I ... Hate ... Everything About You

I knew it was a bad sign when Brian Bannister, who was a Met many moons ago, turned in a dazzling start for the Royals today while the Mets have been struggling to find starters who could give any sort of consistant effort. If John Maine had turned in an acceptable effort, there would have been no need to invoke Bannister's name (or image).

Instead, Maine gives up eight runs in three innings en route (or is that rout) to an 11-3 loss in Denver ... and I start to long for pitchers from a bygone era.

After the game, Maine said that he "hates everything about himself." (And you thought it was just the fans who are self-loathing.) Forget his starting spot being in jeopardy, Maine sounds like somebody that could use a lesson in how to love himself again ... in the minor leagues.

Bobby Jones did it.

Steve Trachsel did it.

Both came out of it for the better. If Maine's delivery is in fact all over the place, then he needs to go somewhere and figure it out. A little scary since he recently came off a period of time that was invented for "figuring it out" (you know this as "spring training"). But in this, the most important April road trip in the history of April road trips, the Mets can't afford to let him figure it out against the Rockies, Albert Pujols, Howard and Utley, or the '79 Pirates.

Maine is going so bad that not only did Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez take calls from fans during the game who are wondering if the team needs to see a sports psychologist, but Keith is telling the masses "not to think too much", while using words like "primordial" which causes the fans to think too much about what that word actually means. When you come up with a performance which causes Keith to contradict himself in the same sentence, then it's time for some minor league rehab of the mental variety.

(And maybe Luis Castillo could use some mental health time too after going nuclear in the dugout after being nailed trying to stretch a single to a double in the sixth ... I mean, seriously now. Talk all you want about the fans losing their minds in the second week of the season but for Greg Smith's sake you have John Maine who hates himself, and Castillo who is throwing tantrums and it's April 13th! Who, exactly, are the crazy ones here?)

The Hate Becomes Slightly More Rational

The streamers were hung, the hors d'oeuvres were on the table, and the guests had arrived. The only question would be this: Who would ruin Jose Reyes' welcome home party by sitting on the cake?

I thought it would be Oliver Perez.

But even though he gave up four runs and walked four in five and 2/3 innings, there was just enough (and I mean juuuuuust enough) to like from Cousin Oliver today, which means either he had some legitimate good moments or my standards have gotten way too low. In either case, it was enough to convince me not to call for Perez to be traded to Saskatchewan for a rogue moose until his next start.

No, the party pooper was Tyler Clippard, who has given me no reason to cease my irrational hate for him by throwing three shutout innings and striking out seven (!) Mets in the process in relief. And you wondered why Citi Field has been so windy lately. You had three innings worth of breezes courtesy of Clippard, who is clearly an alien sent by a far away galaxy to gain secrets on the Mets and piss me off in the process. We'll know this is true when Clippard will have trouble striking out seven batters the rest of the season against the rest of the league.

Then there's Willie Harris, who once again made a game ending web gem ... this time off a Rod Barajas line drive with two outs and the bases loaded that was so unexpected even Gary Cohen had Chip Caray'd the call to a base hit before it landed in Harris' glove. That would be the same Willie Harris who was only in the game because Ryan Zimmerman got hurt. See how when other teams have injuries they have players who step up but when the Mets had injuries they trotted out Ramon Martinez? And would now be a bad time to remind you, courtesy of Cohen and co. on Friday night, that the manager who convinced a young second baseman named Willie Harris to learn the outfield and be more versatile was Snoop Manuel back when both were with the White Sox?

Yes, it's true. Basically, Snoop's been ruining my life even before he moved to my city. What's next, Snoop? You want to teach him to play goaltender so he can hop on the Acela and suit up for the Flyers after the ballgame is done? Because that would be quite gangsta.

So while you may believe in comebacks, I believe in Willie Harris flushing my hopes and dreams down the toilet after Tyler Clippard urinates on them. Again. All while Willy Taveras and his four RBI's laugh at me ... and Rob Dibble accuses me of going to Canada for blood running.

Hey, I believe what I see.

No Fights (Or Fight) On Picture Day

You want the Mets to acknowledge their history? Then we should have had Keith Hernandez and Darryl Strawberry go at it on picture day. Not like they haven't done it before, right? It's the 20th anniversary, for heaven's sake! They could have worn big oversized boxing gloves or something, or they could have played Wii Resort or something.

Instead, we live in a kinder, gentler time where Keith is preparing for a broadcast with Ron Darling and without Gary Cohen. And the only consternation happening on picture day these days is Jose Reyes complaining about people who think he's dogging it in his rehab. You know, they don't make photo day controversies like they did twenty years ago.

They also don't make first basemen like they did 20 years ago. With Keith in the broadcast booth, it was up to Daniel Murphy to man the area. He didn't fight anybody, but he also didn't catch David Wright's questionable throw to complete a double play and end the first inning. Instead, a 1-0 deficit turned into a 4-0 hole as Cody Ross hit a three run jack to make Wright, Murphy, and Pat Misch all pay for their individual indiscretions.

And since then, the baseball was kinda flat as the Mets slept through a 6-3 loss to the Marlins, which probably caused more indigestion than the free hot dogs that the Mets gave out on Wednesday. Bobby Ojeda wondered after the game why the Mets weren't motivated to beat the Marlins who knocked them out of the playoffs the last two seasons? The answer is probably the same as the one to the question "Why weren't the Mets motivated to beat the Marlins and keep them from knocking the Mets out of the playoffs?" That answer being, "How the &%$# do I know?" Hell, if I knew that I'd be the GM of this nonsense. Yeah, some of the players have returned from those last two collapses, but a lot of the players weren't even around for '07 and '08. If the players that were around aren't going to be that motivated, how can we expect Elmer Dessens to be motivated?

