I ... Hate ... Everything About You

I knew it was a bad sign when Brian Bannister, who was a Met many moons ago, turned in a dazzling start for the Royals today while the Mets have been struggling to find starters who could give any sort of consistant effort. If John Maine had turned in an acceptable effort, there would have been no need to invoke Bannister's name (or image).

Instead, Maine gives up eight runs in three innings en route (or is that rout) to an 11-3 loss in Denver ... and I start to long for pitchers from a bygone era.

After the game, Maine said that he "hates everything about himself." (And you thought it was just the fans who are self-loathing.) Forget his starting spot being in jeopardy, Maine sounds like somebody that could use a lesson in how to love himself again ... in the minor leagues.

Bobby Jones did it.

Steve Trachsel did it.

Both came out of it for the better. If Maine's delivery is in fact all over the place, then he needs to go somewhere and figure it out. A little scary since he recently came off a period of time that was invented for "figuring it out" (you know this as "spring training"). But in this, the most important April road trip in the history of April road trips, the Mets can't afford to let him figure it out against the Rockies, Albert Pujols, Howard and Utley, or the '79 Pirates.

Maine is going so bad that not only did Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez take calls from fans during the game who are wondering if the team needs to see a sports psychologist, but Keith is telling the masses "not to think too much", while using words like "primordial" which causes the fans to think too much about what that word actually means. When you come up with a performance which causes Keith to contradict himself in the same sentence, then it's time for some minor league rehab of the mental variety.

(And maybe Luis Castillo could use some mental health time too after going nuclear in the dugout after being nailed trying to stretch a single to a double in the sixth ... I mean, seriously now. Talk all you want about the fans losing their minds in the second week of the season but for Greg Smith's sake you have John Maine who hates himself, and Castillo who is throwing tantrums and it's April 13th! Who, exactly, are the crazy ones here?)

Stimulated

I know that most Met fans aren't allowing themselves to get ahead of themselves ... asking themselves such questions as:

• Will the Mets go to three starters or four in the playoff rotation?
• Will Aaron Heilman be on the post-season roster or not?
• Will Andy Phillips get a full World Series share?

But with last night's victory (and admit it: you loved that 10-8 score even though Oliver Perez was hit around and Jerry Manuel broke the new Met rule of "never pitch Nelson Figueroa against a bunch of softball girls") it's all right to feel good. No, I'm not going to feel better until the Mets are seven games in first place with sixteen games to play, but to see Carlos Delgado not only hit home runs but knock down satellites in the process is key ... not only because he's been the key to this lineup ever since he's gotten to New York, not only because the whispers of "MVP" have turned into full blown chants, and not only because I bought his jersey back in April when he stunk and he made me look like a genius.

But because Carlos Delgado is the guy who said this last season:

"I think at times we can get a little careless. We've got so much talent I think sometimes we get bored."

For as much undue flak Delgado received for that, it really is nice that he's the guy now carrying this team. Because who knows if he was talking primarily about the team or about himself ... but the one thing you can say now that Delgado has morphed into Ted Williams is that there's no way he's bored. If he was bored, would he have 11 home runs against lefties this season (as opposed to four last season?) Manny Acta thought he would be cute last night and bring in lefty Charlie Manning in against Uno Cinco to turn him around and then have Manning in to face Delgado ... they both homered (Charlie's no Peyton, obviously.) You can't get cute with the Carloses anymore.

So feel good ... it's okay to dream about post-season shares. Because you know, Ambiorix Burgos will probably need that share for legal fees. Idiot.

(Editor's note: At least Brian Bannister's ERA is rather high.)