I ... Hate ... Everything About You

I knew it was a bad sign when Brian Bannister, who was a Met many moons ago, turned in a dazzling start for the Royals today while the Mets have been struggling to find starters who could give any sort of consistant effort. If John Maine had turned in an acceptable effort, there would have been no need to invoke Bannister's name (or image).

Instead, Maine gives up eight runs in three innings en route (or is that rout) to an 11-3 loss in Denver ... and I start to long for pitchers from a bygone era.

After the game, Maine said that he "hates everything about himself." (And you thought it was just the fans who are self-loathing.) Forget his starting spot being in jeopardy, Maine sounds like somebody that could use a lesson in how to love himself again ... in the minor leagues.

Bobby Jones did it.

Steve Trachsel did it.

Both came out of it for the better. If Maine's delivery is in fact all over the place, then he needs to go somewhere and figure it out. A little scary since he recently came off a period of time that was invented for "figuring it out" (you know this as "spring training"). But in this, the most important April road trip in the history of April road trips, the Mets can't afford to let him figure it out against the Rockies, Albert Pujols, Howard and Utley, or the '79 Pirates.

Maine is going so bad that not only did Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez take calls from fans during the game who are wondering if the team needs to see a sports psychologist, but Keith is telling the masses "not to think too much", while using words like "primordial" which causes the fans to think too much about what that word actually means. When you come up with a performance which causes Keith to contradict himself in the same sentence, then it's time for some minor league rehab of the mental variety.

(And maybe Luis Castillo could use some mental health time too after going nuclear in the dugout after being nailed trying to stretch a single to a double in the sixth ... I mean, seriously now. Talk all you want about the fans losing their minds in the second week of the season but for Greg Smith's sake you have John Maine who hates himself, and Castillo who is throwing tantrums and it's April 13th! Who, exactly, are the crazy ones here?)

Continuing The Debate

I gotta say that this Jenrry Mejia debate is fascinating. As opposed to a lot of spring training chatter, which can be about nothing and drive you insane sometimes, the back-and-forth between the people that want Mejia in the Mets bullpen this season and the people who want Mejia in Buffalo or Binghamton to hone his skills as a starter has enough twists, turns, nooks and crannies to make an English muffin look like Sara Lee Soft & Smooth bread.

Here's how nuts it's gotten, and keep in mind right off the bat that I consider myself in the camp of caution, of sending him to the minors and letting him work on secondary pitches to come up as a starter rather than keeping him up this season to be a situational/short/set-up reliever: There's a Facebook page organizing a protest to keep Mejia in the minors, which will set itself up outside the SNY studios hoping to be seen on Loudmouths or whatever show's path it happens to cross. Think about that for a second: Imagine there was a protest on live television to keep you from getting a promotion at work. How would you feel? Even if it was organized with your best interests at heart ... what kind of blow to the ego would that be?

Good thing nobody cares about your job that much, eh?

Here's the way I see it: You can compare Mejia to anybody you want who has gone from starter to reliever: John Smoltz did it, and did it well. What I would have liked about the transition if Smoltz wasn't a Brave was how he understood the art of throwing breaking stuff with more ferocity. Smoltz was throwing a 92 mph splitter. That isn't fair.

But it takes a veteran like Smoltz circa 2001-2004 to understand that. Jenrry Mejia, I'm guessing, knows nothing of what's between zero and sixty. Thus, he has more to learn.

Then there's one Mr. Chamberlain and his silly rules. Similar debates rage on about Chamberlain and where his role is best suited. The fear with Mejia is that he'll be treated with the same kid gloves that lightly tapped Chamberlain and his role is going to go back and forth depending on which managerial or front office job he needs to save that day. So his path needs to be straight and not circular (like the change up he may need to learn).

(You know what's weird, usually the manager plays veterans to save his job, not bring up rookies. As usual with the Mets, the circumstances are all cockeyed.)