Funny thing is, Dessens has been the fantastic one this series, saving a run on a botched throw home by backing up the plate, and he pitched two scoreless innings. Maybe he is the motivated one.

(Editor's note: Keith and Ron minus Gary was very good tonight. I'm kinda diggin' these new combinations they're trying out while they continue to give us reasons to hold our interest. Keith and Ron without Gary is like having peanut butter and jelly without the bread. You can eat peanut butter and jelly with your fingers, and it will still taste very good. The bread holds the two together and makes the eating experience not only tasty, but neat. But I kinda like eating with my fingers too.)

Maybe they'll try some new things in the booth going forward this season. They've tried all their existing combinations. Perhaps next they can have me team with Gary Cohen for a broadcast ... Oh, sorry. The object is to hold their interest, not drive them away. If me talking about the Mets seems like a good idea to you, then you should seek help. But also, come to Amazin Tuesday at Two Boots Tavern this coming Tuesday where I'll be part of a star studded panel which will include accomplished authors such as Jon Springer, Greg Prince, and Jeff Pearlman. They'll probably perform readings from their critically acclaimed books. I'll be holding up photoshopped images of Mike Pelfrey as a Peanuts character. Yeah, I'm bringing a lot to the table. But come anyway, because despite my appearance, this event is going to rock the house. And the pizza will be tasty.

(By the way, did you realize that going into Wednesday, which was 09-09-09, that the Mets "tragic number" of losses and Phillies wins which would total elimination was nine? Yeah, very funny, baseball gods.)

Get Up

Well this becomes an ironic picture, doesn't it?

Here's why Carlos Beltran returning for meaningless games in September makes a difference: Sure, the Mets aren't going anywhere. Sure, Beltran could get hurt again. And I could walk out of my apartment and get hit by a truck (although getting hit by a truck in a hallway would be a feat). But look at all the players who are out for the season ... Delgado, Putz, Reyes, Sheffield, Perez, Niese, Santana, Cora ... and the list goes on. With this many players not being able to see action until Spring Training 2010 (which is really an extension of Spring Training 2009, which is still going on), every player that can remove a question mark from their own psyche should be able to do so. Because if you give credence to the theory that this is a mentally fragile team, any stabilization of that is more than welcome.

And if Beltran were to get hurt before this season is done, well then it probably would have happened anyway. Better it happen now and the Mets can go into next season with that on the checklist than it happen in April of '10 and another season goes down the tubes.

So it was good to see Beltran back, if for that only. But Beltran being back also brought back a small thing that's been missing in my life. You see, I have a little vocal tick whenever a Met hits a high fly ball. It's a quick little "get up". I used to yell "get out", but multiple people took it the wrong way, so "get out" turned to "get up." And I realized when Beltran was up with the sacks full in the seventh that I can't remember the last time I yelled "get up". I never even realized that I don't even yell "get up" anymore. I mean sure, the Mets have hit a few home runs but not many ... and not in any situations that would call for a primal yell. Then Beltran hit one near the wall ...

"GET UP!!!"

Nope, didn't work. But it was nice to get a whiff of June in a dreary September. And that's why Carlos Beltran makes a difference.

***

Tuesday showed why the SNY announce team of Gary, Keith, and Ron, are the best in the business. When the ten-year-old announcer wasn't bringing out the best in them (not to mention the kid was pretty good too. He even has the sarcasm thing down: "The Mets finally get a hit". I like him already), they were talking about Keith's fondness for manicures landing him a reality show on Bravo.

And yet ... and forgive me for sounding a touch blasphemous, a part of me enjoyed the "silent sixth", where there were no announcers in the booth. For someone like me who doesn't get to go to as many games as he used to, it was nice to feel like I was there. Even the loon who screamed "Leeeeeeeeeeeeet's goooooooooooooooo Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar-liiiiiiiiiiiiiiins" amused me. A little bit of the experience of being in the ballgame never hurts. I only wish that I knew about this sooner ... I would have had a non-working escalator installed in the house so I could really feel like I was in the park.

(Editor's note: no truth to the rumor that the announcers weren't in the booth for an inning because they were all in for major surgery.)

And now tomorrow is going to be just Keith and Ron in the booth? Something tells me that the game they did alone in the spring is going to be a mere warm-up to the lunacy you'll see and hear tomorrow. Get your Tootsie Pops ready ... and watch what happens.

***

And P.S., sometime after the game I make my weekly appearance on SportsTalkNY Live to talk Mets (the entire show is between 9:00-11:00) ... but this isn't going to be just any appearance. No, this will be an appearance where I will make a special announcement (pig latin for "plugging a personal appearance"), so be sure not to miss it.

A No-Brainer In More Ways Than One

It's probably only true in my head. But hearing Gary Cohen discuss the David Wright beaning at the top of Sunday's telecast made me think that he took on the role of patriarchal figure ... one who regretted being away from legions of Mets followers only for a day, but for a day that was event filled for all the wrong reasons. There was Cohen calming us, reassuring us, that our old friends were returning to put what we saw on Saturday in proper perspective. Saturday's FOX team, Thom Brennaman and Mark Grace, were a much welcome pair in contrast to many of the other alternate announcing teams we've been treated to during nationally televised affairs. But the Wright beaning needed perspective from the familiar. Sunday was better late than never.

