twin. It really was in our best interests that Mota would bounce back from his suspension and shake off last season's NLCS. Omar Minaya was right...other teams wanted him in the off season. Willing to sign him at multiple seasons. He's damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't on that one. If he goes somewhere and is lights out, Minaya looks foolish. So I could understand what he's thinking here. We should have been a better team with the inclusion of Guillermo Mota. Instead, I wish that he could have just been evasive and vague like every other mope that got caught on the juice so that Omar wouldn't have thought twice about not signing him and that would have been that. Instead, Mota had to be truly sorry, much to our detriment.

Scott Schoeneweis was the Mets' best reliever on Saturday. Just thought I'd remind you of that.

And here's another thing that bothers me: If Carlos Beltran can't hit from the right side, we're through. I thought Willie was a boob tonight for putting Ruben Gotay up to pinch hit instead of Beltran in the eighth with two runners on, and no guarantee that Beltran would see the light of day today. Instead, Beltran comes up for Luis Castillo (with Gotay already burned in the eighth meaning that Damion Easley would have had to go from right field to second base), an at bat that would have never happened if Jose Reyes hadn't walked with two outs in the ninth.

My point is this: teams are going to bring in lefties to force Beltran to bat righty the rest of the season. Who can blame you or me for thinking that this oblique that is hindering his right handed swing is going to stick around for a while. For crying out loud, it's 2005 all over again, where Beltran was hurt and David Wright has no protection (and as long as Carlos Delgado isn't going deep, Wright has no protection). So as long as Willie Randolph is forced to make goofy moves like holding batting Ruben Gotay and holding back Carlos Beltran, we're doomed...doomed to an immediate future of throwing up in the bathroom non-stop from some bad bullpen food.

So where can I get some of that French cooking?

Don't Hate The Player, Hate The Rule

Will you add Billy Wagner to the "Hate List" now that he has blown an All-Star game like the NL players on your list? The dinger he gave up ended up being the difference in the game. IF the Mets make the World Series and don't have the home field advantage, you won't have Trevor Hoffman to pick on. -Anonymous commenter

Well, that's a mighty cheery sentiment.

The answer, quite frankly is no.

First off, and I've said this many times before, this World Series home field advantage rule is stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. If Billy Wagner's ill fated gopher ball costs the Mets home field advantage in the World Series, then it simply means that the team that actually makes the World Series is responsible for its own fate. In this era of stupid rules, I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is not having a Mets/Tigers World Series Game One in Shea Stadium because Trevor Hoffman gave up a triple to Michael Young, and Miguel Cabrera wouldn't dive for a ground ball...and last I checked, none of the three played for the Mets, or the Tigers.

And one other thing: if the Mets have to play Games 3, 4, and 5 of the World Series at Shea Stadium because Billy Wagner gave up a home run ball to Victor Martinez, then that still means that we're in the World Series! Would you rather Billy Wagner gives up a home run to So Taguchi in the NLCS? Or Brian McCann in September? Or Pat Burrell in...

Strike that.

Besides, have you checked the Mets road record? It's not bad.

(Editor's note: Metstradamus reserves the right to continue to pick on Trevor Hoffman, who had the bases empty and two men out with a two run lead in the 2006 World Series. This is non-negotiable. Metstradamus also reserves the right to pick on Chris Young, giving up a home run to a man half his size...then again, most men are half his size.)

Desert Elixir

Closers beware. Damion Easley is your worst nightmare.

First, it was Brian Fuentes. Now, it is Jose Valverde looking for a therapist, thanks to Easley's ninth inning blast which led to a 9-4 Mets victory.

It's the circle of life, you see. Last year, Jose Valentin was the old (or for you politically correct folk, "experienced") second baseman who took advantage of an injury to return to baseball relevance and have a solid season. This season, Valentin's circle starts to head back to the beginning, as he is now injured, and Easley is the aged second sacker taking advantage with some well-timed home run daggers.

Last season, it was all of those first inning runs that made the difference. For a 2007 change of pace, the Mets decided to wait until inning nine and give everybody agita. The Mets won yet again in a place where they have dominated over the past few seasons, outscoring Arizona 93-24 since 2004...and 76-16 in eight games in Arizona! (I'll ask again: Is there any way we can make some last minute changes to the Citi Field plans to include a roof and a swimming pool in the outfield? I asked this last season, and finally the wire services have picked up on my idea...without giving me credit, of course.)