Obviously, Chamberlain has been more dominant as a reliever than a starter. One could argue that a mediocre starter proves more valuable than a lights out set-up guy (see: Oliver Perez's contract), but Mejia at least deserves the chance to show that he could actually be more than just a mediocre starter before we have this debate. Sure, the bullpen has holes (cough ... Sean Green ... cough), but the rotation is a doughnut. And yes, John Maine's fastball had some movement and it actually struck out Albert Pujols on Thursday (though the pitch was a ball), but I stand by the statement. Fill a bullpen hole for a season which is going to be an uphill climb anyway with a raw rookie, or fill a rotation hole for ten years with a seasoned prospect? You decide.

Then there's Bobby Parnell, who to me is a poster child for rushing your prospects as the Mets have done too often under this regime. He too, had an eye opening spring. He then went from the sixth to the seventh to the eighth inning. Then he fell apart. Not to say Mejia isn't going to fall apart at some point in his major league career, but wouldn't you want him to be fully prepared when that meltdown comes? Somebody who has pitched 44 (and a third) innings above A-ball in his life can't possibly be prepared. Hell, who knows if he's prepared for Friday night's fan boycott???

If you're still confused by all this, Glenn Beck explains it all on this blackboard:

It's not confusing at all.

And if you're still confused by this, here's Keith Hernandez in the leisure suit that he recently admitted on an SNY broadcast he wore when he got called up to the Cardinals.

The yellow one was in the cleaners.

No Hard Feelings, Chum?

At least Mike Jacobs doesn't take getting traded personally.

Jacobs is reportedly close to returning to the Mets on a free agent deal, completing the circle of life that had Jacobs traded for Carlos Delgado and making his return the season after Delgado leaves. But it kinda has me scratching my head. Sure, it's a minor league deal, but for his lack of an on base percentage, Jacobs provides some of the power that the Mets have been looking for. So why would the Mets sign him simply to strengthen Buffalo? Unless ...

Unless Jacobs is another one of those moving parts to make a trade with the Reds happen by including Daniel Murphy.

Nah, makes too much sense. Jeff Wilpon wants the Bisons to be a triple-A force. And why would Keith Hernandez bother to spend time teaching Murphy how to play first base? Besides, we know that in addition to the fact that the Mets have now unofficially run out of money (Jacobs is the guy who breaks the bank?), Omar Minaya is only permitted to do one thing at a time:


But that didn't stop the large market GM from claiming career minor-leaguer Jason Pridie off waivers from the Twins yesterday. In an ironic twist, that move enabled the small market Twins to put Orlando Hudson on their 40-man roster. Let that swill in your mouth a little bit.

Oh, sorry. Too negative? Let's translate that last paragraph for the ever growing Sunshine Brigade:

The Mets claimed outfielder Jason Pridie off waivers yesterday. Pridie is low-risk, high-reward.

All right, all right. You want positive for realz, yo? Okay, here goes: Hey, good thing the Mets don't have a pesky winter caravan or a fan fest anymore. It prevents foul-mouthed stuff like this from happening.

No Fights (Or Fight) On Picture Day

You want the Mets to acknowledge their history? Then we should have had Keith Hernandez and Darryl Strawberry go at it on picture day. Not like they haven't done it before, right? It's the 20th anniversary, for heaven's sake! They could have worn big oversized boxing gloves or something, or they could have played Wii Resort or something.

Instead, we live in a kinder, gentler time where Keith is preparing for a broadcast with Ron Darling and without Gary Cohen. And the only consternation happening on picture day these days is Jose Reyes complaining about people who think he's dogging it in his rehab. You know, they don't make photo day controversies like they did twenty years ago.

They also don't make first basemen like they did 20 years ago. With Keith in the broadcast booth, it was up to Daniel Murphy to man the area. He didn't fight anybody, but he also didn't catch David Wright's questionable throw to complete a double play and end the first inning. Instead, a 1-0 deficit turned into a 4-0 hole as Cody Ross hit a three run jack to make Wright, Murphy, and Pat Misch all pay for their individual indiscretions.