Gary and Keith Hernandez were needed, if for no other reason, to wade through the latest nonsense out of Snoop Manuel's mouth. This time, it's about how tough people don't get concussions.

"David would know well enough whether he can move forward," Manuel said. "He's a bright young man and he understands a lot of different things, what's going on, and I think he has enough wisdom to put it in its right place"

"I would think him being who he is... because of what he means, I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt. And that’s just coming from the manager. I got hit in the head, and I’m still a little off here or there. I don’t have anything to do with how the medical people proceed. But for me as a manager, for what he has done for me, I want to give him every benefit of the doubt. What that is, I don’t know."

Because as you know, players who mean more to a team have a thin coating of alloy covering their brain designed to protect them from beanballs, home plate collisions, and walk-off dogpiles. It's in the journal of medicine.

Paging Eric Lindros ... Eric Lindros, please find a white courtesy phone.

Thankfully, Omar Minaya listened to Lindros, the Hospital for Special Surgery, and the tooth fairy. Because Minaya has just announced that the team has put Wright on the 15-day DL with the concussion. At no time did Minaya hint that Cain hit Wright because he had lobbied the team for a player development position.

So not only did the Mets prevail via the Daniel Murphy walk-off, but common sense has also prevailed. (What's more shocking, the Mets using common sense, or Luis Castillo reaching the second deck with a home run?)

The bad news is that Wright can come off the DL on September 1st where he'll have to meet the club in Denver ... of all places. The good news is that 15 days will give Wright enough time to take a train there.

Skeptic Tank

Experts say that you should be careful about what you see in players in April and in September. With the Mets season pretty much over, this is going to be the longest September in a long time. So it's okay to be skeptical about Cory Sullivan.

Two triples on Wednesday and some good looking defensive plays lately is like an oasis for this team, this time. But can you really believe what you see? After all, if you look at the new fangled way people are looking at defense these days, Cory Sullivan has UZR ratings that are negative ... as in less than zero. Last season alone, his UZR/150 rating was -58.5, and -111.9 in center field alone. Now I can't explain how one comes up with a UZR rating, but a numbers that low would basically make someone less useful in the field than Timmy Lupus. How do you get up in the morning at -111.9?

Those ratings are better this season, but still negative. I'm guessing this means that all these diving, running, sliding catches he's making ... Carlos Beltran would be camped under those balls for a couple of seconds.

But Sullivan is indeed making these catches, which is more than you could say for, say, Angel Pagan on Doug Davis' single (sidebar question for Snoop: How do you bench Pagan for making a dopey decision, but not Luis Castillo for making a lazy throw?) And besides, another way to evaluate a player is how they perform when the team they play on has been playing meaningless games since early June. Sullivan is a bright spot. To Snoop's discredit, there aren't many of those.

Now, let's hope that Sullivan doesn't go into next April undervalued ... or overvalued.

***

My bad:

"I don't know how David Wright has made it through the season healthy" -Metstradamus, multiple times over the past week.

I knew saying that was a bad idea every time the words came out of my mouth.

***

But hey, there are reasons to cheer up. First off, the Mets are wearing throwback uniforms this weekend that don't involve the Dodgers! Of course, they don't really throw back to anything the Mets have ever worn, but the fact that they're honoring the Giants and not the Dodgers is a small step in the right direction.

And hey, you might be able to see this weekend's games on the cheap, thanks to the Mets! Yeah, they're slashing ticket prices! The New York Mets: the Crazy Eddie of Major League Baseball. Awesome.

***

More cheer: You know it's rare that interesting things happen to two members of the Metstradamus Hall of Hate that end up on You Tube, but for those who haven't seen them, here's part one of the snicker parade, courtesy of NY Baseball Digest and Baseball Think Factory:



I'll never listen to his opening theme song the same way again ... "He'll get you the sports any way that he can." HA! He's getting a lot of flack for this on the web, but his pompousness has brought it on himself.

Shane Victorino, on the other hand, didn't bring this on himself. At least I don't think so:



Now, that's a very bad thing to do ... spill beer on a player. We don't condone that here on this website, even if Victorino is in the Hall of Hate by a landslide vote, and even if he is the devil. You still shouldn't spill beer on him.

(I did chuckle when it happened. I know, I'm going to hell ... oh what am I saying. Have you seen the standings? And have you seen that Pedro Martinez pitched five effective innings for the Phillies? I'm IN hell!!!)

My favorite part is the Phillies fan throwing peanuts at the Cubs fan after the beer was thrown. And the whole row got thrown out to boot.

Now remember for all you kids out there, this is not acceptable behavior. And if you enjoyed the previous video, you need penance. Donate to your favorite charity. Or, donate to Gary, Keith, and Ron's favorite charities by buying t-shirts and stuff. And if you use the code "blogger" before August 15th, then you can take 15% off of everything ... including tickets for the final game of the season where you can attend the end of season Gary, Keith and Ron event.

Remember, use the code "blogger" for discounts. If you use the code "Metstradamus", a video of Keith laughing at you will pop up on the screen. So just type "blogger".

Utilitarian

There's something that's been brewing a little bit in my brain lately (no, not beer). It took Monday's 7-4 loss to illustrate my point for me.

Sure, one could call Monday night's effort unacceptable (and I believe one did), but I think there is something else at play here.

As told by either Gary Cohen and Ron Darling, Snoop Manuel was asked about Anderson Hernandez and Snoop said that he wants to see what Hernandez can do at other positions. This has been a line of thinking that you saw in the minor league system, where players like Daniel Murphy and Nick Evans were made to play multiple positions. It tells me all I need to know about the Mets general idea of "player development":

We're grooming an entire organization of utility players.

