Monday, April 27, 2009

A Place For Your Cup, But Not For You

In this season with a litany full of firsts came another first: First regular season game for your blogger at Kiti Field. After attending one preseason game (and only sitting in my assigned seat for about two innings), I would be a fool to assume that I would know everything I need to know about these new digs. I knew that this old dog would need to learn some new tricks.

Here's what I didn't expect to learn: I didn't expect to learn that just because my ticket has a seat number on it, it doesn't necessarily mean I have a seat.

No, seriously. I had Section 406, Row 5, Seat 10. It was printed right there on the ticket. I found seats eight and nine fine. But where was seat ten?

In fact, we had seats 7-10. Seat seven doesn't exist in this row either. Eight and nine? Bolted to the floor. Seven and ten? Nowhere to be found.

As you can see in the picture above, seat ten had a cupholder. Seat ten, however, didn't have a seat!

I'm extremely confused. But then came an oasis:

Gasp! A seat! It came after one of the staff members was told that the seats were missing and he said, "Oh, I have to get you folding chairs". Then he stood there for ten seconds before he realized he actually had to go get the chairs. And honestly? Seat ten was quite comfy. It had arm rests, was all cushiony, and I could move it closer to the railing if I wanted to.

But I still have to get used to this new math. Eight and nine? Sit right down. Seven and ten? Empty spaces with cupholders. I have a lot to learn about Kiti Field.

(Editor's note: Really, I have a lot to learn. Was the seat intended for handicap access? Because that's the only thing my feeble mind could come up with. And if it was, why would they sell it to me? Or is this whole thing just completely screwed up? Please help me become a better blogger and let me in on the joke.)

Here's what else I learned on Sunday: I learned to recognize the Daniel Murphy groan. It's the specific groan you hear from the crowd after Murphy butchers another fly ball while you're off getting a hot dog from the Nathan's stand. It's a very distinctive sound that the crowd makes that's unmistakeably Murphy. I swear instead of the Baseball Tonight crew, Dick Clark and Ed McMahon should be doing "TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes" from a platform in left field.

So here's the scorecard: Two games, one calendar month. One windburn, one sunburn. Two games almost single handedly ruined by Oliver Perez, who has his own distinctive crowd groan. It sounds more like "boooooooooo!"

And now there's talk that Perez is going to the bullpen. Nice. A $36 million mop-up man who needs to be coddled and stroked for every step he takes. All because Perez's most consistent two months of his career came right before free agency (gee, no red flags there). And because the Mets penny pinched on Derek Lowe because they were afraid of his age and that he'd be useless the last year or so almost like Pedro Martinez turned out to be.

Yeah, about that ... Oliver Perez is useless now!

$36 million. You could bailout the MTA with that money. Instead, we get to watch Oliver Perez derail every fifth day and move his large contract to the bullpen when Tim Redding, now thrust into the role of savior, returns from injury. Until then, please welcome 40-year-old rookie Ken Takahashi to the big leagues to provide veteran leadership and no doubt to fool everyone to think his 0.77 ERA in Buffalo means anything, just as it didn't with the journeyman he replaces: Casey Fossum. (Nelson Figueroa is in Buffalo right now saying "you've gotta be kidding me".)

Maybe the roster spot would have been better filled by our hotshot catcher, Jesus Flores. Oh wait! We let him go so in the Rule V draft he could hit 47 home runs against the Mets this series!!!

What? Too soon?

(Speaking of catchers, I hear Fluff Castro is on the DL with a hurt feeling.)

I mean, Perez has to go to the bullpen, right? Snoop Manuel threatened changes if this garbage continued, and Perez has continued his garbage on Sunday. Would Manuel go back on his threat?

That wouldn't be very gangsta.


MetFanMac said...

I called it last year: Perez should have been traded while he was still fooling everyone.

DyHrdMET said...

it does look like you bought handicap-access seats. that's usually where they put them. but with everything the mets have done, it doesn't surprise me. As long as there wasn't a handicapped person trying to navigate the steps while thinking they bought a handicap seat...

James Allen said...

Re: Your seat situation. You pretty much figured it out. This reminds me of a minor league park I went to where pretty much the same thing happened. The stadium is required by law to be built with a certain percentage of handicapped "spaces" for each price level. Of course, they'll rarely have to use all of them for each game, so they do sell them to "normies" like yourself and have to manually add chairs when needed. Given the regulation that has to be adhered to, it's a reasonably flexible solution. Sounds like the usher is still getting used to the concept, though.

And if it looks like I'm being long winded about this somewhat trivial subject, it's because I really don't want to talk about the game. I do appreciate the concept of "The Murphy Groan" though.

Anonymous said...

You were in the BYOS Section - "Bring Your Own Seat"

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

Those are some honking big cup holders! I thought they looked like one of those flushless urinals, which I guess would be convenient.

kjs said...

What? A visit to Debits Field and no mention of:

---The awful sightlines?
---The absurd outfield?
---The ubercrowded concourses?
---The fact that the escalator is so thin it breaks down all the time? (it's going to collapse one day...seriously.)
---The fact that the concession stands make Mo Vaughn appear fast?
---That the scoreboard went on strike in the 4th, which only 40% of the fans noticed, since it's misplaced?
---Nice big mens rooms with a lack of urinals and toilets?---it's takes an inning to take a bathroom break. And some of the toilet ceilings are starting to leak?
---The 279 different seating-price permutations?
---The classist seating/clubs on every level?
---No Windex so that you can see through the plexiglass-blocked seats?
---The fact that the stadium has zilch to do with the NY Mets?
---Less legroom in Field Level?
---The fact that while in Debits Field, you have a subliminal urge to drink Pepsi and rush home to watch assklown Glenn Beck on Faux News?
---That 50% of the fans don't even watch the game, but meander and meander and meander.
---The narrow and dangerous exits?
---The lack of interior lighting during night games?
---The absence of "Let's Go Mets" chants?
---That the greatest displayed fan passion is booing "Sweet Caroline"?
---That the plaxce is a sunfield and the outfielders---not just Murph the Surf---can't pick the ball up because of the glare from the glass behind home plate?

But I digress. They were hoping to sell that seat to a handicapped person. They didn't. You got it. The handicapped have suffered enough without adding Ollie to the equation?

schneck said...

If you bring a NY Mets bean bag chair would they let you use it? You may not be able to see, and you'd be sitting among all the nutshells and beer spills, but you'd look cool.

Anonymous said...

You do realize that this is shell game. Shea was more compliant with the raised seating areas and plenty of room to accomodate larger groups of whellechairs. Those groups including nursing homes and children's hospitals were charged full seat prices for SRO BYOS areas. Nice. Now the Mets won't accomodate any group seating of wheelchairs. They simply discourage these unfortunate fans and then sell the space with a seat to the higher bidder more likely to roam around and buy a hat or jersey. Nice Mr. Coupon, very nice. What would Roy Campanella say about you, if he knew.