And since then, the baseball was kinda flat as the Mets slept through a 6-3 loss to the Marlins, which probably caused more indigestion than the free hot dogs that the Mets gave out on Wednesday. Bobby Ojeda wondered after the game why the Mets weren't motivated to beat the Marlins who knocked them out of the playoffs the last two seasons? The answer is probably the same as the one to the question "Why weren't the Mets motivated to beat the Marlins and keep them from knocking the Mets out of the playoffs?" That answer being, "How the &%$# do I know?" Hell, if I knew that I'd be the GM of this nonsense. Yeah, some of the players have returned from those last two collapses, but a lot of the players weren't even around for '07 and '08. If the players that were around aren't going to be that motivated, how can we expect Elmer Dessens to be motivated?

Funny thing is, Dessens has been the fantastic one this series, saving a run on a botched throw home by backing up the plate, and he pitched two scoreless innings. Maybe he is the motivated one.

(Editor's note: Keith and Ron minus Gary was very good tonight. I'm kinda diggin' these new combinations they're trying out while they continue to give us reasons to hold our interest. Keith and Ron without Gary is like having peanut butter and jelly without the bread. You can eat peanut butter and jelly with your fingers, and it will still taste very good. The bread holds the two together and makes the eating experience not only tasty, but neat. But I kinda like eating with my fingers too.)

Maybe they'll try some new things in the booth going forward this season. They've tried all their existing combinations. Perhaps next they can have me team with Gary Cohen for a broadcast ... Oh, sorry. The object is to hold their interest, not drive them away. If me talking about the Mets seems like a good idea to you, then you should seek help. But also, come to Amazin Tuesday at Two Boots Tavern this coming Tuesday where I'll be part of a star studded panel which will include accomplished authors such as Jon Springer, Greg Prince, and Jeff Pearlman. They'll probably perform readings from their critically acclaimed books. I'll be holding up photoshopped images of Mike Pelfrey as a Peanuts character. Yeah, I'm bringing a lot to the table. But come anyway, because despite my appearance, this event is going to rock the house. And the pizza will be tasty.

(By the way, did you realize that going into Wednesday, which was 09-09-09, that the Mets "tragic number" of losses and Phillies wins which would total elimination was nine? Yeah, very funny, baseball gods.)

Get Up

Well this becomes an ironic picture, doesn't it?

Here's why Carlos Beltran returning for meaningless games in September makes a difference: Sure, the Mets aren't going anywhere. Sure, Beltran could get hurt again. And I could walk out of my apartment and get hit by a truck (although getting hit by a truck in a hallway would be a feat). But look at all the players who are out for the season ... Delgado, Putz, Reyes, Sheffield, Perez, Niese, Santana, Cora ... and the list goes on. With this many players not being able to see action until Spring Training 2010 (which is really an extension of Spring Training 2009, which is still going on), every player that can remove a question mark from their own psyche should be able to do so. Because if you give credence to the theory that this is a mentally fragile team, any stabilization of that is more than welcome.

And if Beltran were to get hurt before this season is done, well then it probably would have happened anyway. Better it happen now and the Mets can go into next season with that on the checklist than it happen in April of '10 and another season goes down the tubes.

So it was good to see Beltran back, if for that only. But Beltran being back also brought back a small thing that's been missing in my life. You see, I have a little vocal tick whenever a Met hits a high fly ball. It's a quick little "get up". I used to yell "get out", but multiple people took it the wrong way, so "get out" turned to "get up." And I realized when Beltran was up with the sacks full in the seventh that I can't remember the last time I yelled "get up". I never even realized that I don't even yell "get up" anymore. I mean sure, the Mets have hit a few home runs but not many ... and not in any situations that would call for a primal yell. Then Beltran hit one near the wall ...

"GET UP!!!"

Nope, didn't work. But it was nice to get a whiff of June in a dreary September. And that's why Carlos Beltran makes a difference.

***

Tuesday showed why the SNY announce team of Gary, Keith, and Ron, are the best in the business. When the ten-year-old announcer wasn't bringing out the best in them (not to mention the kid was pretty good too. He even has the sarcasm thing down: "The Mets finally get a hit". I like him already), they were talking about Keith's fondness for manicures landing him a reality show on Bravo.