Doesn't that seem a little dangerous to you?

Look, utility players are wonderful. It's nice to have a Bert Campaneris circa 1965 on your roster, or a Kevin Mitchell circa 1986. But to have a whole minor league system of utility players ... players worrying about learning three or four positions? No wonder they're all messed up in the head and need mental vacations. Heck, even David Wright needs a mental break and he's just playing third. No wonder it doesn't occur to Fernando Tatis that Trent Oeltjen might be taking second base on a hit to left. No wonder Murphy was on his way to the Bahamas on a bouncer over the pitcher's head so that Hernandez can throw the ball to an imaginary first baseman on a double play attempt.

There's a reason that the saying goes: "jack of all trades, master of none" ... least of all hitting. Nobody is mastering that, probably because everyone's busy learning how to be Bert Campaneris. Nobody gets less out of less than the Mets.

But that's looking at too big a picture. Obviously this team is done ... mentally, and physically. Even Gary Cohen is counting down the games ("just 50 more games, Ron.") You know there's trouble when Cohen, who loves baseball enough to sit in the stands and watch a game on his off day, is counting down the games. Heck the whole announcing team has resorted to schtick long ago when they started sword fighting and giving Ron Darling haircuts in the booth (and can we be sure that when Gary shot a t-shirt out of that gun that he didn't hit Frankie Rodriguez in the arm?) So can we really be surprised that it's come to this?

You'd be counting down the days too if you saw Doug Davis, having just been described as a "notoriously bad hitter", smack a single to center which Angel Pagan turned into a double (how come extra bases are only taken when Angel's in the field?) I'm guessing that giving up a hit to a notoriously bad hitter isn't quite the late night feeding that Mike Pelfrey had in mind.

Pelfrey, by the way, is playing third tomorrow for Wright. Because the Mets need more versatility.

Our Crumbling House

So with J.J. Putz developing a bone spur and fixing to be out for a couple of games, and Carlos Delgado perhaps being out anywhere from this weekend to ... forever, this is going to really test Omar Minaya's ability to put together a 25-man roster.

So who's scared?

When Delgado was day-to-day, I was against putting Daniel Murphy at first base. If you're going to have Murph play there all season, then give him every opportunity to learn the position. But if we're talking months for Delgado? Then by all means put Murphy at first, Tatis in left, Church in right, and have Sheffield as your bench pop (not your cleanup hitter/regular left fielder as he seems to be now ... seems that someone is thinking it's 1999, and not 2009.)

But whatever you do the fact remains, this team is thin. Delgado is out with his bone spur in his hip (can we put him on the DL already), Putz is out with a bone spur (at least now there's a reason for his struggles) and even Reyes missed Thursday's game with a bone spur he developed in his brain on Wednesday. The Mets call it a "tight calf", but come on, that could be another created injury which is code for "we're benching you because of a foggy brain but we're not going to embarrass you" (with the discovery of new injuries left and right, I think we're talking Nobel Prize in inventive medicine for the training staff.)

Thankfully, the Mets were able to survive Bobby Parnell's shaky foray into the eighth inning (albeit while being dinked and dunked), and Sheffield was able to survive stealing third base (seriously, he's old ... every stolen base could be his last act in baseball) with three runs in the ninth and a 7-4 win against the Giants. I don't know what lucky shamrock Carlos Beltran is carrying, but once again he stole third in more ways than one setting up the go ahead run in the ninth (Larry Jones is currently petitioning the league office for more competent baseball gods), driven in by David Wright who, apparently, just needed to get away from New York for a while as he not only drove in the winner but stole four bases.

Good catches by both announcers tonight. Gary Cohen, for noting that the Mets set a team record for most steals in a game without Reyes. And by Keith Hernandez who, while discussing a mutual sponsor of the Mets and Giants noted: "Speaking of sponsors, Fran Healy was the catcher in that old Willie Mays highlight."

Thank you Keith, for reminding us how much Fran Healy loved sponsors, and how amazing it is that I didn't throw paperweights through the television set while Healy was pitching Cheez Doodles and Optimo Cigars for all those years.

Hey, where's Oliver?

Seems that rehab took a sad turn as Oliver Perez was eliminated from American Idol on Thursday night.

It's A Major Award

Yes, I won a major award. But more on that later.

First off, it's time to bring some good feeling back to this blog. Too much negativity. Probably my fault. All right, I'll make it up to you:

With the holidays coming up, the most positive thing that you can do is to give to your favorite charity ... or perhaps, give to the favorite charity of your favorite announcers. So go get a t-shirt from Gary, Keith and Ron's website. And how about this: Enter the super secret code before November 28th, and get 10% off. Sounds good? Don't say I don't do anything for you.

Well actually, I still haven't done anything for you ... especially since I never gave you the secret code.

(Psst: BLOGGER ... pass it on.)

***

Oh, here's Part II of the Gabrielle Schoeneweis interview. Part III coming soon.

***

Oh, about that major award, I was recently presented with this:

It means I write well, I guess. But all appreciation to the presenter of this award to me. It was unexpected, and I'm not sure I deserve it. But it's appreciated much the same. Thanks!

The good news is that I get to pass it on to five more deserving blogs. The bad news is that I could only choose five. So don't scream at me for not choosing you or this newfound blog positivity is going to end quick. If I could give out awards to everyone, I would. Because I love you all ... seriously.