Let's also acknowledge the good work of Aaron Heilman, since we spend a lot of time focusing on the bad. And let this be a lesson to all of you aspiring eighth inning set up men out there (or as the frequently absent Keith Hernandez would say: "All you kids out there"), pitching a 1-2-3 eighth inning while tied or down by a run is just as important as pitching a 1-2-3 eighth inning while up by a run. Yes Aaron, I'm talking to you. Now do you see? Now do you see the lift that you can give a club going into the ninth inning when you simply keep the game close? There's no glory in it...much like the glory you seek by being a starter. But choosy baseball fans know that pitchers who excel in their roles will get just as loud an ovation at the twentieth anniversary reunions as do the glamour positions on the team if you just do your job.

And welcome back to power hitting, David Wright. Sugar Pants' second home run of the season was a long three run job to right field which may or may not signal the return of Wright to his "comfort zone". We know the Mets have returned to their comfort zone which is the zip code of 85004...Phoenix, AZ. Nothing but comfort here.

***

And speaking of comfort, the Mets are so comfortable with the depth of their pitching staff, that they have designated Chan Ho Park for assignment. Jorge Sosa, who would have pitched on Monday instead of Park if they had known about Orlando Hernandez's injury a bit sooner, will probably be the one coming up. Make no mistake, Sosa scares me half to death, but his numbers in New Orleans are impressive...especially the lack of home runs that he has given up. So once again I repeat to myself: "In Omar We Trust...In Omar We Trust...In Omar We Trust". I'm writing it on the blackboard 100 times.

Speaking of Omar, how could he have been accused of having a batting practice conversation with Miguel Cabrera? Cabrera's gaining so much weight and bulk that he was near everybody on the field and ten guys in the stands at the same time.

Your 2007 N.L. East Preview: Florida Marlins

Some of the greatest lies told in history:

1. "The check is in the mail."
2. "I'll respect you in the morning."
3. "I knew the Marlins would be good last year."

No, it's not. No, you aren't. And no...you didn't.

The Marlins were the most surprising story of 2006 after "Fire Sale II: Electric Boogaloo" that previous winter. Who dared to give the Marlins a chance to hang around the .500 mark one season after unloading the likes of Josh Beckett, Luis Castillo, Juan Pierre, and two players who were major Mets contributors in Carlos Delgado and Paul Lo Duca.

But every break that the Marlins could have gotten in terms of the development of young players, they got. Hanley Ramirez was the Rookie of the Year without leading the rookies in his own team in HR's and RBI...that honor went to middle infield partner Dan "Rule Five" Uggla. Josh Willingham went .277/26/74 in his first full season. Mike Jacobs overcame a lousy first two months and an injury riddled last two months to hit .262 with 20 HR's (shows you how good those middle two months were). Anibal Sanchez went 10-3 with a 2.83 ERA and a no-hitter to his credit (that's four no-hitters for the Marlins in their history, none for the Mets...just thought I'd throw that out there). Scott Olsen went 12-10 with a 4.04 ERA and almost killed Miguel Cabrera.

The Marlins' rookies were so good that the one rookie I thought would shine probably had the tamest season of them all.

The Marlins shored up their bullpen today by trading prospect Yusmeiro Petit for Julio Jorge (no, Anna...it's Jorge Julio) , who will be their closer. (It always scares me when former Mets are traded for each other...when another circle of life closes like that, the ramifications for Mets personnel and fans alike can't be good.) Sure, Julio was ineffective in New York, but he's a more seasoned option than Henry Owens and Matt Lindstrom (see, more former Mets involved...very scary), who were the leading candidates to close before the trade. It improves the club, but it does so in a small market kind of way, as part of Julio's charm for Florida was his relative inexpensiveness, as they were also looking towards trading for Armando Benitez (that makes five former Mets used in context regarding another team in one paragraph. I think I just opened up a porthole to an evil alternate universe.)

The Marlins' surprise season made them the odds on "trendy pick" to win in 2007 until the Phillies got hot over the last two months of the season. The big "if", however, is what will happen to this team because of the ouster of Joe Girardi in favor of...well, technically Fredi Gonzalez, but to be real: Joe Girardi was let go in favor of "Not Joe Girardi". Girardi's rules and structure (and general "hard assness") kept a young team together through the end in the wild card race. Can Fredi Gonzalez do the same thing? Well, most managers would be silly to try to be his predecessor. It would also be silly to try too hard to be the "polar opposite" of his predecessor, and I wonder if that's what Gonzalez is going to try to do subconsciously to try to please his owner, Jeffrey Loria ("Sure Mr. Loria, go ahead and yell at the umpires for me...after all, it's your team!")

And don't count out Fire Sale III: Through The Olive Trees as long as Dontrelle Willis continues to be followed by rumors. But even after Willis' brush with the law this offseason, don't be surprised if it's Miguel Cabrera and not Dontrelle that finds a bus ticket out of town under his pillow one July evening.

Prediction: Fourth place, 75-87