And yet ... and forgive me for sounding a touch blasphemous, a part of me enjoyed the "silent sixth", where there were no announcers in the booth. For someone like me who doesn't get to go to as many games as he used to, it was nice to feel like I was there. Even the loon who screamed "Leeeeeeeeeeeeet's goooooooooooooooo Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar-liiiiiiiiiiiiiiins" amused me. A little bit of the experience of being in the ballgame never hurts. I only wish that I knew about this sooner ... I would have had a non-working escalator installed in the house so I could really feel like I was in the park.

(Editor's note: no truth to the rumor that the announcers weren't in the booth for an inning because they were all in for major surgery.)

And now tomorrow is going to be just Keith and Ron in the booth? Something tells me that the game they did alone in the spring is going to be a mere warm-up to the lunacy you'll see and hear tomorrow. Get your Tootsie Pops ready ... and watch what happens.

***

And P.S., sometime after the game I make my weekly appearance on SportsTalkNY Live to talk Mets (the entire show is between 9:00-11:00) ... but this isn't going to be just any appearance. No, this will be an appearance where I will make a special announcement (pig latin for "plugging a personal appearance"), so be sure not to miss it.

How Can We Count On You When We Can't Count On You?

We all know that April comes in like a lion. What you may not know is that September does the same. Yes, September comes in like a lion as well ... but Razor Shines gives it the stop sign.

When Angel Pagan rounded second base in the first inning tonight, he consulted Shines for guidance on what to do. Unfortunately, the third base coach of life was offline for maintenance. So Pagan, after rounding second base on a base hit, rounded second base in reverse ... turning a base hit into a force play.

This, Met fans, is your introduction to September. A September to Misremember.

Every once in a while, Angel will break out a swing that sweeter than honey. The flip side is that he has a meatball for a brain on the bases, which he's shown over, and over, and over again. And speaking of ground beef in a spherical shape, I'm not saying that was a meatball Mike Pelfrey threw to Carlos Gonzalez, but the first 15 rows of fans were sprayed with marinara sauce on that home run.

Unfortunately, those same fans were subsequently eaten by wolves, who science shows survive on small prey such as squirrels, meat sauce, and tiramisu. I'm surprised SNY would show that on their air.

It was a tragic scene to be sure, but no more tragic than the Mets have been, whether it be Tuesday night or the entire season. The world will know 2009 as the fortieth anniversary of the Miracle Mets of '69. We know better. We know that this is the tenth anniversary of Kenny Rogers walking home Andruw Jones to lose the NLCS. The Mets obviously know this too as, noted in Tuesday night's broadcast, the two bases loaded walks they had brought their season total to 17. When you throw in the two runs that the Mets gave up via a hit batsman, that makes one free run per week for the opposition.

At this rate, Sean Green can be his own United Way chapter.

The only good thing about being pasted by the Rockies is that it pushes Matt Cain one game further away from getting to the playoffs. Grudges, you see, are all I have left. And since it's kinda pointless to hope that the Yankees and/or Phillies are going to fall out of the playoffs, my last hope to salvage some sort of belief in humanity is to hope that Matt Cain doesn't pitch in a playoff game this season. My main hope is for forever, but I take life one season at a time. So tip this, Matt.

I like this spolier stuff.

***

I loved the question for the booth tonight: "Would the Mets change their approach in Coors Field than how they approach a game in Citi Field?" Yes. The approach: try to suck less. But how would Keith Hernandez know the answer anyway? He's too busy watching the Flintstones on You Tube in the booth.



Yup. Seriously. The same man who didn't know you can text two people at one time is watching You Tube on company time. Can you blame him though, when the most interesting thing to watch on the field is David Wright's new batting helmet?

Yeah, I think it's a bit over the top too.

Skeptic Tank

Experts say that you should be careful about what you see in players in April and in September. With the Mets season pretty much over, this is going to be the longest September in a long time. So it's okay to be skeptical about Cory Sullivan.