Here goes:

1. Faith and Fear in Flushing: Because they constantly come up with things that I wish I came up with.
2. Toasted Joe: Because he won't rest until Aaron Heilman is pitching for a club team in Siberia.
3. Mets Walkoffs: Because the minutiae never stops.
4. A tie: Nice Level Swing, My Summer Family, Archie Bunker's Army, and Brooklyn Met Fan: Because I'm incapable of making a decision. Deal with it.
5. Jer's Steak House: Because I need to show a little versatility in my life. That and this guy is just plain smarter than me by like three miles. Probably smarter than you too. Just accept it.

You've been officially awarded. Now pass the love along to five of your favorites (or eight or nine if you can't make a decision like me). And oh yeah ... link to me, and link to the Scholastic Scribble guys. Those are the rules. If you don't follow the rules, the mogwai becomes a gremlin ... or something like that.

And buy a t-shirt.

S.O.B. (Save Our Bullpen)

I'm hearing through the grapevine that after today's loss to the Braves featuring yet another bullpen meltdown, that Jeff Wilpon is currently drafting a letter to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson to ask him for one of those government bailouts that he's been handing out lately.

You know, during Saturday night's game, Gary Cohen speculated on the amount of Mets pitchers that could reach 80 appearances for the season. At that point, Aaron Heilman had 75, and Gary said that Heilman, with eight games left on the schedule, would probably reach 80 games.

That would mean that after today, Heilman would appear in four of the final seven games to reach the tragic number. And I'll say this: if I have to sweat through four Aaron Heilman flavored games in the next week, I'm flying to Chicago ... I'm going sightseeing at the top of the Sears Tower ... I'm going to take some wonderful pictures from atop the Tower ... And then I'm hurling myself off of it. It's about the same kind of experience that I get watching a Mets game anyway these days.

Now ... explain to me one more time why Al Reyes was released? I mean, does Reyes really have less control and velocity than a rotting corpse?

Sprinkles On That Snow Cone? (Alternate Title: The One Where Kyle Lohse Finally Turns Into A Pumpkin)

Little did anybody know there was greatness afoot while Gary Cohen was busy comparing Argenis Reyes to Baba Looey (which apparently makes Jose Reyes Quick Draw McGraw). But during that discussion a sure home run was taken away from Ryan Ludwick by Carlos Beltran, jumping over the wall on the dead run to make a snow cone catch for the ages.

It was only the final El Kabong on a day full of them, as David Wright, Fernando Tatis, and Fluff Castro El Kabonged Kyle Lohse and his 12-2 record to smithereens with certified bombs. I mean, it would have been a little embarrassing to have Kyle Lohse, the guy who nobody signed until March, outduel Johan Santana, the guy who the Mets traded the farm for (in which there was nothing left to use to bring home Xavier Nady, bring back Casey Blake, or seemingly nothing in which to acquire the likes of Victor Diaz, Pete Incaviglia, or even Butch Huskey).

But Santana's newfound run support wouldn't let that happen today ... and neither would Santana, who was brilliant in going nine innings just like we said he had to do as we were leaving last night's debacle. Brilliant at the plate as well with two hits and a ribbie, even while losing his majestic fly ball in the lights and having to settle for a 337 foot single which would have been an out off the wall had Albert Pujols been covering first base (somehow, Jose Reyes will be blamed for this ... he's blamed for everything.)

"He was very adamant about going back out ... He wanted a complete game, and it was good." -Snoop Manuel

Not just good, it was El Kabong good.

You know, in the NFL, a helmet to helmet hit is a suspension. Just sayin'.

Put A Jersey On

Ooh, Jose Reyes raised a finger too long. Quick, get Goose Gossage on the phone so he can weigh in with his expert Hall of Fame opinion!

Here's why I'm a soothsayer: I knew this was coming. Knew it. Of course, anytime Jose Reyes does something uniquely celebratory he gets called on the carpet for it (Chris Russo once chastised him for clapping at his mom's birthday party), so it wasn't that hard to figure out. Little did I know that when I thought someone would bring it, it had already been brought.

Here's why I'm not going to get too crazy over this latest hypocrisy of Larry Andersen wanting to put one in Jose Reyes' neck, while Shane Victorino can run around being baseball's Theo Fleury with no criticism: Larry Andersen is a homer. All these baseball announcers are homers to some degree. Even Keith Hernandez slips once in a while and says "we" when he means "they", while Gary Cohen lets his Yankee disgust subtly seep through every once in a blue moon. But trust me on this, it gets worse when you get away from New York and move towards, say, Chicago. Try sitting through a White Sox game one day. I dare you.

Of course, Larry Andersen is going to say something stupid like that, while the trio of Gary, Keith and Ron are focusing more on the play than they are focusing on Theo Victorino standing on the plate and clapping at the Mets dugout. It's just the way it is. Of course, when supposedly neutral national pundits commit the same hypocrisy, that's when my blood boils. Because they're supposed to be above that garbage when they're obviously not. The bottom line is this: The deck is stacked against you and I. The Mets will always get fingers wagged at them while players wearing other uniforms will be celebrated doing the exact same thing. So I'm choosing another battle. It's pointless to fight because nobody listens to me anyway.

And about putting one in Reyes' neck? As I've said before: Don't sing it, bring it. You want to do something, do it. The Phillies had been doing a mighty fine job of pitching inside all series (although their targets ... Damion Easley and Johan Santana ... were interesting choices), and I wish the Mets would do more of that. Unfortunately, a guy like John Maine, who had chances to make Theo dance while Brett Myers was on the other side getting in everyone's kitchen, has proven time and again that he's not that kind of pitcher ... and it's a shame. With everyone taking shots at the Mets it's time somebody throw some haymakers back with no regard for the outcome.

