How'd All These Eggs Get In This One Basket?

So even if the Mets do wind up with Jason Bay, their off season might already pale in comparison to that of the Red Sox, who just signed John Lackey ... and that of the Mariners and Phillies, who just completed a three team blockbuster where the Phillies get Doc Halladay and the Mariners get Cliff Lee.

But the Mets don't have Jason Bay yet. So ask yourself the following:

• Even if the Mets get Bay, does it matter? Does the Phillies getting Halladay put the division out of reach anyway? Because you know the Mets would have to do a lot more roster construction than Bay to come within sniffing distance of Philadelphia.
• If the Mets don't get Bay, how embarrassing would it be to see the Mariners land two top players (assuming it's the M's that get Bay) and the Mets get none?
• If the Mets don't get Bay, should they just turn tail, call 2010 a wash, and keep the draft picks they would have spent on marginal Type A free agents? (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Bengie ... I don't care if you weren't offered arbitration and wouldn't cost a pick as an astute fan pointed out ... thanks Metsfan23 ... but you're still marginal. And old. Stop staring at me.)

Ask yourself those hard questions ... and try not to spiral into a disastrous funk as you're eating nothing but rocky road ice cream for seven days. I leave you with this:

"You thank the fans by trying to make the team better" -Randy Wolf during today's Brewers news conference

Remember Omar, there's more than one way to do that ... even if it costs you your job. And face it, your job is pretty much out the window anyway.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check if there's any ice cream in the freezer.

I Was Afraid Of This

So the Mets basically told Derek Lowe that if he thinks he could get a better offer somewhere else he should go for it.

He went for it, and apparently he's going to get it.

So I ask you this: What's the consolation if Lowe does indeed sign with Atlanta and the Mets don't budge from their initial offer? And I'm not talking about who the Mets sign in his place. I'm talking more along the lines of whether the fact that the Mets were

• stingy,
• frugal, or ...
• responsible

whatever you want to call it with their money will help you sleep at night when Lowe is doing the tomahawk chop. Will you still think that the Mets played the market right and will you be content in the fact that the Wilpons didn't throw extra money around in this economy?

(Editor's note: I italicize "in this economy" because I'm about near the point of puking my guts up after the thousandth time hearing that phrase.)

This is why I was worried when the Braves struck out on A.J. Burnett (and Rafael Furcal). They were going to have money to spend on someone. And now their spending spree might cost the Mets Derek Lowe. So for that, I guess you can partly blame the Yankees for signing Burnett. (Now now Metstradamus, you learned about argument fallacies in college and now you're leaning on one yourself. For shame, wayward blogger.)

But this was a case where the Mets should have taken a page from the Yankees book. The Yankees blew everyone out of the water for CC Sabathia right from the beginning, and that's when everyone started grumbling about New York and how their irresponsible. And I'm not saying the Mets should have offered Lowe $60 million more than he was worth. But when Boras and Lowe said they were going to go elsewhere, an extra six or seven million over the length of the deal at that point might make a team like the Braves think twice about even making an offer, instead forcing them to grumble about the economics of baseball and about how New York is evil. But now they're firmly in the mix with the money originally earmarked for Burnett, and the Mets have to play catch up and pay more than they would have if they had just thrown in a little extra from the start.

Instead, they're sitting out in the cold in front of the building like Ralph Kramden was when he and Alice were kicked out of the apartment for not signing the rent increase, and all Ralph could say is "I've said it before ... and I'll say it again ... that man is bluffing." And maybe Boras still is bluffing. This could be the reverse New York theory. Instead of bringing in the New York team to goose up the price, he's using a New York rival to goose up the price for the New York team. Boras probably knows teams' needs as well as their insecurities as well as anyone. He's playing it like a fiddle and he knows it. I'm just saying that a little good faith ... not much ... could have avoided all this. Because you may think you're bidding against yourself, but with Scott Boras that's never really the case.

Now there are some who think that getting Oliver Perez back would be the better option anyway ... upside and age being the major factors. Besides, better the devil you know, right? More than fair. But if Perez becomes the play, I'm sure there will be fans who feel that the Mets didn't really move forward with the rotation. After all, Perez is kinda "been there, done that, bought the t-shirt". And if the Mets aren't going to get the discount on Derek Lowe because he prefers to play in the northeast part of the country, the Mets sure as heck aren't getting a discount on Ollie if he's the only option out there for a top flight pitcher. So then the choice becomes overpay for Ollie, or sign Randy Wolf and pray that he's the next Kyle Lohse.

(At which point whatever God you pray to laughs hysterically and points Pedro Martinez towards the Florida Marlins.)

Reaper

Our story begins with a knock at the door:

Shea Stadium Usher: May I help you?

Reaper: Hi, I'm here for your season.

SSU: Excuse me?

RP: You heard me, cough it up!

SSU: But the season's not over. There are games tomorrow and Sunday, and the Mets are still alive.

RP: Alive? You call what happened Friday being alive?


SSU: Well, mathematically we're still alive and I'm not authorized to hand over the season anyway.

RP: (Sigh) Lemme speak to your boss.