Two triples on Wednesday and some good looking defensive plays lately is like an oasis for this team, this time. But can you really believe what you see? After all, if you look at the new fangled way people are looking at defense these days, Cory Sullivan has UZR ratings that are negative ... as in less than zero. Last season alone, his UZR/150 rating was -58.5, and -111.9 in center field alone. Now I can't explain how one comes up with a UZR rating, but a numbers that low would basically make someone less useful in the field than Timmy Lupus. How do you get up in the morning at -111.9?

Those ratings are better this season, but still negative. I'm guessing this means that all these diving, running, sliding catches he's making ... Carlos Beltran would be camped under those balls for a couple of seconds.

But Sullivan is indeed making these catches, which is more than you could say for, say, Angel Pagan on Doug Davis' single (sidebar question for Snoop: How do you bench Pagan for making a dopey decision, but not Luis Castillo for making a lazy throw?) And besides, another way to evaluate a player is how they perform when the team they play on has been playing meaningless games since early June. Sullivan is a bright spot. To Snoop's discredit, there aren't many of those.

Now, let's hope that Sullivan doesn't go into next April undervalued ... or overvalued.

***

My bad:

"I don't know how David Wright has made it through the season healthy" -Metstradamus, multiple times over the past week.

I knew saying that was a bad idea every time the words came out of my mouth.

***

But hey, there are reasons to cheer up. First off, the Mets are wearing throwback uniforms this weekend that don't involve the Dodgers! Of course, they don't really throw back to anything the Mets have ever worn, but the fact that they're honoring the Giants and not the Dodgers is a small step in the right direction.

And hey, you might be able to see this weekend's games on the cheap, thanks to the Mets! Yeah, they're slashing ticket prices! The New York Mets: the Crazy Eddie of Major League Baseball. Awesome.

***

More cheer: You know it's rare that interesting things happen to two members of the Metstradamus Hall of Hate that end up on You Tube, but for those who haven't seen them, here's part one of the snicker parade, courtesy of NY Baseball Digest and Baseball Think Factory:



I'll never listen to his opening theme song the same way again ... "He'll get you the sports any way that he can." HA! He's getting a lot of flack for this on the web, but his pompousness has brought it on himself.

Shane Victorino, on the other hand, didn't bring this on himself. At least I don't think so:



Now, that's a very bad thing to do ... spill beer on a player. We don't condone that here on this website, even if Victorino is in the Hall of Hate by a landslide vote, and even if he is the devil. You still shouldn't spill beer on him.

(I did chuckle when it happened. I know, I'm going to hell ... oh what am I saying. Have you seen the standings? And have you seen that Pedro Martinez pitched five effective innings for the Phillies? I'm IN hell!!!)

My favorite part is the Phillies fan throwing peanuts at the Cubs fan after the beer was thrown. And the whole row got thrown out to boot.

Now remember for all you kids out there, this is not acceptable behavior. And if you enjoyed the previous video, you need penance. Donate to your favorite charity. Or, donate to Gary, Keith, and Ron's favorite charities by buying t-shirts and stuff. And if you use the code "blogger" before August 15th, then you can take 15% off of everything ... including tickets for the final game of the season where you can attend the end of season Gary, Keith and Ron event.

Remember, use the code "blogger" for discounts. If you use the code "Metstradamus", a video of Keith laughing at you will pop up on the screen. So just type "blogger".

A Post About Nothing

Bediddly bediddly boing.





Boing boing boing boing boing, boing boing




Boing biddley boing ...





Boooiiiing







Boing .... boing de boing.






Boingity boingity boing.





Boing boing boing boing boing, boing boing




Boing bediddley boing bediddley boooiiing ...














Boing de boing de boing






Boing de boing de boing.





For some comedy that actually has a chance of being funny, why not visit Comix Comedy Club on July 30th where Mets Weekly's Julie Alexandria will join the newest New York Ranger Chris Higgins for some sports themed comedy? Here's a taste of what you'll experience.