And no, I'm not saying that the Mets should go out and "put one in someone's neck", but there are instances where throwing inside is appropriate. Hell, even if it's not appropriate, why the hell are the Mets worried about winning hearts and minds around the country? It's not happening. We're the bad guys. That's never going to change. Maybe it's time to start acting more the part.

And if Larry Andersen, a guy who hit 17 batters in 17 years in the majors, wants someone to put one in Reyes' neck, then maybe he, or whichever other Phillies announcer wants to be brave, should take Warren Sapp's advice, put a jersey on, and do it himself. I'm sure if Andersen ever had a fastball that could break a pane of glass or cut through a wind gust without being blown away like a kite, he'd try.

Maine Beats Cain, Gain But No Pain

It really was a nice try by Aaron Rowand, as he was intent on breaking his face again just to prove a point against the Mets like he did in '06.

But instead of making Aaron Rowand a folk hero again, Thursday's drive to center by a Met (this time Carlos Beltran) tipped harmlessly off of Rowand's glove while Rowand harmlessly bounced off the padded outfield wall, and the fun began for the Mets.

One Jose Reyes dinger and six strong innings by John Maine later, the Mets were finished doing what they were supposed to do and took two out of three from the Giants. (And Rowand left the game with his face intact.)

And now it's on to San Diego, where the quadrant of Josh Banks, Randy Wolf, Cha Seung Baek, and Wil Ledezma awaits for the Padres ... yet they don't seem to strike fear in the heart of Gary Cohen, who basically said that the Mets should cut through this staff like a hot knife through a cheap butter substitute. Well, he didn't say it in so many words ... but those four didn't really seem to strike fear in Gary while he was looking ahead during the broadcast yesterday. But these are exactly the kinds of pitchers who the Mets have been making look like Warren Spahn, Sandy Koufax, Steve Carlton, and Hong-Chih Kuo. So let's tread carefully ... but swing hard.

And don't forget about baseball's draft tomorrow, where the Mets have three picks in the first 33 ... in addition to Memphis Red Sox pitcher Robert Scott, their choice in the special ceremonial Negro League draft to take place beforehand. No word on whether the Mets adhered to baseball's slotting system to make that choice.

It Just Makes Sense

The Washington Nationals came into Monday's game against the Mets third from the bottom in the N.L. in batting average, second from the bottom in batting average, and at the very bottom in hits.

So of course they come in to Shea Stadium and drop ten hits and ten runs. Sure. Makes perfect sense.

Also makes sense that the hit that broke the game open belonged to the ghost of Lastings Milledge, a two run double off the top of the left field wall which turned a 6-3 lead into an 8-3 blowout (After which he high-fived the coaches, the fans, the ushers, the security guards, Gary Cohen, the parking attendants, the hard hats at Citi Field, the drivers stuck in traffic on the Grand Central, and the bellhops at the LaGuardia Airport Marriott. And then Bob Raissman wrote a 3,500 word essay on how Lastings Milledge hates babies and makes small animals cower in fear.)

You know what else makes sense? Odalis Perez. Lost his last eight starts? Hasn't had an RBI since 2004? No problem. Come to Shea and not only get the win (while giving up 11 hits in six and a third innings ... eleven hits), but get three knocks and two RBI's. Outstanding.

Odalis Boggs.

And you know what else makes sense: a Met complaining about another team's ... celebrating! Oh the sweet, delicious irony.

"They were cheerleading in the dugout like a bunch of softball girls," Figueroa said, ignoring gender equity to get his point across. "I take offense to that. ... That's why they are who they are."

But it didn't come back to haunt the Washington Nationals tonight ... did it, Goose? Is that what true Nationals do?

Of course, you know that Nelson Figueroa's comments will fire up the Nationals to win the next three games of this series. And then the bastions of our society ... known as talk radio hosts ... will all say that Figueroa shouldn't have said anything to fire the Nationals up, just like his team's dancing fires teams up, his team's celebrations fire teams up, and basically all forms of eating, walking, and breathing fires teams up. It's all your fault, you evil Mets! Why can't you be more like Joba Chamberlain?!?

Makes perfect sense to me.

More Than You Will Know

Here's to you, Philip Humber.

A borough turns it's lonely eyes to you.

Whoo, whoo, whoo.

Phil, surely you have been given the tools to make your first start in the major leagues a success as you had the advantage of being in the dugout while Pedro Martinez was holding court for the better part of two innings. It was interrupted, of course, by the crowd's outburst at seeing the final score from Philadelphia flash on the screen. It really was amusing seeing your group, which included yourself, John Maine, and Mike Pelfrey sponge as much knowledge as they can from Petey. But it is you who gets to use that knowledge first.

You sure as hell need it to stop this latest horrific slide which, while only two games long, has seen the lowest scoring team in the National League score 23 runs in two games, which was one too many to accommodate our grand but short comeback in the ninth. And guess who gets to face Embezzlement Row next? That's right, you.

Just pretend it's Stanford or Hawaii, and you'll be fine.

***

Was it me, or was Tuesday night the first time that Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez approached ripping Willie Randolph?

No, I don't think it was a conscious effort by them to do so, but Willie made some curious moves in the seventh which saw the Nationals score two important tack on runs. First, he had Scott Schoeneweis warm up with two or three right handers coming up, but not a righty along with him while Carlos Muniz was pitching his second inning in relief and walking the park home.

"The have two mounds out there, right?"