(Usher frantically seeks out an authority figure)

Jeff Wilpon: May I help you.

RP: Yes, I'm here for your season and you have a difficult employee.

JW: Yes, I know ... I have many difficult employees these days. But look, you know I can't just hand over the season to you.

RP: Yes well you know what happened last season. I came for the season on Saturday afternoon. You had to go and try to take it back from me when it was rightfully mine. I drove all the way back to my cottage in North Tonawanda, and then your season flatlined so I had to drive all the way back. I'm not driving all the way back tonight and I'm not leaving without your season.

JW: Is there something I can give you in the meantime? Matt Wise's career?

RP: I got that last May.

JW: Aaron Heilman's soul?

RP: Don't you remember? My assistant came for that back in '06.

JW: All right, listen ... you can stay here. I have a luxury box already set up next door at Citi Field, and I'll get you a ticket to tomorrow's game. But I need you to take a more pleasing form ... I can't have you in the stands looking the way you do.

RP: How about this?


JW: Who are you supposed to be?

RP: Missy Peregrym. I'm in some television show called, oddly enough, "Reaper". Your fans will just be so happy to see a good looking celebrity they'll never get the connection.

JW: Fine.

RP: Oh, and when I take your season, I'll just take the Stadium too. I got the pick-up truck so I don't need to take two trips.

JW: Fine, just get it out of here. I never liked this place. Isn't it going to take you a while to knock it down and get it into the truck?

RP: Nah, when your fans turn into an angry mob on Sunday they'll help destroy it and make my life easier. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

JW: Yeah, whatever. Just don't laugh like that while you're here ... you'll scare the children.

RP: Fine. I'll be by the door with my wolf.

JW: Randy Wolf? Ooh, can he pitch?

RP: (Sigh)

The Four Horsemen Of The 2008 Mets' Apocalypse

Perhaps Willie Randolph is hoping that if this disaster of a series against the Padres turns into another four game sweep, that nobody will notice because all the games to this point ended after one o'clock in the morning.

I doubt that's possible. Because believe it or not, a four game sweep at the hands of the Padres is probably a few ticks worse than a four game sweep against the Braves. Banks, Wolf, Baek and Ledezma: The new four horsemen that are in the process of riding the Mets into the sunset ... which is creeping ever closer ... while tied up with mouths gagged and balancing on the back of the horse (which may, or may not be Da' Tara, although the horse that Baek is riding looks like it could be Big Brown). Barring a significant change in talent and ability up and down the roster, the tombstone of this team is going to read "Here lies the 2008 New York Mets ... one run on eight hits."

Some have expressed concern about the links I posted to yesterday, that I was somehow headed over the edge. I want to assure you that even though Scott Hairston pushes me closer and closer every day, I'm still a ways away from that breaking point. But I do have to tell you ... and the timing I assure you is total coincidence, that I will be on hiatus. Yes, there will be a beach involved. But it will be short, and I will return to preach more gospel (or spew more garbage ... which is probably more accurate) on Tuesday night. Hopefully by then, there will be more of a heartbeat in the collective hearts of this team than there is in the head of Ryan Church.

Now while I'm gone, don't forget the Aaron Heilman initiative ... the one where you do something for the good of society when Heilman comes into the game. A good thing to do is to buy one of these snazzy t-shirts from Gary, Keith and Ron at their website. Buying a t-shirt helps society as the proceeds go to the announcers' favorite charities. And if Heilman doesn't come in to Sunday's game, then it's time to celebrate. And you know, the best way to celebrate is to buy a shirt with a number 17 wearing a mustache.

Maine Beats Cain, Gain But No Pain

It really was a nice try by Aaron Rowand, as he was intent on breaking his face again just to prove a point against the Mets like he did in '06.

But instead of making Aaron Rowand a folk hero again, Thursday's drive to center by a Met (this time Carlos Beltran) tipped harmlessly off of Rowand's glove while Rowand harmlessly bounced off the padded outfield wall, and the fun began for the Mets.

One Jose Reyes dinger and six strong innings by John Maine later, the Mets were finished doing what they were supposed to do and took two out of three from the Giants. (And Rowand left the game with his face intact.)

And now it's on to San Diego, where the quadrant of Josh Banks, Randy Wolf, Cha Seung Baek, and Wil Ledezma awaits for the Padres ... yet they don't seem to strike fear in the heart of Gary Cohen, who basically said that the Mets should cut through this staff like a hot knife through a cheap butter substitute. Well, he didn't say it in so many words ... but those four didn't really seem to strike fear in Gary while he was looking ahead during the broadcast yesterday. But these are exactly the kinds of pitchers who the Mets have been making look like Warren Spahn, Sandy Koufax, Steve Carlton, and Hong-Chih Kuo. So let's tread carefully ... but swing hard.

And don't forget about baseball's draft tomorrow, where the Mets have three picks in the first 33 ... in addition to Memphis Red Sox pitcher Robert Scott, their choice in the special ceremonial Negro League draft to take place beforehand. No word on whether the Mets adhered to baseball's slotting system to make that choice.