Never has so much been said by saying so little.

Again, I'm not implying that the announcers are going after the manager here, but that, combined with Willie not bringing in Schoeneweis to face Brian Schneider after warming him up for practically the whole inning only to see Schneider whack a two run single off of Jorge Sosa, brought about the Gary and Keith underlining the fact that Willie's decisions that inning were a bit bizarre. And for the announcers to highlight it like that is a little bit out of character for them. I wonder if the growing discontent among fans and bloggers, along with the increased buzz by the mainstream media has made the SNY guys just a little bit more aware of Randolph's moves and methods, and more inclined to discuss them?

And if that is the case, then it's a first class lesson in why bloggers not named Metstradamus are important...and influential. (Bloggers who are named Metstradamus are just plain annoying.)

***

What was once this:

Is now a concept so foreign I can't even find a picture for it. Mets...rooting for Braves. Mets fans doing the chop...and not in derision.

It's a phenomenon sweeping the country as the Braves play spoiler. This was from Wrigley:

Black is up. East is white. And I'm not sure I can handle it.

The Samson Green Curse

Jose Reyes valued his head of hair so much that he was the last holdout to shave his head. But it's Shawn Green who's the one who's proving to be the Samson of the team.

Since Green shaved his head as part of what the NFL would call "OTA's" (organized team activities), Green has not only seen his average drop from .356 to .314, and let a ball drop in front of him which basically prevented a sweep of the Yankees (despite being more aerodynamic), but now he has a broken bone in his foot and is out indefinitely (the word "indefinitely" never sounds good...it always translates to me as "until the end of time).

Just as fielders used to leave their mitts on the field for the opponents in the late 1800's, Green must have left his curse on the field for tonight's starting right fielder...as Carlos Gomez's hamstring felt the power of the curse as he strained his hamstring in the second inning. Keep in mind that Gomez also shaved his head.

Endy Chavez then moved from left field to right field, prompting fears that the curse would claim poor innocent Endy. Aah, but Endy's head was already freshly shaved before the season started (and before the OTA), so he had three hits and a diving catch in right field on Saturday night. So Endy, despite the wolf being at the doorstep, avoids the Samson curse for another evening.

Another previously shaved head came back to life tonight, as Carlos Delgado's two home runs and five RBI's gave the Mets a 7-2 victory. Combine that with what's happening in Atlanta, as the Braves have dropped two straight to the Phillies, Bobby Cox has been ejected for the 4,841st time, and the Mets have quickly gained two games in the division. Combine all that with the return of John Maine to the win column. He still walked four guys...and he still got himself into trouble at spots...but unlike his last start against the Yanks, he got out of trouble which has been his trademark throughout the season.

The departures of Gomez and Green pretty much means that the Mets outfield is going to consist of Chavez, Carlos Beltran, and...and...

and...

David Newhan?

Ben Johnson?

It's gonna seem like a long wait until Moises Alou returns, which should be this week. After that, hope Alou gets healthy. Because indefinitely is a long time.

***

You might have seen the portion of Saturday night's game where Keith Hernandez was banging poor Gary Cohen's head with those thundersticks. But Friday's game scared me a bit. He was eyeballing the girls in the pool just above the right field bullpen saying "hey, if they had pools by the pool while I was playing, I would have wanted to be a reliever instead of an everyday player." And then the camera got a shot of all those girls by the pool that he was all jealous of...

and they're all like, twelve!

Either Keith is going insane, or his production crew is making him out to a pedophile. Either way, I'll never hear those words "I'm Keith Hernandez" quite the same way again.

Benefitting From The Wildness Of Others

The ball wasn't even in the glove when Gary Cohen bellowed "ball four" to signal the completion of the comeback against the Chicago Cubs...as if there was any other way that game could end after Michael Wuertz couldn't find the plate against Endy Chavez and Carlos Beltran (don't let the "intentional walk" on the stat sheet fool you, that Beltran walk was three balls and a white flag).

Carlos Delgado, who I'm sure was tempted to either ground a ball to the left side or lay down a bunt to send a message regarding the "Delgado shift", instead did the sensible thing and worked out a walk (off win) against Wuertz to put the seal-a-meal on a 5-4 victory, and their return to first place (thank you, Jason Bergmann).

Tom Glavine wasn't sharp in seeking victory number 295, giving up a single to Jason Marquis drove home that point along with two runs. But the Mets bullpen outperformed the Cubs bullpen, as not only did Wuertz give it away in the ninth, but they roughed up a guy who's ice cream I bought over the weekend.

Rocky Cherry?

There's a name that's about as ill-advised as the plot line that had Florence date Bentley in the later seasons of The Jeffersons.

Yeah, that show was put to rest a little late. Here's what else is put to rest: talk of David Wright's slump. Wright is hitting .429 since May 7th, which just happens to be the day that Wright shaved his head and had the rest of the team shave theirs!!! So when you're looking for the turning point in the young man's season...

(Well, not really. Wright actually shaved his head on May 8th...but this is what's known as poetic license, which is what major networks like FOX will take when trying to come up with storylines for the turning point of David Wright's slump come October...because come on, you don't really expect the network to mention the Mets and their shaved heads before Saturday's telecast of Mets/Yankees? They're working on their six minute Matt DeSalvo piece as we speak!)

Speaking of Ancient History...

Friday night's Braves/Mets tilt was the most anticipated game between 3-0 teams in the National League since...well, since the last time 3-0 or better teams played each other in the N.L. which, believe it or not, was the April 24th, 1894 game between the Boston Beaneaters and the Baltimore Orioles.

The Orioles faced many of the same question marks as the Mets in terms of starting pitching, going into the '94 season with a staff who's rotation only had one pitcher over .500 in '93 (Sadie McMahon). But they started the '94 season much like the Mets have this season, winning their three games by scores of 8-3, 12-6, and 4-3. But still nobody believed in them. Consider what a Boston Globe columnist wrote about the Baltimore Orioles pitching staff back in March of 1894:

"Why bully, these Orioles have no pitching. Tony Mullane? He's old. The rest of these chums are too young. Baseball is all about the future...and my sources tell me there will be a team soon called the New York Highlanders which will be playing a better brand of baseball than these National League bums. Bully!" -Sebastian Verducci, Esq.

The Beaneaters had just gotten done with a sweep of their own over the Brooklyn Grooms...who's shortstop, Tommy Corcoran, had said during one of his January medicine ball workouts that the Grooms were the best team on paper in the National League. So this was going to be a great matchup between the Orioles and Beaneaters.

Except that the Orioles made the much anticipated game an annihilation, a 15-3 victory on April 24th over the Beaneaters that started their dominance of the National League in 1894, finishing with a league best 89-39 record behind 25 wins from Sadie McMahon, and a mid-season trade which brought none other than Kid Gleason to the Orioles. His 15-5 record gave the Orioles the National League pennant. (But you probably know him best by the character played by John Mahoney in Eight Men Out.)

One hundred and thirteen years later, here were the Boston Beaneaters again in the next meeting of 3-0 National League teams...except this time, they're the Atlanta Braves. The Baltimore Orioles? You guessed it, they were defunct by the turn of the century. But in their place is a team who once beat a team called the Orioles in a World Series...and just like the 1894 Orioles, their starting pitching was much maligned.

"The tone in the Mets' camp has been similarly unsettled, largely because of a starting rotation that has nothing but question marks behind Tom Glavine. Orlando Hernandez went to camp assured of a job but has been horrible. The other spots seem likely to go to John Maine, Oliver Perez and either Aaron Sele or rookie Mike Pelfrey, who has been the one bright spot." -Phil Rogers, Chicago Tribune

Bully.

Like the defunct Orioles, the Mets made minced meat out of the Beaneaters, this time by a score of 11-1. Jose Reyes had two triples and four RBI's, and Oliver Perez, of the much maligned starting rotation, pitched seven strong innings with six K's and zero walks. The only thing defunct regarding the Mets in six years will be Shea Stadium. Is a pennant in their future as it was for the Orioles? Who knows. But watch those Brooklyn Grooms. I hear they're the best team on paper.

(A special thank you to Gary Cohen, for providing that interesting nugget about the last time 3-0 National League teams played each other...thus providing me with tonight's material. It's your world Gary, we're just squirrels trying to find a nut...and decipher what Keith is talking about.)

Divine Plan?

Are you there, God? It's me, Metstradamus.

Twenty years ago tonight, the Mets won their last World Series championship thanks in part to Mets icon Mookie Wilson and his ground ball though the legs of Bill Buckner.

Twenty years to the day later, I commemorate that moment by posting a picture of Mookie Wilson in a damn St. Louis Cardinals wool hat during Game 4 of the 2006 World Series.

Why?

Why am I being punished? What did I ever do to you? Did you really need to pour salt in my gaping wound? I understand that you have a divine plan, but no divine plan should ever include Mookie Wilson wearing a blood red wool Cardinal hat twenty years to the day that Jesse Orosco threw his mitt to you as a sacrifice to your so-called "divine plan".

And was Tsuyoshi Shinjo in your divine plan too? You remember him, don't you? After all, five years ago, you helped hasten the Mets' descent to the core of the baseball universe by presenting them with Tsuyoshi Shinjo.

Five years later...

...Shinjo ends his career with a Japanese league championship as a member of the Nippon Ham Fighters.

So let's review God: Tsuyoshi Shinjo fights ham, is a cult hero, and he retires on the very top of his game. Meanwhile on this side of the Pacific Ocean, Carlos Delgado attends the World Series as a spectator recovering from carpal tunnel surgery (probably from visiting this blog too often), Mookie Wilson is wearing a Cardinals hat, Satoru Komiyama still stinks, and I'm at home trying to calculate how many blows to the head with a whiffle bat would render me unconscious.

And did I mention the dreams I have been having? You know, the one where I'm playing poker with Mike Scioscia, So Taguchi, Terry Pendleton and Luis Sojo...and I go all in with pocket jacks but everyone else has pocket aces and the flop comes and it's three more aces? Surely you must be trying to tell me that everyone else in baseball has aces while all of ours are either hurt or old. Oh God, you and your symbolism.

Oh, and did I also mention that after I lose all of my money in the dream, Glenn Close comes out of the kitchen wearing her 1993 model Mets uniform and serves everybody boiled rabbit while Mike Piazza and Guillermo Mota are baking a bundt cake.

Yes God, that's a mighty weird dream. But it's no more weird than Mookie Wilson wearing a Cardinals hat!!!

By any chance, does your divine plan include ripping my still beating heart from my chest, rolling it down the streets of Pamplona to be stomped on by drunken tourists and bulls? Because at this moment I would welcome it. It would be less painful. If you had a sympathetic bone in your body, you would consider that course of action and end my pain and suffering once and for all before you do something really hurtful like embroil Gary Cohen in a money laundering scandal and replace him by re-hiring Fran Healy.

Yours in misery,

Metstradamus

(No rabbits were harmed in the writing of this post.)